₦airaland Forum

coolsegun2002:
If there’s no consequences here..why were you saying if it’s someone sister earlier ..would the person what the guy to do that...?.As if he must marry her...

It’s because u know consequences of leaving her pregnant, unambitous, lazy, and jobless azz won’t be pretty...

merieam16:
If it were ur sis, forget consequences or not will u tell the guy marriage is nt a must after impregnating her

HacheNoire:
It will only get worse

Be the father of your child and run from the relationship as fast as possible.

Free pvssy got you blind and you will pay for the consequences. Only option is a limited consequence, and entails you to run for your life.

Your happiness is paramount

Richy4:
BUT.....Bro, Do you want to get married to her because she is pregnant... or because you two were compatible and compliments each other?

I guess my English language has become too rustic but that's what I speak daily.. How could you call someone pursuing her masters degree unambitious?... I did not get that part please explain it in clear terms for me

I don't see what was wrong with you cleaning your own apartment my brother... it is yours.. and you are the one that dictates what happens in there.. u don't expect a stranger to mop and vacuum your apartment...

Do not rush into this thing you were trying to do buddy.. take your time.. Get your priorities right first before jumping into it..
<<<First , ask yourself and decide within u the kind of woman u would want/like to marry.. the traditional type.. or the career type (AKA 21st century ones) do not mistake the two because they are not the same....

<<<Secondly, When a lady is pregnant, It's no longer a license to wed.. Those days have gone... I believe she doesn't want this.. you were the one pushing it.. make up your mind so that she will equally know what to do with her pregnancy..

<<<Finally, Misunderstanding is not bad in a relationship and normal.. so you don't have to be scared of it... The ability to resolve it is what counts and the ability for both of u to listen to each other.. Do not make it all about you.. you.. you... I have dictated a lot of it on this write up...U kind of wanted things to go your own way most of the time....It doesn't work that way sometimes.. Learn to accommodate your partner's flaws if you can...that's one of the reasons for courtship...but if you can't we don't need to tell you what to do.....

Richy4:
BUT.....Bro, Do you want to get married to her because she is pregnant... or because you two were compatible and compliments each other?

I guess my English language has become too rustic but that's what I speak daily.. How could you call someone pursuing her masters degree unambitious?... I did not get that part please explain it in clear terms for me

I don't see what was wrong with you cleaning your own apartment my brother... it is yours.. and you are the one that dictates what happens in there.. u don't expect a stranger to mop and vacuum your apartment...

Do not rush into this thing you were trying to do buddy.. take your time.. Get your priorities right first before jumping into it..
<<<First , ask yourself and decide within u the kind of woman u would want/like to marry.. the traditional type.. or the career type (AKA 21st century ones) do not mistake the two because they are not the same....

<<<Secondly, When a lady is pregnant, It's no longer a license to wed.. Those days have gone... I believe she doesn't want this.. you were the one pushing it.. make up your mind so that she will equally know what to do with her pregnancy..

<<<Finally, Misunderstanding is not bad in a relationship and normal.. so you don't have to be scared of it... The ability to resolve it is what counts and the ability for both of u to listen to each other.. Do not make it all about you.. you.. you... I have dictated a lot of it on this write up...U kind of wanted things to go your own way most of the time....It doesn't work that way sometimes.. Learn to accommodate your partner's flaws if you can...that's one of the reasons for courtship...but if you can't we don't need to tell you what to do.....

merieam16:
Lik seriously..nd der introduction is just nextweek nd op is already on d forum 4 validations....smh some guys sha

Faber:
Na lie you must marry that girl. I just dey laugh at you. when you dey comot her bra up and down...dey turn her for bed like barber chair...360 degrees...you no reason she dey lazy. Ogbeni no leave no transfer...you must marry that girl.

When she born pikin get a house help. When your first child grows to like 4 to 5 years. Pay off the house help and train your kids to be hard working unlike their mom. let them learn how to do the house chores from their early days. Allow them to cook if she can't cook. Anyhow they cook am all man will eat it like that. Train them your own way. In my home we were trained without a house help. I cooked my first jollof rice at Nursery 3. The food no make sense. But my parents commended me and all man ate the food.

Marry her. But don't be quick to get her pregnant again. Ensure that this one whether boy or girl reach like 3 to 4 yrs, then you must have found some footing in your plans for your life.

She will be quick to double the kids, that's their way. Once they get married and have a baby...it's uhuru for them na to multiply the babies be their next ambition...so be in charge of the birth. Control the birth rate yourself.

Peace man...marry her

SweetiliciousD:
This is the most sensible input here.

The guy needs to check himself tho.

I'm sure the OP can't see beyond his nose. That lady you call unambitious is pursuing her masters degree and already charted her career path!

She isn't employed today, no worries, but can't be called a pushover at all. Anything can happen in the nearest future. She works with you and can't do so if she is a dull and lazy brain.

Be reminded that you can't get 100% of your expectations from any human being living on earth, moreover, we only heard from your side of the story and not hers.

As a man, you need to be the man of your house by assuming the bills of your household is on you, even if she works. That's the lot of a real man.

This is a woman: Husband's money is our money but my money is exclusively mine. If she brings out, hallelujah but never plan on any woman's money.

Take charge of your house and shape it the way it will mutually accommodate both of you.

Note that women are multipliers. :

Give them trouble and you get it back double.

Give them peace and you get prosperity back double.

Give them sperm and you get a bouncing baby in return.


Man up and stop being a cry cry sisi. She is yours to nurture the way you want her to be.

My two cents!

ravensckar:
This issue is the easiest that I have come across. With a little bit of understanding, both of them will have a perfect marriage. Now, let's analyze the issue. She's educated, but you think she's unambitious. That's a lie! She just doesn't enjoy doing whatever job you're pushing her to for reasons best known to her. Bros, I'd advise you take her out for dinner one beautiful night and calmly ask her what type of job she'd like to go into. You'll be amazed. My wife is a degree holder, but prefers owning her own shop. I once forced her to work for a company, it almost killed her self-esteem. But now that she's in her preferred area, she's shining.


Secondly, on the issue of laziness. I think you just need to sit down with men and let them tell you first-hand what marriage entails. Almost all women find chores stressful. They enjoy roaming the house naked, watching television and enjoying themselves. Who wouldn't? I'll advise you play a trick on her. Whenever you return from work, tell her the usual line; 'work was stressful today, this and that happened bla bla bla'. Then, proceed to cleaning the house in her presence. Do it with a smile on your face. Trust me, her conscience will prick her. Some women are like that, words and threats won't work on them. Just appeal to their conscience. I believe your lady is a wonderful person since she isn't even pretending to be hardworking just to trick you into marrying her.


Thirdly, on the issue of pregnancy and the everyday drama that comes with it. Bros, I'll be very honest with you. The initial stage of marriage is filled with drama. Do you know why? Both of you ain't used to each other yet. You're beginning to observe the unpleasant sides of each other. Now, what's the solution to this? Take your minds off the negatives and focus on the positives. Think of the stuffs that your wife is good at and let it motivate you to want to make your marriage work. Compliment her for it, and tell her to her face that she's the best in that area. Then, watch her try to improve on her weak areas. It's a bit complex than how I've put it, I pray you find a way around it.

PS- It took my wife more than 4 years to understand that she has to tidy the house before going to shop. You can guess who was doing the cleaning for those 4 years. Lolz. Marriage hard o, but again, compared to what?

jondon11:
Thanks for this. We're sorta compatible but her lazy approach to life is an issue and it spills into the way she approaches other issues.

She's doing her MSc but she has no ideas what she'd do with the degree once she's done, she's suggested opening a corner shop and a beauty parlour (she expects I brankroll whatever venture she decides upon). I know she's an adult and I've made this about me like you noted but if I leave this girl she's content sitting at home all day watching Zee world or if she does open the corner shop would further destabilize the life of the child and mine cause she won't be able to cope with the expanded responsibilities....I just want her to woman up

Yea, nothing wrong in cleaning my apartment but when we're in a live in situation I expect the person I'm living with to help with chores at least.

Although I'm slightly partial to career women, I don't mind marrying a full-time house wife, as long as they know they're in a partnership and would perform their role effectively. My girl is neither the career woman nor the house-wife...she postures like the house-wife type but unwilling to take on the responsibilities that come with it.

jondon11:
She hasn't charted a career path, she started the MSc because she didn't have a job but she has no intentions of furthering in what she did as MSc. She isn't dull, just lazy and entitled.

espn:
You don't want to face responsibility man... Didnt you see all of this when the relationship was still young or before she got pregnant. You will understand the real definition of lazy soon. Update us in few months time.

jondon11:
So I met my girl about a year ago during the start of the lockdown. We bonded real quick...she's easy-going, sorta smart, mad sexy and funny. Two months after we started dating, she moved in with me and began shuttling between my place and her sister's.

I work from home and my place is structured such that there's not much to do to maintain it. Although I work from home, I go out now and again for business and during my time out I run most of the errands...my girl ensures that it's only when I'm going out that she gets whatever she needs, from the market or errands around the area mainly cause she's often in a pant and bra watching a movie or just being lazy. She's a good cook but a lot of times I found chow coming late or not at all, and there was always raw food to prepare...sometimes her excuse for not cooking could be she couldn't get one ingredient or the other either because she didn't have cash on her or some other reason...there's mobile money just outside our gate and if she doesn't have the money she can call me to make a transfer but the main issue was laziness. I swept and mopped like 80% of the time, ran errands like 100%, cooked like 20% or the time (starved like 20% or sorted myself out someway), she did dishes 80% of the time and I brought like 100% of the money we lived on.

She is doing her MSc and our relationship started during the lockdown so she wasn't going to school. She was job searching (more like job waiting) so this gave her a lot of idle time which she spent watching Zee World or being on social media. I soon found a way to engage her in the job I do from home, and with the money she had saved in the bank (over 400K), she started work with me. I purchased a laptop for her for this purpose and so she could develop herself in other areas via online courses but she didn't do much work...working like two hours daily, very late at night...I sometimes complained but tried encouraging her as much as possible, especially when she made some success.

I'm sure you'd ask why I stayed in the relationship despite all of this? I was pussy whipped, had no other options given the nature of my work, saw some potential in her ( I know, a stupid thing to say) and thought I was in love (I'm 29 and shouldn't have been that stupid).

Fast forward to December last year, we discovered she was pregnant, a month pregnant. Told her we should keep the child and get married...she suggested we could abort since we weren't quite ready but I said what was a couple more months gonna make a difference?

Since then till now, we've been quarrelling non-stop, one issue after another of which it's mainly me raising the issues. Maybe it's the tension that comes from knowing I might be starting a family with so many unresolved issues. I've raised my concerns and told her she'd need to be more responsible in the relationship if things will work and even though she tells me she knows, I know deep down she doesn't mean it or might not be up to the task of being a married adult. From some of our talk she expects I'd take care of all the financial responsibilities and have suggested a couple of times we get help for chores (we've moved to a bigger space now) but I told her in clear terms that that's not how I imagined my life...having help for chores and the likes, besides, it's just a two-bedroom flat.

I've purchased some of the things we'd be needing for our wedding and we're supposed to do an introduction this coming week but I'm having cold feet and just want to call it off.

I'm bringing this here to know how I can manage this situation...I can be lazy but I'm a really ambitious person so this pushes me but my girl is not just lazy, but unambitious. How do I manage the situation...there's a child involved now and will need to consider the child but at the same time, I can't take on this much stress nor have my ambitions cut short because my partner is lazy.

What can I do??

jondon11:
So I met my girl about a year ago during the start of the lockdown. We bonded real quick...she's easy-going, sorta smart, mad sexy and funny. Two months after we started dating, she moved in with me and began shuttling between my place and her sister's.

I work from home and my place is structured such that there's not much to do to maintain it. Although I work from home, I go out now and again for business and during my time out I run most of the errands...my girl ensures that it's only when I'm going out that she gets whatever she needs, from the market or errands around the area mainly cause she's often in a pant and bra watching a movie or just being lazy. She's a good cook but a lot of times I found chow coming late or not at all, and there was always raw food to prepare...sometimes her excuse for not cooking could be she couldn't get one ingredient or the other either because she didn't have cash on her or some other reason...there's mobile money just outside our gate and if she doesn't have the money she can call me to make a transfer but the main issue was laziness. I swept and mopped like 80% of the time, ran errands like 100%, cooked like 20% or the time (starved like 20% or sorted myself out someway), she did dishes 80% of the time and I brought like 100% of the money we lived on.

She is doing her MSc and our relationship started during the lockdown so she wasn't going to school. She was job searching (more like job waiting) so this gave her a lot of idle time which she spent watching Zee World or being on social media. I soon found a way to engage her in the job I do from home, and with the money she had saved in the bank (over 400K), she started work with me. I purchased a laptop for her for this purpose and so she could develop herself in other areas via online courses but she didn't do much work...working like two hours daily, very late at night...I sometimes complained but tried encouraging her as much as possible, especially when she made some success.

I'm sure you'd ask why I stayed in the relationship despite all of this? I was pussy whipped, had no other options given the nature of my work, saw some potential in her ( I know, a stupid thing to say) and thought I was in love (I'm 29 and shouldn't have been that stupid).

Fast forward to December last year, we discovered she was pregnant, a month pregnant. Told her we should keep the child and get married...she suggested we could abort since we weren't quite ready but I said what was a couple more months gonna make a difference?

Since then till now, we've been quarrelling non-stop, one issue after another of which it's mainly me raising the issues. Maybe it's the tension that comes from knowing I might be starting a family with so many unresolved issues. I've raised my concerns and told her she'd need to be more responsible in the relationship if things will work and even though she tells me she knows, I know deep down she doesn't mean it or might not be up to the task of being a married adult. From some of our talk she expects I'd take care of all the financial responsibilities and have suggested a couple of times we get help for chores (we've moved to a bigger space now) but I told her in clear terms that that's not how I imagined my life...having help for chores and the likes, besides, it's just a two-bedroom flat.

I've purchased some of the things we'd be needing for our wedding and we're supposed to do an introduction this coming week but I'm having cold feet and just want to call it off.

I'm bringing this here to know how I can manage this situation...I can be lazy but I'm a really ambitious person so this pushes me but my girl is not just lazy, but unambitious. How do I manage the situation...there's a child involved now and will need to consider the child but at the same time, I can't take on this much stress nor have my ambitions cut short because my partner is lazy.

What can I do??