I have a friend who thinks that Africa's problem started with colonization. She considers that Africa would have made it's own progress without it, that civilization ruined our uniqueness as Africans. It ruined our values, culture and society. I'm going to put it out there that I do not agree with her at all, I even think that Africa needs more colonization; I feel independence for Africa came a bit too early. To that my good friend, I have some good news; those values and beliefs that are peculiar to Africans still remain and there are a handful of natives who still believe and enforce them.



Today I shall be talking about these values in a completely different sense. One time during my psychiatry posting I met a clinically depressed man. He had always been unhappy about his financial situation compared to his mates despite his good standing with God. He was very respected in church and was the youth pastor. His depression got a whole lot worse when he found out that his wife had been with another man, and all of his financial and health worries were blamed on his wife's infidelity.
He was told by his 'family people' that he had to come to the village with his wife and make some sacrifices. He was promised that all of his problems would be gone after the sacrifice. This youth pastor respected by all in the house of God went down to the village and did all that was asked of him. But guess what, it didn't work. He got worse and attempted suicide, he ate razor blades in an attempt and his life.

I've listen to many Christians who still hold unto and defend many traditional beliefs. the common one I hear a lot is that if a woman cheats on her husband and keeps cooking for the family, her children will die one by one and if the husband knows and doesn't expose her, he will die too slowly. There are a lot of people who believe that these things work and that is an actual law with consequences.
I do not think that a Christian should adhere to such beliefs. I don't agree at all and I'll explain.
The Bible is the blueprint that should guide and guard every believer. Christians ought to examine everything through the word of God. Cultural laws with its consequences are not from God; they aren't anywhere in the Bible.


Where else then? It's simple, from the Devil. There's no deity in between, there's no sitting on the fence. If you're a Christian you're not bound by those laws.
The Bible teaches forgiveness for a cheating partner and discourages divorce. The Bible doesn't consider it seen to have sex with a partner who has committed adultery ( Matthew 5:31-32). The Bible doesn't say the children will die nor the husband if he doesn't speak up. Joseph was even commended for putting away Mary quietly when He thought she was pregnant for another man. This is the guide we should adhere to; What God says. Believing anything else is inviting the devil into your home and it is recipe for more chaos.

My advice is this, debunk all of your Cultural beliefs that do not have any rooting in the word of God. Let God and his word lead you.





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I've been told articles are better when they begin with a story. So, here is one.
 It's a story of two people so in love; Bukola and Edosa. They have been together for about a year and a half and decided it was time for Him to meet her family.
On that day, the house was completely filled even to her grandmother. Edosa was beyond tensed for no just reason and sat at the very end of the sitting room as her father and siblings walked in.
The father was a lively man, he walked towards him and reached for a handshake to Edosa's relief. The sisters liked how good he looked; Edosa was a tall, light skinned man with chiseled cheeks and eyes that spelled innocence.
Literally everyone was in  the living room except Mrs Silvia Utomi, Bukola's mother. She was rich and influential to say the least but had a terrible mother- daughter relationship with Bukola. She would hardly ever talk about her mother, and whenever Edosa would ask why, her reason was always the same; 'she chose her career over her children'. Bukola blamed her being abused by the "House Boy" on her mother's woeful parenting skills. 
As she stepped into the room, there was this silence and in that moment Edosa knew that Bukola's mother's validation was what he really needed. 
As their eyes met, Edosa's anxiety was gone and dismay replaced it. He knew her literally. Mrs Silvia Utomi had a liking for younger men who could please her mind and her body, and Edosa was smart and terrific in the sheets. It was more than an affair between them that lasted 4 years, she was his fairy godmother. 
The awkwardness in that moment made Bukola realise that her mother was the "Mrs. Susan" Edosa told her he had an affair with before he met her.
She ran out of the room in shock and Edosa followed. 
Bukola was angry, sad, disappointed and in love. She couldn't blame Edosa, he had told her about it but not just who and moreover, it was in the past. There's nothing he can about what he's done and she accepted him as a husband with his past inclusive.
She was faced with two options; accept Him still or let it go. 

If you were Bukola, what would you do?


That's the Story and this is my question...
Does the past matter? Well, It depends on a lot of things.
First, it depends on your partner and the offence. I asked a handful of people what form of past they wouldn't be able to live with and the answers were varying and vast. Everyone had something perculiar they couldn't take. It's best to find someone who can and will accept your demons and be fine with it.
The offense in itself matters; how significant or severe and the tendency for a reoccurrence. For a man who had spent more than a decade of his life jumping from one bed to another, it's seems logical to believe He will kick off from where he left off with the right incentive. 

It also depends on Family/ church's influence on your Partner's choices. I remember a video of a man proposing to his girlfriend at a wedding. The pastor in charge rudely stopped him and asked him to see him first before he could propose to one of his daughters, all this happened as the girl stood with her head bowed down as the Pastor utterly embarrassed her "would have been fiancé". There are people who have handed over the power to make important live decisions to their parents and pastors. For those people, even if they are fine with your past, it matters less until their reverend parents or pastor approves you and your past. 

Finally, sometimes the past is never actually in the past. Past dealings can affect today's happenings, it could make it harder to trust or commit. It sometimes requires a great deal of reassurance to yourself and your partner to actually believe in the future. At the end, all that matters is what lies ahead and what should be left behind .




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I honestly can't recall how many times a confused girl had asked me if a guy truly loved her or just wanted sex. It's the dilemma of a girl who had been heartbroken before.
I tell women the same thing all the time.
All boys, every single one of them wants sex with you. There is no exclusion. They want it either as a boyfriend, a 'side-guy', a friend with benefits, and the least of the lot; as a husband.

Why is this so? Why do men priotize sex so much?
Well, it's the way they were nurtured. Society has given men the pass to 'hoe' around without any form of retribution.
I remember a story a friend told me that scarred me, he said his mother gave birth to a lot of boys and whenever one of them wasn't bringing any or enough babes home, she would be worried and ask what the problem was.
I kid you not.
To say it simply, the more women you can accure, the more of a man you're says society.

Now, to the core of the matter.
One of the first things that welcome a girl into womanhood is the influx of men flirting with her, thus demanding she learns how well to tell the difference between what is true and what will ruin her.
It's quite a tough task; to read through actions and decipher intentions. To help,here is a guide to know the men who will ruin you emotionally and there are 5 types.

1. The Self Righteous
Self righteous because it's never their fault. These men are primarily very understanding, seemingly honest, and they 'judge not'. They let you be yourself and freest around them till sex happens. What the girl never knows is that for that boy, the sex didn't just happen; all that being understanding and supportive and honest is just premeditated and thought through. It's a way to have you 'emotionally trapped' so when the sex begins, it doesn't end. It's like having sex with your therapist.
Boys like this seek for weaknesses and exploit it. The more you open up about your weaknesses, the more attached you'd be. They prey on a girl's short-sightednes, they'd encourage sexual expression with the aim of having some of the action too.

2. The self centred.
These are the lairs. They are often either with sugar coated lips or with incredible good looks. Worse when they have both. These folks can't tell the truth to save their lives.
For them, nothing else matters but sex. They are ready to spend a little or live a lie if it's money that tickles the girl of interest all in bid to be up in her pants. If a girl will only have sex till she's in a relationship, no hassle. They will ask you out without 6 ways from Sunday.
They don't care much if you're heartbroken, in pain, or emotionally drained, sex remains top priority.

3. The confused
They are governed by guilt. These boys toy with your emotions. Today, they miss you more than life itself, and the next, they act like u r bother.
They are so sexual and the next, they are just out of seminary school. They appear confused but deep down, their only problem is just an active conscience. They feel bad for themselves and feel worse for you. They know they want to get some but the lies and other means of getting some shames their upbringing and values.

4. The blunt one.
They operate by 'truthful manipulation'.
They say few words but say the truth alot, especially the ones that hurt deeply. That's their charm; unrivalled honesty and quietness that is almost mystical. They show more of logic and less of emotion, and they are also hard to leave once sex starts.

Last but definitely not least in causing damage are
5. the Desperate ones.
A girl told me a story about one of her worst sex.
She said all through the sex she kept on thinking about how the sex happened and how much of a mistake she was making. What happened? The boy begged his way into sex, he slept over and started torching her while it was time to sleep. No amount of refusal was enough to deter him, he begged on till she gave in.
Boys like this exist Who believe that woman are susceptible to pressure. They will ask you out till you're almost losing your mind, they will beg till you actually decide to give them a chance. They will spend their school fees and their friends too just to get you to bed eventually.
Sad, but sometimes effective.


And with that my friends, I conclude.









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My mother told me a story about A Man whose story shook the town she grew up in

His name is Collins, he was a Local Teacher in the only Grammar School of the town. He taught Maths and English. He was tall, really tall, dark skinned with little eyes.

This man was in love with a very beautiful "esan" woman. Her name was Fiona who had a huge store at the centre of the market, she made three times more money than he did but She loved him so much and would do anything for him.


She told all other rich men No for All that mattered to her Was for him to be just hers.
It was a perfect relationship until She had to meet his people.

As it was in the old days.
Family people mattered too much in deciding a partner for you And so they didn't agree to the union.
It hurt the man so much And the lady even worse.


They told him that they had already groomed a wife for him;
The perfect Otuo woman.
And they would be bringing her to the house...


And they did.
Making it 3: The man, his lover and the otuo woman.
This Otuo woman was called June, she was the fairest person Collins had ever seen. She was petite, small enough she could almost fit into his pockets. She wasn't shy or timid but was extremely quiet.

She stayed in the guest room Often alone and to herself.
She did nothing but stay indoors
The lover hated the sight of this otuo woman In everyway.
She was so upset.
She could see the man she loved and adored for so long slipping her grip.
It got even worse for her
He went home to plead with his people
They would not bulge,they wanted the Esan lady out of his house.



She didnt leave and he wouldn't send her away. He dared not. She stayed on for 3 more months.


June had already started cleaning, Washing From time to time and before you knew it Collins and her had already started talking.

But something happened one day That changed the whole story. One night, fiona woke up to find her man in the room of the otuo lady.
She was enraged.
She was bitter
She was changed.

She felt love and hate with equal amounts but She didn't do anything about it, She didn't say a word, She kept it to herself, She didn't act different Or confront him about it.
She went about her normal routine, Still cooked for him, Made love to him And listened to him.

And then one night, she kissed him like never before
Made love to him in a way new but so intense. And in his exhaustion he fell to a very deep sleep. Deep enough for her to have his hands tied And then she took pillows and covered his face with it, covered the rest of his body with a thick blanket.


He was awake then But his hands were tied. She took a club And hit him with it repeatedly With all her strength In all areas of the body.
His screams were barely heard as the pillow blocked the sounds. She hit him and hit him and hit him Till she could see blood stain the white blanket and his voice growing faint.
June Heard his faint screams by the stroke of luck
And knocked repeatedly on his door Till she had to run away through the window.


He was barely alive when the June met him
That night, he was rushed to the hospital and his life salvaged.
Fiona ran, Still in anger But Without regret felt a sense of relief, For she knew Whatever June would be having is already half the man she knew.

My mother ended the story by saying
Fear Esan women. They love really hard But if you dare leave them or cheat on them.
They can kill you



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It's the 3rd day after our last paper and 2 more days till the results are out. I havent slept for more than 3 hours since and i still feel a sense of purposelessness; there's suddenly just so much time. This is my post exam state and it's not just me. John had to take a long stroll just to aid the inactivity and Chima had to invite a girl over just so he doesn't drown.

Two days to our last paper, i and three friends gathered together talking about how much we would sleep when the exam was over and how we would not even read a sign post.
I remember someone interjecting saying we wouldn't be able to sleep afterwards and may even miss reading.
It's not like we didn't believe what he said.
We just hoped it wouldn't be.

The worst part aside the mental pain of awaiting results is the loss of interest in previously enjoyable things.
You almost forget what you used to do that was fun and distracting.
There's also the "neediness". you would rather be with people than be alone. Its the best time to squash animosities.

There is a medical explanation to this
Hear it out;

"the stress hormone Cortisol increases causing a decrease in the neurotransmitter Serotonin, which is critical for coping and general well-being. We are happier, more relaxed, and more able to cope when our Cortisol and Serotonin levels are in balance.
The sustained stress you'd been experiencing came to an abrupt halt with the submission of your last assignment or at the end of your last exam. So, no more stress, but it's likely you were left vulnerable to the blues because of the reduced level of Serotonin in your system."
Not everyone gets to go through this phase.
Some folks actually continue living life from where they left off. They are off on trips, concerts, 'parte after parte'.
What makes the difference? Why do some people struggle with so much time And others are hoping days dont end?



Well, this is my opinion of it.
Preparation is key.
Those who enjoy their holidays have planned it months ago.
While reading, they dreamt about it. All that they would do during the holiday was an extra motivation to passing.
People who finish an exam and dont know what to do with themselves were most likely just completely centred on passing and nothing more.
Their motivation was a fear for failure .
This is a classic case of prevention better than cure .
While prepping for a paper, make a plan.
Be it a travel plan, an activity schedule or a bucket list.
Add that to one of the reasons to be done with the exam once and for all.


There's just another reason...
As mean as this may sound
There are folks Who live for just books and exams. Taking away medicine or whatever they study so passionately is a first class ticket to depression.
The advice? Get a life outside your life , have a contingency plan. For time is so fleeting, make the most of what's left.






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So today, a man got up not feeling so good. He went to work anyway and was met with an autopsy... Tired and unwell, he misdiagnosed.
And thus began the search for a murder suspect.

JohnPaul is madly in love with Jane. She is too but cant tell him that; it scares her to be so dazzled by him. And so instead, she is meeting him to break up with him and tell him she's with Connor now.
Stunned by the news, JohnPaul will go on to profess his love and Jane will laugh. And that laugh. That laugh will infuriate John so much that he will wrap his hands around her neck and like that he will become a murderer on the run. And will live with the guilt forever...
Years later, Jane's mother Rachael will in rage try to kill Connor, the man she thinks killed her daughter and instead will ride over Polly, JohnPaul's last daughter.


Twisted story...
But what none of them will know is that, the man who didnt wake up good shouldve reported an aneurysm as the cause of Jane's death not traumatic asphyxiation. As Jane, skinny and all suffered from Marfan's syndrome. If not, JohnPaul's act shouldnt have killed her.
1 man's mistake is another man's guilt and the cause of a child's disability.

Story 2:
Eddie...
His 82nd birthday will be his last day as in an attempt to save a little girl, he would lose his life...
In heaven, he meets the 1st of 5... A man named Joseph aka The blue man. @ the age of 5, Eddie was playing with his friends and as the ball ran across the street, he went after it. Not watching the road, Joseph's car will have to come to an abrupt stop to keep from hitting him. Too much shock for Mr. Blue man and eventually, he will have a car crash, walk out of his car and collapse. Moments later, he will be pronounced dead... Heart attack.



Eddie was 5 and until he died and met this man in heaven, he had no idea that he was responsible for another man's death.


Maybe you're wondering what these stories have to do with blanket.
But if you've ever seen a knitted blanket, you'll notice that every strand is intertwined with every other and loosening just one could take apart the whole clothing... That's our lives together... All of us..
We are all strands in this big blanket called Life... Connected in more ways than one...
Like Blue man said.. "... there are no random acts; we are all connected. As you cant seperate breeze from wind,you cant seperate 1 life from another..."




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In my days of roaming the earth single and looking for who to devour, my excuse for my non-committal was that I was "relationship-shy". It wasn't a concealed lie, I meant it but to be exact, my real reason for not wanting to be in a relationship was that i would make an amazing boyfriend, Yes, an amazing boyfriend.
I didn't want to because it takes a lot of work to almost completely have your woman satisfied. It was responsibilities I wasn't prepared for.
I know you probably have your eye brows raised and your forehead wrinkled but I'll backup my claim in telling you how to be an amazing boyfriend: all it entails regardless the woman you're dating.

Well, let's begin.
Relationships take three stages
The trusting phase, the comfort phase and the break-up.

Let's into it
The trusting phase.
This is the initial phase of the relationship: just after she has said the words "yes" to you.
For the average sane woman , relationships mean a great deal to them and they are never actually sure at first if they made the right choice, if this could go all the way or end horribly wrong and so they are in dire need of some security.


Chris Rock, one of my relaibale sources for courtship advise has a golden rule that he urges every man in a relationship to live by, it is that the very minute you wake up in the morning, take a look in the mirror and say to yourself. "Damn my dreams, Damn my Hopes and Aspirations, let's go out and make that woman happy".

Chris Rock believes that for a relationship to work, the focus should be on the woman, it should be all about her.

That golden rule is particular to the trusting phase. It s the phase to learn her love language that if you know what that means. It's the time for those random mid-day "I miss you and you're my world" texts. Late night calls that could last over 30mins, the words of affirmation when she's feeling blue. It's the time for the surprise Gifts and morning text messages.
This is the period of reassurance. This is where she believes you're the Right one and she isn't making a mistake.
To achieve this, you need to either honestly love your girlfriend or have a keen sense of responsibility and sometimes, a bit of both.

The next phase
The comfort phase
For different women, certain acts mark the beginning of the comfort phase. To some, its when they can fart in front of you or when they can go to the toilet in front of you. To others, when they can completely be naked around you or whatever there is.
But there's a similarity between all women when they get into the comfort phase. All women talk and complain a whole lot when they are comfortable in a relationship.
It's the phase where they begin to ask those questions no one knows the answers to but expect you to answer.
It's the time for questions like, " are you going to cheat on me?" Like I can see the future.
Or "what's on your mind, " even when absolutely nothing is on your mind and then you have to come up with something.

The truth is, women don't really ask these questions for answers, they do it for the attention.
Women love to be seen as a trophy, a prize. Well, everyone does but women will demand to be seen as that, when your trophy comes calling, it demands all of your attention and interest.
So when a woman is talking about her day, dishing you the hot gossips of her friends or family coupled with all that questions you dont understand, just try to nod your head, fake a gaze or actually make one and listen till you can't no more.


The complains, this is where it begins....
And as much as I hate to admit it, women actually don't complain for no reason. The chief reason why they do is because the men stop trying, they get comfortable too. They dont call as much, buy gifts way less or not at all, fails to go to church or arrange his house and so on and so forth.

What happens when you do all of that? they complain still. They complain that there's nothing to complain about.


Truth is this, complains are proof that the relationship is moving well, it expresses that she's still interested in you. It's a necessity for women to complain. How else are they going to let out all that monthly hormonal imbalance. They have to complain to someone and it's best if it's you and not someone else.

What to do? First thing, apologise and make effort to change. You don't really have to change outrightly, showing effort is often times enough.
This is also where you spontaneously show her glimpses of the old you. Make those surprise texts, morning text and gifts once in blue moon, I'm talking once in like two months. It's best when it comes as a shock rather than a surprise.

The Break Up
Like they say, all good things come to an end and there's a good way to end things that doesnt ruin years of good work.
How?
It's the things; Don't be the reason why she's breaking up, in other words, dont get caught or don't do anything worth catching in the first place.
The 2nd rule? Let her do the break up or explain to her in clear terms why the relationship should end.


I know theres alot of things unsaid.
A whole lot.
It's a whole book on how to be an amazing in a relationship but see this article as the blueprint.






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It started with Nipsey Hussle.
A couple days or weeks after he had been shot dead, Nipsey had his 1st Billboard number one track. I remember feeling very upset about it. Especially because, if he had gotten this when he was alive, it would have called for celebration. Now dead, it added no value to him and that made no sense to me.
The sad part is actually that, Nipsey is just one among many who receive accolades when they're gone.
1. VAN GOGH


You may not know him but i have a feeling you must have come across this picture.
In case you have, its Van Gogh's work. He was an artist. Presently, his art works are priced in millions. However, when he was alive, he was only able to sell just one painting. Through his lifetime, he suffered poverty, epilepsy and depression so bad that he cut off his ear one day. Sad life right? But today, he is recognized as one of the greatest artists ever lived. One problem, he never got to find out.

2. EMILY DICKINSON


She was a poet. Often referred to as a poet ahead of her time. It wasn't until after her death in 1886 that the world started to recognize her works. She did say though, "when something is done for the first time, it releases a little demon." She couldn't have been more right.
3. GALILEO GALILEI


This wonderful astronomer is credited with the invention of the telescope. Pretty amazing right? However, during his lifetime he was highly criticized and ridiculed particularly because of the predominant christian beliefs at that time. Can you imagine? He gave us something crazy amazing and he never got to find out how amazing it was. ☹

4. EDGAR ALLAN POE



This is another guy you may not know. He is a renowned poet and writer. I myself came across him in the book Love letters to the dead. He is very well appreciated today and praised for his writing style and themes. However, whilst alive, he could barely afford 2 square meals a day and eventually took to alcoholism following his wife's death.
5. GREGOR JOHANN MENDEL


If you ever paid attention during Biology class then you ought to have heard of this fella. He is regarded as the father of modern genetics. We do remember Mendel's laws of genetics right? Sadly, this genius died in 1884 with the knowledge of his work being negated. If only he knew that science students are being forced to cram and understand his laws.

6. STEIG LARSSON


Well you may have not read the book but you must have heard about the movie, The girl with the dragon tattoo. This guy is the mastermind behind that thriller. He was only known as a journalist in Sweden and his books received global acclaimation after his death. His legacy has received the fame he never tasted when he was alive.

7. BRUCE LEE


Everybody has heard about this guy. I think. Before Jet Li and the JackieChan era, there was Bruce. However, when he was alive he had a very limited audience. Its been years since his death, and today his movies are recognized worldwide.

8. MOZART


I'm not a fan of classical music but if you are, you must have heard about Mozart. He was a composer. One of the greatest ever known. But during his life, he was extremely poor, his music having never received acceptance.

Chuck Palahnuik said, " The goal isn't to live forever. It is to create something that will." For these people it could have been wrong timing or their works having not been understood or not reached the right hands. Or perhaps, there is something about death that attracts fame. Who knows?



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There are several ways humans show affection, from hugging to cuddling to holding hands, but one major way we show affection is by Kissing. The history and origin of this act is bizarre, Some researchers believe that kissing began millions of years ago as a result of mouth to mouth feeding, with mothers chewing food and forcing it down into the mouth of their young (ewww). Others found archeological literatures in India, suggesting an early form and perhaps Origin of kissing at around 1500 B.C. Don’t go doing it in public at India though. We watch Movies, read novels that has glorified and painted the act, we all want to kiss someone at one time of our lives, you should but keep it private in these places.



1 Dubai, UAE
This should be well known by now. Kissing in public is a serious offence here, and paradoxically, Dubai has some of the most romantic sights on earth, “patting” a member of the opposite sex in open is even illegal. When you go out to see the marvelous attractions around Dubai with him or her, just make a mental note “I will kiss you for this later”.

2 China
Haven’t you ever wondered why in Chinese romance flicks and movies, the lovebirds never kiss? It is because it is illegal to be involved in “Public displays of affection (PDA)”. I think that is for the best, you might kiss someone else thinking he or she is your spouse, seeing as they all look alike.

3 Zimbabwe
(University of Zimbabwe) At this university, students can get expelled for PDA, they even went further to stipulate anyone caught in an “intimate” position in public will be expelled. Those students must be really studios, I wonder what happens in their dormitories though.



4 Vietnam
Here, it isn’t really a legal problem, but more of society and Norms. Kissing and sex are categorized together here. A person caught could be paraded, stigmatized or worse. Imaging kissing someone in public, you are caught and the report says you were caught “Sleeping with someone in public”. That bad.

5 Qatar
Qatar just recently allowed holding hands in public, kissing on the other hand is a no-no. Now to make everything confusing, they stipulate that kissing in public is only allowed between close Friends and Families of the same gender, but they are against homosexuality. These guys are indirectly encouraging Incest.

6 India
Just like China, you hardly see kissing in Bollywood, and for a place where kissing was a big part of archeological literatures, doing that in public gets you a prison sentence. Now here comes the funny part. According to section 294 of the Indian penal code, in addition to kissing, “whoever Sings, recites, or utter any obscene song, ballad or words in or any near public place shall be punished with imprisonment”. Who knew that they didn’t like love songs when there is a song of a girl or boy singing to each other with unpracticed but suddenly perfect dance moves every 5 minutes in their movies, and you say I shouldn’t try that in public?.



7 Thailand
Known for gorgeous beaches, beautiful temples, delicious food, and its sex tourism. But don’t be fooled, the country as a whole has conservative beliefs. You won’t eat the gorgeous food for longer if u got caught and you are a migrant.

And One. Nigeria
Kissing in public isn’t illegal in Nigeria, but if you value your private life, you would agree with me that you shouldn’t do it in public especially around the older folks. You might find yourself on Blogs, be eye bathed by several passer byes. You can even bring a busy market to a standby. Don’t go telling some police officers it isn’t illegal though, you might find yourself in a cell being charged with “Indecent public display” with or without “Assault of a police officer”, the later for good measure.

There are many other places but these places are where I am pinning it down, its always fascinating to discover how different cultures approach PDA. Showing a little respect can take you far, and who ever said privacy was a bad thing?




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It started with an argument with one of my fav people,Aire.
He was requesting why i didn't say hi whilst i was leaving the class. I replied that he was talking to someone i didn't like so why bother? He threw his hands up in exasperation and exclaimed, " what is it with women? Why don't you guys just ever get along?". At the time, this outburst was met with folded hands and a raised eyebrow. However, it had me wondering. Not just because of what he said but because it was something i had noticed since i was little. I thought it was just a like-poles-repel thing but it appears to be more than that.


So i did some digging and it was quite amazing to discover that more people had looked into this matter particularly during the time of Hillary Clinton's campaign. A psychological reasearch is actually being carried out on it. You see how big a deal it is?

Now to the chocolate of the matter:
♡COMPETITION:
In most of the articles i looked up, this one word was staring back at me.
One reason for girl-hate is that we see each other as threats. It finds its root in an age long behaviour that has been carried on for generations.
Back in the days, before women had access to education, to a voice, to any right at all; all a woman had was her sex appeal. That was her passport to a man's home and probably a better life. If you were the one, wouldn't you hate anything that threatened that?

Fast forward to present times. Women are doing awesome things. We have rights, we have education, we have way better options. Why do we still feel threatened?
I like to think it's because that how we have been bred. Your mother tells you not to let your friends know who you're dating so she doesn't steal him from you. Your friends can't believe you let your boyfriend have that hot girl as a "friend" . We are constantly drilled and reminded to fend off the threats. It's like we're animals who have to mark our territories on our mates. It's fucking outrageous.


Let's leave the men aside.
Women have the propensity to compare themselves with each other. Most of us fake the aura of self love, self esteem and a confidence higher than the Eiffel tower. But you set eye on another girl and the things running through your mind is; Is she prettier? Does she dress better? Is she getting more boy-ttention?

We use this medium to measure ourselves and sometimes when we think the other girl just may be better, we decide to hate her. Call her bitch, slut, stuck-up, proud and whatever.
Look at most of disney princesses... Cinderella, Snow White, Belle, Aurora, Pocahuntas; none of them had girlfriends. Matter of fact, any female in the picture is a threat to happy-ever-after. And what is happy ever after? Marriage to some stranger prince. Even from cradle, we are taught that women are the threats and the men are the saviours; the knights in stupid shining armours.

One would think that with the popularity of the theory of Feminism, some of this girl-hate would be out of the way. Especially cos we're advocating for girls to be seen for way more than their sexuality. But we still live in this world where a girl fights another girl for sleeping with her boyfriend.
Then goes ahead to forgive the boyfriend over a gift of synthetic flowers and sick-ass apologies. I actually overheard a phone conversation of an agitated wife telling a supposed side-chick to stop calling her husband; that he was a married man. I wanted to yell through my window, "your husband doesn't know he's married?"


Let me set my righteous anger aside and just say, we're never ever gonna get anywhere if we keep fighting ourselves. We need to reconstruct that aspect of our brains that gets threatened when we see another female. This is not a fucking jungle, the males are not the ultimate prizes. Go ahead to genuinely compliment females on their fashion, their brains, their talents and not just on their engagement rings and rich boyfriends.
Fix your confidence so much so that another female's achievements is a source of inspiration and not disdain or jealousy.
Otrera was one powerful woman. But she didn't create the Amazons all by herself. She did it with other women and according to Greek mythology, the Amazons were the one of the most formidable forces ever. Our greatest strength lie with us together not apart.

Ps:
If you haven't, you should watch The Other Woman. It'll give you a real nice idea of what could happen if we lay down the this girl hate.



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I remember, I think I was about 12.
I saw my older sister cry to her best friend who was at the house.
She kept talking about all she did and didn't do, the sacrifices and all of that just to find him cheating. I remember her asking her friend with a tired voice,"why do men cheat?"

So, today, we aren't asking that.
We are asking the bigger picture.
Why does anyone cheat?
Why does a man or a woman cheat?


And so, I asked the men to answer
Why they cheat
And the women to do the same
And here are the abbrieved results.

Why do women Cheat?
The chunk of women said, 'A myriad of reasons that can be summarised into these four'
1. A lack of attention
2. A chronic deprivation of good sex
3. Plain ol' greed.
4. For the fun of it.

A lack of attention
• Its beyond cliche to talk about how much attention means to a woman. Rihanna said it right, a woman wants to feel like the only girl in the world. Starve a woman sufficiently enough and she becomes emotionally available to grace someone else's bed.
Chronic deprivation of good sex
• A friend told me once that
"Most women when they are not struggling or pretending to conform to societal standards and expectations have pretty much the same sexual libido as men"

There's often the arguement that who likes sex more between men and women and my friend's reply does answer that question sorta.
I've always considered women to be sexual beings , they are driven by fantasies and expectations of how sex should be and feel and failure to remotely meet these expectations could send your woman away.
" a woman has needs" is the common phrase for give me good sex or I'll look for it some where else.

Plain Greed
Every girl has what rocks her boat.
Some priorities trump others,
To some girls, its money before anything else.
And yes, they would bend the knee (pun intended) for the man with the money.

For the fun of it
The biological clock
That's a woman's enemy.
The clock that silently says "you should be married by now, you're running out of ova"


The biological clock does give a woman a free time to have all the fun
Say age 18-22
Theres no rush, you can date your age mate, have some night stands, cheat and be cheated on, break hearts and be heartbroken.
And some women don't pass on this free time, they will fully explore and most especially sexually.


Finally, this is my verdict
Woman cheat for a better offer that suits or complete satisfies the want for that time.


Why do Men Cheat?

The common reason I've heard people say is Men are promiscuous by nature.
They are born that way.

But I asked a few boys on why they cheat.

"Well, it's fun. It's interesting, a break from monotony. "

"It's trying something different, some new adventure."

"It doesnt mean the girlfriend isn't loved or is loved less.
A man can love his girlfriend and still just cheat, it's a primal manly need, to cheat."

These reasons and more similar reasons were shared but my crust of the matter is this.
I don't buy into any of those reasons.


Men cheat because society has said we can and we should.
Society encourages men to notorious for debauching young women
It cheers them up to LovePeddler around without a smidgen of shame.
A man who can get more women would be the envy of his social group
But a woman who has multiple sexual partners would be shamed and in some parts of the world, stoned to death.

Man's free licence to cheat is the reason why men cheat.
Women, on the other hand, Express this basic human nature with more caution and phenomenal levels of deceit.



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I looked down to my phone
She's calling
It's Martha
She's about to go all lovey dovey once again but I'm not in the mood for it.
Not even slightly
I ignore the call and decide I'll make up an excuse later.

I feel bad about how much I cheat and how much my girlfriend wants my time and body solely.

It's an unfair world, a cruel blow to someone so loving
Martha is just one of the 4.
One of the 4 girls I call when I want to feel something different.
Martha calls again and I answer...
She's coming to spend the night.
And she's bringing all of that body home for the taking

See, Martha is somewhat cute but has amazing breasts.
It's hard to admire.
My perv mind has undressed her too many times until this meet.

After sex, really nice sex, I look at her bare butt peeping through the sheets. I give it a nice tap as I reach for my phone.

My girlfriend does text me, she asks me if I'm hungry and would want to eat something...

That huge sense of guilt feels me up once more....
That night, I slept with the guilt
Woke up and asked for a last sex, I supposed.
It was even better than last night.
Everything was right about it.

It was supposed to be the last of Martha but hell No. Deep down I wanted one more...
One more of that good feeling...

But when she was gone.
I went to see my girlfriend.
Looked at her so much.
Her beauty
Her hot body
Her sense of humour and how brilliant she is.



How can someone cheat on this.
On this near perfection
With someone not half as close.

Wèll, that's me...

So I decide, no more.
I want to be an honest man
I want to turn a new leaf
She draws near and reaches to initiate a kiss, I hold her chin to make her stop, look her in the eye...And say "stop babe, I love you so much".
There's something we should talk about
I cheated






There was this pause in the moment
And before I could say my next words
She slapped the living the day light out of my face.

"Baby!!!!"

"Get out of my house right now"
She yelled.

I picked up my bag and left still holding my face
It's been 5 days since I last heard from my Girlfriend
I've called like 5000 times.

So, today, I go to see her.
She opens the door and hugs me.
So tight
And then tells me, never cheat on me again
I mean...
Never never again
The relief.
The joy


You wouldn't understand.
But like they say nothing lasts forever...

It's a month now of our renewed relationship.

I've deleted Martha's number and the rest of them...
But I've got to admit. I miss Martha's body and the scent of her skin...

Talk of the devil, I get a call from an unknown number.
It's Martha, she's so angry with me on the phone...
I couldn't say a word without her screaming down on me.

"I'm fucking pregnant for you Bastard"


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It started on a Friday Evening

I was on my way from Choir rehearsal
Truth be told, I'm a terrible singer.
I don't go to learn. I've tried a thousand times, I'm not just blessed with that voice. I go to listen to the singer's . The harmony is beautiful.



So, yes...on this Day.
He came to me, he wasn't the dream tall,dark and handsome.
He had shrunkened eyes with sonorous voice.

"Hey, I've noticed you a lot of times"


I could barely say anything
Not a word in return.

In my defence, I made my "not interested in talking to you face"
So I could get out of the situation.
He dropped his eyes down, took a few steps backward and said he was sorry and left.

I don't know why
But at that very moment. I felt some rush of guilt.
If I could, I would have rewind time to be more polite.

Its just, since Rita's heartbreak. I've been so scared of boys.
Rita is my best friend
And damn, she went crazy when she caught her "virgin" boyfriend doing "unvirgin" like things to his supposed cousin.
It gets worse. He didn't flinch or crawl on the floor begging for forgiveness. He walked to the door. Told her it was over and continued his business.

Her pain sent chills to me

I've never been in love.
Not because I don't want to but because I don't want to be Rita.

__________________________

Another Choir Rehearsal

I cared less about the singing
I wanted to make amends
I walked to him.
I could see the grin he tried so hard to hide.
I apologised for the last time and lied that I was a bit under the weather.
He smiled, asked for a handshake and said "Truce?"


I shook his hands and made a nod.
As I turned to leave, he said "I don't know your name. My name is Austin"

And that was it
The very beginning
A talk and another talk
A walk and another walk
I was knowing Austin

He was Smart, surprisingly so.
He had this lost look about him

He was funny, sometimes too funny.
But sadly, he wasnt religious at all.
He didn't like the church.
He just liked to sing.
It was the deterrent
But still, he was fun to be with.


I still remember the date
It was the 5th of March
A Tuesday Evening, we walked through the back of Pa Chimezie's house. He told me, "I like you, I like you Rachael"


I was definite, I knew I liked him back
But hell no, I wasn't going to say it back.
I smiled, maybe blushed a tiny little bit and said " I know, friends like each other, I like you too" and tapped him on the back and said, let's go.

There was the awkward silence
Would you blame me?
I was scared to death.

As we got to my house, he asked for a hug, as my hands wrapped across his neck and his hands behing my back
He stared deep into my soul.


And slowly
Reached out to kiss me.
I didn't kiss back
I couldn't. I wanted to be able to blame him after it all.
But I liked it nonetheless

After the moment, he leaned back, held my hand and said.
Goodnight.

I watched him walk away.
I was in trouble.
I was falling in love
Slowly into the abyss of uncertainty.I'll spare you all the details.
Know, it's already 3 months into our relationship.
Yes, I gave Austin a chance.
The chance to either make or break me.It's been an awesome 3 months but something was missing

Austin never spoke of any Ex's
Not a single one.
And he had only 3 friends.
They never speak to me in more than 2 sentences
It was a bit weird until this happened.


We went out with his friends
For a night out.
I didn't want to wear much.
I had t shirt on without my bra and a short.
And the cold wasn't fair to my nipples
They were mighty shooting out of my shirt.

Some other guy at a table close to us wouldn't stop staring.
It was grossly uncomfortable.

As I stepped out to receive a phone call. He walked up to me and before he could say a few words.
Austin walked up to me, held me by the hand and asked that we go back to our seats.
The lad got offended, held my other hand and told Austin he was being rude.

In that Moment, I had never seen Austin that way. He took a bottle on the table and shattered it into bits on the other guys head.

I was petrified.He held my hand even tighter as we walked away from the spot.

He asked that I stay over at his place.
Not a chance in hell I was going to.
I expressed my displeasure but he was remorseful and blamed it on the drinks.His excuse?
he gets violent when he's drunk.
He promised to quit drinking and that nothing mattered more than our relationship

What could I do?
I hung unto those words
I wanted to believe we could work

But I had never been more wrong.It happened over and over again.
He was utterly insecure and violent
He fought with my co workers and even my own brother

It was too much now
I didn't feel an ounce of love no more.

And I did what I had to do.
I invited him over.
Made his favourite
Gave him a warm bath

Had sex in all of his favourite positions
And in the morning.
I told it was over.

__________________________



He was furious
It took all of my neighbours to kick him out of my place.

I was done.

I deleted all of our pictures
His contact.
And threw away every gift and anything that reminded me of him

But I'm sure you already know. That wasn't the last of himHe always came by the house.
It was disturbing.
He would leave me notes

When that wasn't working
He visited my friends
Begged them to beg me

And went as far as calling my parents.Nothing was scarier


I had to relocate to another City.

It was peace at last,
And I met someone new.

Some Banker,who worked at my bank.

Life seemed okay
I was happy.My Banker boyfriend wanted to get a little more serious
He asked that I move in with him

I wasn't down for that
So I asked that he move in with me. I was more comfortable in my own place.

And so we did. It was a bit rough at first. But we settled in fine eventually.

He Often came in Late as all Bankers do.On this day, he didn't show up home.
I tried all his cells.
Nothing.
It was 1: 24 a.m
I was worried now.

5 minutes later, I heard his loud horn of his car.

I leaped for Joy and rushed to the gate.
I had already racked up all my rants and tantrum I saw about to throw down.
As I opened.

My heart froze.
It was Austin.
In my boyfriends car
Driving in

In that Moment, I couldn't scream, I was stuck to the spot.He stopped the car at the centre of the house.
He looked so different
He had alot of beard.
His eyes were bloodshot.

He stepped out of the car and barely on his feet.
He must have been drunk...
He screamed out my name in his deep voice.

"RACHEAL YOU'RE MINE"


He had a gun to his hand.

And at this moment
I ran inside and bolted all doors.
I was beyond shivering in fear.

I looked through the window to find him opening the boot of the car.
My Boyfriend, all tied up
Dropped down to the floor and dragged along the ground to the front door."Open the Door Rachael or else, he's dead. I'll count to 10"

I opened the doors at count 3.

He dragged his body to the sitting room and tied him to a chair
There was blood all over my Boyfriend shirt. Quite alot of blood."Why did you leave me"
"I loved you so much"
He cried out those words as he walked towards me.

I walked back even further in fear till I was at the kitchen.
I mustered any form of courage as I groped behind me for a knife or anything remotely sharp.

I could feel something, it was the grater. Not what i wanted but it was something. It was anything.

He halts and asked that I sit down next to my Boyfriend.

I slipped the grater into my garments as he tied me too.And slowly I started the cut pieces of the ropes my hands were tied to.

Austin makes it a choice.
"It's me or Him
You have to choose this moment. "


I didn't even give it a thought.
I yelled it out in tears
"I CHOOSE YOU AUSTIN"


I wanted to be over and done with.
He should just leave us alone.

But I was so wrong.
So so wrong.

Austin smirked and raised the Gun to my Boyfriend and said.

"Then He has to go, we don't need him anymore. It's you and Me now"

As he reached to pull the trigger.
I rushed out of my chair, reached for his gun

But then, I heard the loud shot of his gun.
It almost sent me deaf.

There was a certain still in the momentI felt my Boyfriend scream out of his gag
I could see Austin face, he was in complete shock
And I felt a rush of heat and cold fill of me.

I felt it all at once; fear, cold, pain and an emptiness.

I had just been shot. Straight to the chest.
And I was getting cold.
I stared at the site of my own blood pursing out through my chest.

Austin bloodshot eyes had never been whiter. He was in such daze, he dropped his gun and ran out of the house.
That must have been the last of Him.

And in my last moments.
I realised that Rita had it good.
Love brought her heartbreak and me, my death.



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Remember the "casablanca" video?
In it, A man was praying aloud in a crusade. He was shouting to God about his woes; He kept on mentioning a name, "Casablanca".
He prayed about his compulsion to always visit Casablanca to the ruin of his beautiful family . He begged God to give him the strength to refrain from visiting Casablanca.

In this man's moment of honesty with God, someone or some people saw the humour in the scenario and decided to make a video of it for the "likes".
As expected, alot of people laughed at it and shared it even further till it got to me; but it puzzled me. Don't people see the damage, the ruin we cause others for the sake of some hours of fame or approval?

Take this story for an example.
Making that very video is a blatant exhibition of disrespect for God, the man and his family. Does anyone care how his wife, kids and friends would react to hat video? That video has all it takes to ruin that man's life almost completely but no one cares as long as they are entertained.




It doesn't end here.
People are of a habit of posting "death" pictures;often grotesque to publicise the death of a friend or someone they barely knew. I don't read minds but I'd bet a fortune that people post these pictures not Because they grieve but for the recognition. Yes, it goes to show how far people would condescend to be recognised. Nobody thinks about the actual grieving Mother and oh, the siblings seeing the horror of the "death" picture all over social media. Nobody cares as long as they get the likes.

It makes me wonder what is it about social media that compels us to be this insensitive and cruel.
Maybe Man has an in-depth need to be respected, appreciated and recognised. Maybe or Maybe not but I may never know
The message I preach is this.
Let us be responsible to one other
It is a call to be thoughtful in recognising that all actions affect, sometimes deeply and also, come to the realisation that the social media "likes" are often short-lived and ultimately insignificant even though the feeling is nice when it lingers.



Every action has an equal and opposite reaction
Isaac Newton.


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There's hardly a day I don't see at least a tweet, Facebook or WhatsApp Status Update about either Fake Friends or Hypocrites.
Sometimes it seems like everyone wants loyalty But a few are willing to give it.


Over time, I have said that everyone is a fake friend/hypocrite to someone and at the end of it, we are all hypocrites.

Today, we seek God's view.
What does God think of Hypocrites?
What are the kind of People He considers to be Hypocrites?

Well, welcome to the WAY OF HYPOCRITES.

In Giving; MATTHEW 6:1
"They give publicly before men; in other to be seen by them..."

Verse 2,
"They tell others about what they've given so that they may be recognised or praised"

What does God say is the right way?
Verse 3,4
"But when you give to charity, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing,"

"Give in secret,and let God reward you in the open"

And in Praying;
MATTHEW 6:5,7
"...They love to pray openly, for them to be seen"
"...They repeat phrases and use multiple words, to increase their length of prayer"

The Right Way?
"Do not heap up phrases for God knows what you need before you ask"


This taught me something.
It is that what matters most isn't what is done but the manner and motive behind it.
In other words, it's what in the heart that matters most.
The way of the hypocrite is backed by self gratification and public approval.
It's a lifestyle that worries about what people think of you.
The lifestyle God's want is that which seeks His approval only.


Taking this knowledge and applying it into everyday relationships and friendships, the true friend is that whose motives surrounding their actions are of good intent even when the action fails to meet the motive.
A true friend Is that who wants what is best for you even if it means staying away from you.

The prayer is that we all have that ability to discern motive.



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When a girl begins to like a guy who has been asking her out and she's unsure about him, she always does a background check.
Ask his friends or her friends about him or best,search him on Facebook and carefully go through his profile.

Ladies! Y'all know I'm right.
In my case, the girl I had been asking out found something incredibly implicating on my Facebook page.
It was a post from a year ago.
The post read,
"its foolishness to love too hard, its unwise to invest so much emotion into uncertainty"

She was so upset about it. To her, it meant I never had any true intentions towards her.
In my defiance, I stood by my words to her amazement. I said that life is pretty unpredictable, today,I'm in love with you, tomorrow I might not be. Today, I'm the only one you want to see,tomorrow you'd rather spend time in hell than be around me. One can only promise to love as it comes and that's what I'm promising her, to love her as it comes.

I know right, I'm smooth but you have to agree with me.
Promising heaven and earth in good faith to your partner is such a futile thing to do for obvious reasons;
Primarily, we can't tell the future sadly.
And then, my favourite reason.
No matter how much your boyfriend or girlfriend is in love with you now, the very minute he/she meets A Better Offer they are leaving you or at least,they would cheat.
What is a better offer? A Better version of you.
If she likes you for being smart. She would leave you for a smarter guy
If she likes you for beinģ rich. A richer guy is your better version.
Whatever a woman loves the most about you, the minute she finds someone who trumps you in your expertise, kiss your girlfriend bye or at least, expect that someone else is getting it too.


This is the truth we do not want to admit, this is the truth that is scary.
This is the reason why loving too hard is playing Russian roulette.

The advice is Self-improvement .
I've heard people say things as "Love me as I am", "Real love doesn't try to change you" and so on and so forth but that's absolutely false.
Nobody wants to stay loving you as you're. Everyone Is open to betterness.
The only person allowed to be the same yesterday, today and forever is God.

What you can do?
Improve on the things that attract praises and acquire other skills.
If you're good singer? Be better and maybe learn an instrument to go with it.
If you're a writer? Read more to know more so you can write more.

Read the news, have constructive conversations, listen than speak. Grow a personality that wants to improve.
All these seemingly motivational talk all comes down to this.
Strive to be the desired than the desiring.



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The problem with the world is people who do things to the extreme.
And yes. I say that unapologetically.
Okay, that was a tad-bit dramatic but extremism isn't the problem or even the main problem and I don't think anyone knows what the problem of the world is. It's just too many But this, gets to me more than most.
People who ruin good things by taking it too serious or not at all.

I know how vague it is to blame it all on extremism but here's what I mean.
In our Society; the African society, there are certain pillars that define us
Religion and superstition
Politics
Patriarchal Culture
And oh yes, Sex.

These parameters hold society together and an overstretch of any of these could result in big problems.

Religion:


Religion is such a huge influence on Africans.
Each religion with its own set of rules and demands; religion will dictate how you dress, what you talk about, what to love and hate, what to kill, live and die for, who to be friends with and who your enemies are.
Now,imagine the effect of taking religion too serious or not at all.
I've heard people say, to be specific, I've heard Religious leaders talk with so much hate for gay people. They wouldn't even mind if they were all rounded up and killed,and the source of that hate? Religion playing a huge part.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not gay but as all Christains should, I don't hate the person But the sin.

There's a saying that no religion is better than the other and that the problem is how well we practice them, although I do not entirely agree but there's some truth to it .
If everyone did practise religion with bounds of love, irrespectively variable, we would all be alright.


Politics:
I remember , I was probably in my 3rd year of medical school when I heard a conversation between two lecturers that stuck with me.
The male lecturer approached the female and asked her if she cared much for politics, she shyed away the question but He pressed on explaining how we all play politics whether we like it or not.
He said, choosing the clothes or shoe to wear daily is politics in its basic form. He ended the conversation by urging the woman to be more into politics for it is not a "dirty game" and with everyone's participation it can be better.

His words were true but the problem is this; people are either completely disinterested in politics or never want to leave power and both attitudes take their toll.
Straddling the fence on political issues puts at risk your future. It's leaving the possibility of a better life in the hands of complete idiots.
For a country like Nigeria where people have yielded to it's hopeless state. You wouldn't blame anyone who cares less for voting or campaigning but like Desmond Tutu said,

"If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor. If an elephant has its foot on the tail of a mouse and you say that you are neutral, the mouse will not appreciate your neutrality.

Patriarchal Culture


I couldn't just say culture, it wouldn't do justice at all.
Africans love their cultural values, they will scorn at, mock and even physically abuse anyone who deviates from them. The backbone of our culture is the belief that having a penis trumps the vagina; It's the belief that women and children are under legal dependence on men and a man is supreme.

It's a society that beliefs a man without a male child has no child at all, a woman should be utterly submissive to her husband irrespective of his 'extra marital status'.

A society that would rather send a son over a daughter to school.

I'm not in support of such an adopted way of life, it gets worse when people take it to lengths.
As much as this society is glaringly unfavourable to women, it does has it toll on Men. There's so much unwanted responsibility heaped on you and it's no surprise why men have lower life expectancy to women. Men are burdened to their death with all thanks to the culture we hold dear.

Sex


Last but far from been least, Sex.
The most talked about sex.

Except you have a congenital disorder, we can all agree that sex is beyond pleasurable and yes, we like it Whether it's before or in marriage.
Our society is weird.
It will shame a woman for speaking openly about how much she likes sex and how many partners she's had but it will praise a man for exactly the same thing.
It begs the question, who should men now sleep with?
But that aside, in light of critical reasoning
Problem begins when sex is sought for with too much zeal.
No one should like sex too much, not a man and not a woman.
Untamed desire for sex is responsible for Ill habits and repulsive acts such as rape.

Sadly, we live in a society that is slowly endorsing rape by blaming a woman for it.


In conclusion, whatever you do. Do it just right
Right enough to be considered sane.
Right enough not to hurt yourself or anyone close.



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In exactly five days from today I will be dead but I don't know it yet. My name is James and here is a story about how I die.



It's 5:41 in the morning on a Tuesday.

I reach out for my phone, it should be somewhere on the bed as I grope through the sheets. There's a message from Virginia, she's my lifesaver of a Secretary. Message reads that she has filed the documents I failed to and there's a meeting by 2p.m that I mustn't miss.



This time of the day is my best. I get to enjoy some measure of serenity, before the chaos that awaits begin. I just lay there in bed thinking about how my life would have turned out if I hadn't married Shirley.

It's not like I regret it, I don't but I guess every married man does wonder about it. You know, what if it was the other girl. In my story, the other girl is my secretary. I loved her or maybe still do but she met me at the wrong time; I was already engaged to my wife.

What did I do? I lied to her to have an affair till I couldn't anymore. As you could imagine, she was devastated but to my amazement she didn't quit the job. She just continued being my secretary and so here we are. Everyday, I go to work to see the woman that would have been and being utterly unable to do a thing about it because of this damn ring on my finger.



Let me tell you about my story with Virginia. I met her at a friend's Wedding. She came in looking strange without a smidgen of make up, I mean who comes to a wedding with a t-shirt, jean and sneakers and no make up at all. She asked if the sit next to mine was taken. It was but I told her it wasn't she had a certain je ne sais quoi that made me want her to sit next to me.

I asked her the last time she cried. She looked at me puzzled and said who asks that as a conservation opener?

I told her I do and I think she's one of those people who act not to care but care way too much.

She wore a smile and said she wasn't going to consider me smart for coming up with that, it wasn't that hard to guess.

Talk after talk till it was time to leave. I asked her for her number and she told me she wasn't going to in that moment. She made me a bet that if we see each other again in the space of a week, she wasn't only going to give me my number She would come and visit me.

I liked the challenged and didn't want to lose. So, I asked around about where she stayed and got the information off a friend of hers. On the 6th day, I went over to visit her. I knocked on the door with a box of cookies in my hand, to my surprise, an elderly man opened the door and said

"Can I help you?"



I stuttered, "Good evening Sir,..."



"It's Afternoon, you're looking for Virginia?"



"Yes Sir"



"Daddy, who is that? " She said approaching the door.



"You? What are you doing here? Daddy he's my new friend. "



She was elated seeing shiver in fear of her Dad.



"You must be a bad boy to fear my Dad so much, you want to hurt his daughter"

She joked as she walked me to the sitting room.



We talked so much that day till it was getting late.

On her promised visit, I tried to initiate the first kiss, she literally ran out of my house. I had concluded she suffered from Philemaphobia until we had a talk about it. She made me wait 30 days for a kiss; it was a taste of hell for me but I have to admit that waiting so long did make the first kiss super special.

I had her work for me as my secretary because her job as an attendant at a Hotel was a joke. She was paid pennies. She didn't like the idea at first but I guess the offer was too good to refuse.



The first Sex? Here's the saddest part. I was her very first. A horrible person like me was her very first. She found out about my fiancè 2 weeks after her first Sex.

Nothing could hurt more. I remember she cried so much till she was admitted in the hospital.

I know it's hard to believe, but I did love Virginia and never intended for it go that far and end that bad. That's life sometimes.

My soon to be wife caught us kissing at the office after work hours and made me swear on my life that I would never have anything to do with her again.

She promised to kill me if I did.

That was it for me and Virginia.









Martha, that's my 5 year old daughter. She runs in asking to sleep next to me because she's scared but she never sleeps. It's one question then another till it's time for school and work for me. Just like that, the chaos I dread begins.



My Wife? She's out of town, she's a Doctor and never really around much. I'm not complaining, I've come to terms with her absence but it's just that sometimes a Man has needs. She does make effort though to reach out. A call every morning, afternoon and night. She calls to Tell me about her night, the stories and when she would be back and like a good, supportive husband I have to hide my desperation and listen to the stories, laugh at the jokes and say those 3 words.



I and my Wife were never this estranged, we were once inseparable; we couldn't do without seeing each other in a week and were very sexual people. We had sex the very first day we met.

We met at party, she had just concluded her final exams and wanted to do something out of the ordinary. She came to me on my table sitting alone as the friends I had come with went to get booze. She asked if I came alone. I told her it depended on what she wanted to ask for.

She smiled and said she wanted someone to do something crazy with and forget all about it tomorow.



"I'm hard to forget"

That was my reply and yes, that crazy thing she wanted to do was have sex with a complete stranger.

We had sex at my place but after it, we talked. She was so smart and pretty and couldn't stop telling her that she was. Maybe it was the alcohol or the good sex but I reached out for a rubber band and made a ring of it and told her I'm going you someday, say yes to me now till I can afford a real ring.

She smiled, called me sweet and said yes. That was the start of our love story. The truth is i don't know where exactly we got it wrong in our marriage but we just did. We lost the fire.

Well, I Do miss my wife and can't wait to see her in 7 days time.



8:21 that morning, I'm sitting in my office considerably idle and I look through the glass to see Virginia, something was odd; she had flowers on her table with a pack of chocolate.

I was curious and so I asked her to come in my office.



"You've got a boyfriend or is someone trying to steal you away from me"

I joked.

She laughs and says "sir,..."

"Virginia, don't call me that. You know I hate it when you do that"



"I'm sorry Sir, I think I will get back to work now"



Sometimes, I think she does this 'Sir' thing to rub it on my face that I lost her and damn does it work.

I take a walk to her table and find out who it could be from. It read "love, Superman".



"You have a superman now?"



She smiled in a way all too familiar as she said sort of.

I haven't been filled with so much jealousy like this in decades.

I wanted to see this superman and find out what's so super about him anyway.



5:12pm

Virginia stayed behind after work hour was over.



"Aren't you done with filing?"



"I am but I've got some more work to finish before I'm almost done"



I didn't believe her, she was waiting for something or someone. I wanted to know And so I asked that I'll stay with her and help. As expected, she declined and promised to take care of it herself.

I wasn't buying that and so I stayed.

In about 10mins, a young fully bearded man walked in.

Okay, I'm lying.

He was more than fully bearded and young. He was utterly hunky and handsome.



"Good evening Mr James"

He said in the voice of a baby. It was ironic to me, I had never seen such mismatch as his voice to his frame.



I greet him back as I watched him take Virginia away.

In that moment I had one thing in mind; to win Virginia back.





☆☆☆☆



It's Wednesday.

9 in the morning. I get a call from Virginia asking me why I haven't reported for work. I tell her I'm ill and won't be making it and asked if she could stop by to check on me before she heads home.

She agrees and asked about medications.



5:11pm

Virginia is at the house, the smile on my face on seeing her gave it away that my health was whole.



"What did you say was wrong with you again?"



"Malaria"



"Like this? You look healthier than you were yesterday "



"Have a sit V, I feel better now that you're here"



She sat down, crossed her legs, took off her glasses and said,



"James, I know what you're about to try, there's no use.

Allow me move on. Allow me to be happy"



I should have listened but i didn't. Instead I said the words that marked the beginning of my end. I told her how every morning I thought about her and that I look at her everyday through the glass at the office.

I told her that I loved her still and I have never stopped.



"Dad, who are you loving?"

Martha said with a frown.



"Hey sweetheart no-one. You're the only one I love"



"Who is she?"



"My old friend, she works with Daddy"



In that moment, I wished I didn't have a kid.



"I have to go James"



I couldn't say anything more. It hit me that if anything was going to happen, it was never going to be in this house.

Later that night, I called to no replies and it continued for 3 days more. On the 3rd day she sent a message that she was quitting the job.

Virginia must have known without a scintilla of doubt that I wasn't quitting on her so soon, she would always say that the most attractive side of me was my resilience.



☆☆☆☆☆



What did I do next?

I went to visit her and I bought her a jar of nutella, yoghurt and The Fault In Our Stars in BluRay.

To me, it was the perfect idea of seduction. I asked that we stay in, eat chocolate and watch the movie we've watched a million times together.

In some way, she agreed and asked that pillows separates us.

Thank you Augustus Walters for dying; that scene gets to her every time. Tears rolled down as I reached out to hold her with my arms running down her hair. I lean even forward and she she whispers

"Please don't ruin the moment"



Those words flew into one ear and left through the next.

I looked her in the eye and asked that she be utterly honest with my next question

"Yeah..."



"Do you still love me?"



"I don't know James, sometimes I do and sometimes I don't"



"Do you love me now?"



"I can't answer that" as she turns away



"Thats all the answer I need"



As I reached out for her neck with a kiss.

She pushed me away unconvincingly and i pulled her closer, made the bold move and kissed her. She wouldn't kiss back at first but I kissed her still till she kissed back and even deeper. In moments, the room was hotter she kissed down to my neck and nipples.

Old make out memories ran through all corners of my mind. She paused, got a dab of the nutella and kissed down to my hollows. I may have passed out at some point with excitement.



I turned her over and stared at her ample breasts with a smile. She leaned forward to kiss me and said

"You like breasts too much"

It was my turn with the nutella and made chocolate out of the nipples.

Before 'entry', she looked to the ceiling and said to herself I know I'm going to regret this.

Every stroke was beyond pleasurable until a knock ruined the moment.

She had all my clothes thrown at me and ask that I hid in the bathroom as she rushed to wear just anything.

It was her boyfriend, the room had the undeniable scent of sex and he was furious.



"Where is he? Tell me where!!!"

As he raised the bed over and slammed the doors of the wardrobe.

I hurriedly wore my clothes and came out of the bathroom.

Virginia ran to Him telling him to calm down promising to explain everything but how do you calm a Man who finds his girlfriend cheating with her boss.



"Hey bro, Relax, I'm sorry this looks this baaaaa"

I was interrupted with a blow to my mouth. He grabbed me by my shirt, raised me off the ground and threw me back to the ground yelling I will kill you today.

I wasn't going to get myself beaten without a fight and so I tried to fight back. I knew I wasn't going to win fighting fist to fist. I reached out for the chair and hit him on the head with it. He fell to the floor unconscious. Virginia screamed in disbelief .



"What have you done? You've killed him?"



She runs to me hitting me as hard as she can and crying. I was overwhelmed by the incident entirely, I couldn't say anything to pacify Virginia. All I wanted was to go home and wait for my wife to be back.



"He has a pulse, do something..."

I didn't care if he had a pulse or not. As I reached out for my car keys to run out of the mess, there was another knock on the door.

Guess who it was? My freaking wife.

Could the day get any worse. I begged the ground to open up so I could fall in.

What was she doing here? Why did she come earlier than scheduled?

It's all thanks to my 5 year old daughter.

She had called her mom with my phone the day she overheard me tell Virginia that I loved her to Tell her mom that I was loving another woman.

My Wife knew, it had to be my Secretary.

For years, she had always been insecure knowing that the Secretary I had an affair with still worked with me. She would joke around about how she would kill me if she ever found out that I was sleeping with her.

Well, I was about to find out how much of a joke it was.



She ran towards me in tears

"Why, why would you do this to me, I trusted you"

"Who's that?"

As she points towards Virginia's boyfriend on the floor who is already gainining consciousness with the meanest of looks on his face.

"Her Boyfriend "

He answers pointing to Virginia.

My Wife, still in tears walks to the kitchen and scrambles over cutleries as my heart raced.

The boyfriend walks over to the door and locks it with the keys

Virginia has hate for me painted on every side of her face as she stares into my soul.



Right in front of me, is 3 people with every reason to want me dead. I just kept on wondering who is going to do it.

I wasn't willing to die as some sacrificial lamb, I had two options.

To talk my way out of this one or to leave here violently.

I chose the former.

I reached out to my wife



"Sweetheart, I love you, I just made a mistake. It's the very last I promise. I was carried away with your absence it's nothing more."



She orders the boyfriend and Virginia to hold me down and tie me up.

I fought them off with all the fight I had left in me to no avail. I was tied up helplessly awaiting my fate.

I was made the face the window.

I looked through to see the sun settling down over the clouds. It was such a beautiful site and might as well be my last.

Movies lie about a man's dying moments. They are never slow or well, mine wasn't. The panic never stopped, I couldn't get myself to accept that I was about to die. Deep down, I prayed for any kind of help to save me from this moment. Be it angels falling from the sky or the police breaking in. None happened.



After a brief conversation among themselves, I could two people leaving the room. I didn't know who.



"Where are you guys going, what are you guys doing"

I yelled.



"Honey please don't do this, I love you"

I begged with tears rolling down.



Someone walked towards me gently. It felt like man's movement and touched my head gently as a lady would. Whoever it was reached for my chin, raised my head upward and the very last thing I remember was the outpouring of blood as my veins on my neck were slit.

Gasps after Gasps till I was no more, oblivious of who my killer was.


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Came across this song on instagram and after listening to it, it made me wonder. I may not be a boy but i like to think it is disheartening and ego-crushing to be told "you're too good for me to date". It feels like a sissy-ing move; the guys may even prefer to be told "you're bad for me" sef.
It's a strange world. We've always been told that being good, doing good gets you the best of life but why doesn't it get you the girl you want. What's with girls and bad boys anyway.
-Christian Grey
-Seth Quinn
-Noah
-Hardy Cates...
What do these guys have in common?
1st, i love them. Also, they are far from being good guys but still, they got the girls.
It makes you wonder if being bad sends a certain kind of appeal...
This is what i've always thought:
☆The good guy is a good guy. He smiles at everyone, he's good to most people. So, when he becomes nice to a particular girl, there's absolutely nothing special about it. It's just him being his nice, normal self.
But the bad guy? He doesn't give 2 bleeps about anything or anyone; he does what he wants. Now when a guy like that is being nice to a girl, it's extra special. He's going out of his way, doing things he wouldn't normally do because of that girl. Lawd, it makes us feel ultraspecial.
It's like Luka going to the same ball he called corny just because of Zoey.
Or Christian changing from a Dom to a lover. Let's not even go to all his rules he broke because of Anna.
If that's not romantic to you, i have no idea what is.

☆ This may seem very confusing and quite contradicting but believe me, it beats us females too.
With the recent craze about rape, consent has become so crucial. Guys are really cautious because a girl could say okay now and then accuse you of rape a couple minutes later.
However, for me ehn, i like a guy who knows how to take charge. I don't mean control me; of course not. But, i like when i say no, he says yes and then gives me a pretty damn good reason for it.
Maybe i should speak for myself when i say i like to refuse a kiss but love it when he then turns me over, leans closer and kisses me. Hahh!!! It's so sexy.
A good guy will prolly never do that. He will most likely take the no and hold you to your word. That's sweet and all but sometimes, we don't want sweet.
Let me summarize what i mean with this quote i saw once:
" the right guy will hold the door for you to walk in and then smack your ass as you do".
Polite and sexy...�
I know how silly it sounds, but hey, females are complicated.
Forget the many English. We just want a good guy with a tinge of sexy; a bad boy who's good to us.

It's not all bad news for the nice guys anyway; i mean Mouth eventually found Millie.
I'm not telling you to stop being nice or to become bad. I'm only trying to explain why you don't get the girls you want.
But hey, be of good cheer.
Your Millie is on the way; until then remove your eyes from Brooke.�


Ps: if you don't get my last statement; go and watch 1 tree hill... �


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John's older brother couldn't just understand why John was so slow in walking, reacting, talking and even breathing. At every given opportunity, a slapped pounced on John's face by his older brother till John couldn't stare at his face no more. 
Today, John looks no one in the eye.
Never does.
He would always shy away.
Today, I heard Fiona say, "I can't understand how someone can be so shy. It's shocking to see a Man who can't look people in the eye"
If Only Fiona knew...




Yemi was 10, with little buds for breasts.
Everything was perfect until uncle Prosper came visiting.
Uncle prosper was dutiful and handy, and so, was assigned to pick Yemi from school and stay with her till they got back from work.
As you imagined, Uncle Prosper touched Yemi Five ways from Sunday till Yemi gained a love for it and continued so.
Yemi is 22 now and has lost body count.
She stays awake all night to think 
To think about just why she has such a weakness for sex.
One boy then another and another, leaving her utterly alone.
To the boys, do they care? She's just another free meal, everyone can go and get their share. They don't even care to know Why

"You know you're very ugly sha, I don't know why you're looking at the mirror" 
These words were unforgettable to Sandra.
How could a mother tell her Daughter this? Sandra thinks as she continues to look into her mirror now and into every object capable of making a reflection.
To every car window, bank's glass and side mirrors, you will find Sandra looking, just to be sure one more time that she has blossomed and proved her Mom wrong.



I know that insecurity has an ugly face and a bitter taste but it doesn't fall from the sky. There's always a story behind every insecurity and time too many, we are too in a hurry to either judge or conclude. 
To every,"how can someone be this way" , know that there's a reason why.
I'm not preaching that people should bask in insecurity. No no no, far from it.
I'm saying nobody wants to be insecure, some people just are for a reason or the other, and instead of spiting, we should understand and encourage.

To people who have accepted their ugly; folks who are well aware that they are insecure in more ways than one. The lingering question is how can someone end being insecure?
My answer is Knowledge. 
Yes, knowledge is power. 
What knowledge could this be? It is the knowledge of self: In knowing how you work that explains why you act the way you do and curbs the eccentricities.


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Avicii;
Alexander McQueen;
Amy Winehouse;
Chris Benoit;
Chester Benington;
Ernest Hemmingway;
F. Scott Fitzgerald;
Kurt Cobain;
Marilyn Munroe;
Robin Williams;
Virginia Wolff;
Van Gogh;
Whitney Housten...
What do all these people have in common?
1. They are either writers, artists, artistes, actors/ actresses or designers...
A group we will call Creatives...
2. They are associated with Suicides, Drug abuse, Depression, Mental ill health or Alcoholism...
Avicii was a chronic alcoholic before his death which may have been a suicide.


Chester Benignton, lead singer of LinkinPark was said to have battled depression before he finally took his life.


Same with Van Gogh, a popular artist who one day in a fit cut off his own ear.
In the letter she left for her husband, we read Virginia Wolff, a writer telling her husband she feels herself going mad again and she doesnt wish to continue..
F. Scott Fitzgerald, the author of The Great Gatsby was also a heavy alcoholic.
Robin Williams who you may remember as Theodore Rooselvelt from Night at the Museum 1 had a history of mental illness..
I know i dont need to tell you about Amy Winehouse and Whitney Housten, we were all witnesses to the effect of their habits...


The most puzzling thing is that the ones that do commit suicide dont give themselves the gift of humaneness but rather their modes of death are usually quite brutal.
Alexander Mcqueen, an amazing fashion designer; Chris Benoit, a wrestler;
Chester Benington, lead singer of LinkinPark;
Robin Williams.
They all died by hanging... Just imagine it..

Ernest Hemmingway, who you may remember as the writer of A farewell to arms or The old man and the sea; died because of a shot to his head.
Van Gogh's was a shot to the chest..

Kurt Cobain, lead singer of Nirvana also shot himself as well. He was said to be one of the greatest of his time, probably ours as well...
Virginia Wolff... She drowned herself..
She filled her jacket pockets with stones and then walked into a river...


Tell me, dont you think these methods are pretty synonymous to the fates of criminals?
Do these people, whom the world have applauded and adored see themselves in that light? Why?
Is there something genuinely wrong with creative people that predisposes them to depression or mental illness; substance abuse and other vices?

I dont have the answer but i ll tell you what my digging fetched me:
First, it has been believed since the time of Plato that agonies(depression of our time) and turbulence(mania) are a part of the Faustian bargain for inspiration. Faustian is from Faust, a magician&alchemist from the German lore who sold his soul to the devil in exchange for power and knowledge.
So my earlier statement denotes that creatives in exchange for inspiration were cursed with depression and mania...
But that's just a lore...
Terrence Ketter, a professor of Psychiatry and behavioural sciences at Stanford University had this to say.
"Changeable feelings, high intuition, curiosity, open mindedness, sensitivity are personaity factors that are common to Bipolars, Depressives and yes, Artists and Creatives...
He also said that the arts are more dangerous; they require to a large extent, sensitivity. And if you go too far, you can pay a price_ you can become too sensitive to live in this world which we all know is cold and shitty "
...
Another individual's 2 cents:
* GENETICS:
It was discovered that family lineages that produce creative geniuses have a higher rate of psychopathological symptoms... It was said there was a link between the gene of creativity and that of schizophrenia.
I dont know if i agree though...
*PAST TRAUMA:
I ll summarize this with 2 quotes: "All great people are products of difficult childhood"
...
Churchhill..
"The world breaks everyone and afterward some people are strong in their broken places. But those that will not break, it kills"
..
Ernest Hemmingway (guess he didnt break, did he?)..

*STRESS&DISAPPOINTMENT:
I like to believe these people put a lot into their art and that's a lot of sleepless nights, lonely days and emotional stress...
And even with these they may be disappointed because the world rarely receives breakthrough ideas and unprecedented innovations with acclaim...
For example, Van Gogh's art was never praised or accepted while he was alive. He was often broke and needed support...

*EXISTENTIAL CRISIS:
Being a creative requires some degree of depth of knowledge; some creatives a very well read and like we all know Knowledge is pain and ignorance is bliss...
What do i think??
I believe the sensitivity and the knowledge. Because i read my past articles and i tag myself a big sack of< emotions. Thats how much feels goes into them...
Also, there is a tendency for creatives to think too much, to think too deeply. I see how i think myself into a bad mood; think till i scare myself...
For creatives the mind is their weapon; and sometimes it doesnt work in their favour...
In the book A Visit From The Goon Squad, Bosco, a former star artiste now sick, overweight, unable to make accepted music and irrelevant called in Stephanie, his publicist. He wanted to go on world tour, filmed all the way; no restrictions.
When she pointed out that it could kill him, he screamed "that's the point"
... He went to say he may die soon and he didnt want to die irrelevant. He wanted to be remembered with his death. He didnt want to fade away; he preferred to crash out..
What are the odds that some of these creatives see themselves losing relevance and so decide to crash out instead?
The exit of a creative, the popular ones always tend to make the headlines. Maybe because the world is interested in 2 things; a rise and a fall...
Right??

Nevertheless, dont accept any so called Faustian bargain. If you re feeling depressed, get help...
Substance abuse? Get help...
Alcohol addiction? Get help...
Just because you ' ve been given a gift is no reason to not deserve a happy ending...



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I was 13 years old when i first heard Katy Perry's I kissed a girl and ever since then, i've always fantasized about kissing girls. Hey, dont get me wrong, im straighter than that word sounds. It was only a fantasy.

You know that Pussycat dolls songs that goes "be careful what you wish for cos you just might get it"?; someone should have warned me.
There was this party Drew and me were supposed to attend but i cancelled on him because my cousin needed help with one of her silly school projects.
Turned out she had help from another colleague so i was basically jobless and bored. I checked the time; 10pm. Guess i could still make it to the party; beats staying here.

On getting to the house, i began searching for Drew. He was nowhere to be found but then someone pointed to one of the rooms. I figured he had gotten bored, drunk and had gone to sleep. I opened the door to my supposedly bored boyfriend kissing another girl. I didnt scream or fuss. I just leaned by the door and watched until they noticed me. Yeah he was drunk because it took him a while to even recognize me. He threw the girl off him and advanced towards me; at which point i started to leave.
He kept following me and apologizing until i hid in the girls' bathroom to get away from him. I suddenly felt tired; so i sank to the floor and put my face in my hands.


Minutes later, a girl in a leather jacket came up to me and said,
"Boy problems?"...
I nodded and replied "i just need a ride home"..
Technically i did because my cousin left after dropping me and i just caught my ride home exchanging saliva with another person.
Stranger girl motioned for me to come with her.
"Im Liz by the way"...
"Ellie"...
So i followed Liz to her car and at my request she
drove to her house instead. I know she was a stranger and all; she could even be a serial killer but i was too tired to care.
"Can i get you anything??"..
"Music and Vodka please"...
She smiled..
"Good combo"...
Lemme warn you now that if you're sad, Ed Sheeran
and Birdy are very terrible artistes to listen to. But i guess its like what Spud said, "when you're sad, you do stuffs that make you more sad".. Something like that..
"Im surprised you're not bawling"...
"Yeah im surprised too"..
"I think you're getting drunk"..
"Yeah so??
You have an aversion to drunk, heart broken girls in your house?"...
Liz laughed..
"Nahh...
It just means i could do this"..


She pressed her lips to mine. I was a little shocked at first but then i was too drunk and too hurt to care so i kissed her back. It got pretty hot real quick; she was a damn good kisser. Soon tops were coming off and she was kissing my neck and all that.
We kissed until our lips got exhausted. When we
stopped to catch our breaths. Liz whispered "woww"... Me? I just kept panting until tears formed in my eyes and i started to cry.

It was a combination of my boyfriend cheated on me and i just kissed a girl feeling. But through my emotional glitch, Liz just held me and let me cry. When we felt like i was done, she handed me the bottle of vodka and at that i started to laugh. She joined in the laughter and soon we were a pair of semi-naked, drunk, hysterical weirdos...

Early the next morning, i crept out of Liz's house leaving a note behind thanking her for helping out. I got to my dorm to meet Drew waiting for me.
"Hey stalker,
What do you want?"...

"Hey Ellie,
Im sorry..
I swear it was nothing..
I was drunk and...
Im sorry, there are no excuses...
Please forgive me..."

Im guessing the buzz in my head from the hangover and the fact that i may have actually had my revenge, were responsible for the next stupid words that came from my mouth..
"Wanna come in?"..

"Really?
I mean yeah, of course..
Thank you Ellie..."

He kissed my hands and forehead...
Later that day, following our reconciliation dinner where Drew payed for his infidelity with a big bucket of chocolate ice-cream and pizza; we were making out. A i-forgive-you-makeout..
It was nice and all but the weirdest thing was i kept making comparisons with the day before. Remarking at how Liz bit my lip when we kissed but Drew didnt.
Thinking of the way her hands felt in my hair, on my skin. Oh lawd, its official; im crazy.

"Babe? Are you okay??"

"Yeah...
Can you drop me off somewhere?"

"Sure"..

With a knock on the door, she opened and the surprise was replaced with a smile...
"Hello Liz"...

"Heyy Ellie"...



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"Sex isn't the reason I'm asking you out, I just really like you"
"I'll wait till you're ready"

To every girl, these phrases are all too familiar. It marked the very beginning of trouble.

As soon as any girl child had attained the age of reasoning or even before, the value of being a virgin is buried deep in all of her spheres.
Just like that, the consciousness is carried on. Societal acceptance depended on your measure of chastity and the integrity on your hymen until...
You met that boy.


The boy with the certain je ne sais quoi and just like that, before you can say Jack Robinson, you have fallen into the hollows of love.
But life is no fairy tale, he's not a virgin in any sense of the word and you, well....
Fast forward into the future....
The girl is laying Unclad in bed, with a heightened sense of shame and uncertainty. The reality hits you that it's a bye bye to virginity.

But where do ladies get it wrong?



Let me tell you a story. The story of Grace.
Grace is in love with Jude in every way just as in the novels.
Grace had been single for about 4 months, she broke up from the last relationship because she just wasn't ready for sex, she wanted to give her husband that special gift.
Jude liked her quite alright but only the Heavens know if he really wanted to wait till marriage or he knew it was only a matter of time before he was in there.
Grace knew, deep down inside how much of a humongous task it is to ask Jude to stay faithful but still she demanded it. She wanted a bad boy to be good to only her; it was the perfect show of surrender.

What happens next?
Your guess is as good as mine
Jude cheated. His excuse? Jane didn't even ask. She knew already.
It was down to two options
Let Jude go or give in.

5th of March, in his house, as they kissed into clouds till it got to 9,it happened. Just like that, the special gift for her husband couldn't be delivered.

Where did Grace get it wrong?
Simple
It is in expecting, expecting that he would stay faithful and not demand sex later on.
I'm not saying it's impossible but it is unlikely.

Dating without sex especially when one person wants to is torture for both parties depending on how selfish the girl is.
For the boy, there's repeated blue balls from kissing and going home with hard-on's. There's also the insecurity; the constant doubt in her claimed virginity and the chances that she loses it to someone else. And there's the pride of not wanting to be on the losing side .
For girls, there's the evident unhappiness the boy tries to mask, the suspicion that he maybe cheating and the fear that he may get tired and leave. It's so much stress.
Sex is in someway a journey, you begin and don't stop. You can have some breaks here and there but you just move on eventually.

My advice? If you so wish to keep yourself till marriage, then don't date, whether he's a virgin or not. Just be single and happy.
Why? There's something about being attracted to someone. Sparks happen when you two touch in even the slightest way. The urge to kiss, cuddle and other things that start incoming trouble abound when two people are in love and then it comes only a matter of time before sex happens.


That's a bit harsh? Well, good things don't come easy, they come with sacrifice.

What do you think?


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Every body seems to have a different rule about how long it should take you to get over something or someone.
If it's a relationship, they feel it should take half the time it lasted.
If it's a loss from death, they tell you approximately a year, you will move on and forget, at least long enough to go thru each special occasions you were used to having them by your side!
We use language, words like ‘moving on’ and 'letting go’ as though they’re actions as simple as shutting a door and physically walking away.We uncurl our fingers and drop whatever we are holding–that’s letting go, right? That’s all it takes?


I don’t think I’ve experienced a single loss in my life that I’ve gotten over in the time frame that seems to have been allotted by society as ‘acceptable.’ And I suspect that I’m not alone there. It is not human nature to let go. We are, at our core, territorial creatures. We fight to hold onto what we love. Giving up isn’t in any way instinctual.

If there’s anything I wish we could talk more about it’s the in-between stages of letting someone go. Because nobody lets go in an instant. You let go once. And then you let go again. And then again and again and again. You let someone go at the restaurant, when their favorite meal is on sale and you don’t buy it. You let them go again when you’re cleaning your bathroom and have to throw out the bottle of the body wash that smells like them. You let them go that night at the bar when you dance or go home with somebody else or you let them go every year on the anniversary of the day you lost them. Sometimes you’re going to have to let one person go a thousand different times,a thousand different ways, and there’s nothing pathetic or abnormal about that. You are human. And it isn’t always as simple as making one decision and never looking back.

Moving on is about putting one foot in front of the other, even when you slip. You’re not a failure for getting to someplace amazing and still feeling like a part of yourself is missing once you get there. You’re not pathetic for mourning while you grow. The bad things don’t disappear in the blink of an eye and the good things don’t spring up into existence without reigning at least a tiny bit of collateral damage. It takes time for everything to even out. And it should, Rome wasn't built in a day.
The truth is, none of us want to think of ourselves as works in progress. We want everything to happen instantaneously: Falling in love, falling out of it, letting go of what we know we ought to leave in the past and moving on to whatever comes next. We hate the in-between spaces–the times when we’re okay but not quite there yet. The periods where we suspect that growth is happening but have nothing to show for it. The days when everything feels like it’s falling into place and yet we still go home and bawl into our pillow because there’s nobody to share our good fortune with. If success is a staircase, we are eternally taking two steps forward and one step back and that’s okay. That’s how we keep ourselves in check. It’s how we keep ourselves from blowing the whole she-bang.
We have to be patient with ourselves as we move through the parts in between the where we’ve been and where we’re going. We have to let the chasm motivate rather than dishearten us.

Let it go, piece by piece and one day you would realise that it isn't there anymore, it doesn't hurt anymore, you ain't mad anymore, just bittersweet memories.
Letting someone else in is also part of letting go, don't feel guilty for doing that, it's your right to be happy and if it was a loss, that other person would definitely want that for you!
Comparisons and what ifs never helped anyone, be free to be open minded be brave!


It’s okay to not be there yet. It’s okay to be unsure of every step that you take forward. It's okay to remember and then smile when you do! We don’t talk about how moving on sometimes feels like we’re fighting every part of our most basic instincts, but we should. We should talk about how growth is often every bit as painful as it is beautiful.

Because growth and letting go are so complexly intertwined that we often only see one or the other. We forget that they can exist side by side–releasing the old while letting in the new. We forget that we have the ability to do the exact same thing. And that if we’d only stop beating ourselves up over it, we might realize just how far we’ve already come!.



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The Bible has been around for years, guiding the Christian faith, it has survived hostile eras, even forbidden at one period, men laid down their lives to protect the scrolls. Today it has even gone digital, printed as fancy pocket books, translated by many scholars.

If you are a Christian, you must have a school of thought that the bible is a life manual, guiding you
through every action in life, every information from the first word “In” to the last word “Amen” is a prerequisite on how to be human.

As laid down as that is, this same ideology has been a pot of honey to several critics of the Christian book, the fact that you should follow its instructions explicitly has made some of the passages therein lift the brows of the critics.

Now here are some things the bible clearly says that look odd (when you take them at face value) and are fuel to the Critic’s engine.
Of course, I’m neutral here…(for now), here are the popular seven;

1) Do not allow a sorceress to live
(Exodus 22:18)
Blimey me!, this is already a norm in our society, this therefore is one of the less odd looking ones.

2) Slaves, submit yourselves to your masters with all respect, not only to the good and gentle but also to the cruel
(1 Peter 2:18)

There was even a time when people used this verse as a reason not to abolish slave trade, what do you do when the Bible isn’t only vague about slavery but places the onus on slaves to submit to old masters?

3) If she grabs your Junk while fighting someone else, cut off her hand and show her no pity.
(Deuteronomy 25:11-12)

Crimony! Was this a problem that needed a solution? Either way, here is a solution.

4) No one who has been emasculated by crushing or cutting may enter the assembly of the Lord.
(Deuteronomy 23:1)

Had an accident that impacted your privates? Stay the heck out of the church.

5) The men of her town shall stone her to death
(Deuteronomy {AGAIN!?} 22:20-21)

What do you do if your daughter loses her virginity before marriage? That's your answer right there.

6) Anyone who curses their father or mother is to be put to death.
(Leveticus 20:9)

Seems harsh right? Makes me imagine how many 3 years old would have been put to death for saying "daddy, you're mad".

7) Encouragement of the murder of pagan children and infants
(Hosea 13:16)
This one is dark, well it wasn’t from me.

A person begotten out of wedlock shall not enter into the assembly of the Lord; even to his tenth generation.
(Deuteronomy 23:2)



There you go, most counter critic by Christian scholars have been that;

1) These verses have meanings and are not face value- this has even increased the smoke to fire as the critics point to the fact that the Bible is painted as an easy to use, step by step, word for word guide to christains.

2) Jesus came to abolish the Old law- The average Atheist only rambles “errrr, its same bible, old or new”

Well, these are just bible verses criticism, there are other forms like historical and archeological, and just plain no proof criticism, that’s story for another day. I’m gonna leave the names of the world biggest bible critics for you, to douse some heat.

Stephen Jay Gould, Ze’ev Herzog, Yoni Mizrahi, Zahi Hawass, Richard Simon, Jean Astruc, Hermann Samuel Reimarus (remember the disciples stole his body theory? This guy invented that), Johann Philipp Gottfried Eichhorn, Johann Phillip Gabler, Georg Lorenz Bauer, and so on and on.


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