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All he did was tell her he was going to spend the night at her place today.
That was all.
She nodded, smiled and went away to arrange the place for him. Just like that
No please or attempts to persuade her.
But me, I'm watching from the 3rd row, wishing ...
Wishing for just a chance to talk to her; for her to know how much I think she's beautiful, smart and appealing.
As I watch her leave to have an eventful night, it stirs my jealousy to unimaginable heights. I want to be him. I want to be him so bad.

I know I'm not saying the right things, I know I shouldn't envy but I do, from the depth of depths.

Do you relate? Have you crushed on a girl so hard to know a boy who has his way with her effortlessly?
Maybe not but we, at some point have given nights to thoughts, days to dreaming about someone we consider out of the ordinary. I have. I have desired, wanted in its entirety a girl but now, I know better.

What do I know better?
That the more a person values his or herself , the less likely he is to crush hopelessly on anyone.
Let me explain....
Everyone is flawed in some way or the other;in character, appearance, cognition and all sorts. And also, everyone is beautiful in some way or the other. The good and bad news is life doesn't give room for stasis, you're either getting better or spiralling down in your flaws or beauty.
If you agree, then this means we all ought to know ourselves through and through; know everything that makes us uncustomary, peculiar, salient ,notable. Know and improve on it Till you crush on your own self. Nothing is more mystifyingly sexy as Confidence. No one is above the appeal of confidence.

There's this girl I admire, allow me to objectify a little bit. She has a relatively fine face with medium sized "assets" but alot of boys wanted to you know...
She had THE APPEAL. She didn't have anything in superfluous but she moves with effortless Grace. It is a complete show of confidence. Confidence has a body language and everybody can understand it. Improve yourself till you walk and talk confidence.

Conclusively, It's owkay to admire a quality or two but it's not fitting to desire without bounds, to give too much thought and adrenaline to a girl or boy. It's primarily just another human being; someone who has a weakness for someone else, someone with masked flaws and some measure of insecurity.

What do you think?


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Whenever people say experience is the best teacher, they usually mean it in a positive way, urging people to acquire some experience, but not in this case. Experience is still the best teacher but it's not an experience to have.


Well, it's story time
Young Matthew was 7 and in primary 2. His parents were usually not at home. Dad's a wealthy businessman and mother is a doctor. Who takes care of Matthew? The Calabar Maid, Ekiatte.
Matthew believes he's old enough to bathe himself but Ekiatte doesn't agree. On a Monday evening, as Matthew gets back from school, takes off his clothes and sets for the bathroom, Ekiatte begins bathing, while washing his mushroom penis,
Ekiatte jokes,"see your small carrot".
Young Matthew laughs,"it's not small,it's big like C for coconut".

She washes the C for Coconut penis a little bit longer than normal till Matthew says "clean another place now"
Later that night
Ekiatte asks Matthew for his coconut and she kept on asking for many other nights till young Matthew wasn't young anymore.
Just like that, a young boy is scarred.

It's estimated that 1 in 3 girls have been abused sexually as a child. 1 in 3!!! And 1 and 6 for boys. It's the reason I can totally understand some women's blind hate for men.

Whenever I see a pre-wedding shoot and people are throwing congratulatory messages left right and centre, it sorts of annoys me. I'm lying, it doesn't sort of annoys me, it really annoys me.
Why? Marriage is not a feather to the cap.
Marriage is not s step above your mates
Marriage is not upgrade, it is not like buying a new car , building a house or being promoted at work.
It's like working two jobs within a shift.

Marriage is huge responsibility. Marriage is a scary venture.
Too many people fail at marriage for it to scare people.
Why am I digressing?
More than half the time, the reason why kids get abused is traced to parental negligence and poor planning.
A child doesn't choose to get abused, the Family fails to protect him or her.

It is best to raise your children yourself, because nobody can be a better mother or father to your child than you.

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Lying is in the very core of man;it comes out of us effortlessly. It's one of the very first things children exhibit but what sets children apart is the gullibility .
Children would believe just anything especially when it's coming from Their parents and close friends.

Here's a compilation of the worst lies we were told as children


1."That Celine Dion sold her womb to the devil in exchange for her voice"

Brothers and sisters Celine Dion has 3 children


2.I asked my daddy to tell me the story of Cain and Abel and he told me that after Cain killed Abel he ran mad

3.My classmate told me when her aunty was pregnant she was vomiting hair so her aunty wasn't surprised when her child had long hair


4."That once I touch a girl
Pam belle"


5."If you walk under people's hands You will be short"

6."Always eat beans so that you will be tall"

7."If you don't throw your teeth on the roof
It would not grow again"

8."If you scream at night, ghost will visit you in your dream"

9."Don't eat any food that touches the ground because devil has already eaten it"

And the lies we told against poor India
10."When Nigeria played india, India won 99-1. Whenever Nigeria tired to kick the ball it turned to stone.
The the only goal will scored was when one player still kicked the stone and died."

11."India has been banned form playing football because they wanted to use their bare leg to play."

12. If you eat pawpaw and coke you will die


13."if any boy touches your breats it will not grow again"


What is the worst lie you were told as a child?
Tell us...

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First things first, we do not judge each other in here. We all have something to gain from reading this so I guess the best thing to do is prepare your mind to know the best and cheapest way to increase the size of your penis or that of your partner


Well I was scared to write this in the begining because I thought about all it would do to my image (considering the fact that I am a young adult with so many mature adults looking after me) but there are delicate things in life we all have to give our attention to.
Like this one.




Okay let's get down to business.

You have bought all the pills and penis enlargement creams in the market.
You have subscribed to all the KOLANUT sellers on instagram
You have tied weight lifts and all that stuff to your little man and used a twine to retain the blood flow while you groan in pain and agony.
Vacuum pumps et cetera
She's still complaining.
You have multiple partners because you heard the more, the bigger but still have to sleep with the lights off.
You double-check to make sure no one else sees you while you take a piss
Your heart is in your teeth when your girlfriend opens her mouth to talk at friendship dinners on sexual issues because your life is a mess.


So you mean all my problems are over?

So insecure because you were made with just four inches when the big guys are standing tall with seven point five.

You are probably nodding your head over and over again because this is your story. Okay, let's get to the point.


A research was carried out in the University of Reproduction and Fertility at Australia and a friend of mine (it is important to note here that I have friends everywhere) who happens to be a first class student shared all the information we need for today's lesson with me.

This research was carried out on ten different men ranging from sizes 3" - 5" (when erect I mean) for four weeks with completely natural means and no side effects.

Okay wait, I forgot to add in the headline that all of these take only one month. Scratch that. New headline reads...

HOW TO MAKE YOUR PENIS BIGGER IN A MONTH!

So where were we?

Ah yes! After four weeks the least size among the ten was 6" . Let's not go further to talk about the little monsters that the Professors of Reproduction in Australia created.

Now I went the extra mile and discovered that all the products in this little recipe are available in Nigeria. Every single one of them.

In the bushes around you, in the markets , in the streets! Begging to be seen.

After reading this you will never ever feel the need to hide yourself because this is a story of rainbows and sunshine and dreams that come through.

After taking all the advice and following the few steps below I'm sure you will need louder speakers and megaphones in the neighbourhood because she will never stop screaming.

Even three days after! The aftermath makes her go "Yess!!! THERE Oh yes" while she's out on lunch break with her friends at the office.

Every other guy becomes a big joke to her because she knows how she cannot wait to get home.

Oh and the beautiful part of this whole thing is that we when we talk about increasing size we mean the whole package. Length, breadth, width, shape- the complete package.


This is for the guys. Ladies, get in here too. Well of you don't have a partner that needs this kind of advice yet you both may break up and you could end up with one of the rich guys with a little John or something.

And for the girls that have to go around looking for a big D and end up at 35 without a husband and a small one...

Read through this anyway.


Okay this is the point where you are getting tired and your mind is screaming "Toby, get to the point already! "

Oh well,

I'm sorry. I don't have what you are looking for.

Hahahahahaha. Being serious, I'm guessing this is the first time you have ever been on the Jonathan Isei blog and I'm seriously shaking my head at you right now.

All I have to say is that Jesus is here for you. Visit the Gospel section

All you have to do is keep visiting this blog and boom .

Life gets better.

By toby


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I was having a talk today with a girl about her Ex.

She was full of praise for her ex boyfriend, Godfrey. Pretty suspicious because most women rain curses on their ex's.
She talked about how Focus He is and how he's achieved so much in such a short time. 

And Then I was hit with envy. 

Before you roll your eyes, it's now what you think...
*More at*
http://queerlyshrewd..com.ng/2018/04/you-need-goal.html?m=1

I remember a certain boy who came to the hospital with his parents, He was weak and had diarrhoea with abdominal pain. After days of care at the hospital, his condition improved remarkably and on the 5th day, I walked by his corner to find a certain man standing by him with his parents watching.

The man held an olive oil and asked the boy to drink it. He kept saying, this oil is the blood Of Jesus, the oil is the power of God, this oil is your miracle and stuff like that. He said those words with his eyes closed and so much authority. You would probably think he was a cousin to Jesus.

The parents looked upon him with so much faith and I'm just there wondering why can't the parents see the glaring FAKE PASTOR tag on the man's forehead.

How do I know he's fake?
Olive oil is never and has never and will never be the blood Of Jesus or the power of God.

The power of God is his word. Where ever it is there's power to cause change and that is what Christians should seek more than anything else, GOD'S WORD.

Today's world, as prophesied, there's a superfluous of Thieves in the Robe of Pastors; whose aim is deceit till their pockets are overfilled.
The Irony is people don't care as long as the supernatural happens.

I care though, I care not to be misled. I care about where I feed my spirit with word Of God and if you do too, here's how to spot a fake Pastor.

1. A pastor is more miracles and little or no word of God.
Why? I know there's the gift of Miracles but God doesn't put a gold ring in a pig's snout: God won't bless someone who doesn't have his word in him because he wouldn't know how to manage it.

2. A pastor who is doesn't bless for free; who is always sow to receive this or sow to receive that.

3. A pastor who wants you to depend on him rather than be like him spiritually.

Every Christian ought to know that the difference between a Pastor and you, aside that he was called, is that he devotes more time to God's word and his presence than you do. This, is primarily what separates Christians into levels.

Stay with a pastor that seeks your growth; one that wants you to perform your own miracles, to handle your own challenges in your life. One that trains you to be your own Boss Spiritually.






Source
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I'm lying next to her, I'm begging for a kiss. 
She says no kiss for you today, you didn't go to church yesterday. No kisses for people who don't go to church.
I make a sad face. Still no kiss
I pause.

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Just after class, as we were waiting for the Consultant's Ward Round to begin, I stood close to Rachel. I asked her about our Senior Reg.

"Is she the wife of Dr. Eric?"

"Yes, she Is"

I was stunned , i never thought she would be that pretty and so warming.

"She seems really nice Rachel and she's fine too "

Rachel makes a smirk as she shakes her head to say
"Not all women that seem nice are actually nice"

Well, the underlying story is
Dr. Eric is a known flirt. He has a taste; fair , quiet girls.
Rachel was the perfect prototype.
Dr. Eric had been making advances at her for a while now.
I remember her telling me about the time she was in his car and he talked about how sad he was in his marriage, How his Wife makes everything difficult for him and the pressure from work.
His last words to her that night was " Rachel, with you, I feel alive. I feel very happy".

Rachel brags she's cocksure nothing sexual would happen between her and Dr Eric. Well, we'll never know.

See, it's a popular notion, especially in these parts that Doctors are a hell of flirts. I'm not denying that but the bone I pick with "these doctors" is that If at all you must flirt, do it without tarnishing the Image of your wife.
Cheating is worse enough.

My bet is that after Rachel is going to give in. Dr Eric is going to take more than He will give, and it all will end with a phone call from His Jealous and Pained Wife to Rachel threatening to kill her if she doesn't stay away from her Husband.

The Advice is, Men, just before you decide a woman is the one you want to spend eternity with, you have to be very sure. Sure that you're going to be faithful when she's fat and pregnant, when her boobs are saggy and arms are floppy.
Sure to be faithful when it's far from tight and when she isn't half as pretty.


And for fellow Rachel's, I'm not such a believer in Karma but if you do believe, then you know what my next words are...
But in truth, there's nothing but Pain in having feelings for a Married Man.


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"All men are cheats"
"Men are like dogs"
"Men can cheat with a million women but they always know who they love"
"Men are innately polygamous"

Say these words to a crowd of women and numbers too many would nod in such agreement.

Society is slowly buying this lie

What Lie?
That "it's quite normal for men to cheat, its in their nature"

Before you hang me out
You should know I'm not in support of men. I am a man but I'm not fighting a man's cause here.
My point is...
It's not true that staying faithful is hard for a man. Men are just lazy
Too lazy to try and refrain from sex
Too lazy to try self control.
Too lazy to say No when it matters most.

You know just how there's a " Bro Code"
Do's and Donts that society has accepted for boys or men in terms of relating.
Yeah, there's a societal code that governs fidelity

This code says men should try and have more sex and women should try and be chaste.

Who is this dictatorial ass-hole called society who tells everyone what's right or wrong? Who gave him that much power?
Well, we are all society. All of us. Yes, you.

But How? There's a rather popular quote from Desmond Tutu that says
"If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen theside of the oppressor."

And my mother would always say in the court of law that silence is interpreted to mean that whatever you want to say is not favourable to your cause .

What do i mean?
I'm an elder brother to a sister and two brothers. I will preach the gospel of sleeping with other women doesn't make you more of a man.
I have friends that sometimes listen to me and a few people who consider me smart( that's me playing humble) , all of these people will know it too. The idea is to talk about it enough till it begins to stir change and to try as much as we can to prevent a world where boys are born with the idea that a huge body count is key to social acceptance.

Lastly, for women who believe all men must cheat. Look at me, I'm a man who believes other men should try and be better. So don't give up on men just yet. There's more like me.
Believe in the motion, movement or whatever fancy name we can give making a lot of noise about a passion.

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Abuja, Nigeria
Hampton Estate.
7:33am

Jeremy rolled over to the other side of his ever soft king-size bed. The golden silk covers caressing his skin just the way he liked it. He squeezed his butt cheeks together in a way that stiffened his legs for four-five seconds. As his left arm grazed velvety soft skin, memories of his previous night of ecstasy with Mary-Ellen came flooding his mind.


Round after round, having to stuff his Italian tie in her mouth to stop her from screaming too loud and waking Ojo,the houseboy. He had almost over-dozed on Viagra and had drank almost half a dozen of black bullet before she came. He even took tramadol! Of course he had gone on for hours and finally let Mary-Ellen sleep at about 4am.
His mind drifted to her body .
Mary -Ellen Coker. Her ebony dark and glowing skin always made him think of chocolates.
She was a beautiful piece and he was a slave to her body.

Soft curves everywhere , voluptuous hips , Adesuwa Etomi kind of hair -okay, almost Adesuwa's hair... almost- Mary-Ellen was a fine girl and her packaging was from Jupiter. So on point.

She was complete wife material. The kind he could make into any style he wanted. She was quiet and calm outside but a siren in bed and then she could cook. Real good.
Mary-Ellen was the closest he had ever been to true love.

He stretched his left hand to caress her breasts. So soft. Everything about her was soft. Why were they bigger? Mary-Ellen's breasts were made for his hands, he knew this but then again he had been away for the better part of two months so she could have added a few pounds.

So so soft. He made circles around her nipples waiting for tell-tale sighs , audible sighs that would signal that she was getting desperate like Mary-Ellen would.

Nothing.

"You tease me Jeremy, you know I don't have time for pre-intimacy" she drawled.

Blood of Jesus! His eyes snapped open. Mary-Ellen's voice was registered in the depths of his soul and that was definitely not it.

Mary-Frances.
The incorrigible twin sister of his lover. Ah! He should have known. This was not the first time this sex-addicted maniac had played such pranks to get into his bed.

"I'm getting tired of your silly games and bad attitude Fran. I'm marrying your sister soon , what is the meaning of this? " he said angrily

She scoffed and waved her hand then picked up her iPhone to reply her boyfriend, Alhaji 's texts.

"Idiot!" he added angrily

He dragged the sheets from her and covered himself with it leaving her naked on the bed, walked into the bathroom and slammed the door shut!

Mary-Frances didn't care. She never did. She just tossed and turned around on the bed happily.

Another adventure with the Jeremy her sister kept boasting with. Her sister can lie for Africa oh. See the boyfriend she said is a lion in bed is not even half the hype .This world!

If Jeremy ever told Mary-Ellen , he would be at loss. They were twins afterall, they could never break up.


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Armageddon!!!
It's on the back of everyone's mind right?
Be you an atheist or a believer. We all have that unshakable fear or belief that "THE END IS NEAR ".... Whether like the atheist you believe eventually all of man's tenacious effort for power or 'human development ' will lead to complete and utter wastage, or you believe that the aliens will come to destroy all mankind, or (my personal favourite) Zombie Apocalypse. We are all haunted by that silent truth that eventually all of life as we know it will come to an end.
As a Christian myself I believe in the second coming of Jesus Christ. So believers everywhere this one's for you (atheist y'all invited too).

Now it must be like bazillion years since the Apostle John's prophecy of the second coming was written (and probably a gazillion years since Isiah's) and it's the year 2017 and still nothing and it begs the question "What the Bleep is good? ". I mean is there really a second coming? Was the whole destruction thingy just a metaphor for man's inevitable death? Or was Johnny just really high on snake venom?. Either way the more the years pass by the more the number of believers have plummeted.

Call me crazy but what if like the Bible says, that God is just waiting for more people to be saved? What if his just chilling in his heavenly living room watching on his TV or glass orb just streaming live on Keeping Up With The Earthlings and probably just pissed as hell watching all the crap that mankind has been up to since the first coming
Or God could just be building up drama so he can Bleep us all up when we least expect it

Either way I think it will do us some good to be prepared. So you can either become an actual good person or you can watch as many dystopian universe themed movies you can find and take down notes.


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The word "tithe" means "one tenth of annual produce or earnings, formerly taken as tax for the support of the church and clergy."
That's Google's online dictionary definition.
I can't imagine a life without "google", makes me wonder what our parents had to go through to access the slightest information.

So, Tithing, means giving "one tenth" but you probably already know that.
Quite recently, there has been an uproar from Christians of varying denominations against tithing. Too many feel tithing, which serves the purpose of building the church and its clergyman is grossly been misappropriated.

Too many questions surround tithing, some folks even feel it's not biblical to tithe.
Others feel it can be bypassed , while others don't give a hoot about, they rather save up their earnings or at best give it to a begger.

Is it biblical to tithe?
Tithing, biblically was first mentioned in Genesis 14:19-20
"And Abram gave him a tenth of everything"

Too many verses talk about tithing from Genesis to Proverbs and down to Malachi.

Malachi 3:8-9 is a scary one.
"Will man rob God? Yet you are robbing me. But you say, “How have we robbed you?” In your tithes and contributions. You are cursed with a curse, for you are robbing me, the whole nation of you."

What about the New Testament?
Tithing is highlighted 3 times. Obviously less emphasised but still noteworthy. Scriptures are
Luke 11:42
But woe to you Pharisees! For you tithe mint and rue and every herb, and neglect justice and the love of God. These you ought to have done, without neglecting the others.

And others:
Luke 18:9-14,
Hebrews 7:1-2.

It's established. Tithing is backed biblically but there's something to add. Jesus makes it clear in all of those scriptures that tithing is vain, absolutely vain without love and justice.
In essence, tithing isn't what will open the flood gates of all of heaven's goodies.

Should you tithe?
Too many reasons why people complain about tithing is the seeming wealth of pastors of big Churches. They live quite well, modestly put, and they move in luxurious automobiles.

People feel it's too much money a pastor should have and that they probably exploit members to their affluence.
I'm not at liberty to speak up or against the matter.
Why? It's matter too high for me. There's no clear cut biblical guideline on how rich a pastor should be.
Its all between the Man of God and God Himself.

And about exploiting members?
I go to church when i can, sadly. But whenever I'm around, i see the offerings and contributions people make. We are talking 20 naira offerings as a mean. 200naira at best. I understand that this money summed up could reach into the thousands maybe millions but still, members give so little to complain about being exploited.

Christianity doesn't allow for announcing good one has done. So its out of place for pastors to talk about donations or monetary sacrifices they make.

Should you tithe? Yes you should.
Why? If tithing being biblical isn't enough for you.
Then tithe because you love giving to God.
That's my reason for tithing.
I like that giving that hurts, that dares to make you reconsider giving. That's the one that makes me feel good about my standing with God.
Whether you give it and it is not used well enough should concern you less. Just give to grow God's house. Its better than giving to a thousand beggers.

I know it sucks to give and fear your hard earned contribution won't be used properly, but God had already forewarned this. It's no news that in the end time There would be superfluous of fake pastors here and there. It's our job to study the bible well enough to figure out who is phony or true.

Conclusively, tithing isn't the problem. Humans are. So play your part well enough as part of Gods body. Learn and do.
"So practice and observe whatever they tell you—but not what they do. For they preach, but do not practice." Matthew 23:3


http://queerlyshrewd..com

The word "tithe" means "one tenth of annual produce or earnings, formerly taken as tax for the support of the church and clergy."
That's Google's online dictionary definition.
I can't imagine a life without "google", makes me wonder what our parents had to go through to access the slightest information.

So, Tithing, means giving "one tenth" but you probably already know that.
Quite recently, there has been an uproar from Christians of varying denominations against tithing. Too many feel tithing, which serves the purpose of building the church and its clergyman is grossly been misappropriated.

Too many questions surround tithing, some folks even feel it's not biblical to tithe.
Others feel it can be bypassed , while others don't give a hoot about, they rather save up their earnings or at best give it to a begger.

Is it biblical to tithe?
Tithing, biblically was first mentioned in Genesis 14:19-20
"And Abram gave him a tenth of everything"

Too many verses talk about tithing from Genesis to Proverbs and down to Malachi.

Malachi 3:8-9 is a scary one.
"Will man rob God? Yet you are robbing me. But you say, “How have we robbed you?” In your tithes and contributions. You are cursed with a curse, for you are robbing me, the whole nation of you."

What about the New Testament?
Tithing is highlighted 3 times. Obviously less emphasised but still noteworthy. Scriptures are
Luke 11:42
But woe to you Pharisees! For you tithe mint and rue and every herb, and neglect justice and the love of God. These you ought to have done, without neglecting the others.

And others:
Luke 18:9-14,
Hebrews 7:1-2.

It's established. Tithing is backed biblically but there's something to add. Jesus makes it clear in all of those scriptures that tithing is vain, absolutely vain without love and justice.
In essence, tithing isn't what will open the flood gates of all of heaven's goodies.

Should you tithe?
Too many reasons why people complain about tithing is the seeming wealth of pastors of big Churches. They live quite well, modestly put, and they move in luxurious automobiles.

People feel it's too much money a pastor should have and that they probably exploit members to their affluence.
I'm not at liberty to speak up or against the matter.
Why? It's matter too high for me. There's no clear cut biblical guideline on how rich a pastor should be.
Its all between the Man of God and God Himself.

And about exploiting members?
I go to church when i can, sadly. But whenever I'm around, i see the offerings and contributions people make. We are talking 20 naira offerings as a mean. 200naira at best. I understand that this money summed up could reach into the thousands maybe millions but still, members give so little to complain about being exploited.

Christianity doesn't allow for announcing good one has done. So its out of place for pastors to talk about donations or monetary sacrifices they make.

Should you tithe? Yes you should.
Why? If tithing being biblical isn't enough for you.
Then tithe because you love giving to God.
That's my reason for tithing.
I like that giving that hurts, that dares to make you reconsider giving. That's the one that makes me feel good about my standing with God.
Whether you give it and it is not used well enough should concern you less. Just give to grow God's house. Its better than giving to a thousand beggers.

I know it sucks to give and fear your hard earned contribution won't be used properly, but God had already forewarned this. It's no news that in the end time There would be superfluous of fake pastors here and there. It's our job to study the bible well enough to figure out who is phony or true.

Conclusively, tithing isn't the problem. Humans are. So play your part well enough as part of Gods body. Learn and do.
"So practice and observe whatever they tell you—but not what they do. For they preach, but do not practice." Matthew 23:3


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2:29 am


"How are you?" O.G asked.

"I'm dying." I replied.

There was a long loud silence over the phone. I wondered where he went. I could imagine the thousands and thousands of thoughts going through my boyfriends head.

"I love you."he said, pained.

A tear-drop escaped my eye.I couldn't find the words to say 'I love you too'. My O.G doesn't deserve this. He doesn't deserve a sick heart, a sick mind and a sick soul.

"Goodnight." I mumbled through the tears.

The call went on for another twenty minutes. Neither of us said a word. We just cried and sobbed till I heard a loud smash and the call was suddenly disconnected.
That was his phone wasn't it. He could have just given it to me oh, Samsung galaxy S8 like this.

Times like these, my journal gives me strenght. Have you had that feeling where your mind is troubled and you take up your journal and write it all and just like magic the you're fine again? I get it all the time.


October 15th 2015.
On my bed .

Dear Journal,

I am grateful to have walked this earth.
I have no regrets.
I am thankful for my family and friends
I hope I will be able to watch over them in the afterlife
I am sorry for my sins...
But if I got 17 new years on earth all over again,
I'd make every mistake again
And pray for forgiveness.

If pain was a colour then
I see rainbows everyday.
If pain were an ocean then
I'm at the confluence of
Pacific,Atlantic,Arctic and Indian oceans
If pain were a star then
I'm lost in thousands of galaxies.
I am in so much pain.

When I die,
I don't want to be buried just like that.
I have organs in me I need to stay on this earth
And become what I would have been.
My kidneys,
My liver,
My everything I want them given to the needy.

My heart.
Leave my heart in me.
I'll need it to love my O.G forever.
If Only.
If only I could I'd buy 15 more years
By then all my dreams would come through.

Please, don't turn me into a cadaver.
Don't let me suffer on the dissection table.
I have a feeling I will feel the pain in the afterlife.
I am yet to believe that death is greater than this pain.
I have seen every shade of this pain deep in my chest.

They have given it a new name. Can you imagine that?
They call it Angina these days... no longer pain.
I keep telling them...
That I don't feel angina...
I am in pain
That couldn't be a feeling anyway!

I am sick journal dear,
I want to live till I'm 100
I want to see my children with O.G
I want to be evergreen
But I guess he'll have to be with someone new.
I hope she is beautiful and kind
And nothing like me.

But I'm dying dear journal.
I'm going away.
I love you now... I'll love you still.


That was the last time I ever wrote. The rest of my story is like a sailors tale. I still hope my O.G is happy.

I still love him


http://queerlyshrewd..com

"On November 8, 2016 Donald Trump and Mike Pence were elected both President and Vice President of the United States.
Trump's populist positions in opposition to illegal immigrationand various trade agreements, such as the Trans-Pacific Partnership, earned him support especially among voters who were male, white, blue-collar and those without college degrees."

To a handful of readers , the above paragraph sounded like some political jargons especially if you care less about politics like i do, but Donald Trump is one of those leaders you don't need a huge knowlege on politics to have something to say apparently. He's on virtually everybody's lips earning one derogatory comment or the other , but of all the slander and lies coming from fellow Nigerians there's one we should apologise for.
It was one of the biggest lies that shook many Nigerians home and abroad. It was one lie that tore down the bridges of socio economic differences; the rich, the poor, the learned and the dafts were all culprits.
It was that Donald Trump would drive out Nigerians out of America when he wins. Yeah...You remember, Dont you?

Honestly, i don't even think Donald Trump has time of Nigerians up there. He's had such a controversial year that seeking to drive out Nigerians or fellow Africans would appear to be a complete joke.

So My people, if guilty, as you pray at night asking for forgiveness from God for the people you've wronged , add Donald Trump because you wronged him too.

http://queerlyshrewd..com

It's 8:06 in the morning
You pick up your phone and its a whatsapp BC.
Some blogger wants to boost views on his site so he sends a link with the title of the article, "5 things every man loves in a relationship" or "5 ways to know if your man is cheating ".
You seem curious and so you open.
Advice after advice, do's and the don'ts and this and the thats. In all, its all just a pile of crap.

I used to be a victim to those articles, I've always thought there was some guide to a successful relationship or some quick hack, and so, i would read article after article,listen to "rose at 11 love talk show" on radio, but it never compared to life's reality.

Life's reality is that every relationship is uniquely different and there no rules to it.
Bloggers know how much people want happiness in their relationships and so they key into your insecurity. I'm a blogger too who wants views, i care less about your relationship but i like to be honest.
Honesty is that the key to a happy relationship is between you and your partner, its not in any write up generalizing people. Its in knowing the very man you're dating and the man knowing the woman he's dating.
Ask to know
Listen to understand
Be patient and carefully observe if you have suspicions.
That's how to manage your relationship.
Its all centred on "you" and "him"

So next time that BC comes in or the advert flashes. Ignore and always insist on reading only articles on this blog.


http://queerlyshrewd..com

Jude kisses his wife on his way to work ,his face painted with happiness having turned his blue balls red from last night .
"I will be home late tonight, it's Friday and its drinking with the guys"
She nods in agreement and as he leaves, she calls her friends over for a girls get together.
6.pm into the evening, the boys gather, drink after drink they talk into the night. First about football and then about sex. Jude is quite the faithful husband and talks about how much his wife is satisfied, multiple orgasm after multiple orgasm. His friends, in unison shout , "Baba Jude, bless us with your skill".

At the house, Jude's wife and her friends talk about the huge difference in sex from being married and unmarried. She laments over series of fake orgasms and not been able to open up about her gross dissatisfaction. She doesn't know how to tell Jude she loves sex very rough and utterly hard , whenever she tries, words always fail.

Jude comes home late into the night tipsy , he kisses his wife and whispers in her ear" i have so much i want to do to you tonight". She fakes a smile and says she can't wait.
Its sad because
"Jude the champion will never know"

Fellow Judes out there, Women are sexual beings. They are designed that way , every woman with her own fetishes , wants and interests. It's wrong to think what works for Mary will work Martha, it won't.
A man's manual is pretty simple but women are a complex engine, it takes patience, sometimes a lot of it to make it work properly.

Every man should create a relationship where a woman is open to express all sides of her sexuality. Ask her , listen to her and pay attention to things unsaid.


http://queerlyshrewd..com

Does this sound any familiar?
An impoverished boy in love with this rich girl, maybe he's the driver to his boss's daughter . She learns about the boy's love for her and outrightly condemns the boy's feelings . The boy in one way or the other earns a scholarship to study abroad or gets a top "oil company" job and then, goes to the girl to share the news with a smirk on his face. On hearing the seeming good news, the girl in question is filled with regret. Wishing she had giving him a chance.



This is a classic NOLLYWOOD story and it is beyond stupid.
Wait, let me explain .
Big Breaks do occur in life. Although rare but they do. My problem with this storyline is the morale of the story. What can one learn ?
Let me guess, to never undermine anyone?
I can't even think of another reason but still it doesn't add up.

Obviously, Life is not a bed of roses . It separates everyone into different stratum in society, and whether you accept it or dont, i do believe we are inbuilt to think highly of ourselves over someone we are either richer, finer, smarter or more religious than. It's just how we are.

Don't get me wrong. What I'm passing across is different from pride entirely. I'm talking about that subtle anger you feel when that boy who wears only one trouser with that brown shoe stops you to say " excuse me sister, i want to tell you something".
It's the reason why no one likes to settle for less.
Do you?



So, if you're broke boy out there, accept your status and toast girls in or below your status. Don't hope for the senator's daughter to like you and to the girls, don't hope that the Igwe's son will fall for the slave. Leave Nollywood for Nollywood, real life is totally different.

http://queerlyshrewd..com

It wasn't Franklyn.
"Raymond!!" She exclaimed.
"Didn't know you were on your way"

Raymond is the boyfriend

"Why is your room so arranged and why are you looking super fine this morning" he said.
He already knew the answer to expect
She was expecting some other boy

Before she could muster a reply
He asked who she was expecting

"My classmate" she stuttered.
"Must be one hell of a classmate, anyway I'm super hungry. Do you have any food?" He asked with his eyes sunken in .

As she reaches into the kitchen to fetch something. There's a knock on the door .
"Don't worry, i 'll get it " Raymond says.

There's a loud yell at the door. She rushes away from the kitchen to see Raymond and Franklyn shouting in joy .
"Mehn, e don tey"
They say in unison and share a loud laugh

She felt this huge surge of relief

She asked how do you guys know each other....


http://queerlyshrewd..com

What She said surprised and smiling . He smiled back and said nothing as he walked back to his bench.
She totally understood what his stare meant. It was pure admiration spurred on by lust but she liked it. She liked that it was coming from him.
She's Kathryn.
A 200level Medical student
And he's Franklyn, a Direct Entry student.
He had lady like manners; He would talk demonstrating with his fingers
And would always sit with legs closed or crossed.
It gets worse for he runs like a girl but he was utterly handsome with tiny eyes that disappear when he smiles. He had a fine height and a butt like a bowl, forgive me for noticing but she confessed to loving that particular feature.

The staring lingered till the first conversation happened.
"Stop looking at me in that way, it's disturbing" she said. He had a coy smile and said "i know but the words i want to say don't come out"
"Well, the staring has to stop. It makes me uncomfortable ". She said this time with a straight face .

Beep beep!!!
Her phone virbated.
Whatsapp message from 080465300776
"Hey, its Franklyn. Surpised i know but whatsapp gives no room for staring so we can talk even better here"
Talk after talk till it got late into night
Day after day
Week after week
Till Franklyn had become one of the favourite chat companions, but it became troubling.
She had a boyfriend, a House officer she had been dating for 2 years. It was the perfect relationship so far.

Franklyn promised to come see her on Saturday and Saturday crawled till it arrived.

Knock knock...
She rushed to have a last look at the mirror and walked to slowly to the door with a smile she tried hard to hide.
She opened and...


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