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* wonders * Did I miss the memo that said only scores to be submitted? Why am I the only one giving a detailed analysis?

THE STORM FORETOLD : MISS FIBRE.

Lovely plot, I'm sure that mall massacre in Kenya was an inspiration. Okay, was it just me or was the opening paragraph quite 'exagerated'? (for lack of a better word). It gave an impression of a different kind of story and not the story you told.

We expected it, waited and watched the horizon just to catch a glimpse of it. Prophets came out, prophesied and gave us dates. The dates came and went by with nothing, not even the slightest incident. The sky remained blue, with dust floating its surface instead of clouds. The cold of the harmattan had already begun to take its toll, making us stay inside more.

It sounded like the people were expecting some kind of biblical plague, the rapture or a 'Nuking'. That paragraph didnt relate to the story too well. I think the second paragraph would have made a better opening.

Lets take a quick look at some mistakes you made....
The best thing to do is to divide the country. Let the north stay on its own and the south on their own 'Let North and South break apart' would have been better but that's a minor thing sha, I'm sure you would have noticed it if you'd gone through again.

“Ah ah, why is your mood like this Jonathan? Are you the only person that had not heard the news?” Lloyd asked. (Has)

He laughed softly, hailed me once more and dropped the call. I looked at my phone shaking my head. Today was really going to be a long day. Lloyd calling for the first time without stating his reason for calling is bad enough. (Was)

The first time I read this story I noticed that there were a lot of had's instead of has, I pointed this out on the other thread, I see you made corrections but missed these.

We were packed together in the AC room of my office. Air conditioned room of my office would've been better.

There was no key in the lock of the door and the air conditioner was making lots of noise. But there was no power supply, so the AC couldnt be on.


Okay, at the conclusion, you said there'd been a civil war....I thought it was quite abrupt, going from the office shootout to the civil war. It could have been better summarised. Also we didnt know how long the civil war had lasted. I think the story was a bit disjointed. You have good narration abilities but let your stories flow together better. Hope you understand what I mean.

You should join the incidences together, like.... how long after the first paragraph where they were expecting what was prophesied till the second when they had that meeting? How long after did the President give his resignation speech till how long after the V.P was assasinated?

I remember that night vividly like it is still playing out in front of my eyes. I had sat in front of my TV, watching the proceedings of the National Conference to see the outcome. Lawmakers had debated back and forth, issues were raised, accusations made. You could feel the tense air emanating from the conference room through the TV. My heartbeat only came after every ten seconds, delaying my breaths. Since I was living alone, there was no one to share that tense moment with.

and then....

I was clothed already, my briefcase on the low table that adorned the middle of my room. As it is with my morning ritual, I make sure I watch the 7:00am broadcast of the National news. Today was no different but the sudden resignation of the president made a big difference.

I'm guessing these happened on different days but it seemed like the same day. You could have used 'a few days later' at the beginning of your sentence.

Also after you left for the office, you went back to the president stepping off the podium scene again.....I thought you had watched that on TV last night? It should have come before you left for work.

In summary.....watch how you put your scenes, it should follow in sequence, I was quite confused the first time i read it, I had to read it again carefully to get this out.

Now on to the assassination of the VP, I don't think we had to get the assasin's view of it......but thats just me sha, someone else might think differently.

Next is the office scene again, as usual, no reference made to time. How long after the assasination did this happen? Infact did the assasination happen on the same day the President resigned?

Anyway, to avoid going around the same thing, I'll stop here because by now you should get what I'm talking about. Good job, I could tell you put great thought into this....sometimes a story threatens to be overwhelming but you've got to tame it, you're the writer, it has to obey you....Good work.


NIGHT VISITOR- ROYVER

This story was good, interesting, I loved the imagination behind it although I didnt like it as much as your first. In your previous story, you gave us a lot of backstory of your main characters, that helped us relate with them, but in this one, I dont know much about either characters, I think you should have talked about them, or was your story rushed?

You have great writing skills, just mind that, romance makes better impact on readers when you can feel your characters emotions and this is achieved by knowing the characters well enough. I get that the girl is an orphan, you could have talked about how she'd lost her parents, siblings, maybe none of the family members wanted to take care of her and she was finally glad to have found someone who loved her for who she was.... some one who was ready to be her protector.

As for the angel guy, a little background info on him would have been so much welcome, how he'd been so lonely until he'd met her.....and then how mogomir had found out about the relationship, the whole thing just seemed hurried somehow, or werent you inspired enough?

I dont have much else to add here, you're good but the story....to me....felt quite empty and short !

THE DEATH I FORGED MYSELF- OMA4U

Okay, OMA, this story took a nose dive when compared to your first one.....maybe you should stick with epic tales? I dont know....but this didnt really feel like that regal story I read before. You changed your style....too much.

Also I thought there were too many co incidences in the story, Haba! , its not bad to run wild with your imagination o but then....yours went a little too far off. First your dream came to pass exactly as you'd dreamt it, then your story for the competition and its characters played out in real life exactly as you'd written it, and then your neighbour and assasin happened to be twins?....Really? It was just too many coincidences in one story....this is just what 'me' thinks sha, others might feel differently.

Also some sentences could have been ignored.....it made the story prolong unnecessarily. A little spelling and grammar error here and there.

All in all, good work OMA, dont struggle to impress, just go with the flow and figure out a style that you enjoy and that works best for you.

********

LOST LOVE- NUGES 11

Awwwwwwww , such a sad tale. I didnt see that coming at all....and it was a round about turn from your first story....well done! I had you pegged for a comic writer but you stunned me by going tragic..... Well done again! A story well told. I have nothing much to say....just so impressed how you switched genres....I have a feeling you could write anything you put your mind to. Great work!

Good background on the characters, a steady structure, I didn't notice grammatic errors, maybe there are sha....the sharp eyes will fish them out but great work. I'm in love.....with your work, so dont get any ideas.

THE WAGES OF SIN -T- Flow

I had wanted to deduct points for late submission but ....wow, Teee, you dey flow, no be lie. I loved this!....So, I decided to let it go.

I couldnt pick a favourite from yours and Nuges. Theres just something about your story...yours and his, you guys impacted me. I felt for your characters, and that comes with good character development or background story as I like to call it. Great job, Tee.

I wont say much here, the story was really good.

Scores:

* clears throat*

Names Content Oragnization Illustration Total

Miss fibre 7 5 7 19

Royver 6 6 8 20

OMA 5 7 7 19

NUGES11 8 8 8 24

TFLOW 8 8 8 24

I'm sorry but I have a tie between NUGES and TFLOW.

Chiamaka01: Just finished voting!
I no be bad belle, oh, but wetin be the prize? Seriously?

no prize, but as a writer I feel like I accomplished something good, that's why I would prefer if people voted for the best because then, you'll know you need to step up your game.

its not about a prize.

hod898: I'm back! Just finished voting!

thanks, saw it.

HumbledbYGrace: I will take a seat and watch, the next competition is gonna be on fire.

personally, I'm looking forward to 10000 words, it will be such a treat.

Guys, thanks for the support, I appreciate it. However, we have been advised not to canvass for votes and I'm a law abiding citizen of NL, so please lets not vote for me cos I said so, instead lets vote for our best stories.
False pretenses has already taken the lead sha, so no shaking. We will win by landslide.

yajoe: Abeg wia dem de vote, cos I just de read b4, I neva vote any1, xo make person tell me wia I go fit tell d world say anty repo de shine 4 hia abeg

https://www.nairaland.com/1467988/literature-section-awards-2013

Wow, wow, good job to all contestants, honestly, all your stories left me wanting more, like I didn't want it to end. I guess that's how good writing makes one feel.

However, as you know, there will be some corrections but I must say.... I really enjoyed everything I read here ......well some quite more than others.

pity we'll have only one first prize, cos I'm kinda in a little dilemma here. Anyway, I'll sort that out somehow, good one, guys. Well done.

I hear you, @ ohibenemma, I have a really short fuse and even if it will be really hard and I might slip up a few times , I will work on my temper cos u kind of insinuated I'm immature and undignified.

I will try to turn a blind eye, we'll see how that goes.

papindinho: Go REPO Go RePOGIRL...........................

, na wa o, voting never end and I don already give victory speech, see wahala. Na oga mynd fault ooooh.

fingers crossed till Sunday sha, any thing can stil fit to happen.

And see me that was thinking it was over and done with.....yeh!! Mynd what kind of mistake was that nao?

Tflow left, your clock is ticking away o.....i guess the dead line is still at 12 noon?

Guys, wonderful people of NL who cared to read my story and voted for it. Thank you sooooo very much.

I know i'm jumping the gun as it hasn't been announced yet but obviously false pretenses will take the award in the romance genre, all thanks to you, wonderful people.

guys you are too much, I have the most wonderful readers here in the lit. Section. You guys are soooooooo inspiring and I owe you a looong, wonderful conclusion which I'm sorry and unhappy to say I haven't even begun work on.

I really apologize for my sluggishness, you deserve better but circumstances are controlling my beyond. Please just console yourselves that when it does come out, it will be good. (hopefully ).

thanks to everyone for making it known, without a doubt that this hot romance story is one of the best around here.

.

Hi mynd, please when will the winners be announced? .

Finally ooooo, foxy flow has hit front page, now we can finally sleep o! Obatanla be praised!!

Royver, interesting as usual but short,
.....i felt there should have been more....it was romance in genre but ..... Will save the rest for later. Great job.

the others are waiting to submit at the last minute abi? So not cool.

Interesting piece, miss fibre....i just read it.....please lemme ask, was it auto correct that changed all the has to had?

[quote author=Success+]I think technology is leaving you behind. Every spare time is meant for adding more values to myself so, reading my e-book from my phone while on the go is great. Anyway, it's important we classify the types of phones.
Ledafaze, pls I don't mean to insult to express myself. One love![/quote]success +, u're so on point. I was like ledafaze in the beginning. Snobbing tablets and phone reading, saying I like the feel and smell of a book. But when I read my first audio book, hunger games, see how I began downloading free books like one junkie. Reading electronically is wayyyyy faster than reading hardcover and no need flipping and holding bulky pages, I've not read a hard cover book in three years.

@Ledafaze, I'm sure u haven't given eBooks a try. If you do u'll be hooked.

[quote author=Mynd_44]People are losing sleep cos they were asked to write 2,500 words? Wow....should I call it laziness?[/quote]not laziness, its just the pressure of perfection.

Miss fiber will give herself heart attack o. E nefa reach like this nao. Anyway, best of luck to all participants, y'all are going to need it, cos I smell tight competition here.

lovingangel: Omotosho holuwapholarkhemmy loving angel... dats my fb name

Added, sorry bout the delay.

Yay! *claps hands gleefully* Let the games begin!

Oahray: me... Haven't stopped laughing sef.

a wise man once said 'he who laughs alone is a mad man'

laugh at that.

Oahray: Hmmm...

Some of the judges funny sha

funny how , who's laughing?[quote author=Foxy_Flow]Thread will be opened by 12:00pm and closed 12:00pm tomorrow.

Me even get information pass all of una [/quote], forgot that part.