₦airaland Forum

Benin state?.., okay

Putin and his boys have gone mad officially

why did you pay at all?
pay once and you will keep paying.
the day you stop paying,the tape will be leaked.

so what's the need paying at all,,?

Teettyllayho:
Wow!!! A big thanks to everyone that offered their tips on my previous thread on managing my emotion when dealing with my son, because that's the major reason I'm here.

I forgot to mention that I called his teacher the next day after he brought the other lunchbox home again and she told me the lunch box was in school as the other kid was searching all over for his own the previous day. So, he got it and he was happy to find it ( he didn't leave it intentionally, it was a mistake)

I guess I'm expecting too much from him as a 7 Year old boy. Lol.

Some details were missing and I'm going to chip them in right here.

When he was little, he was very stubborn and we used to flog him a lot. He does things the way he wants and he spoilt almost everything in the house and lost his personal belongings. I would flog and flog and he would spoil more things. Infact, his dad would always leave two canes at home, so it's not a case of sparing the rod.

Soon, people advised us against it because he became too shy in public and he lost his self-esteem. Later, I resolved to shouting.

His father doesn't even have time for talk and shouts, all he does is beating him at every mistake. Later, I had to throw the canes away for a while when the beating became too much and he was acting too timid and lost his confidence.

I think he just recently gained back his confidence but it's on another level now.

I know shouting is not ideal because I don't like being shouted at too, but the boy's confidence is on another level these days. I guess we'll reintroduce the cane for scare purposes and flog when absolutely necessary.

His dad overdo things, he can flog mercilessly or tell him to pick pin for one hour and he still will not release him even when he's shaking (I can't stand it).

It's the major reason I don't report him most of the time. I only tell him when necessary and I look away when he flogs him. So, it's not a case of sparing the rod at all. We only flog him when it's necessary.

I read some advises here and I was just shaking my head. See, if you have a child and you think flogging him for every little mistake will make him behave well, you're just deceiving yourself. I learnt this the hard way but I was lucky cos he's still in his formative years. I'm still working on hitting him ONLY when necessary though.

When he was 5, kids of 2 years, 1 year, will be beating him (he was 5 then) and he'll be crying. He was scared to stand up for himself. The neighbour's children would bully him and he'd not share with me. He'd cry and cry and I won't do anything. I later discovered the negative effect of this and I stood for him on few occasions and he was happy. Then, I'd tell him in private then:

" See, I won't be there to stand for you every time, learn to speak for yourself. If anyone hit you, let them know it's wrong and tell them not to do it again. If they do it again, hit them back" and he started doing just that.

I was so happy the day his bully came to report him and my son stood up for himself for the first time saying:

"He started it first and I told him to stop but he wouldn't listen..so, I had no choice but to hit him and he started crying" ( I think the boy was 8, he was 6 then).

Luckily for me, and him, I work from home. So, everything was glaring and I knew I had to change my parenting style. Hence, my resolve to do more of scolding and less caning. It helped a lot because he improved academically and emotionally too.

Now, we're closer we talk a lot and he doesn't hide things from me ( I always make him promise not to).

Now that we're here, I'll take the authoritative style of parenting advice from someone here (thanks a lot!). I'll learn to keep my emotions in check and also deprive him of things he loves when the need arises. I will also set rules and try to be as strict as possible.

I read some really fantastic advice here and I truly appreciate them. Thanks for taking time out to do this. God help every parent trying to do things right and raise kids the right way.

Our efforts on them will never be in vain!
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you are doing great ma'am..just have a very good balance of talking to him,be very friendly so he can be telling you everything and flogging when absolutely necessary...just strike a very good balance...talk more,flog less...he will get better and better once he trust that you love him and doing the best for him...glad he got his lunch box...kids.. Lol... continue being a super mum...don't forget talk to him Randomly not only when he does something bad...and use the cane when absolutely necessary and make him realize why the cane is out before using it...all the best ma'am

udomma1005:
That mom crying part....
My wiffy deserves a private jet, she's a durlyn!
Can't imagine that babe's sleepless nites ehhh

wow...it's not easy... really glad you appreciate her efforts...it's a lot bro...once once just take her out and spoil herrrrrrr sillyyyyyyyy... Lol

udomma1005:
They're lovely to have & behold but the stress ehhhhhhh!
I have two pretty girls!

wow... congrats....I must say,the stress is crazy.

I once saw a nursing mum crying cus the twins were crying at the same time....coupled with the financial part too...not easy

Candidlady:
Don't worry when we get to that bridge we'd cross it!!!

hopefully

Candidlady:
Now iwanna cry

If you were by my side now I'd tell Mr kabiru to pass you a cup .. Thanks so much. This really got to me!! Hopefully sons of Adam don't call you a simp for this

Thanks so much iam also a click away!!! You got access to the mail of this your acct ba?

this is my one and only mail...just dont cry okay.. you're really a good person trust me..as for the simp stuff..I don't bother about that... they're are saying stuffs in the spaghetti post...but I don't read any post once I see insults... I'm not here for that... I'm not a child...I came here to just give my opinion about anything I know... maybe it could be of help to someone...please be Happy,safe and always reach out when it gets hard...all I know that...you have a lot to offer

Candidlady:
Now iwanna cry

If you were by my side now I'd tell Mr kabiru to pass you a cup .. Thanks so much. This really got to me!! Hopefully sons of Adam don't call you a simp for this

Thanks so much iam also a click away!!! You got access to the mail of this your acct ba?

yes,this is my one and only mail...

for the simps stuffs...I don't read a message once I see any form of insult... I'm not here for all that... I'm not a child...there are already mentioning and saying things in that spaghetti post... they're are the least of my problem.


please don't cry...I mean every word..never thought I would be interested in having a Friend here...such is life

Candidlady:
Trust is expensive and icant afford it


Shikena

well, I'm really glad I could tell you this though,when I got in here a month ago ...cus I felt I could interact with people and reach out to a wide audience,you never can tell who would see a post and find it useful...I stumbled into your one of your post,and I started reading from you...look candid,you are a great person,I just want to tell you..no matter what you go through or must have gone through..you still remain a very strong person...just know that I'm always a mention away..I will always be a friend to you from afar..be strong girl!!!..I don't have friends here but you really caught my attention...be good always

Candidlady:
Trust is expensive and icant afford it

Shikena

sure it is

Candidlady:
"He"?

did Iin anywhere in my post indicate a gender lol



Me iwant identical girls tall and fair

oh..I get you..."No he"...an unknown sperm donor will do then ..winks...that's if you are interested in trying biologically

Candidlady:
It is unfortunate Iand my partner can't get one biologically. Discussed bout adopting and my partner is down with it!!

cool he is down with it,but technological it's possible..though expensive.

a case whereby the woman gets pregnant and they induce the the egg and the sperm cell of the man into the woman to make it two babies but they are not going to be identical

Candidlady:
Thanks for the compliments like you said, we not enemies!! We friends


Don't have access to the mail of this acct and even if idid iwouldnt respond to no mail... Trusting anyone one here is like a hen leaving her chick in the open when a hawk is flying by!!!

Yakuri da n Allah let just leave our talks on here!!!°°° ijust hope iwas polite enough°°°

okay...I get your point though...

though it's really hard to shallow but I would respect it.

apart from here is really hard trusting people these days though...why do you find it hard trusting here though?

Candidlady:
Sweet but do you intend adopting ?

with the resources...I will say YES...if I don't get mine biologically with a partner

Candidlady:
Rickpat


Sorry imust have missed your mention... Trying to help sort something out...

Iam fine thanks for checking up on me.. Hope you are great yourself

I really do like you,the way you write,your assertions and you're really intelligent...I love reading your post...and you can fight oo..but behind all that, you have this great personality...can we be friends?.. though we aint enemies....gosh how do I say thisssss....I WANNA MAIL YOU?..is it alright?

Candidlady:



Definitely adopting twins... Girls!!!!!!

thought I was the only one "obsessed" and hopeful of having twin daughters... Lol

Candidlady:
Rickpat

Sorry imust have missed your mention... Trying to help sort something out...
Iam fine thanks for checking up on me.. Hope you are great yourself

trust your folks are great as well?

Candidlady:
Rickpat

Sorry imust have missed your mention... Trying to help sort something out...
Iam fine thanks for checking up on me.. Hope you are great yourself

I'm good...
alright,do take care

Candidlady:
Thanks!!!

Idont know why ifind cooking laborious


Laziness iguess °°°°coversFace°°°

no reply as usual... well,I really like the way you write and your choice of words...hence I like reading from you...NO HARM INTENDED...trust you are good anyways...do take good care of yourself always...have a blessed rest of your day/week.

rickpat:
hello..good morning

how was your night?


Cooking can be fun....winks

no reply as usual... well,I really like the way you write and your choice of words...hence I like reading from you...NO HARM INTENDED...trust you are good anyways...do take good care of yourself always...have a blessed rest of your day/week.

Candidlady:
Thanks!!!
Idont know why ifind cooking laborious

Laziness iguess °°°°coversFace°°°

hello..good morning
how was your night?

Cooking can be fun....winks

looks really good...I love adding loads of pepper,so I won't throw up...

Lol...na wa

golor:
Is it possible to have a sponsor as a married man when applying for visa ? Well, I have intention to pay my full fees and then have up to 5m in my account..tho I want to use my brother as sponsor cause he own a filling station

use your brother...cus you have to state your relationship with the sponsor

congrats...more strength to you ma'am...

Lol

bye bye Russia..see you in THE AMERICAN WORLD 2026...if they go let una come o

na wa....

Teettyllayho:
You're very correct! He's told me I hate him before but I told him how much I love him. Thanks for the advice.

you see...so please be very careful...just do more talking especially with he is relaxed and you both are in very good mood...just teach him a new way of doing things.... please don't wait till he does something wrong first...just randomly chip in a lesson or two for him each time you two are together having fun...it's not easy at all..but I know he will come better with Patience and more of talking

Teettyllayho:
Please I need advise from people with grown up kids.

Honestly, parenting is not easy. I don't even know what to do anymore.

My first son is 7 but he is kind of slow. However, he's above average in learning and he's learning at his pace. I understand all of this and I'm always happy to guide him.

But I don't know if I'm too hard or too soft on him because I use to talk to him a lot. I only beat him when he does something serious (like going against my rules, or not doing his homework when he should).

These days, whenever I scold him, he would give me a sad look and he might even shout saying: "I've heard you!" Then, he will be alone in a corner for some time.

Sometimes, I'd go close to him and tell him why I had to scold him and he'd say "I don't like it when you shout at me" I'd apologize and hug him (I don't even know if I'm spoiling him by apologizing). .

I don't know how to scold without putting a bit of action at least. Shey I'll be whispering and scolding ni? Sometimes, I'll leave him and pretend as if I didn't see him when he brings up such attitude.

Last week, he mistakenly brought back someone else's lunch box home because they look very much alike. I told him it's okay that it happens and I promised to write his name in bold when he brings back his box the next day to prevent such from happening again.

Could you believe that he came back with the other person's lunch box again? When I asked him, he said he didn't see his lunch box and the boy that took his own. Then I asked: Did you tell your class teacher? Are you sure you know the boy?

His reply: I didn't tell my teacher because I know the boy and I went to his class but he wasn't there.

So, I figured that he must have gone to check once and didn't bother to check again. And he didn't bother to also tell his class teacher.

So, I was very mad this time and told him not to bring someone else's property home again, no matter what!

I think he would have told his teacher if he really valued his property because he told me something that made me really mad the next morning.

"Mummy, or will you buy me another lunch box since we can't find mine?" Luckily for me, he was brushing his teeth then and I was bathing for his sister. The resounding slap I gave him on his back brought back his senses.

I don't know why he always want something new. He spoilt the lunch box I bought for him and his sister o and he's using another one now. That is, he wants me to buy a third one while his sister is still using the first one? How na?

I don't even know what to think. Why would he want a new box when he's barely used the new one?

Then, he's always talking about how his classmates use to bring different kinds of food ( he wasn't like this before o).

I try as much as possible to make different foods for him too, and he's stopped complaining.

We recently changed his school and his new school has quite a lot of pupils. I Don't know if that's affecting him.

Honestly, I'm bothered about the changes and I don't know how best to address it.

I've made him understand countless times that he should always be content with whatever he has and he shouldn't compare himself with anyone.

I just finished with another round of lecture now and he has tears in his eyes saying:

"Mummy, stop shouting at me. It makes me sad"

I was heartbroken and felt guilty seeing him like this and I did everything possible to make him see why I had to shout or scold.

Please how can I scold a child without shouting? Am I spoiling him? Can someone help with tips?
Honestly, I'm tired!

this is serious.....will shouting do much at this stage...NO...the more you shout,the more he crawls to his shell and begin to feel you "hate him"....I would suggest you make him learn how to live appropriately...then when he misbehaves you make him do the self examination by himself...for example...about the lunch box...you call him and ask him if it's right to bring home a lunch box belonging to another child...don't let him explain...let him.say yes or no...then after that scenario,let him propose the appropriate punishment for himself....I don't know if his dad is around,he still has a big role to play...your boy needs talking and talking and talking.. beating or shouting will make you loose him...

JUST FIND A WAY TO PLAY HIS WRONG DOING FOR HIM...AND LET HIM SELF EXAMINE HIMSELF AND PROPOSE THE PUNISHMENT HIMSELF...about the food other kids bring....you have to really teach him contentment and responsibility...my sister, talking and talking and talking...don't get tired and don't wait till he does something before you lecture him about life...talk to him anytime,any day... randomly....I really wish you the best...it's not easy...if the dad is around...he has a role to play too

hmmmmm