₦airaland Forum

MrCork:
...son. ...it's called *Okagor's law*......ones your property. .all ways your property! ! ((True story ))

What's that

MissRaine69:
When someone breaks your spirit to the point that you actually fail to see how you can ever move on
You stay.
When your self worth, self esteem is lower than the ground. You routinely justify the jekyll and hyde personas of the man.
He hits you but says he is sorry but then he hits you again and takes you on holiday. Yesterday when he hit you it was because he said you made him angry.
When pastors, parents, village elders whole families keep telling you not to disgrace the family, rationalise domestic violence by telling you that they too used to get beaten up but here they are. So why should you leave?
When society places that expectation on a women’s head to stay “ for the sake of the children”
When you have no where else to go.
Finally our Nigerian society encourages it.
I have heard more than once “ He beats you? Well at least he does not cheat on you!”

Good morning.

I created a topic about an issue this morning , and a lot of guys are coming on saying how their problem was me not owning up to being the one in the narrative, thereby shifting the focus of the discuss and it's really frustrating.

Could you check it out please.

The link

https://www.nairaland.com/4623823/should-she-leave-him#

[quote author= post=69480160]You have a good point here... Glad you are getting inputs already sis. Goodluck to your friend.[/quote]Thank you.

Offpoint:
Baby girl you're the one, your boyfriend just just told you the story and you're suspicion... you wanna breakup with him base on that ground... but you wanna be sure if you're not making a mistake, you wanna know what our view will be like.
Baby girl don't leave him base on some cooked up story cuz it might be a test.


Lastly it'll take the grace of the entire angels in heaven for me to be convince you're not the one.

Lol... you're hilarious.

Thanks for your input.

[quote author= post=69479984]She just said she is not the one o![/quote]Thank you, thought I had cleared that up.

She told me and I said I was goina bring it up here, since I'm a member and she isn't.

I don't know why this is becoming an issue.

Should I have said it was me?

Then some other time when I post something about me that contrasts with this, I get called out

Offpoint:
Why don't tell us you're the one in person instead of this "a friend of mine" bullshît... this is 2018 for Christ sakes.

If it were me I would state it, not like the case in point is a murder case seeking anonymity.

Or should I rather say I'm the one when I'm not

Ok,if it's easier for you to assume it's me, no problem. Just make an input.

MissRaine69:
Because he has got into her head. He knows her inadequacies, the things she is insecure about and uses those things to convince her that no one else will have her. There are men and women too who are masters at being manipulative emotionally and psychologically. These individuals are narcissistic personality wise. I know of a woman I worked with once whose husband beats the life out of her. Twice ( that I know off) she was admitted into a hospital Intensive Care Unit. When the police were looking for the husband he left the country and then tried to end his own life. In the most dramatic manner possible.

It then became about him! He manipulated the situation to gain sympathy. In addition to that his family members were now urging her to drop the charges, threatening her by saying if their son killed himself she would have blood on her hands. The very same men who beat her so badly she needed plastic surgery reconstruction on the right side of her face.

Needless to say she is still with him 9 years later. A woman who used to be so full of life now does not even make eye contact when you speak to her. Nor does she have any friends. Yet she defends him saying he has a high pressure job and is under a lot of stress.
Not sure what manner of stress he experiences that compels him to disfigure his wife .

I really appreciate your input. In the case of my friend with the ever riled up boyfriend. I have decided to hold on to my opinions. Maybe since she is not listening now, she will when she gets married to him.

[quote author= post=69479738]This story get as e be o.

Cos what the girlfriend is accusing the boyfriend of is what this poster is hiding from us.
You even know what was going through your friend's mind.

Are you your friend please ?!

Let us start from there.[/quote]Lol... @ knowing what was going through her mind.

I know cos she told me

DWJOBScom:
I don’t know what the dude is trying to achieve with that question given the fact that it wasn’t the first time he has asked that question.

There’s no confusion over this na as the dude may do the deed in question

The "may" is the issue.

Olalan:
Most likely it's seems your friend boyfriend might just be the guy involved and it's better she lets him know her stand or would be actions to the guy known clearly.
BTW your friend has good descriptive skills as per narrating events.

My thoughts too, but her confusion is whether she should leave based on suspicion.

[quote author= post=69479738]This story get as e be o.

Cos what the girlfriend is accusing the boyfriend of is what this poster is hiding from us.

Are you your friend please ?!

Let us start from there.[/quote]No I'm not.

From the post you will deduce that her boyfriend asked her a question regarding his friend but she feels he was talking about himself.

A friend of mine is having issues with her boyfriend resulting from a seemingly harmless conversation.

She said that her boyfriend of six months started up a conversation with her on a particular day, asking her what her opinion was about an issue.

He started off by telling her he has a friend who met up with his ex-girlfriend in the club. One thing led to the other and they had sex. He went on to say that some time after the incident, the girl( ex-girlfriend) said she was pregnant. The guy then asked what her plan was as regards the pregnancy and she said she was going to carry it to full term.

When he finished telling the story, he asked my friend what she would do if she was the current girlfriend and found out her boyfriend was going to have a baby with another woman.

While he was telling the story though , a lot of thoughts were already running through her mind. she asked him what the guy's plan was, since the lady wants to keep the pregnancy, if the guy would consider settling down with her. The answer she got was that the guy would, if it all came down to that.

She was surprised her boyfriend was bringing up that kind of issue with her, being that they do not normally talk about his friends and what not. She doesn't even know any of his friends. She asked him if he was sure he wasn't the one in the mess and he said no he wasn't.

But what further triggered her suspicion was that he actually brought up the issue another time. That was when she really couldn't hold it in and vehemently insisted on him telling her if he was the one. He still said no and then flared up, asking her what she would do had he been the one. According to her, she gently stood up, picked her bag and her phone and was about leaving. Her boyfriend asked her what she was doing and she told him that that was exactly what she would do if she found herself in that situation. That is, break up ASAP being that she wouldn't want to involve herself in a baby drama.

Now she is confused as to what to do, whether to continue with the relationship having doubts or to quit.

It would really be appreciated if y'all could drop valid pieces of advice. I will answer any questions as much as I can.

sexymoma:
What i see here is friendship from the wifey's side
it all depends on how you guys operate in your marriage
let that side chick become a wife and see how she'll react to such .

My thoughts exactly.


On the other hand, no time no time but they still find time to cheat...


A man that busy shouldn't have time to cheat.

Ok, now that's hair to kill for

Please someone should suggest good virgin hair food ...


oops...they say it's attached

Oga type in your native language... shuu

MissRaine69:
When someone breaks your spirit to the point that you actually fail to see how you can ever move on
You stay.
When your self worth, self esteem is lower than the ground. You routinely justify the jekyll and hyde personas of the man.
He hits you but says he is sorry but then he hits you again and takes you on holiday. Yesterday when he hit you it was because he said you made him angry.
When pastors, parents, village elders whole families keep telling you not to disgrace the family, rationalise domestic violence by telling you that they too used to get beaten up but here they are. So why should you leave?
When society places that expectation on a women’s head to stay “ for the sake of the children”
When you have no where else to go.
Finally our Nigerian society encorages it.
I have heard more than once “ He beats you? Well at least he does not cheat on you!”

This here has given me something to think about all day.

I understand the Jekyll and Hyde part, I have this friend whose boyfriend blows hot and cold and when hot he says lots of ugly things, Now this is a guy that stays offshore. She will call me and complain, I will ask her if that's what she wants; a man that walks all over her emotion and blames it on having a bad work day.

I ask her if she would want to settle down with his kind, he's far and acts this way, then when you live in same house as he, he'll definitely beat you up after a bad day at work.

She goes on and tells me how she would take a break from the relationship but within two days, she calls and tells me he has apologized and how she really loves him. (oh! and how he sent her money)

This happens almost on a monthly basis, and I can't seem to rationalize it.

Joyfulguy:
Well, I think nobody is going to persecute you. But what do I gain by calling people names does it change anything? However, I didnt think this writeup will go this way you are pushing it!

How did you envision it will go... please clarify

Avoid it kpatakpata abi only on campus

Joyfulguy:
Your moniker though! This article when I read it from the source (talking-christianity.com) I didnt believe it is for criticism or to judge people and call people names. I just notice the transformation- Your moniker though! This article when I read it from the source (talking-christianity.com) I didnt believe it is for criticism or to judge people and call people names. I just notice the transformation-

There's no denying that it's for criticism.

The depth to which the Christendom has fallen is deplorable. When worship comes on there's no more brokenness, no sincerity, just showoff.

The time for praises is dedicated to a display of the latest ludicrous dance steps. Praises are no longer aimed at glorifying God but to exhibit dancing skills. The choristers do not care if their songs get to the heavens so long as the congregation gyrate to the beats and their singing prowess is lauded.

The preachers; motivational speakers, feeding the carnal man and neglecting the spirit, their flock hunger and thirst for the "Word" but are fed with business ideas. I'm in no way saying that motivational speaking is wrong, it shouldn't be the central message.


Though there are still some churches out there where true service is practiced, where you go on Sunday and get the word that will guide your spirit man and not just your pocket.

dangoteinlaw:
If u beat a lady for the right reasons she will never leave. They love to be corrected, they love a man who's in control. That's how they are wired.

U better believe that

Beat a lady...a lady you mean not a child, what could be reason enough to make you beat an adult?

I don't want to believe that.

Pavore9:
They are dealing with Dependent Personality Disorder and are often terrified of being alone and may go to great lengths even suffering abuse to stay in a relationship..

I agree with you.

But then most ladies have guys wooing them on almost a daily basis, why not move to someone else

FEZANGA:
Poverty And Hunger, Infact Na Buhari Admistration Make Girls The Do That

You try

unapapadeycraze:
BIG, LONG DICK.

Really... the ones dating guys with small stuff nko

Some say it's because of the love they have for the guy and I'm like how can you love a man that hits you?.. it really beats my imagination

madridguy:
Check again sir.

Apologies

madridguy:

why are you shining teeth?
what's your say?

A good number of ladies stay in relationships where the guy beats them up.

They complain and whine about the beating but you see them back with same guy even before you could say fetch.

What is the rationale behind staying with an abusive partner?

Ewww who did this to her

Brown melanin
Congrats

Ewww who did this to her

Brown melanin

You mean like an escort

She has a beautiful face

Make up artists should go and learn work from her, she must be quite artistic to have pulled it off.


They should just give her money for a startup in the makeup business after all it's all about being fake.