₦airaland Forum

@CC, thanks for your comment. The guy shuttles between the UK and Nigeria while the lady is a 300L student in one of the ASUU strike affected universities! Far as I know, she's never been abroad before, but I think the guy has made it clear he plans to relocate to Nigeria permanently shortly. He has a good job waiting (lucky for him- job pays mid 6 figures). The lady, to me is reasonable but you never know with our Nigerian girls (sorry!). She certainly is not overtly extravagant. As for the other bits, well ED is real but I don't think its a big issue with our African bros, the way it is in the west (or maybe I'm wrong- I can speak for myself though!). They are both somewhat churchy as well so that may help. Like I mentioned in an earlier post, the guy's greatest concern is that he doesn't want to appear to be taking any undue advantage of the girl. He constantly asks the girl to be sure its what she wants. He's a true gentleman, you know, one of those people you will describe as oyibo man in black skin. I share his concerns too, that the lady is not just unduly excited and not thinking it through. I think they are likely going ahead the way things are going, so I have determined if this was the case to give them as much support as I can. I've told my friend not to hold back and enjoy the relationship fully!

Hmmm. Lots of interesting comments here for and against. Since I'm sort of close to the lady as well, I was thinking of checking that she is really sure this was what she wanted. My friend is what you would describe as a perfect gentleman. He is not pushing for it though he feels if he doesn't get married now, then that's it, much to the chagrin of his family. He is just as concerned, doesn't want to be seen as taking any advantage of the lady. Like someone mentioned its difficult to say if the lady is just excited to be in a relationship or if she had really thought it through. When the guy is 65, the lady will just be 42. Ordinarily it's like she faces early widowhood, but only God holds life. Looking at them, they seem so in love. Well, life is never perfect.

MRbrownJAY: bro, answer the following questions, if you may:
- how is this r/ship any different than the poor ones he had in the past?
- how is this lady any different?
- does he truly love her or is she just here at the right time?
- is he really ready or just that he feels that he wont ever marry again, if he doesnt take the jump now?
- does he know the downside of marrying THAT late with someone THAT young?
- how long have they been dating?
- how long have they been living together?
- what is her current life status (studying, employed, unemployed but searching, educated etc)?
- what are the fun things they do together?
- what are the fun things they hope to do together in 10yrs/20yrs?
- what do they have in common?

yep, these are some of the question he MUST think about before marrying that gal.

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Well, the guy will have to answer all those by himself. I know the lady is in 300L. They dont live together. I think they met 2 years ago and it appears so far so good. I believe they love each other although as a married man myself, I know you need more than love for marriage to work. I dont know the details of the fun they have together but they do seem happy together far as I can see.

@MRbrownJAY- I think its a combination of disappointments from ladies he previously dated plus wanting to 'make' it before settling. Now he's torn between carrying on as he is vs 'settling down'. He's not rich but he's not poor either- if that makes sense. He's got a good job and in my opinion earns enough to raise a family. Its such a dilemma for him. I wonder if anyone knows of examples and how they got by. I probably will introduce him to nairaland as well.

A friend is considering starting a family. He's 46. A professional, decent job but I don't think he's wealthy. Don't ask me what he's done with his life all these while! He presently is thinking of settling with a 23 year old undergraduate who does not seem to mind the age difference. I am not sure how best to advise him. I think he should get an older lady. What does the house think?

@Kanwulia- you worry me!

Marriage Isn't for You
Seth Adam SmithNov 03, 2013

Having been married only a year and a half, I've recently come to the conclusion that marriage isn't for me.

Now before you start making assumptions, keep reading.

I met my wife in high school when we were 15 years old. We were friends for 10 years until... until we decided no longer wanted to be just friends. I strongly recommend that best friends fall in love. Good times will be had by all.

Nevertheless, falling in love with my best friend did not prevent me from having certain fears and anxieties about getting married. The nearer Kim and I approached the decision to marry, the more I was filled with a paralyzing fear. Was I ready? Was I making the right choice? Was Kim the right person to marry? Would she make me happy?

Then, one fateful night, I shared these thoughts and concerns with my dad.

Perhaps each of us have moments in our lives when it feels like time slows down or the air becomes still and everything around us seems to draw in, marking that moment as one we will never forget.

My dad giving his response to my concerns was such a moment for me. With a knowing smile he said, "Seth, you're being totally selfish. So I'm going to make this really simple: marriage isn't for you. You don't marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy. More than that, your marriage isn't for yourself, you're marrying for a family. Not just for the in-laws and all of that nonsense, but for your future children. Who do you want to help you raise them? Who do you want to influence them? Marriage isn't for you. It's not about you. Marriage is about the person you married."

It was in that very moment that I knew that Kim was the right person to marry. I realized that I wanted to make her happy; to see her smile every day, to make her laugh every day. I wanted to be a part of her family, and my family wanted her to be a part of ours. And thinking back on all the times I had seen her play with my nieces, I knew that she was the one with whom I wanted to build our own family.

My father's advice was both shocking and revelatory. It went against the grain of today's "Walmart philosophy", which is if it doesn't make you happy, you can take it back and get a new one.

No, a true marriage (and true love) is never about you. It's about the person you love--their wants, their needs, their hopes, and their dreams. Selfishness demands, "What's in it for me?" while Love asks, "What can I give?"

Some time ago, my wife showed me what it means to love selflessly. For many months, my heart had been hardening with a mixture of fear and resentment. Then, after the pressure had built up to where neither of us could stand it, emotions erupted. I was callous. I was selfish.

But instead of matching my selfishness, Kim did something beyond wonderful -- she showed an outpouring of love. Laying aside all of the pain and anguish I had caused her, she lovingly took me in her arms and soothed my soul.

Marriage is about family.

I realized that I had forgotten my dad's advice. While Kim's side of the marriage had been to love me, my side of the marriage had become all about me. This awful realization brought me to tears, and I promised my wife that I would try to be better.

To all who are reading this article -- married, almost married, single, or even the sworn bachelor or bachelorette -- I want you to know that marriage isn't for you. No true relationship of love is for you. Love is about the person you love.

And, paradoxically, the more you truly love that person, the more love you receive. And not just from your significant other, but from their friends and their family and thousands of others you never would have met had your love remained self-centered.

Truly, love and marriage isn't for you. It's for others.

2013-11-04-545092_10100474640388829_1124831025_n.jpg
Seth Adam Smith is an Alaskan-born blogger and the editor-in-chief of ForwardWalking.com. This post first appeared on his website, sethadamsmith.com

Very impressive. I hope the government can expand this service. We have so many sicklers in this country.

Radiology is great especially interventional radiology. Also has good potential to be economically rewarding.

@op, don't want to sound alarmist but there is a lot to worry about. What you had- amaurosis fugax, is a warning. It's usually a type of stroke. You need to see a neurologist ASAP. Please, please don't joke with this. You can PM me if you wish.

Its over!!!!!!!

ope o! we are through for sure!

we need another goal pleaseeee

2 nil!

Apart from salt, other vices such as alcohol, obesity and sedentary life style play a role. Also blacks have fewer nephrons(functional unit of kidneys) per body surface area compared to other races, so solute load on the kidneys should be as minimal as possible. Hypertension is so common among blacks that any black person over 35 yrs who doesn't check his/her blood pressure regularly (once a month, same time, after 15 mins rest) is not wise! And if you're hypertensive, pls take your medications regularly, for life unless your doctor tells you to stop.

I have an unlocked T-mobile USB dongle. How do I use it in Nigeria? Will I need to download any software from the mobile providers in Nigeria? If so which mobile provider is recommended for use in the Kogi State axis please? Thanks for your kind responses!

Hopi Prophecy:
“The Fourth World shall end soon, and the Fifth World will begin. This the elders everywhere know. The Signs over many years have been fulfilled, and so few are left. “This is the First Sign : We were told of the coming of the white-skinned men, like Pahana, but not living like Pahana — men who took the land that was not theirs and who struck their enemies with thunder. (Guns)
“This is the Second Sign : Our lands will see the coming of spinning wheels filled with voices. (Covered wagons)
“This is the Third Sign : A strange beast like a buffalo but with great long horns, will overrun the land in large numbers. (Longhorn cattle)
“This is the Fourth Sign : The land will be crossed by snakes of iron. (Railroad tracks)
“This is the Fifth Sign: The land shall be criss-crossed by a giant spider’s web. (Power and telephone lines)
“This is the Sixth Sign : The land shall be criss-crossed with rivers of stone that make pictures in the sun. (Concrete roads and their mirage-producing effects.)
“This is the Seventh Sign : You will hear of the sea turning black, and many living things dying because of it. (Oil spills)
“This is the Eighth Sign : You will see many youth, who wear their hair long like our people, come and join the tribal nations, to learn our ways and wisdom. (Hippies)
“And this is the Ninth and Last Sign : You will hear of a dwelling-place in the heavens, above the earth, that shall fall with a great crash. It will appear as a blue star. Very soon after this, the ceremonies of the Hopi people will cease.”

@op- Old thread but worth commenting on. No easy answers. I have lived with them for a while now. The prejudices are there. Not a lot anyone can do about that. However, I think people, all people, will take you as you take yourself. For some reason, blacks have not broken through well, the way say the Chinese or Japanese and even the Singaporeans have for instance. The is a book written by Lee Kwan Yew. Its called 'The Singapore Story- From third world to first". I would implore ALL in any position of leadership in Africa to read it. People know when you depend on them even when you feign independence. And the dependent can never be equal to the one dependent upon. The first change will start with thinking. Thought orientation. 'As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he...' Then good thought has to be translated to action in the areas of manufacturing and industry generally. Another area of thought transformation will be ethics. No people are perfect, but there is a directly proportional relationship between upholding ethics and good progress in society. I could go on and on but suffice it to say these initial steps if they can get a foothold with us will lead to better acceptance not because we long to be accepted but it will be a natural consequence. The good book says "If you do well, will you not be accepted?"

@anuli47- which agencies please?

Hi house. Just to clarify- whats the current status: A friend is dual citizen US/Ngr but misplaced his Ngrn passport. Can he travel to Nigeria as a Nigerian with just his US passport? He needs to travel immediately so applying for a Nigerian visa may not be an option unless trip is delayed. Thanks for helpful comments!

How old does this look?

Hi @ OP. The condition you have- chronic otitis media, is the commonest cause of hearing loss in the West African subregion. It is also very common worldwide- I have worked in Nigeria, the UK and Canada and it is quite common. You need to see a an ENT surgeon. Given the duration, you probably require a major ear operation called- Mastoidectomy. This may not restore your hearing, but gives you a chance of a 'dry' ear ie no more discharge. There are no guarantees though, hence the chronic in the name of the condition. Sometimes you have to do the operation more than once. Get it treated because the condition has some dangerous complications including things like brain abscess! I will recommend you see someone in the teaching hospital nearest to you to start with. All the best and chin up!

Really? I know someone who built a 3 bedroom bungalow recently for 6m, and looking at some threads here looks like even recently a nairalander did for even less. So I think 15m for bungalow is stretching it!

@Juell I am looking at about 15m.

Thanks, much more expensive than I thought but thanks.

Hi house. Please the property gurus, need your advice. What will it cost in total to build a 6 bed duplex in Gwagwalada, all rooms ensuite, 2 sitting rooms, large kitchen, large rooms 14x14 to 16x16 for master room, minus cost of the land. What plot size will be needed, will need a small garden for orchard. Thanks.

The ears are self cleansing. You don't need to clean them. The old saying is "nothing smaller than your elbow should go in your ears".

@op, it depends on how bad. Treatment could be medical or surgical.first step is to keep weight appropriate.if you are not overweight and you snore, there's a surgical procedure called uvulopalatoplasty (UVPP for short). PM me if you need more info. There are other non surgical remedies too but will keep this post short. Just pm me.

German groom forgets bride at gas station
By Associated Press
UPDATED: 10/11/2013 01:49:00 PM EDT

BERLIN — A German couple's marriage got off to a rocky start when the groom forgot his bride at a highway gas station on the way home from their honeymoon, only noticing she was missing after hours had passed.
Police said Friday the couple was heading home to Berlin from France when the man pulled over near the central town of Bad Hersfeld late Thursday to fill up their van.
The woman had been sleeping in the back but got up — unbeknownst to the man — to use the toilets and he drove off before she returned.
Only after 2 1/2 hours on the road did he notice she was gone and called police, who said she was patiently waiting.

Cook beans with a pressure cooker and you're done in 15 mins.

@ op: nothing wrong with it. There's a difference between chronos and kairos.