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Salemdv's Posts

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EducationRe: Udus Post Ume by salemdv(op): 12:39pm On Dec 08, 2012
am here for you man.
RomanceRe: Men Only! What Can Make You Cry? by salemdv(m): 8:27pm On Dec 06, 2012
loosing someone so dear to me
FoodCat Fish Peper Soup by salemdv(op): 6:30pm On Aug 15, 2012
Hello forumites, i need recipe and how to prepare catfish peper soup on sallah day. Student parkage o
EducationUdus Post Ume by salemdv(op): 3:25pm On Aug 09, 2012
The usmanu danfodiyo university sokoto 2012 post ume excercise will take place on 23rd to 25th of this month. Candidates with 180 and above are to check udusok.edu.ng for further info
PoliticsRe: Multiple Bomb Blast In Sokoto by salemdv(m): 2:17pm On Jul 30, 2012
I was in class wen d 1st one went off, after abt 5mins or so anoda powerful 1 explode sending black smoke into d air. O boy i no wait 4 lectr b4 i find my square root go house oh. God should save those of us schooling ere, cuz we re already regretn our decision. And na lag cos am oh
PoliticsRe: Nigerian Senators Earn More Than Barack Obama by salemdv(m): 3:11pm On Jul 27, 2012
Hmmm....only two things can save us from this mess REVOLUTION or GOD. Which i know most youth would choose the later. Naija i hail thee oh
IslamRe: Nairaland Muslim Newbies: Introduce Yourselves Here by salemdv(m): 12:24pm On Jul 25, 2012
Asalam alaikum.
I have been around for a while now. Am Abubakar olatunji (salem), an indigene of kwara state based in lag, currently studying Medicine at usman danfodio uni. Sokoto. Ramadan kareem to all muslims in da building. Emi ashika osu oh
CrimeRe: Crazy Real Life robberies /Crime Stories by salemdv(m): 12:51am On Jun 22, 2012
I ve 3 xperience 2 share, 1st was in 2007, i nd my pals were having a nice chat on a cool thursdy evening, suddenly we heard a gun shot, o boy cme c as guys tear race.. Within secs i was upstairs, i was hearn 'stop there! I no dey dier na abeg na, confirm am! Then anoda shot. I peep thru my rum window 2 catch a glipse of wats unfoldn, behold 6 guys were matchetn a guy 2 his death jst adjacent my buildn, confirm am! was d only word i was hearn, 1 of d guys pick up a huge stone nd drop it on d guy's head, nd they walk out of d street majesticaly. Til date dis incident stil flast 2ru my thoughts.
Jokes EtcRe: My Book Of Jokes (don't Derail Please) by salemdv(op): 5:48pm On Apr 15, 2012
U no get am oh dude...try harder
Jokes EtcRe: My Book Of Jokes (don't Derail Please) by salemdv(op): 11:47am On Apr 11, 2012
(am going raw on this)
na 2 part of lagos dey, 1 part 4 d rich and the other 4 d u know
4 rich man area u go hear bustop like adeola odekun, ahmadu bello way, ademola alakija, etc
bur 4 d oda part u go hear bustop like Pako church, moshahlassshiii, babatope babaoshi, iyatuwo, ogogoro junction,
cemetery. abbeeegi wetin person dey find for cemetery?
******************
Some should please translate this; "waka waka don carry beele" grin grin grin
Jokes EtcRe: My Book Of Jokes (don't Derail Please) by salemdv(op): 6:14pm On Apr 10, 2012
updates coming up in a jiffy
Jokes EtcRe: My Book Of Jokes (don't Derail Please) by salemdv(op): 11:25am On Apr 07, 2012
************************
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
ATTORNEY: How was y our first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
ATTORNEY: Can y ou describe the indiv idual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
ATTORNEY: Is y our appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
which I sent to y our attorney ?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
ATTORNEY: ALL y our responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did y ou go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
ATTORNEY: What gear were y ou in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
************************
Jokes EtcRe: My Book Of Jokes (don't Derail Please) by salemdv(op): 11:12am On Apr 07, 2012
Actual Call Center Calls
Customer: "I've been calling 700- 1 000 for two day s and can't get through; can y ou
help?"
Operator: "Where did you get that number, sir?"
Customer: "It's on the door of y our business."
Operator: "Sir, those are the hours that we’re open."
Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"
Operator: "I'm sorry , sir, I don't understand who you are talking about."
Caller: "On page 1 , section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the
fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you
give me the number for Jack?"
Operator: "I think it means the telephone plug on the wall."
Directory Enquiries
Caller: "I'd like the number of the Argo Fish Bar, please"
Operator: "I'm sorry , there's no listing. Are y ou sure that the spelling is coCaller: "Well, it used to be called the Bargo Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off."
Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: "Wov en? Are y ou sure?"
Caller: "Yes. That's what it say s on the label - - Wov en in Scotland "
On another occasion, a man making heav y breathing sounds from a phoneworried operator: "I hav en't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to number on."
Tech Support: "I need y ou to right- click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "OK."
Tech Support: "Did y ou get a pop- up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "OK. Right- Click again. Do y ou see a pop- up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can y ou tell me what y ou hav e done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."
Tech Support: "OK. At the bottom left hand side of y our screen, can y ou see the 'OK'
button display ed?"
Customer: "Wow! How can y ou see my screen from there?"
Jokes EtcRe: My Book Of Jokes (don't Derail Please) by salemdv(op): 9:43am On Apr 07, 2012
nice 1 there muhehehehehehe grin grin grin
Jokes EtcRe: My Book Of Jokes (don't Derail Please) by salemdv(op): 1:43pm On Apr 06, 2012
Dear Son:
I'm writing this slow cause I know y ou can't read fast.
We don't liv e where we did when y ou left. Your Dad read in the paper where most
accidents happen within twenty miles of the house, so we mov ed. This place has a
washing machine. The first day I put four shirts in it, pulled the chain, and hav en't seen
them since.
It's only rained twice this week. Three day s the first time and four day s the second time.
The coat y ou wanted me to send, y our Aunt Sue said was too heav y to mail with all those
big buttons on it so we cut them off and they 're in the pockets.
We got a bill from the funeral home, said if we didn't make the last pay ment on
Grandma's funeral, up she comes. Your Uncle Joe fell in the whisky v at y esterday - some
men
tried
to
pull
him
out
but
he
fought
'em
all
off
and
finally
drowned. We
cremated him right after and he's still burning good this morning.
Three of y our friends went off the bridge in a pick- up truck, one was driv ing, two in the
back. The driv er rolled the window down and swam out. The two in the back couldn't get
the tail- gate open so they drowned too.
Not much news this time, nothing much happens round here, will try to write more next
time.
Lov e, Your Mama
P.S. Was gonna send y ou some money but already had this sealed up.
************************

Jokes EtcRe: My Book Of Jokes (don't Derail Please) by salemdv(op): 3:11pm On Apr 05, 2012
Top 45 Oxymoron's
45. Act naturally
44. Found missing
43. Resident alien
42. Advanced BASIC
41. Genuine imitation
40. Airline Food
39. Good grief
38. Same difference
37. Almost exactly
36. Government organization
35. Sanitary landfill
34. Alone together
33. Legally drunk
32. Silent scream
31. Living dead
30. Small crowd
29. Business ethics
28. Soft rock
27. Butt Head
26. Military Intelligence
25. Software documentation
24. New classic
23. Sweet sorrow
22. Childproof
21. "Now, then ..."
20. Synthetic natural gas
19. Passive aggression
18. Taped live
17. Clearly misunderstood
16. Peace force
15. Extinct Life
14. Temporary tax increase
13. Computer jock
12. Plastic glasses
11. Terribly pleased
10. Computer security
9. Political science
8. Tight slacks
7. Definite maybe
6. Pretty ugly
5. Twelve-ounce pound cake
4. Diet ice cream
3. Working vacation
2. Exact estimate
1. Microsoft Works
************************
Jokes EtcRe: My Book Of Jokes (don't Derail Please) by salemdv(op): 2:53pm On Apr 05, 2012
************************
A man walks into a doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear
and a banana in his right ear.
Man: "What's the matter with me?"
Doctor: "You're not eating properly ."
************************

************************
A guy walks into work, and both of his ears are all bandaged up. The boss says, "What
happened to y our ears?"He says, "Yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang and pshhhhh! I
accidentally answered the iron."
The boss say s, "Well, that explains one ear, but what happened to your other ear?"
He says, "Well, jeez, then I had to call the doctor!"
************************
Jokes EtcMy Book Of Jokes (don't Derail Please) by salemdv(op): 2:50pm On Apr 05, 2012
A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are
only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.
"No, you iddddddiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"

The surgeon told his patient that woke up after hav ing been operated: "I'm afraid we're
going to hav e to operate y ou again. Because, y ou see, I forgot my rubber glov es inside
y ou."
Patient: "Well, if that’s all, I'd rather pay for them if y ou just leav e me alone.

************************
Doctor: "I hav e some bad news and some very bad news."
Patient: "Well, y ou might as well giv e me the bad news first."
Doctor: "The lab called with y our test results. They said y ou hav e 24 hours to liv e."
Patient: "24 hours! That’s terrible!! What could be worse?! What's the v ery bad news?"
Doctor: "I'v e been try ing to reach y ou since y esterday ."
************************
Jokes EtcRe: Hot Fart by salemdv(m): 4:56pm On Apr 02, 2012
retard
EducationRe: JAMB/UTME 2012 Result Is Out! by salemdv(m): 10:44am On Mar 30, 2012
can anyone pls help check dis 25901642CI[s][/s]
CelebritiesRe: 9ice(yoruba) Vs Flavour(igbo). Who Is More Popular ? by salemdv(m):
9ice all d way, he has in d game 4 sme time nw
PoliticsRe: NLC Strike Over Fuel Subsidy Removal: What's Happening In Your Area? by salemdv(m): 11:04am On Jan 09, 2012
Here at lasu along badagry xpress way, 7 bus belonging to RRS and Anti crime have been taken ova by irate youths, i don't knw where exactly they re headn, but d sirens re blarrn loudly dat u wuld think its d police on patrol, olatunji reportn 4rm lasu ojo campus
Jokes EtcRe: Who Will U Choose Ur Mum Or Wife by salemdv(m): 10:05am On Nov 19, 2011
D 1st option is very temptn, am very sure dats wat i wuld go 4. Bur God no go pt me 4 dat kind tight corner
PoliticsRe: No Power Outages For Four Days Now In Shomolu, Lagos by salemdv(m): 5:46pm On Sep 25, 2011
Can 12hrs power a day be said to be okay? Thats the way it is over here in sokoto
Computer MarketRe: Brand New Laptops @ Factory Prices Of 18k And Above. Cash And Carry ! by salemdv(m): 7:18am On Sep 16, 2011
imalas2rhyme@yahoo.com
CareerRe: Medical Doctors' Forum: Let Us Know You! by salemdv(m): 2:07pm On Sep 08, 2011
Doc in the building, Can a mbbs student above 30yrs still go for NYSC, and how important is it in a doc's career.
ComputersRe: Post Your Computer (PC) Troubles Here. by salemdv(m): 10:47pm On Sep 07, 2011
Big bro,
my pc ptIV boot 4 like an hour, and after such it tells my antivirus(eset) is corrupt, pls wat can i do 2 resolve it cuz ve tried uninstalling it bt it neva cmes up for hours

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