If i were a boy,ill smoke my weed,drink my liquor and shag as many babes as possible even if it means breaking their hearts

So you expect every post to make you lol

If USA was Nigeria, today's papers Headlines would read thing's like:
Don't celebrate yet, McCain tells Obama (TELL magazine)
Concede defeat, Obama urges McCain (Punch Newspaper)
20 opposition cadres riot (The Sun Newspaper)
McCain Demands Vote Recount (Vanguard Newspaper)
Elections rigged (Guardian Newspaper)
No evidence of manipulation (NTA News)
The Church declares elections free and fair (News Line)
There will be violence if we lose; McCain declares (LTV 8 news)
Election results for Arizona, Florida,New York awaited (Channels News)
Trucks with suspected ballot papers crosses into USA from Mexico (Tribune Newspaper)
McCain is an opportunist - Go back to your farm (AIT News)
I will not accept results, McCain tells Obama (MITV News)
Ballot Papers and Electoral Officials Kidnapped at Chicago (ThisDay Newspaper)
Area Boys 20 killed, 30 injuried at New Jersey Polling booth (Daily Mirror)
Obama: 'I will soon roll out timetable for Royal Blessings (PM News)
Several Ballot Boxes Missing at Phonix, handwork of 'Obama Boys' (Ogtv News)
Heavy Security at INEC H/quarter, Commissioners flee (Newswatch Magazine)
$900Billion for Feeding Allowances for Obama's Daugther (Presidential Spokesperson)

Business conciousness. lol

WAEC
An Igbo boy took the WAEC examination and entered into the hall with an expo that turned out to be fake. 60 minutes into the exam the boy still hadn't written a word. He then decided to try a question; Differentiate between a Shop and a Warehouse? The boy smiled and thought to himself "Na me then dey ask this kin question" so he hurriedly answered; "Shop is at Idumota while warehouse is at Alaba". The boy came out bouncing from the hall where his dad was waiting to pick him.The following conversation followed

dad;How was it?

Igbo boy; It was fine I finished them. They asked difference between a shop and a Warehouse and I told them shop is at Idumota and Warehouse is at Alaba.

dad; Is that all you told them

Igbo boy; yes

dad; My friend will you go back inside now now and put addresses and phone number

True my bro.

Nah,Guaranty Trust Bank actually

If men were banks:

The easy going ones that like to keep their own peace but doesn’t care deeply-- Oceanic Bank

The happy ones that would spend money on you carelessly just to have you but not for love-- InterContinental Bank



The small home boy who will always say “you’re welcome” — First Inland Bank

Those that are lousy, think everything is possible and can even rape you when they hear “NO”-- Bank PHB

The gentleman who cares about his lady, …very faithful, even when she misbehaves --Fidelity Bank

The tall guys that say “Yes” when they mean to lie, they’ll say “don’t worry” when indeed you’re missing - Skye Bank

The very old stingy guys who think that a lady must pay her own bill yet “dem wan do” -UBA

The very bold, proud and arrogant ones who loves titles and always think they are unique. -Zenith Bank

The old Papa who doesn’t know how to dress, walk or dance well but can be trusted- Union Bank



Those who are nervously social and in a hurry to pamper you even when you don’t need it– Access Bank



The gold diggers who want to share everything with ladies - Partnership that doesn’t work – Equitorial Trust Bank



Those that request you to respect them by all means because they are men too– FCMB



Those that are too shy to express their feelings even when they love you – Sterling Bank



Those that are very old with pot belly …the sugar daddy that loves to “boogie” – First Bank



Those that are okay sha! …but unfortunately not ready for love, they want to be on their own – Diamond Bank



Those “anyhow guys” that want to encourage themselves to stand tall even where they are short – AfriBank



The fine gentleman, handsome, lovely, amicable, trustworthy and cool but doesn’t like parties– GT Bank



Those that are “born again” and would not want ladies that can stress them- Ecobank



Those that are old but still behaves childishly – the mummy’s big boys – Unity Bank



The civil servant who complains too much about lean purse – Spring Bank



Those who smoke, drink and gamble too much and doesn’t care what anybody says – Wema Bank



The ones that want to “form big boy” even when they are poor –Stanbic IBTC



The immature ones that want big ladies--Micro Finance Bank.

@INFOBABA
Silly me, How could I have missed such an information.

I NO LONGER BEDWET BECAUSE YOUR BABE KEEPS ME UP ALL NIGHT

But you stated one didnt you?

Chioya, you no reply my last mail

Dear friends,

I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to post funny stuff. Yes, thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of what's left of my heart for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.

Because of your concern, I can no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick from the rat faeces and urine spatters on the top of the can!

I no longer use Saran wrap in to wrap my food and place in the microwave because it causes cancer.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones or sit directly on public seats because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day

I no longer use margarine because it's one molecule away from being plastic.

I no longer go to shopping malls where they give out perfume samples because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS, DHL or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer answer the phone with caller ID hidden because someone will ask me to dial a stupid number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, Nigeria and Uzbekistan.

I no longer eat Mr Biggs because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer date the opposite sex because they will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice or change into a coffin in the middle of the night.

I no longer buy expensive foods from restaurants since I now have their recipe through Maggikitchen.com



I no longer visit chinese restaurants cuz they serve rat meat.



I no longer drink cold water cuz it freezes the oil in the food ive eaten and can stop my heart from beating



I no longer come out from my car when someone bumps into me cuz it might be a car snatcher trying to snatch my car.


Yes, I want to thank all of you sooo much for looking out for me!

ENGLISH SELF NA CONFUSION

Just check out the following:

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to take the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig .

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it ?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for verbally insanity. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell ?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by f illing it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on .

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick?"

You lovers of the English language might enjoy this.
There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is "UP."

It's easy to understand UP , meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP ? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report ?

We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special .

And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP . We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.

We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP ! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP , look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP , you may wind UP with a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP.

When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP;
When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP .
One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP , for now my time is UP , so, Time to shut UP!


You Think say English Easy!!!!

A Charlotte, NC, lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive
cigars, then insured them against fire among other things. Within a
month having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and
without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy,
the lawyer filed claim against the insurance company.

In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of
small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious
reason: That the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.

The lawyer sued and won. In delivering the ruling the judge agreed
with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The Judge
stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company in
which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also
guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining
what is considered to be unacceptable fire, and was obligated to pay
the claim.

Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance
company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his
loss of the rare cigars lost in the "fires."

After the lawyer cashed the check, the Insurance company had him
arrested on 24 counts of arson! With his own insurance claim and
testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer
was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was
sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.

I hope this blesses you

The 90/10 Principle

-Author: Stephen Covey

Discover the 90/10 Principle. It will change your life
(at least the way you react to situations). What is this principle?

10% of life is made up of what happens to you. 90% of life is decided by
how you react. What does this mean?

We really have no control over 10% of what happens to us. We cannot stop
the car from breaking down. The plane will be late arriving, which throws
our whole schedule off. A driver may cut us off in traffic. We have no
control over this 10%. The other 90% is different. You determine the other
90%.

How? By your reaction.

You cannot control a red light., but you can control your reaction. Don't
let people fool you; YOU can control how you react. Let's use an example.

You are eating breakfast with your family. Your daughter knocks over a cup
of coffee onto your business shirt. You have no control over what just
happened. What happens next will be determined by how you react. You curse.

You harshly scold your daughter for knocking the cup over. She breaks down
in tears. After scolding her, you turn to your spouse and criticize her for
placing the cup too close to the edge of the table. A short verbal battle
follows. You storm upstairs and change your shirt. Back downstairs, you
find your daughter has been too busy crying to finish breakfast and get
ready for school. She misses the bus. Your spouse must leave immediately
for work.

You rush to the car and drive your daughter to school. Because you are
late, you drive 40 miles an hour in a 30 mph speed limit. After a 15-minute
delay and throwing $60 traffic fine away, you arrive at school. Your
daughter runs into the building without saying goodbye. After arriving at
the office 20 minutes late, you find you forgot your briefcase.Your day has
started terrible. As it continues, it seems to get worse and worse. You
look forward to coming home, When you arrive home, you find small wedge in
your relationship with your spouse and daughter.

Why? Because of how you reacted in the morning. Why did you have a bad day?

A) Did the coffee cause it?

B) Did your daughter cause it?

C) Did the policeman cause it?

D) Did you cause it?

The answer is " D".

You had no control over what happened with the coffee.How you reacted in
those 5 seconds is what caused your bad day. Here is what could have and
should have happened.

Coffee splashes over you. Your daughter is about to cry. You gently say,
"It's ok honey, you just need, to be more careful next time".Grabbing a
towel you rush upstairs. After grabbing a new shirt and your briefcase, you
come back down in time to look through the window and see your child
getting on the bus. She turns and waves. You arrive 5 minutes early and
cheerfully greet the staff. Your boss comments on how good the day you are
having.

Notice the difference?

Two different scenarios. Both started the same. Both ended different.Why?

Because of how you REACTED.

You really do not have any control over 10% of what happens. The other

90% was determined by your reaction.

Here are some ways to apply the 90/10 principle.

If someone says something negative about you, don't be a sponge. Let the
attack roll off like water on glass. You don't have to let the negative
comment affect you! React properly and it will not ruin your day. A wrong
reaction could result in losing a friend, being fired, getting stressed out
etc.

How do you react if someone cuts you off in traffic? Do you lose your
temper? Pound on the steering wheel? A friend of mine had the steering
wheel fall off) Do you curse? Does your blood pressure skyrocket? Do you
try and bump them?

WHO CARES if you arrive ten seconds later at work? Why let the cars ruin
your drive? Remember the 90/10 principle, and do not worry about it.

You are told you lost your job. Why lose sleep and get irritated? It will
work out. Use your worrying energy and time into finding another job. The
plane is late; it is going to mangle your schedule for the day.Why take out
your frustration on the flight attendant? She has no control over what is
going on. Use your time to study, get to know the other passenger. Why get
stressed out? It will just make things worse.

Now you know the 90-10 principle. Apply it and you will be amazed at the
results. You will lose nothing if you try it. The 90-10 principle is
incredible. Very few know and apply this principle. The result? Millions of
people are suffering from undeserved stress, trials, problems and
heartache.We all must understand and apply the 90/10 principle. It CAN
change your life!!!

So we should start frying stones

You don chop days abi

lol.whats ur email add

21

Good girl

lol

@ protocol

Dont give up yet,just a score to go

Just sent it to you on facebook

Check this out guys

Then you're somewhat intelligent

I fell into the genius category

You are hopelss as well

Critics, they only make you better