₦airaland Forum

yeah. u be real foolish boy.You mean you had the chance to stick it and you didnt

Boss bitch:
i don't think i can esp if d person said rili hurtful things cos ''out of d abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh.''

Then i dont think you would be able to handle me cuz after drinking alcohol, i sabi tear mouth well well.

Akata, you are behaving just like my girlfriend when she saw a text i sent to a girl on my sent list from my phone and then she started acting like the world has crumbled and has never trusted me again. The truth is that you women need to understand that cheating is a mans nature.I advice you to try as much as possible to forget about the incident and enjoy your marriage.

Not necessarily o.If you guys like each other so much to fck on the first date,then so be it.

I think you and your boyfriend are both stingy people and you guys are made for eachother.
He is stingy cuz much is the transport,if i were him i'll wait till i have the money to send to you.
You are stingy cuz you see it as a big deal to handle your TP to the extent of posting it on NAIRALAND.
God bless you both

Due to the high degree of politics involved in the English premireship this season. Nigerian political parties names have been used to describe the clubs;

Man U- PDP(Players decieving people)
Arsenal- ANPP(Arsenal's non performing players)
Chelsea- AC(Action Chelsea)
Liverpool- LP(Lousy Players)

Walahi its PES for life WTF is FIFA

Craw craw know the kind nyash where hin dey scratch

POLICE DEY READ BIBLE

On Lagos-Ibadan express road when a Pastor met a team of policemen who, quite naturally, wanted 'something' from him. Since he was not prepared to play their games, they asked for his papers and having combed through everything without any offence with which to nail the 'stubborn' pastor, they now asked him to open the bonnet of his car.

A careful scrutiny of the engine number against what was on paper revealed that letter U was written in such a way that it could be mistaken for letter V. That was all the officer-in-charge needed to shout "stolen vehicle! Sensing trouble, even when he knew he committed no offence, the pastor called the OC to say he was a priest to which the officer replied :"Please, leave that pastor thing, in any case, if you are indeed a pastor, then you must have a Bible in your car, bring it.

" The Pastor did as was commanded after which the officer now ordered: "Please read Matthew 5:25 , 26 to me". The incredulous Pastor opened to the recommended passage and read: "Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still with him on the way, or he may hand you over to a judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison. I tell you the truth; you will not get out until you have paid the last penny."

The man of God quietly made an "offering" of "just" N100 to his newly found "preacher".
End of service go in peace and argue no more, said the OC.

lol

Men,You friend would die before his time if he doesn't run

Just saw the movie.I tell you it is by far the best indian movie i've ever seen and thus the reason why the movie got 8 oscar awards.

I like i like

I like i like

A priest saw a beautiful nun in the convent and immediately fell for her. He planned to go to the next city to conduct the mass service and asked the nun to accompany him. Whilst on the way, the priest was busy thinking of a way to make the nun satisfy his needs. After a while, he came up with a plan. He stopped the car and told the sister that they had run out of fuel. 'What are we going to do in the middle of nowhere?' asked the nun. 'Let me pray for advice' said the priest. He went outside,opened the bonnet and his fly and pretended to pee in the fuel tank. He came back and started the car and they were on their way. He told the nun that an idea had been given to him to substitute fuel with urine and it worked.




After a short distance he stopped the car again and said the tank was empty again! Since he had no urine at the time, he asked the nun if she could help with hers. Seeing as it was the only way to get to their destination the nun was more than happy to help. They got out and he opened the bonnet for her and showed her the fuel tank and then went back and sat in the car.




After a few seconds the nun called him and said it was impossible for her to put the urine in the tank, naturally she couldn't reach it. The Priest said he had an idea.He closed the bonnet and asked the sister to lie on her back.' I will use my organ to siphon the urine from you so I can put it in the tank', the nun obliged. As the siphoning session got to its peak and the father plunged in deeper, the sister begged the father not to stop. 'Father, please don't stop!, there's moooooooore further down and even at the sides as well.' After that the father put the urine in the tank and continued with the journey. After a short while, the nun asked ,' Father, is the fuel not running out yet, I'm sure I have more for you to siphon'

lol

Poster

U no well', shey na the best team in the world you dey insult like that.Take time o

@DYABMAN

I WOULDN'T WASTE MY TIME EXCHANGING WORDS WITH YOU BECUZ U SOUND SO IMMATURED AND YOU MIGHT BE A SMALL RAT OR STHG. IF YOU FEEL YOU HAVE NOTHING TO BENEFIT FRM THE POST WHY DON'T YOU JUST LET IT BE.

Attitude

A long time ago in China , a girl named Li-Li got married & went to live with her husband and mother-in-law. In a very short time, Li-Li found that she couldn't get along with her mother-in-law at all. Their personalities were very different, and Li-Li was angered by many of her mother-in-law's habits. In addition, she criticised Li-Li constantly.

Days passed, and weeks passed. Li-Li and her mother-in-law never stopped arguing and fighting. But what made the situation even worse was that, according to ancient Chinese tradition, Li-Li had to bow to her mother-in-law and obey her every wish. All the anger and unhappiness in the house was causing Li-Li's poor husband great distress.

Finally, Li-Li could not stand her mother-in-law's bad temper and dictatorship any longer, and she decided to do something about it! Li-Li went to see her father's good friend, Mr. Huang, who sold herbs. She told him the situation and asked if he would give her some poison so that she could solve the problem once and for all.

Mr. Huang thought for a while, and finally said, 'Li-Li, I will help you solve your problem, but you must listen to me and obey what I tell you.'

Li-Li said, 'Yes, Mr. Huang, I will do whatever you tell me to do. 'Mr. Huang went into the back room, and returned in a few minutes with a package of herbs. He told Li-Li, 'You can't use a quick-acting poison to get rid of your mother-in-law, because that would cause people to become suspicious. Therefore, I have given you a number of herbs that will slowly build up poison in her body. Every other day prepare some delicious meal and put a little of these herbs in her serving.
Now, in order to make sure that nobody suspect you, when she dies, you must be very careful to act very friendly towards her. 'Don't argue with her, obey her every wish, and treat her like a queen.

' Li-Li was so happy. She thanked Mr. Huang and hurried home to start her plot of murdering her mother-in-law. Weeks went by, and months went by, and every other day, Li-Li served the specially treated food to her mother-in-law. She remembered what Mr. Huang had said about avoiding suspicion, so she controlled her temper, obeyed her mother-in-law, and treated her like her own mother.

After six months had passed, the whole household had changed. Li-Li had practiced controlling her temper so much that she found that she almost never got mad or upset. She hadn't had an argument with her mother-in-law in six months because she now seemed much kinder and easier to get along with.

The mother-in-law's attitude toward Li-Li changed, and she began to love Li-Li like her own daughter. She kept telling friends and relatives that Li-Li was the best daughter-in-law one could ever find. Li-Li and her mother-in-law were now treating each other like a real mother and daughter. Li-Li's husband was very happy to see what was happening.


One day, Li-Li came to see Mr. Huang and asked for his help again She said, 'Dear Mr. Huang, please help me to keep the poison from killing my mother-in-law. She's changed into such a nice woman, and I love her like my own mother. I do not want her to die because of the poison I gave her.'

Mr. Huang smiled and nodded his head. 'Li-Li, there's nothing to worry about, I never gave you any poison. The herbs I gave you were vitamins to improve her health. The only poison was in your mind and your attitude toward her, but that has been all washed away by the love which you gave to her.'

HAVE YOU REALIZED that how you treat others is exactly how they will treat you? There is a wise Chinese saying: 'The person who loves others will also be loved in return.' God might be trying to work in another person's life through you.

@ romade,

There are not jokes created to sound funny. All this events actually happened.

The Vicar, The Banker and the Lawyer
A rich man was dying as a result of a heart attack he suffered because of major losses on his investment portfolio, laid on his deathbed, requested to be joined at his bedside by his vicar, his bank manager and his lawyer.
He instructed them that he wished to be buried, when he finally passed away, along with the rest of his money. He gave each of them fifty thousand pounds and asked them to throw the money on top of his coffin, in the burial plot, when he died.
A couple of days later the old man passed away and was buried within the week. At the wake keeping, the three men were chatting and the vicar was suddenly overcome with guilt. He confessed to the other two that he had only thrown only half of the money onto the coffin, as the church needed urgent repairs to the roof. The bank manager thought, ‘What the heck if we are having a confession,’ and told the other two men that he had also only thrown half the money in, as the ‘Credit Crunch’ was hitting hard and he needed some money for the bank to stop it going bust. The lawyer jumped up and said to the other two, ‘I think that is a shameful act on both of you. I threw a cheque in for the full amount!”

Surprise Visitor
Resolving to surprise her husband, an investment banker’s wife pops by his office. She finds him in an unorthodox position, with his secretary sitting in his lap. Without hesitation, he starts dictating, “…and in conclusion, gentlemen, credit crunch or no credit crunch, I cannot go on sharing a chair in this office!”

Keep the Change

In 1977, a thief in Southampton, England, came up with a clever method of robbing the cash register at a local supermarket. After collecting a basketful of groceries, he approached the checkout area and placed a £10 note on the counter. The grocery clerk took the bill and opened the cash register, at which point the thief snatched the contents and ran off. It turned out to be a bad deal for the thief, since the till contained only £4.37 and the thief ended up losing £5.63

The Worst Lawyer

Twenty-five year old Marhshall George Cummings, Jr, of Tulsa, Oklahoma, was charged with attempted robbery in connection with a purse-snatching at a shopping center on October 14, 1976. During the trial the following January, Cummings chose to act as his own attorney. While cross-examining the victim, Cummings asked, “Did you get a good look at my face when I took your purse?” Cummings later decided to turn over his defence to a public defender, but it was too late. He was convicted and sentenced to 10 years in prison.

Big Mouth

Dennis Newton was on trial in 1985 for armed robbery in Oklahoma City. Assistant District Attorney Larry Jones asked one of the witnesses, the supervisor of the store that had been robbed, to identify the robber. When she pointed to the defendant, Newton jumped to his feet, accused the witness of lying, and said, “I should have blown your —ing head off!” After a moment of stunned silence, he added, “If I’d been the one that was there.” The jury sentenced Newton to 30 years in prison.

Checking Out

Eighteen year old Charles A. Meriweather broke into a home in Northwest Baltimore on the night of November 22-23, 1978, raped the woman who lived there, and then ransacked the house. When he discovered that she only had $11.50 in cash, he asked her “How do you pay your bills?”
She Replied, “By cheque” and he ordered her to write out a cheque for $30. He then changed his mind and upped it to $50.
“Who shall I make it out to?” asked the woman, a 34 year old government employee.
“Charles A. Meriweather,” said Charles A. Meriweather, adding, “It better not bounce or I’ll be back.”
Meriweather was arrested several hours later


Showing off your booty


Charles Taylor of Wichita, Kansas, was arrested for robbing a shoe store at knifepoint and stealing a $69 pair of size 10 1/2 tan hiking boots on December 18, 1996. At his trial, three months later, Taylor arrogantly rested his feet on the defence table. He was wearing a pair of size 10 1/2 tan hiking boots. The judge, James Fleetwood, was incredulous. ‘I leaned over and stared,’ he later said. ‘Surely nobody would be so stupid as to wear the boots he stole to his trial.’ But it turned out one person was that stupid. Taylor was convicted of aggravated robbery and sent back to jail in his stockinged feet.

My own na piss mess me up.I work on the Island and was chilling @ a bar to dodge traffic i come use 2 big stout.When i eventually left,the traffic was still on 3rd mainland bridge.That day it was like the traffic was from hell.That was when piss struck.I couldnt come down to urinate and was trying to hold it.I held it for almost 1 hr but we still no reach Oworo so i let it out gently as per na only me dey inside the car.It felt warm and nice

ehn

Three tortoises, Mick, Andy and Roy, decide to go on a picnic. Mick packs
the picnic basket with beer and sandwiches. The trouble is that the picnic
site is ten miles away So, it takes them ten days to get there.


When they get there Mick unpacks the food and beer.

"Ok Roy give me the bottle opener"

"I didn't bring it" says Roy

"I thought you packed it" Mick gets worried,

He turns to Andy, "Did you bring the bottle opener?"

Naturally Andy didn't bring it.

So they're stuck ten miles from home without a bottle

opener. Mick and Andy beg Roy to go back for it. But he refuses as

he says they will eat all the sandwiches. After two hours, and after

">they have sworn on their tortoise lives that they will not eat the

sandwiches, he finally agrees.


So Roy sets off down the road at a steady pace.

20 days pass and he still isn't back and Mick and Andy are

starving, but a promise is a promise. Another 5 days and he still

isn't back, but a promise is a promise.


Finally they can't take it any longer so they take out a sandwich each, and
just as they are about to eat it, Roy pops up from behind a rock and
shouts,

"I KNEW IT', I'M NOT GOING!"

ole

Hi people,very nice thread.I am one of those men this thread is directed at.I had to break up from a relationship of 5 years cuz she wouldn't let me be myself and was always nagging about the way i litter the house. I think its a woman's responsibility to take care of a man.Most of us men are naturally like that by default.