₦airaland Forum

An American investment banker was at the pier of a small Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.
The Mexican replied, "Only a little while."

The American then asked, "Why didn't you stay out longer and catch more fish?"

The Mexican said, "With this I have more than enough to support my family's needs."

The American then asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"

The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos, I have a full and busy life."

The American scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing; and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat: With the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats. Eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor; eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then Los Angeles and eventually New York where you will run your ever-expanding enterprise."

The Mexican fisherman asked, "But, how long will this all take?"

To which the American replied, "15 to 20 years."

"But what then?" asked the Mexican.

The American laughed and said that's the best part. "When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions."

"Millions?, Then what?"

The American said, "Then you would retire, move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos." Oh my God, you already have all that.

For those who wish to have a glass of wine, and those who don't, this is something to think about.

As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink one liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than one kilo of Escherichia coli, (E.coli) - bacteria found in feces. In other words, we would be consuming one kilo of crap.

However, we do not run that risk when drinking wine and beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

Remember: Water = Crap; Wine = Health

Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a public service.

Nicce joke,very cool

Nice

A woman just returned from a trip and as soon as she stepped into the
house, after the usual welcome thingies, she asked her younger child, a 6-year-old boy, if everything was alright in the two days she's been away.

"Ha, mummy, Praise God!" he said, "In fact, I want to give a testimony at Church on Sunday! A strange thing happened when u left, Alright ke,
hmmn, everything was not alright o". Slightly curious, the mum asked,"so what happened sweetie?"

"Soon after you left on Friday, Bayo from next door came to see Bunmi.
We were in the sitting room watching Cartoon Network and I slept off.
But when I awoke, I couldn't find them both. I searched everywhere:
kitchen, toilets, garden and still I didn't find them. I became scared, and then I heard some murmur coming from your room.



"It was dark inside and I couldn't see them well at first from the door.



But I guess Bunmi was mad at something because her eyes were gleaming.


Then I think she was feeling sick and nearly fainted and Bayo started breathing in her mouth, just like we were taught in P. E. Class.

And then it got serious because he started having trouble getting her
mouth and kept trying to hold her head in place and all that.
"She must have nearly died because he started to feel her heart! He had
trouble finding it and he started feeling all over her body, inside her
clothes to find it! At a point he even started using his mouth, looking
for it all over: her thighs and all!

By then Bunmi was so sick, she was just moaning and moving here and
there. Bayo too was becoming infected and he started grunting like Balu
the bear in Jungle Book, !
"Then I saw it, Mummy, I saw it! I saw the demon that possessed them all
the while.

A black, thick, snake-like demon came out of Bayo 's pants, standing
strong and rude! They paused for a second, and then Bunmi got brave and
decided to bite it to death It was a fierce battle as she struggled with it. It kept going in and out of her mouth and Bayo was cursing softly all the while.Eventually, the demon surrendered and started bleeding white,
"Then, Bunmi tugged it several times and slapped it, I don't know why
she did something that silly, because, the demon got angry and strong
again!

Then Bayo and Bunmi joined forces and started squashing it between them.
They squashed and squashed again. It was so bad! Bayo was
growling this time like an enraged gorilla and Bunmi kept saying all
sorts.

For some time she kept blaming Bayo for the trouble saying, "Oh Bayo,you've killed me, you've finished me, I'm finished" some times, she was
begging God for more power, "Oh Lord, Oh God, give it to me, give it to
me !"


And truly, after a long while, the demon died, bleeding a creamier white this time.

"They just lay there tired. Bayo and Bunmi, and were just talking in
low tones.

Suddenly, I think the snake-bite became worrisome, and Bunmi became sick again. Bayo started to look for her heart once again and then, oh my
God, the demon resurrected! This time, it was Bunmi who took charge.
She put it right under her and started sitting on it. It was biting her
and she kept yelling and jumping and sitting and Bayo was then begging for God to intervene, He just sat there holding Bunmi and calling God several times.

Truly God was faithful and The Demon finally died.

Bunmi slumped across Bayo and they both fainted there for a long time

"When they awoke, Bunmi said she was concerned about something and Bayo
brought a rubber hood out. He said truly, they should have used it.


Maybe they would have just strangled the demon instead,



"Mummy, I must give testimony in Church on Sunday! If not for
God, imagine!


And I must say, you have a brave daughter in Bunmi!"

Dude,

I am homophobic so i am not going to pet you here o.I think beign gay is worse than beign retarded,i mean why is it that you derive pleasure from screwing and being screwed by your fellow man. Its so wrong,even God hates it (Remember Sodom and Gomorrah).You shld get your act together since youre still young or you can as well commit that suicide you are contemplating cuz society would never ever accept it or continue with your bullshit and live a cursed life.

Moderator,

Kindly move outa here

In the world of romance, one single rule applies to the men :
Make the woman happy.
Do something she likes, and you get points.
Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.
You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.
Here is a guide to the point system:

SIMPLE DUTIES

1. You make the bed (+1)
2. You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
3. You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
4. You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) In the rain (+ But return with Beer (-5)
5. You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)
6. You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
7. You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
8. You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
9. It's her pet (-50)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS

1. You stay by her side the entire party (0)
2. You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy (-10)
3. Named Rita (-100)
4. Rita is a dancer (-1000)
5. Rita is single and is really beautiful (-10000)

HER BIRTHDAY

1. You forget her birthday (-50000)
2. You take her out to dinner (0)
3. You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)
4. Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)
5. And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)
6. It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team (-10)

A NIGHT OUT

1. You take her to a movie (+2)
2. You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
3. You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
4. You take her to a movie you like (-2)
5. It's called 'Death Cop' (-3)
6. You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

YOUR PHYSIQUE

1. You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
2. You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
3. You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
4. You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)

ENJOY THE 'BIG' QUESTION

1. She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) [Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT THE ANSWER IS]
2. You hesitate in responding (-10)
3. You reply, "Whar do u mean?" (-35)
4. Any other response (-20)

COMMUNICATION

1. When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)
2. You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
3. You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
4. She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)

The Man'S Rules­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
FINALLY, the guys' side of the story.
( I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear "the rules"
From the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!
Please note, these are all numbered "1 "
ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.


1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Hours.


1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials,

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
Yeah we do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine, Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football
or golf , OR CARS.

1.YES HANGING OUT WITH THE BOYS IS WAY MORE INTRESTING THAN BEING WITH YOU

1. You have enough clothes.

1.yes means yes and no means no

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;


But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Poster,

Dont mind them,its not that bad and its the reality of things in Organisations.

lol

@chioya,

Whats up girl,please check your face bk out

And the morale of your story is?

Yeah right

Kai!!!

its quite funny sha

But you already gave us her name na

dont

A Farmer orders an expensive Milking Machine,
He decides to test it on himself first, so he inserts
his Manhood into the equipment and turns on the switch.
Soon he realizes that the equipment provides him with
more pleasure than his Wife does. But when the fun is
over, he realizes that he cannot remove the instrument
from his tool. Anxiously he reads the manual, but does
not find any useful information.
He tries every button on the instrument, without
success. finally the farmer decides to call the
Customer Service Hotline .

" Hello, I just bought a Cow Milking Machine from your
company . It works fantastic, but how do I remove it
from the Cow's Udder, ?''
" Don't worry Sir '', replies the Customer Service
Person , , " the machine will release automatically
once it has collected Two Litres , !! "

A mother had three daughters, and on their wedding day, she would ask each of them to write home and tell her about their sex lives.

The first wrote back on the second day after she got married. The letter arrived with only a single message, "Nescafe."

The Mother was confused at first, but finally noticed a Nescafe coffee ad on a newspaper, and it said; "SATISFACTION, TO THE LAST DROP, " So, the Mother was happy.

Then the second daughter got married and after a week she sent home a letter. There was only one message, it reads; "Benson & Hedges."

So the Mother looked for a Benson & Hedges' ad, and it says; "EXTRA LONG, KING SIZE." The Mother was happy.

After the third daughter got married, the Mother was anxious to receive a message from her baby. It took 4 weeks for a message to arrive. When it did the message simply said "British Airways."

The Mother was concerned. She frantically looked through all the newspapers at home for a British Airways ad. She finally found one and fainted. The ad read: "THREE TIMES A DAY, SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, BOTH WAYS"

Pls don' laugh, it's a serous matter.


(Be da change u wanna see in da world)

The remaining answears nko?

nice

lol

I think both adages are applicable in different situations.

WORD PUZZLE

See if you can figure outwhat these words have in common.

1. BANANA
2. DRESSER
3. GRAMMAR
4. POTATO
5. REVIVE
6. UNEVEN
7. ASSESS

Are you peeking or have you already given up?

Give it another try .
Look at each word carefully.

(You'll kick yourself when you discover the answer.)

This Is Cool.

Answer: No, it is not that they all have a t least 2 doubleletters.
(Thought I had the answer, but I did not go far enough.)

.

.

.

.

.

.

,

.

.

















Answer:
In all of the words listed, if you take the first letter, place it at the end of the word, and then spell the word backwards, it will be the same word.

Did you figure it out? Just send it to more people; then, you'll feel better, too.

Have a great day.

Hello,
This puzzle is called Lateral Thinking . . .
Just Check This Out ! ! !!

Scroll down slowly and be honest to yourself. Crack the puzzles,


Think like a wizard . . .


man
1. ------------
board













Answer = man overboard











Okay, let's see if you've got the hang of it.



















stand
2. ------------
i


















Answer = I understand














OK . . .









Got the drift ?












Let's try a few now and see









how you fare ?












3. /r/e/a/d/i/n/ g/





















Answer = reading between the lines
















4. r
road
a
d














Answer = cross road













Not having a good day now, are you ?










Redeem yourself.










5. cycle
cycle
cycle






















Answer = tricycle













Not easy to figure out ha!










0
6. ------------
M.D.
Ph.D.























Answer= two degrees below zero









C'mon give it a little thought!!










knee
7. ------------
light























Answer= neon light









( knee - on - light )














U can prove u r smart by getting this one.














ground
8. ------------ ---
feet feet feet feet feet feet















Answer= six feet underground









Oh no, not again!!







9. he's X himself






















Answer = he's by himself









Now u messing up big time.










10. ecnalg






















Answer= backward glance













Not even close ! !










11. death , life























Answer= life after death













Okay last chance , ,











12. THINK























Answer = think big ! !










And the last one is real fundoo - - -














13. ababaaabbbbaaaabbbb ababaabbaaabbbb. .






















Ans. = long time no 'C'

LOL.Nice one

How Smart Is Your Right Foot ?

Try This It's Pretty Neat !!!

Just try this, It is from an orthopaedic surgeon,

This will boggle your mind and you will keep trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart your right foot, but you can't. It's pre-programmed in your brain!!

1. While sitting where you are , at your desk, in front of your computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.

2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand.

Your foot will change direction !!!

I told you so!!!! And there's nothing you can do about it.

You and I both know how stupid it is, but before the day is done, you are going to try it again, if you've not already done so.

A MAN SUSPECTED HIS WIFE OF CHEATING, SO HE HIRED THE FAMOUS CHINESE DETECTIVE, CHEN LEE, TO WATCH AND REPORT ANY SUSPICIOUS ACTIVITIES WHILE HE WAS AWAY, A FEW DAYS LATER HE RECIEVED THIS REPORT.

MOST HONORABLE SIR:
YOU LEAVE HOUSE, I WATCH HOUSE, HE COME TO HOUSE, I WATCH, HE AND SHE LEAVE HOUSE, I FOLLOW. HE AND SHE GO IN HOTEL, I CLIMB TREE. I LOOK IN HE KISS SHE, SHE KISS HE, HE STRIP SHE, SHE STRIP HE, HE PLAY WITH SHE, SHE PLAY WITH HE, I PLAY WITH ME, I FALL OFF TREE, I NO SEE.

NO FEE,
CHEN LEE.

lol

One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass.

Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. He asked one man, “Why are you eating grass?”

“We don’t have any money for food,” the poor man replied.
“We have to eat grass.”

“Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I’ll feed you,” the lawyer said.

“But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree.”

“Bring them along,” the lawyer replied. Turning to the other poor man he stated,”You come with us, also.”

The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, “But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!”

“Bring them all, as well,” the lawyer answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was.

Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, “Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.”

The lawyer replied, “Glad to do it. You’ll really love my place……. The grass is almost a foot high!”