₦airaland Forum

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Innovative

2. Preliminary

3. Proliferation

4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Specificity

2. Anti-constitutionalistically

3. Passive-aggressive disorder

4. Transubstantiate

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Thanks, but I don’t want to have sex.

2. Nope, no more booze for me!

3. Sorry, but you’re not really my type.

4. White Castle ? No thanks, I’m not hungry.

5. Good evening, officer. Isn’t it lovely out tonight?

6. Oh, I couldn’t! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.

7 , I’m not interested in fighting you.

8. Thank you, but I won’t make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination. I’d hate to look like a fool!

9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to pee in this parking lot or on the side of the road.

10. I must be going home now, as I have to work in the morning

Why do meeting topics come up?

Why do we speak up?

Why are officers up for election?

Why is it up to the secretary to write up a report?

We call up friends, brighten up rooms, polish up silver, warm up leftovers, and clean up kitchens.

We lock up our house.

We open up a store in the morning and close it up at night.

Some guys fix up old cars. People stir up trouble, line up for tickets, work up appetites, and think up excuses.

It’s special to get dressed up, yet if a drain gets stopped up, it must be opened up.

When it threatens to rain, it clouds up, yet when the sun comes out it clears up.

Rain wets up the earth but when it doesn’t rain things dry up.

To learn about the uses of up, look up up in a dictionary;

its definition takes up half a page, adding up to thirty or more definitions.

If you feel up to it, build up a list of its many uses.

It will take up a lot of time, but if you don’t give up, you may well wind up with over a hundred.

I could go on and on, but my time is up, so I’ll wrap it up before I’m told to shut up!

If you insist on 1.2, then i promise you that the car will be in the market forever. Haba for a 2nd hand golf 4, I sold mine last year for N650k and i sweat profously before i got some1 to buy it like that.How much did you even buy it and how much are you selling it?

Not this days again oh, Yoruba women in this Lagos no dey gree again oh, Them sef dey compete with thier husbands in tearing outside marriage.

I have had 2 different Convenant girls like me but ive didnt have any thing to do with them. My general perspective of them is that they are funloving, adventorous and they seem to expect toooo much from a guy(As per thier storybook life style now).

01) NUDITY

I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved.

She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"

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2) OPINIONS

On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother.

The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."

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3) KETCHUP

A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar.






During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."

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4) MORE NUDITY

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room.

When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover.

The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

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5) POLICE # 1

While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform,

she asked, "Are you a cop?" Yes," I answered and continued writing the report. "My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right? "Yes, that's right," I told her. "Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"

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6) POLICE # 2

It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment,

my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me "Is that a dog you got back there?" he asked. "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said," What'd he do?"

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7) ELDERLY

While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs.

One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"

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DRESS-UP

A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit."

"And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning."

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9) DEATH

While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin.

Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting , then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: "Glory be unto the Faaaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he gooooes."

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10) SCHOOL

A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother , "I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!"

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11) BIBLE

A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages.

Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages "Mama, look what I found," the boy called out. ; ; "What have you got there, dear?"

With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's

underwear."

1. Nyash na nyash and e must to smell
2.One day breeze go blow and fowl nyash go open
3.Cockroach sabi dance but na fowl no gree am display him talent
4.Craw craw know the kin nyash where him dey scratch
5.AIDS no dey show for face

Im sure the guy is enjoying all the pocket money that you send to him.

For the below reasons;
1. A lot of women this days are financially well to do and would only marry a man who is richer or at least at per.
2. Those days men married only one wife unlike our parents and thier parents
3. Men are fewer than women
4. Attitude problem of a lot of women even though they are aware that good men are scarce
5. Good men are scarce.
6. Men settle later than those days
7. etc

Really nice

Oya,

Tell us the answear na

Bunch of liars claiming to have been at yellow chilles last Friday night

Guys for real abeg na who wan buy beer this night, I go dey Yellow chillies for VI abeg. im wearing my chelsea jersey.

Thanks guys for all the drinks. Today is Friday, Are you thinking what im thinking

Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink
I feel shamed. Then I look into the glass and think
about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes
and dreams If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out
of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say
to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their
dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
~ Jack Handy

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"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they
wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're
going to feel all day. "
~Frank Sinatra
WARNING:The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you aretougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

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"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
~ Henny Youngman
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.




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"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
I think not."
~ Stephen Wright
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.




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"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk,
we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all
get drunk and go to heaven!"
~ Brian O'Rourke




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"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants
us to be happy."
~ Benjamin Franklin
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.




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"Without question, the greatest invention in the
history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the
wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does
not go nearly as well with pizza."
~ Dave Barry
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.




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To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!
~ Dave Howell
WARNING:The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logicallyconverse with members of the opposite s e x without spitting.

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And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin,
of Cheers. One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm.
Here's how it went:

"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this, A herd of buffalo
can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when
the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones
at the back that are killed first This natural selection is
good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the
regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the
slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we
know,kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers!!!!"


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ABS simply means auto breaking system. I think there is nothing wrong with your car

Have you guys ever heard of sexual incompatability?What if you guys aren't sexually compatable?What if she frigid?What if she has a terrible kitten odour?What if shes got an over expanded hole?
My guy i go test my wife even if na once before i marry o.I no dey inside had i know.

The only nairaland babe(She knows herself so name undisclosed.Active poster)i went to see was an apology.My friend and I went there and on seeing this girl we almost ran because of her ojuju looks.Anyway,we lied that we had to go and change our tyre and would be right back.ZOOOOOOOM we went.
Ever since then ive not made any other attempt to meet any other nairaland babe.I get the impression that all nairaland girls are ugly especially since all the fine girls i know are not on Nairaland

Well you really can't say oh.In the olding days some folks did not meet each other until their wedding day.The guy must be under pressure to get married and he may delibrately insist on not getting to know her well because he may feel the more you get to know one another,the slimmer the chances may be.Well my only advice for your friend is that she should get as much information about the guy from people who know him.
Quite frankly,marriage is not an institution that one should rush into,but pple please give them a break

henry007
Guy you were too harsh on her,

iice
Must you post on every trend

Not in Lagos sha

Though i may not agree with you in all of the above,I must admit that most of it is true.But reconsider number 4.Women are always materialistic and can fall in love deeply with a guy cuz he has money and can give them gifts.

Why if i may ask?

Leave her cuz she's a B****

Guy i no fit lie you but my babes are usually clean girls and this your complaints does not apply to them so i would say you are seriously on your own.

A down to earth and God fearing woman but she must be smart

I think you should go ahead and prepare for your wedding.Im sure your fiance ex is just rendering empty threats.People who are capable of doing the things she is saying won't talk.She is just trying to scare you off

43-God forbid bad thing.You must be iresponsible to still be single at this age.Chai! so when will you raise your kids

You liked him but you broke up with him cuz he was stingy.Well you have to learn to live with it cuz going back to him would be a terrible mistake and plus why do Nigerian ladies always assume that it is a guys responsibility to take them out,In Europe,every body pays for his/her meal when out on a date. Why wont you ladies for one think the other way around.

Hi Seun,
Nairaland is becoming boring,could you create more functions on nairaland just like in the Celtel central station.Im tired of seeing people post different lies,i want to be able to do other things on nairaland. Meanwhile i wont forget to say you are doing a great job.

nigerians

The sweetest thing i ever said to anyone was "Your breasts are soft"