Yameater:


YOU DON FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKY ANY OF THEM BEFORE?
OJEONU

No But france is fvcking them right now

The only thing dem sabi na to f*uck.....and dey be like "what is lukaku playing self"

When Jesus said it is finished, he was actually referring to your brain

Maybe you were drenched by rain

I know say big brother don suck her slippers breast that why he's giving her hint.......or she be seer?







Ayam not understanding

Cristiano Ronaldo vs Leo Messi in court

Judge: Have any of you won the
Golden ball?
Ronaldo: Yes, 5 times.
Messi: Yes, 5 times as well.


Judge: Have any of you won the
Golden Boot?
Ronaldo: Yes, 4 times.
Messi: Same here.


Judge: How many individual trophies
have you each won?
Ronaldo: 16.
Messi: 13.


Judge: Have any of you played for
another club’s first team besides your
current one?
Ronaldo: Yes! Sporting CP in Portugal
first division and Manchester United
in BPL.
Messi: No. Only Barcelona.


Judge: Have any of you won a title
with your national team?
Ronaldo: Yes! We won Portugal’s first
ever European Championship.
Messi: No.


Judge: How many goals have each of
you scored for your respective
teams?
Ronaldo: Should I count the goals
I’ve scored for Man United and
Sporting?


Judge: No. Only for Real Madrid.
Ronaldo: 436 goals in 426
appearances or 9 seasons.
Messi: 539 goals in 625 appearances
or 14 seasons.


Judge: Who has scored more hat-
tricks in La Liga?
Ronaldo: Me. 35 in La Liga.
Messi: Ronaldo has. I’ve scored 28.


Judge: Which is the most prestigious
competition in club football?
Ronaldo: Champions League.
Messi: Champions League.


Judge: Have any of you won
Champions League?
Ronaldo: Yes, 4 times in total with 2
different teams. Once with Man United
and 3 times with Madrid.
Messi: Yes, 4 times as well with
Barcelona only.


Judge: Who has scored more goals in
the CL between the two of you?
Ronaldo: I’ve scored 118 goals in the
CL.
Messi: I’ve scored 100.
Judge: Who has more assists

between the two of you in the CL?
Ronaldo: I have 39.
Messi: Ronaldo has. I have 26.

Judge: Who has scored more goals in
total in the CL finals?
Ronaldo: Me.
Messi: Ronaldo.

Judge: Which one of you have scored
more free kicks?
Ronaldo: I have.
Messi: Ronaldo has.

Judge: Most goals with weak foot?
Ronaldo: Me, I think.
Messi: (Nods in agreement).

Judge: Most goals from outside of the
box?
Ronaldo: Me.. again.
Messi: Ronaldo.

Judge: Who has scored more
headers?
Ronaldo: Is that a serious question?
Messi: ...

Judge: Who has a better penalty
conversion rate?
Ronaldo: I think I do. I’ve scored 82%
of the penalties I’ve taken.
Messi: I’ve scored 77% of the
penalties I’ve taken.

Judge: Which one of you have scored
the most goals in total during your
career?
Ronaldo: I think I have. 647 goals.
Messi: I’ve scored 603

Judge: How many football records do
each of you hold in total for both
club and country?
Ronaldo: 146
Messi: 110


Judge: Well, after analyzing all of the
facts that have been presented to me.
I can only draw one conclusion when
it comes to comparing you both as
football players. That conclusion is
that Ronaldo is the better player in
almost every category. When it comes
to goal scoring and accolades for
both club and country, Ronaldo
comes out on top. Messi, you are
without a doubt Barcelona’s best
player of all time. But certainly not
the world’s best ever. That is clearly
Ronaldo at the moment.


Messi: But I am younger than Ronaldo
and haven’t played as many matches
as him.


Judge: I understand that, but until
you surpass his goal scoring records
and win as many trophies both
individually and collectively as he
has, then Ronaldo will, according to
the statistics, be considered as the
best football player of all time. Until
then, keep pushing on and you just
might be able to achieve just as
much as Ronaldo!

Shey jay z sabi otedol?

*WHO KNOWS TOMORROW ??* In 1985, Dasuki arrested Buhari. In 2016, Buhari arrested Dasuki. In 1995, Al Mustapha arrested Obasanjo on the order of General Abacha. In 1999, Obasanjo arrested Al Mustapha and he was jailed for 8 years. In 2010, Prof Osinbajo was answerable to Gov Fashola as one of his commissioner. In 2017, Fashola became answerable to Acting President Osibanjo as one of his minister. In 2005, Diego Simeone was under Fernando Torres. Torres was the Club Captain despite being far younger than Simeone; but He did what Torres ordered. In 2016, Diego Simeone is now Fernando Torres coach. Torres now takes orders from Simeone. In the 90's under Rawlings regime Dr. Spio Gabriel was the minister of communications and Mahama was his deputy. Today John Mahama is the President and has employed his former boss as minister. Life is like a COIN thrown up in the air. You can't really predict which side will turn up. *NO ONE STAYS ON TOP FOREVER. IT'S JUST A MATTER OF TIME AND SEASON.* That Person you Despised/Ridiculed/ Treated like shits and act like GOD over today, may have control over your Life/Career or Save your head tomorrow. NO ONE KNOWS TOMORROW!. Treat everyone with respect and show some kindness because there will always be a tomorrow. Be good to all! A Boss today might become a Subordinate tomorrow because there's no permanent state in life. *ALWAYS USE YOUR POWERS AND POSITIONS CAUTIOUSLY AND FOR THE BENEFIT OF ALL.* Always stand for what is right, fair and just. Like Mugabe said: "...treat the towel with care because the same place you used in cleaning your bottom today might be the same place you will use in cleaning your face tomorrow." *REMEMBER THIS, NO ACT OF KINDNESS IS A WASTE! OUR PRIME PURPOSE IN LIFE IS TO HELP OTHERS AND IF YOU CAN NOT HELP THEM, AT LEAST DO NOT HURT THEM!* *THANK YOU ALL!!! SEE YOU AT THE TOP...* Who would have taught,Nokia 3310 would be a forgotten phone in the midst of Androids. No one knows tomorrow....

Try it in naija and you will be stoned to death....



Meanwhile, who go suck this grandma p*ssy, because me ayam not understanding oooo

H

Cristiano Ronaldo scored twice, including a stunning
bicycle kick, as Real Madrid took control of their
Champions League quarter-final against Juventus with
a convincing first-leg win.
Just in case you missed the Goals highlight, Watch it HERE
The Real forward made history with his opener when he
prodded home Isco’s cross – becoming the first player to
score in 10 consecutive Champions League games and
also broke even more Records.
The UEFA Management took to Twitter to announce all the
Records Ronaldo broke on their Twitter page.
See all the Records Ronaldo broke last night below:-Some Twitter users wants UEFA to change the league name
to Ronaldo Champions League ��
With the excellent Records C.Ronaldo broke last night, it’s
safe to say anyone who hates Ronaldo hates Football.
What Do You Have To Say About Ronaldo’s Performance
Against Juventus?

This high rate of marriage breakup makes a lot of single men and women dread the thought of getting married. So how do you guard your marriage against a divorce? Here are 10 tips to help you achieve this

A high percentage of marriage don't last anymore these days, owing to a lot of factors. Some of the factors can be managed, while others are sometimes beyond control, like domestic violence for instance. This high rate of marriage breakup makes a lot of single men and women dread the thought of getting married. So how do you guard your marriage against a divorce » ?
Here are 10 tips to help you achieve this:


. Good communication: One of the keys to a lasting marriage is communication. It is a very important component of married life. Every couple needs to understand each other's likes and dislikes and work towards them to make each other happy.

. Personal time: As a couple, you need to spend lot of time with each other, but it is also necessary to provide personal space in one another's life. Only then, your partner feels that he/she is living his/her life as well. According to many couples, lack of personal space has been found to be a a major cause of divorce.

. Faithfulness: Fidelity is a fundamental step as to how you can save your marriage from a divorce. Give your partner the utmost priority and make her/him feel important. Love your partner unconditionally and be faithful to her/him. Building trust, love and faith can never lead to a divorce.

. Physical contact: Hugs, kisses and slight touches are ways to express love between couples. Pausing for a hug and a kiss before you leave for work in the morning may seem like a small silly thing, but the warm glow it gives you, is something to look back on all day.

. Make friends with people in solid relationships: It is a very good advice to be friends with people with strong relationships. If you are surrounded by people who are planning for a divorce or are already divorced, soon your marital life might be at risk and you might also get the idea of a divorce.

. Manage your finances: Money is another major reason for a divorce. As a couple, it is a good practice to manage your finances right from the beginning so that you do not land in trouble later. Plan together and make sure each of you are aware of the other's spendings, so that debts and taxes to catch you off guard and result to marital problems.

. Be honest: Always keep in mind about how you can save your marriage relationship is by sharing everything with your partner and being open. If you are fond of lying all the time, your partner won't trust you, and that in itself is a problem.

. Relax and make time to intimacy: Set out time to relax together by going for picnics, play with each other and also making out time for intimacy. Sex is the culmination of all things that are done throughout the day.

. Plan your future together: Dream together and plan for a wonderful future. Since you're married, you need to do things together and not spring unpleasant surprises on your partner if you want your marriage to actually last.

. Pick your fights: Quarrels and arguments are part of the package called marriage, but make sure it has a purpose and immediately settle it. Don't let minor issues escalate and become major problems. Try talking about a problem before it gets out of hand.

Preshy561:
counter thread oshi, this is how to spot a jobless guy.

well, no 1 describes who you are.....plastic leg

Phew

Marriage is a huge commitment. You never want to get sucked into a marriage that is going to end up making you downright unhappy and frustrated with your life. You always have to make sure that before you get married to a fine lady, you should have the mental and emotional faculties that are necessary to really sustain a marriage.

You have to be a mature human being who understands that love and marriage aren’t easy and that a lot of work and commitment really goes into churning out a successful union between two people. But aside from merely building yourself up to be a person who is truly ready for marriage.

You also have to make sure that you choose the right partner to spend the rest of your life with. You can’t afford to not be choosy when selecting your potential mate.

You always have to make sure that the lady you choose is someone who you are compatible with. Remember that you are going to have to share your life with his woman. So a lot of thought and analysis has to go into selecting your wife..

While it can be wrong to automatically dismiss a woman without getting to know them, there are just some kinds of women that you really should veer away from. These are the types of women who will make it incredibly difficult for you to be happy in a marriage.

These are the women who are going to make you want to just put a gun to your head and shoot yourself if you’re not careful. So always be receptive of all kinds of women, but always make sure to stay guarded as well.

You don’t want to end up marrying a woman who is going to corrupt your soul and your whole idea of love. Here are the types of women you should avoid marrying at all costs.

1. The one who is bitter about everything. This women is the ultimate negatron. She is always upset and being negative about something. She is constantly bringing negative vibes into your life. She’s like a human black cloud always choosing to hover over you making everything gloomy.

2. The one who only ever thinks about herself. This is the girl who will never pay you any mind. She is incredibly selfish and she is only ever looking out for herself. She won’t really give a damn about how you feel unless she knows she can get something out of it.

3. The one who is all about material possessions. She is going to want the most lavish gifts from you. She isn’t going to be interested in your love unless it comes in the form of expensive commercial items. You are going to go broke trying to please her so you have to be careful.

4. The one who is a big flirt. Her eyes aren’t going to be reserved for you. She is going to keep on scouting for potential targets she can use her moves on. She likes the game of flirting and she likes to play with different kinds of people. You will never feel a sense of security when you’re with her.

5. The one who wants to party every weekend. At some point, you are both going to have to grow up and say goodbye to the whole club and party scene. So if she’s still the type of girl who wants to go out clubbing every single weekend, then she probably hasn’t matured enough for marriage yet.

6. The one who thinks she’s entitled to everything. She is going to demand the world from you and even if you do manage to give it to her, it’s never going to be enough. She is the type of girl who thinks she doesn’t have to work hard for the things that she wants. She believes that everything should be served to her on a silver platter.

7. The one who can’t stand not being the center of attention. She is never going to allow you to shine. She will be jealous of whatever success you are going to get. She wants all eyes to be on her at all times. You should also check 15 Signs He is planning To Make You the Future Wife

8. The one who can’t stop gossiping. She is going to be all about the drama. And eventually, drama is going to end up poisoning a relationship. When you get older, you are going to want to limit the drama as much as possible. So if your wife is a constant source of drama, then that’s something that you should be worried about.

9. The one who is afraid of commitment. Of course you need a wife who is going to commit to you. Commitment is key in actually making a marriage work and so you always need to make sure that your girl is ready to really work things out with you for the long haul.

Cc: Mynd44 Lalasticlala

SamuelTurner:
MPB

source: www..ng/news/oshe-baddest-man-kills-a-dolphin-in-akwa-ibom-state-poses-on-top-of-the-trophy-carcass

MPB

MPB

A man posed with a Dolphin he killed in Ibeno local Government Area of Akwa Ibom State. Facebook user, Amaka Chukwuyere posted the photos on Easter Sunday, slamming the man for killing the animal. “This dolphin was killed today in Ibeno local government in Akwa Ibom State.. Nigerians sha.. Instead of puting it in a drum of water so people can come view it via tourist attraction, una prefer to use am do Easter fish Pepper soup. Me wey never see dolphin b4. Ndi-ala.” she wrote. More photos below…

Miztahbk:
My name is Munachi so lets see how it goes Mindotokaririki

this one weak me

Samuel: Arikarindokuta

Hi Guys, Happy Holiday, how is it going with you and your family? We all know how viral the record breaking movie “Black Panther” went, and the character name was kinda funny, but we love it. So you should generate your own wakanda name too, let’s laugh..

Dumdumfashion:
Good luck to him. God connect me to my destiny helper too.

try bbnaija

Abeg watin be the ip adress

asuustrike2009:
Please add source to what you type

Thanks

Source : https://www.gotquestions.org/Easter-Monday.html

Question: "What is Easter Monday?" Answer: Easter Monday, also known as Bright Monday, Renewal Monday, Wet Monday, and Dyngus Day, is the Monday immediately after Easter Sunday. It is observed by many Christian groups, but primarily by the Eastern Orthodox and Roman Catholic traditions. It marks the beginning of Easter Week (Roman Catholic) / Bright Week (Eastern Orthodox). Different cultures observe Easter Monday very differently. For some, Easter Monday is a solemn remembrance of Christ’s death and resurrection marked by an outdoor procession. For others, there are Easter egg-rolling competitions. For still others, siblings and/or spouses wake each other up by pouring buckets of water on each other (hence the name “Wet Monday”). And others celebrate with a large gathering and a polka festival (Dingus Day). Some of these observances have more Christian symbolism in them than others, but none of them are explicitly biblical. The Bible does not say anything about what happened on Easter Monday, the day after Jesus’ resurrection. The Bible does not instruct followers of Jesus Christ to observe Easter Monday, so there is no obligation to celebrate it. As with many holidays, there is nothing wrong with observing some cultural traditions, but it is important to not allow traditions to detract from the message of the gospel.

1).. If you have a yellow teeth, consider it a blessing and ursef
lucky coz I can see the MTN ntwrk locating ur teeth 4 MTN
advert... Isn't that great
°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°


2).. In Nigeria we don't say "you are dark and ugly", we say
"are you from Ghana Full stop.....
°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°


3).. Nigeria has really changed everything. Imagine mai maths
teacher telling me dat 1 + 1 = 4.. Asked him 2 explain en he
said "previously,(I was looking at him) during goodluck
Jonathan's regime, 1 + 1 = 2 but now, its buhari's regime and a
different thing as well, so 1 + 1 = 4(still looking
at him) . He is really smart, isn't he Only fools will disagree
He shud be shipped 2 # yabaleft immediately
# fools!!!
°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°


4).. Lipstick is only made for girls with small lips, the girls
wit big mouth, big lips can use "roll-on"....
Hope am clear!
°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°


5).. Dating a slim girl is good, I mean, its not bad until she
removes her cloth and you discover she use belt to hold her
pant.
°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°


6).. Some girls dat I knw will wear 1 pant for 5days and when
they want to sit down on a chair , dey will clean it up..
See, ur stupidity demands 31days crusade
Theme: The battle agnst dirty pants
Time: 11pm till 5am
Venue: five star hotel port Harcourt
............ Hrhebheheb... Hai sai ratata bobobokokokohar
aaaamu.. The prophet speaks!!! ... # fadalawd av mercy.
°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°


7).. Nigeria is the only place where someone would mistakenly
hit u in de crowd and the next thing is for u to check ur "carrot"
if its still there .
Only Nigerians will understand..
Naija I hail ooo!!!!
°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°


.. If all he does is to make u cry ... Mai dear ur dating an
ONION... .
Only For daters ooo coz am among d SSS... Nt "state security
service" oo bt "singles still searching"
°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°


9).. An Hausa girl asked me "hu cheats most in a relationship ?
A femail or a mail
I told her "E-mail.. Gmail.. Post office... ...
°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°


10).. A Nigerian girl said she loves me that I can look into her
eyes to confirm...... I looked straight and deep only to see
NEPA BILL, FUEL PRICE... ... Nigerians!!!!
# Economy_bad .....
°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°


11).. How many of you know that the word "OLODO" means a
good thing if you turn ur phone upside down .......
°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°


.
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.
.
.
.


12).. I know some olodo will try it...
Mtchewww!!!!! I cannot go and comman be killing myself
explaining to u people....
°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°