₦airaland Forum

ikamefa: breezing in " "

@seru my own be say i want to carry gele and dance alanta plus azonto and wetin dem dey call dis iyanya (kukere) dance oh yah wedding

congratulations oh
just do e-invite shikena !!!!!
stay blessed.

@ikamefa. Don't worry. My NL family will be the first to be notified.

@Analytical. My brother from another mother. Nice hearing from you and yes, I have been blessed with 'olori'. It's a nice feeling and I'm enjoying it. Praying along with you that your breakthrough is permanent IJN.

@Ujujoan. I think what analytical meant was all the years between now and when my late wife passed are considered lost years of marital happiness, I guess. I'm looking forward to making up for lost time.

Finally made up my mind to write a book. Still trying to figure out whether I'm using my NL name or my real name for it. Guess that will sort itself out in time. Guess who's screen names are going to be in front receiving thanks

@suigeneris12. Just sent you a reply. Once again, sorry it took so long. Cheers.

@ suigeneris12. I got your email. Sorry I haven't replied sooner. I was out of town. You'll be seeing my reply soonest. Very interesting analogy.

LFJ: Congratulation Mr. Serubawon, your story is inspiring and soul lifting. How I get hook to this tread? I don't know. From the first page to the last are very interesting. The contributions of the women in the house add salt and peppe to everything. It is not always easy telling your own story especially in the part of our world, I praise you for this. The stuff we got on this tread is no doubt a reflection your age, experience and level of matuarity.

Thank you. I sincerely appreciate that.

suigeneris12: This is a nice thread. Thanks to all who have been an encouragement to Mr Serubawon.
Is it possible to chat with you, Mr Serubawon sometime? But not on this platform

@suigeneris12. It would really help if I know what you want to chat about? Send me a PM. If you don't get a reply, please let me know. My listed email here is not my real email (for obvious reasons), but I do check it from time to time.

I guess everyone just has one thing or the other going on in their lives. Me o... I'm enjoying my new relationship (is it still new ). Meeen....juggling school and work in this country no be small thing o. I think I'm just getting old, but refusing to accept it. Madam CC, no worry. At the right time and with the right topic, everyone will come flocking back again.

Hmmmm. How do I start this.....

Olori, thank you for bringing hope, joy and meaning back into my life....
I see you and I feel like a brand new Dodge Charger....ready to take on anything and everything....
Being able to look forward to life and the future again is so refreshing and reviving....
Your poise, beauty, intelligence (and craziness too) keeps me on my toes and always alert....
Thank you babe......

@braveheart2012. I understand. This is about the 3rd time I've promised to paste pictures and I always change my mind. Don't worry. Being incognito is what makes the forum thrive. It will remain that way. Once again, thanks for everything. Take care.

braveheart2012: I am super-happy for you. However, I think you should stop revealing so much information about yourself and your family on here. It's just not wise. Save some of the details for only both of you to savor later when you grow old and grey together. Your story is inspiring enough as it is. You don't need to put too much of yourself out here for everybody and anybody to see. It's a small world and whatever goes on the Internet stays on there forever. Good luck!

@braveheart2012. Very true. Look at it this way. It was a way to exorcise my demons and deal with my issues in the only way I knew how. If you actually look at it, how much personal info is actually here? Any friend of mine would see this thread and know it was me instantly. I have no secrets and no skeletons to hide, but you do have a very valid point. Thank you

Sorry. Forgot to thank everyone (again). Seems like the post (with it's starts and stutters) will finally come to an end sometime in the not too distant future.

Thanking everyone who contributed (especially my sistas who had my back from the very beginning : ChairCover, Jennykadry, prittigrrr, sisi kill, spoilt, salsera, bettmafy, ikamefa and a whole lot of others (sorry for not naming you). It's been a great ride and I'm grateful. Also thanking 'Analytical" (wherever he is) and not forgetting the one person who actually made me lose my cool on the thread :MOBO? I even appreciate him (i think).

I've received PMs from people who said this thread has made an impact on them in one way or another. That's nice. God made that possible, not me. Life can throw you some very wild curves. Some people recover, some don't. I'm grateful for being amongst those that have recovered. 6 years of being on nairaland has been very interesting. I think this is one of the best forum platforms in the world (kudos to Seun). I sure hope he's making some money from all this.

Well, I'm signing off. Kids on vacation, girlfriend on vacation and I finally have some peace and quiet (which is seldom). I'm not complaining. I just enjoy my own company a lot and I seldom get the chance to do that these days. cheers.

Conclusion to my story. I think we were almost 3 months into our relationship, and she comes to visit. My kids are older and they take her daughter like a baby sister. I think her daughter has a little crush on my son and follows him all over the place. My daughter plays big sister all the time and I think they drive her nuts, but it's a healthy mix - 12, 10 and 6. My sisters get along with her pretty well. My little sister is a colonel in the USAF, and based in another state, but they gossip on the phone from time to time. My immediate junior sister knew her before me, so they're friends anyway.

At one point in the relationship, she broke up with me without warning. Apparently, I was getting way too close and she was getting uncomfortable with the vulnerability issues. I didn't freak out, just told her I understood and left her alone for about a week. After a week, she calls and says she's miserable and can't stand the fact that we're not even talking. I tell her it's her ball game. I understand where she's coming from and the trust issues and she can just take her time, no rush. From then on, it was smooth sailing (mostly). It's not a perfect relationship (does a perfect relationship exist?), but we really get along pretty good. Now, she's possessive and kinda jealous (i don't think that's bad). She spoils me with stuff (I'm still not used to that), I met her mom and sister on my last trip to naija and they're pretty cool. One time, she told me she thinks I'm the smartest guy she's ever known (or something like that). That made me feel good inside. She respects me a lot asks for what I think on EVERYTHING! It's been almost 9 months now and we're still getting stronger. She's in the 'marriage' mode now, where we're planning where and what kind of house to buy, furniture, kids' schools, colors etc. i guess I'll leave that to her, my concern is the bottom line amount and cost.

She actually knows my passwords. No woman (even my late wife) knew that. Her independence is crazy sometimes. She's used to standing on her own, but she's beginning to understand that no one can totally stand alone. It's one thing being alone, it's a completely different thing to be lonely.

I'm truly happy and it's been a veeeerrryyyy long time since I've been that. I'm so grateful to God that I don't compare her to my late wife. I truly thought that I would forever do that. Their personalities are so far apart and different, I've never sat down to compare. I can truly say with all confidence that this is the first time since my late wife passed on, that I have not really thought about her. For the past 8 years, on every xmas eve, I write something about her on my facebook page that puts people to tears. I've made up my mind to end that and finally let her go. I guess it took God to give me 'olori', to get me to finally let go.

So, I'm starting a new journey. It will have its pitfalls, but together, we'll surmount them. I've been thinking that when we finally have 2 days to our wedding, I'll post pictures up here. At that time, I believe that this thread can finally come to an end and I don't have to be anonymous anymore.

So, that's it. Wish me the best.

Man, I have really missed everyone here. This thread just refuses to die off. Well, it's all for good. prittigrrr, I am truly happy for you. That man waited for ten long years? Wow! That's what I call dedication. Congratulations! You deserve it. In fact, you both deserve it.

@ Sisi Kill. Thank you very much. Don't worry, invitations shall be posted on this thread. Funny enough, she is the only person I have ever told about this thread. She said she wanted an unscripted revelation of me. I thought about it for about 2 days and then I said "if you want to know the kind of person I am, go read this link". I gave her the link of this thread and she read my story. According to her, she was crying when she read through and it kind of helped her understand me more.

I'll finish the story shortly. Just been a bit busy and typing has not been my best suit these days.

Cheers everyone.

@CC Thanks my sista. I must confess, her temperament is one of the things that attracts me to her. I can't be with someone who agrees with everything I say or can't stand up to me. I'd be bored to death. She keeps me on my toes and there's never a dull moment. Even my sisters look at us, shake their heads and smile. Another thing I'm eternally grateful to God for is that there is nothing for me to compare with my late wife. They are so different, it's almost unreal. I asked got for someone that I would never have to compare with my late wife. He has done that. I asked for someone I would have even a better relationship with. Unbelievably, He did that too. About 3 months into our relationship, I told her that her walls would fall and her emotions would come out so strong, she would be embarrassed. I think she thought I was arrogant or cocky at the time, but it was something I just knew. She tried sooooo hard to fight it, but with oga Holy Spirit on my side, how could she prevail. For where? Now, she's growing comfortable with the feeling of being in love and it's a joy just to watch her. Her friends can't believe it. I saw her mom when I went to naija recently and the woman just kept silent, looking at me. I was a bit uncomfortable at that. I thought she didn't like me, until olori told me that she did it on purpose just to see how I would hold up. Me ke? I used 'oshodi' brain for the poor woman and started preaching and quoting bible (it was the only thing I could think of to endure the staring down that I got). Now, the woman and I are best paddies (I hope). I un-officially proposed on the 4th of July (independence day). I'm now scouting for an appropriate ring for the official proposal, which will be in front of all her friends (she doesn't know that yet). I just hope I don't freeze up. Be back with the full story before the end of the day.

Ok, where do I start from. My sister usually throws thanksgiving get-togethers every year. So, here I was at the party having fun. I had to go to work though, so my time was limited. A mutual friend had told me earlier that she had someone she wanted me to meet. Usually, when I hear that, I bolt. Too many near disasters had happened that way (Thank God I didn't sha). The mutual friend and Olori (that's what I call her) came together and we were introduced. There wasn't any explosion or love at 1st sight kind of thingy. It was just a normal introduction of two people. I was running late for work, so I collected her number and promised to call. Later on, she told me that she liked my boldness in asking for her number. She said if I had collected the number from her friend, she would have shut me down, shikena!

I believe I called a week later and it was like magic (I no lie). We spent hours on the phone talking about every nonsensical thing you could think of. That was when I learned she was divorced with a daughter. She had had a very rocky and short-lived marriage and the divorce had been really devastating to her. She had gotten to the point where she believed all men were GOATS! We started out as friends, but it soon became very obvious that it was more than that, but this was where I had a problem. She had vowed never to depend on any man again and never get married (because of her past experience). She had this wall of Jericho around her that was virtually impenetrable. She liked me, no doubt, but she felt that in time, I would change (just like her ex-husband did). My nairaland family, I don't know where the boldness or conviction came from o (from God of course), but within a month, I had told this Lady that she would be my wife, and I didn't care how long it took her to accept that. The lady thought I was crazy o (I thought I was a little cuckoo myself). She would laugh at me and actually felt sorry for me. She would say how much she liked me, but that would be the end of it. There began my journey of toasting o. Recently, I showed her all the txt messages we had sent to each other. She actually cried and had a laughing fit while reading them. The reason I showed her the messages was because she said I got her easy. EASY!!! I have never begged a woman so much in my entire life (Not even my 1st wife).

Back to the story. I started toasting (or something I thought was toasting) and it was not easy o. She's a lawyer by training, so all my oyinbo gesi was not making that much of an impact. So, I stopped 'toasting' and went back to being my old self and we became good friends. As time went on, she 'allowed' me to come visit her at home with her daughter. Her daughter is 6 and we hit it off instantly. There were times when her mom was moody and didn't feel like talking to me, we would just play games and ignore her mom. I think the turning point came when one day, she called me and asked me what I had done to her child. I didn't understand. So she tells me that one of her colleagues from work came on a visit. Her daughter answered the door and promptly closed it. When she asked her why she closed the door on the visitor, her daughter replied that she thought it was me. Since it wasn't me, she wasn't interested. I think that got her in an emotional bind. Me, I just told her that her receipt had already been signed, sealed and delivered by her daughter, so she actually didn't count anymore. It took her a REAL long time to start trusting me. She gets moody and temperamental a lot and I can understand that. Sometimes she vents on me for no apparent reason and I understand that too. Then she comes back crying and apologizing for treating me that way and I really don't get mad at all. I believe she has to be given time to accept the fact that there actually are some good men left in the world. I'll have to stop here. Taking my kids out. I'll be back.

chaircover: What is vexing me is that serubobo wouldnt have spilled the beans if pritgerr hadnt reopend the thread. Jenny can you beleive that he kept us his sisters from another mother out of his good news

Haba. My sisters are kicking against me o. Actually, I was waiting for the right time to say everything. She's in Nigeria right now for 'family consultations' and her father and I had a long talk several days ago. So. I figured the time is right to talk. Does that satisfy you Chaircover?

Ok, people. Unfortunately, I'll have to tell the story in short bursts. It's a bit too long for one go, so please bear with me. I'm really busy at work too, so the extra hours is taking a toll, but it shouldn't take too long. Thanks.

jennykadry: Serubobo spill the news before I vex and leave this thread for good

Haba, Jenny. Why now?

My kids love her. She has a daughter also and I see her as my own child. That is one thing that I never thought was possible. The 3 kids are practically inseparable. Its a nice story that actually brings this whole episode to a nice respectable end. My family love her and she's just a wonderful person. I'll spill the beans very soon, I just had to let everyone know that my prayers have been answered and a new chapter is about to begin in my life.

salsera: Aaaah ...(grabbing a chair and a drink)

By the way Let me claim this for myself too IJN Amen.

Oya, spill

Na wa o. Well. God has been very faithful and it looks like I'm finally getting hitched. No rushing of anything. Taking things nice and easy and SLOW!!! Things are looking very good and I'm truly happy. You know why? NO COMPARISONS WITH MY LATE WIFE.

prittigrrr: I am very, very well. I hope all are fine!

Hmmmmmm.......sounds very interesting. Anything happening we should know about?

salsera: Serubawon
Hows your end -

My end is looking extremely good. I'm happy. Looks like I have a story to tell.

prittigrrr: Howdy

You seem to appear on the scene once a year (or something like that). Howdy yourself and Howz life treating you?

Freesia: Sorry Mr Serubawon we've derailed your post

It was bound to happen sooner or later.

Freesia: Awww Shucks!!! So what happens to people who can't afford generators and Nepa is on strike for weeks on end??

Nepa doesn't need to be on strike. Their mere existence is an absence of electricity.

moremi2008: They suffer in silence, roast in their own body-heat, and sing-along with the mosquitoes. Their lot won't get any better until they realize that they deserve better and go fight for their rights on the streets. Nothing good comes to those who wait in perpetuity.

True!

@moremi2008. Not saying I told you so

Ok. If you say so. I got your back anyway.

moremi2008: All in God's time. In between ladies right now (the last one was a flop Ijebu woman ). I still get ~5yrs before I become a candidate for serious prayer and fasting. There's no rush oh!

Watch it bro, you're about to walk smack into a trap about the wifey thingy. "flop Ijebu woman"........bro, I fear for you right now.

jennykadry: Did you take anti malaria meds before going? I was so stubborn about it cos I hate taking meds. I was the only one that refused to take it, and I was the only that fell seriously sick when we came back .

For 3 solid weeks, there was no power supply from NEPA.

I was even more stubborn about anti-malarial drugs. I must have thought I was invincible. 3 days into my visit I had 'isinu' and looked like I was malnourished. Forget about Nepa. You get tired of generator after a while, especially the noise and not attracting attention to yourself when you use it all night. Traffic nko? Unbelievable. Internet? just forget that one. I didn't browse the internet until I was awaiting my connection in Frankfurt to return to Houston (after my visit o). The disappointment was just too overwhelming for me. However, it is something that has to be done every once in a while. So, how for do?