₦airaland Forum

opeolukoya: @serubawon you are right about the sympathy part in fact sometimes I don't want it cause it brings back memories as for oloris daughter it is well with her ijn I know what it means to have any issues with brain cause my hubby had TBI and was operated on but believe me he was not d same man again he tried to recollect himself back but he dint survive it I pray for Gods healing for her ijn

Thanks. I really don't know if this will help you, but I'll say it knowing that God will give it meaning for you.

When my late wife passed away, I kind of just wanted the whole world to leave me and my kids alone. I got tired of the sorry's and the "it is well" quotes that I got from people. All I could think of was they had no idea what I was going through. Then, a close friend asked me a question that I had no choice but to ponder on it. He asked "Would you prefer her to be here a vegetable that had to be taken care of all the time, or for her to be free and joyful with the Lord". I felt selfish after hearing that. He finalized by saying "If she was given the choice to leave heaven and come back to you, do you think she would do that"? Now I know heaven is a beautiful place that everyone aspires to get to. I'm pretty sure that with all the love we shared, she wouldn't want to leave all that peace and beauty and come back to suffer in this world. So, it made sense that the more I sorrowed down here, the more unhappy I might make her up there. Might seem childish, but it helped me. It took awhile, but i got out of feeling sorry for myself and immersed myself in taking care of my kids. Today, my kids are doing beautifully well and I'm thankful to God for helping me get out of the rut. I'm sure she's happy about that too (don't you think).

The sun will shine again my sister. Take that from a person who's been there before.

egopersonified: Serubawon, welcome back, it is well with your daughter IJN, amen. Thanks for this thread, the day I stumbled on it, I read the whole thing as if my life depended on it, days later I was at my lowest ever, posted here and I dont know, my spirit just became calm. The next morning, I was still in the same circumstance but I found myself happy and singing. The peace of the lord really dwells on this thread, thank you all. RTFM, you are blessed.

And truly, that's the real essence of this thread. The process might be slow, but anything that has to do with emotions and the human psyche needs time. As a yoruba adage goes " A good soup/stew takes time and effort to cook". The Lord will continuously be your sustenance. With Him, you can NEVER go wrong.

@opeolukoya. I'm sure you're tired of hearing the sympathies and condolences, but it's part of the process. As Salsera said, this thread is not a personal thread, but a thread for people to pour out their hearts and seek solace. So RTFM, you're not hijacking this thread. Actually, you're making the thread stronger and in anyway possible, you will find peace as I have. Whenever your heart desires, pour out your thoughts. It really helps. It's been 10 years since my tragedy happened and I am truly grateful to the Almighty for all He has done for me. The emotional pain was terrible and physically palpable. However, it goes away with time as long as you allow God to lead you through the process. There's no specific or perfect way. It's different with every individual, but the end result with God is always the same...Peace and Happiness and there is no better feeling.

@Joy4mi. Thanks for missing? me. I truly appreciate it. How is life with you?

Sorry everyone for being off-post for so long. Olori and I were facing some unexpected challenges that kind of slowed everything down. Her daughter was diagnosed with a brain tumor sometime in early March this year and has since gone through 3 brain surgeries. I went off post because we were spending all our time at the hospital and it was a real drain on our finances, strength and even our faith. I made up my mind not to post anything until we could see positive recovery in her condition. She lost control of her right side, especially her leg, arm and right eye and this put immense stress on Olori, myself and our relationship. To God be the glory, her daughter is improving everyday. For the 1st month or so, she couldn't talk or walk and had to start occupational and speech therapy. Now, she has regained her speech and is walking again.

Olori's parents are actually in the US with us right now, giving all the support you can think of. It's been harrowing, but I believe that our relationship has become even stronger than ever. We put our marriage plans on hold until our daughter is strong enough to be a part of everything. She's too weak for that now and her rehabilitation is expected to take at least a year.

I see a lot has been going on here and I'm really happy that the thread did not die off because of my absence. I'm personally happy because this thread is meant to be a blessing and a place of solace for those that need it.

RTFM, please accept my deepest sympathies. I know exactly what you're going through and how painful and depressing it can be. I am here for you brother if you need anything. As I've said earlier on, it might seem like the end of the world right now, but the Lord is smiling on you and in time, you'll realize that yourself. Thanks everyone for the encouraging messages to RTFM. You have no idea the positive and soothing effect it has on him in this time in his life.

Salsera, I am replying your email today. Sorry it took so long.

Happy New Year everyone!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!

flakky legend: Yes its dedication I wish I dedicate such time to other things also . I am one emotional smthn Stories like this inspire me. After reading the thread it was time for my morning prayers. I wanted to ask God for so many thing but couldn't find the words i was thanking God just saying alhamdulillahi.

My friend lost her husband 3 yrs ago I was in my mid twenties so you can imagine hw old my friend could be. she was 31 with 3 kids, 4, 2 and 6 months old. she was not working and they were not even so comfortable when the husband was alive. But she was stong i'v neva met any1 stonger. she started by making liquid soap and selling. I introduced her to pple in my work place and they were buying they all knew her story. she strived so hard. later rented a building and started a soap making factory. Tried to get NAFDAC number but Nigeria factor she didnt get it after spending so much money. still she stayed strong. Had problems with inlaws and so on. She gave me strenght I just admired her and supported her all the way ppl thnk we own the factory together but i dnt get a dime from it. she made sure her kids went to a good schl. Just recently she got a job as lecturer in one of the federal institutions she had to close the factory cos it was in another city. few weeks ago she got married again. About 2 months ago NAFDAC no came out. God can indeed turn thing around when we least expect it.

Yes, God is wonderful and when He comes through for you, it's like a dream.

[quote author=Efemena_xy]All right then, I'll leave it be.

No hard feelings.[/quote]That's why you're beautiful with a big heart. Thanks Efe.

C'mon you guys. Don't start a fight here too. This is supposed to be the fun house for Pete's sake. RR, where you dey now? Fire wan engulf your house, you no talk.

[quote author=Efemena_xy]Better late than never but wishing you all a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year too - most especially (in no particular order...)

JennyK, Osisi, Taryour, Debrief, Kulyie, YPP, Chilli, CC, , IfyAlways, Ile, SisiKill, Dayokanu, Coogar, Ihedinobi, Tgirl, RR, LerryJohn, AlaCont, Zeb, CDamsel, SoulGlo, Serub, Bellong, Sagamite...and everyone else...

Forgive me if I've omitted your name(s), t'is not intentional...now back to the festivities [/quote]Merry Christmas jare. Festivities in high gear. Have to resume work tomorrow. Proper kill joy, but man must survive o.

FANTASTIC THREAD!!! As usual, I'm always joining late into the discussion and I haven't figured that one out yet.

@Babymama. Wonderful insight and I really have some things to contribute (just need to get my sorry butt away from work, work, work).

This thread is going to be one of the "forever threads "

cdamsel: no b we tell u to ddey different time zone na

Thank you feri, feri much. Na you sabi. Merry Christmas anyway

Na wa o. Everyone don dey talk merry Christmas and its still just past 9 pm here. What the heck, Merry Christmas everyone!!!

flakky legend: yes I did it . stumbled on this tread today and I read the whole 30 pages. so inspiring stories i couldnt stop reading. Tried watching a movie but my mind kept coming back to d tread. had to pause the movie. Its 5am in the morning I have to get some sleep now. Merry christmas to everyone

Wow. 30 pages in one day. That's dedication. Hope you enjoyed the thread. It's still 5:30 pm over here, but what the heck. Merry Christmas everyone!

bellong: @Serubawon,

All glory to God for the grace to pull through it. May His light continue to shine in your paths...

My personal paddy. Thanks. How's the family? No snow here, but it's cold o. Heater on 24/7.

4tunebest: I feel like singing :

Ija dopin ogun sitan
Olugbala jagun m'olu
Orin ayo
La o ma ko
Halleluyah!!

Affliction shall not rise the second time in Jesus name. You and Olori, E ma ba ara yin kale l'oruko Jesu.

Merry Christmas in advance sir

Thank you pupo, pupo. I love that song.

Today marks nine years that I lost a wonderful friend. The Lord has been magnificent to my kids and I and to top it up, He gave me an even more special friend. I'm divinely blessed because not all men who have had the same experience, can say the same.

I thank the Lord for my kids, the memory of my departed friend and the presence of Olori, who has brought love the second time around. Happy holidays everyone!

I salute the house. One of the reasons I don't look forward to Christmas is wrapping Christmas presents. My body aches, my hands ache, everywhere aches. I'm sure I tore up enough wrapping paper to wrap round a whole house 5 times over. All for what? Every one tears them off immediately they get the presents. Why did I go through the torture in the first place? Compliments of the season everyone.

prittigrrr: .
Serubawon, things are better than I ever dreamed they could be! My hubby and I are very happy. I wish the same and more for you and your bride!

Wooow!!! Who says good things don't happen to good people. Well, I would just like to say I'm truly happy for you and I'm glad you made us part of your happy story. Wish you and your hubby the very best.

I troway salute to the house o. This time difference wahala. I'm always arriving when everyone is asleep

Not one to come to a party empty handed:

@salsera. May the Lord enlarge your coasts and increase your days. Favor and joy shall forever be your portion. Men shall line up to ask for your hand in marriage and the Lord shall grant you the wisdom to choose the righ one HBD!!!

@bellong. Wishing your son a HBD and many more fruitful days and years ahead. The Lord shall grant him wisdom beyond his years and he shall continuously bring joy to your home, Amen!

bellong: Good Morning everybody....

Enjoy this Yoruba Carol song performed by the Tabernacle choir, Mormon Church...USA...

Melodious and Sweet to the ears...


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N9gXWuqZcNw

@bellong. How dem know say no be abuse dem dy abuse themselves? Are you sure that all those women are not married to the same man. These people get as e be o.

mysticgal: the guy was laughing with nobody,so i decided to help him check his mental state.

Ouch!!!

prittigrrr: This thread is still going strong! Praise God for you brother Serubawon! For all the inspiration you've given, God has rewarded you. Stay blessed and for those still waiting, delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. For those who are brokenhearted, remember He came to bind up the brokenhearted and to set at liberty them that are bruised. He is the God of all comfort. At my lowest times, these things gave me hope and now hope has been fulfilled. I rejoice with you all in hope of the good things to come. In Jesus' precious name, be encouraged. Amen.

Wow....she shows up again! Well, it's nice to hear from you again. Hope you're doing very well

Tachere: . Thanx Serubawon bt dis name, mk we strt to dey run?

No worry. What is in a name? Na bembe scout for woman when I still dey school, na im give me name o. No cause for alarm. I am now older with creaking knees and the fear of God dey my heart. Also, Olori is lurking somewhere in the shadows with a chainsaw, ready to do business on me if I ever misbehave.

Welcome to the house Tachere. Tread carefully and you shall overcome (just kidding). Just have fun and you'll gradually get into the groove.

chaircover: No Vex! We are busy Christmas shopping and doing brazillian hair

Please just manage this sandwich first

CC. Is that sandwich food or punishment for someone. Just looking at that sandwich gives me nightmares.

taryour: Very well said egbon. I really do admire all your post on thay thread adjusting to life. I have learnt a whole lot from it. And a big congrats to you on your upcoming wedding,very happy for you egbon. Abeg no forget to give me small contract o make me sef chop small out of your big money (covers face and runs out).

Thank you plenty, plenty. Na prayer for plenty money you dey pray for me so. I receive it IJN o.

sunshinemie: @Serubawon, sir I'm indeed grateful unto God for ur life nd dat of ur wonderful chldrn. Dis thread has really done wonders in my life alrdy by givin mi an assurance dat dre is hope no matter wat must hav happend in ones life. God bless d beautiful wman dat has brought lite again into u guys lives. Wishin u fulfilmnt in dis new hme u re abt to strt. Sir continue to pray for mi cox I desire to remarry. Bin alone is hurtful u knw dat. God bless u al[color=#770077][/color]

Thank you for the compliments and prayers. They always mean a lot to me. The Lord we serve will never put us to shame IJN. You said that being alone is hurtful and that you desire to remarry. Would you mind telling your story? I have learnt that one of the first steps to healing is to cast your burden unto Jesus. He is the only one that heals a broken heart. When I told my story on this thread 7 years ago, little did I know that the comments of the posters here would start a healing process that would help me begin to move on with my life instead of wallowing in mourning and self pity.

If it worked for me, I pray that it will work for you also. I sincerely look forward to hearing your story.

zeb04: . It refershing to know dat there are still people who wait til marriage and ve very good sex life. Now everyone is on a fast lane and it looks old fashioned. Uncle seru God wil bless your new marriage and grant you all long life. Everyday wil be a testimony for you

Thank you very much. I really appreciate that.

I truly don't understand why I never find the wonderful threads like this one before they're a dozen pages into the game. Well, I guess it's better late than never.

Marriage is a beautiful thing and was created to last a lifetime. Unfortunately, a lot of people (young and old) tend to look forward to a romantic love story, which usually never happens. Put bluntly, marriage is like going to university or college. You strive to get into it. You enter it with a lot of awe and expectations and then reality sets in. If you don't study, you can't pass. The more effort you put into studying your course materials, the more prepared you are for the exams that definitely show up. Marriage is the same. You study, understand, adapt and it becomes more and more easier to relate with this person that you plan to spend the rest of your life with.

My 1st year of marriage wasn't perfect, but I wasn't expecting it to be so. She was beautiful, educated, independent and extremely smart. We courted for 3 years before we got married (that doesn't mean I'm endorsing long courtships). However, for the 1st time in my life, I made up my mind not to have s3x with my partner and it really helped us get to know each other without s3x being a big distraction. When we got married, I was so terrified that we might not be compatible s3xually because she was a virgin and I was the worst of the worst who had done almost everything under the sun. It was never a problem. We were made for each other and s3x was awesome. Most importantly, we were friends and could talk about anything. This helped us in averting the usual relationship strains because we could talk about them and iron things out. Being patient is maybe the most important part of a marriage, because no one is perfect. The 1st year was good, the 2nd year was better, the 3rd and 4th years were great and the 5th year was awesome. I'm pretty sure the 6th and remaining years would have been blissful, but unfortunately, she passed on to glory during the 6th year after a brief illness and the fairy tale came to an abrupt end. That was in 2004

I kind of lost all motivation for relationships after that. I have 2 wonderful kids from her and they are my soul and joy....the reason I live. I have a thread that details my experiences as a widower - https://www.nairaland.com/20511/adjusting-life-widower. I've also contributed on various threads on how wonderful my marriage was (https://www.nairaland.com/2598/tell-us-marriage/20).

Now, here I am...9 years later and I've finally found the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. She's a survivor of a bad marriage and really messed up divorce. I guess God needed me to experience what a wonderful marriage can be like and then brought me in contact with a woman who never experienced one. She's like a wounded lion that has to be patiently brought back to recovery and I'm blessed to be the one to show her that happy marriages truly exist. The patience I've gained all through these years serves me so well now and we will be married early next year. I never thought that I would even feel love for another woman, but here I am 9 years later (a pretty long time to be prepared don't you think?).

All things work together for good, to them that love God and are called according to His purpose. I truly believe that and I've been given a second chance and I want to prove the pessimists wrong. Miracles can happen twice and you can actually have a wonderful marriage - twice in a row.

It takes a lot of patience and a lot of understanding (and love makes it a lot sweeter). I pray we all experience the joy of marriage.

alutacontinua: Am i the only one that hates this 'disown' story by Naija parents?

The failure of your child is your failure, SHIKENA!


If you raised a murderer, you should be the first beneficiary of your work!

If you raised a stu*id child, reap the fruits of your labour!

SIMPLE!

Some children are taught well but don't listen. The process of bringing up kids is not just about discipline. It takes a whole lot of prayer to make sure your well taught children don't become influenced negatively from peer pressure and all kinds of things happening with kids nowadays.