₦airaland Forum

From Jericho to Nigeria?

Bashiru is a muslim/Hausa and there are no Muslims in Jericho. So, he's an immigrant from Nigeria.

And where did Bashiru's fiancee now disappear to?

She fled during the crisis and broke up with him. I feel I wrote that somewhere in the story.

And how does a 19 yr old propose to solve a political problem that has taken the almighty USA years to resolve?

The message: A 19 year old with honest intentions and a sharp mind can outperform any dishonest politician.

Is it realistic that Mary chooses to run away and refuses to travel abroad with her parents?

That is the Mary for you. She values freedom more than security, and always trusts her own judgement.

How come she feels ok with the fact that an ex-girlfriend of her fiance is living with her fiance

Of course she does not, but I've not written about that part yet! I will write that part of the story soon.

IMHO revamp the whole story line (is it really a story?) and come up with another one entirely.

Come on, man. Instead of throwing my important story away, I can just eliminate the inconsistencies.

More, more, more comments, thanks! Are there any other inconsistencies? Please let us know!

izoneb: In the last scene, Mary just wants to have sex, so Bashiru runs to get the condoms. A joke!

Lokoluv: https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-25455.0.html

kimba: ouch, ouch, ouch, even if it's not excellent this story can't possibly be that bad! Points taken though.

popsonj: thanks.

favourwal: Moral of the story is that people should pursue their dreams and trust their own minds. And it also gives us an idea of what makes mob violence a recurring problem in our society.

davidylan: confusing, offensive, poor? Ouch! How can I improve the story? Thanks in advance!

I think the love story is dry compared to other movies, so I'll try to sweeten it. I'll try to show how Bashiru fell in love with Mary. Just being together breeds attraction, but people want more than that in a movie. Even if all that caused Bashiru to want to marry Mary is her living with him, that only shows that Bashiru is imperfect.

More comments and review, please. Make my day with fair and helpful critiques please!

Please, guys, drop your comments!

interesting stuff. nothing else like this story.

Thanks for the encouraging compliment! And there are so many ways to improve it.

posting your ideas on line. Someone just might borrow your story and make own of it.

Why a fresh story idea posted online will probably not be stolen:
- There are lots of proven story ideas in bestselling movies and novels. Why invest in an unproven idea?
- If you can turn a mere idea into a script, and then a movie, you'll probably have many ideas of your own.

I know that today is a Sunday, but, does nobody want to read my story?

Did you know that the economy of Germany was the best during the reign of Hitler?

No, it was not the best during the reign of Hitler.

And did you know that the Nigerian economy fared better during the reign of the evil genius IBB than after him?

No, the Nigerian economy didn't fare better during IBB's looting spree.

It's amazing the things people say just because they want to justify their religious beliefs.

How do you see the following story outline? I want to use it as the basis for a movie:
• The hidden African state of Jericho is underdeveloped; corruption everywhere.
• Hebrews live in the north of the country, and Christians in the south.
• The Hebrews want to implement the Law of Moses, which offends Christians.
• From time to time, there are outbreaks of religious violence and people die.
• Mary Abraham, an only child, and her parents, are celebrating her 18th birthday.
• As a gift, her parents announce that the family is traveling abroad for a better life.
• Mary breaks into a long tearful monologue about parents not letting her be herself.
• The puzzled parents scold her, insisting that she’ll appreciate them when she’s older.
• Mary apologizes, and then gets lost in thought as parents continue talking.
• Mary and her parents go to the airport and board the outbound plane together.
• On board, the parents discover that Mary is missing, alas.
• Mary wanders aimlessly then goes to visit Bashiru, and old cyber-friend of hers.
• After staying there for a long time, Bashiru asks if she won’t be leaving.
• Mary explains that she has no-where to go, and defends her decision to escape.
• Bashiru tells her that she can live with him and pay by helping out in the house.
• Mary refuses that deal because she hates housework, surprising Bashiru.
• She offers to pay Bashiru a proper rent if he supports her Internet business idea.
• Bashiru says ok, he’ll cook and clean while she works, and she’ll repay him later.
• He tells Mary’s parents about the situation, but they refuse to speak to her.
• She works, and she works, works some more, then works again, day and night.
• One year later, Mary’s website is the most profitable website in Jericho.
• In another year, it becomes the most profitable website in Africa.
• But she’s reluctant to move out of Bashiru’s place, hire employees, or sell out.
• On day, they laugh as Mary makes Bashiru’s picture say ridiculous things.
• Bashiru thinks the time is right, so he asks Mary, “Will you marry me?”
• Mary says she’ll never marry anyone else, but she might never marry.
• Suddenly, there’s a lot of commotion in the neighborhood.
• Some Christians on the street were killed by Hebrews over Middle East events.
• Mary and Bashiru rush out to see a neighbor weeping over her dead child.
• Bashiru stops Mary from rebuking some passers-by who recommend retaliation.
• Back at home, they discuss the issue of religious violence in depth.
• Mary says she can solve the problem, but lacks time and motivation.
• “You can delegate your current duties, so you’ll have more time” he suggests.
• Mary remains reluctant to hire any employees: she doesn’t trust people.
• As long as Christians don’t retaliate and kill Hebrews, no action is needed.
• Bashiru decides to drop the marriage issue.
• Soon, Mary turns 21, so Bashiru and web-friends organize a party for her.
• She tells everyone, “I’m selling my website to foreign investors this week!”
• They are shocked, so she explains that she’s going into ‘commercial’ philanthropy.
• She can make money while doing a lot of good things for the underprivileged.
• Bashiru says, “I have a nice surprise for you” and escorts everyone out.
• On their way out, Mary receives a call on her phone: her parents!
• They are lukewarm about her success and disagree with all her decisions.
• Mary wonders if that’s the “nice” surprise; Bashiru says, “You’ll see”.
• Bashiru shows her the other surprise: a motorbike, just what she wants!
• Motorbikes are more flexible and economical, she explains to puzzled guests.
• Mary jumps to hug him, says, “That’s why I love you”, and they test-ride it.
• When they are alone, Bashiru asks what she means by “loving” him.
• She is reluctant to respond, so he asks about her business plans instead.
• Excited, Mary describes the nomadic life of commercial philanthropy she wants.
• She wants to go from town to town solving problems by creating businesses.
• Bashiru is disappointed but not surprised, so he fully supports her dream.
• He also knows that she’s researched the security issue very well.
• Mary wakes Bashiru up the following morning to say she’s setting off.
• Bashiru is hardly awake when she rides off on the new motorbike.
• As he stumbles toward the main road, he sees Mary riding back towards him.
• Mary says, “The sooner I leave, the sooner I’ll return”, smiles, and leaves.
• Bashiru waves, walks back into his flat where he sees a check.
• A note attached says it’s from Mary, as payment for his generous accommodation.
• Bashiru tears up the check, wondering why she is so happy to leave.
• Mary is welcomed by a small crowd in each community she visits.
• She launches various self-sustaining i.e. profitable community projects.
• One time, a drunken man attempts to assault her and gets pepper sprayed.
• Another time, she’s caught among Hebrew rioters and has to outrun them.
• Later on, she’s chased by armed men in a car and has to ride to safety.
• From time to time, she calls Bashiru to tell him about her exploits.
• Bashiru dates other women, and one day he tells Mary about his fiancée.
• The next morning, she shows up at his doorstep.
• It’s not because he’s engaged, but because Christian rioters finally retaliated.
• Hebrews killed Christians over the Law of Moses so some Christians killed Hebrews.
• Mary wants to set up a private defense network using Bashiru’s home as base.
• There are more suitable venues, but she values Bashiru’s loyal support and food.
• Bashiru’s fiancée thinks the project is over-ambitious, but stays to monitor Mary.
• When 2 other friends of Mary are called to join the peace project, she leaves.
• Mary is convinced that mob violence stems from lack of accountability.
• With thousands of spy cameras in citizens’ hands, convictions will be possible.
• Mary educates TV viewers on “camera vigilance” and imports cheap cameras.
• People/companies buy the cameras, and many religious rioters are caught.
• There is uneasy calm for a while.
• Eventually, Hebrew politicians lose the battle to install the Law of Moses.
• Popular Rabbis declare Jericho as the “Egypt of our time” and call for a Passover.
• The firstborn of all the Christians must be killed at a certain time next month.
• “Jehovah is the Lord of battle”. “Jericho is just like Sodom and Gomorrah!”
• Christian leaders, sensing danger, encourage their followers to fight back.
• This new threat is too big to be contained by Mary’s current policy.
• Because of the danger it posed, corporations start sending money to Mary.
• Bashiru asks if Mary won’t like to travel out and maybe join her parents.
• Mary says she can’t just run away because she has many friends in Jericho.
• The other team members decide to stick with her and avert the bloodshed.
• But how are they to stop a planned genocide of such a large scale?
• They print peace tracts and distribute them to Hebrews and Christians.
• They distribute peace messages for broadcast on Radio and TV.
• They call for the arrest of war-mongering rabbis, but the government is scared.
• The government offers them some money for the effort, but Mary rejects it.
• Government officials start going on ‘vacation’ as people flee from Jericho.
• The peace team is attacked by a Hebrew mob but escapes and goes into hiding.
• Hebrew mobs start attacking their media partners and publishing houses.
• Team members start doubting the mission, so Mary gives them emigration money.
• Bashiru’s fiancée also calls him to say she’s leaving the country and dumping him.
• Bashiru is also out of ideas, but he’ll support Mary while she solves the problem.
• The night of destruction draws nearer as Mary struggles to find a solution.
• A week the day of bloodshed, Mary wakes up with the answer. Eureka!
• She whispers it into Bashiru’s ear and his face brightens.
• Will the solution be ready in time? Mary starts work on her computer.
• Bashiru rides off on Mary’s motorbike to meet with various broadcasters.
• Mary calls Bashiru after “finishing the job”, and he asks her to “connect me”.
• Mary switches on her TV where there’s a “Passover countdown” running.
• On her PC, there’s a dialog box says, “sending, 50% complete” and counting.
• In the background, she hears gunshots, chants, screams, people shutting doors.
• 5 seconds to the ‘Passover’ moment, Mary’s file sending is only 90% complete.
• Mary asks Bashiru to “start talking now!” and he appears on the TV screen.
• “Special announcement from the Rabbi council. The Passover has been called off!”
• “In a few moments, I am going to show you a video telecast of the event”
• Eventually, Mary’s computer indicates that “sending is now complete”.
• A Rabbi appears on screen and corroborates the report, with detailed reasons.
• This message is being broadcast on every TV and radio station in the country.
• Several other leading Rabbis appear on the screen to make similar statements.
• The Passover declaration was made under “psychological coercion” by terrorists.
• This video, combined with the initial peace efforts, is sufficient to bring peace.
• The violence in Jericho stops and the bad Rabbis are handed over to the police.
• They deny knowledge of the last video, but nobody believes them.
• Mary, now recognized by politicians, is offered a political post, but declines.
• She preaches to the nation about self-dependence and rationality.
• Back at home, Bashiru and Mary are celebrating when she receives a call.
• Her dad has heard about her accomplishments; he’s happy that she is ok.
• Mary asks Bashiru if all from Nigerian immigrants are as nice as he is.
• Bashiru starts to talk to Mary about his love for her, marriage, etc.
• Mary doesn’t know about that, but wants to have sex. “What? Really?”
• Bashiru should get a condom before she changes her mind, Mary suggests.
• An excited Bashiru rushes out, shouting: “Mr. Chemist, I need condoms!”
• The End. Thanks.