₦airaland Forum

Adufemi: Thanks all, I have thot of a temporary seperation, I ha
thanks for your suggestion, I have thought about the temporary seperation, I have even talked to him about it, if he feels it will help him sort his feelings out, he knows I dnt have have the guts am not sure ill be able to cope emotionally, who will be my friend? Who will love me? I love him way too much, I hate loving him that much, at the same time I dont want his ex to take advantage of the space. Yes I want my kids to grow with a father and also in a happy home, I grew up in one, but he grew up in a dysfunctional home, his father hits his mum. Am thinking he is a victim too, its a cycle. Ihave 2 boys I dnt wnt them to think its ok to hit their wives or grow up in a dysfunctional home. I desperately want to be happy but my happiness is tied to him(I know its unhealthy) but I cant help it
Ive discussed with his family but as i said earlier its dtsfunctional so no big deal to a husband hitting his wife if she is wrong, he doesnt speak to my parents anymore.

My husband was my best and only friend then and I was his best and only friend too(he cut off all friends
cos of the mockery when he asked for financial help) even tho we were financially strained we will take a
drive to allen, to the island just for sightseeing, (we cldnt afford a proper date) He loved me soo much and I
loved him with my whole life, I cld sacrifice my life for him without blinking an eye
This fateful day came and he called me at work crying that he will be sacked cos of some financial
misappropriation or so, I quickly called my dad and even tho he didnt have lots f money he sent his last
money and all the little money I saved I sent to him to sort out the issue. The matter came to a head when a
certain amount of money was paid to all the staff in d organisation and he was given half of his entitlement
only.
He was so broken, it was a friday we decided to go for all night prayers in our church, we did, handed
everytin to God and we were at peace.
Lest I forget at that point we had rented a house, we got the money by engaging in this Ajo (monthly
contribution) both of us contributed 50/50. It was the happiest period of my life cos even tho we were
financially strained, we were both in love and happy. I trusted him Totally. We had our ups and downs . He
says I talk when he talks and he hates it but I always apologise and we settle it
we gradually started overcomimg our financial difficulties, I got promoted he landed a big customer, we
were no longer in debt and comfortable. Oh how I love my life den. It was my husbands bday and I wanted
to do something special, so I organised a surprise bday for him, it was a sitting room affair but lovely; as I
said earlier he dint have friends anymore so it was just colleagues and family affair
4 weeks after he beat me up for the first time; why? Because I was upset with him cos he was getting
reckless financially, ive been working for so long I cldnt buy myself a decent cloth or shoe and my husband
was always shopping online for new shoes, new clothes etc when I was still buying our son first grade
okrika from yaba all out of pocket, I cant bear to see my son suffer so I get him things he needs and stuffs
he has lacked, and was still contributing to the family savings and still contributing to feeding allowance
50/50. What I had left was just enought to cover transport fare and occasional lunch, I was so upset and let
him know my mind.( saved for his bday) he beat me up becos of that, but atleast he got a bicycle I have
been saving up to get for my son. The following day he bought me a new phone and asked for forgiveness, I
forgave and moved on.
He suddenly changed, I started seeing all sorts of msges on his phone but I turned a blindeye, I was still in
denial, cos I neva eva thot my husband will do such to me after all we have gone thru together.
The 2nd time he beat me was for eggs; we had
just given birth to our 2nd baby and I was constantly tired (was later diagnosed of a medical condition that
caused the tiredness) I went for a friends wedding and I made sure evrywia was neat and tidy but he
wanted to pick a fight with me at all cost ( cos I was upset he got home late, he started getting home
11:30, 12 midnight constantly ) I got back from the wedding, and he started shouting that the house was
untidy, I apologised and started cleaning (fot peace sake, the house was really neat; we had a maid, I hate
an untidy house Nd he knows that) as I was cleaning he brought the matress in our bedroom up and started
cleaning under the bed all the while insulting me. I kept quiet but was deeply hurt, I was also cooking and
he told me he wnt eat my food that d maid shld fry eggs for him, I took the eggs and kept it cos I bought it,
buy most tins and he doesnt appreciate it, I was trying to get his attention but I was doing it the wrong way,
I knew I was wrong but dint care cos I was tired of his attitude, he beat me up in front of d children, maid
and bro in law. He beat me and kicked me around, I had issues breathing for a long time, I had to call my
parent (the first time he beat me I cldnt tell anyone I was ashamed) I thot I was going to die cos I needed to
get to the hospital and I dint know who else to call, my mum started crying and my dad called my sis
husband to come and pik me, take me to the hospital. It was raining so heavily he cldnt come, oh how I
thot I was going to die on that day. I said a lots of things that day that I regret, in terms of insults, curses
and all that was after the beating, I wasnt in my right frame of mind, I apologised to him, he apologised to
me and we made up. Since that day he hates my parents because they dint support him for beating up their
daughter
He started having an affair with his exgirlfriend before the 2nd beating and that made him change, I had to
beg for sex sumtimes a month goes by without sex. Am a very attractive lady, I still weighed 59kg I
weighed b4 I started having kids, I looked good and took care of myself, it had nothing to do with my looks.
He took his first trip abroad , I wanted to go with him but he refused, i discovered he went on the trip with
the exgirlfriend, when I went to pick him up at the arrival section of the airport, he thot I will wait in the car,
but as I said earlier I looked good and was able to charm my way into the arrivals, he was shocked wen he
saw me there and screamed at me to get out in front of everybody, it was embarrassing, he dint wnt me to
see d girl but I had sighted her
He took the 2nd trip and went with same girl, refused to go wiv me , I lost my job during dse time,
diagnosed of an hard to treat illness that altered.my looks (made my eyes bulge, skin thick and black) and
hormones, messed up with my self esteem, I travelled abroad too to buy goods to sell he gave me some
money to assist added with my entitlements thats what I manage now.
Now he gets home constantly at 12 midnight or later, I saw a message on his phone where he was telling
the lady that she is his wife and all, he regrets being with me blah blah blah he told me to my face that he
dislikes my family and does not regret the affair, no apologies nufin. Its constant grief now, he barely talks
to me now, whatever issues he raises e.g I talk when he talks, I stop. He gives me boundaries and rules I
abide by them only for him to make new ones, if he is going out he doesnt tell me wia he goes to, he has
loads of friends that I dont even know , he stopped wearing his wedding ring, sex has totally stopped, he
says all sort of hateful things to me, he tells me all d time that he feeds me so I shldnt question his
movement or anything, he is into new businesses I dnt know anytin about he refuses to share tins with me
cos he says am badluck, he doesnt go out wiv me at alllll anymore, he treats me with disdain, doesnt eat,
doesnt sleep in the bedroom we shar.e. Av tried everything humanly possible, I still love him totally, I love
my children and do not want them to grow up in a broken home. He throws to my face constantly that its
becos I dnt have a job thats why I have time for nonsense (he calls my efforts at working on the marriage
nonsense).This morning I suggested marriage counselling, he insulted the living day out of me, he says all
d time I shld work on myself without being explicit, I dnt know what am doing wrong, I used to be a
confident happy wife wife and mum. Now my self esteem is wrecked, my dignity and my health, am
hypertensive now coupled with the health probs I mentioned earlier. He told me he cannot remember
anything good about the marriage, I asked him why he dint marry his ex instead of coming to me, he said
he was too young ans he regrets it. I have read every self help book, marriage book tried everything I know
or read. I dnt want the marriage to break up, and at the same time if I keep on like this I will break down
emotionally, depression is already setting in.
I am sorry for all the epistle , I need to pour my mind out, maybe the pain in my heart will lessen, house am
not saying I am perfect, I am not at all but one thing I know am not is proud or selfish. I can be rude when
am frustrated but that was when I was younger, I always apologise and we always settle. We both grew up
in this marriage we learnt everyday, I have invested too mch in this marriage in terms of emotions I am
rambling again, I aPologise. sorry for the typos I typed with ma phone

forgotusername: @rolling fella
Thankyou so much for a quick response. Let us just say that we are way past the stage for reconciliation advice and trying to save a marriage. It is a marriage that should never have taken place, and i have made peace with it but for the sake of my beautiful kids divorce is the only option. The deceit and infidelity make it very difficult to negotiate staying any further.

So no offence I would really like to hear from those who have experienced what i am going through.

malikmoreni: [size=28pt]ASHO EBI??, STUPID WASTE OF PRECIOUS CASH [/size]

[size=28pt]ONLY STUPID PEOPLE BUY ASHO EBI,,,MOSTLY [/size]



NB: HighLight to See Hidden Text

Amusaopeyemi: Wetin make tiwa come do?

Tashamania: @4th picture, the lady with Eniola in the pix. Black lipstick? Really? Is that the latest now? Been seeing few girls on it

Obiagelli: This is bad, bad, bad, in fact the worst case scenario. Pdp states are always clueless, i hope they have decent facilities there. God help us.

Let's not forget the pdp minister that told us he has vaccines for ebola in April.

www.nairaland.com/1851308/gejs-incompetence-kill-us-all

Oya gej carry TAN rally to kadunna

TV01: ...sup' Nash,

I'm a big believer in men taking responsibility.


How did it get to "introduction" without him being sure she was committed?

Female hypergamy in full view. The old "just go with your heart", even if it means dumping him at the altar. Men should know themselves and who they want to wife. She was never really committed as such, just keeping her options open.

In fact, he was probably down the pecking order and someone higher up started to come through for her - if she didn't actually use him to ginger a/the senior boyfriend along .

The best revenge?. Get successful, get a better woman. He should be less bothered about losing her. If he doesn't step up, his chances of making a great match will increasingly diminish.

Sorry eh! Life is tough. No change, no time. Quit yourself like a man.


TV

cococandy: Some guys mistake potential to be plans or dreams. Hence a graduate young man hoping to get a job at Shell while doing some unfulfiling job will think he has potential because he's educated and has big dreams.

Potential is the guy who turns lemon into lemonade.

He's focused and doesn't waste his time regaling the babe with his 'plans' for the future.

He's calculative.
The guy who didn't get a job when he left school but his shop that he started with 200k is worth millions now because he doesn't mind traveling to the north or to Togo to buy goods cheaper and doesn't mind driving a keke napep to deliver his goods to his clients on time. Thereby creating a huge customer base and more success from his little capital.

Potential is not by mouth.
If you're driven,it won't be a secret.

mankand: Dude what have i said that is brainless in the post?

INNOisBACK: Yet some people claim Chime only beautify's Enugu city! I wish this guy could go for a 3rd term, or better still wawa peeps could lend him to us here in Anambra where propaganda is the order of the day!

egift: [s]What truth? Him brandishing his hate and bigotry? It will be shameful and insulting to you dignity as a Nigerian, if you support such bare ethic bashing without any provocation[/s].

mankand: [s]Bad Idea, when Lagos still import Pine Apple from Republic of Benin, he should rather focus on feeding Nigeria first before exporting[/s].

uch12: Mr Godswill doing uncommons since 0001BC. Very rugged governor, u done great!


Akwa ibom ayaya ooo
Godswill Akpabio Ezeomeogo (confirmed)

peppyluv02: Bed time stories..no be only BH him dey sponsor,he also sponsors alqaeda.. Useless people

EnlightenedSoul: My brain was near shutdown after a long day, so I gravitated towards the pictures. Perhaps you'll find my subsequent post more to your liking

EnlightenedSoul: Shine your star. I didn't justify squat.

@bananabender You should really tell me what I meant to say

bigt2: This is why married men shouldnt be besties. Leave it for the singles . Thanks.

EnlightenedSoul: I have no idea OP, I'm afraid I got lost halfway through your post, but if the gal is a "serial wife" then she sure knows how to pick 'em cuz those guys are kinda ]hot.

Godmystrength: interested

helen4: @shizzlestar. more now. please our guru.