well the most important person (your husband) said you shouldnt bother,then let it alone.
Do not try to out-doyourself to please them.Just continue to be yourself,nice,respectful and still firm.

Are you in good terms with his parents?If you are,good for.If not,work on developing your relationship with them.

My dear you are not the only one,most mothers are in the same shoe.Like y/day was so tiring for me that i only remembered this morning that my daugher's school assignment had not been done.We were running late so i quickly took the crayon,coloured the pictures in the best baby-like way i could muster and put it back in her bag ;
I've just finished making fried rice for breakfast tomorrow.
Also about to arrange their uniforms before i go to bed.Try to do as much as you can b4 you go to bed.
If your kids are old enough then involve them as much as you can.
I also try to give them more of cereals like golden morn,cornflakes,oka-baba or bread tea and eggs for breakfast as these ones dont take much time to make.
As per stews and soups,i cook enough during the weekend and put in the fridge/freezer so i dont have to cook another during the week.

It never ceases to amaze me the extent of human's capacity for evil

Girl your post is kinda confusing to me This one is a headscratcher!!!!!!!!!!!!!
However if i get u right you love your childhood guy but you have done traditional wedding with another guy?

I know that in certain cultures, traditional wedding is sufficient for you to be called someone's wife,particularly where dowry has been paid.So if you're thinking of leaving the second guy you need to first of all confirm if you'll have to go about legal steps.

However as per helping you to decide on who to marry,it is something that NL FORUM cannot help you do.Pastors and counsellors have talked but for you to still be confused means you truly wish you could fly away with your childhood love.
None of us know the future so we can truly not say who among them will be good for you eventually.
Think carefully,prayerfully and work with your intuition.I feel deep down you do not trust this your childhood love and are fearful of not regretting later in future if you do take him.
It is well.

Your husband is 100% spot on.
Women love a provider and where he does not have the present means of doing that BUT is making an effort and his wife can see that, she is encouraged.
[quote author=ifyalways link
That guy still dey get food chop,stay warm etc thats why dat pride is still alive!what benefit is cert and status when the stomache is hungry?some ppl and their very annoying ego and pride sef,i cant imagine what the woman wud be going through now,anything she does or say now wud be analyzed as;the chips are down and the respect is gone.

very true.

@op, abeg by the mercy of GOD leave the poor girl alone,GOD will give her a man that truly deserves her.

I say this for those times when there is no NL forum to bring you to your senses,are you sure you will not betray her again?
I disagree with those telling you to confess to her.If you do i think she will leave you.
Work on yourself,your s3xual urges;as for your ex gf,if you truly want your relationship this girl to work then severe ties with your ex for good.
The love of a good woman is becoming a scarce commodity these days,if you've got a good thing hold am tight and treat am right!!

Like Cc said we need to know more before giving u sincere and unbiased advice.
What was the reason for separation in the first place.
Ii it well.

@demi2008 GOD bless you my dear sister.Nobody knows the pain like somebody who has worn the shoes.

@ poster just take demi2008's advice and do as she said.

Pray more than u've ever done,respect and submit to him more than you used to. Dont dwell on too much thinking,take time to meditate on scriptures, declaring them concerning ur marriage and the child growing on ur inside and develop more PATIENCE.
Itis well.

My dear much as I want to sympathise with you,i must say you yourself created this problem for yourself in the first place by thinking you could change him.
However it has happened and much as you might  find it hard to believe there is still a silver lining in this dark cloud you're seeing.
You said you know he loves you,start from there.
Have you taken time out to pray and really commit it to GOD?
Have you tried to wake him up very early in the morning,say between 2:am-4:am and gently and quietly told him about your reservations and diference of opinion on his habits?
Men hate being told what to do particularly if the person trying to do this is acting in a rude,condescending,controlling or angry manner.

Give yourself 1 or 2 months to try and make things work again. Try to remember the good qualities about him that outweighed the negative ones that made you willing to marry him.
The things you used to do that made him happy and showed him  you loved him,resume doing them again even though you dont feel like it.


There are days i have woken up and wondered why i'm married to this my husband,moments after this i'm back to feeling like i have the best man in the world. MARRIAGE IS WORK MY DEAR, AND LOVE IS MORE THAN HAPPY  FEELINGS.THERE ARE NO PERFECT MARRIAGES but 2 people can work at making their own marriage work.
Dont give up my dear, still give it sometime.
Iwould actually recommend a couples' film for you to watch,its titled FIREPROOF.
Still give yourself a chance to make it work.Rooting for you!!!

my dear congrats oh!!!
been trying to wean my 18 month old babygal for sometime now. na real war!!

Ol boy na wa ooh!!!this is a head scratcher I dont see anything wrong with it.
I have 2 kids, a boy and a girl about the same age as these two lovelies in your pix.
From time to time I tell them "Give your sister a hug", or "give your brother a kiss", or "say i love you."
So those children could very well be my kids.I do not see anything wrong with the picture,looks really cute and innocent.

I do agree though that parents should draw a line as to what they allow their children see (like not making love in the presence of the children,or touching each others parts in a sexual way in the children's sight,etc.)

Thanks people for all your comments.
She told me she apologised to her husband this morning and they've settled. I know they do love each other very much and just took things for granted.
@ Mutter I really hail your mature and insightful response.

Thanks NLers.

chaircover
Posts: 2614

Offline

Re: What Is The Biggest Problem Faced In Marriage
« #6 on: Today at 08:34:29 AM »

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I dont think that there is any big thing per sey

It is just a combination of smaller things such as poor communication

@chaircover, so spot on.I completely concur.

@MOBO444 Its because of some people like you that some decent people never post on NL.
I am a happily maried mother of 2 who doesnt need to make up a story to have her one day of popularity.

Thanks to everyone that posted.About to give the sisterly advise to her.

ZIM DRILL na wa for you oohh!!!
ok you guys dont keep cards only ex girlfriend's pictures

how does knowing where he kept the things solve the problem at hand?mmmshew!!!

@ ZIM DRILL. She bought him the card when they were dating. She said he replied that he tore other cards too and since she had given it to him it was now his property and it was his business whatever he chose to do with them.
She said he was just complaining that those pictures could not be replaced.It made her really start to question whether she could trust him.

A lady friend just came crying to me about a huge fight she just had with her husband.

They were re-arranging their house and throwing things out.Her husband showed her a card.When she looked at it she smiled as she remembered it was a card she had given him while they were courting.She handed over the card to him and before you could say 'Jack Robinson', he had torn the card saying it would create space.
However as they continued she noticed he took some pictures and hid them between a book.She quickly snatched the book and lo and behold they were pictures of his ex-girlfriend who he had told her about.When she saw them she angrily tore them to pieces to also "create space" and there began the wahala.
They ofcourse had the hot exchange, raised voices and she told me she was sure their neighbours had heard them arguing violently for the first time.
She said she told her husband she knew she was wrong to have torn the pictures but he also had to see her own point of view and he replied "I dont care about seeing things from your own side". She felt especially bad because her 2 little kids saw their parents fighting for the first time.
They are not on speaking terms now. She came to me on how best to break the ice.

Abeg wetin make I tell her.I have always had the impression her husband was every lady's dream husband.

My dear ask yourself this questions?
1)Does she have a phone?
2)If she does,does she buy recharge card?

3)If yes then she's obviously calling other people. I'm not saying she's calling other men but other pple she considers IMPORTANT.

Pally, dont call her for a few days and see if she calls u back

Thats why i love Nairaland & Nairalanders,
I may not be a regular poster but I know just where to go if i want a good dose of laughter.
This thread just did that for me again.
Thank you NL

Thank youvery much jobrelated & ADOGBEYI, really encouraged by your posts.
Will keep praying and believing GOD.
Really need the job.

@ Eeyore,we're on d same page.
stl waiting to b invited 4 interviews.

@ Eeyore
Its for experienced level.

Hello house,I have 4 years banking experience with a second-class lower from the university.
I have done stanbic test since March and was informed I passed but havent been called for interviews since then.
Someone told me they do not employ pple with 2:2 but I wonder why they invited me for a test if i didnt meet their criteria.

Pls I need clarification so I dont keep hoping where there is none oohh!!!i do need a job badly.

oseni, maxxy already posted a thread in the careers section that he has accepted the offer.
have you done the interviews?

for me right now my biggest challenge is getting a job after more than 3 years of joblessness.

And it hasnt been for want of trying.