₦airaland Forum

jidegirl12: Laugh dey pain oh

Rotflmao! I read CC's post and I just pictured a soon to be wedded couple sitting on opposite sides of a conference table, each with their own witness, a mediator at the head and a stenographer on his left hand side.

MEDIATOR - So let's see what we have here, sexxx 4 days a week, with 3 of those in non-missionary style...and...

BRIDE - 2....2 in non-missionary style

GROOM - Fine but you have to wear the French Maid's outfit with a 9 inch stilettos

BRIDE - 6inches

GROOM - 9! 9! The heels emphasizes the shortness of the uniform (exasperated) you know this!

BRIDE - Okay! Okay! 9 inch.

MEDIATOR - Okay, so sexxxx 4 days a week, 2 non-missionary and 1 French maid with a 9 inch stiletto

GROOM - Oh! Oh! I'd also like her to meet with my Good Friend Dayokanu at least once a week for oral lessons on how to give a good...errr....Konji shinning.

MEDIATOR & BRIDE & WITNESSES & STENOGRAPHER - Huh?!!!!!

GROOM - No, No, I don't mean oral lessons, like that I mean he will tell her what to do...how to do it....she is not going to do it on him....he will just....never mind.

MEDIATOR - Moving on.....


Don't mind me and my wild imaginations.

chaircover: Maybe its because we didnt really plan anything and agree anything before hand that its easier just to reach each bridge and cross it as we get there. All these pre agreements that cant be broken sound so businesslike and stait laced. . . one has to be flexible in marriage. I'ts not as if one is in prison.

Before they get married, you hear people agree things such as no relatives coming to stay; no communication with the opposite sex; no eating outside, no sexx on Mondays etc etc but no one knows whats coming round the next corner and that is why there is so much deception around because people have put themselves in bondage with unrealistic conditions and they have to lie (like the guy who has gone to interview without his wife knowing)just to hide the fact that they have gone against the written in stone pre marriage agreements.

jidegirl12: sisi dey vex!!

Rotflmao

debosky: If I was in his shoes, I'd have a clear exit plan, precisely for the reasons you've stated, and agreed upfront with madam. I know a number of people who have precisely done that, but guess what? It was always an option from the start.

No one said it was easy, and furthermore we're talking about 4 years ago - after the recession hit. If it was in the rosy days say in 2004 he could be excused, but a grown man able to build a house in Naija? No back up plans? even folk going to do Masters think through their moves better than this. Simply put, he's trying to railroad the woman into returning. That's the issue. In typical Naija man style the wife should just swallow it.

I'm not saying he shouldn't move back, but it must be a joint decision to avoid undue conflict in the marriage.

I'm thinking we may need to have this laminated and posted in big fonts with loud neon colors because it seems the main point just flies over some people's head.

Stella I wish I could post a picture of my niece. ...when she was born she was the size of a can of a coke. Her lungs were barely developed, she was in the exact same situation like your son. That was 6 years ago, if you see her now...Lord have mercy! If I didn't see her in that incubator for days on end I won't believe she was a premie. She is smart, active and so perfect. I'm telling you that the God who made S what she is today is not a respecter of person, He has done it before and he can surely do it again.

Just remain strong, you take very good care of yourself. Your son is in good hands and he's gonna need a healthy momma when he comes home.

All the very best.

ileobatojo: In all these three scenarios, there is one simple solution. The hubby should help out around the house. Problem solved. You're welcome.

debrief08: Why can't he help out?
He wants time he should help her create time by helping her reduce work load, or getting her help.
Husbands find proactive situations and not whine endlessly

Help ke? So his Abunna will fall off and he'll become a woman?!!

No! No! No! It's better for him to sit there wallowing in self pity because wife wants to keep a clean house instead of sitting to watch a damn movie with him.

Two months later it's gonna be - MY WIFE IS SO DIRTY! SHE DOES NOT DO HOUSEWORK.

Efemena_xy: That's it!

I've had enough!

I'm soooo going in my STS 133 Discovery shuttle rocket on a well deserved trip to the moon. More sanity there...

The STS 133 Discovery??!!

Whoa! You got yours already??!

I never get the good stuff before it exists.

Gah! I am soooo firing my people!

They don't do jackshite for me and I pay them by the nanosecond.

AjanleKoko: Errbody seems to have a perfect, rich, Hollywood-styled marriage/family on NL.

Or is it just the gals

You keep questioning our Prince of Saudi-esq lifestyle?!!

Seriously, why is that so hard to believe? We invited you to our play yacht (and by that I mean the yacht reserved for fun not a toy yacht thank you very much) you ignored it yet here you are again all perplexy like asking questions.

Don't lemme use just off the prints mints to slap ya face oh.

You've been warned.

dBard: ..but d point u seem not t notice is d womans uncompromising attitude in dealing wit all of this whilst the man has given her four years already.
Four years is a LONG time,anyhow u look at it, for a previously successful man, by Nigerian standards to be searching for a Job no matter how temporary. The psychological torture alone cant b imagined.
Add t tgat d natural instinct of d Nigerian male t b seen as a provider n maybe you'll understand a bit.
He might ve done wrong going behind her back but then wit her attitude, is it surprising??

She needs to Stop being rigid n uncompromising abi she na ASUU
Who throws away a marraige f something so minor s.m.h

Could it be that her uncompromising issue stems from the fact that he just presented her with a fait accompli?!

I think that is what many people are missing here....they are so intent in painting the woman as the one who has exchanged her husband's head for something else. What would it have cost him to sit his wife down and talked about it instead of going behind her back and suddenly hitting her with a done deal.

There is a reason he went behind her back and that is because he KNOWS it is contrary to what they had based their marriage on. I sincerely believe if he had carried her along with his plans, she won't be this "uncompromising". Except she does not love him (which is highly unlikely) I doubt she'll want anything but the best.

No one is saying he shouldn't want better things for himself (because when it's good for him, it's good for the family), it is the WAY he went about it that some of us are not backing. He is no longer a bachelor, he has a PARTNER now...he can't make decisions like he would when he was a bachelor.

Her reaction is based on HIS action. It is that simple and If y'all can't see beyond man vs woman with on this issue...then there's nothing more to say.

Alls I'm glad is at least a guy sees this, understands this, so those elenu shobiris who like to make everything about feminism can just shut it.

Wait she's just 21?

So when did she have time to do all those things?

Or is she lying about her age?!!

debosky: I fully support the wife’s opposition. Why would the man - sneakily behind her back - attend an interview and accept a job offer in a different country? It’s one thing to say the man feels he is wasting away, but just as the decision to move to the UK was a joint one, the decision to move to Nigeria must also be a joint one.

It cannot be a decision the man foists on her by saying ‘I’ve taken the job - it’s too late’. This lady was crystal clear about what she wanted before they got married - it’s quite inconsiderate to ambush her with the Nigeria move in this manner.

How can you be married to someone and go for an interview and accept the job without telling her? Because he knows she will be opposed to it, and wants to back her into a corner - that is not how to do things.

She needs to stand firm in her position - you don’t make your life decisions simply based on money. Yes he might be struggling to hold down a job right now, but what is the guarantee the so called rosy job won’t disappear tomorrow? If there is a plan to change country, the holistic impact on the family needs to be considered and a decision taken - the man needs to do this with his wife before deciding on a job. Any action taken must be in agreement with that family decision and not in isolation.

You need to sort these things out as a family - I know giving up a career for the other is not something people love, but it must not come about as an ambush. If something was agreed before, another agreement must be reached before things change.

This talk of ‘helping him settle down’ misses the point - it means a decision has already been taken that he WILL be in Nigeria and it’s up to her to relocate if she chooses. That is not how things should work.

debosky: The issue here is not whether 4 years is 'long enough'. What will he do if he loses the job in Nigeria and doesn't get one in 4 years - will he just up and move to Mongolia if there are jobs there?

The man must've been quite idealistic in the first place - who moves to another country in this day and age without some understanding of what circumstances will make you return to your home country?

If there is a decision to relocate, it must be made holistically, not solely based on the fact that he got a job in Nigeria. Peeps saying he has 'tried a lot' like he was forced to move - you think she isn't sacrificing as well? No be him wan marry woman?

How much do you think social workers earn sef? If you don't know, they aren't paid like investment bankers.

My response is in two folds. . .

Short Response - Thank you!!!


Long Response - Okay seriously, I am getting angry at the so called renowned scientist of the world. They can send a man to the moon but still can't figure out how to make a man cloning machine??! What is up with that?!!

Well seeing as we still have a long way to go with that, it's a good thing I still have my fall back plan of making sure the word DEBOSKY enters the dictionary. By the time I am done, the word INTELLIGENT will by a synonym for DEBOSKY! So help me God! Amen!!!



@ Topic
Can we please remove the issue of cheating out of this...like he can't cheat in the UK if he wanted to. So not wanting him to cheat should not be the reason for her balking. She is just rubbishing her own point using that excuse. Secondly, painting Nigeria as this hot bed of mayhem and menace where as soon as one lands, it is automatic death...is just plain silly, so please stop! It takes points away from your argument.


For those on the Let him go because he is bound for a meager job scenario - Please for everyone one person who ends up washing cars in the UK, there are at least 2 or 3 people who have made a better life for themselves in that same environment. So painting such a dire depressing picture for why he musto go to Nigeria is like when our parents told us if we ate too much candy, the candy monster will come out of our stomach and swallow our face as we slept at night (or was that just me?) - Scare Tactics! All Scare tactics!

This situation is one that needs to be limited to the parties involved. Their decision should NOT be based on what some phantom 3rd party might do or what may happen driving down the road in Nigeria. It should be based on the relationship between them and what they are willing to give up or accept for it.

lekanolas: Lagos State Governor, Babatunde Fashola, yesterday marveled at the ingenuity and the entrepreneur skills displayed by highway hawkers in some Nigerian cities, especially Lagos.

He described the traits displayed almost simultaneously while selling on the highways as misused skills.

The governor said there is nowhere in the world where youths dominated the highways with such entrepreneurship skills.

He said: “I have travelled a little bit and I am not sure if there are many places in the world where we will find young people, running through traffic, balancing their wares on their heads, chase the moving cars and selling their goods, calculating how many they have sold and doing mental sums and giving you change.

“If you just pause to think on the skills displayed, the flexibility and adaptability that is required to carry out those functions. I don’t know how many of us can do it.

“So, let nobody come and tell me that Nigerians are not skillful, let them not also come and tell me that they are not enterprising. If that is not a display of skills and a display of enterprise then you know what it is.”

Governor Fashola, however, lamented that such skills were unfortunately wrongly deployed to unsustainable business, adding that the state government is determined to divert such skills and enterprise to a more promising and sustainable business model.

http://nationalmirroronline.net/new/fashola-marvels-at-hawkers-skills-in-traffic/

I so agree with this assessment!!

When one hears the intricacies of some of these Yahoo Yahoo scams, you can't help but marvel at the ingenuity (I don't endorse Yahoo Yahoo oh). If these skills and enterprising nature were directed at something legit...God knows where we would be today.

Another thing that amazes me (and confuses)is how some Nigerians expend so much time and energy thinking up ways on how NOT to do the right thing or how to get away with not doing something when doing the right thing will take a fraction of that time. Imagine spending N500 recharge card to look for a fake product for a client so you can make N700 extra because getting him the real one will put only N200 in your pocket.

Nigerians...we have been wonderfully made, I tell ya.

Wait...what is gossip about blackmail and whatnot doing in a daily devotion ?!!

Is that what people are supposed to meditate on?!

I can't believe people still buy the nonsense these so called pastors are peddling.

Please stop setting other women up by having them go head to head with Kate Henshaw.

As a matter of fact, let's spare all the other faux celebs heartache and not compare them with Kate Henshaw and Rita Dominic.

These two women are in a class of their own....don't devalued it abeg.

Uju..no vex oh but they only thing that came to my mind as I read your post was Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! So Sweet! https://l.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/i/mesg/emoticons7/8.gif

That's all I got!!

Oh by the way, Between you & Pataki and Ile & Coogar....I don't know which "pretend animosity" is fun to watch. Y'all are just too cute!!

Ile all these suspicions from one innocuous discussion oh.

He was quiet when I said I hate gay people. ....oh my God he is gay!

My wife won't delete number ...oh my God she is cheating on me.

I don't get it. . .do people just go around looking for drama in their relationships? Is paranoia the new aphrodisiac or is there something in the water?!!!

Sometimes it's. . .

How the. . .

Who honestly. . .

Sigh.

It's pointless.

Funny Thread!!

Baba Oya, my dad was an only child, he ended up with 7 children.

'nuff Said!

alutawestand: I've finally said the sorry. I knelt down while saying it oooo and he was just smiling at me and said I should repeat after him not to do it again which I did. He apologised also.

He so ate the food that I prepared that he couldn't even walk again, and he was full of compliments.

I wanna thank everyone for the wonderful advice given to me. It really worked.

Wanna go to bed now. He's waiting for me with open arms. Tonight gonna be fire oooo. Lol

Gnite house.

Awwwww!!!!

dayokanu: You better kneel down facing him and apologize

After that stay on your knees and bring out the "microphone" and sing a joyful song to your Lord, with your head moving back and forth till he lift up his voice onto the heavens

After that still on your knees back him and let him put his "thrust" in you powerfully as a sign of forgiveness then both of you cuumm in holy union

then daughter you are fully "forgiven your sins

Gulps.

I don't get it....you are wrong, you know you are wrong, he knows you are wrong and you know he knows you are wrong, the who done did wrong party is not in question here. ..so why on earth do you find it difficult to right that wrong?

Once you are at the wrong end of an argument or misunderstanding....you have lost the upper hand (for lack of a better word) and it is up to you to rectify it and this goes for EVERY relationship.... personal and social not just marriage.

Now it is human nature to wanna ride the wave if your rightness. ...when you are right and this is what your husband is doing but seeing as this isn't someone you can avoid (like we would with friends and acquaintances when we wrong them and may not want to apologize) I'm sorry wifey but you have no choice but to let him ride it. The only thing you can do is remember the feeling of utter ughhhhness you have right now...so next time you learn to caution your words

The only thing I have a problem with (oh pipe down you gboromiro alabosi okunrins, don't wet ya self yet in sheer joy) is the fact that he thinks kneeling down sgows you are remorseful. I fear hubby might be setting himself up because if you kneel down but don't mean it....what is the point? I think he should be focused more on the sincerity of the gesture of apology than the the gesture itself.

In my opinion, one runs the risk of short changing themselves when they dictate how an apology should be made to them. Sure there's a momentary joy in watching someone gravel according to your mandate but have you really gotten the true results, the one that will last...the one that really matters?!


Anyhoo, just do what you gotta do and be done with it. Can't even believe it lasted this long when you could have turned the matter into a joke by making a big production of the kneeling down and praises in a way that's sure to make him laugh and before you know it, it's kiss kiss bang bang... .

We are talking about kids here right....those little itty bitty bundle of restless energy with large a side of unpredictability, yes?

Just asking oh because the way some are carrying on one would think we are talking about robots with a timer you can set to poop and pee and cry and laugh and sleep at a certain and if all else fails...ya just gotta yank the batteries out and all is well with the world.

Adults can barely predict when they wanna "use it"....so why do we expect more from kids?

When it comes to children I've learnt choices are always based on the lesser of two or three or however many evils. I'll take getting the evil side eye from people for changing a diaper over a child who is cranky and irritable because he is uncomfortable in a soiled diaper. Of course I'll also show some discretion in how I handle it but honestly I wouldn't fault a harried mom who can't. In my opinion I don't think it's right to thumb our noses down on these moms who make decisions in situations they have very little control over.

On a lighter note, how do people get worked up over issues that aren't permanent? If the momma and her baby were joined to my hip forever and ever and i have to deal with em day in day out naa....I understand the flipping out but just for a little tiny fraction of my lifetime? Abegi, ain't nobody got time fo' that.

^^^^ Lmao!!!

Good Question.

Etumgbe: "However, because of Sunday's refusal to marry Essien, she started seeing Effiong and they soon became inseperable. Effiong also took care of her and her son."

Some people and their dog in the manger attitude, he refuses to marry her but won't let her seek what she desires elsewhere.

Seriously, why do women mate let alone have babies with these animals?

Sunday was said to have picked up a stick which he used in beating up both Essien and Effiong.

The source said, "We learnt that because Sunday is a lot older than Effiong, he (Effiong) did not retaliate when Sunday hit him with the stick.

www.punchng.com

What the hell??!!

There's a man under the bridge that leads to Ikoyi or thereabout (don't ask the name, half the time I have a hard time remembering where I am when I am in Lagos) who does the same thing with charcoal and water....absolutely STUNNING pictures, so beautiful it makes you cry that so much creativity in one teeny tiny finger. Sometimes, it's hard to keep from cursing the wretched Nigerian Educational System which looks down on Arts.

In another country, that under the bridge guy will be celebrated. He'll have his own show in the top galleries and his paintings will be selling for thousands. In Nigeria, he has to contend with half-witted buyers who have very little appreciation for art and believe buy art is doing an artist a favor so they don't starve.

It's so so unfair.

dayokanu: Honestly the best thing is to quit this relationship and go and upgrade yourself intellectually

Your written English is so poor that its shocking you can claim to have any form of intellectual prowess

The truth is your wife is smarter and more intelligent than you. And you want her to dumb down to your level because you are the man who is still without a good job.

Let me ask, How did you convince her to date you?

Its better you quit with your agidi talaka mentality. You are poor intellectually instead of seeking knowledge, you have a hot temper to go with it

Find your own size among other babes especially Paraga sellers.

Let your girl find someone who matches her intellect

Dead!!!

dasparrow: Being an illiterate is a really bad thing. The woman is 35 years old. Midlife crisis begin for some when one is in their mid forties and above. And what she suffered from is postpartum depression but I know many Nigerians with their low IQ won't know what the hell that is neither will they recognize the symptoms.

@Post

Some daft Nairaland commenters are even suggesting that she killed herself because she gave birth to girls only. Maybe if Nigerian society were made up of mostly intelligent people, they will know that a woman NEVER determines the gender of a baby but rather the man does. So, its the man's fault should a woman keep giving birth to female children. And even that is not a crime considering how many Nigerian-bred males are rottening away in Chinese jails for drug trafficking offenses while the others loose their lives prematurely in Nigerian universities due to cultist attacks.

God Bless you!!!!!!

debrief08: Tayour did you read the story?
She said she left the girls with her mom, left her home where she was being battered even though she was responsible for the upkeep, she left the girls with her mom, their father went to take them, who will deny a man the custody of his kids? Except she went to court which am sure she couldn't afford to while she was trying to hustle for their feeding and probably education.
Please let's stop always trying to blamde women for the actions of others. They are his kids for Christ Sake, you can hate your husband or wife but no one will expect you to hurt your kids even the court.
The woman just left a home where she was unsafe and was trying to start a new life and provide for her kids.
The kids should be safe with their dad since they can't trust him who will they trust?
This is not some distant relative, its their father, even if she went to court a judge would have probably awarded custody to their father since they are above 8.
Please stop blaming people who did nothing wrong, blame the person who committed the act.
What was she suppose to do? Do you even know if she has a house where she is or if she is living on the streets or perching with someone and her only focus is saving enough money to care for her daughters?

Amazing isn't it? If you can't trust your husband with your children, who can you trust?

I'm surprised no one has come on to say the molestation is also the woman's fault. ...if she was around to fulfill her husband's sexxxxxxual needs, he wouldn't have had to get it from their 8 and 11 years old daughters.


@Topic
Can they just castrate him? This man is a pedophile and pedophiles can't curb their urges. ...they can't. Even if they lock him up now, he will get out someday....what happens then? I say do the little girls who might be unfortunate to cross his path a huge favor and just castrate him.

Siena: You're a brave man. I was in such a situation some years back. I knew about my ex-wife's infertility issues prior to getting married, because she told me. We talked about adoption and surrogacy before we got married, and agreed those were the routes we'd take. Sadly, after we'd said "I do", she changed her mind

We began taking Adoption classes through Barnardos. It can take up to a year for applicants to become approved to adopt. Part of the process is having your background checked, including any ex-partners. We were aware of this, and knew it would be intrusive to a degree, but we were okay with it - at least I was.

7 months into the process, we had a session one afternoon. I left work early, got home and found my wife wasn't home. I called our case workers to enquire why they were 25 minutes late. I was told my wife had cancelled, and wasn't I aware? I said no, I wasn't, so when was the rescheduled session? I was told there wasn't one, that my wife hadn't cancelled just this session, she'd pulled out altogether.

My wife got home, and I queried her on her decision to pull out, without discussing things with me? Her response? "I find the process too intrusive, I don't like the way they question us." I was shocked. I tried to reason with her, that children have to be protected, and the checks the authorities make are pretty valid, and expected. But she was adamant, so that ended the adoption route to children.

So we had just one route left - surrogacy, which we had agreed upon before getting married. Again, I was the only one carrying out research, calling hospitals in the UK and Europe, getting ideas on cost etc. While my wife did nothing, and showed very little interest.

Each time I tried to pin her down so we could discuss things, there was always an excuse -

It's very expensive.
It's a long process.
It might not work.
The surrogate mother might pull out.
Yada yada yada.

We had two houses at the time - one in France, and the one we lived in in the UK. I said if money was the issue, we could always remortgage the UK house, children are priceless, and if it meant even selling the house outright, that's what we should be doing!

This dragged on for 4 years - I would suggest we talked, she would say she had a lot on at work, we'd discuss things later. Things came to a head one day, she returned from work, and I told her outright we were going to thrash things out here and now, no more procrastinating. It was only then she told me bluntly she didn't want surrogacy either, she didn't want me to have a child with another woman's eggs womb, that the child would be mine, but not hers. So basically, she'd deceived me in the cruellest way possible, and was prepared to condemn me to a life of childlessness, through her own selfish desires?!

I took it hard. At first, I tried to put children out of my mind, and simply make the marriage work, but it was impossible. With each passing day, I resented my wife more. I began a series of blatant affairs, and didn't give a rat's árse if my wife found out or not, part of me did want her to catch me out, and she did, on several occasions, with different women. But I couldn't care less. And for those who may wish to attack me with scriptures, go shake your tambourine elsewhere, because I'm not interested. Until you're thrust into a certain situation, you can't tell for sure how you'd react, at least not with any degree of accuracy.

For those who can cope with childlessness or deception, good luck, I sincerely wish you all the best.

Wow!!!!

Way to put things in perspective.

Once again, real life experiences like these makes the tired question/accusation of "Didn't you know before marriage/You must have known before marriage" really really pointless.

Nothing can ever be set on stone, life throws us many curveballs and the very notion that we reapond to these complexities in just one specific way makes no darn sense. You got married with forever in mind because you believed the other person was on the same page with you. However they turn out not to be and you are still expected to have forever in mind. ...like really!!

If I can return shoes because the sales girl gave me the wrong color, why on earth would I want to remain in union with the wrong person. This is the rest of my life for goodness sake!!! Why should I carry a yeye cross that wasn't my making?

Yep, I echo Siena's eloquently put words....Bible Thumpers, Go shake your tambourine elsewhere. If out of the myriad of evilstances out there, God wants to punish me for getting divorced. ...then so be it. At least the reason for the punishment will be crystal clear, as opposed to being punished for something I had no part in.

Abeg!!

Or buy the wife.

Only a handful of Naija Bakers know how to FINISH....no matter how creative their designs are, the finishing is always wonky which totally ruins the entire thing.

After what they just pulled off on the field today...GHANA!!