Iceman2017:
Please I need your help and advice. This post might be a little bit longer.

I met my baby mama through a friend in January 2023 and we bonded So well. The relationship was so lovely and I supported her in her academics and also helped her to acquire some skills, which I will not go in details to avoid a long thread.

Fast forward to may 2023, I proposed to her and she accepted the proposal. Though she earlier told me that her mother wanted her to marry from her village but she loved me and will want to spend her life with me.

Yea, we are from different state but the same tribe. After the proposal, I told her that I want to come and see her parents for proper introduction, and she told me to wait first, that she want me to meet her mom first.
Then her mother traveled and she spent like 2 months before she came back.

Fast forward to second Sunday of July, I went to see her mother. I bought some things and went there. She accepted me and told me that they are Christian family. That they will pray and seek the will of God before she will ask me to come for other things. That I should give them time.

So, after that brief introduction, my girl change. Though we were talking everyday as usual but I noticed that she was sliding away somehow. I confronted her about that which she denied and assured me of her commitment in our relationship.

I had my birthday that same month, my girl sent me personal messages on WhatsApp and text but she failed to post me on her WhatsApp status or even Facebook. But I didn't take that serious, but my friends that have her number began to ask some questions why my woman failed to post me on her status.
They even confronted her and later she apologized to me and gave me one stupid reason that she doesn't want her people to see her post of me. Since the family is already praying, that they told her to minimise the way she Relate with me so that our steady communication will not influence her decision or affect the prayer.

By the ending of July, she ran some test and discovered that she's pregnant. She called me and even sent the PT test to me. I invited her, calmed her down and promise to be by her side.
I told her not to tell her people yet. That she should ask her people when they want me to come for the marriage rights and if they ask me to come, we must have done everything before they would know of the pregnancy. She insisted of telling them, that her mother would know. She was crying and was so much worried of what people will say, what the church will say and bla bla bla. I tried my best to calm her down.
I told her that we need to visit hospital to run a proper test instead of the urine test. She said it should be upto 2 months which I declined and I reminded her the day we had sex, that in my calculation, it should be 3 weeks.

She went home that day and the next day she went to see her elder sister. After that very day, my girl totally changed. She refused to go for the test I told her. She was like she don't want to run any test, that if I insist that it will be by Saturday of that week.
I got annoyed and later that Wednesday night, I asked if she was really pregnant, she said yes and I asked her if I'm responsible for the pregnancy. She got mad and ended the call.
The next day I went to her house, I heard her praying inside. The sister asked me to wait for her outside. After her prayer, she came out and told me that her dad is around, that since he doesn't know of me yet, that she don't want to bring me in.
The next day, she told me that no need to go for that test again, that she's no more pregnant. I was confused. I contacted her friend which she reported me to when I asked her if I'm responsible for her pregnancy. She told her friend that I got her pregnant and want to deny her.
When I told her friend what she said, she told her friend the same thing. I asked her if she took abortion pill, she said no. She was like she declared a word of faith and God has taken away the pregnancy. The whole thing sounded so stupid to me. I was more confused because she sounded with so much convintion

But I insisted on going for the test. I took her for the test and the result came out the next day and it was positive. When I collected the result, I asked her to come around so we can talk but she refused and told me that she won't come to my house again.
I tried so many times so we can talk, she kept hiding from me until after 2 weeks, she asked Me to come to her side. I went there, she took me to one church close to her house.
She told me that she don't want to go ahead with the marriage, that she want to hear from God. That if I want to travel out or do whatever I want to do, that I should go ahead and do it. That she will wait on God no matter how long it will take. After some days
I went to see her elder sister. The elder sister told me that their mother swore that anybody from my state and few other states she mentioned will not marry any of her daughter's. That any of her daughter that refused, she will never had any relationship with the very daughter and she would assume that the person is dead.
That even the very first day my girl mentioned my name to her mom. She was not happy.

To cut the whole thing short, they took the girl to a hidden location. They want her to stay there and gave birth there. When she was about two months pregnant, I asked her to go to hospital and enquire about atenental. She said I should send 20k for it. I sent her 20k

They now lied against me that I sent her 20k to go and run test to check the gender of the baby.
The mom told me to forget about the girl and the baby. That I should take it as one of the relationship things. That I shouldn't send any money again to her.
The girl has blocked me both on WhatsApp and Facebook.
I am not interested in the marriage again. All I want to know if there are legal ways I can have access to my baby. I never denied her in any way. Even In the relationship, she can't say that I wronged her.
Around early November, she returned my engagement ring. She told me that I will never see the baby nor have any relationship with the baby.
When I asked her what I did wrong. She couldn't utter a world. She kept saying unrelated things. She has been looking for excuses and reasons to hold against me.

She's 25 while I'm at my 30's.

Are they Deeper Life, Choosen members or some of these similar Themed Churches? Those people can difficult to understand though.

baralatie:

It is an assumption

We have had stories! How is this an assumption?

Who can confirm here if the ladies from this church have this doctrinal believe that until they see you with them getting married in a dream they won't marry you.

I am a lady and this is a weird belief.

dbestuncle:


Simple n direct questions n some people don get it twisted already.
I haven't but I know those who has so my simple advise from you is to take a specific jotter or a diary with you each time you are meeting the marriage committee and take note of all advise and instructions.
2. Try to show how spiritual you are also but in doing this avoid complicating things or disagreeing with their way of doing things. That you don't like their system doesn't mean everything part of it is bad.
3. Compliment the good things you see and ask relevant questions.
4. With the lady always let her know how important the opinions of the both of you are in the marriage n not just about the pastors because you are going to start a home together, the pastors not included
5. You too get close to God and the word of God so that you will not be tempted. Let her, her family n everyone else around her see you as a child of God.
6. Plz if you are not a child of God leave them alone make you no pretend to marry church girl n come shock yourself o, not all church girls are bornagain o

Thanks bunch

Na wa o!

Hello Nrldr,

What was your experience trying to date or propose to deeper life or choosen ladies..

Those that ended up marrying from these denomination, how did it go with the marriage committee and the ladies attitude prior or beforehand.

Kindly share your experiences

123readygo:
Hmmmmmmm

I like women who can drive truck.
Though she shifted the gears when not necessary but I believe it was for exhibition

That truck has 12 gears so she's on track bro.

I will delibrately not mention her church to avoid slander ...


So a close friend of mine has being friends with this Bleep churchy and very religious lady, they both desire to be with each other and the lady has actually profess love to him several times even to her mum and our mutual friends and i have actually spoken with the lady on several occasions.

So i can confirm this

However, the lady keeps saying he is not her husband and she's seeing someone else in her revelation, but he is the one she greatly desires and all. But if she get answers that he is the one she will greatly say YES.

This guy is confused as each time he wants to move on she's calls him, chat him up and then stop reaching out or better still no response again from her.

She keep telling people this guy is nice and wonderful but she needs to confirm through prayer..

Please whats your experience ?

Hmmm

Bro!.

Could you edit your content because you have assassinated her character publicly ...

This is not cool bro!

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pansophist:
most people marry who they love, but it's the wrong strategy. It is to ''love who you marry''. The former is based on feelings, and the latter is based on an informed decision. Feelings are what is keeping many girls single, they are waiting for the guy that will give them butterflies. It is wrong. Start listening to Pastor Kingsley Okonkwo and his wife, Mildred, these couples will clean your brain for this dirt modern society has deposited into it.

If you find a man that treats you like a queen, genuinely loves you, and wants to build a future with you, then love him. Butterflies are fleeting because when life's difficulties and responsibilities show up, you will appreciate a good man. Butterfly doesn't pay rent, protect and provide, lead and not bring trouble to you.

The same excuse you have that you haven't seen someone you fell in love with, is also the same excuse millions of unmarried women in their 30s have. Don't make such a mistake. Because you have feelings for a man doesn't make him good. It's a jackpot to love someone that happens to be a good man, but your primary duty is about his goodness first, then feelings. So the price you pay is to sacrifice feelings for what truly matters, which is a long-lastinf fulfilling union.

Follow who?

The man that is preaching pro divorce and remarry doctrine while your partner is alive?
That nonsense is not in the bible.

I no support this advice..

Robertgreene1:
Intresting...
Even the Brits that brought dat religion to una now marry fellow man/woman..animals even trees sef... una still dey dey carry religion 4 head like gala...
Africans re mentally slow...
SMH

I think this is some sort of manipulative tendencies to reserve the ladies, guys and keep them for in the fold.

Jashub:
Interdenominational marriages are only doctrinal teachings held by churches who believe in the teachings of men .

I remember one pathetic story of a lady who was told to marry only Nupe because that was the wish of her mother . Several guys (igbo, yoruba, and etc) who were bible-believing Christians came for her hand in marriage , but this lady's mother rejected them outrightly saying " if he is not a nupe, you will not marry him " . Forgetting that we are one in Christ irrespective of race , or ethic affiliation(Gal 3:28). This went on for a lengthy period until she finally saw the a willing nupe man , but by then she was looking like a like an old hag .

This is sad as some ladies end up not marrying their great choice because of doctrine and my pastor said.

This is a honest question with no intention of bashing any denomination.

So i have heard and seen stories!

Do some "ABC church" Ladies especially their Pastors children marry men outside their denomination?

These particular churches often ask their ladies to "confirm in spirit" if the guy is "the one" even after she's madly in love with him and he is a professing and believing christian.

Then if the pastors and others comes out with a no over her request. She will then begin to breed bitterness and resentment toward the guy as if he is the devil's reincarnate.

What's your story?

Hello,.

So i have listened to a lot of Ladies lately that after coming from seemingly rough relationships that they didn't give a deep thought before a yes will then find a Christian Brother who by all virtue is awesome.

The Sad Part
In waiting to say a yes!

These ladies then go ahead and pray to GOD to cause a fight between them if "he is not the type he has sent to marry them". Instead of maintaining peace. What sort of Generation is this?

Why will GOD answer such a negative prayer? Isn't this a mockery of his nature? God is not the author of confusion.

I have heard this pattern many times amongst new gen ladies and i wonder where this teaching is coming from.

If the guy appears all cool, they push for a fight or even start a fight over silly reason that shouldn't have come on.. Just to fulfill their "prayers" unknowingly.

Christian have a guideline to discern a good brother, but then why this negative energy which often backfires?

This pattern is becoming alarming and making ladies miss the right type of guys.

Think about this.. if those relationship you didn't really give a thought and end up heart broken. Did you ask GOD to bring up a fight before you said yes? Or the fight came inside the situation and it became unsalvageable?

Ladies learn to pray correctly and not destroy your chances with a Godly partners. The devil's comes to steal a d destroy and why will you ask GOD to destroy?

If you push forward a negative energy for GOD to answer towards an innocent person with a Goodheart, your negative energy might push that person to another person willing to accept the brother with two hands.

Be mindful of spiritual things and don't bring old bags into a potential relationship with a cause a fight if he is no the one stuff.

Your prayers should be GOD put a hedge of protection over my life and help me discern well

You can miss out and end with a wrong person..if you continue this pattern of prayer.

Stop praying for a fight to happen
May GOD help us.
What do you think?