₦airaland Forum

What is the etcetera in Christianity?

Christianity stands alone. It doesn't need a crutch.

Please explain the etc being added to it

Interesting.

You have this much data on your wife.

How about you?

In what ways are you contributing to the issues in your marriage?

After all, you're not an angel.

You need to also examine yourself.

The truth is, if you divorce her without working on yourself, the same set of problems will arise in your next marriage.

I would rather counsel that you go for therapy.

There's always a solution to any problem if you look for it. But if you seal your mind that there is no solution, then you won't find one.

I have discovered that you just have to decide that you'd be a good person in his life whether you're appreciated or not.

Let me share my experience.

There's this guy who's a graduate teaching in one primary school where he was being payed 20k per month in the village. His mum is a friend to my wife.

We just thought about the woman and the son and my wife suggested we try to help. So we asked him to come to Lagos.

He lived with us for 7 months before we got him a job with one of the big 4 by God's grace. After 5 months he moved out closer to their office.

Now this guy doesn't bother to say Hi when we meet in church. He just throws away his face and avoids us.

Not that anyone expects a worship if they have been good to you but please show that you appreciate their sacrifice.

Please stop this sense of entitlement.

You lose nothing by acknowledging those who have been good to you.

Even God expects that you say "Thank you" when he blesses you.

I don't support this hullabaloo about gospel musicians on social media.

It is not compulsory that a renowned gospel artist feature in any church program.
I find no biblical evidence that suggests that God responds better or answers prayers faster when a world class gospel artist is present.

When they are invited, it's for a symbiotic relationship.

If you cannot afford an artist please just have your program like that.

But if you choose to invite any artist, be ready to beat the financial burden.

The same way I was scammed by Martins Nwadike via Carbon Microfinance Bank.

Form the receipt I can see that the thief uses M&M Microfinance Bank and his phone number is the account number. So I have his phone number. 7491 is the last 4 digits.

I reported and was told that they can only restrict his account for 72 hours unless I get a court order.

I got the court order since December 2024 and gave it to them.

The bank has done nothing till today.

It is difficult not to assume active connivance.

I will recover the money even if he is hiding under Zuma rock

It seems neither of you is happy in this marriage. Your wife's threat to leave the marriage shows she's experiencing as much emotional stress as you are in this relationship.

I advise you seek professional help.

This does not mean you cannot separate but it will help you ascertain whether separation is the right way to deal with this issue or it's better to find a way to resolve it.

See, sometimes couples assume that separation is the solution to their issues but I tell you, it may not settle it.

When you separate from one person, you may just be transferring the issues to the next marriage.

So, I repeat, seek professional help.

You need it to make the right decision.

This story is patently fake and fabricated.

You wonder why the following information is not provided:

The date of this so called sermon.

The town or country where this request was made from the pulpit.

The model of cars that he claimed the pastor already possesses.

When you come online to write stories that denigrate Christianity or any other religion is a sign of low intelligence and stupidity.

You need to understand that this writeup is a satire of the first order.

You cannot see the anecdotes in it if you read it literally.

I see a lot of contributions on this thread that border on entitlement mentality, and this is the problem of the young generation.

A nephew that I support on school called me last year that he wanted to change his phone because all his friends in the polytechnic are using better phone. When I told him I don't have money to buy him a new phone, do you know his response? If he was my biological child would I respond that way?

It's this same attitude I see this person display here.

In this harsh economy your boss was kind enough to offer you some Christmas gift but you could not say thank you. That's a bad attitude.

If you don't appreciate the favour men show to you, how would you appreciate what God does for you?

Simple courtesy and home training demands that when you receive a favour from another person, you should show appreciation.

Irrespective of your religion I believe it's important to show appreciation whenever you receive a favour.

Gratitude opens many doors that would ordinarily be closed to you.

I'm not talking about hero worship or flattery but simple "thank you for your kindness I appreciate the gesture".

You lose nothing by showing appreciation.

The Bible says gving to the church in any form should be voluntary.

Something similar happened in my church early 2024. A lady mistakenly transferred 50k instead of 5k. When she brought it to the notice of the church, she got her balance of 45k within 5 minutes.

The church should be a place of integrity and probity.

The church cannot expect members to live a life of integrity if she's not prepared to show it first.

It seems you had a bad experience with your family while growing up, and that is why you want to exclude them from your life.

It is better to resolve the adverse childhood experiences you had than to isolate yourself from them. Otherwise, you will transfer the trauma to your children and it would become a transgenerational experience.

This life is full of too many unpredictable variables so, please don't think you have ultimate control over your life.

While your nuclear family is important, your extended family also have their value.

Remember, if you were not nurtured by someone you'd probably not survive your childhood.

Now consider how you'd feel if your children decide to abandon you as their parents in the future.

As I said, find a way to resolve whatever bitterness you have against your family rather than excluding them from your life.

You need a guide, a counsellor and a mentor.

Send me a DM if you don't mind

Its unfortunate that you created lots of unhealthy stuff in this marriage.

Firstly, it was not a wise decision to disconnect from your family because of your marriage. They knew you before her and contributed to where you got to before marriage. You should have found a way to reconnect even though they objected to marrying this woman. Ostracizing yourself from you family for 7 years is not a wise decision.

Secondly, I can tell you from experience that there is usually an ulterior motive when a woman encourages her spouse to disconnect from his family. It's usually to control and dominate him. This is exactly what has happened to you

She managed to cut you off from family support so that she can emotionally blackmail and manipulate you, which is what she's doing right now.

Going several times to apologize and beg her to return home also devalued you as a man.

Your behaviour shows you as a phlegmatic person who does not know how to maximise his strengths.

My counsel.

Don't go to beg her. Calling you that the kids are asking when they'd see you is emotional blackmail. Do not succumb to her manipulation. It's unfortunate that she has her mum's backing is this. Both at them must be feeding fat on your cheap and immature approach to issues.

Reconcile with your family. Give the apology to them rather than your wife for now. Don't worry even they make a jest of you. It's for your own good.

Be a man. Stand for what is right. She will come back once you remain unfazed by her antics.

But expect her to complain if she discovers you're back with your siblings. She won't like it but handle it with wisdom. Your family and your siblings are an integral part of your life. Don't throw any of them away.

Wisdom is profitable.

If you need to talk with me, send a dm

They may be committed to their church or their Pastor financially.

There is an 85 years old woman near me. The way she begs for money you would think her daughter is maltreating her. But she collects the money and hand it over to her pastor. She even calls the in-laws of her children to ask for money. Even if you give her a gift, she gives it to the pastor.

I remember the daughter asking her why she's doing this, she says it's to give her free entrance into the kingdom of God when she dies.

Try to investigate what they're spending the money on. There must be a pit into which the money is going.

Make sure there's no one who has access to the money without their knowledge.

400k per month should be enough to take care of aged parents no matter what.

Your mother wants you to give her what she could not give herself before you can marry, and this is not right.

At 30, you are matured enough to take your own decision and be responsible for yourself.

I don't advise you mortgage your future and happiness because she wants to live in a mansion.

I had a similar experience several years ago when my parents ( mom in particular) wanted me to train my siblings (3 of them in primary school by then) up to secondary school before I could marry.

I rebelled and I don't have any regrets.

Just continue to support her as necessary. She will learn to abide by your decision later on.

By the way, how about your dad? Is he in agreement with your mum that you suspend marriage to build a house ?

This is so sad.

Check the list, 90% is alcohol

They're not even asking for things with good value.

They have sabotaged the future of their daughter with alcohol.

The op is right to exit the group to preserve his matter mental health.

My own experience was a secondary school group created three decades after we all left. Initially , I was happy to reconnect with old buddies but I had to exit because the group because, rather than discuss issues of mutual benefit, it became a place of religious antagonism. Moslems were competing with Christians by posting inflammable materials.

I found the setup so annoying that I dusted my shoes and left.

Everyone has a responsibility to run away from any environment that he finds offensive and unhealthy for his mental health.

I don't advise that you take the law into your hands in this matter.

Please take the case to the social welfare office.

You deserve unrestrained access to your kids and your ex wife's argument that she cannot combine the care of the kids with her job is valid.

Only the courts can settle this case.

Since you're in Lagos state, just go to DSVA office.

In 1985, Kaduna to Lagos via Nigeria Airways was N60.00.

He's even in secondary school.

Is he in the boarding house or he is a day student?

It's possible he's being bullied or being subjected to some form of abuse at school.

It may be necessary to see a professional teenage counsellor.

If there's one in the school, please go there to mention your concern. If not, check online.

The future of your son is at stake. Please don't ignore your observations.

You may need to consider changing his school.

I read somewhere that vibrant and garrulous children are sometimes given sleeping pills in school so that they just sleep. When a child is fed with sleeping drugs everyday, it will affect his brain.

Take this seriously.

What you could do is to visit the school at odd times to see how the children are being treated.

It is not advisable to completely avoid relating with people, especially neighbours because you may need them one day.

The vagaries of life can befall you that you may need their assistance.

However, you need to establish healthy boundaries to ensure that you're not taken for granted and the relationship is not abused.

I believe you should be able to share a casual greeting of good morning/evening.

What's happening with you today?

Has your husband simmered down?

Are you able to enter the house and cook for your children?

Has the tension gone down?

Reading through your experience here, I cannot deny the fact that you are an amazing woman, properly brought up in a godly home.

I appreciate your patience and submission to your husband and your sacrifice to ensure your home does not break.

As a pastor and certified counsellor, I believe all attempts should be made to preserve the sanctity of marriage as ordained by God, and divorce should never be an option.

However, I'm afraid there's need to take two steps backwards in your marriage in order to preserve your mental health and emotional wellbeing.

Rather than a divorce, you may need to separate for some time from your husband.
It seems he has a hidden agenda concerning the home. He doesn't seem to understand what it means to be a husband and a father, neither does he appreciate your person. It looks like he sees some women outside that he thinks would fit him better than you are.

It also seems he's not comfortable with you being financially strong enough to take care of yourself. He would prefer a disempowered and dependent woman who completely leans on him.

I would counsel you to consider a separation from him for sometime, not a divorce.

Don't wait until you develop depression.

Give him room to explore his fantasies. He will soon come back to his senses.

Take your children with you and nurture them.

You need to be alive to take care of them, so take care of yourself.

There are few gaps in this story.

How long have you been married and how has your relationship been?

Is this your first child? If not, how did you handle omugo in the past?

Did you agree with your wife that it was your sister on law who'd come for omugo?

Did you wife inform you that she wanted her to leave immediately?

When you were informed that your sister in law had to leave to pick a new employment, did you confirm from her?

What do you think makes your wife comfortable with consulting her mum( or her family) in taking decisions concerning your family? Has she been doing this from time?

What I think you need to do is to prise your wife from her mum's apron. The overbearing influence of your mother in law on your wife is not healthy for the family.

If you succeed with this, you should have a better communication and understanding in your home.

Though I strongly believe this is a made-up story, however I like to say that if you have such luxuries of life and you see an old man of 65 suffering and unable to support his family, good judgement demands that you offer assistance in any way.

Remember that it is God who gives opportunities to acquire anything. You're not the wisest or the most intelligent.

Even if the man is responsible for his predicament, nothing stops you from giving what's convenient for you.

Life is full of hidden asymmetries where the risks and rewards are not evenly distributed.

Meanwhile, it would be a wise decision to relocate from that environment.

This is pure scamming.

I almost fell for this recently.

Just the same story.

He is a father bringing up a daughter alone.

When I bursted the lie, he said it was because he was hungry and later confessed that he needed the money for nairabet

I would urge you as a professional marriage counselor that you need the support of a counsellor at this moment.

You need help to resolve the range of emotions you're passing through.

I can see that it's not only your marriage that is giving you distress, even the relationship you have with your in-laws is also a challenge.

Taking a decision like this after nine years of emotional and psychological investment in a relationship requires lots of support.

Please seek for help.

Please keep us updated after you make the report.

How long have they been married?

If a woman grew up in a strict environment where clothedness is highly valued, she would need time to adjust to having a male around her.

Have you not heard of ladies who are so shy that they cannot remove their clothes even in a female hostel?

The woman just needs understanding.

No need to make a mountain out of a molehill.

There are still some background stories you have not shared.

Firstly, what part of the country do you come from ( I'm not referring to your tribe, just the part if the country)

Secondly, what part of the country your fiancée comes from

Thirdly , what is your reason for not wanting a court wedding?

You must understand that if your fiancée comes from Yorubaland, her family will choose date and mode if wedding. That's the culture. I know it's not so in other places. My son married a lady from Ebonyi but her family did not mind wherever the wedding took place. So we had the court and church wedding in Abuja.

Imkust add that the reason her family insists on court wedding is to protect her. They don't want her to face an uncertain future in the home in case the marriage turns sour.

My last comment is that young men should be careful who they sleep with. There are consequences for every action. You can't be sleeping with a lady and think you'll just clean your mouth.

Please encourage him to see a therapist. Porn or any other addiction is an unhealthy coping mechanism. The internal issue he's using porn to cope with can only be discovered in therapy, and the necessary me Tal and psychological tools he needs will be presented.

Obviously, he needs help. Leaving your marriage may not help him.

But he must be willing to break the addiction. Without that, there's little anyone can do.