₦airaland Forum

Your husband has an addiction which he could reading satisfy during your courtship with your visits and adventures to erotic places. But now, you're nursing your babies and not available, so he has to find another outlet.

He needs to see an addiction recovery therapist. There's a lot to explore about his life. Many hidden corners which you don't know.

Your marriage, though impacted by his infidelity, is not in jeopardy if he's ready to face his demons. The fact that he readily apologies whenever he's caught shows that he's not willing to abandon the marriage.

Encourage him to see a therapist who can guide him on how to break th circle of infidelity.

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Since you said your mum is a counsellor, she should be able to handle the information, especially if she's a practising counsellor, not an academic one.

Is is against Counselling ethics for her to be your counselor but she would recommend her colleague who will relate with you.

There is no need to hide your unclothedness from the person who would wash your corpse.

Please tell your mum, come clean and seek help.

Your parents did what they knew as a way to bring you up. Yes, it was over-parenting but that was the best they knew.

There is no doubt that your childhood experiences have contributed to who you are today and how you see life, but this does not have to define your future.

I am a professional mental health therapist and I can help and support you to devise a new course of life.

You can send me a mail

Sexual addiction is as dangerous as drug addiction, the people advising you to marry probably don't know how powerless you feel.

As a professional counsellor I can guide you out of this addiction.

You can send me a mail

Your major problem now is how to restore the trust in your marriage. Stop thinking about how you can punish this girl.

Face your wife. Do everything to regain her trust and confidence in your marriage.

And stop behaving like a big uncle to a random girl. Even if you know her parents, it's not your problem if she chooses to share her nude pictures on social media.

Stay on your own lane.

Learn from this mistake and move in with your life

I have two deep circle dead batteries for sale.

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Can you send me a mail?

My question is

If you cannot terminate the contract during the probation if two years, can they company terminate it?

Seems you are bound to the company but the company is not bound to you. This is why this arrangement is suspicious.

If this is an Indian/ Lebanese/ Chinese company, you're in big trouble because you will work till you drop. Every opportunity to reduce your monthly stipends would be seized.

You will be lucky to go home with 30k per month.

Forget about working Monday to Friday, you will work even on Sunday 9am to 5pm.

Think very well before you hand yourself with this rope

You can overcome the addiction with professional help.

You can send me a mail

I believe all the responses above should convince you that it is time for you to dismiss this relationship. Save yourself from a lifetime of trouble and sadness.

However I perceive that you may be confused on how to go about it.

If you need help and guidance, you can send me a mail

Your wife is suffering from unresolved childhood trauma which can be treated if you contact a professional marriage counselor.

She is acting out the buried emotions of fear and it's only in a counseling session that it can be explored and resolved.

Please see a counsellor.

I advise you to contact a marriage counselor. You cannot get good counsel from young people who fill this platform.

There could be other reasons beyond your financial challenges why your wife is having affairs with other men which can only be discovered in counselling sessions.

For you also, your marital boundaries are too low and this further encouraged your wife to disregard it.

The solution to your challenge may not be a separation or divorce. There is no reason to assume that your marriage is beyond recovery unless this becomes obvious after seeing a qualified marriage counselor.

You can send me a mail for further guidance.

Drug addiction can be treated and the addict can fully recover.

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The man did not clarify his expectations before going into another marriage.

But all hope is not lost. I believe the marriage can be salvaged if both of them are ready to work at it.

What they need is to see a professional marriage counselor.

We deal with cases that seems worse than this.

You choice to live your life alone must have some underlying roots which can only be explored in counselling sessions.

Your wife deserves physical and emotional support which marriage prescribes. You deny her this by staying away from her

You also have a child who needs a father who is present in her life.

I strongly advise you see a counsellor to help you revise your thought pattern about life.

I am a professional marriage counselor though I am based in Lagos.

I am available for online sessions which are as effective as physical sessions.

Permit me to say that unless you're looking for an opportunity to end your marriage, it's not advisable you open up healed wounds.

Is she has been a good wife to you and you have no reason to suspect that she's still in touch with the father of that girl, please enjoy your marriage.

Everyone has a past though some are darker than the other. Nevertheless, the past is better consigned to antiquity.

Live joyfully with your wife. Build the future together. Forget the past.

I suspect that your wife is suffering from PTSD. Forcing her to return to you is not the solution, she needs help.

Try to connect with a professional counsellor who specialises in mental health. Some women have this experience as a result of childbirth.

Please note that she's not mad. This is just a phase and she can easily overcome it if you get help for her.

You can send me a mail

KPMG has several other units apart from accounting and taxation. They are into IT and Risk Advisory. You will be surprised to know that there are lawyers working with KPMG.

Th Big Four do more than accounting so she can choose other units.

I advise she goes for KPMG unless she decides otherwise.

Please don't compare KPMG with banking job

It is possible for him to break his alcohol addiction, he only needs a professional counsellor. You can send me a message

The truth is that you will be arrested and labeled an accessory to the crime, notwithstanding your good nature to inform the real owner of the laptop.

I don't know how you can exonerate yourself. You can try to get a lawyer because you will face trial in court.

The way to avoid this is never to buy a used laptop without necessarily papers

Every addiction is developed as a way to cope with problems/ trauma but it is a maladaptive cooing mechanism. An addiction recovery counsellor can help him develop a better and adaptive coping mechanism.

Growing up with an absent father induces childhood trauma which is being exacerbated by the huge responsibility your boyfriend has to bear at an early age.

It would require the expertise of a psychotherapist to resolve the childhood trauma and to learn adaptive coping mechanisms.

You can send me a mail

Your wife's behaviour evokes suspicion which should be confirmed before you confront her. But I'm wondering whether you'd be in the right frame of mind in case your suspicion is confirmed and you have to confront her. You may need some counseling to guide you so that you don't over-react. She would likely deny having an affair though even with the evidences you're likely to present and that would be extremely traumatic for you.

I advise you continue your investigations. You must have proof before you can confront her.

If she confesses I would recommend that you seek for counsel to help you navigate the emotions both of you will experience. You have to decide whether you want to remain in the marriage or you want to end it.

Please seek for help irrespective of the choice you make.

I am a professional counsellor with specialization in addiction recovery.

You can send me a mail

There is hope in this marriage, stepping out if it is not the right decision.

What your husband needs is to undergo therapy for anger management. It seems he has many unresolved internal conflicts that can only be explored in therapy.

Please don't leave your marriage. You will also need therapy because the negative energy you have already a sorbed from this relationship will manifest later if it's not resolved right now.

Even your children need therapy because of what they have already witnessed.

You can send me a mail so that I direct you.

What does op mean by "authority" in the home? What authority does a mother have to assert? What about the wife? And even the husband? Without a clear definition of what op means it is difficult to give a definitive answer.

I am at a loss concerning the nature of authority anyone would like to enforce in a home. Is it t type of soup? Wake up time or light out time? Access to DStv remote or what?

If the MIL comes to help take care of the baby, it's for a short period so, ordinarily there should be no problems. If there is we'd have to examine how each of them contributed to the fracas.

Usually, problems arise between wife and MiL because of personality differences. It's not all the time that the MiL is the cause. Sometimes it's the wife herself. So sending away the MiL is not the solution to the tension in the family.

Every form of abuse physical, sexual, mental etc leaves the victims with a psychological injury that remains throughout life unless they get help.

There are specially trained trauma recovery counsellors who can help victims to fully recover their childhood and live a normal life.

If you're still struggling with the trauma and the loss of your childhood please ask for help.

You can pm me for advise on how to go about it.

This is sad and traumatic experience for the three of you and it would be extremely difficult to handle on your own. Yes, time heals but the trauma remains.

I advise you see therapist who specialises in Trauma and Grief Recovery.

Please ask any therapist you contact whether this is his/her area of expertise

Hallucination has many root causes that only a psychotherapist can help to identify.

If you need help to identify one, send me a mail

The people condemning you here are those who don't know what it means to have a toxic mum, one who makes you regret your existence.

The mistake you made was staying too long in her presence for your patience to be exhausted.

You will need to apologize though she may not accept your apology. It doesn't matter. Just do it.

Secondly, stay away from her. Find other means of being a worthy brother to the last born. Avoid your mum so that such a thing does not repeat itself.

BTW, where was your dad when all these happened? Did he intervene? What was his response when your mum reported to him?

It's important to know what he thought about the incident. I would expect him to encourage you to apologize to your mum.

Just do that and keep off.

Are you the last born? Maybe you're seeing this little boy as someone taking your position in the family?
What's the relationship you have with your mum? Is it healthy?

If your answers to these questions are positive, then you need be mindful of your "self-talk". Examine what you say to yourself concerning the boy.

He is an innocent little boy and he's not in the family to displace you