₦airaland Forum

zaynie:
Since!!!!!!!!

I apologise. My laptop has been acting up ma.

sparkleboy:
Hi! The author is actually softandmoist I'm just the publisher

Bro, new update up. Please help us. Thanks so much.

nedu2000:
Quite harsh,maybe you shld've become friends with him

Anyone capable of such deception can kill you, don't you think?

Back in the days when I was still on the shelf, I fell in love with a voice. You see, I wasn't in the habit of picking strange numbers, but on this day I was so bored I just needed to get occupied. Plus, it could have been one of my endless suitors calling to ask if I had changed my mind as he'd made plans to take me to America, the land of the great. Yea right, a girl is allowed to dream.

So it wasn't someone I knew, but he called to ask if I was on my way.
'Way to where?' I'd asked, amused.

'To my office now. Ahn ahn, Shebi you said you'll bring your laptop so I can copy those books' he sounded like he knew me. I insisted I didn't know him. He asked what town in Nigeria I was, and I told him.

'Are you serious?',he chuckled. Well, I was ready to be serious since it was his airtime, not mine.

That misplaced call was the birth of a lustful telephone affair. He'd call me for hours on end and describe how engorged his male member got just by listening to my voice. He told me so many times that I sounded like a virgin that I got convinced that the tissue found its way back to make me qualify as one. Thankfully, those were the days when you were even lucky if your phone has GPRS, so he didn't ask for nudes.

On my own end, I'd always assumed he was tall and had striking good looks. He always talked about girls complimenting his haircut, footwear, dimples, backside and manboobs. OK, I lied. No one compliments manboobs.

After seven months of clogging the airwaves with our charged passions, we agreed to meet. I lied to my mommy that I was going to shop for a few items, after all he would not come all the way from his base empty handed and I'd have to explain where I got the goodies from. I dressed up in a very nice way, showing off my curves and cleavage. I even borrowed my Elder sister's perfume and dabbed on generous quantities. One look at the mirror and I knew the guy wouldn't resist me.

I got to where we were to meet, excited and full of expectations. I wasn't just disappointed. The only person that held a phone to his ear while I was calling was a dirty old cripple in green khaftan. I decided to wait.
Then the cripple began to waddle towards me in a funny dance, as if to welcome me back from some war. I nearly died of shame. I was discombobulated!

'Hi, are you Softie?' He bared his yellow horse teeth in imitations of a smile that looked like a grimace. Where were the dimples? All I saw was a massive facial dent, the result of some childhood illness.

'Yes' I gasped in reply. I realized too late that I'd made a mistake. I should have denied it, but while I was chiding myself, he pulled me into a hug. My nose had a fill of his odor, and left a bitter taste at the back of my throat. Oh Lord, wake me, no, take me now! I cried, but God sent a clap of thunder that left an On Your Own lightning sign in its wake.

He dragged me by my forearm to a table and clucked like a hen, telling me about the meeting he had before coming to see me. For one thing, the guy is very knowledgeable and swung from topic to topic like a monkey that found tree branches. I listened for a while, then started to doze when he wouldn't shut up. In total, he discussed Nigerian people and culture for thirteen minutes, the values of garlic for seven minutes, feminism for four minutes, and 'our' relationship. In all of this time, I mentally shopped in three malls and saved a biker from falling into a ditch. I danced with Gov. Fashola and traveled into space, then came back younger and supernatural.
He talked on, even about clones and pepper price. I chose my wedding colors and went shopping for my aso oke in my head.
When I couldn't stand it I ordered my drink alone and guzzled it refreshingly.

To make matters worse, one of my other suitors was looking at us from a spot some distance away. I quickly asked him to let me go home because I had to make dinner. He looked hurt and frustrated, but I guess that the kind-equivalent for the cash I wasted in going to see him.

I never picked his calls again, and I never had another blind date till I got married.

http://allladiesgistparlor..com.ng/2015/09/waves-of-emotions_17.html

New post up.
Enjoy!

New post up on the blog. Seun what sacrifice would I need to be able to post here again? I keep getting an error message, and your mods won't/cant do anything.
http://allladiesgistparlor..com.ng/2015/09/waves-of-emotions_11.html

Zaynie
Vickkyruby
Missmossy
Sparkleboy
MissMalia, here's a longer update to make up for the delay
Efilefun
Oluwadanie1
Suzzytee05
Blublahd
Tijehi
Feyilag

Cheers to a bubbly weekend!

Waves of emotions

Yewande
“I’ve got a surprise for you.”
That was the first thing Tolu said as I picked up the phone on the third ring. Surprise? Had she found out already? Oh my!
“okay.” I breathed, expecting the worst. ‘What is it?’
“I’m going to Jos for a 2-day conference and my boss won’t change his mind.’
‘C’mon Tolu, shey na the surprise be that?’ I asked, exhaling calmly at my end. So she didn’t know. Yet.
‘Yes, and Duke is so busy at work these days, we barely see.’
Of course. There was the other woman to keep him busy.
‘So long as it’s work and not some other stuff keeping him away, ‘I said, unsure of how to bring in the topic of her cheating husband.
After my last chat with Nkoro, I’d gone and made my own findings. What I discovered was not nice at all. It wasn’t just an affair; it had blossomed into a relationship, my source had reliably informed me. I itched to fly down to Nigeria and beat the hell out of the stupid slut that was sleeping with my friend’s husband, but tickets are not free and really, at the end of the day, she and Duke were adults who ought to know better.
‘Of course it’s work. He’s so busy that he gets home too tired to eat dinner on some days.’ She remarked.
Great.
Did this girl just emerge as the picture perfect icon for dumb or what? I tried to keep the anger out of my voice. I figured as long as I steered away from the topic of her husband, I’d be fine.
‘So what’s this your conference about that you have to be the one to leave your husband in Lagos and go to that cold city alone?’
‘It’s a summit for the financial times big four, and because of the major accounts I brought in, he feels its insightful to let me go.’
‘Okay o. sha take plenty cardigans and blanket, and try to cover yourself with the blood of Jesus.’
‘I hear you. So how are work and the man in your life, Konipolous abi Konkoni?’
‘Shebi you know you’re not alright? He’s Konistipolous, and he’s heir to an empire in Greece o. Better start being reasonable or else I won’t remember you when I get to my kingdom.’ I finished.
We moved on to other things, and her battery was almost dead so she had to go. I sighed to myself.
Is true love an illusion? Here was a girl who, all her life, had never slept with anyone, saving herself for her wedding night. And then bam! The shit of her life was set to hit the fan.
Again I ask, is true love an illusion?




Unita.
The following Monday I rushed home from work, speeding through the toll gate and narrowly missing being brushed by an angry Toyota Sienna driver. Despite what Duke had said, I didn’t believe he had a wife in this lagos. How can he be married?
I knew guys like him don’t stay on the husband market for long. I pulled into the parking space in front of my house, leapt out and dashed into my flat. The tears were threatening to spill again.
I flung myself on the couch and broke down.
Was this it for me? All my life’s struggles, all my pain, all the shame of being fat, my supposed victories; everything was leading up to me being pregnant for a married man?
It all started coming back to me; the public holidays he just couldn’t see me, and how something always came up at the last minute. I remembered with pain searing through the muscles of my heart how he seemed so tender, so attentive to feminine details, so caring. How could I not have known?
And why had I been so stupid to get pregnant?
All the time we were together, it was a wonderful fantasy. Now it was never going to become a reality. I’d trusted that we’d one day live happily ever after, but he’d not been honest with me.
I thought of how to inform my parents. They were Witnesses, and frowned on any relationship that was outside our fold. My cousins had all married fellow Witnesses and my parents would expect me to do the same. Now I’d gone and made matters worse by getting pregnant out of wedlock.
The most upsetting of all was that Nkoro was going to bitch about it. I didn’t like that she would sound like the better person again, and tell me how careless I was. She would berate me endlessly on how I didn’t do my necessary findings, and say in that her self-righteous tone ‘This is Lagos now, Uni, you must have known someone who knows someone who knows his wife.’
Their wedding date had been picked, and I had even helped them make arrangements for their honeymoon in Barbados. I could never get it right, not where Nkoro was involved.
She was going to be a bride, and then wife.
A rich, beautiful, thin wife.
I was going to be a fat, pregnant-out-of-wedlock friend.
I wailed alot more than an octave higher.


Tolu.
I had just returned to my hotel room and was preparing to pack my bag. Jos had turned out to be more fun than I thought. The beautiful rocks, the quietness and serenity, the unhurried pace at which people moved around, it was simply amazing. I’d eaten so much kilishi my jaws ached, and some lady I met from the conference promised to take me out for a plate of masa this evening.
I was going to check out the next morning so I hurriedly put my stuffs together and went to shower. I was toweling my body when Duke called me.
‘Are you free to talk’ he demanded as soon as I picked up.
‘Yes.’ I wondered about the urgency in his voice
‘Okay. I’d like you to please listen to me, Tolu. Listen to me, I beg you, and forgive me’
‘Duke? Baby, what is it? What have you done?’ I exclaimed. ‘I’m flying in tomorrow morning and we can talk about it’
‘Alright then, but just know that no matter what happens, I truly love you; I swear I do’
‘I know you do darling, I know.’ I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. ‘I love you too darling.’
Duke hung up without saying goodbye. He must have really thought about his attitude towards me these days. I could forgive that, after all that was what marriage was about.
I brought out my dirty clothes and called downstairs to notify the laundry service I had items to clean. I couldn’t wait to get back and make up properly with my husband.
Perhaps from this point on, marriage would be bliss.



Duke
‘Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t stab you in the balls.’ Unita asked, pacing back and forth across the living room.
She’d started in on me as soon as I walked in through the door. She didn’t pick up her calls on Saturday after I left; she wouldn’t see me on Sunday or take my calls either. It took begging at the kitchen door for several minutes for her to even let me in.
‘Unita, this isn’t the time for all of that.’ I protested. ‘I acknowledge my wrong and apologize for misleading you, but I think from this point on we should think of the way forward’
‘You cross-eyed dickless unflushable toilet son of a pregnant dustbin, you more than misled me!’ she flung a pillow at me, and I caught it right on time. I deserved her anger, but it wasn’t going to help the situation at hand. ‘you wooed me, slept with me repeatedly and led me into believing we had a future together.’ She screamed.
Wow. Future together? I knew I really liked her, and I didn’t mind that she was good in bed, but Tolu had me hooked with her humility and domesticity. Unita didn’t even cook regularly unless she wanted to show off. And that strong angular face that was always ready for an argument? I got tired of this and wanted to just go home, but someone had to be reasonable here.
‘you this lowlife pig, you knew you were married and you slept with me without using a condom.’ She bellowed.
Ok. This accusations were going too far. If I was stupid, was she too? I didn’t say a word. I just leaned against the wall of the room and let her thow it all at me, the accusations, the insults, the names. She kept them coming. I kept quiet. In fact, her raging body clad in a transparent peach nightie turned me on, and I cursed myself. This was what got me into trouble in the first place.
‘and now what are we going to do.’
Finally. She had run out of steam, and was calm enough to listen to me.
‘I’d like to tell my wife, but lets sort things out at this end first’ I said.
‘it’s obvious you’ve thought it out.’ She said ‘I have to tell my parents too, so let's hear you.’
‘thanks. First, Tolu and I are legally married, so you and I cant possibly get married’ I grimaced. She was right, I was a fool. What was I even looking for in the first place?
She began to massage her forehead with her hand, but she said nothing.
‘Whatever you decide, I will stand by you.’
‘I’m keeping the baby, you know.’
I sighed. I hadn’t thought of the ‘baby’. It was still ‘pregnancy’ to me. So the twins had a step-sibling even before birth. What a way to start fatherhood.
‘You may not marry me, but you will in every way be responsible for this baby, I promise you that. And I am giving you 24 hours to tell your wife else I’m telling her myself’ she said.
I stood against the wall still, my mouth agape. She waited a few seconds to see if I would say anything, I didn’t. She pressed on.
‘I want to have my baby in the States, and I don’t want anyone of your family members calling me names. You’re the only one who’s going to be involved with my baby’
What was this one saying? I closed my mouth and smiled bitterly. I’d finally bitten more than I could chew.

new post up
http://allladiesgistparlor..com/2015/08/waves-of-emotions_25.html

New post up

http://allladiesgistparlor..com/2015/08/waves-of-emotion_20.html

Good afternoon, I didn't go awol on purpose. I have tried to post several times and I keep getting an error massage. I have mailed the mod of this section but nothing has been done about it. It's frustrating, but I'll leave the link to my blog here for those interested.
Thanks.
http://allladiesgistparlor..com/2015/08/waves-of-emotions_7.html

zaynie:
Bae, chill. I'm sure it is the network.
Try later in the day.

Thanks ma. I was wondering o, and this swift be claiming alpha and omega of internet.

It will post these useless comments, but not the story. Please which mod can I talk to? Or else I'll just take all posts down and continue on my blog only. Wth.

This is so hopeless. I give up.

Can't post because I keep getting an error occurred message from nairaland. So annoying.