₦airaland Forum

10 COMMANDMENTS OF MARRIAGE ☼





Commandment 1.
Marriages are made in heaven.
But so again, are thunder and lightning.



Commandment 2.
If you want your spouse to listen and
pay strict attention to every word you say,
talk in your sleep.



Commandment 3.
Marriage is grand --
and divorce is at least 100 grand!



Commandment 4.
Married life is very frustrating.
In the first year of marriage,
the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks
and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and
the neighbors listen.



Commandment 5.
When a man opens the door of his car
for his wife, you can be sure of one thing:
Either the car is new or the wife is.




Commandment 6.
Marriage is when a man and woman
become as one; the trouble starts when
they try to decide which one.



Commandment 7.
Before marriage, a man will lie awake
all night thinking about something you
said. After marriage, he will fall asleep
before you finish.



Commandment 8.
Every man wants a wife who is beautiful,
understanding, economical, and a good
cook. But the law allows only one wife.



Commandment 9.
Every woman wants a man who is handsome,
understanding, economical and a considerate
lover, but again, the law allows only
one husband.



Commandment 10.
Man is incomplete until he marries.
After that, he is finished.



Bonus Commandment story.
A long married couple came upon a wishing well.
The wife leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.
The husband decided to make a wish too.

But he leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.
The wife was stunned for a moment but then smiled, "It really works!"

A holy man was having a conversation with the Lord one day and said," Lord, I would like to know what Heaven and Hell are like." The Lord led the holy man to two doors. He opened one of the doors and the holy man looked in. In the middle of the room was a large round table. In the middle of the table was a large pot of stew which smelled delicious and made the holy man's mouth water. The people sitting around the table were thin and sickly. They appeared to be famished. They were holding spoons with very long handles that were strapped to their arms and each of them found it possible to reach into the pot of stew, and take a spoonful, but because the handle was longer than their arms, they could not get the spoon back into their mouths.

The holy man shuddered at the sight of their misery and suffering. The Lord said, "You have seen Hell."

They went to the next room and opened the door. It was exactly the same as the first one. There was the large round table with the large pot of stew, which made the holy man's mouth water. The people were equipped with the same long-handled spoons, but here the people were well-nourished and plump, laughing and talking.

The holy man said, "I don't understand." "It is simple" said the Lord, "it requires but one skill." "You see, they have learned to feed each other, while the greedy, only think of themselves."

Beauty of Math!
1 x 8 + 1 = 9
12 x 8 + 2 = 98
123 x 8 + 3 = 987
1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876
12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765
123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654
1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543
12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432
123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321

1 x 9 + 2 = 11
12 x 9 + 3 = 111
123 x 9 + 4 = 1111
1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111
12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111
123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111
1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111
12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111
123456789 x 9 +10= 1111111111

9 x 9 + 7 = 88
98 x 9 + 6 = 888
987 x 9 + 5 = 8888
9876 x 9 + 4 = 88888
98765 x 9 + 3 = 888888
987654 x 9 + 2 = 8888888
9876543 x 9 + 1 = 88888888
98765432 x 9 + 0 = 888888888
987654321 x 9 - 1 = 8888888888
9876543210 x 9 - 2 = 88888888888

Brilliant, isn't it?
And look at this symmetry:
1 x 1 = 1
11 x 11 = 121
111 x 111 = 12321
1111 x 1111 = 1234321
11111 x 11111 = 123454321
111111 x 111111 = 12345654321
1111111 x 1111111 = 1234567654321
11111111 x 11111111 = 123456787654321
111111111 x 111111111=123456789 87654321

Once upon a time there was a nice young man called Karim.
He used to sell caps for a living, and roam
around several villages. One day he would be in
Mughalsarai, the other day people would find him in
Faizabad.

It was an afternoon in summer and he was traversing
the vast plains when he felt tired and wanted to have
a nap. He found a nice mango tree with lots of
branches and cool shade, placed his bag of caps beside
him and went to sleep.

Tired as he was, he was quickly fast asleep. When he
woke up after a refreshing little nap, he found that
there weren't any caps in his bag! "Oh, Allah!", he
said to himself, "Did the thieves have to find me of
all people?" But then he noticed that the mango tree
was full of cute monkeys wearing colourful caps!

He yelled at the monkeys and they screamed back. He
made faces at them and found the monkeys to be experts
at that. He threw a stone at them and they showered
him with raw mangoes.

"Ya Allah, how do I get my caps back," he said.
Frustrated, he took off his own cap and slammed it on
the ground. And lo, the stupid monkeys threw their
caps too! Smart Karim didn't waste a second, collected
the caps and was on his way.


50 Years later ,

Young Abdul, grandson of famous topiwala Karim who was
also working hard at making $$$ doing his family
business, was going through the same jungle. After a
long walk he was very tired and found a nice mango
tree with lots of branches and cool shade. Abdul
decided to rest a while and very soon was fast asleep.
A few hours later, when Abdul woke up, he realised
that all the caps from his bag were gone! Abdul
started searching for the same and to his surprise
found some monkeys sitting on mango tree wearing his
caps. Abdul was frustrated and didn't know what to do.
And then he remembered a story his grandfathers
proudly used to let him.

"Yes!!!! I can fool these monkeys!!!", said Abdul.
"I'll make them imitate me and very soon I'll get all
my caps back!"

Abdul waved at the monkeys -- the Monkeys waved at
Abdul
Abdul blew his nose -- the Monkeys blew
their noses
Abdul started dancing -- the Monkeys were
also dancing
Abdul pulled his ears -- the Monkeys
pulled their ears
Abdul raised his hands -- the Monkeys
raised their hands
Abdul threw his cap on the ground ,
, one of the monkeys jumped down from the tree,
picked the cap, walked up to Abdul; slapped him and
said "Idiot!!! Do you think IT'S ONLY YOU WHO HAD A GRANDFATHER??"

that is great. the guyz no get money to pay. na naija sense be dat. good and cool. keep it up

This is real life story but kind funny.

Sometimes ago, an illiterate old mother visited her daughter in the city. She decided to stay with them for few days. While there she became friendly with her daughter's neighbours which are young men namely Mathew, John and Saidi-popularly called "Papa Jagoo".

A preacher met this old woman one day and decided to preach to her. The pracher started off and quoted many Bibles verses mostly from the books of St. Matthew and John. At a moment this old woman stopped the preacher and accused him of being partial.
The preacher was surprised and ask the old woman why she felt he was partial. The old illiteraite woman said, "well, I have been patience enough, all this while you have been quoting from the book of Mathew and John. Cant you also qoute from the book of Papa Jagoo too?""

mine is jan 21. do i get a b'day mate?

TAKE ONE!TAKE ONE!!
There was this wicked king in a village years back who ruled with iron hand.He sent two of his servants, an errand to his friend in the next village. Along the road, the passed by the graveyard which was surrounded all about with mango trees with a lot of ripe fruits on them. They decided to pluck and sell them whenever they get back to the village. They gathered the whole fruits behind a low fence also sorrounding the graveyard. Meanwhile two of the friuts fell behind the fence when plucking. After few hours of doing that they discovered they were getting late, they rush back to the village without getting to the next town and formed series of lies when reporting back to the king. They left hurriedly back to where they kept the friuts and decided to share it equally by picking them one after the other.

The king sent another set of servants to the next town again. On getting to the graveyard, they overheard the other two servants sharing the fruits while hiding behind the fence saying "take One" while the other will reply too, "take one". These servants were sore afraid and ran back to the king and said they, heard God and the Devil sharing the bodies at the graveyard. The king followed them to the scene out of annoyance to witness it by himself.

On getting to the scene, he was astonished about it and decided to wait and see what will happen next. By then they had almost finished sharing the fruits and one of them remebered and said, "what about the two outside" refering to the two mangoes that fell outside the fence. Meanwhile, it was the king and one of his servants that were outside the grave at that moment. The king knowing full well of his share wickedneess fled forgetting his crown behind because he was so sure its the devil that will pick him.

that is cool men.keep it up

that is a nice joke, bro. keep it up

VAT INCREASE!!!
We were standing at a newspaper stand during the last VAT increase, glancing through the pages of the papers as we could no affort to pick one.(You understand now-free readers association). An ederly man walked up to join us. After reading the caption on the first paper that says "Federal Govt increase VAT to 10%". The man shouted "whaaaat". We were all shocked at the sound of the noise that everyone had to listen to what he got to say. He countinued,"why, why? How can govt increase VAT" Everyone noticed the anger in this man and we started to wonder what could have been so wrong in govt increasing VAT to amount to such furiousity. Afterall VAT increase was meant for the whole country and why was he taking it personal. Still confused, a teenager that saw this scene walked up to the man and asked out of curiousity. "sir, what is the meaning of VAT"
We were all shocked at the man's response, when he said, "VAT? I don't even know the meaning"

VAT INCREASE!!!
We were standing at a newspaper stand during the last VAT increase, glancing through the pages of the papers as we could no affort to pick one.(You understand now-free readers association). An ederly man walked up to join us. After reading the caption on the first paper that says "Federal Govt increase VAT to 10%". The man shouted "whaaaat". We were all shocked at the sound of the noise that everyone had to listen to what he got to say. He countinued,"why, why? How can govt increase VAT" Everyone noticed the anger in this man and we started to wonder what could have been so wrong in govt increasing VAT to amount to such furiousity. Afterall VAT increase was meant for the whole country and why was he taking it personal. Still confused, a teenager that saw this scene walked up to the man and asked out of curiousity. "sir, what is the meaning of VAT"
We were all shocked at the man's response, when he said, "VAT? I don't even know the meaning"

A FRIEND SENT ME THIS I TOUGHT YOU WILL LIKE IT











 


 


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YOUR JOKE IS REALLY GREAT. KEEP IT UP

THIS IS REALLY GREAT.SO ALL THE 12 YEARS TRAINING OF THE PARROT GONE INTO THE POT.THE JOKE IS COOL FRIEND[flash=200,200][/flash]