₦airaland Forum

Take solace in the fact that you even have admission and are in your final stages, while so many others are yet to even gain admission.

It took me four solid years to gain admission while my peers were graduating or almost graduating. Here i am now, a full graduate, working for more than 4 yrs while those before me are yet to even get jobs not to talk of counting number of working yrs.

Keep faith, u will overcome

She's got a better offer than you proposed for valentine..

If she is ur first option, better have a rethink

It is good to Thank God for everything...in everything, give thanks

However, the OP is right in pointing out how unscrupulous we as Nigerians can be, using God's name in vain.

Can't u send him a pm rather than opening a thread with an unknown id?

Ever been in the middle of a heated argument when suddenly the other person pulls out their phone and starts texting?

If the answer is yes, and if you find it happening constantly, we hope that person isn't your significant other.

This behavior, known as stonewalling, is one of four reactions that John Gottman, a psychologist at the University of Washington and the founder of the Gottman Institute, has identified as a telltale sign that all is not well with a married couple.

In fact, when Gottman and University of California-Berkeley psychologist Robert Levenson lumped stonewalling together with three other behaviors — contempt, criticism, and defensiveness — and measured how often they occurred within the span of a 15-minute conversation, they found they could predict which marriages would end in divorce with striking precision.

When the psychologists added questions about things like relationship satisfaction and how many times the research subjects had thoughts about separating to the mix, they could predict which marriages would end in divorce 93% of the time.

The figure, which comes from a 14-year study of 79 couples living across the US Midwest (21 of whom divorced during the study period), was so striking it spurned the researchers to label the four behaviors "the four horsemen of the apocalypse."

While that initial study, published in 2002, was small and focused on a specific population, a decade of research into marriage and divorce has lent further support to the idea that divorce is associated with specific negative behaviors.

One recent study of 373 newlywed couples, for example, found that couples who yelled at each other, showed contempt for each other, or shut off conversation about an issue within the first year of marriage were more likely to divorce as far as 16 years down the road.

So what do these four "apocalyptic" behaviors actually look like in a relationship?

1. Contempt
Contempt, a virulent mix of anger and disgust, is far more toxic than simple frustration or negativity. It involves seeing your partner as beneath you, rather than as an equal.

This behavior alone, says Gottman, is "the kiss of death" for a relationship.

Take an everyday argument about buying groceries, for example. When you come home and realize your significant other has picked up habanero peppers rather than bell peppers for tonight's stir-fry dinner, do you listen while he explains that perhaps you didn't ever tell him what type of pepper you wanted? Do you think this over, and, when you realize that maybe he's right, do you apologize? Or do you adopt an attitude and think to yourself, What kind of an idiot doesn't know that bell peppers are for stir-fry and habaneros are for salsa?

The reason contempt is so powerful is because it means you've closed yourself off to your partner's needs and emotions.

If you constantly feel smarter than, better than, or more sensitive than your significant other, you're not only less likely see his or her opinions as valid, but, more important, you're far less willing to try to put yourself in his or her shoes to try to see a situation from his or her perspective.

2. Criticism
Like contempt, criticism involves turning a behavior (something your partner did) into a statement about his or her character (the type of person he or she is).

Say your partner has a nasty habit of leaving his or her used cereal bowl — calcified, uneaten cereal-and-milk remnants and all — around the house.

Do you wait until he or she gets home to mention that the behavior bothers you, and gently suggest that he or she put the emptied bowl in the sink or dishwasher instead? Or do you think to yourself, "Why am I dating the type of person who abandons half-eaten cereal bowls around the house?"

Over time, these personal detractions can add up, feeding darker feelings of resentment and contempt.

3. Defensiveness
If you find yourself regularly playing the victim in tough situations with your partner, you might be guilty of being defensive.

Take being late to a cousin's wedding, for example. Are you the first to say, "It wasn't my fault!" when you finally arrive? Or do you think it over before you accuse the other person, realizing you probably shouldn't have taken a 2-hour shower when you only had an hour to get ready?

Taking responsibility for your role in a tough situation can be uncomfortable, but it's often what keeps a bad situation from escalating, says Gottman.

He's found that for couples who divorce within the first several years of their marriage — one of the times when divorce rates are highest — "entering negativity is like stepping into a quicksand bog. It’s easy to enter but hard to exit."

4. Stonewalling
You know when an argument is about to start. You can feel your heart rate increase and your voice get just a tiny bit louder. But the moment things start to get heated, do you pull out your phone, walk away, or simply ignore your partner?

Blocking off conversation can be just as toxic for a relationship as contempt because it keeps you from addressing an underlying issue.

We know: Getting into arguments with your partner is the opposite of a good time. But these temporarily uncomfortable situations are oftentimes the place where you can start to come to big realizations about your own behavior and solve potentially damaging problems.

Don't panic
It's important to keep in mind that occasionally displaying any one of these behaviors — or all of them, even — is completely normal.

It's when these negative behaviors happen so frequently that they replace more positive interactions with your partner that can be cause for concern.

Simply recognizing that you're doing something that could be hurting your relationship is the first step to actively combating it. If you can figure out how to avoid the behavior or replace it with a more positive one, you'll probably make the relationship even stronger.



source: http://www.businessinsider.com/4-behaviors-can-predict-divorce-2015-1#ixzz3RL85aH2W

spenca:
Am not an atheist am a Devout Muslim.

Ooh, my bad! Nice knowing u by the way

spenca:
The term dead is only applicable to the earth so when you talk about death or relating it to the "afterlife" is totally meaningless because it is said to be eternal[b] if truly it exist [/b],so there is not use of death in an endless life

Hmmm...u appear to be an Atheist, which by the way is cool. It opens ur mind to logical reasoning.
Last Bullet, I totally agree with u

Save ur pride, u can do it on the second visit

I hope it extends to private workers

ohaleoghene:
I usually feel like killing myself after self service. it affects my morning prayers... shy... I told him I self service he didn't take it well.

I'm shocked that ur guy gets upset wen u tell him. I encourage my lady to touch herself whenever the need arises. It's so much better than cheating as I cannot bear the thought

U have conditioned ur mind to feel masturbation is a sin and so it plays out every time u carry out the act.
For the record, masturbation is healthy, safe and free from any form of infection. If that's all u can do to keep ur self from cheating, then pls do

cao:
There was no need to duplicate the thread, update this one.
@StPete aren't all Saints dead? If I remember correctly that's a major pre-requisite to Sainthood, except if you're a member of of the group All Saints, that might be awkward...

EDIT: I've updated the original post.

I quite disagree that Saints are dead. Peter as an Apostle is dead. But as a Saint, he's a living being existing at the afterlife. Dead ppl cannot intercede on our behalf, only the living

Dating should be abolished for people like u who worship ladies. What arrant nonsense!

The guy been taller or finer than u was not d reason she left u, u wallow in self-pity and ur inferiority complex must hav really made her to change her mind.

Why should u allow an ordinary girl make u feel so worthless? What a shame!

Get up from ur self-pity, dust ur shoes and make her feel you are so much better off without her. Make her know that her not dating u means nothing to u, but rather she is missing out on a lot. I swear the next time I hear u cry about her again, I'll look for one good cane for u

cao:
You really need to elaborate...'two console' do you mean two controllers or are you selling 2 more consoles with the PS4? Plus pictures would also be helpful. And I doubt StPete is psychic despite his name being that of a dead Saint, he can't call a number that isn't there.

Lmao...did u hav to put d 'dead' with the Saint?

frankymiller:
I wish it was that easy,we live in the same apartment complex.

Sorry bro, I guess you're a married man already. I've exhausted my ideas

frankymiller:
you just dont understand,i pray you dont find yourself in such a precarious situation.

It's simple, stop picking her calls, give her excuses not to meet, ignore her msgs, with time she would get the drift

Should i manufacture a number to call?

iceberylin:
"Bae, its over ....
very easy

E tire me o. The guy had the 'liver' to toast but he doesn't have the guts to break up

But not too long ago, they re-built most part of the Barracks after it was destroyed during the fracas between the Police and the Army

How much? And where?

...

If I'd be blunt with u, I'd rather u leave cos you'd remain unhappy for the rest of ur life or u could be tempted to harm the 'slut'.

Some desperate women would rather just create problems for men all because they never want him to be happy. Having a child for a man when he never actually wanted it is the worst feeling ever.

olu77:
Easy access might not be a yardstick to determine the quality of a wife.

How about those who tell u to wait till after marriage while they go about screwing someone else?

How are we supposed to know na? OP are u afraid to ask her?

How can u be 30+ and still cannot find out any reason why ur girl is acting the way she is? If u don't know, ask her and stop asking people who don't even know her

Whether first date or last, a good girl will always be a good girl

13 years old kwa? That girl isn't small o. She may even have eloped with a young boy. we pray for her safe return