Jeezuzpick:

Crazy person! See how you made me laugh!

lol

Sometimes you reach a point where you're not mad, or even sad, you're just fu¢king done.

Confess nothing to the sea for it will carry your secret across the waves and through the fog and under the ships to some lighthouse keeper who's no longer aroused by pretty moths and shapely light bulbs, dying to know something you wouldn't tell any two-bit fishbowl therapist

First person to discover soap: I must boil the fat from this animal with ashes and then rub it all over my body. Only then will I truly be clean.

Friend: Dude, is everything okay at home?

Bob Marley's last words were 'Money can't buy life'.

When a cockroach touches a human it runs to safety to clean itself.

Computer: Prove you’re not a robot.

Me: *struggles to find all the road signs*

Computer: Maybe prove it to yourself first. I’ll wait.
*refreshes condescendingly*

Me: SHUT UP! I CAN DO THIS!

Anybody wanna listen to some punk and make bad decisions?

Grab your insecurities, we're going for a ride.

I declare tomorrow as National Listen to Music and Smoke Weed allday Day.

I hope you'll celebrate along with me.

Does anyone know the number of virgins I need to sacrifice to get my wireless charger to work?

My jnr brother has just reset the WiFi password and now, when people come around and want to connect to it, I have to unabashedly say...

LordTesteWinstonJuniorThe4thAKAyoungPussyBaconAKAbootyCrumpet69

Kids are such fun.

I thought BDSM meant burgers, dogs, salads, and marshmallows, and now no one from Church is coming to my cookout

All I’m saying is if you plug in your phone and it’s already at 100%, it should go to like 105% or something.

We all did not see this one coming

Be careful when you follow the Masses. Sometimes the 'M' is silent.

Marijuana is illegal but has never caused any deaths from usage, Cigarettes kills millions and they are legal and can be purchased anywhere.

SolexxBarry:


Dude is in sifia pains,breakup is not the end bro

I'm advising someone here in Nairaland, I know he is reading

Be with those that bring out the best in you, not the stress in you.

If your mind is consumed with too many details, the details will distract you and pull you down. Simplify your life, and don’t give too much importance to the little things. What difference does it make?