₦airaland Forum

riadrims: It has nothing to do with his parents! She lacks training. What is marriage in the first instant? I am a lawyer by training and don't see how kidnapping comes into play. If she wasn't in agreement on that day,there are better ways of handling it without involving his parents. Was the@ op right? NO,he tried to be high handed but it backfired. Am happy,she has kids. May her in laws treat her the way she treats her in laws now. I tire for some women!

And what is marriage. Could you please enlighten us. The way the OP is handling this matter could end up destroying the marriage.Yes our own reactions to a prevailing situation or attitude ends up making the problem worse.
After all this is his wife we are talking about. He should have understood her thoroughly by now after so many years and 2 Children.
He even confessed to hating seeing his wife and child together which demonstrates that he has a perverted manipulated soul.

Indulgent post by the poster who can't bear not getting his own way. Well you are now married so deal with that. That means the happiness of your wife and children should be priority numero uno.
Quite foolish of some male control freaks here saying he should break up his home because of his parents. Okay if he does that and gets married to another woman what is the guarantee that thee next one won't start acting up even more.

Aggrippa: you can say that again....lol at bolded, so true, some peeps are artisists when it come to these activities! all manner of bedacrobactics

Its not funny but a very serious matter. A lot of men have led promiscuous lives, before marriage and have slept with all manner of ashawos and runz girls hence they expect their wives to act like porn stars. If such men become Christians I strongly recommend that they go for a thorough deliverance BEFORE marriage so as too keep the matrimonial bed undefiled.

Adeebiwa09: Governor, let me make something clear. Whether as fore-play or sexual activity, d question is, is it ok to have o_ral s>ex with one's married partner? Nobody is talking about 3some or what have you. When you fetish involves some thing else from your partner or any other strange thing, we already know its wrong, thank God you said "DEGRADING FETISH" it means there are fetish that are not degrading, good.
And for the nth time sodomy is about homosexuality. Please, don't preach religion, that is giving the church a bad image.

That is even filthy and disgusting. A man should treat his wife's body with honour and respect. Is it too much to ask that a husband should not subject his wife to abnormal repulsive acts?

Adeebiwa09: Governor, let me make something clear. Whether as fore-play or sexual activity, d question is, is it ok to have o_ral s>ex with one's married partner? Nobody is talking about 3some or what have you. When you fetish involves some thing else from your partner or any other strange thing, we already know its wrong, thank God you said "DEGRADING FETISH" it means there are fetish that are not degrading, good.

And for the nth time sodomy is about homosexuality. Please, don't preach religion, that is giving the church a bad image.

Is your partner a toy or does she resemble a rag doll. What is wrong with checking and eliminating the animal and devilish desires and acting a normal moderate manner when you are with your spouse.
What is even bringing about these kind of orgiastic questions. Is it not watching porn and losing the spirit of self control and so becoming obsessed with deriving inordinate pleasure from the body. At the end of these orgiastic acts what is the gain?

Aggrippa: you guys should remember that these things you are talking about are elements of sodom and Gomorrah.they all encourage perverseness, debauchery and the likes! if one continues in these thought pattern, that person will soon become a sodom expert and leave his or marriage and graduate to start having 3somes, 4somes, groups and other degrading fetishes. dont envy people like Silvio Beluscunni who was removed because of the group parties he always partcipated in.

And that is a very pragmatic point. Logically these abnormal acts don't bring any lasting satisfaction hence the craving to become more and more perverted and do more disgusting and filthy acts with one's body. We are not ANIMALS after all but higher beings created in the image of God.

It is perversion as well as being downright wrong and dumb take it or leave it. It is good to do normal things and to treat our bodies with respect as temples of the Lord

vickyO: Nice post @ op
Abstinence is still the best form of playing safe.
Jeez, I rather abstain than bother myself with all these control methods, what if I forget to use it? what if the mood gets so intense and we lose control?
Any thing can happen when you're having sex. And the fact that it is done premaritally makes it a more delicate situation.
And as for the gullible 15 year olds, theirs is more like a sorry case.
How can a 30 year old man ask you for sex and you go ahead?
Any ways, I believe upbringing differs and exposure matters.
Just abstain from sex and you'll have no cause to worry about STDs.

On point Vicky. You've absolutely nailed it.

shine12: Also a black child can easily end up not going to the University if He/She's parent does not have enough money in the US (Imagine how can being able to afford a University education depends on you being able to jump high like a chimpanzee and dunk a basketball that 99.9% of the fellow spectators are white any ways, this is modern day gladiators man), in UK you are guaranteed a government loan if you are a citizen and all you need is your grade.
Also, I know loads of black people in the UK doing really great and making a difference.
People will always be racist,so as Nigerians and the last time I listened to some Nigerian parents, they confessed how they will never allow their kids to marry people from a particular part of the country or the world.

Very misleading account as to how the funding of university/college education in US works. There is no way a US black student would be denied admission for lack of funds if he makes the grades. There are loads of scholarships available to poor students in what is a very philanthropic country as well as there being federal backed student loans which operate similarly to the Student loan system in England. It does not have to be a sports scholarship.

ketoprofen: Yes, as a former capital, it was built and equipped with infrastructures that attract populations and corporate bodies, embassies, high commissions, etc.
That's y it has much population.
And don't forget the British made it their base and put those companies there.

To be fair its more than that. Most companies like to set up in Lagos because that is where the market is and that is where graduates come to look for work. Hence the number of banks , insurance companies legal and accounting firms situated in Lagos
The presence of a natural harbour makes it an ideal location for companies involved in the import/export business.
However the state of infrastructure is grossly inadequate to cope with demand for good transport water supply and disposal, sanitation and public security services.

deb: There are over 4million houses built in Lagos. And except we have only 1person living within each house, no spouse & children; no tenants & homeless people, then the population of lagos is not up to 20million.

Only an idiot will believe the political figure our fraudulent govt ascribed to Lagos to short-change the state. Even the international bodies disagree wiith the fraudulent figure as they recognise lagos as one of the fastest populated city in the world.

Where did you get your figures from. Anyone can come online and start mentioning millions. It is simply not true. By the way most of the population resides in the old Lagos Mainland and Lagos Island. The outlying areas of Badagry and Epe are sparsely populated. In other words the population density and settlement pattern is not uniform.
Simply put Lagos State does not have the modern infrastructure to maintain a population of 20 million. The true population is between 5 and 10 million

cap28: Tensor what is your understanding of the word "legacy".
the dictionary defines legacy as anything handed down from the past, as from an ancestor or predecessor for eg: the legacy of ancient Rome.
Wealth can be handed down to future generations and poverty, ignorance, illiteracy and backwardness can also be handed down - now if your ancestors were discriminated against, banned from educating themselves by law, banned from owning land by law, banned from setting up businesses by law, banned from voting in order to change their situation by law, what kind of legacy do you think you would inherit from such ancestors?

Well my issue with you is that you hold on to this idea of perpetual victimhood. I believe that the African Americans have been able to overcome this legacy of slavery even if some of their adversaries don't stop reminding them of it. Playing the victim card leads nowhere.
We have had the Martin Luther King civil rights movement which led to the ending of segregation, we have had the affirmative action which is a form of quota system favourable to ethnic minorities.
The legacy they should inherit is the legacy of an overcomer.

sethken: And you seriously don't believe that slavery and systematic subjugation has a hand in the breakdown of the AA family? I believe it does. Whites in America post slavery, employed and continue to employ to this day, systematic policies designed to perpetually subjugate and keep especially African American males economically subordinate to their White male counterparts. The election of Barack Obama has not made things better, it has deepened the divide between Whites and Blacks. Whites understand that when you empower the man economically, you empower the society. Empowerment of the Black man carries along with it familial stability, and the overall growth of the black family. The White man understood this from slavery, and continue to understand this to date. The White man in America is also afraid of reprisal from the wrongs of the past. So, it is better to keep the Black man where he is, so that he will not lash out. Economic despondency in most Black communities brings about infighting among Blacks, in other words, divide and conquer. The Black man in America is his own worst enemy.

No I don't believe it for one salient reason . This breakdown of the family is a relatively recent phenomenon. It occurred in the post civil rights era of the 1970s and 1980s
Hitherto there is no evidence of the kind of breakdown we are witnessing today
Breakdown was and is mainly due to the flourishing drugs and narcotics trade which has proved a massive distraction for young black men in the inner cities. Its not just the temptation of beinng able to make quick money on the streets but the use and availability of these drugs to males of high school age has invariably affected school achievement and high school completion
(Note that in grade school blacks don't exhibit any deficiencies)
It becomes a vicious circle because without a high school diploma the possibility of getting a proper job of work and career is very diminished hence the ever present temptation to continue making quick paper on the streets . Consequence of this is incarceration and street combat with competitors in the illegal drug market.
However I must emphasize that this applies mainly to young black males living in the inner cities not blacks in the suburbs.

Uyi Iredia: You be better mumu ! These unskilled workers are way more skilled than you can ever imagine. Try carrying a bag of cement, or rice. You go faint. Kids be all Behind these day they won't carty block. Haba ! Laborers that build your houses, sweep ur streets at their risk, build all the wonddrful structures you praise Fashola for, many exploited ones in China built many of the devices (from Apole to Techno or Chinko phones) you enjoy. Your post is silly. It shows how much people didsain technical education, even disdain menial jobs which are VERY important. All of them depend on laborers leaving in shanties etc And you think they don't have a right to low-cost housing. You be mumu !

Yes but who is going to pay for all this . You make it seem as if the LASG has unlimited funds. How do you propose the maintenance of the accomodation blocks would be financed.. We are talking about water , electricity, sanitation.
You can not run government based on mere sentiment.

Uyi Iredia: * State schools still in bad shape. In truth, the state has a looong way to go in this area. Teachers still receive paltry sums. I was discussing last year (yesterday) with a former lesson teacher of mine. She said some new teachers get paid #10-15k monthly. Her school she teaches is not in good shape. In fact, forgetting the Millenium school at Oshodi which is airbrushed to show state achievements, and some haphazard renovations here and there, some even by concerned citizens. The state school infrastructure is still comatose. And BTW why did LASU students have to still be on strike despite the fact Fashola increased their fees ? That's mismanagement on LASG's part.

Good point about the state schools. To be honest the whole approach to secondary education in Lagos State is totally wrong. It seems to be about erecting new buildings sticking in blackboards desks and benches and then employing a few dozen teachers. Little is said about curriculum cotent quality of instructors , academic standards set and expected and discipline.
Maybe it is time to concentrate on quality education rather than this obsession with physical infrastructure

anonimi: I do not know of MillionS who are homeless. How did you know?
Statistics and data METICULOUSLY gathered by adequately motivated workers of Fashola's Social and Welfare Affairs ministry no doubt, abi

Good question. He claims that people are homeless which means they have no fixed address and no documentation and then purports to say that they run into millions. This in a scenario where the same government does not even have accurate data on people who a have fixed places of abode.

bakynes: 1.Do you think some pple in lagos have a home to be counted by the census guys? check wiki and see for yourself the population figure.Each time I go out am always stressed coz the congestion on d road, the hold up and from other states ve visited, ve never witnessed such stress so that also proves lagos population @ 20million is justified.
2.Did the budget for road construction pass through your table? for you to know it was done for 2-3 times the cost of Federal roads.

You CANNOT use holdup and road congestion to start making wild extrapolations and assumptions to come up with fanciful population projections.
It woulld be more honest for you to say you have no idea as to what the true population of Lagos State is . The Government would have to start MAINTAIN and updating detailed databases of state residents for example before coming up with any pprojections.
However it sounds totally ludicrous for Lagos State's population to be 20 million considering the creaking state of its pre-industrial infrastructure.
Anything between 5 to 10 million would be more accurate.

Uyi Iredia: 1}That's true BUT good local governance can cushion bad federal governance to an extent. The political structures and good use of them have helped a lot in such places BUT state governance can always be of tremendous importance. It safe to assume the 2008 mortgage housing bust in US affected each state differently because of policies each stag.te govt. put in place.
2}Big lie. Oil money funds Lagos (a good part). In fact all state govts.
3}Nonsense ! There is a middle class. Which kain stupidity be this o ! People wey dey by Samsung, iPads, tokunbo foreign cars etc poor so ? They are the middle class. Go back and do your economics well.
4}Okay. Mainly because you corrected my impression that govt largely financed it. Even then it's quite the waste. I think many of these estates being built are expensive. Funny thing is people will still forego them to negotiate with private landlords. That I know from experience.
Fo

@Iredia
1}Misleading statement. I know you were backtracking on your earlier statement but the truth is physical infrastructural development is the duty of the states not the Federal Government
2}That's true. Yes all the oil companies and banks have their headquarters in Lagos because historically Lagos is where the universiity graduates go and look for work. But that is not the same as Lagos having an intrinsic money generating industries like Silicion Valley in California. That said there is a thriving financial services industry, but where would it be without oil
3}The middle class is just 30% of the population which we can estimate as 150 million. That amounts to a whole 45 million people which is a gigantic market.
4}In view of our past experience I submit that Fashola should leave the financing and construction of Housing estates entirely to the private sector

PocketEconomist: Why the black in the USA remain down is because they CHOSE to be down. They say slavery, bla bla bla. My people (IGBO) lost everything 40 years ago, were excluded covertly from a lot of things, coupled with an unfair quota system(a hausa man score 50 stands a better chance than an igbo man who scores 110 in national exams) but we refused to be down, we fought our way through and 40 years later, we are better off economically and educationally. If the Afro americans can adopt such attitude, they will be better off.

But truly slavery can no longer be held as an excuse. I don't know of any serious intellectual in America uses that as an excuse. We shouldn't get things twisted and be very honest. Forget about the extreme views of posters like Cap28.
The single cause of the challenges in black America is neither racism or slavery but the breakdown of the family unit.

claremont: To be fair, the first two you mentioned only hit it big when they migrated to America. I have watched Idris Elba say in an interview that the movie industry in the UK is skewed to favour the white man.
It is very easy for me to say I work in so and so place, and I earn so and so, and then argue (albeit selfishly) that racism is not a barrier to progress in the UK; but the question is, what about the multitude of Nigerians and Africans I see every day with Masters degrees who work as bouncers, Security guards, Taxi drivers, and even Care workers. These people never chose to do these jobs, it is the system that has forced them to do these jobs in order to pay their bills.
Let's be honest with this issue please. I live and work in the UK, but I refuse to believe anyone who says that there are more opportunities for blacks here as compared to America. Racism exists in most developed countries, but on the balance of available statistics, I still think America is more liberalised when compared to the UK.

A very misleading post.Where do you work in fact? To be honest it would be more enlightening for readers if you were to talk about your own experiences of racism in England rather than just making assumptions about other Nigerians that work in England.
There are many reasons why people are working as security guards taxi drivers and care workers. It could be lack of papers, ignorance of viable job opportunities,lack of professional qualifications, lack of funds for further study, family pressures back home, lack of technical skills,etc
You cannot just assume that people that work in those areas do so because they are victims of racism. Having a "masters" does not give anybody a right to a prestiguous job in England nor does having a masters preclude the fact that the person is content with the job he currently has as long as it pays the bills.
There is nothing wrong with people giving their own personal experience of life in England or America and using it to rebut the preconceived notions and negative ideas that people have been spewing here.

shymexx: Tensor777

Here is a classic example of institutionalised racism. It's easier for an international student of any ethnicity to get into Oxbridge, than a black briton.


http://www.nytimes.com/2010/12/13/world/europe/13iht-educBriefs13.html?_r=0

^^^The article was copied from the Guardian UK by New York Times but I can't find the Guardian UK link.

The article says nothing that we don't know. How come only 452 Afro Carribean black secondary school students met the 2009 Oxford University admission requirements compared to 29000 white students who were prepared to go for a wide spectrum of courses.
It also says that those 452 tended to subscribe to the highly competitive courses like law and medicine meaning that those blacks were already top performers in their schools but even they could not get in to the courses of their choice.
It goes back to under-performance in secondary schools of black students.
The real question is why this segment of the population is under-performing in high school?
It is not even about just Oxford and Cambridge but the whole university system sees a gross under-representation of Afro Caribbean students.

shymexx: Yes, it's funny. I've seen worse in Stoke on Trent. However, I don't think they have little power, since those are the people the politicians design their campaigns for. And almost all the most widely read right-wing newspapers also appeal to them - from dailymail, to dailyexpress, to Telegraph etc..

You surprise me. These kind of people settle with the Sun. Daily mail is read by the middle classes whilst the telegraph is read by upper class well-educated gentlemen.
However their views on immigration have become mainstream and rightly so. That is why the politicians have started taking action against illegal immigrants.

Afam4eva: Can you prove that it was racist? So, just because a white man kills a black person, it must be racist but when it's white on white, it's what?

Actually I said it was not racist. The suspect was of Indian extraction anyway and well-known to Adaobi. It was not a random attack.

shymexx: How's it too early when black folks have been here since the 17th century? Is it also too early for Oxbridge to be discriminating against black folks in admissions into more technical courses? My point is that, the country is territorial and no matter how you look at it, the interests of the ethnic Brits would always be protected, hence, why the talking point of every election would always be about immigration.
Asians never had a head start - we got here before them. Olaudah Equaino was writing books in London in the 18th century before Asians got here. There were black communities in London, Liverpool and Bristol in the 18th century. However, I believe the Asians just have an advantage due to their distinct brotherhood, business ingenuity, ability to create wealth and the fact that they never went through what black folks went through.
Also, I honestly don't think the Caribbeans don't get the credits they deserve. They paved the way and most of the black folks at the top in the UK are of Caribbean descent. A lot of them are highly educated and very intelligent. It seems we just subconsciously think all of them are thugs based on what we see in everyday life. There are dregs in every culture - and Africans also aren't left out of the equation, if today's London is used as a yardstick, since Africans are over-represented among the thugs and gangsters in London.
Go to Chafford Hundred and see successful upper middle class Caribbeans. They're also all over North West London, West London, Surrey and Middlesex as well.

Very passionate post but I am yet to be convinced that the failings of the West Indian community in basic education as well as in family structure as manifested by single parent households is due to institutional racism. They have to take a hard look at themselves and not blame the white man.
Don't you see that without even a decent high school education in a developed post-industrial country like England a man is likely to be stuck in dead end menial jobs or the dole. That is when the temptation to make quick money on the streets arises.
However I am not saying there are no exceptions particularly among their females who are very smart but the men have their challenges.

Afam4eva: You're getting it all mixed up. Granted that America seems more crime prone than the UK and that's why you would see a lot of these scenarios that you have painted but it's not always about race. Was the Nigerian girl whose throat was slashed killed because she was Black? I doubt that very much as she was killed by her housemate that she has lived with for quite some time.

America is more violence prone not just more crime prone. They have a gun culture remember. However you are correct to say that the Adaobi lady's slaying was not a racist attack.

shymexx: I doubt the bold. I live around that axis. The people are a tad bit racist compared to greater London, especially Ockendon and Tilbury. That's where you might get pelted with eggs, however, it doesn't go beyond that. I think it has more to do with the type of white people around there, to be honest. The cockney accent having mofos have always been Brutish - add the crazy pikeys to the equation, then you would understand why they're like that.

Really that is the least kind of racism to worry about. It is a bit silly really. Just because BNP have their HQ at Tilbury does not mean that Essex is racist. It just means that their support is drawn from the white working class people. However these are people with very little power and really are not in the position to oppress anyone. Honestly those guys have their own self-esteem issues.

shymexx: I was alluding to the obvious ceiling in the corporate world for black folks (since Asians get a pass sometimes) no matter how qualified you're. Once you start working in the corporate UK, you would understand my point. Also, other miscellaneous things in various institutions.

Well its still too early to judge. Asians have had a head start remember. How many Jamos were ever that interested in higher education for example, talk less of making serious moves in the corporate world? This in a country which is 97% non-black and where the top jobs in industry and finance have traditionally gone to those with expensive Eton and Harrow and Oxbridge backgrounds.
However you should know that it is very competitive at the top. West Indians being under-represented in the corporate world compared to Asians has to do with their own values and lifestyle issues.
In other words you have not made the case for the existence of institutionalised racism.

shymexx: Both are the same when it comes to institutionalised racism. However, America is more openly racist in everyday life. Only in America would some white nutter tie a black person to a car and drag him around, yet the nutter won't get charged for murder till Al Sharpton starts complaining. That would never happen in the UK. Didn't a naija girl's neck got slashed in America a few week ago?

What is institutionalised racism. You need to be very explicit. There are checks and balances in the THE UK that prevent anyone from using an institution to victimise anyone.
However we need to be very careful with baseless comparisons as USA is a far more violent country than any country in Europe.

Afam4eva: I'm not necessarily comparing them to their mates in America. Rather i'm comparing them the openness of the British society to absorb these people in all spheres no matter how little their population may be.

Well if that is your argument then its not a fair comparison since America is far bigger than any country in the highly populous Europe. There is a limit to how many immigrants can be absorbed into any one European country.
But why are you talking about Hollywood when you could as well talk about how open the Premiership is to talents from all over the world.

Afam4eva: I'm not arguing about their nationality. I'm wondering how they were able to break into the mainstream American movie industry that's supposed to be racist but couldn't do so in the British theater. This has nothing to do with America being the mecca of entertainment. Infact, that should have even made it more difficult for some black blokes from another country becoming stars in Hollywood. Whichever way you try to dice it, America is way more opened than any country on earth. That's why an Arnold Schwarze-whatever despite not being born in America became the governor of America's third largest economy(California).

Your point is? Whoever said America is racist whatever that means.? Cap28? You cannot use his own extreme views to make a general point.
The truth is that anywhere in the West the cream always rises to the top. Blacks generally lead the way in the massive Entertainment industry in the USA.
Talent and hardwork and luck is the determining factor for sucess in the West not racism

GustavoFring: The british movie industry is nowhere as large as Hollywood...
So why is it surprising to you that British stars have had to troop to the US to chase their dream?
Ghanians must be racist too since Van Vicker made his name in Nollywood.

I am surprised really at the comparison he is making. It is simple marketing strategy for a black actor to go to Hollywood to chase his dreams rather than wasting time looking for theatrical parts in London or Paris.

Afam4eva: And don't the whites in America have their own music and comedy shows? And who's talking about hip hop. Are those Hip Hop movies not mostly made by Blacks themselves? I'm talking of blacks who have made it in mainstream American movies.

Well what is your point? Mainstream is code for white producer white director and white screenwriter.You are probably talking about such a movie where the main actor is a black man. However these guys tend to act out stereotypical roles as tough cops or combatant soldiers acting alongside a white partners.
However the truth is that in a competitive market blacks in America have already cornered the mainstream comedy and music. scene.