sonnie10:
My question now for OP is, how do you balance this budget. Income $1120 / Expenses $1200
Lets us not even consider the following;
Remember this is assuming you don't have a car, (auto insurance $120, petrol $200),
you are not paying tithe of giving offering $50 a month
You don't smoke or drink
No girlfriend
No cable Tv
No buying of cloths or shoes
No school fees
No water bill (your landlord pays)
No sending a Kobo home
you don't barb your hair( bought clipper)
No recreational actives

Funny but true. The question is for how long can the man put up with this existential lifestyle whilst his mates are living big in Nigeria and elsewhere.

deebsman1:

Do u know that everything you listed above and claiming you are paying money on are just big luxury to 95% of people living in nigeria. Point is if you are offered a service and you are enjoying the service, pls stop complaining cos u must pay for a service offered and enjoyed. If an average nigerian could get just 50% of the above listed, there won't be any reason to be hustling to want to go and die in "cold" oyinbo man's land.

You are missing the point. Its like those things he mentioned come with the package of living in America. Its not really part of discretionary spending or luxuries. They are the essential outgoings of any working American.

Any wannabe immigrant needs to pay careful attention to the list to envisage whether he would be able to control his monthly expenditure so as not to be sucked into a life of debt and denial.

lemler:
So why am I writing this: you definitely can make it in the US, but you need top notch information. I wonder why people are not asking how they can come to America and be successful on wall street? As pharmacists, doctors, or in bulding a business that will transform the world?
Can I come back to Nigeria? Yes I wish I can, I would love to, but it is too late. Could I have made it in Nigeria? Yes. Without any doubt. If I knew what I know now, before I left Naija, I would be more successful there.
Happy New year to all. Will contribute more as I see fit.

God bless you for your refreshing honesty and insight. Yes the OP is for some reason telling Nigerians that they should join him on the ratrace and debt treadmill. That's fine if the person has nothing reasonable doing in Nigeria or is visionless, BUT it is very bad advice for one who is called to do great things in Nigeria. It is not all about instant gratification and shallow American consumerism.

In fact the guy is just annoyingly going on about working 70 hour shifts in some blue collar job whilst some people are making it big in Silicon Valley and Wall Street. Some people can dream big and actualise their dreams whilst others cannot see beyond their next paycheck.

Sarah a: Not every thing that we should be praying about,some time you need to take action .
Heaven help those who help themselves. If op like make him pray from today till Jesus come without action be taken ,oh boy na one chance you enter oh.
A word is enough for married man like you.

Ach the impetuousness of youth. First of all there is nothing like Heaven helps those who help themselves in the bible so be careful.
Another thing marriage is one-chance as nobody is perfect. We are all work-in-progress in one way or the other.
Finally this situation does not call for getting rid of anyone but careful repentance and discussion with the wife whereby her fears which may be irrational are calmed.

Lots of people have given advice. But the crucial fact is that the OP is into a POLYGAMOUS MARRIAGE. This is not normal or regular especially in this day and age, so she should expect all the consequences that result n this kind of living arrangement.
OP need to recover your self-respect and dignity by separating yourself and living your life right.

Raptor X: I dont need to travel anywhere to know its all hype, all the ills you listed up there are not exclusive to Nigeria or Africa. You obviously have not visited America's inner cities were poverty, unemployment, and gun crimes are endemic and pervasive, i could give a flying fvck you live in a western country, while your mates you left
behind in Nigeria are now movers and shakers of Nigerian society, while you are still struggling to pay the mortgage on your two bedroom townhouse somewhere in Maryland.

It looks as if you are yapping but you are just being honest. Everyone is not the same. We have two groups of people affected.
1)Those who are made to go and hustle for dollars in Yankee by working as many hours of the day as possible to keep up with the bills and expectations of a highly consumerist society.
2) Those who are called to be leaders and managers in Nigeria. This category better stay in Nigeria apart from briefs stints in the West for training and education.

[quote author=lemler]In thinking about the perennial question whether to come to the US or not, whether you can make it in the US or not, I feel the correct question to ask yourself is this: How much will I make in the US over X number of years for me to leave Nigeria. You see, people saying you can make it here are not telling you the whole truth. Lets look at some issues:
[\quote]
1. The average wage in the US for 2012 is $44,321.67 (about 8 million naira) This is what you can reasonably expect to earn after a Bachelor's degree. Without going into details, this is nothing if you have a family (for example, a standard daycare will easily cost you $9000 a year. If you cut corners, think of this- that person you are leaving your child with, is he/she a child molester?)
Help me tell them. It looks a lot when you convert it to undervalued naira but you would find that it goes on bills and debt servicing
2. Nobody tell you the whole story: the OP in this thread mentioned living in Minnesota. While I have nothing agaainst livin there, but I people should also have the information that it is one of the coldest places in the US., with easily 6 months of winter (below freezing temperatures)
And that is important for those who live in a tropical country and enjoy a free and easy outdoors lifestyle. Its not all about dollars
3. Nursing: Ah! The nigerian favourite. Since I work with nurses, I am aware of the situation. As an RN, you can make between 40-60, 000 working 4 days a week on the average. Sounds wonderful? Well, the whole story is that your salary does not change much over the years, meaning after 20 yrs on the job, there will be no huge difference, and remember, younger people are coming behind, and they will earn almost as you. This is why most people work 2 jobs which takes you out of the home 6 days a week, i2 hrs per day. Now you are begining to see why you have to pay the daycare 9000 dollars.
Good points. The truth is that their is a huge demand for nursing thanks to America's demographics and lifestyle issues but there is a huge supply as well. That makes decelerates promotion depresses wages and makes split shift work the norm

To truly evaluate people here, just ask them to tell you their net worth, meaning the difference between their assets(how much they have) and their liabilities (how much they owe). You will be suprised........
One odd thing about some Nigerians living in America. is why they have to keep going about how wonderful it is as if trying to convince themselves. The truth is they have all bought into the American culture of workaholism, huge debts and mortgages and coveting of expensive gadgets.

Somorin#1:

Unfortunately the OP is 99% right.
USA is the greatest country in the world. However I guess it depends on how your measure that fact. Quality of life, jobs, heathcare, industry, freedom, etc?
Jobs: There are jobs here. I personally do not know any unemployed Nigerian.
Credit: My Wife came here in September and she has an unsecured $5k C1 card on her own so that she can build her credit.
Visa: If you overstay your visa you will get a ban. It's not my job to educate on the length of the ban USCIS.Gov has all the info.
Citizenship: My Wife is on track to become a citizen in side of 3 years of her entering the US.
Education: Many public schools.
Healthcare: What we had worked for us. We are trying new things.
Crime: I have never been a victim of a crime. I don't live in crime infested hood nor engage in activities that promotes crime.
Racism: I've never been the recipient of a direct racist encounter in my 30 years here. But then again I don't go around looking for trouble.
Your opinions on the US are faulted. I salute your national pride of which I have same for Nigeria and the US but I'm reasonable.

Will you guys just shut it about America. As I said it is not the best country in the world but if you want to believe the brainwashing stuff that comes from the mouth of the politicians it is up to you.
All Western countries have excellent public schools and excellent health care delivery. Most don't have gun crime or a gun culture either.
What is it about the yanks that they need to keep repeating that they are the greatest.
Fine just enjoy it by yourself

rudedough:
I asked you a question, I didn't ask you to cry like a 5 years old begging for candy.
You've been crying to know the truth about the Honorary degree and I have looked you in the eyes and told you directly like a man. But instead of you to take it like a man, you're whining like a little child. Man what do you want?
I know my answer wasn't favourable to you, you want to believe that it was a forged honorary degree. That's kneegar attitude... pulling everyone down with you. Who forges an honorary degree btw? Ok! What are you proposing? She should be sacked cos of the address of a school she did not attend... Is it mandatory that she must know the address of the school that honoured her with an honorary PhD degree?

Now that is what I call a very good question. Who would want to do that especially these days when they can be so easily acquired for cash?
Its all highly irrelevant as Stella's CV shows that she is more than qualified for the job by work experience.

[quote author=jakaiso]Its Easy to Succeed in America
For so long-I have heard about how difficlult it is for Nigerians and black people to succed in America. With evidence I have come to the conclusion that this is actually the opposite. Indeed a new book by Yale law professor Amy Chua lists Nigerians amongst 7 other cultural groups as those most likely to succeed in America-this has only confirmed my observations.[\quote]
Needless point. The likes of Martin Luther King have long ensured that blacks have as much opportunity to make it as whites

[quote author=jakaiso]I have lived in Nigeria,the UK, Ghana and been to other several countries-but I can tell you that IT IS EASY TO SUCCEED IN AMERICA. By success of course I mean- the ability to prosper financially and earn enough money to allow you to live comfortably.
Bros-if you are planning to come to America-please come, abeg come...there is milk and honey flowing here! [\quote]
Milk and honey flow in Nigeria as well as many other countries in the world[\quote]

[quote author=jakaiso]Dont get me wrong-you can succeed in Nigeria as well-but if your dream is to come to America-please come. All you need to do is to follow some simple rules-and success is yours.
Forget about all the so called bad things you hear happening in America-its less than 0.00001% of life in America and bad things happen every where. White people are not going to go make life difficult for you. Just obey the rules (and I know sometimes Nigerians find it diccult to obey rules), work smart, not just hard,save money and THINK.
There is gun culture and gun crime in America. That makes it more violent than Europe

[quote author=jakaiso]You might have heard that blacks are discriminanted against here. The truth is that sectionalism whether it be racism, tribalism, neoptisim occurs everywhere in the world. There are Ibos who hate Yorubas and Yorubas who hate Hausas and Hausas who hate Ijaws and Ijaws who hate Oginis. There are even Ibadan people who hate Ijebu people (yet there are both Yoruba). In Anambra-there are two communities- both speaking the same languagae who have been at war with each othere for decades-with many lives lost.[\quote]
Quite silly to compare racism with tribalism in Nigeria which is mainly a vehicle to attain political relevance.

akpan123: l don t think he said , everyone should move to the usa, l believe the advise is for those that want to come over or are in the process of coming over.
secondly you have the opportunity of using what you learnt. with the fact that they are more advance . and return to nigeria to share that knowledge. l always visit certain hospital and offer free services, anytime l m there on vacation. that does not mean we are better than people in nigeria. over 8billion dollar was sent home by dispora last year. l believe these money contribute to the economy of nigeria in one way or the other.

I hope that is whom is post is meant for. I would not like a scenario where people who could be OR are on the cusp of making in Nigeria are lured to USA by this elementary learner manual.
However it looks as if the OP post is targeted at those who are just looking to earn money in America by working as hard and as long as possible as opposed to those who would just go there to equip themselves before returning home for nation-building.

Raptor X: Why dont you tell people to stay back and fix their country, instead of painting all these rosy picture of American which in most part are not true. Talking about nurses how many nurses does a country needs, like somebody said earlier stop clogging up the oyinbo man countries and fix yours.

I wonder . Truth is east or west home is the best.

PBundles: I applaud you achievements, but read carefully my point. Im not saying one cant make it to the contrary...Im just saying its NOT THE BEST COUNTRY TO LIVE IN.

Then you are wise. OP Speak for yourself. You think everyone is crazy about America. The answer is No I don't want to go to America.
Enjoy it yourself if you want. You should be talking about how to make Nigeria better instead of trying to encourage the gullible to leave Nigeria.

romero: tks for ur educative and eye opening post. God bless u, d giver in Js name. Amen. Kindly help me. I intend to relocate to America for a change of environment. I like it easy;I want a transformation of life; peoppe tel me Naija doesn't fit me except abroad. I also agree with them. I currently do businesses, Iam a landlord with tenants. I have almost N10mllion at my disposal. Unfortunately, I don't no anyone in US to stay with. I want u tell tell me what I can do to get visa to live in my dream country. I eagerly anticipate ur response. tnk u

Better know what you want for yourself and be content with what you have. If what you wrote is true you better stay in Nigeria and ignore this workaholic advice.

Who is this OP guy. What's your business? Please every man should focus on what works for them

ketoprofen:

Ojukwu is a nightmare to all non Biafrans to in this nation.
They are afraid he will reverse the evil policies of 1970s and divide the nation afterwards.
Seriously, do you think Ojukwu will not divide this nation if he gets the power?

Error of judgement there. Ojukwu's prime mover was always political power, not secession or primordial tribal politics. No doubt if he had the means in 1967 he would have removed Gowon and seized power for himself.

ilugunboy:
Simple...you can't compare...because there is just no reason to do so.
In the SW...the old part of the towns and the sparkling brand new areas live side by side....just like in most northern towns of Nigeria.
It's only the East that have no historical infrastructures that predates the 1920's that they could point to....and it was not that they were leveled by war, it is simply that Ibos started the art of building houses after the civil war. Prior then...the best were thatched roof mud houses...while most live in the bushes and forest.

I am not sure what your point is. We are on about which towns have modern housing you are there talking about the 1920s.
So a house built 100 years ago cannot be modernized and redeveloped?

ketoprofen:
Excuse me?
Are u talking about the massively rigged OBJ elections?
What are u talking about?

And why should they have voted for Ojukwu? Was he a better leader than Buhari or Obasanjo. I am not aware that he won a single election since he returned from Ivory Coast in 1983 which should tell you something.

ledafaze:
Tensor,
Abeg apply sensing organ into this issue... If you read thru well, u'll get to know that she never wanted the kids around the inlaws. There is a big difference between a wife and a girlfriend... but note...
Who does the bible describes as a wife? A companion to start with and is she one? I dont want to start counting but is she in the definition range of a wife according to the bible? Do not divorce a wife.... she aint sensible jor!

Nobody is perfect. Besides I strongly suspect that there is a breakdown in communication here.

Lordlexyy: And what meaninful contribution have you made thus far than siding your woman counter part and her evil genuises. A man marries his wife not for him alone but also for his family. People like you had cornered your husband and you want to force it down everyone's throat. A man's child is his parents kid, he/she bears the family's name. All this manipulative tendency to run and alienate the man from his family is sheer wickedness. I can only wish every woman what they wish the op, because what you sow, you will surely reap.

You are just stereotyping and as usual turning this to a battle of the sexes which really its not what marriage is all about. It is a union whereby two separate individuals become one flesh, one spirit and one soul. Hence as the leader all a man's words and deeds concerning his marriage must have this goal in mind. A contrary spirit would just rupture the home.
I am a man but I have to be upfront with the OP. Its entirely up to him whether he takes my advice on board or not.

rebecca167: @ op, don't you have bamboo tree around ur house? If u have, use it to flog her out of your home. If you don't, I can charter a trailer load of it where ever you are in 9ija land.
.

Is that the best you can come up with. Physical violence because he refused to have his way. Well you are wrong on many levels. In this scenario the OP should place is wife and kids first.

ledafaze: OP,

1. Get another babe outside, impregnate her and send the baby to your parents for them to be happy with...
2. DO NOT Raise your hand against her...
3. Even though I am a christian, I will tell you to divorce her. It shows marrying her was a mistake and you are trying to correct the mistake... more so, it is an evil eye that might want you to sin against God and we have been advice to pluck such out.
4. Start keeping late nights... if you drink, just drink a bit outside and when close to your house, finish a whole "pelebe" so she will know ure well drunk and will hate herself.... [Make marriage miserable for her]
5. If not still working, send me a pm

Another posts full of unguarded utterances. You are definitely not a Christian as your comments betray you. This is his wife we are talking about here not girlfriend. There is a big difference.
What grounds would he have for divorcing her, scattering his home and breaking his marital vows? That he stubbornly insisted on taking is kids to MIL without his wife's consent, and his wife started acting up. That sounds childish.

ndu_chucks: I will not believe this story until I have concrete evidence of the following:
Where is this resume which was presented to the Senate? On the other hand, if this lady indeed falsify her credentials, she would have disappointed many of her fans, who I'm sure will continue to defend her even if the story is confirmed to be true.
Time is running out for our President to expunge Tukur, and other liabilities from his cycle of confidants.
@manny4life, if this story is true then her reputation will be just as damaged as if she comitted fraud or worse.

Yes I would be sad and disappointed if it is true BUT there has to be strong evidence. You know just because some of Stella's supporters are paranoid does not mean that they are not out to get her.

Johnnycife:
thanks for shutting me up I hope you'll not very soon end up opening a thread like this requesting for people's advices we have made mistakes besides you don't know a woman by the kind of religion he tends to put on- note that her character reveals with the proceeds of time.

Its just that I detest people generalising when it comes to very specific circumstances like this. The Bible says by their fruits we shall know them. By the OP'S posts on this thread it is pretty clear the kind of person he is and why his spouse has reacted the way she has. Well he has been given good advice as well as some clearly twisted mule-headed utterances.
Its up to him to choose which ones to follow.

Pastor Olu T: "If the foundation be destroyed what can the righteous do?"

@ op U met a girl in a school fellowship (she claim to be a "sister" n u guys were sleeping with each other, what do u expect from a pretender?

Don't judge. What God has joined together let no man put asunder. You really are kidding yourself if you think that the wife would have gone along with his plans to send the kids from to MIL if they had not had premarital sex. He is just bringing that up to spite the woman as if he were not the one that initiated the act.
Maybe he even went to the fellowship specifically to look for a wife rather than because he is a "brother". His words and actions betray that he has never been one.

Johnnycife: I want to know where your wife is from, I have some how come to realize that most of the women from the south don't respect their husbands--mind you before somebody misquotes me I said not all. They always want to take laws into their hands sometimes if you are not careful they may even beat you up, especially now that we have been seeing head lines of women using kitchen knives to cutoff the manhoods of their husbands. Women of these last days honestly are getting really weird I know that I'm 22yr and am not married but I cannot give a phantomable report of the woman that is in our house now because that now na fire.

Johnny Jony SHUT UP. If you are just 22 years old bachelor to boot why start generalising. Respect is a two-way street and in this scenario the OP selfish actions and self-indulgent attitude have led to his marital probems.

Kirinwa:
Kilode! So granny should wait until they grow up? What if she dies before then or don't you know that granny enjoys them better as kids so she can carry them on her laps.
Me wonder if a bot actually wrote this o.

Your words betray that you are still a kid. Is it compulsory to comment?

slightlyMad:
Why u dey use paracetamol for another woman's headache?
was she beaten or forced to say "i do" later on at the alter?
the problem with the OP is that he has not yet proven to be man.

See how you get things twisted. This case is not about acting out outdated inaccurate stereotypes as to what it takes to be a man, as if it is a Nollywood movie.
The issue is really a very specific problem that is threatening to tear the home apart. Namely the security and custody of the children. The solution is communication.
I suppose that the OP has very unwisely acted like a dictator and taken steps with regards the kids without discussion and consent of the wife carelessly thinking that she would go along with whatever he decides. It doesn't work like that in such a charged sensitive matter.
This is precisely the time for the OP to apply tact, wisdom and discretion as opposed to using caveman tactics.

paris10: As in the norms in Nigeria, women who get divorced or are been thrown out of their matrimonial homes by their husbands tend to lose out alot.
Even in domestic violence cases, women who couldnt take the violence any longer divorce the husband without sharing in the property.
Though Nigeria is not UK, US or other western countries where women share in the estate or property of the husband after divorce, Nigerian men should atleast take responsibility in making sure the woman they divorce would be well-off after letting her go.
Laws should also be put in place to reward any woman whose husband left her for someone else. Even in cases where the woman is found to be promiscuous and the husband want out, adequate measure should be put in place to make sure she share from the spoils.
Married women deserve better and should be treated better.

This post would have been excellent BUT for the fact that it advocates rewarding promiscuity. No way. A promiscuous spouse should live with and deal with the consequences of her actions upon divorce. That is all.

TechWalker007:

Have you ever seen how a common hen become bold towards man once it has chicks?
Same for Dogs and other animals. Mothers naturally guard their children with their life.
It's something every true man should crave in a wife (mother of his children).

That is something that has always struck me.

apache77:
Lol....am not d violent kinda guy sweerie..i hav neva hit a woma before and since dat day,i hav neva hit any one either.
I dont like aggressive people either- once i notice you r d aggressibe type either in speech or behaviour i pull away.
That said a mans got to do wat a mans gotta do- not all problems hav text book solutions...and am certainly not d type to stay awake wondering wat could work and wat would not- life is too short to indulge in such
You see-my wife(girlfriend den) was very refractive, and reason was- i was too gentle in relatin wit her. Infact friends often said i was afraid of her or like my elder brother, on one of his visits once said - you are like a lamb being led to the slaughter.'
She could talk to me n wag a finger in my eye, she could tell me very rudely to leave her prescence, and did i say zhe slapped me once?
Am not given to extremes of emotions be it either extreme love or extreme anger- just in d middle so i neva ever raised my voice on her.
She thought that was all der was to me- till that fateful night- and the course of our relationship changed.
We were many chasin her then- i am not her tribe. I wasnt d richest guy chasin her den....i was d youngest..and the d dat had the least materially. Plus i was thd last guy to cum into the picture- plus i beat her...wat no one else dared do.
Yet she is married to me now and we r happy happy..i dont hav even one complain about her conduct and even till today people still say i fear my wife too much.
Did i beat her into submission? Nope. It took us months to settle dat issue but we did and everyone knew their place- my obligationz and her place in d union
She needed a hiding and i had to giv it to her. It was a manual reset and it worked n we r good. Is she waitin for her pound of flesh? Nope- she even tries harder than me to make d marriage work n once a woman puts in effort in marriage, it works moreso as she is even drawing closer n closer to God.
I see her effort and i try as much as possible to be a good husband. Have i ever shouted on her ever since den? She hardly gives me cause to and wen am.annoyed, i simply leave d house.
And wen i do, she kws shes not seein me dat night till after work the next day. So she tries very hard not to upset me and i do try to reward her good attitude by behaving myself.
A woman who does not give u any problems, ehy would you as d man become d agent the provocatuer?
Everything stated wit dat manual reset- and beating told her who d boss was..and we r good.
It worked for me- doesnt mean it will work for d next man tho

You do realise that you haven't solved the problem. You have in fact been using the threat of violence to maintain peace in your relationship. Now the question is what if your partner has not forgiven you for almost beating her to death in public but has secretly vowed to take vengeance. She could well be biding her time as women do. Yet foolishly you are coming here to brag instead of being remorseful and repentant for your animalistic behaviour.

TechWalker007:
Op, there goes your problem and you don't seem to recognize it.
You are trying to compensate your parents with your kids and that scares her to death!
Stop trying to do that, rather seek to build a happy family and your parents should be happy with that if they are not selfish.
I feel you have a good family in your parents but you need to take out this idea of "sacrificing" your kids to your parents.
I repeat, a woman who doesn't guard her kids jealously does not worth being a mother.
She may have gone too far with the disrespect but a woman will always be emotional!
Your parents should help you build a family of yours not seek to raise your kids because they had one.
Do you expect your wife to smile at that?
I personally do not take shii from a lady but I am not going to support you with this idea of compensating your parents with your kids.

One of the few posters here that has written with wisdom insight and understanding. Which begs the question who are these guys on this thread just chatting bullshit. What is wrong with them that they have to contribute to this delicate matter even though they have nothing constructive to add.