₦airaland Forum

Hi,Invisible thanks for d advice.

Lindalee I'm still waiting to hear from you

Hi,
    I have my work of fiction completed of which I'm raring to take for publication.
However,I'm so much conscious not to produce a flop using a florid language to express my flow,I therefore hide under concise and apposite words this a friend considers to be somehow bombastic.

   For sure 'too much grammar on a first page or first chapter of a novel makes a reader lose interest in your work.I want to avoid this but the muse in me says it couldnt come with much better expression more than the way it had dictated it.I'm afraid any attempt to re-write the first page might change my plot,flow and stlye.

   Please,have a look at the first chapter what do you suggest I should do?Is it realy a kind of mumbo-jumbo esoteric to my muse alone?
   
PLEASE SCROLL DOWN AS THE FIRST POST HAS BEEN EDITED TO WELCOME NEW COMMENTS.THANKS.

Jazakum llahu khairan sister.I got carried away with ten of a number.You know what we do most in poetry looking for rhmes[Jokes].Now,look up again what u get there is 12th month of Islamic lunar calender.Cheers

Dhul Hijjah!
Here you are again
Had many known what you are
Sure,they would have chosen you a beloved.

      I know you!
Beautiful you are,
You are full of blessings
full of forgiveness

      I know you!
You are the 12th month of Islam
the month,therein are ten days which Allah loves most

Day of Hajj and Umrah
Day of Arafat
Day of sacrifice
and many great ever-living events
are what you are adorned with

''There are no days in which righteous deeds done that are more beloved to Allah
than these days.
They said Oh!Messenger of Allah,not even Jihad
in the path of Allah?
He said  Not even Jihaad in the path of Allah the most High, ''

Now that I know thee
I shall glorify His Holy name
Praise His name
seek for forgiveness in these glorious days
and tomorrow
I shall be sing His praise

Allahu akbar
Allahu akbar
La ilaaha illa'llah

Wa'llahu Akbar
Allahu Akbar
Wali llahi -l-ahmdu

We were just in our early twenties
right?

You were my Eve
and I was your Adam

The innocent us!
raring to become the new Adam and Eve

We were'nt that recursive in our expression
It was just Yes or No of rectitude

The nature was just in its holiness
In the garden of Eden,
Not until the Adam and Eve ate the apple
and began to see the nature in a diferrent way
They were naked
I saw it clearer
that we were and we began to see in our ravings

that the horses fly
that the moon weeps
that the sun dances

And that is the way it is now
that,and always

I n your eyes
the sun dances

The feeling of another paradise full of lies.
Not untill we ate the apple.






Thanks C-base you prodded me into writing this