₦airaland Forum

3
4
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In that order. 2 is rarely.

It starts with number 10. That's the ultimate early sign.

It usually comes before the rest.

hammed71:
I think you need serious mental evaluation, what you wrote up there isn't funny at all, I pity the woman that choose to be your wife

Well, that woman you pity is doing everything possible to make sure I settle down with her. She is happy and doesn't seem to need your pity.

I think you should focus on growing up first so you understand how reality and intergender interaction works. I thought like you when I was 17 and naive, but now I've grown and understood things.

Just take your time to grow, you will latter understand why I wrote what I wrote and appreciate the wisdom therein.

armadeo:
Whatever you've described up there isn't a marriage. I would rather stay single than think like this. Anyway every man to his own as what you've said also has happened to so many people and also not happened to so many people too.

I cannot be thinking and be afraid that my wife would get a better man than me. She should go then.

You didn't understand. It's not about fear of losing her, but about safety, avoiding or taking minimal damage if she decides to do anyhow.

The psychological and emotional torture that comes from the disloyalty of a partner, remains inversely proportional to the socio-economic gap between that exit between them. Especially for men.

Let me take it that you still see women with the same eye you see men. Maybe one day you'd get to see them up close.

armadeo:
If that thought is even in his mind about a rebellious wife then probably shouldn't take her along at all instead of living in perpetual fear of wahala.

P.s 2 yrs or 10 yrs won't make a difference. If she's gonna leave she's gonna leave

It makes a lot of difference. Women calculate their departure with two factors. How would it favour them and how would it hurt him. This is the two main factor.

Keeping her in Nigeria gives him enough time to gap her in terms of finance, exposure and connection. It will take a long time for her to catch up, and by the time age would have mellowed her too.

Women don't mistreat or leave a man they look up to. The mistreatment sets and divorce usually sets in once the woman feels she can get better out there. Better than the man.

By gapping her well, the man creates options for himself making it difficult for a divorce to hurt him much.
She will also feel at a loss divorcing her stable husband to get into the dating market for scraps.

A woman only leaves when she's got nothing to lose.

My interest is to set the man on a safer ground regardless of what the wife decides to do.

jedisco:
Have you bothered asking those who travelled abroad single why many of them return to marry someone in Nigeria?

Yes I did ask them. The majority of the ones that married a Nigerian are those that have reach the age of marriage before travelling. They said it's because of culture differences and the stereotype on Nigerian immigrants.
Some white citizens might date them casually, but once they bring marriage up so soon, the lady switches to defensive mode thinking they only want to use her to get citizenship because that's what most Nigerians do.

For the culture part. They said they can't switch from eating out Nigerian food to eating cabbage ground meat. Their food is mainly the complain amongst other cultural differences they find hard to adjust to.

And they keep wishing they could find a decent and willing white girl to marry that won't think it's all for papers. This is because white girls already have the unlimited power and exposure, so they are already in their dangerous mode and you can measure how bad she can be and choose the one you can pair with. But a Nigerian woman has not been handed that level of power and you can't tell how she handles it.

Those that travelled younger(immediately after uni) had enough time to settle in the new culture, and most of them chose to marry white women and other national.

It's the usual cliché on here for blokes to insult our ladies, thinking they'll have it easier elsewhere. Indeed, marriage is not easy anywhere. Look up the divorce rates in the West and have a think. If you think there are a cohort of ladies somewhere that will treat you better than your own ladies, then keep looking.

See, the environment a person grew and lives in shape their character. Psychological studies provide that people from different environment tend to react differently to the same situation. Same reason religious beliefs are inculcated and are hard to change.

I'm not insulting anyone, but yes, you can have it easier with ladies from other countries. Nigerian women are among the worst in their understanding of relationship and marriage. I'm not even joking.

The divorce rate is still a reflection of culture, it doesn't signify they are not less power drunk. They divorce and remarry multiple times just like changing phones. It's just their way of life, doesn't mean they was a bad treatment that led to it and immigrants do it too.

mmsen:
Marriage in the west is a powder keg no matter where your wife is from. Most of the issues stem from financial instability, it's the primary cause for divorce.

No. Most of the problem stem from exposure and power imbalance. The West hands women unlimited power and women are not good when equipped to do whatever they want.
Whatever they will want to do with that power will be mostly driven by cruelty.

Whenever there's power imbalance and women get on top, they treat every lower person badly. Especially their husband.

No matter where she's from or lives, the same outcome is observed once she's handed power that allows her to misbehave with minimal or no consequences.

mmsen:
It sounds like you're saying a man should not marry.

If there is no mutual benefit, if the man gains nothing when then would he marry?

No. I'm not against marriage, but a man being so dependent and attached to the wife like a suckling is a recipe for bad treatment. And that's what I discourage.

A man should marry to bear kids in a complete home and have a woman who will take care of the home and the children at infancy. Not to gum body with the woman and build your whole life enjoyment around her.

He should be able to live and enjoy life regardless if his wife is with him or not. A wife is just a dedicated accessory to your life, nothing more.

jedisco:
Hehe.. Nairaland and ignorance

About every successful Nigeria man I know who migrated from Nigeria is married to and lives with their Nigerian wife.

I equally know loads of Nigerian women upholding their family. Some were the main sponsors, some got sponsored when their husband lost his visa e.t.c.

Yes, some families struggle (as is the case in every nation) but fact remains most successful Nigerians in the west are married to Nigerians.

Because of a few samples of cases you've seen makes you believe nairalanders are ignorant. Says a lot about you and your level of claimed knowledge.
Take it from me that if we're to arrange nairalanders according to how knowledgeable, me and you may not be found in the top half. Don't be too carried with the little you know.

I don't know how many cases you've actually witnessed, but I've witnessed a lot of cases too. Most of my childhood friends are in the UK and they usually confide in me about their ordeals over there. 80% of them had it hot with the woman they married and brought over there and they was no benefits worth it for them.

I'm not even talking about the stories that fly around the media because I believe some are just content. I'm quoting the ones I was involved in and other stories they told me about other happenings.

jedisco:
Why would you say this?

Do you know that both of them being together and working could be a huge advantage?

The disadvantage far outweighs the advantage, and there's a 90% chance he wouldn't get to enjoy any such advantages, before the woman turns everything upside down.

armadeo:
7 years is too long. After a year or 2 he should be able to if he means it. Particularly if they haven't got kids yet. If he is going to school then she can work or vice versa.

Somebody would have to work because school would kill the finance.

2yrs is too soon. 7yrs will allow the gap to settle and narrow the rebel window.
Abroad equips women with the capability to be as cruel as they have always wished to, and they never skip that opportunity.

amazonguru001:
What kind of advice is this for pete sake.
What then is the beauty and enjoyment of that marriage when they are thousands of miles apart.
All in the name of living in the abroad, making money and living the foreign dream, yet you can't enjoy the company of your partner, you can't enjoy each other's warmth and comfort when the chips are down.

When life happens and you need someone to watch out for you, care for you, lend a helping hand, abeg is it the wife in Nigeria or the husband in YOUKAY that will help you in such situation?

Kaiiiiiii

Not everything be money oh
Material possession does not also replace the real JOY that comes from genuine partnership and companionship.

All the best sha.

It's not about money. It's about saving himself of the heart ache. There's nothing special to enjoy in your partner that you can't enjoy with someone else. The marriage would even survive better that way.

Kaybaba5:
And what is going to happen to him over there without his wife,to die of loneliness ,guy is not easy

If a man is still solely dependent on his wife for warmth and companionship, just like a baby depends on the mother for suckle. Then he's not yet a man and is doomed to burnt by a woman's ruthlessness.

A grown man should be fine and unbothered when separated from his wife.

opera1:
Though she want only me to go but We both labour for the money and we both studied MLS. Our induction is coming up soon and she's pushing me to go for post graduate program.

Take this from me. Travel alone first and allow your wife and kids remain in Nigeria. You can bring her over after seven years or so, or if possible encourage her to stay back in Nigeria while you visit.

sandra2025:
Hepatitis is same with herpes right?
I did the test this week and came out negative.

I'm single and searching.

No. They're two entirely different viruses, and operate distinctly.

So if a woman develops complications following childbirth, she’s simply “inadequate”? That’s your conclusion? Weaker and dysfunctional? God… who be this one?

Yes.

And how exactly do you know your foremothers gave birth effortlessly? Were you there?

I know because there were evidence of that. Most people born in the 80s and 90s grew up to realise their parents came from a large family of 9 kids on the average. All came from one woman that's still strong, kicking and healthy.

Or have you conveniently ignored the increased maternal mortality of the past? Many women died during childbirth, many babies died, and countless women lived with obstetric fistulas( ever heard of vvf?), chronic pain, uterine prolapse and lifelong complications.

How do you know this? Where you there?

Survivorship bias, mixed with misogyny, makes you remember only the women who survived, while conveniently forgetting those who didn’t.

No. It's the other way around. Gynocentrism is what makes the society and people like you to amplifier one in million complicated childbirth against the millions of safe births we witness everyday. Did I hear you say "survivor"? Like it's an apocalypse grade ordeal?

If childbirth was truly effortless for our foremothers, why did virtually every society have traditional birth attendants, midwives, childbirth rituals, and such high maternal mortality?

Just the same way we have town cryers. It doesn't make broadcasting any more dangerous. It's just people leading in what they know how to do.
And there's no such thing as heightened maternal mortality in the past. It's just part of the psyop.

By your logic, because the heart is designed to pump blood, anyone who develops heart failure has an “inadequate” heart. Because the kidneys are designed to filter blood, anyone with kidney failure has “inadequate” kidneys.

Yes. You just nailed it. If any designed system fails to perform according to design, it means it's defective and/or inadequate.

That’s not how biology works. The body is designed to function, but disease and complications are an inherent part of human physiology including childbirth.

We are saying the same thing here. Disease can make a system not to perform its functions, meaning it has been rendered inadequate.
In the absence of such diseases, a woman has no excuse.

ukaface:
How can you be so inconsiderate and say child birth/ labour is an exaggeration? Cheap points? ….. for same process that leads to depression, blindness, paralysis, Bell’s palsy, gestational diabetes, etc
Not that complicated? I pity your wife

The bolded is part of the lies that women cook up to amplify their whining.
A woman's body is designed to handle childbirth without complications. It signals inadequacy if anyone develops other health issues from the process.
It doesn't mean the process is any more dangerous, it only women are getting weaker and disfunctional.

If our foremothers gave birth effortlessly multiple times, women of today shouldn't have problems doing the same with all the safe birth practices we have developed that wasn't in the past.

Holluwhakemmy:
but from your previous comment you will be (Odaju)

You are yet to point out the part of that comment that wasn't true. Does a bird get praised for flying, or a fish for swimming.

Women are designed to give birth flawlessly and recover within hours, any woman that can not is simply flawed.

Holluwhakemmy:
I really pity your wife

The mistake women make is assuming someone is a bad person because they stated the logical and observable truth.
No woman in my life knows me as a bad person.

The only thing I'm guilty of is not being a woman wrapper. But I treat everyone as they should be treated. Regardless of gender

Lies. "To be a man nawa o," "men have shorter lives than women because of work hazards," "men carry the weight of the family on their shoulders," "a lot of men commit suicide over their inability to provide for their families..." etcetera. Do these statements ring a bell?

You still went ahead that men provide with pride and don't bitch about it. The reason some men commit suicide when they are unable to partake in that pride.
They didn't feel despair because they provide, they despaired because they could NOT provide.
It's hard to provide on a steady, but we still do it
It's hard to wake up early everyday and go out, but we still do it.
We don't write a long epistle about it.

Granted, however, that does not mean the ills in the system are the sole reason for the quotes above depicting the burden of men.

The ills and the restructuring of the society to become gynocentric is exactly why more men are finding hard to keep up. Think back 30yrs ago. A poor man can well provide for a family of 9, but today a middle class is struggling with a family of 4. What do you think changed.

Does that make childbearing any less dangerous? Haven't you read or heard women dying during childbirth even in reputable hospitals surrounded by well-qualified doctors?

Yes. That made childbirth a hundred times less dangerous, if we're to be truthful. Now we have proven solutions to most childbirth complications. Situations that either claimed lives in the past or scared the mother and child for life.

People still die from everything, that people die from something doesn't mean it's so dangerous. Those who died are either as a result of avoidable accident, or they were simply too weak to see it through.

Do women possess strong frame like the men? The natural strength of men helps them to undertake physically demanding work. This is why God made the man the head of the house. He is much stronger by nature.

The economy is not labour driven anymore. Women can do almost all the lucrative economic ventures of today.
Men are much stronger. Yes. But the economy has shifted from strength based.
So, it can be said that men have no special advantage in making money and providing more than women do. If anything, women are more favoured in the work market.

DeepSight:
Ol boy, your talk was lousy. It was gutter talk. No sane person should denigrate and laugh off the pains of pregnancy the way you did.
How old are you?

You are simply naive, emotional and lacking the ability to differentiate between what is real and what is not.

Childbirth might not be that pleasant, but it's not as dire as it's been painted.
It's just like saying I should acknowledge the pains of trekking that someone with legs pass through everyday from using their legs.

ukaface:
Shut up!!!
Are you okay?

Who raised you sef?

Keep emotions aside. Point out one lie in what I said.

Childbirth may not be the most pleasant experience, but women exaggerate the whole thing to score cheap points.

In the past, people literally gave birth in farms and walk home with the child in her hands. It's not that complicated, except the woman herself is inadequate.

DeepSight:
Lousy.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

When you wake up is your morning. For the meantime, enjoy your slumber.

CaptainJune:
The same way men are designed to put food on the table. Why then cry about hardship?

I don't see men complaining and seeking sympathy for being a provider. It's what we do on daily with pride.
That doesn't mean we shouldn't point out the ills in the system that is increasingly making it impossible to keep up.

Everything that can be done to make childbirth easier for women has been done and more are being developed. Provision has not received such attention to ease the burden on men.

But how are men particularly designed for it that women are not?

sharone21:
Na WA o....A man's body is designed/ fabricated for LABOR/ WORK, I wonder why they still want 50-50? Or, these men are weak ones?

Yes. No complete man would bitch his wife about 50-50. Where do you people even see that happening.
A woman that has 50 to give won't even dream of settling with a man that needs her 50.
Except you mean the drops of water in an ocean kind of support that women give their man.

But let's still not forget the situations are different. Men could be given birth better than women if we're naturally equipped for that.
I can't say the same for women in terms of LABOUR/WORK even when they are almost equally equipped.

When it comes to labour and provision, any man that is trying to balance his efforts with that of a woman is either inadequate or under the delusion of Western ideology.

JuanDeDios:
Bolded is correct. Red is wrong. Blue is possible. Some people react differently to what's "normal". Women are designed to handle childbirth without issues, and most do. Yet some die in it.

Do better. Show some understanding.

No. It's not wrong.
Weakness is finding it impossible or harder than usual to achieve what most people achieved, given the same circumstance.

If you have a strong pair of legs but can't walk a mile in a stretch, it's simple inadequacy. There's nothing to understand there.

Except there's a medical issue that stops you from doing so.

Women will find a way to cry about everything. A woman's body is designed to do all that safely.
If you are finding it difficult then you are a weak woman or you have a health problem.

Women in the past have been doing it without all the assistance available today.
So, do it and shut up.

leocollins:
Bro,please what the name of this site

Facebook marketplace. Do you have pickup agent and how do plan for the shipping and customs issue?

davillian:
GIG has intentional logistics search about them and download the app

Okay. Thanks a lot.

I was hoping to get pointers from experience so I won't make mistakes.

I see a lot of cheap electronics on the US used items market, and I would like to buy a lot of them.

But I have a lot of questions:
What is the cost of shipping and clearing items bought from US? I heard the shipping cost might make it even more expensive than the ones here in Nigeria

Anyone that ships items from the US should please help me with firsthand information.

@nobody do you have experience in this?