₦airaland Forum

She married him a niece man. He was industrious, understanding and generous. He has a good education and works with one of the new generation banks. Few weeks after their wedding, he began to develop a habit. He comes home with varieties of pornographic movies and would ask her to sleep with him in demonstration of each pattern shown on the scenes. The poor girl wouldn’t oblige, after all he is her husband. But the act became worrisome for her when the husband began to make it a daily affair. Even when she was pregnant, he would do same and to the extent of forcing her where clearly she has shown no interest or attempted to refuse. It is getting out of hand. The girl had advised the man to shun movies and sleep with her when necessary just as nature would have allowed him. But he wouldn’t stop. She also complained to her own parents who insisted she continued with her marriage and pray that the husband changes in his bad habit. Recently, she sustained serious bruises from the husband raping her with an almost seven months pregnancy. She is threatening to back off the marriage and requires the humble ideas of the forum to guide her intended action, because the husband does look like he was going to change so long as fresh blues still sale in the market.

How painful can one feel, to wake up every morning only to be frustrated by the thought of having no legitimate father even as an adult? A lot of people in our society today (both adult & children) suffer this terrible pain in silence, never wishing to talk about it under any circumstance. I have never taught about it too, until my dear friend visited me recently with his head swollen up in confusion. He had fallen deeply in love with a girl whom at her late 20’s had become well educated and successful. They have dated for close to two years now and just at the point my guy was about to begin negotiations for their marriage, the bomb shell blasted. My friend discovered her fiancée has no legitimate father and had kept quiet all along even as a grown lawyer. This left him so confused of what to do. After narrating his ordeal, I advised him to take it easy and work hard with the girl to unravel the misery behind her fatherhood. Consequently, he left with the girl to the village to see the girl’s mother who seems to be the only one to provide the answer to that puzzling question. According to the girl, the woman had ignored her many times she tried to find out why she was going with the maternal surname, until she became tired of asking and decided to take the personality the mother had earlier given to her. After much pressure, the woman opened up to the intending couple. She told her daughter emphatically that it was her late uncle (i.e. the woman’s elder brother) who was her father. And that was why she insisted on her surnamed as her own maiden name. More so, that it was only her and the man who knew about the one night affair and had kept it secrete all these while because of the integrity and image of the old man who happens to be a Senior Advocate of Nigeria. The woman who pleaded with her daughter for forgiveness said she became attracted to his brother because of the love she has for him and which was as a result of her intimacy with the man unlike the rest of her brothers. She said, as the elder brother’s chief steward in the house, she seduced him to sleep with her since she could not afford to surrender her virginity to any other man than the man she loves very much. The man himself who was drunk on the said day of the incident had expressed regret and disappointment in her sister whom he cares for. He secretly saw the girl through all her education even without the girl knowing. Nairalanders, if you are my dear friend, what would you do under the circumstance? Continue or run to the extent your legs can carry you? Your usual enviable suggestions are urgently needed to help someone make a lifetime decision.
Regards.

I guess your friend knows the consequences of dating a girl who resides in the same residence with him. If he is and still wants to further, then no big deal. Let him create an avenue to bare his mind to her. I mean, take her to a treat (drink, eatry, shopping, etc). I am sure this will create a comfortable atmospher for him to thrive. With that the girl can still hook unto the friendship even if she refuses to accept him for dating. Let him not try to open up by virtue of the already existing relationship, but through a means that would portray love in action. Best of luck.

Dude, i like the replies so far. But just as they said, enjoy it while it lasts. The mind is very deceptive. Such secrete fantacy could cause her to step into act that could desrtoy your relationship with her. Do not rejoice she told u. She could be carried away by her feel for the guy that she didn't even know when she let the cat out of the bag. If she loves u as she claimed, then she should see u as her hero cute or no cute. Beware

Dudes, u all have done well with your analyses. I am getting relieved, though still waiting for more responses. I will like to apologise here for my continous lenghty posts. The reason is that i try always to create the complete picture of the situation. What good is it to post a rather incomplete story that would eventually results in writing pages to answer the questions that would emanate from NLs and which must be provided in order for good suggestions to be made.

It's a pity. My advice is, do not give up. Pray hard to God. I do not think u hav considered that option all these while. Lord who ordains marriage does not abandon it to fade away. He said "he who findeth a wife, findeth a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord". That favor is what u clamour for today and its not far from u. Don't even think of quitting the marriage. It will work. Just take it to almighty in prayer. The lord says, "whatever u asked in my name, i will do" (Jn 14.14). He never changeth, he is the same today, tomorow and forever (Heb. 13.. He can change that bad situation. No matter how huge our problems are, he can solve them for us. Take your husband's weakness to be ur strength and make prayers ur stronghold. And you shall see the man u married in no time. Wish you gudluck.

Even after we graduated from the higher institution and working, my best friend still holds enormous grudges against me. He was my classmate and bosom friend. We did almost everything together, including reading, writing and reporting assignments, eating, clubbing, politics, the list is endless. Even in the exams, we sat close to each other for mutual benefits, until this girl came in between us. My friend first met her and they were going out together. Then came one faithful day, my friend visited me with her. He introduced her to me and we both exchanged pleasantries. She confirmed to my friend that I was a gentle guy, though in my absence.

When my friend asked me about her, I also confirmed she’s cute and above all, matured. And the three of us by virtue of that introduction became close friends. However, my friend I must state clear here, is the acting boy friend, while as his bosom friend, I encouraged them and ensured their love for each other grows. Not quite long after, they stated having serious incompatibility problems. They quarrel themselves at every slightest opportunity. They would argue over trivial issues that should not matter at all. Even in the public, causing themselves embarrassments in some cases.

I became very worried and tried my best to settle their differences. In many occasions my idea of settling cases between them had worked perfectly, only for yet another trouble to ensue little time after. This lingered until I could notice a show of lack of interest in the relationship from either side. As a concerned dude, I called my friend in private and asked him what exactly the problem was, but he didn’t seem to know. I demanded to know if he has done his job as a man, because refusal of indulgence could throw some contemporary ladies into dismay. My friend yielded NO. I blamed him for that and at the same time advised him to go sleep with the girl to clear every emotional doubt. But he refused, telling me he wouldn’t want to portray a picture of sexual urge before the girl at that time which he considered too early. I said to him, four months after you‘ve been into this and you still consider it too early to make her feel like a woman.

Ok, since you are the point man, you know the best for yourself. While the problem between them lasted, the girl was wishing within her to switch over to me. But I did not know until one day, while she and I were coming back after we escorted her boy friend to his off-camp residence and coming back to our hostel rooms. On our way she kissed me. I objected and frowned against it, but she said since my best friend is her boy friend, she sees nothing bad in giving me such unconditional kiss. After all, I was a better man than him, she added. I became frightened and tried to protect my friend’s interest like every true friend should do. From that day she began to hide from my friend, but only wanting to see me.

Still I refused. Instead I planned to reconcile them but they both expressed explicitly they are no longer interested. After like six months, I pleaded with my friend to accept my reconciliation moves, but he objected. By then, the girl was disturbing me terribly, paying for my lunch, drinks, etc even when I was not there. When the temptation became too much, I asked my friend if he was going to be against any man he sees going out with the girl, but he denied, saying he would even thank the man for saving him the trouble. I called the girl and asked her why she was following me around, but she said, my friend in question never had any canal knowledge of her. What was her sin falling in love with me?

She even said she had brought up the topic before the room mates and they all encourage her to follow her heart. It was at that point I fell for her. And we started dating. Since then, we have been together even as by the grace of God, we are both engineers now (though she is still serving). It’s been like five years now and I don’t regret ever being with her. So does she never regret the decision she made. But my friend hated me with the believe that I betrayed him. And as adults now, I want reconciliation but do not know how to start. In your mind, do I really owe him an apology?

A classmate and friend of mine who has become a successful business man in Lagos was to get married to this girl that claimed to love him very much. He has paid the bride price, negotiated and cleared all protocols with the family of the girl. In fact, he is just waiting for this Xmas to complete the wedding and traditional marriage ceremonies. However, the girl in question who happens to base in the village has been visiting on regular basis, her future aged mother in-law to see how she was doing and take care of her to the wish of the intended husband. Each time the girl visited, the mother in-law would arrange for her to pass the night with the younger brother of the husband in his own room. This, the old woman does because she believed she would be more comfortable with him than putting up with her in her own little local hut. She also did that having nothing silly in mind to go wrong between the supposed in-laws. But to her greatest surprise and ignorance, they started sleeping with each other right under her nose. The act lingered even as the girl began to frequent her visit often than she used to. On the process, she became pregnant (i.e. for the younger brother of her husband). When the aged woman noticed the development with the secrete eyes of the old age, she excitedly called the ‘to-be’ husband to come home and finalize the marriage rites, considering the new condition of his wife, not knowing the pregnancy is not his but of the younger brother. When my friend arrived home, his mother congratulated him, thanking God for the new baby that is on the way to arrive. But she received the greatest shock when my friend denied having slept with the girl at all, not even when they were together during the marriage negotiations. The girl after receiving intense pressure from her own people confirmed the claims of the supposed husband. She went ahead to confess it was her brother in-law who owns the pregnancy, blaming also the mother in-law for indirectly engaging her emotionally with the traitor. Now, the problem that my friend is facing is that he has made up his mind to stop the marriage, judging by the humiliation his wife to be and his younger brother has brought him. But the two families are begging for forgiveness including the girl, asking him to re-consider and save the image of the families which are at stake. However, my friend has told me that he rather support his younger bother (both financially and otherwise) to get married to the girl, than get himself entangled in a marriage that will bring him nothing but unhappy and regrettable life. Please guys, if you are in this guy’s shoes, what would you do? Do you think his proposed actions are in order? Should he forgive the girl, and go ahead with the marriage in order that the public do not get to know what has happened? If he marries the girl, isn’t his brother going to come back for his baby someday? Puzzling issues that need your immediate heart-healing solutions to conquer.
One love.

davidylan, thank you very much for you thoughtful remarks. I wish NL wil learn to see issues as adults and not as amatuers.
Regards

No, dude. Don't be in a hurry else you make a mistake. It's true you have got a tip of her whereabout on the said day, you need to follow her up more smartly. She must not know you are invetigating her moves. I assure you soon, you will get all the answers you seek from NL.

No am not in love with my friend. U could read it straight from the post: Like her for that, not any other thing. Please digest the point and try to avoid sentiments.

Nairalanders, who would you marry?  Your LOVE or your BEST FRIEND?
As in guys, you have a girl you love so much (pure) and then another that only makes you feel so excited whenever she is around, drink and party with you, exchange jokes and mess with you, bath and shit together with you etc. You just feel happy and free when you are with her. You like her for that alone not any other thing. Would you prefer such a friend for marriage to someone you truly love but who do not make you feel same way?
Choice answers to be followed by sincere and convincing reason(s).
Cheers.

Has anybody who took part and made nice score in the 2009 BEA scholarship (PG) organized by the Federal Ministry of Education, heared any thing so far from the Federal Scholarship Board. I did the test and i came second in my state, but up till now no invitation. I am worried. Any news, please make u na share. I applied to study automated telecommunication in China.
Regards.

The Institute has stopped collecting applications as at yesterday, the 22nd May, 2009. For those that did not meet up, i advise you guys to remain steadfast and never relent. I 'm sure if your cake is in the petroleum industry, nothing will stop you from getting to have it. As for others who did applied, do not hessitate to share your info regarding the nature of the fortcoming test and possibly release (if any) the preparatory material. I have started making some contacts with the students of the current session to see if i can get resolved, some issues bothering the programme and what the test is like. However, i 'm yet to get any, since those guys have retired to the elf village where the training is said to be taking place. Meanwhile i will keep the search, hoping something good comes up before the written test in next two weeks. My details are here in case you want to share ideas:
mikeugwu@yahoo.com, 08032653439
Hoping to hear from you.

I thank you all nairalanders for your objective clues. Honestly i feel so relieved even though i'm yet to execute your wonderful suggestions. sistawoman, their ages are NG 30 and UC 29. NG is now a degree holder in engineering (awaiting NYSC), while UC still battles admission which i've always masterminded. Like i said i chose UC because i love her, not for education or whatsoever. I 'm also aware the responsibility to train her rests on my shoulders since her parents would not be able to sponsor her. I have not made any formal introduction because i still want to lay a basic education foundation for before that. The incident is still very fresh as it started just this Tuesday 27th April. I am very close to most member of her family, but for all these years, they have never settled cases between us. So its just been difficult for me to start. Nevertheless, i will do as u all wished. NG with all pressure accepted to go talk to her, but she wouldn't listen to anybody. She would only believe we (NG and I) cooked up the story to make her believe. Besides, NG's Bf does not stay close otherwise, there would have been no need for her to seek my assistance for accommodation. Pataki, thanks so much. I shall try. The lord is my strenght.

I have just committed a blonder that is about to crash my twelve-year old relationship. Please, read the story and advice me on what to do before it gets out of hand. Sorry, it has to be this long to enable you guys get the full gist.
UC is my fiancée and we have loved and cared for each other all these years, until now that this problem emerged from nowhere and is threatening to destroy all we shared.
It all started when this girl (NG) i dated during my second year in the university came and pleaded with me to allow her put up with me (as in stay with me in my house) for four months while she undertook her training on computer repairs and maintenance; a training she told me she wanted to do as an intermediate programme before proceeding for her national youth service. I met NG in school by accident, and we dated for sometime. However, we got broke up when my love UC, once visited me in school. Her visit created a pressure between me and NG and eventually, I dropped the relationship because of the love I have for her (i.e. UC). NG is also a good girl, intelligent, mature and clever, but I do not love her as much as I do love UC. She (NG) also studied the same course with me (though I was one academic year ahead of her). That makes the two of us a kind of interdependent even after we had broken up our romantic relationship. She still came around and shared some views with me over issues bothering our line of study. The answers and motivation she gets from me whenever encounters any problem, made her trusted so much on me that she could hardly embark on any thing without my consent and approval. But remember, it was just but a romance-free relationship.
So when she asked me to accommodate her for the period of her training (the centre of which was close to my residence), I did not accept at first knowing fully well that it will bring me nothing but temptation and heart break. Moreover, my girl (UC) wouldn’t approve of it. Thus, when I presented the case to UC (hiding the identity of the girl involved), she refused bluntly. I respected her wish because we love each other so much and also listen to the opinion of each other too. Because she refused, I also refused to accept NG. I know of course NG is one person she will never like to meet 200 kilometers close to me. No, not after what she passed through to break up our relationship in school. On the other hand, it seems to NG as if I was the one holding her destiny by not letting her stay with me and continue her career pursuit. In fact, she portrayed it to all my friends and old school mates and believed I will partly be responsible for her woes if she did not continue with her ever cherished training as a result of her inability to get accommodation. I thought of helping her get accommodation elsewhere but such was very scarce and even where available, they are very costly not minding that the period was just four months. At last, we secured one for her. Someone offered to help her. But the place was still under interior decoration. There she came again begging me to allow her start off in my house so that in less than two weeks, she would leave when her new accommodation will be ready. I suggested for her to wait at home for the period of the interior decoration since it was just for two weeks, but she complained if she failed to start at that time, she would miss out some period of the training by the time she’s called up for August/Sept. batch.
Because I didn’t want to be seen as being wicked, I accepted, this time without the consent of my fiancée, UC. This was because, I had planned to prevent my fiancée from visiting within the said period and since it is also usual for her to visit once in two weeks interval, I presumed I would overcome the temptation. NG and I were like strangers in the house with a second look on each other. She didn’t think of anything and I was happy about it too. Besides, she has a new Bf whom I also know of. Then came one day, my UC visited but I was aware she was going to visit, so I planned with NG not to come back until she had gone. We also packed and hide NG’s bags where they could not be visible or easily imagined by any visitor. Because NG and I did not have any skeleton in our cupboard, she didn’t feel bad about my idea to hide her and her bags from my fiancée. Behold, it worked! She didn’t notice anything. But that was not all. After the expiration of the two weeks, the guy who was to provide accommodation for NG (i.e. the one who said the house was undergoing interior decoration) started telling stories. I am afraid, that prolonged NG’s stay than planned and each day that passed became more dangerous for me. She (NG) didn’t relent either, in the search for alternative accommodation, but none was forthcoming. It became very difficult for me to ask her lo leave because she has absolutely nowhere to go. Also I do not feel comfortable for her continued stay in my house which was suicidal. I was filled with mixed and confused thoughts, as I didn’t wish to offend my sweet heart UC nor NG who has been there for me through thick and thin back days in school. Fate then played games on me and my love UC visited without notice, having noted an act of depression on my part. Behold who she saw, NG. This marked the beginning of my problems. Neither she nor any one would believe I wasn’t sleeping with NG. I couldn’t deny it either, seeing that we shared the same room with no third party. Now, UC’s believe was that it had been my plan to continue with her from where I stopped back days in school. I cried to be given the chance to explain, but she would never listen to me. Instead, she said the only condition to listen to me was to travel with her to the village where all concerned (cared friends and relations) would have the opportunity t hear her tell them how I have been cheating on her. The truth is that I DID NOT DO IT, but because the hand in the port of soup has taken the shape of that of a man, there is no way to argue it is still the hand of a cat. I don’t want to go to the village with her because I don’t have any proof or otherwise to deny the allegation. Besides, I don’t have the intention to discuss my relationship at this early stage with the members of the public. When I approach her to explain, she rebuffed me. She has asked me to give her a break and continue with the so called NG whom she believes has charmed me. I am sure she means every word of it. She also said, may be she would reconsider her stand on one of numerous suitors who has been disturbing her and who even worth more than me. I think, my fiancée is just being scared by the presence of NG around me who happened to be more intelligent, clever and educated than her. But that is not my judgment factor for choosing her. I chose her because I love her so much.
So nairalanders, what should I do under this circumstance? She means the whole world to me. She also has my 8 year old baby child. I can’t afford to loose her now. She is all I’ve got in a woman. Though NG is good and a wonderful girl too, but I can’t go back to her because I don’t feel anything for her since after we broke up in school four years ago. Even if I do want to go back to her, she may not accept because she already has a guy whom she made me believe she loves so much. I am so confused and feel like being so stupid to have allowed the thoughts for true love I have for my golden princess to be overcrowded by my sense of help. Please guys, help me. Your usual suggestions will be highly appreciated. Thank you.

Why does the upcoming star actress, tonto dike shouts too much unnecessarily in her movies? Is it all in the name of acting or deliberate attempt to over interprete  her scripts?
She really pizzes me off with that or what do you guys think?

Poster,
U can see it's all sentiments here. Just advise your friend to first confirm exactly what he/she wants and how he/she intends to go about it, cos somex, UNI does not do it all, but the attitude of those who study in it. Most Nigeria Universities can give him/her a perfect mirror (reflective) image of what he/she portrays. However, it is better to consider Federal UNI such as those mentioned by Sagamite (OAU, UI, Unilag, ABU, Uniben, UNN, Uniport) in this kind of scenario. I'm an alumnus of UNN, but my opinion here is free of sentiments. We are all great Nigeria Graduates no matter where the certificate is coming from.
Good luck.

prittigrrr is right, if you really love the girl as u claim, then ask her to stop seeing the guy. I am sure, if she loves you too, she will do as u have instructed. The reason for this is to enable you fish out exactly what is going on before acting, cos u might break up with the girl only to find out she is innocent. On the other hand she might not. Do not eva trust a woman in ur life no matter how much you love her. It is also possible ur girl is playing games. Just take ur time and work something out from underneat. Try to use a neutral (outside) surveilance. I am sure, u would soon discover the truth. As for the guy, stop talking to him. The less you talk to him, the more he feels lost of your next plan to unveil his intentions. Gud luck.