TV01:

For those from patriarchal or "son-preference" societies, the cultural imperative to have a son is undeniably strong and compelling - and can literally break homes and ruin marriages. The desperation for sons is strong - for both men and women. Thanks Lezz.

Indeed, for many - even in cultures, or for people, where there is no such imperative - the simple desire can also be quite deep. Dreams of taking your son to the match, or him growing into a striker for Arsenal, always seem that much more probable - if no less likely - when you have one. Is it beyond the bounds of possibility that men and women both have dreams of, and for their sons and daughter?

I always wanted a son and was beside myself when I asked the nurse to "scan and tell jor", and it was a boy. I couldn't contain myself, ran out and told everyone. Wifey was livid !

He is so handsome I told wife to deliver "4 more like that". When the second one was on the way - and yes I wanted another son - wifey banned scanning , but I was sure it was a boy. When this orange looking thing came out crying her eyes out, I almost choked, but managed to hide my disappointment from my wife.

Now? Sure I wouldn't mind more sons, but I wouldn't swap my daughter for any number of them. Dealt with again! Thank you Lord .

I'm personally happy that the cultural imperative is changing, but we won't ever be able to trammel human desire. Agreeing or disagreeing with your post will not change that.

Siena, you had two girls and then a boy - and I've heard you say "as long as it's a healthy child" and all - but be honest with us - if you don't mind sharing;

1. Weren't you made up when you had a son?
2. With hindsight would you have been just as happy if you'd had another girl?


TV

DivaFiva:

Thanks for taking time to respond.
Gender Favoritism is actually prevalent because we have been relegated to the background for years and unless certain policies are set to make more and more women have the right tools to speak for themselves or be independent, it will take longer for the equality to be achieved.
Social trend is the same reason I have both faith in/fear for Nigeria, seeing that we are lovers of trends. Soon we will copy but if our leaders are forward thinkers these adjustments don't have to blatantly copy the west because let's face it, theirs is the pop culture we see every day.
Customary privileges I would love to see us get rid off is "Don't hit a woman, even if she hits you". People should learn to keep their hands to themselves and use their words instead.
No system is all perfect in all instances. Our present situation is far from perfect and we are all not dead...yet. What stops us from accepting a relatively better ideal that promotes better values.

Logicbwoy:



Which gender pours hot water on house girls? (women)

Which gender gets away with molesting children? (women)
======================================
Which gender fights more as soldiers for their country? (men)

Which gender does more missionary/charity work in foriegn countries? (men)


==========================================


Both men and women can be equally evil. We see more from men because men are in power. Give women an equal chance and we would see that women are equally as good or evil.


You are fast becoming a misandrist. Please stop. You know that I've always respected you (logicboy)

gospi:

Hello sweery. U don't have to ask for permission from any person,I repeat "any person"(especially the so called men)for you to become who Eva or wat Eva u want to become. Read the book of Genesis 1 and know the reason men always want to put women under or subdue them.Here's the reason : THEY ARE ONLY ACTING THE CURSE PLACED ON THEM BY GOD AGAINST WOMEN. The bible verse says :THEY SHALL RULE OVER YOU. And check very well that's all dey wana do. Curse is not a good thing.So leave them to act the curse while you act the blessing that God has placed on you by becoming who you want to be.Never let anything or anyone especially men stop u from becoming who you want to be.God created you and gave you the power to subdue why asking from your fellow human for permission to be a great woman that you want to be.. Just be who you want cos God has allowed you. They will never see the reason for the equality even if u talk from today till tomorrow because they are cursed ,they don't know what they are doing trust me.JUST TALK TO GOD AND ACHIEVE YOUR DREAMS. DONT EVEN THINK OF MARRYING A MAN WITHOUT DISCUSSING THESE DREAMS TO AVOID THE ONES BENT ON ACTING THE CURSE INSTEAD OF BLESSINGS COS THEY WILL RUIN IT.

PinketteDawn:


Excuse me dear. You don't know me from Adam. How can you be so sure I grew up with both of my parents? Did you grow up in a home where your father was constantly degrading your mother? Ask people who have been in that situation and compaRe. Issues are only sorted out when both parties want to. It is not right for a woman to be constantly begging her husband to marry her. Is he doing her a favour? You can never beg anybody to marry you that is reality! If his heart is somewhere else, then let him go.You can beg someone to forgive you if you have wronged him but if he chooses not to forgive, you cannot beg him to love you. True love should not be begged for. How long will you keep begging? For the rest of your life?

Empero1:


Obviously, NDA dismissed you because of your inability to differentiate "hole" from "whole". Well, I wish you all the best in your musical career.

chisco82:
A man with sense of humour and fears God,

a2space:
I am a 37 year old bachelor and I must confess that never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine that someday I would be desperate to get married. When I was in my twenties, I used to hear of desperation amongst ladies to get married but I never clearly understood the feeling. I felt it was a "lady thing" until I got to the age of 34yrs. One day I was in my bedroom suddenly I felt the rush of emotions come upon me so strongly that all of a sudden started making me feel desperate for marriage. By the following year the desperate feeling became like torture and the loneliness was so depressing. I could no longer stand it when I attended weddings to see other young couples getting married. I could no longer stand it when I hear people discussing marriage around me.

I became like an object of fun in the office when they would call me "the oldest bachelor". I'm telling you, the feeling is not funny at all. Even when people innocently ask "Hey, why are you not yet married?" or "what are u waiting for?" It's a question that I just can't take emotionally. Though I'm doing my best to tie the knot soon but I must confess that it is a feeling that I don't even wish my enemies to have.

If me as a guy could be feeling like this, I can just imagine what single ladies of marriageable age are passing through emotionally.
For those of you reading my post, it is my prayer that you all get married at the right time and age so that you don't have to pass through the same emotional trauma of loneliness and desperation to get married.

anigold:
Happy birthday to me... Happy birthday to me.. I wanna Thank God for keeping us alive till this moment..

Sorry that I have not been posting free signals lately I will resume soon...

mctifey:
4. Still remember playing this game?
Na the car race I like pass

bjcuntis:
ON IMPULSE I WOULD WANT TO INSULT YOU ND SAY ALL SORTS TO YOU BUH ITS NT WORTH IT. U KNW WHY? COS THOSE WHO ATTEND HIS CHURCH HAVE RESULTS, THEY GIVE COS THEY GET BK WHAT THEY GIVE IN MANY FOLDS, THO M NT SAYING HE SPENDS TITHE ND OFERING COS HE HAS HIS BUSINESS. HAS ANY WINNER MEMBER BEEN TO UR HOUSE TO COMPLAIN TO YOU. IF U DNT HAVE BETTER THINGS TO SAY I SUGGEST U SHUT THE HELL UP. FINALLY, A LITTLE WORD OF ADVICE 1 chorinthians 16:22 TOUCH NT MY ANOINTED AND DO MY PROPHET NO HARM. IF U LOVE UR LIFE ND WANT TO PRSERVE IT PLS ND PLS KEEP UR HATEFUL OPINION ABOUT OYEDEPO ND ANY MAN OF GOD FOR THAT MATTER TO URSELF.

iheanyiebeneze:
As we head into NFP, buy GU now @ 1.5130 for a 100pips take profit. RRR=1;1.
Bring stop loss to BE as soon as market is 30pips in your favour.

kYjelly2:


bae, am still wantin to lick ur yansh. ive not lost hope yet

servicefxng:


Good morning bro,yes I do and thanks

TV01:
Domestic violence – I suppose it’s worthy of discussion, although not something I’m personally that interested in. Many reasons for that, but one is that I rarely hear it parsed objectively and unemotionally. And I have personally seen a wide range – if not the full spectrum of DV.

My first point is about the term “abuse” itself. When I was younger it was essentially to be “verbally rude”. Now it seems it has become a catch-all term for any kind of wrong or “perceived” wrong behaviour.

Terms should always be clearly clarified before, or during discussion. Many households exist in what could be described as “low-level conflict”. This can be anything from rows, silent-treatment, to what one may term light physical altercations.

These are often jointly provoked and engaged it, and typically don’t escalate to requiring “intervention” – or only minimally. It can happen for a number of reasons and for different time spans - and yes, as they grow and mature together, many couples get beyond this.

Secondly, it’s routinely discussed as something men do to women, which even if physical abuse is preponderously against women, is simply not the case. And often women are given a free pass when it comes to their abuse – verbal or physical. That doesn’t help anyone.

The term domestic violence captures all relationships, not just marriage. And of all domestic arrangements, marriage remains the safest for women and children.

Female/female relationships are the most violent, followed by male/male, then male/female unwed, before you get to marriage proper. Talking of DV as if it’s something that occurs in marriages only, is again skewed at best and damaging at worst.

But my main concern is around divorce. Many jump from “abuse” to “divorce” – as if one is the logical outcome of the other. The next step is to condemn the stigma around divorce, and demand that divorce be de-stigmatised.

Divorce is stigmatised for a reason – and rightly so. Tying abuse to divorce is like tying abortion to rape. As I stated above, lots of what may be termed abuse does not warrant divorce. And, lots of divorces have nothing to do with abuse per se.

Under the rubric of de-stigmatising divorce for “abuse victims”, there is the risk of de-stigmatising divorce as a whole, which weakens the marriage institution.

We already see the escalating numbers of what are frivolous divorces, compounded by ill-founded marriages, as if divorce is “not a thing”, then marriage itself loses its gravity, and is not entered into with the right degree of sobriety.

Then there are the long-term outcomes. As much as many portray divorce as a neat solution to DV, it is never that simple – and I speak specifically about where kids are involved.

Divorce always damages kids – how badly may vary. Tropes like the “kids just want their parents to be happy”, or the “kids will be happier if I am happy”, are just that, mindless tropes. Children are happier if their parents stay together and attend to their needs. Yes kids are selfish and blinkered – although not as much as some adults it seems.

Not only does it damage them in the moment, but the damage can be deep-seated, even generational, as it goes on to affect how they form and engage in relationships and their views on marriage.

And beyond children, walking away from a marriage is not that simple. It’s akin to bereavement and psychologically very hard to deal with. Even with financial independence and a decent support system, the future can be very bleak.

So yes, it’s worth enduring, and worth seeking a solution to a troubled union – even if “abuse” is part of that trouble. The question should be around how long and at what point.

So I guess another reason is that I personally feel efforts are best focused on preparing people for marriage, to minimise the probability of abuse and divorce as an outcome. And I say marriage, as I have no truck with domestic arrangements outside it.

Not saying there are no benefits in DV crusades or campaigns, by all means, carry go, but at least try not to hamper the efforts of marriage advocates by valorising divorce.

Please don’t quote me stupid.


TV