₦airaland Forum

notobiafrababe:
This is my honest take on this matter.
First of all, you handled it well by telling her clearly that you shouldn’t be the one she’s complaining to. That was mature. Once someone is married, especially to another person, emotional boundaries must be respected. No matter the history, you are no longer her safe space.
Now let’s address the real issue.
Marriage is not Instagram. Marriage is not wedding pictures. Marriage is not matching outfits and anniversary captions. Marriage is two imperfect people managing expectations, responsibilities, finances, personalities, family pressure, and sometimes regret.
Some people marry for love.
Some marry for money.
Some marry for pressure.
Some marry for security.
And some marry thinking “it will get better with time.”
But marriage only amplifies what was already there.
If she married a man old enough to be her father because she thought he was “gold,” then she made a choice. Whether that choice was influenced by comfort, pressure, or glitter it was still her decision. Regret after marriage does not automatically mean marriage is bad. It simply means she may have chosen wrongly or for the wrong reasons.
Now, to your question:
Are married men not spending time with their wives?
Some are. Some aren’t.
Are all marriages enjoyable?
No.
Are some marriages peaceful and beautiful?
Absolutely yes.
The difference is not age gap alone. It is compatibility, communication, emotional maturity, shared values, and realistic expectations.
A happy home is not built on: • Money alone
• Social media validation
• Age difference
• Pressure to “secure your future”
A happy home is built on: • Friendship before romance
• Emotional safety
• Mutual respect
• Financial understanding
• Honest communication
• And choosing your partner daily, even when feelings fluctuate
The bigger red flag here is not her unhappy marriage. It is her constantly coming back to you emotionally. That is emotional cheating territory. Whether she realizes it or not, she is trying to reconnect with a past comfort zone because her present is uncomfortable.
You are wise to consider blocking her if she continues. Protect your peace. You are not her therapist. You are not her rescue mission. And you definitely are not her backup plan.
For those planning to marry in the future:
Don’t marry to escape your current life.
Don’t marry because of pressure.
Don’t marry because someone looks financially secure.
Don’t marry someone you cannot talk to freely.
Don’t ignore red flags because of “benefits.”
Marry someone you can laugh with on a bad day.
Marry someone who listens.
Marry someone who respects your growth.
Marry someone whose values align with yours.
Marriage is enjoyable when two people are intentional. It is miserable when one person is pretending.
And lastly if someone leaves you thinking another place is greener, let them stay where they planted themselves. Don’t water what walked away.
Protect your single and peaceful life until the right person comes.
That’s my two cents.

Really!!!

Did you just called all that two cents? Ma'am, that's like 50 cents

TruthHurts1:
So by your logic, codifying inequality under the law is a good thing?

Also, I don't know why you people love dishonesty so much. The Robert Morris case you mentioned has nothing to do with reduced criminal liability because he is a Christian clergy man. He was sentenced to 10 years, but he only served 6 months because his conviction was obtained via a plea bargain where he had to stand up in court and declare that he was guilty of the crime.

The only reason why the prosecution agreed to the plea bargain was that the crime took place many years before the victim reported it and it was extremely difficult to gather enough evidence to convict him for the full 10 year sentence.

Having him confess in open court was important because it meant that he would now be a registered sex offender for the rest of his life and he was also made to pay restitution to the victim.

America doesn't reserve special treatment for Christian clergy men who break the law.

In fact one of the longest prison sentences on record in American history was against a pastor who molested children.

I tell you this for free... If it were to be a BLACK MAN, regardless of weather the crime committed was 20 years ago or the suspect pleaded and admitted to the crime using a megaphone, the verdict would be brutal.

LordBiden:
Bush people will say it is juju.

It is called penis captivus.

No be everything be juju.

Read una no go read,so so big brother naija season drama una sabi.

Yeye.

I tends to disagree...

The question is have you seen or heard about this happening to couples before?

Why is it always during infidelity..?


Believe it is penis captivus at your own perils...

bhankie:
This woman is too beautiful to die nau

So only the uglies should die?

Death is inevitable, and it's inevitabilities makes it insignificant. We all will, that's why we should come at peace with it.

RIP Mrs.

RevenuesBoost:
Yummy 😋

Pls what is yummy in bread and fanta?

E ma wa gbami!

What a stress-free BISLAMA is... I love that country already

Mariangeles:
Wow! That is awesome.✨
I'm glad everything turned out well.

To rear local chickens seem easy.
Only that they attract predators, and I don't know what I would do if I woke one morning to find my chickens all gone.

Aside them free roaming, do you feed them something else?

More chickens to your coop.

By the way, check out this video I stumbled upon: https://youtube.com/shorts/NYxWRVQblOo?si=VdTXXQYn6SZA6a36

you don't need to have that fear in you, and if it eventually happens you start all over again like it happened to me. I lost all my hen within the space of a month then, it really discouraged me completely but I never gave up, I believe it will work out and here I am.

I really want to make them a flock of hen by this time next year. I will improve their breed by introducing Noilers With them, majorly
to improve their sizes. And yes, I do feed them every morning with finishers feed, corn, kitchen waste and I do give them multivitamin and antibiotics too.

truthhurts2:
My last comment here was that my last local hen (after I'd lost the rest somehow someway) also died on eggs during brooding mysteriously. Now, I've relocated to a more better place, just me and my family alone inside a very big compound. I bought another five set consisting of a roaster and 4 hen. Here is my concern now, 2 hen are laying together, I saw it late, it was around 6 eggs when I did. When it was 8 eggs I tried to separate 4-4 not far from each other but any time I check one(I don't know which one) would have joined everything together again, now, as of today, the eggs are 17 in number and they haven't stopped laying. What if they didn't hatch them at all or they hatch like 30% of it? Or, maybe I should kuku pack them inside and start eating them myself.


I can't afford wastage!

Updates on my brooding hens...

The two hens brooding together finally hatched on Sunday. @Mariangeles told me to allow nature take place and it actually did, out of 19 eggs they hatched 16 and I'm really happy. I moved them into cage immediately to keep them safe from predators like the reptiles and/or the birds. The other two hens (hope you guys remember the hens are 4 in total) will soon hatch too (both of them are also brooding together), they are both sitting on 20 eggs. So I hope by next week they should hatch. At least If I can get 16+ chicks from them too I'll be really happy. I will try all possible best not to lose any chick from both sides.

Caaz:
Have you ever farted in the presence of your partner and how was their reaction?

Mine...he will just hold his note and look me with gbejero eyes.(bad eyes)
Some times when he does his,i would tell him,a man is not suppose to fart and he's just start laughing.

She does it all the time without even apologizing and I take no offense with it, while me on the other hand hate doing that shit openly or publicly cos I'll feel embarrassed... It just aren't my thing.

But when it's just me and me alone, I really do love making loud sound with it

SpencerForbes:
I had effectively closed my chapter on this debate, but since you mentioned me specifically, I will provide my final take for clarity. I want you to look at this blueprint objectively and tell me exactly where the logic fails. The fundamental premise here is that marriage is a partnership, not a solo burden. If a young man earning 100k—which is above the 70k minimum wage—is wise enough to marry an industrious partner earning a similar 90k to 100k, they immediately establish a combined household base of roughly 200k.

That 200k isn't just for consumption; it serves as leverage. They can comfortably set aside funds to start a side hustle like a POS business or workplace provision sales, or even invest in high-income skills like cybersecurity. If the lady is equally active and invests capital into cloth vending, that is an immediate startup. When you combine the salaries with the profits from these ventures, the family income can easily rise to around 300k monthly.

Here is where the real strategy kicks in. If they agree to suspend childbearing for the first two years, they accumulate serious capital. With a monthly inflow of around 300k, they generate 3.6 million in a year and 7.2 million over two years. Even if we account for a realistic expenditure of 5 million naira for living costs during that period, they are left with a solid savings reserve of 2.2 million naira before their first child even arrives. With that capital, they can diversify further into agriculture like poultry or pig farming. In five years, a family operating on this model will have absolutely no issue affording protein or maintaining a good standard of living.

Success relies on choosing an industrious (not our online feminist and woke ladies) supportive partner and adhering to strict strategic financial planning.

I honestly don't think I need to respond to @SIRTee15 again cos, you've said it all. I'm sincerely and honestly tired of arguing or making people to see or understand some strategic ways to get some things done.

People get mind ooo, using Pitbull as a pet... That dog is the second in command to the devil.

SIRTee15:
so what about protein? fish, chicken, turkey.
fruits?
beef, goat meat?
half a cartoon of chicken is around 25k
5 pieces of croaker fish is around 15k. even common titus, 2kg is 10k.
dey play.

Look here...all those things can be achieved or gotten and/substitute for.

Is it that compulsory to eat chicken or turkey?

And if you want to eat fish must you go for the expensive one? We have the less expensive ones which for just family of 3 will eat a kilo or half for 4 days or more, and even, is it a must you must eat fish or meat or chicken every blessed day?

And I can see you mention fruits... I just want to ask you a question, DO YOU PERSONALLY EAT FRUIT EVERY DAY? WHEN LAST HAVE YOU EATEN ONE?

And please hope you don't forget what we are having discussion on... You said no way 50k will be enough to feed FAMILY OF 3. That's the sub-topic.

SIRTee15:
50k monthly for food in today's economy for a family of 3, u will know person wey never carry responsibility.

Smiles...

What are they eating? 50k is more than enough to feed family of 3. I spent 100k on food stuff last month which is Oct, bought a bag of rice, beans, garri, noodles (for my child), palm oil, veg oil and I produce locally made semo and some other things (though, I planted 5 different types of vegetables in my compound, planted tomatoes and also rearing some birds). And we are also family of 3. We haven't eaten one quarter of the rice, we still have more of everything that'll last us till early or middle of February. Pls how many months is that if you start counting from October?

So my brother, 50k is way more than enough for JUST FAMILY OF 3 to feed in one month.

SpencerForbes:
This is truly an encouraging testimony for every young man out there trying to build a solid home.

Your experience is clear evidence of what proper planning and disciplined strategy can achieve, even when starting small. You definitely married a gem, not one of these entitled 'online feminists' we hear complaining everywhere. It wasn’t easy, but the way you navigated those tough early years is the best part of the story. And the fact that you stopped at one child to build capacity first, rather than having six, is a highly commendable display of foresight. Well done, sir!

Thanks for that sir!

What I'll advise for people is that no time is to late to start something. If you Start or not, right there, same spot you will notice 3, 5 years gone and when you look back you'll see how far you've gone or how miserable you've been.

THE BEST TIME TO PLANT A TREE IS 20 YEARS AGO, THE SECOND BEST TIME IS NOW!

SpencerForbes:
Our issue is that we love copying others without looking at our own pockets. You don't have to use premium brands just because society dictates it. Babies have been raised successfully without breaking the bank for generations.

Let’s be realistic: if we wait until every man has millions in savings before procreating, the population would crash. A struggling young man and a hardworking partner can build from scratch. There are affordable apartments in decent areas—you don't need luxury to be a good parent.

The blueprint is simple: Start small, stabilize, and then expand. The only major issue is rent and the initial infant stages when the child needs premium food and care . Honestly, if a man earning ₦200k plans well and cuts his coat according to his cloth, coupled with a sensible wife (not all this urban Gen Z) he can raise a small family while working on increasing his income. We need to stop discouraging people with unrealistic standards. How many men do you think will end up with more than 10 million naira savings in Nigeria?

I kind of agreed with you for real, you can start small and expand gradually. I married when I was earning little more than 100k in my business ( I actually don't fancy salary/monthly job) and which is almost going to 4 years now with a child. And let me also say this, my wife is also a workaholic monster , she's into fashion.

When everything looked tough somehow I think of diversifying and I diversified. I moved into agric business, livestock production. But before I started, I raised 100k and loaded up the house with food stuff so that my mind will switch off from what are we going to eat and stuff like that.

I'm establishing local chicken now, started with 4 hens and a roaster. Which all the 4 hens are brooding on 39 eggs as I'm typing.

4 months ago I collected 25 broilers chickens, raised and sold them all out at 7-8 weeks old. I increased the number to 50 in my second batch and sold them all out exactly 6 weeks old. Now, I've made payments for another one carton which is 50 pieces, but this time, with 17 turkey ( 7 imported + 10 local).

By next year January I'll be adding fishing to it, will go and clear and clean the pond next weekend.

I also want to add goats, geese and imported ducks...but it's a gradual process.

I'm really happy for the progress though, but navigating through them all hasn't been easy, but because I already know that what to eat has already been taking care of and that really ease my mind a lot.

Peterobiisathie:
as e dey pain them e dey sweet us

as e dey sweet us omo e dey pain them

Lukuluku69:
Lol

It is not gamble but a survival instinct engraved in their DNA. I have had dozens of hen do that a number of times and what is beautiful in this is that, the chicks will be raised together. The chicks will recognise the calls of the two hens.

No aggression towards the chicks while feeding and moving around.

I once had three hens do that once. Altogether, the had 25 chicks between them.

It was just beautiful to behold. And yiunknow there is a pecking order, sometimes, the older hen will peck and try to chase away the other two hens, they will just Puff up in reverence and submission but they will never abandon the chicks and neither will the older hen attack the chicks.

that's cool though...

The one I experienced before was when my 2 hens brood and hatched together, the next day was a heavy down pour and it swept all their chicks away without any one left.


And you're right about them not showing aggression towards the chicks raised together.

truthhurts2:


I'll keep updating

These hens can't stop surprising...smiles

They've have finally shared these eggs, can I even say shared? No! They've divided them into two, but none is permanently sitting/brooding on one, they're doing it interchangeably (i.e if the white hen sit on eggs A now and the brown hen sit on B, after like 3 hour you will see the white one sitting on B while the brown sitting on A).

In my mind I was like...why are you using the lives of these chicks to gamble? If they sha born you well make you no hatch them, na inside pot both of Una go end.

Imagine! You left your husband because he cheated on you with another woman and you went ahead to date another married man who was cheating on his wife with you? What you rejected was the same thing you went to embrace somewhere else.

What a confused, wicked and self-centered creature.

Mariangeles:
Na wa O!
They're acting like nwunye-di [co-wife]. 😀

What won't one see with these birds.

I'll keep updating

Mariangeles:
The question is, is the other one willing to sit on her eggs?
You should be thankful one is willing to sit on the eggs.
Just make up your mind to accept what is hatched at the end.

both of them are actually willing to, but once one sit on it she won't allow the other. The question now remains how many eggs will one be able to hatch? Cos the eggs are much. But like you said, I should accept whatever the outcome.

Mariangeles:
Leave them, let nature take its course.
You, just observe.

I've read here how chickens can [url][/url] tobe surrogate, as well as adoptive mothers for chicks.

Local chickens are smart.

the way I am looking at it, when it's brooding time it's only one that'll want to sit on those eggs, and it'll be more than what one hen can sit on cos she won't cover it all.

My last comment here was that my last local hen (after I'd lost the rest somehow someway) also died on eggs during brooding mysteriously. Now, I've relocated to a more better place, just me and my family alone inside a very big compound. I bought another five set consisting of a roaster and 4 hen. Here is my concern now, 2 hen are laying together, I saw it late, it was around 6 eggs when I did. When it was 8 eggs I tried to separate 4-4 not far from each other but any time I check one(I don't know which one) would have joined everything together again, now, as of today, the eggs are 17 in number and they haven't stopped laying. What if they didn't hatch them at all or they hatch like 30% of it? Or, maybe I should kuku pack them inside and start eating them myself.


I can't afford wastage!

ezugegere:
Death is one thing we will never get used to

I think we should always be at peace with death. Death is inevitable, it will comes to us all. And that inevitability robs deaths of its entirely significant. What matters are the things that are not inevitable.

The clock is ticking for everyone!

What I've known and witnessed about awarding and doing a project is terrible. It's very easy to start pointing fingers to the contractor and not the contract awardees. Imagine, before they can decide awarding a contract to a company there are a lot of shady things underneath, like the big bosses inside that ministry slashing the money into two and giving you the other half, and out of it again there are lots of people that will still be demanding from it and you dare not say no. Like someone already said, corruption is from the top to the very bottom. So before shouting corruption upandan check yourself first...

It's the Jason's law

"The decibel of an average *Nigerian's public outcry is directly proportional to his distance from the opportunity to do exactly what he condemns."

*Jason's Law* further states:
*"The difference between many a vociferous, sanctimonious and pontificating Nigerian and the villainous, itchy-fingered kleptomaniac is probably the absence of the opportunity to steal."*

*Jason's Law* concludes:
"In all probability, should the opportunity occur, *yesterday's moral Crusader, is more likely to crumble and disappear under the weight of Corruption."*

Explained in simple terms, *Jason's Law* maintains that the farther the distance between a *Nigerian (African) and power-authority position, the higher the noise he makes against acts of corruption; the nearer he is to the position, the lesser the noise he makes.*
*...and When in the Position, the noise Ceases completely

Agricultural science, biology and English

Ok, the abnormal people carrying out their abnormal dirty job


That's terribleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Mariangeles:
Happy new month, nairaland foodies.✨
Welcome to sweet November.

Picture credit: Google

I will finish all if it's with tea or plenty fried eggs, but maybe half with beans or stew.

EDGEof2MORO:
you do realise west african CFA (like one of you posted a screeshot of) is different from central african CFA? right? I mean the man that did the exchange physically is telling you what happened in front of him and you in your bedroom are doubting. c'mon now

FULL disclosure: I was also confused when OP shared how much CFA he got at the exchange. Someone's post here reminded me we are talking about Central african CFA. I expected the poster that "researched" to put up a screenshot to at least see that there is more than one CFA on the currency exchange rate table.

Maybe that would have done justice to it though

Kobojunkie:
He may have feelings for your wife, so what? He has a wife of his own, and your wife is married to you. Are you looking to create the opportunity for him to get at your wife then?

2. You are not making any sense. Are her parents trying to take her from you and then give her to him instead? Is that what you reason they could be doing by their actions and friendship with the man?

I'm not here to argue with you though, but please, is your thinking façülty faūlty?

MeezPat:
2000cfa cannot be 25000 naira please. 1CFA=2.5 naira.Make una sofri

Exactly what I was thinking...