₦airaland Forum

When an American citizen applies for a visa to visit Europe, the process is largely a formality. When a French citizen flies into Canada, the border is almost a gesture. But when a Nigerian professional, a Ghanaian academic, or a Kenyan entrepreneur applies for a visa to visit those same countries, the process becomes an interrogation. Proof of employment. Proof of property. Proof of family ties. Bank statements going back six months. Letters of invitation. Evidence, essentially, that they intend to return that they are not, in the quiet language of immigration policy, a flight risk.

Which of those are more likely to not return to their home country? Why do we pretend we don’t know what the problem is?

orisa37:
The right wing DEFINITELY winning the next election and will be majorly based on immigration reforms.
And that would be Satanic. A plot to commence a new HEGEMONIC APARTIED ENDTIME WAR OF LOVE AND HATE.
THE INDIANS AND THE NIGERIANS ARE COMING.

A plot to ask that you stay in your home country is apartheid?

orisa37:
FARAGE IS EVIL. MAY BE KC, KS AND KB SHOULD JOIN FARAGE TO REFORM HIS PARTY .

Why is Farage evil? Because he wants Britain to look like Britain? If 40% of Abuja were Ugandans, most of you would be throwing tantrums worse than Farage.

Oluwabukolaanik:
so because a student was refused now for not being a genuine student means if he or she apply again they will refuse the person?
It’s not fair stop trying to defend them

Why is it unfair? It's their country... they require you to show a minimum level of integrity, and you failed. If they ran their country as you expect, there would be no UK for you to run to.

Agugbadin:
Nice one from our performing minister. Hadi Sirika will go and hide when he reads about Barrister Festus Keyamo's steller performance.

Federal government essentially guaranteeing loans for aircraft leases instead of building a low cost national airline? That's not a stellar performance.

Colony7:
That's why anyone that thinks Nigeria will be "great" a century from now is just having late night orgsam thoughts. You need to look at the young and youthful generation to know the future of a nation. Thoughts like his tells you all you need to know.

I really want the west to keep succeeding, because if they fail, the world will just turn to a shithole because no other civilization will give the freedom the world enjoys today. I wish all western nations can have a Trump

This is all emotional codswallop. You did not address the point at all.

charliejose:
And which countries are responsible for the chaos, poverties, wars in these so-called "ethnicities"? including your country?? This is literally a case of the chicken coming back to roost. We have a lot of self-hating, white-worshipping Nigerians like yourself over here that make people think we have no sense of self-worth as a people. Same America that was literally owned by the same brown-skinned people that you are thrash-talking about, before being stolen by the white in the most violent and atrocious means possible.

And yes, you are a negro! You'd never be white no matter how much you want to be or bleach your skin. I mean this person you are defending wouldn't even see you befitting to piss on.

Aren't we tired of these silly excuses? Shanghai was a dump in 1991; today, no African country comes close to its worst neighborhood.

charliejose:
And which countries are responsible for the chaos, poverties, wars in these so-called "ethnicities"? including your country?? This is literally a case of the chicken coming back to roost. We have a lot of self-hating, white-worshipping Nigerians like yourself over here that make people think we have no sense of self-worth as a people. Same America that was literally owned by the same brown-skinned people that you are thrash-talking about, before being stolen by the white in the most violent and atrocious means possible.

And yes, you are a negro! You'd never be white no matter how much you want to be or bleach your skin. I mean this person you are defending wouldn't even see you befitting to piss on.

Plenty of brown countries in the Americas - Haiti, Mexico, Guatemala, El Salvador... yet you only travel to the whitest countries - US, Canada. Perhaps it isnt whites that are the problem but you.

Herkim:
Hello bro, begging is not in their dictionary unlike we Africans , we always have feelings and second thoughts for humanity.

If we indeed had feelings and second thoughts for humanity, our countries would be paradise on earth. Begging is a sign that we have no set principles or laws.

LoverOfLove:
You guys, I'm in some sort of trouble and I need advice.

I applied for a US student visa in both 2024 and 2025 but got denied on both attempts.

Now, the US has banned Nigeria and I don't know how long it will take so I've decided to try Canada PR pathway. The problem now is, during my US student visa application, in order to "package" my application, I wrote there that I work at an organization that I actually don't work in and inflated my salary. I didn't have a job but I was advised that declaring I didn't have a job would lead to an immediate denial. So I inflated everything.

Now, it's haunting me regarding my Canada PR application. I do not intend to claim points for the US work. I currently work as a corp member and the only payment I receive is from the government.

Let me even come out cleaner. I worked at my PPA from January and left this March due to the fact that I wasn't getting paid and transport cost was eating me up. So I got a rejection letter from the organization and currently looking for a new PPA.

I was hoping to use my old PPA to claim point in case I don't get a new PPA till I finish NYSC. I was thinking if I speak to the PPA man, he'll give me a reference letter and the necessary documents I need. But I don't have a payslip or tax slip. For bank statement, payment is only the 77k payment the government paid us.

Lastly, I should mention that the amount I wrote I earn on my US application is quite high 400k+.

[b]I messed myself up. [/b]Experienced and knowledgeable people in the house should help me please.

You didn't mess yourself up. You established that you are a fraud and are still willing to commit fraud to gain an undue advantage. You are part of the problem. No one can help you.

laivwire:
Elipheleh, my story is very similar to yours and it's been on for over a decade now.
3rd class, no job, no business. No ambition.
All she wants is a good life and money to spend.... and it is frustrating to say the least.

This is despite the fact that I broke my first true relationship of over 4 years because of this fear. I had seen enough experiences with my uncles to know it's not a good idea. All the wife would care about are her kids, watching Nollywood all day, and wanting the latest items they see on other people they gossip about. I discussed this with my wife before marriage that I do not want a wife like this and she said yes, ok. Only to count several years in marriage and she never stepped out of the house to go work for one day. I've designed CV multiple times and given her money for business. All down the drain because she has no drive to do it.

But I will reecho what honour8 said. I met my wife at a low point in life but ever since, I have found myself in an upward trajectory. Every big project I put my hands into, even though it's quite difficult and takes a long time, eventually turns successful. I previously had a cycle of 3 years of good tidings and by the fourth year I would be expecting some kind of setback but things changed since I met her. She talks about it too.

Now, I'm not so spiritual or anything. I have fought with her countless times and given her several ultimatums in this issue but it's just ingrained in her not to do/want anything other than her current life.

I'm not giving up on her however because even though her inaction has put me in dire straits when it comes to making some big career decisions multiple times, I choose to look at the positives. She's good natured, loves to care for the kids better than anyone else I know and does all housewifely chores gladly. Cook, clean, etc

Besides there are many educated Nigerian couples out there today with only the husband working. Even though the wife wants to work, there's no opportunity. So just manage your accounts and lead your family the best way you can given the situation.

At the end of the day, the highlighted is the most important job any woman can ever have. Your wife does it well, and gladly. Be grateful, many men don't even have that. This distorted idea that your wife is only successful when she is serving another man at work is interesting.

DenChi101:
Please anyone currently schooling at Houston or University of Houston precisely? I need help in going about accommodation. Please help.

What would you need?

malali:
I hope commander in chief Bola Ahmed Tinubu addresses the nation in a timely fashion.

We are under attack as a sovereign nation.

President Tinubu needs to come out and explain, how nd why he gave permission for a foreign governement to strike Nigerian soil.

Was it approved by Nigerian senate ? was Akpabio complicit.

To what goal or aim is the strike on Nigeria suppose to achieve ?

So many questions,I hope due process was obtained.

Islamists obtained due process to kidnap school girls? 🥱

Blood in stool and weight loss?

Get checked for colon cancer.

Kobojunkie:
OP, just so you know, marriage is not by force. A good portion of individuals out there are not married and will never be, and that is OK. If you can find peace in your life as it is today, there is no need or reason to need to change it or feel burdened to add marriage(or even children) to the equation.

I feel you're trying too hard to justify your own life choices.

Peterlove11:
Mothers are Mothers.....let her go and reconcile with her mom. It benefits her more in the long run

That's utter nonsense. Being an egg donor does not make one a mother.

Bastiver:
So when did I said they should ignore it.
If America want to act, they should deal with the whole terrorist in Nigeria, instead of this marginalizing act.
The terrorist are Muslim but they don't kill only christian, that what am trying to tell.
And if you disagree, i don't see myself replying your message, cox even your conscience know the truth.
Period

You should have stopped at the highlighted statement. Once you understand that problem, it is incumbent on muslim leaders to be at the forefront of tackling the problem. Instead, you waffle, claim they don't only kill Christians, and then go to sleep. You are essentially complicit.

America doesn't have to deal with anything... it can simply support the dissolution of the country along geographical lines, and northern muslims can move on and join their arab brothers. Leave the rest of us in peace.

Abdul05:
Gumi has a point....about trump politics..

But let be honest...Nigerians of all faiths are victims of the same violence..

Calling it Christian genocide is misleading..our fight is against insecurity..not each other

The above is the most meaningless statement ever. Our fight is against WHAT insecurity? The inability to be honest about what it is is why we will never stop it.

Deep down, muslims understand the problem. But you tacitly view it as a necessary evil, no different from what Mohammad did in his day. So you pretend not to see it, and then excuse it by hiding it under the banner of "insecurity" as if that fixes the problem.

Bastiver:
I don't even see this as a debate , it is very very very obvious that they are killing both Muslim and Christian.

So that makes it ok to ignore it and pretend it isnt a problem? Who is doing the killing? MUSLIMS. You're basically agreeing that muslims are a violent people who should not be allowed anywhere in polite society.

Abdul05:
Bros, the truth is..we must stop judging the whole religion by the actions of a few extremists..

Every religion has people who misuse it for hate..But that doesn't make the faith Itself evil..

But there's only one religion that continues to be a purveyor of evil all over the world. You can pretend all you want. We've allowed you to hide behind this talking point for way too long.

I am a living legend

TenQ:
She never said that her husband isn't working. She was concerned that he wasn't motivated to doing more. She used the example of him sleeping at 9 pm as an example.

Semantics. He "works" remotely at a Job that pays the equivalent of $340... rent alone in their apartment is $950. How can a man, a leader of his home, go to bed at 9p with this reality? Why isnt he motivated to assist his wife to cover the rest, let alone other household expenses, including the cost of the very cell phone he uses?

TenQ:
The first solution to a marital problem is not Divorce. Divorce or Separation is only an option either when every solution proffered had been exhausted with no resolution in sight or the life or sanity of the other person is threatened.

That is correct. But assumes that we have both partners pulling in the same direction. That's clearly not the case here. This is basically forcing a woman to bear with an abusive, indolent spouse.

TenQ:
I mentioned LOVE because of the lack of understanding of what Love is amongst married people. Love is NOT an emotion: love is a CHOICE we make in building the life of the other person.

Irrelevant. There is nothing in her post that suggests that her complaints are centered around her emotions. She has talked about practical realities - financial responsibilities on her shoulders alone, a husband who is unsupportive, abusive, indolent, unwilling to take on his role as a leader and provider, and who withholds his body from her for no justified reason. Those are CHOICES he makes, and no spouse should be forced to "build" a grown man into his basic responsibilities.

TenQ:
We don't reject our children and take them to an orphanage when they are not compliant : the reason is because we chose to love them. When we can't do this for our spouse, it puts to question if we really do love our spouse in the first place

Irrelevant. This is not a child, but a grown adult. Based on her account, there is a serious question as to whether her husband ever loved her in the first place. You're asking the wrong person.

TenQ:
It was marriage!
She only did not do her due diligence during courtship. Thus this is equally her fault.
She must have noticed these traits in him before marriage BUT she overlooked them.

Fully agree. She is at fault for marrying someone she felt was "spiritual" when it was all a cover for an empty shell of a person.

TenQ:
The question every person in courtship should ask themselves is "Can I live with the consequences of each of his weaknesses!?"
If you cannot, why go on with the Wedding in the first place.

Agreed. She made that mistake, she is not bound to continue to suffer in it. She has a CHOICE to leave.

TenQ:
No one can change another person: it is an impossibility!
As you make your bed, so you sleep on it!

But earlier, you encouraged her to "build" her spouse? Which is it?

Kobojunkie:
I continue not to see your point since OP never hinted at his wife completely withdrawing sex and affection from him after a ring and a baby. How you even arrived at those being what she wanted.... I fail to see in any of what OP posted so far about his woman.

You're perpetually arguing with everyone, so I'm going to bow out. You have the floor.

Kobojunkie:
Again, OP tested her ability to give and receive affection and gave her his approval.

All of which she promptly withdrew once she got what she wanted - a ring and a baby. Your point?

lucane123:
This is why I'm not a fan of no sex till after marriage, don't quote me wrong, I'm not saying is not good.. infact it's godly, but I'm not just a fan. I have to know my woman and ensure we sexually compatible before marriage.

Not necessarily true. My wife said no sex before marriage... and she's easily better sexually than any other woman I've been with. The difference is that she understands what a marriage is and fully commits herself to it. Looking back, sex before marriage was completely of no value.

Kobojunkie:
The major reason why asexual women choose marriage is because society tells women they are nothing without men. And many of us have mothers and grandmothers who are asexual women, but were forced into marriage and then had to force themselves to accept having their bodies poked and prodded in marriage. So, let's please stop trying to paint asexual women black or as bad women.

According to OP, he tested her ability to give and receive affection before marriage and did not find her wanting. This means she ticked all of the right boxes for him — she is the wife material of his choice. That she has not been giving him affection ever since discovering that she is pregnant is something entirely different. It does not matter whether you think she is asexual or not, as what matters is that she submitted to marriage and was accepted by OP as his partner as-is.

Other than not giving him sex and remaining firm about her decision, OP hasn't complained about anything else about his wife. Why make her out to be a villain?

That is not true. It's not so much the sex op has complained about, but the complete withdrawal of ALL forms of affection. As he puts it, he is no better than a roommate with his supposed wife. To pretend it's just about sex, so we can hide behind "she's pregnant" is just as dishonest as a woman who knows she has a very low sexual libido leading a man into a marriage she fully does not intend to commit to.

Kobojunkie:
There are several reasons why a person can literally shut down in that way, and some of them happen to be psychological. Fear/Anxiety is a major reason why many people do so.

You literally concluded that the woman is asexual, and I am unable to share your conclusion, given that OP himself revealed that they said that they would kiss and smooch before marriage.

OP literally told his story from the point of his not getting his libido and want for affection satisfied, and didn't really reveal much else except that this all started after the woman realized she had taken in, and according to him, has not impacted her daily life. Without much else to go by, the best we can do is point him towards allowing the woman, whom he assures us is brand new to sex and pregnancy, to wrap her mind around potential fears that may be associated with such changes in the life of a woman. Simple!

If she refused to even kiss and smooch before marriage, likely op would have chosen not to marry her. Lots of asexual women put up with sex to get married or have kids.

Kobojunkie:
You married a woman without an established sexual history — you literally have no reference to work off of as far as her sexual history—expecting that she would automagically jump into your sexual rhythm right after marriage. I am afraid what you need to check at this point are your expectations. What choice do you have other than to let her work through her issues and come out to explain it to you when she is ready to? 🥱🥱🥱

This doesn't make sense. If she were only choosing not to have sex, I would understand. She's basically shut down any form of affection completely. How is it crazy to expect that newlyweds would want to touch each other, hug, kiss, and hold hands? Bizarre.

Double0h7:
That’s got to be so terrifying for her. Imagine, to never have had sex and on your first attempt you get pregnant. For a woman that’s 2 fears in 1. The anxiety of having to give birth before you even set your mind on being a wife. Why wouldn’t sex be the last thing on her mind.

What’s even sadder is ops selfish attitude. He doesn’t even care about her wellbeing because a wife is an incubator and a sex tool for him and his like. I honestly believe a lot of men hate women and refuse to see them as human beings. Reading the comments from men on this thread is shocking. No mercy.

I really hope young ladies are paying attention and are not looking to these men as some knights coming to save them. My sister prioritise your education and be ready to rescue yourself before one beast uses you as a sex tool before he throws you and your seed out of HIS house.

Women with no interest in sex would be doing men a huge favor by being up front about it, so unsuspecting men don't end up in fruitless marriages. Marriage is a give and take... even the bible acknowledges that our bodies are to be sex tools for each other. 1 Corinthians 7:4.

Enough of the guilt tripping.

NotOfThisWorld:
Just talk to her, or wait until May 2026 when she will deliver. May 2026 is just around the corner, even though you'll have to give her some time after that as well. You cannot expect her to want to do the do with you right after she puts to bed. She's your wife; she's not going anywhere. Just be patient. Patience, patience.

Which is probably why she is comfortably switching to the real her. Its not the sex that is a worry, its the complete refusal for any form of affection - even touching her or hugging.

He's stuck with an asexual individual. Good luck.

TenQ:
One of the first rules of marital counselling is never to judge or condemn until you have heard the back and forth from both parties.
Notwithstanding,
1. Since you've not heard from the man, how did you arrive at the notion that her husband is cruel, lazy and a fraud?


2. You claim that you see some of his traits in yourself - quiet, not as willing to go out, took lots of trying for my wife to get me out to clubs. Since you know that your wife wants you to go out to club with her, why is it difficult for you to do this simple thing?

Is this deliberate on your part or it's your default nature?


3. You conclude that He withholds sexual satisfaction from his wife willfully BUT the Wife herself said that her husband is WEAK!
Are you aware that some men have very low Libido? Their level of Testosterone is below average and thus both their drive, interest and strength are low!

As a man, if your wife has a naturally low libido, is the answer to divorce her because of this?

So, my brother!
My stance is to encourage her and give advice on remedying her situation because it is a one-sided story for now! Divorce or separation is the LAST option to be put on the table except her life or sanity is under immediate threat.

The first point of call is to see to the resolution of the problem from a one-sided point of view UNTIL the other partner can be made to come to the table.

A Fundamental mistake was made in their courtship. The objective is to build and repair their marriage and not to destroy it.

The problem with many is that they assume that LOVE is an emotion. But, no: LOVE is a CHOICE and COMMITMENT to Build the other Person at Personal Expense!

I will respond to two points here:

1. You are correct that we must not judge, having not heard from the man... but certain things can be inferred from objective facts. Unless we believe she is 100% lying, a man who spends most of his time sleeping, refusing to pick up basic jobs to provide for his family, is rightfully described as "worse than an infidel" in 1 Timothy 5:8. That is the bible, not judging. Such a man does not deserve the title of "husband".

2. That love is a choice is not a unique insight to counselors only. Many of us make conscious choices every day to nurture a commitment. But I must add, marriage is not a shield to avoid living up to your responsibility. I doubt you would tell a man to commit to building his wife at personal expense if she were busy cheating. I did not read anywhere in the ops post that her problem with her husband was about emotions. She called out PRACTICAL reasons - doesn't work to support his home, is lazy, never bothers to ask how bills are paid, does not support his wife's ambitions, selfish, unhelpful, ungrateful, can't even be bothered to lead his family in prayer... I'm honestly struggling to connect your advice to anything she said.

You talk about building and repairing the marriage rather than tearing it down. From her words, it was never a marriage from day 1. So what is there to build, repair, or destroy? She is basically living in a roommate situation.