₦airaland Forum

Going by the market trends, marriage/relationship advisers and others profiting from related fields might be going out of business in the coming years. If you are making money from that industry, your days might be numbered, and this is not a threat. This is because people’s disposition towards marriage is changing globally. The United States for example has witnessed a 60% drop in the rate of marriage since the 1970s according to a CNBC report. The numbers also remain disturbing in China, Japan, the United Kingdom and other notable countries across the world. The data from Africa is not reliable, but the continent might be sticking to its guns for cultural and religious reasons, I suppose. At a certain age, a young adult is coerced to get married by his/her parents or the community. The pressure might be subtle and low, but it is sustained.

Marriage appears to be losing its essence gradually. A recent research organised in the United States by Yale Sociologist - Hannah Tessler and colleagues, showed single women were not open to long-term and committed romantic relationships anymore. Only men were interested but sadly, the research did not reveal the motivating factor behind the interest of the male participants. Sexual factors and nothing futuristic or concrete might have driven it.

The fate of marriage’s essence is multi-factorial and it would take another long article to explain it. But basically, marriage is capital-intensive to manage and so emotionally demanding. Additionally, feminism and formal education are the bane of marriage as an institution, but we are not ready for this conversation. Marriage which is seemingly supposed to be peaceful has now become a battleground. It is like a court of law where lawyers argue to determine who is right or wrong. The UK experience appears worse. I know there is a bit of coverage about the weaknesses of Nigerian marriages in the UK, but there are several more people not speaking up out of respect for their marriage, spouses, hope for improvement, stigma/shame, and privacy concerns.

In the past, you needed patience to make your marriage work, today patience is not enough anymore. What is required is now long-suffering. Some men have recommended intentionally playing the fool while allowing your wife to have her way. It is not an easy task to be the ‘happy fool’.
Societal factors in the UK are affecting African marriages. The environment gives women so much power, both financially, in litigation and expression. The thing about power is that it gets easily abused even when the user has good intentions. In no time, one party becomes the oppressor and the other - a victim.

I have spoken with some married men over here and the story seems the same. They are not enjoying their marriage, but they are only enduring it. The bitter truth men have to understand is that you can hardly do enough, and most times you might never get credit for what you do. This doesn’t mean you married the wrong woman. She also often feels she is doing too much, especially juggling between managing the kids and her job. There might be a self-entitlement in there too.

Controversial social media influencer, Andrew Tate, is milking the existing excesses of marital life to propagate perceived misogynistic views. He is promoting what is termed toxic masculinity on social media. He has demystified marriage and his views appear to be spreading faster than the coronavirus virus in early 2020. Most abroad-based men now see marriage as a bondage. They want to nick some benefits off it, but not venture into it. The plan is to derive pleasure from a romantic relationship with a woman, have a child if possible, and maintain access to different creatures in skirts.

The UK boasts of many single women who are remarkably beautiful. Most of them are not as lonely as the public perception paints it. They have active sexual partners but the irony is that these men would never entertain the marriage conversation. Even if the woman stands on her head and exhibits the ‘helicopter Style’, the marriage topic remains banned and forbidden. With celebrities with massive social media influence avoiding the marriage conversation, while others are rushing out of it like a burning building, marriage might become obsolete in the next couple of decades. Considering the current dynamics, there is too much pain for men than real gains.

Despite the economic downturn in Nigeria and the supposed progressive nature of the United Kingdom, the latter is ranked the 2nd most miserable country in the world according to the 2024 Global Mind Project. The country only scored one point below Uzbekistan. For your information, Uzbekistan is a country in central Asia battling with intense threats of terrorism, violent crimes, and civil unrest.

Nigeria on the other hand was ranked 83. This beggars belief because the UK is a top relocation destination for Nigerians. What is Nigeria doing differently? The Nigerian economy is as unstable as a pregnant woman's mood, unemployment is still a major issue. The minimum wage for workers is abysmally below $40 monthly, there is a high cost of living, infrastructural facilities are largely strained and unavailable, and insecurity still reigns supreme, amid other myriad of issues attributable to developing countries.

In the face of the aforementioned stumbling blocks, Nigerians create their happiness. Several factors play a role in the way Nigerians are wired. Religion is quite pivotal. It offers people hope and finds an explanation for the challenges they are facing. Apart from this, the mentality is different. The average Nigerian child is raised like a soldier on the war front where there might be power cuts, inadequate water supply, life-threatening accidents, bad roads, hostile environment, limited economic progress, brazen corruption, and scarcity of essential resources. This gives a warped view of life and thoughtlessly helps us develop thick skins. A former Nigerian bank manager I met in the UK puts this succinctly. He said: "In Nigeria, some of us were traumatized and abused unknowingly from childhood. We grew up to perceive this as a way of life".

To a large extent, the people in the UK appear to have everything. It is a developed country where you can come in as a slave in a boat and leave the country as a legitimate owner of a bigger boat. The UK like every other country has its unique challenges. You have to live here to know. But where the UK ranks on the development chart is like heaven to an average Nigerian. It is their mental image of perfection. The irony here is that the Brits are still largely unhappy.

Can we say Nigerians are genuinely happy? The answer is NO. We only look above our present challenges and practice mindfulness. At the end of the day, happiness is a choice. True happiness is achieved when we learn to appreciate simple things in life. Being healthy is a blessing, and having a nice meal is too. Being alive should be appreciated, the same thing with having a roof over your head or even having a family or friend to relate with. Attaching your happiness to material things especially money is a recipe for disaster. The truth is that the people we admire in the Global North are broke. Take away their credit facilities and social intervention programs for a month and they will be worse than those in the poorest African countries.

I recently bagged an Advanced Diploma in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), in addition to my master's degree in Psychology, and I have realized that Nigerians have been unthinkingly following the principles of therapy to stay strong. Mindfulness, verbal support, and distraction techniques have been deployed graciously by Nigerians in informal and unstructured manners. All these have been very effective.
The Big Brother Naija reality show, football, comedy skits, afrobeat music, social media, and social gatherings keep people going and help break the negative thoughts and feelings cycle. If you are sad for a long time, you might become mentally ill. I have seen people in the UK get admitted into inpatient psychiatric hospitals following the abrupt end of romantic relationships. The story is different in Nigeria; such people go on social media to mock themselves. In the local parlance, they be like: "Omo, I just chop breakfast oh, but we move"
The superstar singer, Burna Boy, emphasized this in his songs by saying: "Last last, everybody go chop breakfast"

As the Central Bank of Nigeria battled to save the Naira in March, the Nigerian youths were locked in social media dramas. There were many bitter altercations among celebrities. Bobrisky - a male crossdresser ridiculously won the award of the Best Dressed Female in Nigeria (Caitlyn Jenner model), the controversial social media commentator, Very Dark Man was arrested by the police. Social media engagements from these events were more entertaining than Netflix. It wasn't just about the news or the woes of the concerned individuals, it was more of people's reactions to them. The juice is always in the comment sections. This is why Nigeria is called a "cruise nation"

Even Nigerians who have 'escaped' abroad still want to reconnect with the social media trends back home to energize themselves. This is like their positive energy source.

As Nigerians pass through the UK, the UK is also passing through Nigerians. Dogmatic people are gradually becoming liberals either consciously or unconsciously. People's perceptions on religion, homosexuality, sex, marriage and other issues are gradually changing. As a social scientist, who is vested in human behaviours, I have observed the changing patterns of the perspectives of Nigerians in the United Kingdom concerning marriage. Recall that the number of married people in England and Wales as at 2021 was 46.9%, dropping from 49.4% in 2011 according to the Office of National Statistics, ONS. Despite the economic hardship in Nigeria, it's 66.2% in 2023 according to the CIA.gov. But in the UK, the anticipated weekends of social gatherings which includes wedding ceremonies as we have in Nigeria, are being replaced with constant 'work shifts.' It appears nothing is happening on weekends abroad unlike in the home-country, Nigeria.

Can we say the idea of marriage is becoming obsolete? The answer is neither here nor there. The African perspective of marriage is cultural, procedural and religious. There is a popular belief that a man's success is not complete if he is unmarried or without kids. He is likened to a snake that crawls on the rock and makes no mark. As for the single woman, she is likened to a queen without a crown. She is like a beautiful asset without an owner. These are highly sexist views anyway and not necessarily true. Then again, religion frowns at premarital sex and promiscuity amongst women could be vehemently condemned in Nigeria. Many would say the purity of a female has a link with the number of men she lays with in bed. 'Body Count' is a deal breaker in Nigeria. One of the major religions in Nigeria - Christianity abhors premarital sex. Marriage is also seen as a blessing. 'The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and receives favour from the Lord' the Bible says in Proverbs 18 vs 22.

Several women also venture into marriage for economic survival. The man is like the warm jacket that shields the woman from the harsh atmospheric conditions. I am also not oblivious of the fact that some Nigerians genuinely fall in love. In my opinion, the percentage of this category of people is low. So basically, most parties have no deep conviction of the membership of the institution of marriage. It is seen as a box to tick. It appears as that regular next phase in life. The resultant effect is why the men mostly go about cheating a few days after their wedding party. And the women also dread paternity tests more than the marauding bandits.

The UK Problem

The social construct about marriage in Nigeria is not valid in the UK. Sex is not mostly seen as immoral as long as you are 16, doing it safely and getting it by consent. The society is deeply irreligious, so nobody frowns at premarital sex. Instead of marriage, people do 'partnerships' in which they enjoy all the dividends of marriage. This might last for 5 years or almost a decade before they ever think of walking down the aisle with their partners. Unlike Nigeria, nobody stigmatises you because you are a single mother. In most cases, the single mother status attracts societal sympathy and support from the government.

When a party is too keen on marriage like we have in Nigeria, it might be erroneously assumed that the person might be seeking travel documents to remain in the country. Romantic intents are hardly seen as genuine. Just like China, marriage in the UK and other western countries come at a significant financial cost. It requires strategic planning. Some men are just comfortable in their studio apartments with their Mercedes Benz vehicles. They feel they are in full control of their lives, managing their living costs within the barest minimum. They are not ready to incur any more financial burden by renting bigger houses, paying extra power & water bills and also the cost of childcare. Childcare is also time-consuming and time in the West is money. Childcare is widely seen as an unpaid work that only those with futuristic views will enjoy and endure.
Importantly, feminism is very strong in the UK. Men have argued that the laws protect the women to the detriment of the men. This issue has a historical undertone which I will not address due to the present length of this article. The women are seen as the recalcitrant customers in the banking system who are always right because they are the sole of the business.

There seems to be an epidemic of lack of submissiveness amongst Nigerian women married in the UK. It is worse amongst married couples who met themselves in the UK. It is as catastrophic as having two expert drivers on the same vehicle steering. The drama could be intense with every man living in fear of being divorced with allegations of physical, emotional and psychological abuse against the estranged wife. Controversial influencer, Andrew Tate in a podcast believes the idea of your ex wife taking over your assets after divorce is a red zone for men. He added that child support as backed by law has also been abused by women.
Men are so complicit in this case. Some Nigerian men are not real men, they are more of 'boys'. The want to use the device between their legs graciously without any sense of responsibility. They are just obsessed with sleeping with numerous women, and the UK has got an abundance of them in different shapes or form. It appears their ego is attached to promiscuity.

African men have a patriarchal idea of marriage. The man is painted as the head of the family and the woman is seen as the supporting backbone. If they are going to lose their say in their houses where they shoulder most of the bills, then what is the essence of marriage? For the record, I have nothing against feminism. I am only uncomfortable with the fact that it is one of the most misunderstood and misused concepts on social media. It is interesting how the activists on social media nit-pick when the tenets of their idea of feminism are being defined. A feminist who believes in equality would have her humongous bride-price paid by a man. She might also abandon her feminist stance when it comes to who pays the largest bill within the household. But when it comes to wielding power and taking strategic decisions in the home, feminism stands.

Coming back to the UK, marriage is not attractive to Nigerians anymore. People only keep multiple women for the purpose of exercising their waists when the pressure is intense, and when abject loneliness kicks in.

The UK is blessed with several beautiful, naturally endowed, intellectually endowed, and successful career women from Nigeria who are single, but no man is ready to offer them a 'permanent contract'. Most men just want to play the role of 'mechanical engineers' tasked with the responsibility of servicing the machine to prevent collapse damage in the foreseeable future.

Long-distance relationships in my view could be likened to being a night crawler in a place like Nigeria. It predisposes you to security risks. If you don’t get mugged by some miscreants, kidnappers might grab you for Christmas, a ritualist in need of a fresh human head or some unscrupulous police officers might take advantage of you. You also stand a good chance of being lynched in the event of a false accusation by an angry mob. So in light of these potential risks, it is advisable to stay safe and stop the late-night parades.

This article will focus on romantic relationships (not marriages) across international boundaries. Below are some of the reasons why the writer frowns at long-distance relationships:

(1) Infidelity:

Long-distance relationships are prone to infidelity and both parties are guilty. Nowadays, women hate to put their eggs in one basket to widen their options. Also, men want to taste different pots of soup. This mentality is strengthened in a long-distance situation.

(2) Too expensive:

A long-distance relationship is unnecessarily costly. Most times, one party becomes a burden to the other. With the economy of Nigeria haplessly bleeding to death like a Christmas chicken, the party abroad will lose his spinal cord carrying the burden of the other.

(3) It could be chaotic:

Due to trust issues associated with lack of physical access to each other, trust issues develop and anxiety escalates. This inevitably leads to regular relationship squabbles and arguments. Subsequently, the relationship might die off with one party, mostly the males losing out.

(4) Acute sexual hunger (Konji):

A long-distance relationship without the equitable distribution of visas is like frying pieces of chicken/turkey while fasting. It intensifies your hunger. I don’t also believe it is honourable for you to touch yourself lol.

(5) Conflicting realities:

This factor arises when a party is in a first-world country while the other is holed up in a third-world country like Nigeria. Views, perspectives, plans, and projections begin to fail to align. This leads to confusion and frustration till the inevitable - a break-up happens.

(6) Loneliness:

Life abroad is lonely and too busy. It seemingly appears nobody cares about you. People associate with each other on a need-led basis. Most times, the ones who check up on you more are the Nigerians back home which will come at a cost at the end of the month (billing). Bachelors/spinsters tend to feel the heat of loneliness the more. Oftentimes, phone conversations are not effective enough.

(7) Vulnerability:

Sexual starvation known by the street lingo as ‘konji’, makes people vulnerable. The feeling is worse abroad where women wear anything in public places. Even if you have toys, it is still not the real thing. In most cases, partners especially the females get taken advantage of by their so-called ‘besties’. Besties are known to hover around their female prey like a hawk stalking the chicks.

( Dashed hopes:

Life abroad is mostly unpredictable. There is a high possibility that things will always not go as planned. It is hard for an immigrant who is on shaky legs to pull someone out of a pit to join him abroad. It is better to deal with a more settled person with papers than someone who survives on you like a bed bug.

Long-distance relationships do succeed, but from my experience, it is like gambling. With concerted and sustained efforts, you can get a high-flying decent person abroad to settle down with. This is far safer than banking on a ‘UAR’ woman exhibiting some hanky-panky with perceived innocence.

As President Tinubu continues the full experimentation of his ‘weight loss programme’ on Nigerians, those abroad are also feeling the heat. In the past couple of months, the practice of begging people for financial favours known by the local parlance as ‘billing’ has increased astronomically. While there are no official statistics to back the level of increase, I have decided to explain how to stay safe amid billing darts flying in the sky like Israeli missiles.

Sit down, grab a bottle of coke and some popcorn, let’s roll!

(1) Controlled usage of social media:

When you are new abroad, the initial fever of taking pictures, making videos, and sharing them on social media hits you. It is a normal feeling but you need to control it. These contents are usually misleading in the sense that they give people the impression that you are ‘balling’. As soon as they become broke, they will put your phone number on speed dial because they believe you now have the financial muscle to shoulder it. The less information they have about your progress, the lesser their faith in you to support them financially.

(2) First Attack:

Attack is the best form of defense, they say. When you sense someone is trying to ask you for money, you could go into protective mode. You do this by either complaining bitterly to the person about your financial challenges or even asking the person directly for help. This is like when you throw a good jab to distort the rhythm of your opponent in boxing. This strategy was in vogue during my first-degree days in O.A.U.

(3) Be Truthful:

Life abroad isn’t easy. Like I always say, “the pictures don’t tell the full story”. Don’t let your family and friends get lost in the beautiful pictures you share on social media about your life outside Nigeria. Fully orientate them about the financial pressure that living abroad entails. This prevents the reasonable ones from over-relying on you.

(4) Personal Information Management:

Learn to keep your big news to yourself. You bought a house, stay quiet; you bought a car, moved house, went on holiday, got promoted, bought designer shoes & clothes - keep them secret. Always control the excitement to share the news with the outside world because, in the real sense, nobody really cares. Remember there is always a price to pay for any information you share about yourself, be it good or bad. China knows this and this is why they are ever gathering information and restricting what people know.

(5) Measured Conversations:

When you are conversing with someone who could potentially ask you for money, even when they are not in actual need of it, it is better to keep the conversation short and structured. This gives the conversation direction and purpose. It also gives you the room to control it, before the other party sneaks in a cheeky demand.

(6) Total Blackout:

When all the above strategies fail, the inevitable is the ‘total blackout’ technique. Some people will never stop making demands regardless of how often you support them. The Total Blackout approach might entail you blocking the regular ‘biller’, deleting their phone numbers, deactivating your social media accounts, or changing your phone numbers.

I know God blesses a cheerful giver. But if you decide to initiate a transfer of money for every ‘touching’ story you hear from Nigeria, your life might end up being the next touching story.

If one of the richest rappers in the world - Jay-Z (worth S2.5 billion) could purportedly rebuff the loan request of his cousin who asked him for S4800, then who are you to attempt to meet all demands?

Written by Osahon George Osayimwen

sonofthunder:
Another shallow post. Very typical of the op

Akaegwu:
Their salaries have been increased to 35k to accommodate corn 🌽 and beans

Literally speaking, when the famous American Political Scientist, Harold Lasswell was defining politics, he seemed to have had Nigeria in mind. According to him, politics refers to who gets what, when, and how. The general elections have come and gone. The spoils of war have been shared and the next couple of years will be the season of windfall for the political victors.

On my list of those who are currently enjoying Nigeria amidst the economic downturn, are predominantly politicians or those affiliated with them directly or indirectly.

My list goes thus:

(1) President Tinubu and family:

When Bishop Matthew Hassan Kukah said the Nigerian President is the 'most powerful' president in the world while speaking at one of the sessions of The Platform, people laughed. He further explained that Nigeria is the only country where the president can do and undo. The entire resources of the country are under his control. He uses these resources to cement his political might and grow it. On this assertion, Tinubu tops my list of those basking in opulence as Nigeria continues to sink low. His family members - specifically his wife, Remi Tiinubu, and son, Seyi Tinubu have also become forces to reckon with.

(2) APC members and other politicians:

If you are an important member of the ruling All Progressives Congress, you can't deny the fact that it is your time. This is why you will hardly hear this set of people complaining about the removal of fuel subsidies, inflation, or the falling value of the Naira. Other politicians from other parties who occupy public positions like lawmakers, governors, and other political appointees are grabbing things here and there while avoiding the prying eyes of the media.

(3) Nollywood actresses:

If you are a 'generous' Nollywood actress with an affiliation with the APC, or one of the ruling elites, then you should be smiling to the bank. Your 'hospitality services' will always be needed with life-changing benefits. This is because the party of easy-money-makers will never be complete without the beautiful women.

(4) Social media influencers/ Brown envelope journalists:

The aforementioned groups are propaganda arms of the political landscape, mostly headquartered on Twitter (X). Their role is inevitable in the face of bad governance. They are always needed to spin stories in favour of questionable public officials. They are trusted opinion leaders & moulders who abuse public trust and insult their intelligence. Also, their services never come cheap!

(5) MC Oluomo and his boys:

Musiliu Akinsanya - the head of the Lagos state branch of the National Union of Road Transport Workers, (NURTW), self-styled MC Oluomo, is one of the loyalists of Tinubu. He has flourished like a plant stationed by the riverside in the last couple of years. When Tinubu won the presidential election, his son - King West bragged that 'they now own Lagos State and Nigeria'. Today, King West's entourage is almost as big as that of the president.

(6) A-list music artistes:

Top music artistes are quietly doing their bits to improve the value of the Naira through the exportation of music abroad, and generating foreign exchange. Artistes like Davido, Wizkid, Burna Boy, Asake, Rema, and a host of others, have been performing at big international events this year and bringing the foreign currencies home. The poor state of the local economy is hardly their problem.

(7) Kidnappers:

Due to the lax security in Nigeria, it has become easier to make money from abductions than owning an oil well. In under a month in the Okota area of Lagos State, for example, hundreds of millions of Naira have been doled out to kidnappers who have been taking popular entrepreneurs in the area hostage. To date, none of them have been brought to book by security operatives. Okota isn't an isolated case as the challenge of kidnapping spreads across all the geopolitical zones in Nigeria.

( Political activists:

There have been numerous protests and counterprotests under the Tinubu administration. Most of them are politically motivated and funded. If you are an activist with a loud voice, can act, pull a crowd, and have an understanding of the 'comrade lingo', you must have been getting lucrative political jobs.

(9) Contractors:

If you are one of the contractors whose names have been penciled down to carry out the 'pseudo-renovation' of presidential residences, the office of the First Lady, buying of the controversial yacht, and the luxury SUVs worth N57.6 billion, and many more, then your head has been anointed with oil. Also remember that road construction projects, bridges, and public buildings would subsequently follow.

(10) Lawyers:

Constitutional lawyers defending or trying to reclaim the mandates of politicians have also been cashing out. Mike Ozekhome, Wole Olanipekun, Rotimi Oguneso, and others have been milking politicians. Most of them have been giving politicians false hope in exchange for good money. No matter how deep the Nigerian economy sinks, their monies are effective floaters that keep them above the water to avoid drowning.

After looking at the '10 Sets Of People Who Shouldn't Travel To The UK' in search of greener pastures, I have decided to flip the card due to popular demand. This time around, I will be looking at those who need to leave Nigeria as soon as possible if they have a chance. Even if it means sailing in the proposed N5 billion presidential yacht of Presidential Bola Tinubu, in the sea of tears of the Nigerian masses fatally hit by the subsidy removal and other anti-people public policies.

Pardon me for the digression. The list is as follows:

(1) Above age 30 and unemployed:

If you are in your 30s and you haven't been able to land a decent job, Nigeria is already happening to you. That is the critical and formative of your life that could determine the direction of your entire life. You need an urgent and strategic decision to change your life around. Relocate immediately!

(2) Healthcare professionals:

There is a huge and lucrative market for healthcare professionals (mostly doctors and nurses) in the UK, US, Canada, Australia, and others. These healthcare professionals make big bucks abroad unlike in Nigeria where some state governors use them as tools of social experiment, on how much hardship a human being can bear in a lifetime.

(3) I.T Professionals:

It is no news that Information Technology is the new oil. The available roles abroad are not only lucrative but the working conditions are comfortable. The hybrid approach is usually adopted and this makes parenthood easier. If you are confident in your abilities, you know your onions and you want to test yourself, leave Nigeria immediately even if it's by black magic.

(4) Low-income earners: N100k and below:

As a family man, if you are making N100,000 per month or below under the 'Emilokan administration' of skyrocketing double-digit inflation of 25.8%, there is fire on the mountain. All you need to do is borrow the legs of Usain Bolt and run till you are out of the country. And that wasn't intended to be funny.

(5) State civil servants:

Have you noticed that the state civil servants are the regular victims of the state governors? They are not just poorly paid, but the payments of their salaries are mostly delayed. Most of them are like victims of Stockholm Syndrome; more like when the kidnapped young girls started falling in love with their Boko Haram abductors. If you are in these shoes, you are better off out of Nigeria.

(6) Full-time netizens:

If you spend an average of 10 hours or more on social media in a day without being an influencer/business personnel trading online, there is a problem. If what you do is troll celebrities and jump on trends, it means you are jobless. You should leave the country before the hair dye no longer hides your grey hair.

(7) Footballers:

Football is big business in the UK and Europe as a whole. It is a life-changing career that could alter the destiny of an entire generation. If you are still young and talented, you should leave and change the story of your family like Victor Osimhen.

( Breakfast victims:

If your self-acclaimed serious relationships have crashed three or more times in the last 12 months, due to your financial inadequacies, you might consider leaving Nigeria to step up. Your pocket needs to be rejigged. It is how the game works, don't blame the player.

(9) Habitual debtors:

One of the major causal factors of indebtedness is lack of money or poverty. , If you are always in debt, it might be that you are not earning enough. Financial mismanagement or gambling are also other factors. Leaving Nigeria where you can earn more in a more superior currency could be a good idea.

(10) Living with parents at 35 and above:

If you are residentially under the banner of your parents after seeing 35 Christmas celebrations in their home, then a major problem is at hand. Under normal circumstances, you should be raising your own little family at that age. Japa could be the antidote to your ailment.

With the recent victory of President Bola Ahmed Tinubu at the Supreme Court, Nigerians need not be told that the next four years will be long. In the same vein, you don't need a prophet or soothsayer to alert you about what is coming. You need to brace up for it and simply hope for the best. As a social scientist, I will be suggesting six core ways of dealing with the 'Storm Jagaban' to ensure the survival of the common men.

(1) JAPA/Relocation:

Over time, I have always emphasized that Nigeria is a country that exists for the rich. The rich tend to get richer at the expense of the poor who they pretend to care about. It is harder to break the cycle of poverty in Nigeria. This is why most religious leaders see it as a 'spiritual problem' caused by 'village people'. For this reason, it is better to leave the country for the oppressors. Who runs away during a fight isn't a coward. He will live to fight another day. Relocating abroad might be the best option for you.

(2) Get close to God:

German philosopher and economist, Karl Max described religion as the 'opium of the masses'. He believes it is what the proletariats (workers) will fall back on for succor when the bourgeoisie (middle class) exploit the system. There might be an element of truth about this, but I believe there is more to religion. Getting closer to God not only unlocks opportunities but also gives one hope during hard times. Hope is needed under this Tinubu administration of hasty trial and error policies.

(3) Learn a skill:

Unusual times require unusual decisions and solutions. I listened to comedian and skitmaker, Mark Angel's recent interview with Teju Babyface. During the interview, he revealed he used to make between $250,000 to $40,000 monthly from producing skits online since 2017 before the industry became too saturated. That is an outstanding testimony if he is telling the truth. Nigerians need to pursue their own unique vision to unlock their fortune. This could be anything legal. This is the best time to take risks and empty the entire sink.

(4) Join APC:

This is a very controversial view but it is not for everyone. To be honest, it sounded comical to my wife who read this piece behind my back. Joining the All Progressives Congress, APC is a considerable survival strategy. If you can't beat them, you might have to join forces with them. Highly controversial Nollywood actress, Tonto Dikeh, who recently joined the APC after criticizing the party massively on social media, appears to be thinking deeply. This is the wrong time to be dogmatic.

(5) Build your mental strength:

Tough times have a way of breaking you down mentally. While your mental health deteriorates, it also affects your physical health and social well-being. You have to stand your ground and consciously use your coping skills to stay strong and well. As a Psychologist, I am a firm believer in the potency of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, CBT. Do simple research online about this and stay healthy. If you are sad/depressed on a lengthy note, the possibility of you developing a mental illness is high.

(6) Become a religious leader/motivational speaker:

In the course of the Great Depression of the 1930s, a special window of opportunities was created for religious leaders, motivational speakers, and the like in the U.S. This is because their line of trade is the propagation of the messages of hope. According to history, the period saw a resurgence of revival-tent preaching in the Midwest and South, as itinerant traveling preachers drove from town to town, living off donations. During that time, the world needed 're-assurance', which is the default setting of every human being during turbulent times. Loosely speaking, Nigeria would need massive 'medical reassurance' if Tinubu keeps toying with the fuel price and the naira in this present manner.

zed7:
This dude is always writing nonsense articles. I don't know his obsession with telling his tales of the UK, like one who never expected to leave Nigeria. Tell your tales to your family and friends who may be interested.

Loneliness In The UK

When I moved to the UK a few years back, the 'relationship market' appeared confusing. Many people presented as available, but at the same time, they were very unavailable. It was the feeling of being lonely in a densely populated space. The single African men were eager to mingle and date foreign women. You can't blame them, the exposure was lacking and they wanted to 'eat' the good of the land. As time passed, fresh immigrants especially from Africa would realize that people from their countries were not in demand. It is very frustrating. It was as bad as being asked to supervise the sharing of popular delicacies while you are fasting. Hunger must have overwhelmed your flesh, but your spirit is holding back and close to being broken. Since Nigerians couldn't get romance for free, they decided to buy it as it is being done back home. The hook-up culture is real, it is everywhere and the only thing that differs is the degree of existence. The UK presented an awkward situation. Even with a sizeable pocket full of pound notes, it was still difficult to find a 'seller'. It was an unusual situation.

Married Nigerian Woman Comes To The Rescue

Back home in Nigeria, a man with cash is like a king. Even the best of the best women would bow down at the feet of a man who displays the smallest evidence of success. Out of frustration, some men recounted stories of their past glory in the relationship market, but their resume was not only obsolete in the United Kingdom, it was irrelevant.

Then on Badoo - (an online dating platform), one unrelenting person found a young married woman in her early thirties who was strangely engaging in hook-up in the city. He approached her and they reached an agreement. They fixed a date and she showed up. Her rates were reportedly reasonable. As it happens, he went about telling everyone who cared to listen that he had found gold and more people started patronizing her. According to rumours, some white young men who wanted to have a feel of the African natural endowments joined the train en masse, taking turns in multiples.

To this day, I still wonder what her motivation was. Like wildfire, her phone number made it to the phonebooks of both the single and married men. She was so dedicated that she was ready to serve them all. Her sex tapes soon started flying around the city until her hubby started smelling a dead rat. She would later crawl back into her shell and not much was ever heard about her again. She allegedly relocated to another city to start a new life.

I kept thinking in my head; why would she be prostituting in a land flowing with milk and honey? You have the right to work, why didn't she just stick to her job and make money? People sleeping with her were not better off. They probably only picked more shifts than her and brought the money from the same job she was avoiding to pay her. Up till this moment, that woman's situation is still an enigma to me.

Contrast Between Her And The Average Briton

The woman's life is in direct contrast to the life of the average British woman. They could give you their all if they fancy you. But money is hardly the motivation based on my personal experience thus far. Even the wealthy men avoided them as they saw them as 'giant killers'. A single allegation could bring down the strongest empire of an accomplished man who just showed laxity for a couple of minutes. The difference between the unfaithful Nigerian woman and the locals is the political system. They are from opposite worlds. The Nigerian woman came from a dark and disadvantaged setting where economic opportunities are so limited that people tend to use what they have to get what they want. The wrong mentality must have prompted her into the adult trade without any due consideration of the fertile soil in the country. In the UK, as long as you are ready to work, you are assured of a comfortable life. If you are diligent in whatever you do, no matter its low level, you can easily afford your major needs and certain wants. You don't need to be special to do well. At least, each venture earns you an average of 100 pounds in a day. That is equivalent to N140,000 before tax.

Although the cost of living in the UK is higher than that of Nigeria, the funds go a long way at a similar rate at the end of the month. These earnings give the earner a sense of independence which would later attract dignity and self-respect. She will not be depending on any man to buy her clothes, shoes, phones, payment of rent, school fees, medical bills, automobile acquisition, and others. She would only say 'yes' to the man she genuinely loves or lusts after.

The Nexus Between Poverty And Prostitution

Several academic papers have directly linked poverty with prostitution. In a research paper published in the UK in May 2023, 74% of women engaged in prostitution linked their decision to economic hardship. This might not be far from the reason why hundreds of young Nigerian women are overtly and covertly engaging in transactional sex to make ends meet. Inflation is battling a double-digit inflation rate of 25.8%, 71 million people are living in extreme poverty, with an alarming unemployment rate that has been politically revised to make the government look good.

In Nigeria, an educated young lady relocates to the commercial capital of Nigeria - Lagos. She is placed on a monthly salary of N200,000 (if she is lucky), her yearly rent might be N500,000, and transportation costs under the President Bola Ahmed Tinubu administration might be around N60,000 monthly. This person needs to feed, wear clothes, and also support family & friends financially. She might be under intense pressure to show her friends that her life is progressive. She shows evidence by using the latest iPhone, clothes, or jewelry, so as to avoid lengthy explanations. All these are uploaded as receipts on her social media accounts.

Gradually, she starts to suffer and smile as he hopes for a breakthrough. She goes to church to pray fervently for economic prosperity. The pastor via his long sermon prompts her to part with more money from her already strained purse. She looks at pictures of her mostly unemployed peers balling on social media. This gives her the feeling that she is losing out. Then enters a wealthy old man with a plan to make the universe work for her. All she needs to do is to sleep with him. Since she isn't a virgin, she complies. After all, that private part has no meter and it has no voice to tell its story.

As promised, things would turn around for her. People start to celebrate and reckon with her but her success story is fake and misleading. She gets tempted to make more money and she jumps into the bed of richer men regardless of the size of their potbellies, their ages, or the amount of grey hairs. At this point, all that matters is the money.

If the economy of Nigeria was buoyant with massive opportunities for all, most women would not spread their legs for financial/economic benefits. This might not eradicate prostitution but it will reduce it to the barest minimum. As the economy of Nigeria worsens, rumours have it that public officials have become top financiers of the sex market. Nollywood actor Charles Inojie recently recounted on the Honestbunch podcast how his politician friends chase him around for the contact number of actresses for hook-ups. According to him, women are ever-willing as long as the price is right.

The JAPA syndrome is like an epidemic and it is very contagious. Over the years, I have seen people who don't need to relocate do it. The grass is not always greener on the other side. Even when it is, the species of grass might choke or purge you if you feed on it. The UK and Canada are facing similar challenges. They have been stretched thin by a high migration rate.

Below is a list of people who don't need to JAPA even if it is for free:

(1) Big earners (N2 million and above):

If your monthly salary is in the range of N2 million and above, it might be in your best interest to stay back in Nigeria, except if you are coming with an employment letter with commensurate pay with your local earnings. As of today, the blue-collar jobs that constitute the saving grace of migrants have become scarce. The white collar jobs have also become harder to get due to the high influx of people to the UK.

(2) Corrupt politicians:

If you are a serious contender and not a pretender in politics in Nigeria, you have no business in the UK. You can travel there for tourism purposes anyway. We all know politics in Nigeria is the most lucrative business around. Despite the cash crunch, the members of the House of Representatives still took delivery of 360 brand new exotic cars costing between N160 - N200 million purportedly. Only an established footballer or a mega music star can live like that in the UK. For a footballer, you have to be constantly banging week in and week out like Erling Haaland of Manchester City.

(3) Popular pastors:

If you have a growing religious ministry as a pastor and your position is putting quality meals on your table either directly or indirectly, you should stay back in Nigeria. Culturally, people in the UK don't give. In fact, it is like a taboo to give out money without a concrete reason. They are largely irreligious and no scripture in the Bible can convince them to do so.

(4) Yahoo Boys:

If you are part of the Easy Money Gang, the UK isn't for you. You are advised to remain in Nigeria where you can play 'catch and release' with highly corrupt law enforcement agents. The UK is arguably the most surveilled country in the world. It is a place where action and consequences strictly go hand in hand. If you get caught doing internet fraud, you will head to jail faster than you made it into the country.

(5) Music Artistes:

If you are making reasonable money from the entertainment industry as a musician, Nigeria is the right place for you. Inasmuch as relocating to the UK might give your public profile a boost, your account balance might compete with a mustard seed in terms of size. If music was easy here, Naira Marley would have remained in Peckham, London where has was a kingpin.

(6) Business Owners:

If you are an employer of labour and you have a decent staff strength, you don't need the UK to better your life. All you need is patience and concerted efforts to expand your network. Your business might grow and become a force to be reckoned with in the league of businesses in Nigeria. On the contrary, if you are struggling to pay a monthly salary of N20,000 or N30,000, people leave Nigeria immediately and stop being a part of the Nigerian problem.

(7) Runs Girls:

If you clandestinely work in the informal 'hospitability and pleasure industry', and the job has earned you a car that is uploadable on social media, continue the 'good work'. There is a saying that 'if it ain't broke, don't fix it'. Making money with the honeypot is extremely difficult in the UK. Men would rather stay faithful to their wives than pay a nominal leg to a lady for just some minutes or pleasure. You will also face competition from other women who passionately give it out for free. You might have to wait for ages for a footballer to come your way before you can experience the Indian Summer.

( Age range: 50 and above:

In my honest opinion, I think relocation suits the youth more compared to the elderly. As an older person, you can only be shielded from economic uncertainties if an unscrupulous politician hides billions of Naira in your bank accounts. If you are in your 50s, life in the UK could frustrate you except you get an executive job. Working your way up as a student, family man, and part-time carer or warehouse staff will be overwhelming for you. I will not be shocked if you wake up one day and decide to run into a moving train or jump out of the window of a high-rise building in a bid to end it all.

(9) Father Abraham:

If you are the father of all nations like Abraham in the Bible, I mean you have many children - the UK might be the wrong destination for you. This is not unconnected to the fact that you would require domestic and family support in catering for them. For domestic support, it is not easily affordable. For family support, it is hard because everyone is busy. A colleague of mine has massive grey hair at such a sound age. I found this very mind-boggling. He recently confided in me that he came to the UK with six biological children of his. Trust me, those hairs will soon start to fall off.

(10) Civil Service Director/Bank Manager:

I will explain this on a personal note. I have met some former Nigerian bank managers hustling in the UK. Their reasons for relocating have never convinced me enough. Most say they did it for the future of their kids, others say it was due to the level of insecurity in Nigeria. In my view, leaving for the UK as a top management staff in the private or public sectors isn't worth it. Your mental health would suffer significantly due to adaptability issues.

On a closing note, before you Japa, get your facts right. Don't do it because people are doing it. What nourishes Emeka's body might incapacitate his brother, Nnamdi. Don't join the long list of attention-seeking Nigerians who hastily relocate and later open the Book of Lamentations on YouTube, just to vent their frustration.

This piece appears controversial but I fancy the backlash. It is an interesting conversation I would like to start and probably learn from the views of others. It is a 'cruise article' and shouldn't be taken too seriously. It has no intention to denigrate any tribe or race.
There is a huge contrast between dating a white lady in the United Kingdom and dating a Nigerian lady. The values are always different. Let's be sincere, it is the deepest wish of most Nigerian men fresh in the UK to drink from the other river. It is called 'jungle fever'. The problem is that most men would never admit it. Dating a white lady has its pros and cons. This piece will focus on some of the merits of it.

They are explained below:

(1) Loving:

Love is not really an African thing considering the attributes of love. Love is supposed to be blind, selfless, fair, and unconditional. In Africa, a man is loved based on what he can offer. While this might apply to some white women, many of them are in bed with men who are either engaged in blue-collar jobs or making next to nothing. Money is hardly a big factor. From experience, white women are more loving and sacrificial compared to their black counterparts. The only problem is finding the one who is ready to love you and not use you for pleasure.

(2) More Straightforward:

White women are more open about their sexual interests compared to their Nigerian counterparts. They don't fake it. If it is genuine love, you will be informed. If it is lust, you will be told from the onset. In fact, she might tell you she has a boyfriend but wouldn't mind giving you some rounds in the ring like a boxer. If it is love, she gives you her all, but if she notices any hanky-panky, you are in soup. Apologies or constant pleas for forgiveness are often seen as emotional blackmail/manipulation.

(3) Benefits:

Before job sponsorship visas became popular in the UK, the pioneers of Japa who settled in London survived on spousal visas. To date, they are not big on the tier 2 visa. They mixed with locals, had kids with them, and secured their stay. Most Nigerian women wouldn't even save your number on WhatsApp if they get the hint that your visa is about to expire.

(4) Exposure:

If you are tired of the norms and values of a Nigerian relationship, and you fancy the culture shock, crossing to the other side of the street is for you. You will be exposed to foreign meals, strange conversations, new behavioural patterns, accents, dressing, social life, and the rest. This will widen your scope of life and make you more liberal.

(5) Cost-effective:

One thing about white ladies is that they don't 'bill'. This is because they live in a society that doesn't encourage such behaviour which is almost traditional in Nigeria. Most times, when a relationship crashes in Nigeria, the hurt is double for men. The heart breaks and the bank account sheds some significant weight too. The woman easily recruits her bestie for the vacant post and moves on.

(6) Sweetness:

Many veterans I have met in the UK believe that foreign wine is sweeter than palm wine. Some have gone as far as giving some biological and physiological explanations to back up their views. It is a hard one, but one thing is clear, those on the other wing are crazier and more exploratory.

(7) Length:

In the 21st century, you must have realized that a burning candle can even last longer than a Nigerian relationship. This is why most Nigerian women never post their partners on social media. This makes it easy to switch on to the next. Relationships with white women are longer. They are more intentional about love. If you live in the UK, you might realize that your 21-year-old colleague has been dating her boyfriend for the past 5 years. Also, they never rush into marriage.

( Fairytale vibe:

If you are the type who loves to show off on social media, an interracial relationship is ideal for you. It is amusing to people and it creates so much buzz. People create viral content out of this and gain massive followers on social media telling their stories. Imagine you and your Oyinbo babe dancing or vibing to the latest video by Davido and posting it on Instagram. It is so unreal and fascinating. This is even different from the joy of birthing Ramsey Nouah, Van Vicker, or Lilian Bach as mixed children.

In the end, it all bores down to taste and individual preferences. Do what works for you. There are many routes to the marketplace. It is advisable for people to stick to their kind for the purpose of understanding and peaceful coexistence.

If issues are treated with the sense of urgency and importance they get in the court of public opinion compared to the conventional court of law, Nigeria might stand a chance of being a better place. The court of public opinion is unorganized and loud. It entails vigilantism and it follows trends. With due respect, opinions here hardly count on legal grounds. Whereas, the court of law which is supposed to uphold the rule of law in situations of distress, has become more vulnerable than a person battling extreme learning disability and autism.

I have followed the untimely demise of singer Mohbad since the drama ensued, and from the beginning, one needs no binoculars to see how it ends, except if the person is a foreigner. The principal actors are Azeez Fashola aka Naira Marley, Samson Erinfolami Balogun popularly known as Sam Larry, and on the periphery, Zinoleesky (Oniyide Azeez).
Below are the reasons why Naira Marley and Sam Larry might go scot-free despite the massive allegations against them:

(1) Nigerian factor:

Nigeria is not the easiest place to pursue justice against an influential figure. This is because certain individuals are stronger than the institutions in the state. This is supposed to be vice versa. Influential people are more connected than you can imagine, and they just find their way around their travails. If Senator Ike Ekweremadu (serving a jail term in the UK for organ trafficking) had erred on Nigerian soil, do you think he would have been convicted? The answer is no. Doesn't it beggar belief that Naira Marley - a proud ambassador of marijuana and a rumoured drug peddler is the face of the National Drug Law Enforcement Agency, NDLEA? Anything is possible as long as Nigeria is concerned.

(2) Politics:

An industry that is booming in Nigeria, especially in Lagos State is the industry of thuggery and hooliganism. This is due to the nature of our politics. Our politics is extremely combative in nature. Our democracy is a decoy to give a resemblance of legitimacy to handpicked public office holders. It is a system where the violent and the crooked win the game by force, without adhering to the rules of the game. So the politicians hire thugs during the general elections and political crises. This accounts for why popular thugs are doing better than doctors, engineers, lawyers, IT personnel, entrepreneurs, and other top professionals. With Sam Larry being reportedly linked with some ruling elites, I see them secretly bailing him out when the current thick smoke subsides.

(3) No Evidence:

Like the singer Burna Boy said; "without evidence, you go explain tire"
Naira Marley and Sam Larry (prime suspect) have bullied, tortured, and victimized Mohbad courtesy of some of the videos available on social media. But on the contrary, none of the videos prove they directly murdered him. People are just driven by emotions which is understandable. One of the major catalysts of the #JusticeForMohbad movement - GistLover Blog claims that the deceased friend named PrimeBoy hit him with a charm during a fight. According to the blogger, PrimeBoy was a turncoat who was a loyalist of Naira Marley and Sam Larry. PrimeBoy has since laid the accusations to rest with a timely video statement. Can you tender black magic in court as evidence? This seems like a story for the gods. The nurse who reportedly injected Mohbad and his friends who took him to the hospital are all closer to jail than the prime suspects.

(4) Cultural factor:

Rumours have it that Naira Marley is peddling drugs. Others say he is a cultist. These allegations constitute the average lifestyle of a typical Nigerian musician. Rapper Olamide in one of his songs called his colleagues 'Science Students', mixing hard/bad substances together and we danced to the song. Nobody paused to think about the reality of the lyrics of the song. Other music artistes also rap about gang violence and drugs. Drugs, alcoholism, promiscuity, internet fraud, gangsterism, and all manners of civil disobedience are the cultural attributes of the Nigerian music industry. The only difference right now is that the monster we created is asking for a human head for dinner.

(5) Our judiciary:

If this case gets to court as expected, I suspect it might drag longer than the arms deal trial of the former NSA, Sambo Dasuki over alleged $2 billion fraud. Is anybody still talking about it? Justice is always delayed in Nigeria, as long as you have the resources to get the best lawyers who exploit the lacunas in the Nigerian judicial system. Over time, people will move on to other issues. Sam Larry might enter into a plea bargain with investigators for bullying and harassment. He could eventually get a slap on the wrist. Naira Marley can also wiggle out of this in some way unscathed. Bribery and corruption can also play a key role in the outcome of this criminal case. If politicians can procure court injunctions, other wealthy people can also replicate that.

(6) The court of public opinion is misleading:

Due to the problems of social conformity, bandwagoning, and groupthink, people tend to abandon their sense of reasoning to follow the popular trend. This is done for the sake of acceptance. Most times, the popular road has proven to be the wrong direction. Remember when a section of the country believed former President Muhammadu Buhari was dead, and replaced by one body-double named Jubril Al Sudani from Sudan? They also believed Buhari's school leaving certificate didn't exist. On the entertainment end, many also believed rapper Ruggedman slept with Toni Payne (the ex-wife of singer 9ice). I can go on and on. These were just mere trends that didn't have the legs to stand the test of time. When a concrete investigative structure is set, all these hearsays and rumours evaporate.

In conclusion, I am not a fan of Naira Marley and I will never be. I apologize if my reader feels I have sounded like one or probably my article is insensitive. I am just trying to play the devil's advocate here and wake people up to smell the coffee. By law, Naira Marley and Sam Larry are deemed innocent until proven guilty by a court of competent jurisdiction.

I believe Naira Marley has seen the worst already. He is scalded for the rest of his life. I assume his musical career is already over. He was a setting sun before now anyway. This ordeal might also blacklist his record label and other business engagements he might also have in the entertainment industry. I think it might require genuine spiritual intervention for Naira Marley to reclaim his spot in the music industry again. He has always 'enjoyed' the Black Sheep identity, but this time around, he will have to 'endure' it. The decision of the court will not alter the public perception of him because Nigerians never had faith in the judiciary.

Finding a meaningful relationship in the United Kingdom is daunting. Most relationships here are highly sexual and short. This could be attributed to several reasons this piece doesn't intend to delve into. Due to the cold weather and the lonely nature of this country, even the most decent people gradually inculcate the habit of dating for the fun of it. As soon as the first squabble happens, pride kicks it, and both parties use the exit doors. But people still find love. I did!

Below are viable channels you could use to find that special person. I will divide them into sub-sections namely: low possibility and high possibility channels. I will also give you the best based on my personal experience and knowledge.

(A) Low possibility channels:

(1) Dating apps: This is the most common place new immigrants go to seek romantic relationships. They go as far as paying for subscriptions in order to access the top features of the apps. To the best of my knowledge, the majority of the people there just want to taste a variety of meals. There will always be resemblances of genuineness, and originality, but it only goes one way which is - south. Being black, being a student, and being new in the system are mostly undesirable characteristics in the UK dating pool. It takes so much commitment and time to meet an unserious person on these apps not to talk of a serious one. This wastes valuable time and a prolonged ugly experience could affect your perception of life.

(2) Workplace:

Work is the oxygen of 98.9% of immigrants in the UK. Most people unconsciously spend 70% of their time at work. Circumstantially, they stand to develop feelings for people they tend to see every day. I call this the 'BBNaija Syndrome'. This is the wrong direction to search for your missing rib. First of all, people gossip a lot in this part of the world. Office romance is a very hot gist and everybody wants a share of the news. This has made women very careful about workplace relationships. Even if it is genuine, people will give it a randy outlook which might affect the progress of the relationship.

(3) Night clubs/pubs:

This is another easy option for newbies. This is also the worst option in my view. This is the den of the kind of people rapper Olamide referred to as "Awon Omo Wobe". Women who make ridiculous allegations against men are headquartered in pubs and nightclubs. They have the capacity to either send you to prison or back to your home country. Meeting decent women here might have worked for some people, but your chances here are as low as Chelsea's chances of winning the English Premier League.

(4) School:

This would have been an ideal place to build romantic relationships, but women are not naturally wired to date people on their level. They only date their peers when the chips are down. African women especially need that person who is in a vantage position to shield them from harsh life realities. Again, the way people disperse after lectures at the postgraduate level needs academic research. It is another low-possibility area for me. Additionally, at the postgraduate level, most of your classmates will be married.

(B) High Possibility Channels:

(1) Social gatherings:

If you are single, don't miss out on social gatherings when available to attend. The UK is too busy, lonely, depressing, and stressful. Local parties like birthday parties, weddings, naming ceremonies, and other forms of get-togethers, constitute safe spaces for immigrants. It gives them a sense of belonging and relaxation. Try and mingle at social gatherings; just wear a bright smile and socialize with people. This is a very effective channel.

(2) African churches:

Some pastors treat their churches like a family. They know their members closely and seek avenues to bring them together. This might not be easily obtainable in a white-dominated church. These pastors also reportedly matchmake people and offer general assistance to members. African women rever religious leaders. If a male janitor asks a lady doctor out outside the church, she might bluntly say no. On the other hand, if her pastor says it is the way to go, she will likely grab him with both hands.

(3) Relationship pages on social media:

This idea is like a diamond in the dirt. There are some fast-growing relationship pages on Instagram namely LDFAfrica, Joro Olumofin, and others who are in the matchmaking business. These pages have huge followings on social media and they give you access to amazing people. You can make a sponsored post and target the ladies in their 30s. Those ones are more mature, mentally stable, and understanding than most of their counterparts in their early 20s.

(4) single mothers:

This is a very unpopular opinion, but the idea is gold. Give the single mothers a chance. A mother of one in her twenties or early thirties is recommended. The majority of them in the UK are apparently not in demand. People only offer them short-term contracts and never extend them. This has affected their self-esteem, thereby strong-arming them into eating any meat that is available. They just go wherever the wind takes them and the traveling experience is ever turbulent. If a young man approaches them with a credible offer, the person would be treated like he just found the cure for HIV/AIDS.

THE BEST OPTION:

(5) Referrals:

Referrals have a success rate of 80% in my opinion. It is like getting a recommendation letter from a reputable person for a job. This is how it works; whenever you meet decent and reasonable people, tell them you are single and need to get married ASAP. They might have someone in their class to introduce to you. Most times, because the reputation of someone of high repute is at stake, both parties work hard to make the relationship work. A friend of mine - a former support worker and student was introduced to a medical doctor in his second month in the UK. The lady had everything but a man. They are happily married with a baby girl today. This is just one of several testimonies recorded through referrals.

When the Asiwaju Bola Ahmed Presidency happened on 29 May 2023, I was worried about how high the Lagos NURTW celebrity boy, Musiliu Akinsanya aka MC Oluomo would fly. Let me emphatically state that I am not his hater nor a fan, nor am I an enemy of progress. I imagined his eagerness to relocate to the seat of power, Abuja from his base in Lagos State. His son, King West, had already bragged on social media that 'they' now own Lagos State and Nigeria together.

I imagined the fate of the Yoruba Nollywood actresses in the hands of MC Oluomo. I felt they would be like motherless day-old chicks within the vicinity of hungry hawks. But interestingly, my imagination has been totally wrong.
The gentleman has kept a very low profile in both state and federal politics since Tinubu emerged as president. In his absence, his boss - Tinubu has been frolicking with yesterday-men to feature in his presidential reality show. There is a regular pattern of news, it is either Tinubu is coming up with controversial economic policies or he is doing photo-ops with individuals of highly questionable characters.

Below are some individuals/events that have affected the image/reputation of Tinubu either by association or by occurrence:

(1) Asari Dokubo meeting:

Tinubu's meeting with the former Niger Delta militant, Asari Dokubo, at the Aso Rock Villa on 16 June 2023, hasn't aged well, due to the conduct, and displayed impetus of the latter since the parley took place. When Tinubu met with Asari and publicised the visit as an achievement, many wondered what was cooking. Asari represents the era of what I regard as the age of 'guerilla politics' and political opportunism. But Tinubu appeared proud of the visit which appears to have backfired today. Asari left Abuja with the effrontery of fanning the embers of tribalism by attacking the Igbos viciously via unguarded social media comments. He called the Igbos slaves, mocked the incarcerated Nnamdi Kanu, labelled the Nigerian military 'oil thieves' and threatened to crush the South-easterners. He has gone further to raise a private army to annihilate the enemies of Tinubu. He also threatened the sitting governor of Rivers State, Siminalayi Fubara, with violence. That's a very daring thing to do. Shockingly, all the security agencies in Nigeria have looked away as he is an ally of the president. Many have been forced to assume that a sacred cow like Asari might be carrying out the specific instructions of Tinubu.

(2) The James Ibori encounter

I think Tinubu was better off meeting with the ex-convict, James Ibori, in the dead of the night like Nicodemus did with Jesus, as reported in the Holy Bible. Tinubu has the freedom of association, nobody is taking that away from him. But a public figure especially the first citizen of a country should consider public perception before making certain decisions. This protects you from sending the wrong messages to the general public. Tinubu didn't just meet with the convicted criminal, he paraded him like an international diplomat. Ibori in turn pledged fealty to him. Nigeria wondered about the agenda of the meeting and the nature of the bond between them. Weeks later, news emerged that a UK court had moved to seize Ibori's property worth £101.5 million. As the news broke, Tinubu's recent picture with Ibori was mostly used as the report cover image by news platforms as a soft jab at the president.

(3) Proposed N8,000 cash transfer

Part of the baggage of former President Buhari's administration in the N5,000 cash transfer scheme aimed at serving as a palliative to the 'poorest of the poor'. The process was so opaque. We don't know the identities of the recipients of this money in Nigeria, geographic location or any tangible database or public register about them. The level of accountability in the operation of social intervention programmes in Nigeria has been zero. Yet, it gulped billions of Naira. As Buhari left, Nigerians breathed a sign of relief that at least that era of 'legal corruption and madness' had ended. But guess what, Tinubu brought back the initiative and increased the money to N8,000. Tinubu targeted the conditional payment of N8,000 monthly each to 12 million poor households for six months. It had to take a massive public backlash for Tinubu to make an embarrassing U-turn by turning to agriculture.

(4) Fuel subsidy removal/floating of Naira:

With the abrupt removal of fuel subsidy, Tinubu has proven to be the proverbial person that bathed himself with petrol knowing fully well about to be set on fire. The Buhari administration attempted to remove fuel subsidy times too. Each time Buhari did, the depth of the rabbit hole was baffling. This prompted the former dictator to always reach a compromise with the labour and trade unions on fuel prices at different attempts.
Tinubu's already low popularity has continued to wane further since the removal of the fuel subsidy, coupled with his decision to float the naira. Both moves have triggered a chronic wave of inflation and high living costs in Nigeria. Even his more die-hard supporters of the 'Agbado family' are not immune to his retrogressive policies. A significant host of them have lost their voices on social media. If measured, Tinubu's popularity will be at an all-time low as he prepares for a showdown with the Nigeria Labour Congress which recently announced a forthcoming nationwide protest.

(5) The Emefiele saga:

Gone are the days when you can score cheap political points by arresting and prosecuting a public office-holder. Buhari overused this during his first tenure. As the economy suffered, Buhari's attention was focused on chasing his political enemies tagged as 'corrupt officials'. Nearly invisible funds were recovered from them and splashed on the pages of newspapers. This never improved the lives of the poor masses. This is why the arrest and detention of the former director of the Central Bank of Nigeria, Godwin Emefiele, by the Department of State Security, DSS, for alleged financial infractions means nothing to Nigerians. Imagine a man who is being widely investigated for alleged gross financial crime being arraigned in court for the purported possession of firearms. On the other hand, Asari and his private militia are working freely with threats to unleash mayhem in Nigeria. Tinubu sure makes good comedy skits!
Even when poor Emefiele was granted bail by the court, the DSS fought the Nigerian Correctional Service (NCS) tooth and nail to keep him in their custody. The DSS would later seek a court injunction to further detain him but lost again.

(6) Nyesom Wike as a ministerial nominee:

The fact that Tinubu offered a ministerial seat to a member of the People's Democratic Party in ex-Governor Nyesom Wike is supposed to be commendable. Tinubu should be seen as an all-inclusive leader. But the nomination further lends credence to widespread rumours about Wike's clandestine political interest in Tinubu, a member of an opposing party. Tinubu performed a political miracle in the 2023 presidential election in Rivers State. He would controversially win the election - in a traditional PDP state with a sitting PDP governor. The results today don't add up mathematically. And Wike, an unrepentant antagonist of the ruling APC makes the ministerial list? Nigerians are not as foolish as Tinubu thinks.

(7) N25,000 low-ball offer to doctors:

There is a huge pressure on Nigerian doctors to leave the shores of Nigeria for better pay and working conditions abroad. Countries like the United Kingdom, Canada, the U.S., Australia, Saudi Arabia and others are hunting for them. 6,221 Nigerian doctors have left for the UK in the past 6 years. Nigeria falls behind the World Health Organization recommendation for the number of doctors to patients - 1:600 (one doctor to 600 patients). As of October 2022, the doctor-patient ratio in Nigeria was 1:9,083. The doctors are languishing in abject poverty in their home country calling for Tinubu's intervention. Then Tinubu intervenes and offers doctors within the federal public service a sum of N25,000 as a "peculiar allowance" to be paid every three months. That's barely £25 for people as big as doctors. What a shame!

In less than three months, Tinubu has made so much impact in Nigeria; in specific terms, not-so-good impact. One wonders what the future holds for Nigerians in the next three years. We can only hope for the best.

Osahon George Osayimwen writes from England.