₦airaland Forum

Marriage is a lifetime commitment. It is a decision that can either make or break you. Therefore, it is important to think carefully before choosing your life partner. You need to look in the right places, and as long as you know where to look, you will face fewer problems in the future. Investigation and due diligence are key. This process is simple, affordable, and can be done by anyone without professional skills or expertise.

Simply check her social media accounts and observe what she does online. Since monetisation programmes began on TikTok, Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter, many young women have started displaying extreme behaviour online without restraint, as long as it brings financial gain. The competition for attention is intense — from discussing real or fabricated sexual experiences and fantasies to performing seductive dances. Online feuds with fictional rivals and shocking falsehoods have become common. Some individuals even sell sexual content to potential partners.

By closely examining the nature of her posts and her interactions in the comment section, you can gain insight into what you may face in the long term. If you happen to gain access to her private messages, that is an added advantage.

A notable example is Queen Nadia of Zimbabwe, who amassed over 2.6 million Facebook followers and over three billion views within two months by posting explicit videos. Many people flocked to her page as though she were offering salvation. Her account was eventually taken down.

If your partner has no social media presence or remains inactive, you may need to discover her true character through other means. Do the work now or face the consequences later in marriage. Remember, prevention is better than cure.

The Nigerian marriage institution is patriarchal in nature. It is a male-dominated system. The man is tagged as the head of the family, while the woman is the backbone. The backbone supports the head, which leads. When former President Muhammadu Buhari was asked about his wife’s involvement in politics, he infamously said she belonged in the “kitchen and the other room (bedroom).” This statement exemplified the misogynistic nature of Nigerian society.

A man in Nigeria is a king, and his family is his empire. Most times, he is accorded great respect if he has the financial means. Sometimes, he cheats on his wife, and she feels helpless. In some cases, she may be physically abused. Since the man mainly takes care of the family’s finances, with the woman contributing little or nothing, it becomes difficult for her to leave. It becomes even harder when children are involved, and their welfare must be considered.

Nigerian society also frowns on divorce. A woman might lose everything if it happens. There is little legal framework to protect her and her children. Returning to her father’s house is seen as shameful. On religious grounds, Christianity forbids divorce. Additionally, divorced women are accorded less respect. Some unscrupulous men see divorced women as desperate or undesirable, labeling them as “second-hand” or “fairly used.” Their chances of remarrying become low, and people become overly judgmental when single mothers are presented as brides.

Considering all these factors, many women stay in marriages and smile like they are doing toothpaste advertisements. They pray for change, listen to relationship advisers, and hope for the best.

When you take a woman in this position to the UK, the situation changes. The labour market is more open to women, and sometimes they even have better opportunities than their husbands. Western marriage systems are seen as partnerships where equality is the norm. The system views women as vulnerable and offers them protection. If a man becomes violent, she can call the police and have him removed. There is a legal framework to compel child support payments. A man can lose his home through legal processes. Women can also access immigration and welfare benefits after divorce. Even then, society rarely judges them negatively; instead, they are often seen as strong women who stood up to oppression. Divorce is normal in this part of the world. In 2023, there were 102,678 divorces granted in England and Wales — about 100,000 marriages ending each year.

This reality motivates women to demand equal power and order in marriage. Some even push further.

Most times, African men still pay most household bills but have little say in home affairs. The king of yesterday loses his authority and power. He is easily challenged in his own palace. Frustration sets in, and he becomes toxic. Life in the UK can be boring and lonely. There is often no one to talk to, as everyone is too busy. Work can be competitive and stressful. The cold weather discourages social life. The man runs on empty emotionally, and his home — which should recharge him — becomes another battleground. His mental health suffers. To avoid doing something he may regret, he walks away from the marriage.

The UK did not break these marriages; it gave women power and leverage, and they exercised them. The system simply exposed fragile arrangements. Any man humble and adaptable enough to accept these new realities can still save his marriage.

I believe that in the next 10 years or more, social media addiction or excessive usage could be listed among mental illnesses, just like gambling was. Most antics on social media today are about rage-bait — people want to attract the most attention from their communities and the public at large. The fact that social media platforms now pay users who generate massive traffic has made things worse. Everybody is now a content creator. Even some of our grandparents are picking up cameras to dance and post for views. The gratification involved encourages the madness we see today. If money is coming in, shamelessness feels justified.

Four people need to take a back seat on social media for a while: Seun Kuti, Kemi Olunloyo, Doris Ogala, and Daddy Freeze. These individuals are influential people, but you can tell they are doing too much. Particularly, Nollywood actress Doris Ogala and Kemi Olunloyo seem to need help. When I see their content, I feel for their family members. It may be entertaining to watch a mentally challenged woman dance in a market if she is not your family member.

Seun Kuti has been talking too much on social media in the name of activism. He ruthlessly comes for everybody in a brash manner. His words are like arrows, and they are sometimes justified. But like most constant talkers, he often goes overboard out of desperation to beat his previous post views. People want to set records and dominate the media space. Seun needlessly referenced the General Overseer of the RCCG, Pastor E.A. Adeboye, and the video went viral. He was applauded as a fearless warrior unafraid of confrontation.

Seun, 43, has also been going after Wizkid FC — a faceless group of fans supporting the popular singer Wizkid. A group that could easily be ignored, but Seun relished the sparring sessions on social media. Indirectly, he was creating content and keeping his name in circulation. That is the aim of most celebrities who leak lewd content to trend online and later deny it. Seun was rubbishing Wizkid, and he knew it. He went too far when he made a video claiming Wizkid didn’t care about Wizkid FC, adding that if Wizkid truly cared, he would have come to their rescue. He even said he would fight dirty if someone who mattered to him was being ridiculed. Meanwhile, Wizkid watched from a distance, probably with long wraps of Indian hemp in both hands.

Then one day, Wizkid decided enough was enough. He came for Seun directly. He hit below the belt by calling him a beggar who wanted a gift from him, like the one he got from Burna Boy. He insulted his wife, calling her 'uguly' and ultimately said he was bigger than Seun’s father, Fela Anikulapo Kuti. I believe Wizkid didn’t truly mean that. He tattooed Fela’s face on his forearm and has always idolised the widely acknowledged founder of Afrobeats. But he needed to hurt Seun, and it worked. The usually shirtless Seun screamed across social media.

Social media users immediately missed the point. They focused on who was greater between Fela and Wizkid. It was no longer about the beef. If Seun had shown maturity, his father’s name would not have been dragged into it. Wizkid’s younger fans know little about Fela. They don’t care about history — the present is what matters to them, and that is where Wizkid lives. The argument will never end. Only older audiences defended Fela meaningfully and factually; the rest were just making noise.

Seun is not Fela’s only son. Femi Kuti is also there — an honourable man who conducts himself well and speaks brilliantly on national issues. If Seun had ignored a faceless group online, mutual respect between him and Wizkid would have been preserved. Seun’s social media activism is even more interesting when you consider that he once slapped a policeman in Lagos and escaped punishment. If he had done that abroad, he would have faced serious consequences behind bars. That is non-negotiable.

I hope Seun learns from this and thinks twice before posting on social media. Nowadays, madness is free — but some people cure madness with madness. You don’t always have to learn the hard way.

The new year celebrations customarily come with all manner of theatrics. Most are meaningless, yet we follow them anyway without asking questions or subjecting them to critical evaluation. These include New Year’s resolutions, presidential speeches, and New Year prophecies. The latter is the most controversial and arguably the most followed.
Year in and year out, many of these prophecies, which are supposed to be messages from God, fail to materialise. With due respect to the personalities involved, they often amount to open-ended rhetoric which is neither here nor there. Some of these clerics resemble public affairs analysts who examine past and present events and then extrapolate future outcomes.

The purveyors of these prophecies have been challenged repeatedly over the years, yet they persist. This trend has resurfaced in the past 96 hours. While the highly respected General Overseer of the Redeemed Christian Church of God (RCCG), Pastor E. A. Adeboye, predicted improved economic conditions in Nigeria, specifically reduced hunger and the return of Nigerians in the diaspora. Father Ejike Mbaka, founder of Adoration Ministries in Enugu, prophesied the exact opposite, warning that conditions would worsen. Other clerics followed suit.

This contradiction has divided public opinion over who, if anyone, is telling the truth. As usual, none has provided evidence that God actually spoke to them, no voice recordings, no written revelations, no multimedia proof. The public is expected to accept these claims by faith alone. Yet God Himself frowns at confusion. As stated in 1 Corinthians 14:33: “For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace, as in all churches of the saints.”

Interestingly, one of the major figures in the prophecy ministry, Primate Elijah Ayodele of the INRI Evangelical Spiritual Church, appeared hesitant to test the waters. He waited until 2 January 2026 before releasing his prophecies. This hesitation is unusual, especially for a controversial religious leader who has endured a turbulent year marked by negative publicity.

Earlier, Nigeria’s Minister of Power, Bayo Adelabu, reportedly petitioned the Department of State Services (DSS), alleging that Ayodele demanded ₦150 million for spiritual backing to support Adelabu’s gubernatorial ambition in Oyo State. According to the petition, Ayodele also requested 24 APC flags and 1,000 saxophones or trumpets for prayers. The least expensive Nigerian-grade instruments were reportedly valued at ₦50 million, while imported grade-one instruments from China were priced at ₦130 million. Adelabu declined, citing the prohibitive cost. Soon after, Ayodele allegedly warned that the minister would fail in his political ambitions.

Primate Ayodele also made predictions about the Super Eagles and their winger, Ademola Lookman, which failed almost immediately, triggering intense backlash on social media. His public image appears bruised, and he may still be nursing the wounds.

To be clear, belief in spirituality is not the issue. Many spiritual experiences are subjective and difficult to explain empirically. However, a significant number of these prophecies appear to be human constructions aimed at attracting attention and securing public validation. At its core, this is a struggle for power and influence. It is also a trap for the vulnerable people seeking explanations for personal hardship and life challenges. Much like a performing artist releasing an album to dominate market share, prophecy becomes a competitive spectacle.

The generational failures of successive African governments have created fertile ground for this vulnerability. Many prayer requests made by citizens concern issues that should fall squarely within the responsibilities of government. In an environment where social amenities function properly, hospitals meet expected standards, unemployment is low, and social safety nets protect the poor, church congregations might dwindle. Prosperity preaching would lose its appeal. This partly explains why a devout Nigerian Christian who attends church regularly at home may choose to work paid Sunday shifts in the UK instead.

Research shows that religion becomes more influential in the face of uncertainty. Numerous sociological and psychological studies demonstrate that religious belief intensifies during periods of hardship, a concept often described as existential security theory. Where life is unpredictable due to poverty, conflict, or weak welfare systems, religious participation tends to increase.

The controversial Ghanaian content creator, “Prophet” Ebo Noah, recently exposed the extent of vulnerability within Black communities through her end-of-the-world hoax. All it takes is the propagation of false messages; potential believers are always available. After all, a South African pastor, Lesego Daniel, once compelled his congregants to eat grass and drink petrol as a religious rite in 2014. Coming home, are you not shocked that the controversial Prophet Odumeje has church members?

There is a direct link between poverty and prostitution among women. Research conducted in the UK reveals that the number of prostitutes increases as levels of hardship escalate. Recent reports from the UK (2024–2025) confirm a rise in “survival sex” due to the cost-of-living crisis. Research submitted to the UK Parliament indicated that roughly 74% of female sex workers cited poverty as their primary motivation. In Nigeria, the National Labour Congress (NLC) reported in late 2025 that the country is facing its most severe survival crisis in history, which historically correlates with a rise in the informal economy, including transactional sex.

For men, sex is about the venue; for women, it is about what comes out of it. A Hot man would have sex and consider the consequences later. For a woman, however, she seeks justification for her actions. Poverty has eaten deeply into the moral fabric of Nigeria, thereby creating a myriad of challenges. Virtually the biggest developments in Nigeria bear the hallmarks of poverty. If the Nollywood star Regina Daniels were rich, Ned Nwoko would have had zero chance of marrying her at such a tender age of 18 or less. If actor Doris Ogala were financially comfortable, as she claimed, Pastor Chris Okafor would not have had his way so seamlessly. Pastor Chris would not have shared her with her husband like affordable student accommodation. Yes, he is handsome and tall, but there are many broke men with those same features who engage in “self-help” in their bathrooms. Money made the difference. The truth must be told.

What about the ex-chorister of Pastor Chris who allegedly birthed his child? Poverty was an important determinant. I am sure that each time Ebere screamed, “Yes, Papa, ride on, Papa,” in church, the congregants did not understand that the feeling ran deeper than the flowery pulpit messages. The proliferation of churches, insecurity crises, political corruption, and indiscriminate “billing” on social media all have roots in poverty. The conflicting “New Year prophecies”—one of the greatest con jobs in Nigeria’s history—have economic connotations. Poverty is a huge catalyst.

Most of the abroad returnees who participate in the annual “Detty December” in Nigeria are as quiet as cats outside the shores of the country. This is because the lower levels of poverty abroad make it harder for them to operate. However, these same men become viciously empowered the moment they set foot in Nigeria. They cause “wetness” wherever they go, without any sign of rainfall or humidity. Each time a randy Nigerian man visited the country from the UK, there was always side talk of him turning a lady over like a pot of hot amala. And guess what? The price is always affordable. It is a common trend. Once you desire it, you are almost certain to get it in abundance.

If the ‘Ibale’ culture of virginity-keeping before marriage, as practised by the Yorubas, were to return today, only 1% of women would get married. This is because many young ladies have been pounded more than Gaza, Palestine, since puberty.

I recently heard the story of a young man who slept with two beautiful women for less than £150. It was a dream come true for him. He had an appointment with one of them, and when they met, he noticed a more beautiful friend of hers. He did not hide his feelings and openly showed interest. The “business-oriented” friend charged him ₦100,000 for a “therapeutic session.” The battleground was opened, and both parties entered a bloodless war. As one friend moaned in enjoyment, the other could not resist. She walked into the room, undressed, and joined the contest. The man paid them ₦100,000 each and spent another ₦50,000 feeding them after the daunting task. It was unbelievable.

The Tinubu administration has exposed young women to harsh economic realities, leaving them with no option but to use their natural endowments to augment their sources of income. The administration’s 2025 policies—such as subsidy removal and high inflation—have led to what experts describe as “survival sex” becoming a primary income source for some families. A 2025 study on Nigerian family resilience found that poverty often forces a “re-evaluation” of morals. Families may overlook or even implicitly encourage transactional sex if it is the only way to provide food and education for siblings.

At face value, transactional sex seems harmless. It appears to be a win-win situation: the woman’s palm is greased while the man is relieved of natural tension. However, acts like this devalue the institution of marriage. They fuel the objectification and commodification of women. Men become discouraged from marriage and instead choose to have children and move on. Research has shown that children raised without strong family values often end up as societal misfits. Studies further indicate that children in households where sex is traded for survival face higher risks of dysfunctional family dynamics, including exposure to substance use or early sexualisation, which can disrupt the development of healthy relationship values. In the long run, this becomes a menace to the Nigerian state.

In 2015, I wrote an article in which I described the ruling party, All Progressives Congress, as the 'same old wine in a new bottle'. In 2021, I also penned down an Independence Day opinion editorial in which I likened Nigeria to a young, beautiful, but highly vulnerable lady who has been taken advantage of by crafty men. Fast forward to 2023, and I predicted that the Tinubu administration would look good on paper but would be hellish in reality. I asserted that Tinubu's strength was not in governance but politics. Bear in mind that I am not blessed with the gift of divination, at least to the best of my knowledge. It's just common sense. The best way to predict the future is by undertaking a vivid analysis of the past. It's 2025 already, and the politicians are regrouping. Their primary goal is to exploit that beautiful lady named 'Nigeria' again. The strategy is simple - rebrand, wear an empathic mask, pretend like you care and over-promise. By the time you know it, her legs will fling open again, and it's goodnight, Irene!

The failures of the Tinubu administration are not new; we all expected it. Nigeria is a highly complicated political terrain. Some of Tinubu's initiatives, like the Fiscal Restructuring, Support for Businesses, Infrastructure Development, Student Loan Scheme, Exchange Rate Unification and others, seem well-intentioned. Every government in Nigeria, except the military regimes, look good on paper. The execution of plans and strategies has always been the major challenge. This might not be far from the fact that these politicians operate like businessmen out to make a profit at all costs. They want to profit unimaginably from any policy or proposed capital project. This parasitic and exploitative mindset cripples the efficacy of developmental initiatives. Nigeria is a well-laid bed heavily infested with bed bugs. Any occupant of that bed space is at risk of invasion.

Politics is very lucrative in Nigeria. The money involved is inconceivable. Today, you are a pauper; tomorrow, you are rich enough to set hard currencies on fire to heat your home. The politicians know this. There is no other more lucrative and viable thing to do. Even some of the biggest businesses in Nigeria are tied to politics, just like we have in China, where the Chinese Communist Party controls everything. The Nigerian political space, like other climes, can't accommodate everybody every 4 years. A set of political actors will be the ruling elites, while another party will constitute the opposing or counter-elites/anti-elites. The ruling elites eat bountifully at the dining table while the opposition watches uncomfortably. The opposing elites then regroup, find a lethal strike force and formation, aimed at displacing the ruling elites from the dining table. The quest for power has led to coalitions amongst political actors/parties to birth the APC, All Democratic Alliance (ADA), and the African Democratic Congress (ADC). This is the foundational factor.

I doubt if any of these politicians honestly care about the poor masses. All of a sudden, you hear conversations like: 'Nigerians are unhappy', 'Nigerians are hungry', 'Nigerians are dying', 'The economy has collapsed', 'They are all corrupt', 'There is no infrastructure' and so on. when most of these recycled elites were in power, the conversations were the same, and they disputed it. Now that they are on the other side in the wilderness, they are chanting the same slogans they discredited.

I am a die-hard realist. I strongly believe no coalition is congregating, expending money, doing long hours of meetings at odd times, and engaging in bitter rivalries with dangerous political actors because they love the masses and want to rescue Nigeria. Anybody who believes this might require psychiatric examination and subsequent inpatient admission on a long-term basis. A few of them might be visionary, but they are outnumbered by lions and hawks who are seeking to plunder and destroy. From historical antecedents, most of them don't believe in the Nigerian project. This is the reason why their children are educated and based abroad. This is the reason why they are easily treated abroad for headaches and physical stress. Most of their business investments are outside Nigeria. To them, Nigeria is just a 'place of work' and not a home. It is their hustle. These leaders have travelled to the developed countries countless times, and they have also lived there. They have experienced good governance in these saner climes. Unfortunately, they are not remotely close to bringing Nigeria close to a similar growth and development.

In my first week in the United Kingdom, I wept in my heart due to the changed atmosphere and working infrastructure. At the Lagos airport, I was being harassed for money by airport officials; the insanity ended as I landed at the Heathrow airport in London. The mentality was different. Everything was orderly and organised. I felt robbed by the Nigerian system. Bear in mind that the average Brit also believes the system here has collapsed, so it's not perfect here.

The level of hopelessness in Nigeria is a direct catalyst for migration. Both the haves and the have-nots blindly left the shores of Nigeria for physical and economic safety. Today, it is the dream of Nigeria to relocate to first-world countries. Countries like the United States, Canada, the UK and others are tightening immigration routes and sifting out immigrants. If Nigeria were good, the majority of the people abroad would stay back. No place in the world beats your home. A university lecturer wouldn't set aside his PhD to become a care worker in the UK, a job the locals detest. They would rather be unemployed than be debased daily by the people they care for.

Regardless of how the coalition's battle against the Tinubu-led administration plays out, the poor masses are the biggest losers. These are poisonous rats in different holes. They regularly regroup to feast on the commonwealth surreptitiously. Their collective and concerted efforts constitute why Nigeria is perpetually retrogressive. Even if the rumoured messiah, Peter Obi, is a competent saint with altruism, he can't do it alone. Look at his team for crying out loud, his Labour Party is in tatters.

Wrestling power from Tinubu will be equivalent to being rescued from kidnappers and handed over to armed robbers. It is a lose-lose situation. The only unanswered question is the scale of the impending loss. I hate to burst the bubble of any believer, but no messiah is coming. It's all a ruse. It is like the happy-ending story you tell a child to make childcare seamless.

GloriousGbola:
The moment he spoke about women being on top during sex I tuned out.

I must admit that this topic has been overstressed. It is possible that I might have nothing new to tell you. But regardless, I will offer fresh insights. Marriage, child development, family life, religion and politics are topics I am very passionate about. I am of the belief that if we get it right at the family phase, we will raise good children who will, in turn, make our society a better place. Due to my background in psychology, I have read hundreds of clinical formulation documents of mental health patients. One common factor mostly stands out - broken homes.

The weather is so cold. Two lonely and bored people of the opposite sex decide to meet up. The sex was so sweet that it caused an eruption of oxytocin in the woman. It felt good like nicotine, and she asked for more. She thought it was love and got carried away till she fell pregnant. Both parties are unaware of the sacrificial and torrid journey of parenthood. When stress and responsibilities kick in, they hurriedly part ways. The child accidentally becomes a burden both parties seek phantom happiness in different directions.

I believe it's harder to keep your family together abroad. The causal factors are multi-factorial and multi-dimensional. I will try to simplify my view and make it relatable. In Nigeria and Africa as a whole, the roles of a man and a woman in marriage are well-defined in an unwritten form. The man makes the money, and the woman manages the home. Even when they both work, the man is in the deep end, while the woman surveys the riverbank. If they are in mainstream work together, they employ domestic staff and bring in family members to fill the vacuum. This is when you have the financial wherewithal, though. In the UK, for example, both parties see themselves as equals. The only task a man can not do in marriage is to breastfeed a baby or menstruate on behalf of the woman. Equality is so emphasised that some women now position themselves on top of me during sex. I have nothing against marriage equality, but I know there are some household chores women are naturally wired to manage effectively.
Women are more comfortable with childcare than men. Women struggle in some physically demanding jobs like construction, working as a warehouse picker, in medium or high secure mental facilities, amongst others.

From my observation, most women struggle to dip their hands into their pockets to sort their bills. On the other hand, a responsible man is a provider by nature. If the principles of division of labour and specialisation are practised, couples can manage tasks which they can perfectly execute.

If your marriage is in crisis in Nigeria, there is better support from your immediate environment. Your neighbours who hear you yelling at your wife would intervene and try to settle the dispute amicably. Religious leaders, parents, friends, colleagues at work and other parties will be scheming to seek a peaceful resolution to the present dispute. Meanwhile, in the UK, there is little or no support. If you loudly quarrel with your wife in an apartment building, the neighbours might never approach you except if they want to caution/warn you. Most times, they might call the police right away in case somebody's life is in danger. The police are not trained to settle marital disputes. They will opt for the safest option of physical separation. They will mandate the man to leave and encourage both parties to press charges against each other if physical abuse or exploitation had taken place. This will leave an indelible mark on the marriage, leading to a possible crash. Furthermore, there are also social benefits and quick visa settlement routes for single mothers, making being a baby-mama very attractive. The single-parent numbers are concerning. 3.2 million lone‑parent families exist in the UK; approximately 85% (2.7 million) are headed by single mothers, while about 477,000 are single‑father households.

Work also weakens the strength of marriages abroad. Couples tend to spend several hours apart. Most women who work long hours in idle settings are vulnerable to having locational feelings for male colleagues. In UK workplaces, there are always credible rumours of staff romance, especially among night shift workers.

Marriage is also expensive. The cost of renting a family house is high. About £800 on average, which is half of the earnings of most people. This does not factor in the cost of feeding, clothing and other bills (council tax, water, power) which cost a fortune. Specifically, a lone parent typically faces the highest cost, around £290,000 up to age 18. Some sources even suggest figures above £400,000, factoring in higher costs like private education and living inflation. The situation is grimmer when weighed against the highly limited economic resources in the UK. This compounds the level of existing frustration in the marriage. The resultant effect is the single-parent debacle.

Most women have come to realise how difficult marriage is. You will hardly see a white woman say "men are scum". They have come to the brutal realisation that at times, nobody is really at fault. It is not just about the players, it's the game. Not everybody can withstand the rigours of marriage. After having a kid(s), these women are not open to trying again. They suddenly become open to explorative sexual experiences with different men.

Recently, I was speaking to a single woman in her 50s. She complained about having a big tummy. I jokingly told her it didn't matter since she was already getting old after having three grown children. She sharply shut me up and reiterated that she wants to remain attractive to get a man to 'oil her machine'. That is the UK factor for you.

I feel the beauty of Nigeria is not well expressed enough in the media. With most Western countries implementing tough immigration policies, it’s time to reflect on what we have back home and appreciate it.

This is a list of some top things to miss about Nigeria when you leave. They go thus:

(1) The food:
In my view, most Western foods are just good for aesthetics. I had always admired them in the vacation pictures of celebrities. After tasting so many cuisines, my perception has changed. Nothing compared to our pounded yam, Egusi soup and bushmeat lol

(2) The women:
The dating market in Nigeria is straightforward. If you have something to offer, you are instantly a major stakeholder with majority market shares. The women are beautiful, physically endowed and accessible. Abroad, the fact that a figure parades some boobs doesn’t make the person a female. Things are so complicated. Someone can even withdraw consent when you are close to climaxing.

(3) The people:
Nigerians are naturally exciting and interesting to converse with. Nigerians easily provide psychological support to themselves. We all have that carefree friend who can talk you out of a bad mood effortlessly. That kind of vibe is scarce amongst foreigners.

(4) The weather:
What could be more depressing than winter or a weather of 2°C? In a way, it slows down the economy and makes people feel lazy. Unlike in summer, the pubs flourish. With the average weather conditions ranging from 25°C to 32°C in Nigeria, the party never stops.

(5) Sabbath Day:
Sundays are usually exciting in Nigeria for Christians. The praise & worship sessions and pseudo-fashion parades are ecstatic. Abroad, Sundays are mostly for managing hangovers for fun-lovers.

[b](6) Marital life:
In Nigeria, a man is the king in his home. He gets away with everything especially when he is well-to-do. Abroad, it’s a woman’s world. Even pets like cats and dogs hold a higher stake than a man. This is one of the reasons why marriages of immigrants easily crumble as some men struggle with the new reality.

(7) Ease of life:
Life appears easier and simpler in Africa. People have been able to achieve work-life balance. Family support also makes life less bumpy. Over here, people almost work till death to pay for any facility they enjoy. Work is so frustrating that over 9.3 million people of the working-age population have chosen to stay unemployed and live on benefits.

( Cost of living:
Except for the ruthless Tinubu regime, the cost of living in Nigeria is generally low. About 70% of earnings in the UK go into paying house rents and accompanying bills. The average rent for a family accommodation, in a low-income city, is about £800. This is a country where barely 15% of the working population earns £50,000 and above annually. We haven’t even factored in the excessive taxes.

(9) Career growth:
When Trump used the term “black jobs”, the immigrants knew exactly what he meant. Most immigrants in the UK are perpetually stuck in dead-end health and social care jobs. The barriers keeping you there appear absent, but you can hardly leave. As we have the issue of tribalism in Nigeria, the ‘higher version’ is also a factor militating against career growth abroad.

(10) The parties:
Despite the current cash crunch in Nigeria, the social gatherings are still colourful, exhilarating and vibrant. Exotic meals still litter the decorated tables, with pieces of meat as big as Wike’s head. It is simply cultural. In the UK, someone will invite you to a party and you will pay for your drinks.

In conclusion, before you tell me to return home to enjoy the provisions, I have already questioned myself. My response lies in the dynamics of ‘giveaways and takeaways’. You can’t have it all.

The first contact most people made with Zimbabwe, in the media, was the late President Robert Mugabe. His political escapades and travails generated so much buzz in the media. The hyper-inflationary trends in the local economy were a point of reference by politicians across Africa. Apart from the political theatrics in the news, I learned an intriguing side of the Southern African country during the ZANU-PF events (main political party) televised on Al Jazeera. The women's wing of the party is so influential and they take the centre stage at public events. During political campaigns, they would shake their derrière stylishly and seductively as they danced to some heavy traditional beats. Those women were majorly massive in size. Their body mass was in contrast with the state of the economy of the country, though. Their backsides were so gigantic that it would seem their hips would fail in giving adequate support to the body. But nature had an inexplicable size of hips designed for them. They looked like giant mushrooms.

As a newbie in England, I came across more people from Zim (as we call them) as time progressed. Most immigrants of colour in the United Kingdom are easily cramped in the health and social care sectors due to structural reasons. The Zims seem to easily dominate several spheres of these sectors. They are mostly more experienced than Nigerians.

Being blunt, I feel Nigerian women are more beautiful and exposed than the Zim women. But when it comes to the body size, you have to give it to the Zim team. I am not trying to exaggerate, but I think their bums could stop a locally-made Rocket Propelled Grenade, RPG. It will certainly swallow up a bullet fired at a close range. They appear to me as the women desired by men who are into hard labour or some heavy-lifting.

Frankly speaking, they are friendly, humble, respectful, relaxed and welcoming. They have so much respect for Nigerian men. They admire the way we talk, carry ourselves and other mannerisms in general. They try to learn the pidgin English to enjoy Nigerian gist and jokes at work and social gatherings. They are attracted to our music too.

The Zims and Indians would share progressive information with you faster than your fellow Nigerians. Nigerians would rather share fake news links and other worthless gossip content on WhatsApp, rather than distribute visa-sponsoring job opportunities. Also, Nigerian women would mostly judge a man by the size of his pocket. Some will not laugh at a poor man’s joke to show you there is no room for loopholes. But the Zim women are different. While most of them wouldn’t give you their hearts, you are granted unlimited access to their bodies. For an immigrant who is being roasted by the chilly weather, their offer is more than enough to keep him going. Additionally, struggling Nigerian men who are yet to find their feet in the UK, easily find solace in the hands of the Zim women.

Interestingly, the majority of the Zim women are single mothers. The pattern is so widespread. Most of them have failed in the pursuit of love and given up. They are at the point where they are notoriously seeking pleasure and happiness. I know of a 35-year-old Zim nurse, a mother of two who is on a pleasure course. She is quite successful, owns her own house and a good car. When bored, she would stuff her handbag with condoms and visit the nearest pub. Any lucky man who is bold enough to make advances at her will get a full experience in her car, all for free.
A former neighbour who dated a Zim lady suddenly started losing weight detrimentally due to ‘endless shifts’ behind closed doors.

Today, the Nigerian-Zim relationship is advancing from a short-term basis to the long-term. As the Twitter influencer, Oluomo of Derby recently pointed out, Nigerian men are beginning to give the Zims permanent contracts. Due to the importance of peace and rest of mind in marriages, the Zims are becoming heavily favoured ahead of their Nigerian counterparts. Nigerian women are like activists in marriage. They act like media figures - VeryDarkMan, Deji Adeyanju and Omoyele Sowore. They are always fighting for something. Their propensity for fomenting trouble needs to be studied by clinical psychologists.

As the Zim women are moving into Nigerian homes in marriage, the Nigerian women are heading to prayer grounds like NSPPD, Shiloh and Hallelujah challenge for spiritual intervention. But the problem isn’t a spiritual one, it is more behavioural in my view.

One day, I decided to ask a friend abroad some pertinent questions. I said: “When last did you pray for journey mercies while travelling by rail? When last did you pray against power cuts? When last did you bind and cast the spirit of poverty? What about the prayers against your ‘village people’? I concluded and waited for a response. He struggled to give me a definite answer. He finally gave up with a smile.
Over time, I have concluded that most of us did things in Africa without any strong personal convictions about our actions. We are mere products of social conformity, groupthink and bandwagon effect.

Actions and inactions were regularly driven by the mentality of ‘Oh since people are doing it, then it should be right’. The challenge with this stance is that when the individual is taken out of the circle, they switch their colours to that of the new environment. This is what a chameleon does.

In my view, this is the major driving factor why Nigerians become less religious as soon as they leave the shores of Nigeria. In Nigeria, the efficacy of prayers (which is good) has been overemphasised. This has been done to the point that people even pray to occupy positions they are not academically qualified for. Someone might fail to prepare for a school examination and expect a miracle to happen. God frowns at magic and cheating.

For years, religious organisations have constantly raised prayer points for the advancement of Nigeria. But the country has been on a steady pattern of constant retrogression. This is what is easily obtainable when prayers go without work. Most Nigerians have grown to erroneously believe the key to personal and societal development is prayer and spiritual warfare. By the time they leave the shores of Nigeria and see their imagination of perfection in an advanced but starkly irreligious society, they let go of their core beliefs gradually and unconsciously. In psychology, it’s called Cognitive Restructuring. In the UK for example, I have seen former Nigerian pastors who pick extra shifts on Sundays due to the extra pay attached to it. Suddenly, the very religious ones no longer attend weekly church services. Evangelism is no longer on their To-Do list. The best they come up with is to repost or share religious messages on WhatsApp or other religious platforms. These people don’t pay tithes or give first fruits anymore. The growth of their finances, despite becoming less religious, has collapsed their belief system. They now believe somebody must have lied to them.
In terms of physical appearance, they are now open to funky hairstyles, earrings, and tattoos. Also, the so-called ‘worldly’ fashion sense has been attractive to them. A couple of them have changed their taste of music, stance on alcohol, smoking and the most controversial one - homosexuality.

The bottom line here is that whenever you find yourself in a working society, your prayer points will reduce. You tend to see life differently in a more realistic way. However, the level of societal advancement in the West is not an indictment on religion, spirituality or the existence of God. It only means we need formidable institutional structures in Africa. When viable structures, we can back up the process of growth and development with spirituality.

Prayers work and spiritual forces exist. This is known to the West knows but they will rather not build their lives around it. They only use these diabolical stories to sell books and movies. They tag them as ‘fiction’.

Nairalander248:
See the year you quoted

Naija Dating:

Dating in Nigeria is pretty much straightforward. If you are having any serious issues dating in Nigeria, your pocket might easily be the root cause of your challenge. Nigerian women will always give you a leeway/soft-landing if you have the financial strength. For example, most women don't find short men desirable, but as long as his bank account makes sense, he is seen as tall. If the woman sees the mere flashes of money in any form, you stand a good chance of being her man. I also understand that a small percentage of Nigerian women might be an aberration to the norm.

On the contrary, the majority of them are the same. Get a good apartment, nice clothes, look clean/good, acquire a nice car, switch up your interpersonal skills, buy a trending mobile phone brand and watch wonders happen. A senior nurse I know in the UK reportedly nailed several Nigerian ladies to the cross courtesy of his exotic Mercedes Benz car. These women erroneously believed he was rich not knowing he acquired the ride via a gradual payment plan known as 'car finance'.

In Nigeria, every man is like a superstar as long as you have a few coins to spare. The dating market is also oversaturated. It is crowded with males of different ages. Youths, bachelors, married men, grannies and all sorts of people are players and the woman is the prize. The men keep dangling different sizes of carrots to attract the women even when she is married. Some women are freelancers offering pleasure services to various establishments. This is why paternity fraud is prevalent in Nigeria.

UK dating:

The UK dating pool is more complicated than the current minimum wage debate in Nigeria. Although money plays a role in this terrain, the kind of money you need to make an impression is huge. You need the funds of a first-class/global entrepreneur or that of an established sportsman like the EPL footballers or Anthony Joshua, to have a massive impact. A Hushpuppi-like figure might also pull the strings. This is because most of the women are very comfortable to a large extent. They are not at the mercy of a physically -staggering leader like Tinubu.

Petty demands like a new phone, car gift, clothes, house rent payment, food, pocket money and others are against the run of play. Such demands are mostly peculiar to ladies who are newly from Africa, the headquarters of 'billing'. If a woman is attracted to you, and admires your profile or oratory skills, she might offer you the forbidden fruit like the biblical snake. The major limitation here is the skin colour and other ethnic considerations. People from other cultural backgrounds hardly mix. They only relate with one another on a professional level at work. There is a significant problem of distrust amongst people over here. While the wealthy men gallivant around in Nigeria, the ones in the UK live in fear of being taken advantage of by a hustling woman. One allegation of sexual abuse could make your seeming opulence evaporate.

The advantage here is that sex could be cheaply offered due to the pressure of the cold weather and loneliness. You might do anything with the body but never own the heart.

If there is any society that is designed to make you feel lonely and at the same time keep you single, it is the United Kingdom. Even if you come in married, you might lose your spouse if care isn’t taken. Over 100,000 marriages crash in a year in the UK, about 44% of marriages will always crash annually. The cost of living also puts so much pressure on you that your workplace might become your salvation. Every other thing takes a secondary position except for very religious people. Mind you, Nigerians mostly become less religious once they cross international borders.

It is not strange for people to get involved in office/workplace romance in the UK since this is where people spend most of their time. But this route could be a very disastrous one. Gist spreads easily in work environments. No lady wants to be the talk of any organisation simply because she spread her legs for a big-mouthed man. Financial demands from people back home could drive anybody insane. It prompts you to pick extra shifts to meet different endless requests. For every extra shift you pick, you have robbed yourself of good moments or any chance of recuperation over the next 12 hours.
The implication of being too busy is that it denies you any full commitment to a serious relationship. You might end up seeking the opposite sex’s attention only when you are Hot. In the UK, there is an abundance of men who desperately want to fill that sexual void. Marriage is never on the table for them, but when it comes to the ‘mid-section’ contests, they are always on top like Manchester City.

So how can the challenge of being single be resolved? The approach below might be of help:

The State of Emergency Approach

If you are a single lady in your 30s in the UK, you must first declare a state of emergency (SOE) in your love life. The security level needs to be raised to the highest point. This entails treating any adult male close to you with utmost priority except if the person is a blood relation. It should be noted that without humility, the SOE can’t get the desired results. That smiling neighbour approaching you to discuss boring issues needs the brightest green light to encourage him to speak up with his full chest. That course-mate assisting with your assignments needs to be ‘grilled’ like a corrupt politician to know his deep desires. I know this is a bit dicey and against my principles, but that colleague sharing food with you at work needs to be handed a starting shirt like Kobbie Mainoo of Manchester United. That shy prayer warrior in church, hovering around you like a drone, needs to be asked if he could ‘pray harder’ behind closed doors. Those random Direct Messages you get after commenting on microblogs on Instagram, Facebook and X need urgent attention. When you meet classy people, jokingly tell them you are single and would like to meet their single friends. Like-minds attract each other.

In a nutshell, every available avenue needs to be explored. People might call it desperation but the end will justify the means. Stop waiting for those in high-end occupation lists like medicine, nursing, tech, engineering, law, accounting and the like to come for you. Wishful thinking and pride amongst Nigerians in the UK have created a large pool of singles who believe they don’t need each other.

Being single in the UK is tantamount to being stranded at sea. Also, the market is wired against immigrants. The Oyinbos will hardly give you a chance because of ethnic considerations. The majority of Nigerians also come in married (both fake, partially original and truly original). The singles market is so microscopic. Most of the partners some people settle for are either stolen or ‘fairly used’ like clothes from charity shops. When the chances of success are low, an all-inclusive approach becomes ideal.

Going by the market trends, marriage/relationship advisers and others profiting from related fields might be going out of business in the coming years. If you are making money from that industry, your days might be numbered, and this is not a threat. This is because people’s disposition towards marriage is changing globally. The United States for example has witnessed a 60% drop in the rate of marriage since the 1970s according to a CNBC report. The numbers also remain disturbing in China, Japan, the United Kingdom and other notable countries across the world. The data from Africa is not reliable, but the continent might be sticking to its guns for cultural and religious reasons, I suppose. At a certain age, a young adult is coerced to get married by his/her parents or the community. The pressure might be subtle and low, but it is sustained.

Marriage appears to be losing its essence gradually. A recent research organised in the United States by Yale Sociologist - Hannah Tessler and colleagues, showed single women were not open to long-term and committed romantic relationships anymore. Only men were interested but sadly, the research did not reveal the motivating factor behind the interest of the male participants. Sexual factors and nothing futuristic or concrete might have driven it.

The fate of marriage’s essence is multi-factorial and it would take another long article to explain it. But basically, marriage is capital-intensive to manage and so emotionally demanding. Additionally, feminism and formal education are the bane of marriage as an institution, but we are not ready for this conversation. Marriage which is seemingly supposed to be peaceful has now become a battleground. It is like a court of law where lawyers argue to determine who is right or wrong. The UK experience appears worse. I know there is a bit of coverage about the weaknesses of Nigerian marriages in the UK, but there are several more people not speaking up out of respect for their marriage, spouses, hope for improvement, stigma/shame, and privacy concerns.

In the past, you needed patience to make your marriage work, today patience is not enough anymore. What is required is now long-suffering. Some men have recommended intentionally playing the fool while allowing your wife to have her way. It is not an easy task to be the ‘happy fool’.
Societal factors in the UK are affecting African marriages. The environment gives women so much power, both financially, in litigation and expression. The thing about power is that it gets easily abused even when the user has good intentions. In no time, one party becomes the oppressor and the other - a victim.

I have spoken with some married men over here and the story seems the same. They are not enjoying their marriage, but they are only enduring it. The bitter truth men have to understand is that you can hardly do enough, and most times you might never get credit for what you do. This doesn’t mean you married the wrong woman. She also often feels she is doing too much, especially juggling between managing the kids and her job. There might be a self-entitlement in there too.

Controversial social media influencer, Andrew Tate, is milking the existing excesses of marital life to propagate perceived misogynistic views. He is promoting what is termed toxic masculinity on social media. He has demystified marriage and his views appear to be spreading faster than the coronavirus virus in early 2020. Most abroad-based men now see marriage as a bondage. They want to nick some benefits off it, but not venture into it. The plan is to derive pleasure from a romantic relationship with a woman, have a child if possible, and maintain access to different creatures in skirts.

The UK boasts of many single women who are remarkably beautiful. Most of them are not as lonely as the public perception paints it. They have active sexual partners but the irony is that these men would never entertain the marriage conversation. Even if the woman stands on her head and exhibits the ‘helicopter Style’, the marriage topic remains banned and forbidden. With celebrities with massive social media influence avoiding the marriage conversation, while others are rushing out of it like a burning building, marriage might become obsolete in the next couple of decades. Considering the current dynamics, there is too much pain for men than real gains.

Despite the economic downturn in Nigeria and the supposed progressive nature of the United Kingdom, the latter is ranked the 2nd most miserable country in the world according to the 2024 Global Mind Project. The country only scored one point below Uzbekistan. For your information, Uzbekistan is a country in central Asia battling with intense threats of terrorism, violent crimes, and civil unrest.

Nigeria on the other hand was ranked 83. This beggars belief because the UK is a top relocation destination for Nigerians. What is Nigeria doing differently? The Nigerian economy is as unstable as a pregnant woman's mood, unemployment is still a major issue. The minimum wage for workers is abysmally below $40 monthly, there is a high cost of living, infrastructural facilities are largely strained and unavailable, and insecurity still reigns supreme, amid other myriad of issues attributable to developing countries.

In the face of the aforementioned stumbling blocks, Nigerians create their happiness. Several factors play a role in the way Nigerians are wired. Religion is quite pivotal. It offers people hope and finds an explanation for the challenges they are facing. Apart from this, the mentality is different. The average Nigerian child is raised like a soldier on the war front where there might be power cuts, inadequate water supply, life-threatening accidents, bad roads, hostile environment, limited economic progress, brazen corruption, and scarcity of essential resources. This gives a warped view of life and thoughtlessly helps us develop thick skins. A former Nigerian bank manager I met in the UK puts this succinctly. He said: "In Nigeria, some of us were traumatized and abused unknowingly from childhood. We grew up to perceive this as a way of life".

To a large extent, the people in the UK appear to have everything. It is a developed country where you can come in as a slave in a boat and leave the country as a legitimate owner of a bigger boat. The UK like every other country has its unique challenges. You have to live here to know. But where the UK ranks on the development chart is like heaven to an average Nigerian. It is their mental image of perfection. The irony here is that the Brits are still largely unhappy.

Can we say Nigerians are genuinely happy? The answer is NO. We only look above our present challenges and practice mindfulness. At the end of the day, happiness is a choice. True happiness is achieved when we learn to appreciate simple things in life. Being healthy is a blessing, and having a nice meal is too. Being alive should be appreciated, the same thing with having a roof over your head or even having a family or friend to relate with. Attaching your happiness to material things especially money is a recipe for disaster. The truth is that the people we admire in the Global North are broke. Take away their credit facilities and social intervention programs for a month and they will be worse than those in the poorest African countries.

I recently bagged an Advanced Diploma in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), in addition to my master's degree in Psychology, and I have realized that Nigerians have been unthinkingly following the principles of therapy to stay strong. Mindfulness, verbal support, and distraction techniques have been deployed graciously by Nigerians in informal and unstructured manners. All these have been very effective.
The Big Brother Naija reality show, football, comedy skits, afrobeat music, social media, and social gatherings keep people going and help break the negative thoughts and feelings cycle. If you are sad for a long time, you might become mentally ill. I have seen people in the UK get admitted into inpatient psychiatric hospitals following the abrupt end of romantic relationships. The story is different in Nigeria; such people go on social media to mock themselves. In the local parlance, they be like: "Omo, I just chop breakfast oh, but we move"
The superstar singer, Burna Boy, emphasized this in his songs by saying: "Last last, everybody go chop breakfast"

As the Central Bank of Nigeria battled to save the Naira in March, the Nigerian youths were locked in social media dramas. There were many bitter altercations among celebrities. Bobrisky - a male crossdresser ridiculously won the award of the Best Dressed Female in Nigeria (Caitlyn Jenner model), the controversial social media commentator, Very Dark Man was arrested by the police. Social media engagements from these events were more entertaining than Netflix. It wasn't just about the news or the woes of the concerned individuals, it was more of people's reactions to them. The juice is always in the comment sections. This is why Nigeria is called a "cruise nation"

Even Nigerians who have 'escaped' abroad still want to reconnect with the social media trends back home to energize themselves. This is like their positive energy source.

As Nigerians pass through the UK, the UK is also passing through Nigerians. Dogmatic people are gradually becoming liberals either consciously or unconsciously. People's perceptions on religion, homosexuality, sex, marriage and other issues are gradually changing. As a social scientist, who is vested in human behaviours, I have observed the changing patterns of the perspectives of Nigerians in the United Kingdom concerning marriage. Recall that the number of married people in England and Wales as at 2021 was 46.9%, dropping from 49.4% in 2011 according to the Office of National Statistics, ONS. Despite the economic hardship in Nigeria, it's 66.2% in 2023 according to the CIA.gov. But in the UK, the anticipated weekends of social gatherings which includes wedding ceremonies as we have in Nigeria, are being replaced with constant 'work shifts.' It appears nothing is happening on weekends abroad unlike in the home-country, Nigeria.

Can we say the idea of marriage is becoming obsolete? The answer is neither here nor there. The African perspective of marriage is cultural, procedural and religious. There is a popular belief that a man's success is not complete if he is unmarried or without kids. He is likened to a snake that crawls on the rock and makes no mark. As for the single woman, she is likened to a queen without a crown. She is like a beautiful asset without an owner. These are highly sexist views anyway and not necessarily true. Then again, religion frowns at premarital sex and promiscuity amongst women could be vehemently condemned in Nigeria. Many would say the purity of a female has a link with the number of men she lays with in bed. 'Body Count' is a deal breaker in Nigeria. One of the major religions in Nigeria - Christianity abhors premarital sex. Marriage is also seen as a blessing. 'The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and receives favour from the Lord' the Bible says in Proverbs 18 vs 22.

Several women also venture into marriage for economic survival. The man is like the warm jacket that shields the woman from the harsh atmospheric conditions. I am also not oblivious of the fact that some Nigerians genuinely fall in love. In my opinion, the percentage of this category of people is low. So basically, most parties have no deep conviction of the membership of the institution of marriage. It is seen as a box to tick. It appears as that regular next phase in life. The resultant effect is why the men mostly go about cheating a few days after their wedding party. And the women also dread paternity tests more than the marauding bandits.

The UK Problem

The social construct about marriage in Nigeria is not valid in the UK. Sex is not mostly seen as immoral as long as you are 16, doing it safely and getting it by consent. The society is deeply irreligious, so nobody frowns at premarital sex. Instead of marriage, people do 'partnerships' in which they enjoy all the dividends of marriage. This might last for 5 years or almost a decade before they ever think of walking down the aisle with their partners. Unlike Nigeria, nobody stigmatises you because you are a single mother. In most cases, the single mother status attracts societal sympathy and support from the government.

When a party is too keen on marriage like we have in Nigeria, it might be erroneously assumed that the person might be seeking travel documents to remain in the country. Romantic intents are hardly seen as genuine. Just like China, marriage in the UK and other western countries come at a significant financial cost. It requires strategic planning. Some men are just comfortable in their studio apartments with their Mercedes Benz vehicles. They feel they are in full control of their lives, managing their living costs within the barest minimum. They are not ready to incur any more financial burden by renting bigger houses, paying extra power & water bills and also the cost of childcare. Childcare is also time-consuming and time in the West is money. Childcare is widely seen as an unpaid work that only those with futuristic views will enjoy and endure.
Importantly, feminism is very strong in the UK. Men have argued that the laws protect the women to the detriment of the men. This issue has a historical undertone which I will not address due to the present length of this article. The women are seen as the recalcitrant customers in the banking system who are always right because they are the sole of the business.

There seems to be an epidemic of lack of submissiveness amongst Nigerian women married in the UK. It is worse amongst married couples who met themselves in the UK. It is as catastrophic as having two expert drivers on the same vehicle steering. The drama could be intense with every man living in fear of being divorced with allegations of physical, emotional and psychological abuse against the estranged wife. Controversial influencer, Andrew Tate in a podcast believes the idea of your ex wife taking over your assets after divorce is a red zone for men. He added that child support as backed by law has also been abused by women.
Men are so complicit in this case. Some Nigerian men are not real men, they are more of 'boys'. The want to use the device between their legs graciously without any sense of responsibility. They are just obsessed with sleeping with numerous women, and the UK has got an abundance of them in different shapes or form. It appears their ego is attached to promiscuity.

African men have a patriarchal idea of marriage. The man is painted as the head of the family and the woman is seen as the supporting backbone. If they are going to lose their say in their houses where they shoulder most of the bills, then what is the essence of marriage? For the record, I have nothing against feminism. I am only uncomfortable with the fact that it is one of the most misunderstood and misused concepts on social media. It is interesting how the activists on social media nit-pick when the tenets of their idea of feminism are being defined. A feminist who believes in equality would have her humongous bride-price paid by a man. She might also abandon her feminist stance when it comes to who pays the largest bill within the household. But when it comes to wielding power and taking strategic decisions in the home, feminism stands.

Coming back to the UK, marriage is not attractive to Nigerians anymore. People only keep multiple women for the purpose of exercising their waists when the pressure is intense, and when abject loneliness kicks in.

The UK is blessed with several beautiful, naturally endowed, intellectually endowed, and successful career women from Nigeria who are single, but no man is ready to offer them a 'permanent contract'. Most men just want to play the role of 'mechanical engineers' tasked with the responsibility of servicing the machine to prevent collapse damage in the foreseeable future.

Long-distance relationships in my view could be likened to being a night crawler in a place like Nigeria. It predisposes you to security risks. If you don’t get mugged by some miscreants, kidnappers might grab you for Christmas, a ritualist in need of a fresh human head or some unscrupulous police officers might take advantage of you. You also stand a good chance of being lynched in the event of a false accusation by an angry mob. So in light of these potential risks, it is advisable to stay safe and stop the late-night parades.

This article will focus on romantic relationships (not marriages) across international boundaries. Below are some of the reasons why the writer frowns at long-distance relationships:

(1) Infidelity:

Long-distance relationships are prone to infidelity and both parties are guilty. Nowadays, women hate to put their eggs in one basket to widen their options. Also, men want to taste different pots of soup. This mentality is strengthened in a long-distance situation.

(2) Too expensive:

A long-distance relationship is unnecessarily costly. Most times, one party becomes a burden to the other. With the economy of Nigeria haplessly bleeding to death like a Christmas chicken, the party abroad will lose his spinal cord carrying the burden of the other.

(3) It could be chaotic:

Due to trust issues associated with lack of physical access to each other, trust issues develop and anxiety escalates. This inevitably leads to regular relationship squabbles and arguments. Subsequently, the relationship might die off with one party, mostly the males losing out.

(4) Acute sexual hunger (Konji):

A long-distance relationship without the equitable distribution of visas is like frying pieces of chicken/turkey while fasting. It intensifies your hunger. I don’t also believe it is honourable for you to touch yourself lol.

(5) Conflicting realities:

This factor arises when a party is in a first-world country while the other is holed up in a third-world country like Nigeria. Views, perspectives, plans, and projections begin to fail to align. This leads to confusion and frustration till the inevitable - a break-up happens.

(6) Loneliness:

Life abroad is lonely and too busy. It seemingly appears nobody cares about you. People associate with each other on a need-led basis. Most times, the ones who check up on you more are the Nigerians back home which will come at a cost at the end of the month (billing). Bachelors/spinsters tend to feel the heat of loneliness the more. Oftentimes, phone conversations are not effective enough.

(7) Vulnerability:

Sexual starvation known by the street lingo as ‘konji’, makes people vulnerable. The feeling is worse abroad where women wear anything in public places. Even if you have toys, it is still not the real thing. In most cases, partners especially the females get taken advantage of by their so-called ‘besties’. Besties are known to hover around their female prey like a hawk stalking the chicks.

( Dashed hopes:

Life abroad is mostly unpredictable. There is a high possibility that things will always not go as planned. It is hard for an immigrant who is on shaky legs to pull someone out of a pit to join him abroad. It is better to deal with a more settled person with papers than someone who survives on you like a bed bug.

Long-distance relationships do succeed, but from my experience, it is like gambling. With concerted and sustained efforts, you can get a high-flying decent person abroad to settle down with. This is far safer than banking on a ‘UAR’ woman exhibiting some hanky-panky with perceived innocence.

As President Tinubu continues the full experimentation of his ‘weight loss programme’ on Nigerians, those abroad are also feeling the heat. In the past couple of months, the practice of begging people for financial favours known by the local parlance as ‘billing’ has increased astronomically. While there are no official statistics to back the level of increase, I have decided to explain how to stay safe amid billing darts flying in the sky like Israeli missiles.

Sit down, grab a bottle of coke and some popcorn, let’s roll!

(1) Controlled usage of social media:

When you are new abroad, the initial fever of taking pictures, making videos, and sharing them on social media hits you. It is a normal feeling but you need to control it. These contents are usually misleading in the sense that they give people the impression that you are ‘balling’. As soon as they become broke, they will put your phone number on speed dial because they believe you now have the financial muscle to shoulder it. The less information they have about your progress, the lesser their faith in you to support them financially.

(2) First Attack:

Attack is the best form of defense, they say. When you sense someone is trying to ask you for money, you could go into protective mode. You do this by either complaining bitterly to the person about your financial challenges or even asking the person directly for help. This is like when you throw a good jab to distort the rhythm of your opponent in boxing. This strategy was in vogue during my first-degree days in O.A.U.

(3) Be Truthful:

Life abroad isn’t easy. Like I always say, “the pictures don’t tell the full story”. Don’t let your family and friends get lost in the beautiful pictures you share on social media about your life outside Nigeria. Fully orientate them about the financial pressure that living abroad entails. This prevents the reasonable ones from over-relying on you.

(4) Personal Information Management:

Learn to keep your big news to yourself. You bought a house, stay quiet; you bought a car, moved house, went on holiday, got promoted, bought designer shoes & clothes - keep them secret. Always control the excitement to share the news with the outside world because, in the real sense, nobody really cares. Remember there is always a price to pay for any information you share about yourself, be it good or bad. China knows this and this is why they are ever gathering information and restricting what people know.

(5) Measured Conversations:

When you are conversing with someone who could potentially ask you for money, even when they are not in actual need of it, it is better to keep the conversation short and structured. This gives the conversation direction and purpose. It also gives you the room to control it, before the other party sneaks in a cheeky demand.

(6) Total Blackout:

When all the above strategies fail, the inevitable is the ‘total blackout’ technique. Some people will never stop making demands regardless of how often you support them. The Total Blackout approach might entail you blocking the regular ‘biller’, deleting their phone numbers, deactivating your social media accounts, or changing your phone numbers.

I know God blesses a cheerful giver. But if you decide to initiate a transfer of money for every ‘touching’ story you hear from Nigeria, your life might end up being the next touching story.

If one of the richest rappers in the world - Jay-Z (worth S2.5 billion) could purportedly rebuff the loan request of his cousin who asked him for S4800, then who are you to attempt to meet all demands?

Written by Osahon George Osayimwen

sonofthunder:
Another shallow post. Very typical of the op

Akaegwu:
Their salaries have been increased to 35k to accommodate corn 🌽 and beans

Literally speaking, when the famous American Political Scientist, Harold Lasswell was defining politics, he seemed to have had Nigeria in mind. According to him, politics refers to who gets what, when, and how. The general elections have come and gone. The spoils of war have been shared and the next couple of years will be the season of windfall for the political victors.

On my list of those who are currently enjoying Nigeria amidst the economic downturn, are predominantly politicians or those affiliated with them directly or indirectly.

My list goes thus:

(1) President Tinubu and family:

When Bishop Matthew Hassan Kukah said the Nigerian President is the 'most powerful' president in the world while speaking at one of the sessions of The Platform, people laughed. He further explained that Nigeria is the only country where the president can do and undo. The entire resources of the country are under his control. He uses these resources to cement his political might and grow it. On this assertion, Tinubu tops my list of those basking in opulence as Nigeria continues to sink low. His family members - specifically his wife, Remi Tiinubu, and son, Seyi Tinubu have also become forces to reckon with.

(2) APC members and other politicians:

If you are an important member of the ruling All Progressives Congress, you can't deny the fact that it is your time. This is why you will hardly hear this set of people complaining about the removal of fuel subsidies, inflation, or the falling value of the Naira. Other politicians from other parties who occupy public positions like lawmakers, governors, and other political appointees are grabbing things here and there while avoiding the prying eyes of the media.

(3) Nollywood actresses:

If you are a 'generous' Nollywood actress with an affiliation with the APC, or one of the ruling elites, then you should be smiling to the bank. Your 'hospitality services' will always be needed with life-changing benefits. This is because the party of easy-money-makers will never be complete without the beautiful women.

(4) Social media influencers/ Brown envelope journalists:

The aforementioned groups are propaganda arms of the political landscape, mostly headquartered on Twitter (X). Their role is inevitable in the face of bad governance. They are always needed to spin stories in favour of questionable public officials. They are trusted opinion leaders & moulders who abuse public trust and insult their intelligence. Also, their services never come cheap!

(5) MC Oluomo and his boys:

Musiliu Akinsanya - the head of the Lagos state branch of the National Union of Road Transport Workers, (NURTW), self-styled MC Oluomo, is one of the loyalists of Tinubu. He has flourished like a plant stationed by the riverside in the last couple of years. When Tinubu won the presidential election, his son - King West bragged that 'they now own Lagos State and Nigeria'. Today, King West's entourage is almost as big as that of the president.

(6) A-list music artistes:

Top music artistes are quietly doing their bits to improve the value of the Naira through the exportation of music abroad, and generating foreign exchange. Artistes like Davido, Wizkid, Burna Boy, Asake, Rema, and a host of others, have been performing at big international events this year and bringing the foreign currencies home. The poor state of the local economy is hardly their problem.

(7) Kidnappers:

Due to the lax security in Nigeria, it has become easier to make money from abductions than owning an oil well. In under a month in the Okota area of Lagos State, for example, hundreds of millions of Naira have been doled out to kidnappers who have been taking popular entrepreneurs in the area hostage. To date, none of them have been brought to book by security operatives. Okota isn't an isolated case as the challenge of kidnapping spreads across all the geopolitical zones in Nigeria.

( Political activists:

There have been numerous protests and counterprotests under the Tinubu administration. Most of them are politically motivated and funded. If you are an activist with a loud voice, can act, pull a crowd, and have an understanding of the 'comrade lingo', you must have been getting lucrative political jobs.

(9) Contractors:

If you are one of the contractors whose names have been penciled down to carry out the 'pseudo-renovation' of presidential residences, the office of the First Lady, buying of the controversial yacht, and the luxury SUVs worth N57.6 billion, and many more, then your head has been anointed with oil. Also remember that road construction projects, bridges, and public buildings would subsequently follow.

(10) Lawyers:

Constitutional lawyers defending or trying to reclaim the mandates of politicians have also been cashing out. Mike Ozekhome, Wole Olanipekun, Rotimi Oguneso, and others have been milking politicians. Most of them have been giving politicians false hope in exchange for good money. No matter how deep the Nigerian economy sinks, their monies are effective floaters that keep them above the water to avoid drowning.

After looking at the '10 Sets Of People Who Shouldn't Travel To The UK' in search of greener pastures, I have decided to flip the card due to popular demand. This time around, I will be looking at those who need to leave Nigeria as soon as possible if they have a chance. Even if it means sailing in the proposed N5 billion presidential yacht of Presidential Bola Tinubu, in the sea of tears of the Nigerian masses fatally hit by the subsidy removal and other anti-people public policies.

Pardon me for the digression. The list is as follows:

(1) Above age 30 and unemployed:

If you are in your 30s and you haven't been able to land a decent job, Nigeria is already happening to you. That is the critical and formative of your life that could determine the direction of your entire life. You need an urgent and strategic decision to change your life around. Relocate immediately!

(2) Healthcare professionals:

There is a huge and lucrative market for healthcare professionals (mostly doctors and nurses) in the UK, US, Canada, Australia, and others. These healthcare professionals make big bucks abroad unlike in Nigeria where some state governors use them as tools of social experiment, on how much hardship a human being can bear in a lifetime.

(3) I.T Professionals:

It is no news that Information Technology is the new oil. The available roles abroad are not only lucrative but the working conditions are comfortable. The hybrid approach is usually adopted and this makes parenthood easier. If you are confident in your abilities, you know your onions and you want to test yourself, leave Nigeria immediately even if it's by black magic.

(4) Low-income earners: N100k and below:

As a family man, if you are making N100,000 per month or below under the 'Emilokan administration' of skyrocketing double-digit inflation of 25.8%, there is fire on the mountain. All you need to do is borrow the legs of Usain Bolt and run till you are out of the country. And that wasn't intended to be funny.

(5) State civil servants:

Have you noticed that the state civil servants are the regular victims of the state governors? They are not just poorly paid, but the payments of their salaries are mostly delayed. Most of them are like victims of Stockholm Syndrome; more like when the kidnapped young girls started falling in love with their Boko Haram abductors. If you are in these shoes, you are better off out of Nigeria.

(6) Full-time netizens:

If you spend an average of 10 hours or more on social media in a day without being an influencer/business personnel trading online, there is a problem. If what you do is troll celebrities and jump on trends, it means you are jobless. You should leave the country before the hair dye no longer hides your grey hair.

(7) Footballers:

Football is big business in the UK and Europe as a whole. It is a life-changing career that could alter the destiny of an entire generation. If you are still young and talented, you should leave and change the story of your family like Victor Osimhen.

( Breakfast victims:

If your self-acclaimed serious relationships have crashed three or more times in the last 12 months, due to your financial inadequacies, you might consider leaving Nigeria to step up. Your pocket needs to be rejigged. It is how the game works, don't blame the player.

(9) Habitual debtors:

One of the major causal factors of indebtedness is lack of money or poverty. , If you are always in debt, it might be that you are not earning enough. Financial mismanagement or gambling are also other factors. Leaving Nigeria where you can earn more in a more superior currency could be a good idea.

(10) Living with parents at 35 and above:

If you are residentially under the banner of your parents after seeing 35 Christmas celebrations in their home, then a major problem is at hand. Under normal circumstances, you should be raising your own little family at that age. Japa could be the antidote to your ailment.