₦airaland Forum

Joyce Okyere started her career as a nurse in Ghana. She is young, fit, beautiful, vibrant and seemingly adventurous.

Like many ambitious young Africans, she dreamed of building a fulfilling career while exploring the world. In search of better economic opportunities and a higher standard of living, she relocated to the United Kingdom, joining the growing number of African healthcare professionals making the same journey.

After completing the required documentation, interviews and examinations, her dream became a reality when she arrived in the UK on 13 October 2023. She later ventured into mental health nursing. It is unclear whether she got married in Ghana or met her husband after relocating to the UK.

Joyce documented her journey on social media, sharing videos of her dance moves, meals, outfits, marriage, hairstyles and other memorable moments of her life abroad. Everything seemed perfect and enviable. Her regular uploads on TikTok attracted nearly 12,000 followers.

However, while Joyce appeared to be living her best life online, she has alleged that serious problems were unfolding behind closed doors. According to her, her husband had been having an affair with a married female colleague from his workplace. She further alleged that the pair became so bold that they met at her matrimonial home. Joyce also claimed they recorded videos of their intimate moments and even shared details of another encounter inside a car.

According to Joyce, she accidentally checked her husband’s mobile phone and was left devastated after discovering romantic messages and videos allegedly exchanged between the pair. The affair had been ongoing for two years while she was busy picking shifts. She later shared screenshots of some of the messages on social media and urged married women to occasionally pay attention to their partners’ phones if they suspect infidelity.

She announced the heartbreaking discovery on her TikTok page with an emotional video, tagging both her husband and the alleged side chick. Alongside the post, she wrote:

“I hope you enjoy your newfound love.”

Following the allegations, both individuals reportedly made their social media accounts private. Meanwhile, Joyce’s post has attracted thousands of views and generated widespread reactions. Interestingly, her husband had left an affectionate comment on one of her TikTok posts less than a week before the allegations surfaced.

Joyce has since revealed that she is still emotionally shaken by the experience and is not yet ready to tell the full story. However, she has promised her followers what she described as a “Netflix-style documentary” detailing everything that allegedly happened.

The allegations have sparked conversations across social media, with many users debating trust, infidelity and privacy in modern marriages, while others continue to await Joyce’s full account of the incident.

In 2011, a 19-year-old was arrested and publicly paraded by the Nigerian police for allegedly dressing as a woman. According to reports, he had stuffed sachets of water inside his clothing to create the appearance of breasts. He was arrested at a bar in the Surulere area of Lagos State on a Sunday.

Witnesses claimed that he sat quietly in the bar, attracting the attention of interested men. However, when one prospective customer approached him, he allegedly discovered that things were not as they appeared. The man raised an alarm, leading to the young person's arrest and subsequent handover to security operatives.

The incident was widely reported at the time, including by Vanguard, one of Nigeria’s leading newspapers, and it generated considerable public interest. Years later, the same individual would rise to national prominence as a social media personality and influencer known as Bobrisky.

For almost 10 years, Idris Okuneye, 34, popularly known as Bobrisky or the “Mummy of Lagos”, dominated the Nigerian media space. What started as a controversial act of cross-dressing soon became a trend that inspired other celebrity cross-dressers such as James Brown, K-Boggie, and others.

Around 2015, controversies, scandals, rumours, and provocative content fuelled the rapid growth of Bobrisky’s social media influence. The Nigerian social media space was gaining momentum, and many personalities wanted to establish strong online voices. Bobrisky was one of them. His sexuality was the subject of constant public debate, and he embodied many of the ingredients required for social media dominance. He was almost always in the eye of the storm - a walking reality show who was exceptionally skilled at dominating online conversations through outrage and controversy.

Bobrisky went from being associated with early online controversies to becoming an established Lagos socialite basking in luxury. He sold unlicensed bleaching creams, adding fuel to the controversies that already surrounded him. Bobrisky’s heavily bleached face often trended across social media. The more people mocked him, the more his popularity grew. He also struggled with written English, something many critics frequently pointed out. Ironically, those posts often provided comic relief for a Nigerian social media audience that thrives on celebrity drama and entertainment.

Bobrisky was hardworking. He worked for everything he achieved and did things his own way. He not only fought his own battles but also publicly supported others. The arrangement was largely symbiotic, as it helped keep his name in the news. On Instagram, Bobrisky amassed between three and five million followers. He made money by promoting fashion brands, musicians, and other businesses. Some customers regularly accused him of failing to deliver paid services, and the drama seemed endless. Those recurring controversies eventually became part of the Bobrisky brand.

Bobrisky flaunted a life of luxury, showcasing exotic cars, foreign trips, wads of cash, lavish birthday parties, influential friends, beautiful houses, designer clothes, expensive hair, jewellery, and other luxury items on social media. He became so influential that he adopted the title “Mummy of Lagos”. He was accepted in many female social circles as he publicly identified as a woman. Bobrisky also repeatedly claimed to have undergone gender-affirming and cosmetic procedures. He became one of Africa’s most recognisable cross-dressing internet celebrities. He frequently teased alleged romantic relationships with influential Nigerian politicians who were rumoured to be financially supporting him. On slow news days, he was the go-to personality for both traditional and mainstream media because he consistently generated traffic.

When the administration of Bola Ahmed Tinubu came into power in 2023, Bobrisky’s troubles appeared to intensify. Whether there was a deliberate campaign against him remains a matter of public speculation. He soon became embroiled in a series of high-profile legal battles, controversies, and arrests.

In April 2024, the EFCC charged him with abusing and mutilating the Nigerian currency, the naira, after he was seen spraying money at a movie premiere - an offence that, many Nigerians argue, is commonly committed during celebrations. He was sentenced to six months in prison and regained his freedom in August 2024. Even behind bars, rumours circulated that he enjoyed special treatment and may have spent much of his sentence in a private facility where he had access to comforts unavailable to ordinary inmates.

Towards the end of 2024, Bobrisky also experienced border arrests and travel restrictions. In October 2024, the Nigeria Immigration Service arrested him at the Seme Border while he attempted to leave the country. He was detained, questioned, and later released. During the same month, he was removed from a London-bound flight in Lagos and questioned by the EFCC.

His repeated encounters with security agencies appeared to have taken a toll on his physical, mental, and emotional well-being. Lagos, the city he once proudly called home, no longer seemed like a safe place for him. He eventually left Nigeria and has since maintained a relatively low profile in Europe. Some reports suggest he is now based in the UK, although no widely known public figure has publicly confirmed meeting him there.

He rarely grabs headlines anymore, and even when he tries, the former “King of Snapchat” struggles to command the attention he once enjoyed.

In the end, life is like a stage, and we are all actors. We each have our roles to play. When our time is over, we walk off the stage. Nobody remains the centre of attention forever.

Bobrisky had his time, and he made the most of it. He built a large following, particularly among many young Nigerians who viewed his online persona primarily as entertainment and content creation rather than anything else.

There is a growing perception that men in the UK tend to avoid serious relationships. This might seem true considering the fact that a large percentage of romantic relationships among immigrants hardly end up in marriage. Well, in other climes, that seems to be the case too. Several adult male immigrants have decided to stay single or enter into a ‘partnership system’ with female partners. Some men go the popular celebrity route by having kids with women and never putting a ring on their fingers. In the UK dating pool, there is a common belief that many men aren’t necessarily looking for commitment; they simply want to enjoy the relationship without making it permanent. The relationship market is rumoured to be so messed up that some men don’t even spare married women. The social construct called the ‘Bro Code’ doesn’t seem to apply here anymore.

Let’s dive deep into some reasons why it appears that men in the UK are not interested in serious relationships.

(1) The Economy


The cost of living in the UK is so high that there is the possibility of you going broke 48 hours after your salary is paid. In some cases, the problem is self-inflicted. Most immigrants are obsessed with looking successful. It is all about optics, aesthetics and trends rather than practicality. The common trap is buying expensive cars and renting accommodation in highbrow areas. Inevitably, a man caught in this web tends to work round the clock, with little or no time to build a meaningful relationship with a woman. Also, a serious relationship is seen as an extra financial burden. To cut costs, he targets a woman seeking a short-term relationship.

(2) Financial Commitments

This is directly related to the first point - the economy. African romantic relationships could be expensive for a man. In some cases, it is like adopting an adult child and assuming full parental responsibilities. Some men drown in paying all the bills while the women use their money on expensive hair, clothes, shoes and holiday trips abroad. It becomes even more intense when children come into the picture. You spend more and also have less time to work. Some men are simply not ready to accept such financial responsibilities. Hence, the delay in their willingness to venture into a serious relationship or get married.

(3) Culture

In Africa, marriage is highly cultural. It is mostly another box to tick when a person attains maturity. The same applies to having children. In many cases, there is no deep personal conviction about marriage or having children; it is simply a matter of following the path taken by our predecessors - our parents and the adults around us.

In the UK, the orientation is different. Some people decide not to get married or have children because they don’t see the need. Others find it stressful and expensive to get married and start a family, so they stay away from it. Some immigrant men who were already fence-sitters on this issue have been indirectly influenced by their current environment.

(4) Relationship Risks

It is no secret that some women in the United Kingdom dominate their men. In fact, some men joke that the only symbol of manhood they have left is what they have between their legs. The man pays a large chunk of the household bills, does household chores, takes care of the children, yet receives little or no appreciation from the woman. Some women have also given their men very limited access to the ‘Strait of Hormuz’. Some men are regularly battered verbally and, in some cases, physically. It gets worse when the woman sponsored your visa to the country. A man’s life could be one false allegation away from being turned upside down. Whether these fears are justified or exaggerated is open to debate, but many men have studied the experiences of others and decided not to take serious relationships lightly.

(5) The Demography Problem

The UK is a white-dominated country where integration isn’t as strong as many expected. Interracial relationships are still relatively limited. Most people are more comfortable with people from their own ethnic groups. The Nigerian dating market is quite small. A large percentage of Nigerians in the UK are already married and not open to serious relationships. Some others are divorced and not interested in another round of relationship-related trauma.

The few who are young and single are either not mature enough or have unrealistic expectations and the social media orientation of ‘following, unfollowing and blocking’ their way through relationships. They also want to explore the world and experience its beauty - something they believe a serious relationship or marriage might hamper.

Risk assessment has become a core aspect of modern life. Reasonable people now weigh the pros and cons before making major decisions. If a decision could cost an arm and a leg without any guaranteed return on investment, it is expected that it becomes less appealing. The uncertainties surrounding romantic relationships might account for why some men in the UK are avoiding serious commitments.

The list isn’t exhaustive. Feel free to add yours, and let’s have a robust conversation.

opera1:
Am doing great here but my wife still insist I must travel out.

There is a common conversation about who needs to relocate from Nigeria in search of better economic opportunities abroad. Some feel it’s necessary, while others believe they don’t need it. It’s an unending debate in which both sides are right, but they don’t know it. There is no definite answer.

Relocating abroad is a personal decision. It is like the heavenly race. Nobody is going to run it for you, and there is no reliance on an external party. You have to sit down, reflect on your life, carry out a personal assessment, and then make a decision. This was the same response an ex-pilot who used to be based in the United States gave me around 2016 in Festac Town, Lagos State. If you feel you don’t need to travel abroad to earn a living or have a better life, you are right. If you feel you need it, you are also right.

There are some people who are more suited to Nigeria. These are the ‘Early Starters’ who probably figured out what they wanted to do with their lives before they graduated from school. Some of them are entrepreneurs with brilliant ideas that they are already actualising. Under this group are also people who hit the ground running after NYSC. They got good jobs and started earning well. This made other milestones in their lives come seamlessly. Their career foundations are so strong that they have become stakeholders in strategic industries in Nigeria. They don’t need any preparation to attend job interviews or unravel cases presented before them. Even if the industry collapses tomorrow, they would still hardly be affected because of their level of expertise. This group might not need to look outside Nigeria for survival. They just need to keep doing what they are doing to keep the ship sailing.

Close to this group are the ‘Land Owners’. This is the old-money gang, the children of the affluent. Those whose parents suffered so that they would not. They have their names attached to properties yielding fat rental income. Why would they leave for a strange land to start all over again?

The Hopefuls: People in this group, as the name suggests, are at the borderline of the economy. Things are not too good, but they are not too bad either. Their pastors or spiritual leaders have assured them repeatedly that fortune will smile on them, and they are waiting. It has been years, and progress has been quite slow. Making any giant stride is a huge struggle. Any member of this group would most likely enjoy life abroad. Taking that plunge could be highly beneficial, as they do not have much to lose.

The last group is the ‘Angry Birds’ or the ‘Wailing Wailers’. Nothing is going well for people in this group. There is no business idea they have not considered. Some have even thought about joining the bandits after hearing about the huge ransom payments being made. People in this group are hoping that the government will one day turn a new leaf and positively change their lives through good policies. These guys see negativity in almost everything. They storm the comment sections of popular social media pages to drop vile comments and contributions. Members of this group should not think twice before travelling abroad, even if it is India or Pakistan.

Over the years, I have met some Nigerians in England and wondered why they are here. Most of them tell me they came because of the insecurity in Nigeria. Others say they did it for the future of their children. Some are filled with regrets, while others are loving the experience. Merely taking a glance at some people, I can tell whether they made the right decision or not.

I have a friend who owns a clothing line and a fabric-branding business in Ibadan. I admire him a lot, and he is doing so well for himself. I was stunned when he told me about his plans to move abroad. He said he hardly makes enough money to save for the future. I told him that this is also a common problem in the UK because of the high cost of living. I pray he gets his wish, but I doubt he would enjoy the experience abroad as much as he expects.

On a final note, if you want that predictable lifestyle of comfort, the UK might be for you. If you want to become as rich as E-Money, you are better off in Nigeria, where you can wake up tomorrow and become a “Minister of the Federal Republic of Nigeria,” as former Rivers State Governor, Rotimi Amaechi, once said on live television.

Social science research commonly finds that women initiate around 68–70% of heterosexual divorces, with some studies reporting figures up to about 75%.

There is a reason why the majority of divorce cases are filed by women. It is, in my view, largely a mentality issue. The moment a house is on fire or begins to smoke, a woman’s instinct is often to look for the exit. She believes there is a better abode somewhere waiting for her. A man, on the other hand, often thinks differently. He believes the grass is hardly greener on the other side. He painstakingly bends his back, gets his hands dirty, and tries to fix the problem. He understands that there is no guarantee of a better place. You have to be cocksure before making such a move.

A woman often moves first. She banks on her beauty, shape, aura, and other qualities that naturally change with time. Her excuse is that her happiness has been hampered and is non-negotiable. Out of ego, she leaves her marriage with her child or children. Meanwhile, she is already in her 30s or 40s. After taking a short relationship break, she hopes to start all over again with a new man.

When she re-enters the relationship market, she is shocked by how much things have changed. The market is now dominated by men she considers “boys.” She finds them childish and gets irritated when they approach her. Those boys hardly chase her either. They treat her like an old footballer with limited club offers. They believe she should accept any terms and conditions without reading them because, in their minds, she has no choice.

The other group of men within her age bracket are already married with children. The few who are available often lack the financial means to take care of a woman. Then there is another category of men who are married, financially comfortable, but not interested in anything serious. The woman does not want her heart to remain vacant. She ditches morality for a moment and considers someone else’s husband. The man tells her he is unhappy in his marriage and that marrying his wife was a mistake. She believes him, not necessarily because it is true, but because it satisfies her conscience.

Gradually, she becomes another problem in another woman’s marriage. She becomes the reason another woman stays awake at night, praying and seeking spiritual intervention. She remains in the illicit affair until the man decides he is done or something catastrophic or unforgivable happens. Heartbroken, she moves on to another man. The outcome remains the same. Eventually, she lowers her standards and considers a younger man. She soon realises that the young lad can only offer pleasure, nothing more than fun and vibes, nothing tangible.

Years go by, yet the woman’s relationship status remains the same. The older she gets, the more her beauty fades and the less bargaining power she believes she has in the relationship market. Some women become notorious and commercialise themselves. They resort to what could be described as corporate prostitution. They leverage social media to build communities of women who pretend to hate men. They make unrealistic demands and spread bitterness, misleading vulnerable women who fail to realise that every life’s journey is different.

One day, a woman in her 50s recounted how she ruined her first marriage. A mixed-race British man had brought her to the UK from Ghana. While in the UK, she made some bad friends who gave her terrible advice. Her marriage collapsed. The next man was even worse. According to her, he was practically building an army of women in Ghana after impregnating her. As time went on, none of the men she met measured up to her first husband. He never came back. She is single today, and I feel the best she can hope for now is an “engineer who will keep servicing her machine.”

Today, within the Nigerian community in the UK, there are several single mothers recklessly spreading their legs. It is no longer about love; it is about survival. You want it? Then come and have it.

This article is in no way intended to demean women or encourage them to remain in unhappy or abusive relationships. Neither does it suggest that a woman cannot find love again after a marriage crashes. The point is simply that the chances become slimmer with time, and many women end up being passed around by men who never intend to commit.

I believe tolerance and perseverance should be exercised before giving up on a marriage. Marriage is not a stroll in the park; it is hard work. On reflection, some divorced women admit they probably should have stayed, put in the work, and tried harder to fix what was broken rather than walking away.

Nothing lasts forever. At some point, the Sony Ericsson K705i phone model was the real deal. Some ladies lost their virginity because of BlackBerry phones; today, the company is almost obsolete. Mercedes-Benz 190 and 230 models were cars driven by my uncle only on Sundays or special occasions back in the 90s. In 2026, they have become relics of history or, in some circles, emblems of poverty. Life is transient.

Similarly, Malaysia was like a Mecca of sorts. Every young Nigerian wanted to be there to obtain a magic wand for success, and for many, it seemed to be working. In 2016, Malaysia's High Commissioner to Nigeria stated that about 13,000 Nigerian students were studying in Malaysia at various educational levels. He also noted that Nigerians constituted one of the largest groups of African students in the country. That number didn't account for workers, entrepreneurs, spouses, or undocumented migrants

Tuition fees in Malaysia were lower than those in Western countries. English was widely used in universities, visa processes were relatively straightforward, and living costs were affordable compared with the UK or US.

After just six months or barely a year in Malaysia, some of these guys would return to Nigeria on holiday with success stories. A friend spent a year there on a student visa and returned with an Infiniti FX35 full option in 2010. Being in that car hit differently. His electronic gadgets were baffling. I rode in the car with him in Ibadan and asked, "How did you achieve this?"

He replied in local parlance, "Baba na God o."

His source of income was unclear. Many said some people were engaged in internet fraud, romance scam operations, money laundering, and drug trafficking, while others claimed they were selling their kidneys. Till this day, the "truth" depends on who you ask.

This particular friend added one of the girls from my secondary school on Facebook. Right from time, she had the kind of figure a man could break the bank for. Many tried to woo her but failed. To my greatest shock, he called to tell me he was spending the night with her at a popular hotel in Osun State. My jaw dropped.

As a poor man, I had too many questions about how this happened seamlessly, but he laughed them off. Stupid questions, I guess.

My friend's case was not an isolated one. Another former secondary schoolmate was also there doing wonders. Every day was like a party. He would drink, go shopping, and share suggestive pictures with foreign women I could only dream of. There was no mention of work or any other source of income. It was as if money was growing on trees. Satu Malaysia!

Some girls prepared for the "Malaysian boys," as they were called, during Christmas. They would come back to Nigeria and unveil new cars, landed properties, businesses, and luxurious designer brands. This was the dream of many Nigerian youths. Even some of the most decent women struggled to turn down their romantic overtures. These boys would take you to high-end places that money had previously denied you access to. The experience was magical. Those experiences gave real meaning and understanding to the songs of American rapper, Rick Ross.

Earlier in the day, you were like a peasant. Then suddenly at night, a well-dressed and attractive waitress was bowing to serve you food and drinks in a tight mini skirt and a cleavage-baring outfit.

In the early 2000s, many Nigerian youths with inexplicable wealth were believed to have links to Malaysia. Nigerian music artistes soon started going there to organise concerts and rake in cash. They also visited their friends and sprinkled the names of successful individuals into their songs. Some of the Malaysian boys started opening record labels and sponsoring young musicians.

Some women could not wait to see the big boys from Malaysia at the end of the year. Some even relocated to Kuala Lumpur to be with them. Rumour had it that a few got involved in prostitution.

The Cookie Crumbles

Around 2015, the Malaysian government was tired of being tagged as one of the "fraud capitals of the world."

In 2013, Malaysian police reported that internet fraud cases had doubled, with losses exceeding US$11 million. Authorities stated that 478 Africans had been apprehended on suspicion of involvement in such scams, and some cases involved Nigerians on student visas. The government started making decisive changes. Malaysian authorities increased scrutiny of Nigerians applying for student, work, and long-term visas.

The activities of some foreigners involved in crime and the spending of illicit wealth had created a negative image. The local police were reportedly taking bribes almost as readily as their Nigerian counterparts. Cybercrime became heavily associated with Kuala Lumpur. Other urban crimes were also reportedly on the rise.

Arrests and prosecutions of erring Nigerians began on a large scale. During the crackdowns, some Nigerians reportedly lost their lives after jumping from high-rise buildings while attempting to evade arrest. The government plugged some of the loopholes that encouraged and facilitated internet fraud.

The smoke was becoming choking, and people started leaving.

Some returned to Nigeria, while others moved to South Africa, Cyprus, and Dubai. A significant number allegedly moved to the United States, Canada, Australia, the United Kingdom, and other European countries to start new lives with their families.

Today, nobody talks much about the Southeast Asian country anymore. The gist of healthcare jobs in the United Kingdom, Canadian permanent residency, and various tech opportunities across the world has taken over.

Did you ever meet a Nigerian who lived in Malaysia?

Share your experience in the comment section.

When many Nigerians obtain visas to the UK or any other country, one of the first things they do is sever ties with their love interests back in Nigeria. They believe they will meet better versions of them abroad. That is often where it all goes wrong. The UK dating market can be ruthless, egocentric and driven by survival instincts. It is like being trapped in a desert where everyone is scrambling to make the best use of limited resources just to survive, stay alive and eventually find their way home.

The cost of living in the UK is high. The bills keep coming every month like a woman's menstrual cycle. As an immigrant, it is difficult to pay all your bills from the income of one job, so many people end up taking a second job just to make ends meet.

Everybody is busy chasing money and hardly has time to socialise. This makes life lonely for many people. Outside of work, it is difficult to get your friend's full attention. Sometimes, the best place to have a meaningful conversation with someone is at work. They are not talking to you because they necessarily like you. They are talking because they have no choice. They are stuck with you for a lengthy period, typically nine to twelve hours.

Just as many men are working hard, many women are doing the same. There is hardly any time to bond with others and build strong relationships. Many friendships are location-based. The moment you leave that environment, the friendship gradually fades away like over-washed Adire clothing.

Many women complain that they want more time and intimacy with their husbands. They lament the lack of affection behind closed doors. After working 60 to 70 hours a week under physically and emotionally demanding conditions, what can a 40-year-old man realistically do in bed? Just the basics. He scratches the surface, and the woman remains unsatisfied. Most times, she might not voice her feelings.

In the UK today, it is not uncommon to hear stories of married men and women being unfaithful. Some men do it openly, while some women describe it as a mistake brought about by neglect from their husbands. Some marriages have effectively collapsed because of disagreements over how household bills should be shared. The woman has closed the "Strait of Hormuz" in protest, like Iran, while the man seeks intimacy from work colleagues or, occasionally, social media acquaintances who are also trying to survive.

A woman in her thirties once sought my advice about starting a new relationship after suffering heartbreak. A man whose only interest was marrying a UK passport holder had deceived her. To cope with the emotional pain, she began taking extra shifts and working throughout the week.

I told her that where she invests her time will largely determine the outcome she gets at the end of the month. If she expands her social network and spends quality time meeting people, a suitable partner may come along. However, if she spends the entire month working, there may be money in her account, but there may be no man in her life, unless, of course, her crush happens to work with her. This is not rocket science.

Additionally, many men and women in the UK approach relationships with suspicion. It is like a never-ending game of Tom and Jerry. Some men believe many women are difficult and may not be submissive or peaceful in marriage. Likewise, some women believe many men are irresponsible or unfaithful.

Yet both parties still crave companionship and intimacy, and since "self-help" does not completely replace human connection, many people settle for casual relationships without genuine commitment. The consequence is that someone who once considered herself decent may gradually become caught in a cycle of short-term relationships. She moves from one relationship to another until she begins to worry about approaching the age of 40. In some cases, she tries to have a child with a man who has no intention of committing, leaving her to raise the child alone. That can become double trouble.

I know a seemingly decent and innocent young woman who has been romantically linked with four or five people within the same workplace. I am sure she never planned it. This is neither a crime nor a scandal, but we live in a highly judgmental society. Today, it has limited her chances of getting married. While everyone has the right to make their own choices, many people still consider a person's dating history when deciding whether to commit to a long-term relationship.

You cannot hate the players. You have to understand the system they have found themselves in. The way out may be to look beyond your immediate environment. A product that is not in demand in Ibadan may sell out in Abuja. Sometimes, it is simply a matter of location.

Perhaps the answer is to return to your roots. That former partner whom relocation separated you from may still be worth another conversation. The truth is that many Nigerians in the diaspora are highly valued by those back home, yet many people living abroad often overlook one another.

So, go on WhatsApp, Facebook, Instagram or TikTok and reconnect with that person you left behind or overlooked when your visa was approved. Reply to that message. Send them a message. Like their posts. Comment on them. Start a conversation and hope for the best.

This is an approach that many people have quietly explored, and by many accounts, it has produced positive results. Does it guarantee a happy marriage? That is a completely different ball game.

The story of the Nigerian guy, Qudus Ajeyemi (aka “Spartan”), who was jailed for over 5 years in the United Kingdom, reminded me of something that happened to me during my early days in the UK in 2022.

A few months after I arrived, my workplace organised a team bonding session at a bar in the city. I was actually excited because I felt it would help with integration. I dressed up nicely, and a Pakistani female colleague gave me a lift to the venue. That journey alone had its own drama, but that’s a story for another day. Let’s just say I learned a lesson about speaking carelessly.

Anyway, the event itself started on a cool note: snacks, soft drinks, and small talk. It was interesting seeing colleagues in a different light. People who normally hardly talked at work suddenly became very friendly. Some who were usually well-covered showed up in more relaxed summer outfits.

We played games, did karaoke, and generally had a good time. Then one of our Oyinbo colleagues came in already tipsy, holding a drink and sipping it steadily. Everything was funny to her; whether you said something or not, she would just laugh. At some point, she was even staggering, so we knew she had taken too much. We tried to advise her to slow down, but she didn’t really listen. Personally, I don’t drink. I’ve tried alcohol before, but it’s not for me. I still believe it’s too bitter. I prefer sweets, chocolates, milkshakes, and fizzy drinks. So my head was very clear throughout that night.


Things then took a very surprising turn.

The lady started pulling some of the Nigerian guys aside to talk to them privately. What she was asking for shocked everyone. She openly told one of my friends who is married with two kids that she wanted to have sex with him right there. She even gave him her number and told him they could go anywhere; his place, her place, or another location. To prove she wasn’t joking, she made a very bold offer on the spot. She wanted to 'test the microphone.'

My friend was tempted; after all, he had never been with an Oyinbo before. But he knew the situation wasn’t right.

When he came to tell me, I honestly didn’t even know what advice to give him. At that time, I was single, so I was looking at it from a different angle. I quietly stayed close by, hoping maybe luck would shine on me too. In my mind, I was like, “If I get there, I will cross that bridge.” But nothing came my way. Instead, she moved around to other Nigerian guys, making similar offers. Before we knew it, the news had spread, and we had an emergency “meeting.” The conclusion was simple: nobody should get involved.

We remembered several stories online involving consent issues, accusations, and legal trouble. Everyone became careful. The truth is, many of the men wanted the experience, but they also understood the danger. Nobody wanted to risk their future over a few minutes of enjoyment. At one point, she sat in front of me and kept flirting with a married colleague. I even saw her hand on a grey area on his trousers while they were whispering. But even he couldn’t go further.

Eventually, she got frustrated, made some calls, and left. The event ended shortly after that. I ordered my taxi and went home. Two days later, she came to work like nothing happened. She claimed she didn’t remember anything from that night. Honestly, that shocked me. That was when it really hit me. That night, nobody touched her, but the lesson touched all of us for the rest of our lives.

What if I had taken the chance? What if something had happened and she later claimed I took advantage of her? What would have been my fate? At that time, I was still owing my mother millions of naira for sponsoring my trip abroad. How would I have explained myself?

A situation like that might not even be taken seriously in Nigeria, but in the UK, it’s a completely different ball game.

If you find yourself in such a situation, just know that the consequences can follow you for life. A few minutes of enjoyment is not worth destroying your future. Yes, things in the UK can be uncertain, but there are real opportunities here if you stay focused and patient.

I’m not supporting what Qudus Ajeyemi did, but I can’t lie, part of me feels for him. Coming to the UK at 27 gives you enough time to build your life properly before marriage and other responsibilities come in.

Sadly, he just missed an open goal. He missed the train, and the train doesn't stop twice.

I listened to a YouTube video by a Canada-based Nigerian who talked about her level of happiness in Canada. She asserted that if you were never happy in Nigeria, relocation might create an initial excitement for you, but it might fade away, and you would revert to your normal self. According to her, relocation hardly changes what you carry inside of you.

That is spot on, in my view. Yes, it exposes you to a world of opportunities, positivity, security, assurance, and comfort. But at some point, all these will become normal to you, and you will begin to hunger for more. According to the Hedonic Treadmill theory, human beings quickly adapt to new changes. Buying a new car or getting a promotion provides a temporary spike in joy, but your baseline level of happiness soon resets to its original state.

Real happiness comes from appreciating the little things that come your way. These are things that some people find meaningless and take for granted.

These include experiencing good weather, being in good health, enjoying a party with friends, having access to fresh air, the company of family members or friends, a basic holiday, the successful completion of an operation or project, being debt-free, passing an examination, getting a good night's sleep, enjoying a nice meal, taking a nice walk, listening to good music, watching a movie, having some me-time, making friends or forming new relationships, the birth of a child, supporting a friend or family member, and much more. These are simple activities that do not cost an arm and a leg.

In a developing country like Nigeria, and Africa as a whole, unhappiness is largely poverty-driven. People believe they will be happy when their pockets are loaded with money or when their financial fortunes improve. This seems true to an extent, but after a while, their tastes increase, and they find themselves needing more money. When your happiness is based on money, there is a possibility that you will be sad for a long time. This is because you can never get enough. This is similar to grabbing beach sand; the more sand you grab, the more you lose. This continues until you have nothing left in your palm.

In the age of social media, comparison has become the order of the day. We consciously and unconsciously compare ourselves with others connected to us. We tend to compare our lives with the highlights of other people's lives without knowing the full story. This is how people easily get misled.

Apart from this, much of the content on social media is fabricated. It is often created by people trying to fake it until they make it. I will share a personal story. Last year, in 2025, the trend of "Japada" (immigrants returning home) started in the UK. People began making videos about returning to Nigeria. I stumbled upon a YouTube video of a family talking about their return to Nigeria to "create wealth and opportunities" for people. They extolled the huge economic potential of Nigeria.

For a moment, I felt I was missing something. It triggered something in me. But as a minimalist, it was difficult to find a strong motivation to leave the UK. I knew something was amiss, but I could not figure out what it was. Fast forward to June 2026, and this family surfaced in Canada, prompting a huge backlash from their followers. I will not be shocked if this family starts complaining about Canada again in the near future.

My point here is that happiness must come with contentment.

After almost five years in the UK, I have concluded that life is simply the same everywhere. The reason it is hard to win an argument against Nigeria in this conversation is that things are unbelievably worse there, especially with the spate of insecurity and kidnappings for ransom by bandits.

People rely on food aid in the UK; some people are homeless; millions survive on benefits; and the cost of living could kill the living. Many believe the government does not care and has failed. Public resentment is high.

There is also the issue of trade-offs. When you gain something, you might lose something else. For example, someone who buys an exotic car will be celebrated. But that comfort may deprive the person of physical activities that might help them stay in shape.

I miss friends and family members. I miss some roadside foods and the feeling of Christmas, New Year, Sallah, and other celebrations in an African setting. I crave the original version of party jollof rice, prepared traditionally with firewood, alongside that he-goat that terrorised the neighbourhood for years. Its body odour must be intact.

On a more serious note, I wish my parents could always be there to help me with childcare. I follow the Facebook content of some local farmers in Nigeria who set traps for wild animals. I celebrate them when they make good catches and prepare them for food. I wish I could join them for a day and enjoy the experience. Tell me I am crazy.

At some point, I felt that marriage and having a family were my nirvana. I feel grateful to have one, but the responsibilities and commitments involved are immense and can be overwhelming. The sense of achievement is rewarding, but at times, I recall some memories from my days as a bachelor and lick my lips.

Happiness is confusing. It is like an unsteady cellular network that comes and goes. I guess it was on this note that economists distinguished between wants and needs. Needs are "must-haves," while wants are "nice-to-haves" that can be unlimited.

True happiness can be achieved, but only if you view it as a practice and a mindset rather than a permanent destination. Happiness is a skill, not a destination.

Whether in Lagos, London, Toronto, New York, or Sydney, the pursuit of happiness ultimately begins within. A change of location may improve your circumstances, but contentment remains an inside job.

Before I got married, I had a movie-style orientation about how marriage works. In my view, it was supposed to be a blissful experience, at least for the first few years. Something synonymous with buying a brand-new car. The experience is always smooth before it starts to develop faults over time.

But on the contrary, marriage was an examination I never prepared for. When you fail to prepare, you go into survival mode in order not to fail.

I started seeking answers everywhere about how best to have a happy marriage and live peacefully with my wife. To a large extent, I feel I am a good man who gives his all. But being a good, altruistic, loving, and hardworking man isn’t always enough.

The answers I wanted were not on YouTube, in books, or in the mouths of marriage advisers, pastors, and other professionals. The answer I eventually arrived at was rooted in history, culture, tradition, and the realities of everyday life.

There is a Yoruba saying: “Owo ni a fi n se oko obinrin,” meaning, “Money upholds your position as the husband of a woman.”

Marriage is a vehicle that is supposed to keep moving, and money is the fuel.

In my experience and observation, money does not guarantee a happy home or a successful marriage. However, it can help keep many marital challenges at a manageable level. Marriage is a complex institution, and many men would argue that navigating it abroad can be even more challenging because of changing social and economic dynamics.

From what I have seen, one of the best ways for a man to enjoy relative peace in marriage is to be financially stable. Living things naturally gravitate toward what benefits them. Ants go for sugar. Nectar does not find the bees; the bees find the nectar. In the forest, food hardly comes to the lion; the lion hunts for it.

Even in human settings, opportunities rarely come looking for you. You apply for the jobs you desire. When you get one, you sign a contract that governs your conduct. Oftentimes, you may not agree with every rule, but you comply because the job serves an important purpose.

Many people dislike aspects of their jobs, yet they still show up every day because of the benefits attached to them. In simple terms, people are often willing to tolerate inconveniences when the rewards are significant enough.

When a successful man enters a room, he is often accorded a certain level of respect. Whether we like it or not, society tends to place value on people who have resources, influence, or something to offer. On the other hand, people who are struggling may find themselves overlooked.

In my opinion, many women place a high value on financial security, especially those who have experienced economic hardship. For such women, a financially stable partner can represent safety, comfort, and a better future. As a result, they may hold such a man in high regard.

Some men believe that even when affection declines in a marriage, financial security can become one of the factors that encourages both parties to remain committed to the relationship. Whether one agrees or disagrees with this view, it is difficult to deny that finances play a major role in many marriages.

In Nigerian society, for example, wealth often influences how people are perceived. If Ned Nwoko were a poor man attempting to marry Regina Daniels, many believe the public reaction would have been very different. His wealth undoubtedly shaped public perception. However, as events have shown, money alone is not enough to guarantee marital success.

Many men have also observed that financial success can significantly affect their attractiveness in the dating market. Standards that appear rigid sometimes become more flexible when money enters the equation. Whether fair or unfair, this is a reality that many people acknowledge.

We see similar patterns across society. Since the rise of social media monetisation, people increasingly use their appearance, opinions, and personal lives to generate income. Financial incentives now influence behaviour in ways that would have been unimaginable a few decades ago.

For this reason, I believe that every man should strive for financial stability before and during marriage. Marriage itself is expensive. It comes with responsibilities that require practical solutions, not just good intentions.

In recent years, there have been reports of UK-based African married men dying at relatively young ages. While every case is different and the causes are often complex, discussions within African communities frequently point to the enormous financial and emotional pressures many married men carry. Whether these observations are accurate or not, they highlight the burden that many men feel.

Ultimately, my conclusion is simple. Money may not buy love, happiness, or a perfect marriage, but it can provide a man with security, influence, options, and a measure of respect. In my view, financial stability helps create the conditions under which many marriages are more likely to survive and thrive.

That may not be the whole story of marriage, but it is one lesson I learned the hard way.

I recently wrote an article emphasising the failure of democracy, especially in Africa. Democracy is still the best form of government. The problem is that political actors worldwide have learned to manipulate it. It will only get worse. As the next presidential election in Nigeria draws nearer, there is a likelihood that President Bola Ahmed Tinubu might be literally contesting against himself. This sounds ridiculous, but it is already unfolding.

Nigeria operates a multi-party system on paper. Most elections are dominated by two major political parties, namely the All Progressives Congress and the People’s Democratic Party. Oftentimes, what we call the opposition party is formed by aggrieved members of the ruling party. Apparently, they are still one family. They only become opposition when it is perceived that the spoils of power were not evenly shared. At least 18 out of the 21 political parties are not real contenders but pretenders. They function as fractional political platforms, often used as special purpose vehicles by the dominant parties.

Tinubu understands the fragility of the party system in Nigeria and is using it to his advantage. He appears to be drawing lessons from leaders like Paul Kagame, Abdel Fattah el-Sisi, Robert Mugabe, Yoweri Museveni, Paul Biya and Vladimir Putin, leaders often accused of suppressing opposition to stay in power. In 2018, Sisi’s government cracked down on political opponents using the machinery of the state. The moment you throw your hat in the ring, scrutiny intensifies, and in some cases, opponents are arrested or disqualified. Sisi eventually contested against Moussa Mostafa Moussa, a relatively unknown candidate who stood little chance. He won in a landslide, although the election was widely criticised by Western governments and observers. During Mugabe’s time, his opponent Morgan Tsvangirai was arrested, publicly humiliated, and in 2007, beaten by the police alongside his supporters.

Since Tinubu places significant importance on validation from the Western world, he appears to be pursuing a more subtle approach to weakening the opposition. It is quiet and methodical, designed to appear normal and procedural. The latest rumour is that the current Chairman of the Independent National Electoral Commission, Professor Joash Amupitan, is a supporter of the ruling party. Social media posts on X in 2023 were said to have exposed his support for Tinubu. I am not surprised. A shrewd politician like Tinubu is unlikely to nominate someone who cannot align with his interests.

It is also argued that Tinubu has used the FCT Minister, Nyesom Wike, to weaken the former main opposition party, the PDP. Does it not raise questions that a member of the opposition, who once helped stabilise the party after the Ali Modu Sheriff crisis, is now a major force within the ruling structure while still retaining his opposition membership? The problems within the PDP have become so complex that some members have abandoned the party and regrouped elsewhere. Today, Wike is reportedly building residences for judges in Abuja, a move some interpret as strategic positioning in case election results are challenged in court.

Tinubu has also been accused of persuading state governors with incentives to join the APC. His party now has over 30 governors. A few others have not formally joined but are aligned with him. The crisis within the African Democratic Congress has also been linked to powerful political interests. Former Vice President Atiku Abubakar, in a recent interview, alleged that a factional leader of the party has received protection, vehicles, and housing while undermining the party’s progress. INEC’s stance on the ADC crisis has further raised concerns about neutrality.

Some prominent figures in the ADC, including former Kaduna State governor Nasir El-Rufai and former Attorney General Abubakar Malami, are currently facing corruption related cases. This has been widely interpreted in some quarters as an attempt to pressure opposition figures.

Previously, the National Assembly, dominated by Tinubu’s allies, appeared reluctant to pass proposals mandating real time transmission of election results by INEC. I have not lived as long as Methuselah in the Bible, but I have rarely seen an incumbent appear this concerned about opposition forces. It may look calm in public, but behind the scenes, it seems far more restless.

Back to the crux of the matter, if the ADC collapses, who will realistically contest against Tinubu? Those numerous smaller political parties that cannot win even the most localised contests? If that happens, 2027 may effectively become Tinubu contesting against himself. This could turn out to be one of the least competitive presidential elections in Nigeria’s history.

The article headline appears damning and alarming. I agree. Ignore it for a second and focus on the crux of the matter. On the 6th of February 2026, a Ghanaian nurse named Richmond Mensah, a father of one, went to sleep in preparation for a night shift and never woke up. He was just 33. He left behind his wife and a 14-month-old daughter. His story is not an isolated case. Similarly, Samuel Acquah, a Ghanaian nurse at Southend University Hospital in Essex, died in his sleep in August 2025, leaving behind a wife and two children in Ghana. The list of Ghanaian healthcare workers who have died suddenly is long and well-documented online.

In recent years, many immigrants have passed away under circumstances linked to stress. There is a sleeplessness epidemic across the Western world. Due to the high cost of living, people literally work around the clock to make ends meet. Many people take on both night and day shifts, hoping their situation will eventually improve. Approximately one in three adults in the UK experiences sleep problems or symptoms of insomnia, with over 80 percent of the population affected by poor sleep at some point. Recent data suggests that more than half of UK adults, 51 percent, do not get enough sleep, and around 10 percent suffer from persistent, chronic insomnia. According to Aviva, key factors affecting sleep in the UK include financial worries, affecting 45 percent of people, stress, and work-related issues.

The implication is clear. Stress takes a toll on the human body and can destroy it if left unchecked. There is a saying in academia that the shorter your sleep, the shorter your life. It was popularised by British sleep expert Matt Walker, PhD, an author, scientist, and professor of neuroscience and psychology at the University of California, Berkeley.

If you sleep more, you live longer. If you sleep less, your lifespan reduces. According to the NHS, adults need 7 to 9 hours of sleep, while children need 9 to 13 hours daily. Sleep is central to human health and wellbeing. It affects overall human functioning. Lack of sleep impacts memory, processing speed, and mood. It even affects the size of a man’s testicles. Furthermore, the strength of a man’s genes can be weakened by sleep deprivation. The immune system is also compromised. In addition, sleep affects physical strength and motivation. Mental health is not spared either. Sleep deprivation can lead to depression and other serious conditions, such as obesity, body pains, high blood pressure, dizziness, and even heart attacks or cardiac arrest.

In recent years, how many Nigerians who move abroad can truly boast of meeting the daily sleep threshold of 7 to 9 hours? It is a very small percentage. Most Nigerians who relocate abroad are absorbed into the blue-collar sector, where jobs are physically demanding and emotionally exhausting. The pay is often modest, and to meet bills and responsibilities, many are forced to work unsociable hours.

In the UK, for example, coming in as a student is particularly challenging. Highly indebted students attend classes during the day and work at night. I once heard of a man who spends his day doing heavy lifting in a warehouse as a loader. After 11 hours, he resumes a night shift at a hospital where he works as a support worker. He relies on short breaks to catch a few hours of sleep. It is never enough. When he gets home, he cares for his child. Within this tight schedule, he still fulfils his responsibilities to his wife. This is the reality of many immigrants in Europe and America.

Social media validation, the pressure to appear successful, unrealistic targets, impatience, the need to send money home, and the lack of social safety nets for immigrants are all factors pushing people slowly toward early graves.

At first, everything seems fine, with no visible concerns. Then, gradually, the body begins to break down. One of the early signs of stress abroad is loud snoring like those Shomolu power generators, regardless of body size. Soon after, symptoms such as constant tiredness, loss of energy, poor concentration, frequent drowsiness, and recurring illness begin to appear.

From my personal observation, many immigrants adopt coping mechanisms used by locals in an attempt to manage stress and lack of sleep. They rely on stimulants such as coffee, energy drinks, and vapes to keep going. Some go further, turning to pills, weed, and other substances. While these may offer temporary relief, the long-term consequences can be severe and life-threatening. It is a deep and dangerous cycle.

With the growing rate of sleeplessness among Nigerians abroad, it may take sheer luck for many to live long. Although people are aware of these risks and are trying to transition into white-collar jobs, upward mobility remains limited, especially for people of colour.

As the legendary rapper MI Abaga said in one of his songs, “Don’t spend your life to buy money, because you can’t spend your money to buy life.”

There is an ongoing debate about which country is better to emigrate to, Canada or the United Kingdom. What makes this conversation both interesting and ironic is that it is largely driven by Nigerians who are immigrants, not by locals in these countries.

Some Nigerians arrive in the United Kingdom full of expectations, only to realise that money does not grow on trees. Soon after, they begin to consider relocating again, this time to Canada, often influenced by concerns around visa uncertainty and long settlement routes in the UK.
In some cases, people move from the UK to Canada and then back to the UK again. This constant back-and-forth is not just exhausting; it is expensive and mentally draining. Starting over in a new country is not a small decision. It requires emotional stability, financial strength, and time.

From a distance, life in the West appears almost perfect. Clean streets, beautiful buildings, organised systems, and a lifestyle that looks effortless. Social media reinforces this illusion. With good lighting, decent clothes, and a smartphone, anyone can curate a version of success that attracts admiration. What is rarely shown is the pressure behind the scenes, the long hours, the uncertainty, and the quiet struggles.
The reality for many immigrants is far less glamorous. A significant number of Nigerians in the UK find themselves in blue-collar roles. At first, it feels like progress. There is income, independence, and a sense of movement. But over time, the limitations become clearer. The work can be physically demanding, upward mobility is not always straightforward, and the journey to permanent residency can feel slow and uncertain.

Canada, on the other hand, is often seen as offering a clearer pathway through programmes like Express Entry, along with better prospects for white-collar employment. This perception drives many to make the switch. However, the reality is more complex. Canada has its own structural challenges. Job markets can be tight, and it is not uncommon for newcomers to spend months searching for work while facing a high cost of living. For many, this creates a different kind of pressure.

The truth is that no system is designed to be easy for outsiders. Every country prioritises its own stability first. What we are witnessing is not just a UK versus Canada debate, but a broader global reality. Opportunities are shrinking, competition is increasing, and economic systems are becoming less forgiving.

Relocating today requires more than ambition. It demands patience, humility, and resilience. These are not just nice qualities; they are survival tools. Without them, the adjustment period can feel overwhelming. Even with high-level skills in fields like technology, medicine, or engineering, there are no guarantees. The global job market is shifting, and even previously secure industries are evolving rapidly.

This is why I often encourage people back home to look inward as much as they look outward. Building something where you are may not be glamorous, but it can be powerful. Recently, I have spent time following young Nigerians involved in agriculture and animal husbandry. What they are doing may not trend globally, but it is sustainable, impactful, and deeply valuable. They are creating wealth, not just chasing it.
There is dignity in building, in staying, in growing something from the ground up. Movement, on its own, is not progress. Relocating repeatedly in search of a perfect system can become a cycle rather than a solution.

There is no perfect country. There is no guaranteed soft landing. Every path comes with trade offs. So before choosing sides in the UK Canada debate, it is worth asking a more honest question. Are you chasing opportunity, or are you chasing perception?
Because in the end, the difference matters.

Rice is the most popular staple food in Nigeria. For some reason, rice has gained immense cultural and social significance. Most times, the price of rice is used to measure the progress made by an administration over time. Politicians ululate when the price of rice falls and take the glory. They can also deploy the availability and price of rice against an opponent. Rice has become an object of political brickbats.

Growing up, my civil servant family used to eat rice on Sundays during the military regime. It was a day to look forward to. Rice was made into jollof rice - a classy dish once associated with the elites. We also had rice and stew. Rice and beans never went wrong either. For the not-so-rich, concoction rice graced the table. Rice was that magical meal that could be transformed into many forms, stretching across class, culture, and occasion. From weddings to funerals, birthdays to casual family gatherings, no social event in Nigeria feels complete without rice.

As the reverence for rice grew among Nigerians, one clever but uneducated politician named Chief Lamidi Adedibu (now deceased) from Ibadan, Oyo State, was studying the “rice situation” in Nigeria in the 1990s. He soon saw Nigeria’s love for rice as a weakness that could be exploited for political gain and to secure the loyalty of the masses. Adedibu — the “King of Molete,” fondly known as “Baba” in those days, did not wait for elections. His house in Ibadan became something like a daily feeding centre. He fed thousands of people regularly with amala and gave them small amounts of cash. To many, the experience felt like biblical manna from heaven. It earned him immense political influence and popularity. He built a fiercely loyal grassroots army, if Adedibu asked them to vote for a candidate, they did. Adedibu became a mega kingmaker in Oyo politics, popularising what later became known as “Amala politics.”

The politics of “stomach infrastructure” is, in my view, a mockery of the Nigerian masses. It reminds me of the story of Esau, who sold his birthright to his brother Jacob for a bowl of stew. He sacrificed his future for a moment of satisfaction and pleasure. Isn’t that what the masses do when they accept rice and other cheap gifts from political actors in exchange for their votes?

At that point in Nigeria’s history, rice was not widely known as a political bait. Another politician, Ayodele Fayose, who attended the Polytechnic of Ibadan, appeared to have understudied Adedibu’s strategy. Nigerians are hungry, feed them first, tell them what they want to hear, and they will follow you. This played out clearly during the 2014 gubernatorial election in Ekiti State, a hotly contested race between the incumbent governor, Kayode Fayemi, and Fayose. While Fayemi campaigned on his record of building roads, schools, and civic infrastructure, Fayose took a different route. He argued, in simple terms, that you cannot expect a hungry man to appreciate a smooth road.

Rice was widely deployed as a political weapon to defeat Fayemi decisively. Fayose’s campaign brazenly distributed bags of rice, chickens, and cash directly to the people. The good people of Ekiti could hardly say no. They saw Fayose’s rice as salvation. The branded mini-bags of rice carried political messages that spread faster than fake news in the 21st century. In a shocking outcome, Fayose defeated the incumbent in all 16 local government areas. After the election, this approach became widely known as “stomach infrastructure”— a term Fayose himself proudly embraced.

The success of this rice strategy soon changed the face of politics in Nigeria. Every politician with deep pockets began investing in rice distribution. The more they shared, the more popularity they gained. To this day, election campaigns are often driven less by manifestos and more by material inducements. Politicians now add more “ingredients” to the rice, money, cooking supplies, propaganda, rigging, violence, and aggression, to secure political victory.

Earlier this month, Nigerian President Bola Ahmed Tinubu announced the nationwide distribution of rice in grand style as part of preparations that many believe are tied to the 2027 presidential election.

Tinubu directed the Renewed Hope Ambassadors to begin distributing rice across all states of the federation to support Nigerians observing Ramadan and Lent. While this appears to be an act of benevolence, it is also timely and strategic.

Rice in Nigeria is more than food; it is a symbol of survival, celebration, and, increasingly, political leverage. In a country where poverty is widespread, a bag of rice today often means more to a struggling family than promises of a better economy tomorrow. Tinubu understands this and may use it to his advantage.

But the truth must be told: the success of the rice strategy has contributed to the regression of the Nigerian state. Hunger has been weaponised, and the people are bought cheaply. The masses have become like catfish, fed expertly, only to be harvested, processed, packaged, and sold for high economic value by the farmer.

Travelling is education. Most times, the information you need is experiential. It is not written in a book. You need to visit places and observe things first-hand. It helps you demystify certain myths. Before I relocated abroad, I had so much faith in anything foreign. I used the term ‘saner climes’ like other writers endlessly. But after living outside Nigeria for a while, I realised there is no ‘sane clime’ anywhere. The only difference is that the standard in Africa is extremely low. These Western countries we look up to also have their challenges, and their citizens are increasingly disillusioned.

Today, thousands of UK residents emigrate yearly in search of better opportunities. According to the UK Office for National Statistics, over 500,000 people left the UK in 2023 alone, with popular destinations including Australia, Canada, and the UAE.

When I read that President Bola Ahmed Tinubu was in the UK for a state-sponsored visit, I thought, “This is good content for PR.” I didn’t read much into it. I didn’t find it beneficial to the common man on the street, either in the short term or the long term.

The UK is heavily indebted, public sector net debt is over 100% of GDP, and the Labour Party government under Keir Starmer is under pressure to stabilise the economy while maintaining public support. The country is still adjusting to life after Brexit, which has had lasting economic effects. The cost of living crisis persists, with inflation peaking above 10% in 2022 to 2023, and although it has eased, many households still struggle.

The National Health Service is stretched thin, with waiting lists exceeding 7 million patients at some point in recent years. Immigration remains a heated political issue, especially with rising asylum applications, over 70,000 in 2023, and increasing pressure on housing and social services.

So when Tinubu showed up, I saw it more as a film project of make-believe than anything transformative. The pictures were good and bright, as expected. The West has a way of teasing Nigeria about having the best ‘Jollof rice,’ and we always fall for it. At this point, it feels like subtle mockery. Their leaders sprinkle Nigerian slang, we laugh, and the media amplifies it for sensation. We enjoy the moment. The Western world is very skilled at telling people what they need to hear. Not all smiles are real.

While Tinubu’s media team publicised the gains of the trip, amid reports that some supporters were allegedly paid between £300 and £500 to attend welcome gatherings, something more consequential happened quietly.

Tinubu’s Minister of Interior, Olubunmi Tunji Ojo, signed an agreement with the UK Home Secretary, Shabana Mahmood, to improve cooperation on the return of Nigerians with no legal right to remain in the UK. The UK Home Office presented this as a significant step in migration control. The Nigerian Interior Ministry watered down the announcemement in a more dignifying matter. It partly read:

"...........UK government, guarantees that returnees will be treated with dignity, rights retention under domestic law, and may re-enter in the future if they meet the applicable immigration requirements.
It also provides detailed arrangements for the dignified return and reintegration of NIGERIANS who do not have the legal right to remain in the UK".

Compare the above with a Facebook announcement made by the Home Office on the 20th of March:

"We have signed a new agreement with Nigeria to speed up the return of people with no legal right to be in the UK.
Our partnership with Nigeria means we don't have to wait to return people with no right to be here, saving money for the British taxpayer by freeing up space in prisons or detention centres and easing pressure on local communities.
This means quicker action against those who abuse our systems and allows returns to move without delay, while keeping the process fair for those who follow the rules and come here legitimately"

The context tells a more complex story. Nigerians are not among the largest groups arriving illegally in the UK, commiting crimes or gaming the immigration system. Data shows that most irregular arrivals come from countries like Afghanistan, Iran, Syria, and Eritrea. Nigerians in the UK, estimated at over 270,000 residents, are largely in legal migration routes such as work, study, and family visas. Visa overstay rates for Nigerians exist, but they are not among the highest globally.

So why the urgency? Politics.

As expected, African leaders often sign agreements placed before them by Western countries, partly to maintain diplomatic goodwill and ensure smooth visits. Those glossy pictures matter; they signal acceptance and validation. The endorsement of Western leaders, even those who once described Nigeria as “fantastically corrupt,” still carries weight.

The agreement feels like this: a child runs away from home seeking a better future after enduring hardship, and instead of fixing the home, the parent visits the new host to make the child’s stay difficult. You want them back, but to what exactly?

In the age of rising nationalism and global economic uncertainty, living abroad is no longer the dream it once was. Many Nigerian immigrants in the UK quietly admit that the reality is tougher than expected. Some who held executive positions back home now struggle in lower-paying roles abroad, particularly in sectors like construction, warehousing, healthcare, and social care.

Their consolation is often long-term, securing permanent residency and eventually citizenship. According to UK immigration policy, most migrants qualify for Indefinite Leave to Remain after 5 years, but policy discussions have suggested possible extensions to 10 years, which would significantly delay settlement prospects.

For many, especially those in demanding care roles, this means a longer period of economic and professional stagnation. Degrees go unused. Dreams are deferred. The promise of a better future, if not for them, then for their children, keeps them going.

The UK understands this dynamic and continues to adjust its immigration system accordingly. But the underlying question remains: if Nigeria worked, would so many Nigerians still feel compelled to leave?

Yet, the agreement was signed anyway.

The photo ops were brilliant. And I am sure the Minister of Interior, Ojo, will keep his copies as memorabilia.

A friend once shared something a family member told him, something that initially baffled him. He said: “If you ever want to succeed abroad, get a job in a white-dominated establishment. It is the easiest way to grow.”

He added that progress tends to be slower in spaces dominated by Black people because of intense competition and overlapping ambitions. From my experience abroad, there is some truth to this. When one Black professional breaks into a field and thrives, others often follow quickly. It reflects what I call the “I can do” spirit, a powerful drive to improve one’s circumstances.

By contrast, I have seen some white workers remain in the same low-level roles for decades, often by choice. Opportunities come, but they are declined with a casual “I can’t be asked.” Even when peers progress, there is little sense of urgency or comparison. If the job becomes uncomfortable, they move on. Ironically, this creates space for more ambitious individuals to step in. This is not to say they lack ambition, only that it often manifests differently.

This same pattern of observation and replication can be seen in religion on social media.

Eminent figures like Pastor Jerry Eze of Streams of Joy International appear to have drawn inspiration from the success of Pastor Nathaniel Bassey and his widely popular Hallelujah Challenge. With slight adjustments such as timing and delivery, similar formats have been replicated. Since the rise of Jerry Eze’s NSPPD morning prayers and the financial success associated with them, there has been a noticeable surge in pastors, prophets, and clerics, including traditional and Islamic figures, moving onto social media.

The message is consistent. Miracles, prophecies, financial breakthroughs, and divine protection.

Increasingly, many young people seem more interested in benefiting from God than in knowing Him. They outsource spiritual understanding to clerics, seeking quick solutions to life’s problems without personal transformation. On social media, traditional preaching rarely gains traction. But if a speaker appears to reveal personal details, sometimes by simply asking for a name, their “power” is instantly validated in the eyes of viewers.

Platforms like TikTok have become a goldmine for this trend. With nearly 2 billion monthly active users globally and high engagement among 18 to 34-year-olds, TikTok offers an enormous audience. Users spend significant time on the app, and at any moment, regardless of timezone, there is likely a livestream offering hope, healing, or prophecy.

In return, viewers send money through virtual gifts, often without hesitation. The algorithm reinforces this cycle. Engage with one religious livestream, and you are quickly recommended many more. The combination of reach, interaction, and monetisation has made TikTok a hotspot for digital spirituality.

From observation, Pentecostal Christian communities appear particularly active in this space. On the surface, this may seem beneficial for the spread of Christianity. However, a deeper look raises concerns. The motivations behind some of these activities often show signs of personal aggrandisement and financial opportunism.

What may begin as an altruistic effort frequently evolves into a system requiring ongoing financial commitment. In many cases, followers are effectively paying for services, miracles, prophecies, and interventions that cannot be verified.

The rapid rise of social media pastors across Africa also reflects broader socioeconomic realities. History shows that this is not new. During the Great Depression, there was a surge in motivational speakers, pastors, and spiritual figures. People turned to them for hope during a time of widespread hardship and uncertainty.

Africa today faces its own version of prolonged crises. Decades of poor leadership, corruption, unfavourable trade conditions, and external shocks such as the Russia-Ukraine War have driven up the cost of living. Economic pressure continues to mount, and many people are desperate for answers and relief.

In such conditions, the appeal of spiritual intervention becomes stronger.

Social media pastors step into this vacuum, offering explanations for personal struggles and promises of transformation. Unfortunately, as history has shown, this environment also creates fertile ground for manipulation. Many people, in their search for hope, may once again be misled, deceived, or exploited.

Before I start, I must admit that this is a very awkward topic. At the same time, it is an interesting one. I have come across it several times on social media, and the comment sections of such posts never fail to make me laugh. They are hardly factual, but they can be very entertaining. So, don’t take this personally. Just enjoy the gist, drink some cold water, and allow your blood pressure to regulate itself.

In my opinion, wherever human beings work together, whether of the same or opposite sex, depending on their sexual orientation, copulation tends to take place. It is a normal human phenomenon. From my anecdotal observations, any occupation in which people are confined to the same place for long hours each day becomes a red zone where people are easily tempted to sleep with each other.

The tendency is even higher where teamwork and collaboration are essential to getting the job done. As people spend long hours together, official and unofficial conversations begin to flow. Desires and admiration gradually kick in. Conflicts and resolutions also occur. Consciously or unconsciously, people start to see their colleagues as part of their extended family. Familiarity grows, and interests develop.

The progression is usually simple. It innocently starts with a smile, then moves to small talk, then a handshake, and eventually a light hug. Over time, the hugs become tighter and longer — chest to chest.

Those who are very self-controlled keep their fantasies to themselves and suppress those feelings. Others who are more vulnerable find themselves caught in a romantic web without much thought about the future or any proper risk assessment. At that point, people become emotionally entangled and begin to act impulsively.

This is the same technique used by reality shows to foster romantic relationships among participants. They place young people in the same environment, make them do activities together, encourage interactions, and cut off communication with the outside world. Gradually, people begin to lose touch with reality and develop what are often phantom feelings for those around them. I call this the “Big Brother reality show syndrome,” coined from the popular Big Brother television series.

The Healthcare and Social Care Sector

I have worked in Nigeria and the United Kingdom for over a decade combined, across different sectors. From my observation, the healthcare sector, which includes doctors, nurses, and support workers, is one environment where workplace romances frequently emerge.

In the UK, working hours in the health and social care sector can be extremely long. For support staff, the pay is not always fantastic. To make ends meet, many workers pick up multiple shifts. The implication is that people often end up working simply to survive rather than truly living their lives. Other aspects of life may become neglected. For those who are married, even their intimate relationships may suffer.

To compound the situation, the risk increases when staff sit idle during night shifts in residential settings. The UK weather is often cold, and that naturally makes people seek human warmth and companionship. In such circumstances, people who spend long hours together may gradually grow closer.

Anyone who has worked in the health and social care sector in the UK will likely have heard rumours of colleagues becoming romantically involved. Sometimes it almost feels like an unofficial part of workplace culture. Many of these relationships begin as simple friendships before gradually becoming something more.

Often, it starts with a supportive colleague who becomes a trusted confidant — the “work bestie.” Over time, emotional bonds deepen. What may initially feel like a one-time mistake sometimes becomes a repeated pattern.