₦airaland Forum

[quote author=ibisko04 post=42662431]For the first time, we are witnessing a president who have the liver to identify and pinpoint where a problem originated. We like glossing over our problems in order to look good.
But it is always good to know the genesis of a problem when you are proffering a solution to that problem.
Buhari government is a corrections government. We must know all our failed and failing points, what decision led to us failing at a particular time, how do we avoid falling into the same pit once again.
These processes must be followed accordingly to make available a better solution.
Anything short of identifying where we got it wrong before making attempts on solutions is like running in a circle.
I think PDP supporters are aware that they failed woefully but they don't like being reminded constantly as that will mar their chances of taking over power from APC. PDP did nothing to strengthen the naira, but expect the naira now under PMB to appreciate with the current price of crude oil. Have they stopped calling for further devaluing of the naira?

I think the military had no equipment before GEJ, right?

EfemenaXY:
What an ignorant story. The reporter / journalist who compiled this article ought to be shot.

There's no such thing as raping a man to death. Or is that what the postmortem result stated? "Cause of death: Rape"?

The clown most likely died from a heart-attack, as is usually the case with most physically unfit men with an unsatiable appetite for sex.

Mtcheew.

Can you imagine people actually believed this? Gosh!

The reason why we have so many failed marriages is because we have more sick people than normal, healthy and mentally stable people. Having said that, this is what I think of @ nairalife and co:


1. Unaccountable: Those women that could not give you the other cheek are bad people- it couldn't have been your fault.

2. Too proud: Women should not desire good partners

3. Hypocrite: You can give but cannot take poo.

4. Morally bankrupt: Who can put up with

my bad character. After all we are a reflection of our partners.

I may be wrong though. But under normal circumstance, just being good should be enough to keep a family together.

ammyluv2002:
I love dis especially #2 but I'm not too cool with #1.....you have to make your spouse happy to an extent just as parents expect their kids to make them happy with certain behaviour "Let your father and mother be glad; let her who bore you rejoice" Proverbs 23:25

May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth...Proverbs 5:18

The burden of making someone happy is a huge responsibility and is unfair. There are people with unreasonable and unrealistic expectations, how do you keep them happy?

juman:
They have right to live their lifes.

Children are individuals. They have their own rights and preferences too. Don't you think so?

hbpeze:
how is your marriage with ur woman.its been 2 years now

. This is actually funny. The last two years were very rough but the last two months was perfect. What changed? She went to places in search of the cause of our problems and was told some funny stuff. Though she always thought my people were the reason behind our issues, this time around, all fingers pointed to her people. Not that I believe in those stuff, but I just count myself lucky that our problems were not compounded by a fake prophet. As she has decided to be a wife these few months, we've not been having any issues and I pray it continues. Thanks for your concern.

Opposite of submissive: difficult, awkward, stubborn, intractable, unyielding, obstinate, headstrong, uncooperative, disobedient.

rozzay: . Haba! She has a point dere don't u know dat wen u r sleeping stretching ur hands nd touching bo obs or down dere facilitates d horniness but walking from one room to anoda. Urge go don disappear

You don't have to eat simply because food is available, that is gluttony.

That is the norm now for girls- to go about with condoms in their bags in case of temptation. But that is not necessary for married people, so I will be so pissed.

BluIvy: Women desires to have life partner, a friend, a lover, a companion and good father for her kids. Everything else you've said the really is not my business. Top or bottom stuff is self deluding, do you think we sit there headless and directionless or without vision waiting for someone to direct out paths? Well atleast some of us are not.

am not sure what you mean by getting wacked!

Let me break it down for you.. Your family sees your husband as your head, hence they seek his consent whenever they need something from you, may be a visit or service. Your family needs something from your husband, they bypass you and go to him directly. He discusses it with you as a partner. Extend this to the church, work place, the society at large and show me how being a head and a partner are mutually exclusive. Notice that the man did not make himself the HEAD!

BluIvy: I beg to differ with you on this. Particularly when you refer to woman as "not quite suited for all he'll braeking loose situations." To most women a divorce is one of their "all hell brake loose" situation and there seem to be more women led single homes vs men, which without a doubt shows the strength of any individual because not only are they dealing with economic hardships but the burden to ensure that they mold great individuals to release to the world.

The mere fact that it is the norm for men to leave their wives with kids in some cases like Nigeria with out even a monthly allowance to help take care of the kids but women still carry this challenge without cease is proof enough of how endowed and gifted women are to survive and withstand the most difficult situations without breaking.

i just think men like it when women act powerless and emotional, most women know this and have mastered it to afford men their desire of being the "head" but that
does not mean they (women) are.

A man desires to be the head of his family? What does a woman desires? Remember, you can only desire what you don't have. The women you described above, have you asked them how much they love what they are doing? Would you prefer to be one of them? Do you desire as a woman, to be on top of your hubby? My advice to you is if you are 25, marry a 15 year old man, if you are a medical doctor, marry a bus conductor, if you have Phd, marry a school cert. holder. That is why most men marry younger women. A wise woman stoops to conquer, a foolish woman raises her ugly head and gets seriously whacked. A word is enough for the wise.

kmcutez: Your answer just goes to show how cruel men can be. It would have been kinder for the man to leave, but no, they want to make sure they impact as much emotional damage on the wife as possible, by subjecting her to another woman. When the wife now leaves the home, the man will say, well she left, not me, not knowing that they had already left her in all aspects by taking another wife, and then you will now come on Nairaland to quote nonsensical statistics.

Women should also be encouraged to take more husbands when the husband misbehaves.

Lost battle. The truth of the matter is that women want to eat their cake and have it back. Men are not under that illusion.. They are ready to accept the consequences of their actions but women let them get away with it. Let me give you an instance. A man and a woman agreed that whosoever that is caught in adultery should pack out. The man was caught red handed. He just went to back to the house to pack his things and the woman was like - what do you think you are doing?
All men and women are equal but some are more equal than others. I do not support adultery. My point is that men don't expect women to tolerate it. They do it because they know they can do it.

shaybebaby: A Compromise would be Lucy Joy .. She can have both names as first and middle names. Everybody happy.
My hubby chose my sons name, I chose his middle name which is a traditional name( hubby is not from my tribe) hence our child represents both of us.

Very well. I don't have any problem with who decides what. I have problem with the attitude. You don't look down on your partner's decision/ suggestions. That is where competition comes in aka we are equal, so my suggestion/decision must stand. By the way, is it ideal to have 2 English names?

EnlightenedSoul: You can take turns naming the children, or come to an agreed compromise - give and take. You have nine months to choose a set of names, it's not so difficult. Disagreeing about every little thing just to disagree is not adult behavior. Sometimes you have to take one for the team. There has to be a balance.



Head? Neck?
You're obviously going to come across disagreements you have to work through, and compromise on. Going solo willy-nilly opens the door for disagreements and further arguments. It creates the friction-filled atmosphere for your partner to do the same, leading to break-down and instability. It isn't worth it, my opinion. That's just how I see it.

Have a good one.

You are right. I am not arguing with you just to prove a point. People will learn from our discussion so I'm going to ask you this: consider these two scenarios 1. Lucy is a nice name but have you considered Joy?
2. What kind of archaic name is that?
If you have to encounter scenario 2 every time you discuss issues with your spouse, how often would you compromise?
Back to the topic, in your opinion ma, does a family need a head and what does it entail?

Please note that I said I refused to consult her because I knew she would object it. Why would she agree with me in the first place when she is the head and the neck?

EnlightenedSoul: The ideal marriage is a partnership. When partners in a marriage value equality, they see each other as equals, treat each other with respect, consider each other’s needs, and support on another. Equal partners agree on goals together and work as a team to achieve these goals. They show equal commitment to the relationship and provide mutual support and nurturing. Each values the other’s work life as highly as his or her own, even if that work life doesn’t include employment outside the home - each piece is crucial for a healthy whole.

What's a "special advisor" who's advice always goes unheeded, or who's counsel isn't sought?

What does your example prove, but the fallout they occurs when you "Take all the decisions, do as you like, do not consult about anything".

Why rob your wife of her say? Why not choose a name you both agree on? She was probably more angry about your complete disregard than she was about the name itself.

what if there is no name I chose that she will agree on? Obviously you do not get it. Some women are just out to rebel.

EnlightenedSoul: Please, what do you mean when you say "compete"? So we're clear.

what is the meaning of equality which women are clamoring for? How do you apply it in marriage without it resulting in competition? You don't take all the decisions all the time. You decide today, I decide tomorrow. Me think the role of a woman is akin to that of a special adviser. You give your advice or your objection while the final decision is his. Let me give you an instance for you to know where I am coming from. I decided to name my first daughter without consulting my wife cos I knew she would object it even though the name was a nice Christian name. She actually complained about it and proved me right.

EnlightenedSoul: How can you be SINGLE in a marriage. It's either you're single or married, no?

It depends on what you call marriage. An ideal marriage is one where there is harmony. But when a woman enters marriage seeking to compete with instead of complementing her man, then there is no harmony rather you have tenants in the same house which you mistaken to be marriage.

EnlightenedSoul: That right there is the definition of being SINGLE.

How can you be married to a man u cannot submit to? It's either you a married or single.

EnlightenedSoul: Respectfully, your one thread states otherwise.

"Complaint, complaint,complaint. Nagging,nagging,nagging. She is at the centre of the universe, everybody must worship her, she must be in charge.

Trust me, with this pride I made sure she wields zero power in my house."

exactly my point. I gave her the power and it was too much for her. How did I do it? I decided not to give her any opportunity to disrespect me. Take all the decisions, do as you like, do not consult me about anything. Is that not what every woman wants?

Relationship101: So who told you that every woman needs a head? Did EVERY woman tell you that they NEED head? And why is it necessary for a woman to need head. You mean she can't think and do things from her own judgement?

Why don't u ask them? Well mine needs cos she won't let me be the tail. Should we send her to sambisa?

I know full well that every woman needs a head in the home. In fact every woman wants a head. Any woman who comes out here to say she doesn't need a head either married the wrong person or is a wrong person herself.

Women! Adoration is not food! It does not add anything to a man, rather it takes a lot from him. Personally, I see it as a form of manipulation unless it is a sincere one. My own policy is - do not praise me and do not complain.

tpia1: like i pointed out, your ancestral enemies are doing a number on your head.

Retard

tpia1: abi o ya were ni?

did you read the thread title or your ancestral enemies are doing a number on your head?

you threaten me again here and see where you land yourself.

threaten you? Am I your husband? I meant to say there is no need for competition in marriage. Everybody should be ready to play their role well. If you need a perfect man to submit to, marry Jesus.

tpia1: Any man who has to depend on others to tell him before he knows and practices the biblical standard of marriage which essentially states love your neighbour as yourself, will soon know what's up.

why any man and not any man or woman? And what is going to happen if he does not? Do not start what you cannot finish. Marriage is not war front and is not by force.

oluwaeric: GULLIBLE PPLE!

Pathetic

A career woman or one that works hard may not need a man to take care of her. A woman that trains her tongue well and understands her role in marriage need not worry about a wife beater. If you are happy with ur self, u don't need anybody to make u happy. The main reason why people are unhappy in any relationship is that they make someone else responsible for their happiness, which is a huge burden to carry. My advice to young ladies out there looking for an angel as a husband is- make up ur mind to accept ur man, respect him, support him, appreciate him, encourage him,accept his leadership, be honest in everything and be faithful too. We get what we give. Some people want to eat their cake and have it.
With ur stinking behavior and bad character, u want a so called "mature man" who would simply say ' baby, don't do that again' while making no real effort to improve. And when a man losses his cool, she brands him imature while seeing nothing wrong with herself. This I call double standard.

How about treating them like garbage? some of them actually prefer that.

so true. But this has come a little too late. thanks anyway.

I can easily do everything thing on that list apart from #4, just because I'm nice not because I love you.