IMPOSSICANT

RCCG members don too plenty and they are looking for ways to pursue them.

sandee575:

A stowaway in the wheel well cannot survive more than 20 minutes after take off but its painless.
Initial elation, drowsiness, sleep, death.

SAY WHAT YOU KNOW! How can you say dying in a freezer without oxygen cruising at 35k to 50k feet is painless. Even with pressurized passenger cabin discomfort is still felt, talk of someone in a space not pressurized.

tkb417:

lmao

that old man annoys me ehn


i seriously dont understand how someone who is over 50 would be making such comments.

na wa

OMG!!! Is he up to 50? I thought he was in his late 30's and D1 in his late 40's.

People pleeeeese ignore this dumb f*ck. He is desperately seeking attention.

aluko360:

no mind am. the fool is an old hag trapped in a child's body,
i guess he never dreamt he could be where he is today.
you dont need to ask him what his investments are, he will gladly tell you with his monkey- chimp hybrid smile that he a has a closet filled with designer - replica apparels.
he has failed to remember that Nigerians are not as dumb as he is.

Princek12:

The CBN is releasing this story ostensibly for drawing attention to the threat of the Naira being counterfeited, but everyone in their right mind knows that the real purpose of this story is to draw attention to a Naira that is otherwise valueless. That way, the CBN, knowing they and the Naira are practically irrelevant in world markets, attempts to make themselves relevant, perhaps to the Nigerian public, by dishing out this propaganda.

I really want to thank nairaland and other social networking sites for giving brilliant nigerians the opportunity to speak freely on national matters without bottle-necks involved. If not for such media I wonder what the useless political class would have turned nigerians into. Also the so called academicians.

Funny enough most people do not know BB is more of a service than a phone, so they buy the phone and only get to use the free chatting service on BB. Truth is if u're not a globe trotter, you really cannot appreciate what RIM's BB is all about. But then again the phones are nice stand alone gadgets that has won the hearts of many.

Agibecky:

DEM THEY FEAR AL-MUSTAFARI OH!

Al-mustapha is the lion of the north.

Unleash the dragon and see who can esczape from the fiery fury!

See your mouth, please be reasonable. Are you implying it will cause unrest if this man is dealt with?

Why did it take the slowpoke an hour to eat breakfast?
Because the orange juice carton instructions said Concentrate ! !

How did the slowpoke try to kill a fish?
He tried to drown it in the sea.

What do you do if a slowpoke throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back at him .


How did the slowpoke fall on the floor?
He tripped over the cordless phone.


Why did the slowpoke climb the glass wall ?
To see what was on the other side!


How did the slowpoke try to kill a bird?
He threw it off a mountain cliff !


How do you confuse a slowpoke?
Put him in a round room and tell him to sit in one corner!


Why did the slowpoke going to the airport turn around and go home?
Because he saw the sign that said "Airport Left".


How do you keep a slowpoke in suspense?
I'll tell you tomorrow!      (hehehehe)



Hear about the slowpoke that got an AM radio?
It took him a month to realize he could play it at night.



Two morons were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks.
The first slowpoke said "These look like deer tracks,"
and the other slowpoke said, "No, they look like moose tracks."
They argued and argued, and they were still arguing when the train hit them.



Why can't a slowpoke dial 911?
They can't find the 11 on the phone!



HOW TO INSTANTLY RECOGNIZE A slowpoke

You should be sure the person is slowpoke when he:, puts lipstick on the forehead because he wants to makeup his mind. , gets stabbed in a shoot-out, sends a fax with a postage stamp on it. , tries to drown a fish in waters. , thinks socialism means partying. , trips over a cordless phone. , takes a ruler to bed to see how long he slept. , at the bottom of the application where it says "Sign Here" he puts "Sagittarius. " , studies for a blood test and fails. , sells the car for gas money. , misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22 twice instead, drives to the airport and sees a sign that said, "Airport left", he turns around and goes home. , gets locked in Furniture Shop and sleeps on the floor.

P.S. A slowpoke Is A endangered speceis. Rarely seen!!!



ONE LINERS

"Have you ever read Shakespeare?"
slowpoke: "No, who wrote it?"

A slowpoke ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should
cut it in six or twelve pieces.
"Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

Why did 18 Morons go for a movie?
Because below 18 was not allowed.

How do you measure a slowpoke's intelligence?
Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear.

What do you do when a slowpoke throws a pin at you?
Run like Hell, he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.

How do you make a slowpoke laugh on Saturday?
Tell him a joke on Wednesday.

What is the slowpoke doing when he holds his hands tightly
over his ears?
Trying to hold on to a thought.

Why do Morons work seven days a week?
So you don't have to re-train them on Monday.

Why can't Morons make ice cubes?
They always forget the recipe.

How did the slowpoke try to kill the bird?
He threw it off a cliff.

What do you call 10 Morons standing ear to ear?
A wind tunnel.

What do you see when you look into a slowpoke's eyes?
The back of his head.

What do you do when a slowpoke throws a hand grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.

Why does slowpoke always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken.

Why does slowpoke have "TGIF" written on their shoes?
Toes Go In First.

How can you tell when slowpoke sends you a fax?
It has a stamp on it.

Why can't slowpoke dial 911?
They can not find the eleven on the phone.

How do you get slowpoke on the roof?
Tell him the drinks are on the house.

"Oh, look at the dead bird."
The slowpoke looked skyward and said "Where, Where?

What do smart Morons and UFOs have in common?
You always hear about them but you never see them.

Why does it take longer to build a slowpoke snowman opposed to a
regular one?
You have to hollow out the head.

THE slowpoke'S BEETLE

A slowpoke Purchased a new Volkswagon Beetle and was driving back to home very happily. On the way the car broke down. The slowpoke came out of he car and opened the bonnet, trying to fix up the problem. Immediately began to sweat. By that time another slowpoke came by that way and saw our slowpoke, totally confused and sweating, trying to search something inside the bonnet, and asked him what was the matter. "The Volkswagon people made me fool. They have given me the Car without the engine." slowpoke 2 said "Don't worry. I have spare engine in the back of new Beetle. You can take that."PS : Beetle's have back mounted engines.

TO LOSE WEIGHT,

The doctor told the slowpoke that if he ran eight kilometers a day for
300 days, he would lose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, the slowpoke
called the doctor to report he had lost the weight, but he had a
problem. "What's the problem?"asked the doctor."I'm 2400 kms from
home."

SPARE BOMB

Two morons got fed up with the their Govt and decided to blow up
the parliament. They took 2 bombs, put them in a suitcase in the
front seat of their car and set off. the 1st slowpoke asks "What
happens if the bombs blast off now". the other slowpoke replies
"Don't worry. I have a spare bomb in the back seat"

COUNT THE CHICKEN

Two morons walked toward each other on a country road. The first
guy was carrying a burlap bag over his shoulder. "Hey man, what's
in the bag?" asked the other fella. "Chickens," was the reply. "If
I guess how many, can I have one?" "You can have both of them."
"OK, Five?"

ANOTHER COUNT!

Our slowpoke is walking down the street and sees a man jumping up and
down on a manhole cover yelling "86, 86, 86". He asks the man,Excuse
me, but why are you jumping up and down on this manhole cover and
yelling '86, 86, 86'?" The man says, "Well, I can't tell you that,
but if you really want to know, I can let you go under there and
find out. He thinks for a moment, then his curiosity gets the
better of him, and he says, "Okay." The man lifts the manhole
cover, He steps into the manhole, and the man puts the manhole
cover back and starts jumping up and down on it yelling "87, 87,
87",

THE MORONIC PROFFESOR

A slowpoke was very keen on doing his Ph.D. He was in search of a
subject on which no one did any research before! As he was
thinking over it, he found a cockroach on the table in from
of him. He decided instantly to do a research on the roach.
He picked the roach and put it in the centre of the table
and said: "Run". The roach ran. He pulled out one leg of
the roach, put it again in the centre of the table and
said: "Run". The roach ran. He pulled one more leg of the
roach, put it again in the centre of the table and said: "Run".
The roach ran. This way the roach tried to run even when it had
just one leg. He pulled last leg of the roach, put it again in the
centre of the table and said: "Run". The roach could not! Our
Professor was satisfied with his study and started writing his
thesis: "When you pull out all the legs of a roach, it cannot hear
anymore".

COLOR TV

A slowpoke is buying a TV. "Do you have color TVs?" "Sure." "Give me
a green one, please."

LONG FLIGHT

A slowpoke calls Air France. "How long does it take to fly to Paris?"
" Just a sec," comes an answer "Thank you." says the slowpoke and hangs
up!

TRAIN TO HIGHBURY

Two Morons are at a railway station. The 1st slowpoke asks the clerk:
"Can I take this train to Highbury?" "No," answers the Railway man.
"Can I?" asks the other.

Why did it take the slowpoke an hour to eat breakfast?
Because the orange juice carton instructions said Concentrate ! !

How did the slowpoke try to kill a fish?
He tried to drown it in the sea.

What do you do if a slowpoke throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back at him .


How did the slowpoke fall on the floor?
He tripped over the cordless phone.


Why did the slowpoke climb the glass wall ?
To see what was on the other side!


How did the slowpoke try to kill a bird?
He threw it off a mountain cliff !


How do you confuse a slowpoke?
Put him in a round room and tell him to sit in one corner!


Why did the slowpoke going to the airport turn around and go home?
Because he saw the sign that said "Airport Left".


How do you keep a slowpoke in suspense?
I'll tell you tomorrow! (hehehehe)



Hear about the slowpoke that got an AM radio?
It took him a month to realize he could play it at night.



Two morons were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks.
The first slowpoke said "These look like deer tracks,"
and the other slowpoke said, "No, they look like moose tracks."
They argued and argued, and they were still arguing when the train hit them.



Why can't a slowpoke dial 911?
They can't find the 11 on the phone!



HOW TO INSTANTLY RECOGNIZE A slowpoke

You should be sure the person is slowpoke when he:, puts lipstick on the forehead because he wants to makeup his mind. , gets stabbed in a shoot-out, sends a fax with a postage stamp on it. , tries to drown a fish in waters. , thinks socialism means partying. , trips over a cordless phone. , takes a ruler to bed to see how long he slept. , at the bottom of the application where it says "Sign Here" he puts "Sagittarius. " , studies for a blood test and fails. , sells the car for gas money. , misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22 twice instead, drives to the airport and sees a sign that said, "Airport left", he turns around and goes home. , gets locked in Furniture Shop and sleeps on the floor.

P.S. A slowpoke Is A endangered speceis. Rarely seen!!!



ONE LINERS

"Have you ever read Shakespeare?"
slowpoke: "No, who wrote it?"

A slowpoke ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should
cut it in six or twelve pieces.
"Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

Why did 18 Morons go for a movie?
Because below 18 was not allowed.

How do you measure a slowpoke's intelligence?
Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear.

What do you do when a slowpoke throws a pin at you?
Run like Hell, he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.

How do you make a slowpoke laugh on Saturday?
Tell him a joke on Wednesday.

What is the slowpoke doing when he holds his hands tightly
over his ears?
Trying to hold on to a thought.

Why do Morons work seven days a week?
So you don't have to re-train them on Monday.

Why can't Morons make ice cubes?
They always forget the recipe.

How did the slowpoke try to kill the bird?
He threw it off a cliff.

What do you call 10 Morons standing ear to ear?
A wind tunnel.

What do you see when you look into a slowpoke's eyes?
The back of his head.

What do you do when a slowpoke throws a hand grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.

Why does slowpoke always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken.

Why does slowpoke have "TGIF" written on their shoes?
Toes Go In First.

How can you tell when slowpoke sends you a fax?
It has a stamp on it.

Why can't slowpoke dial 911?
They can not find the eleven on the phone.

How do you get slowpoke on the roof?
Tell him the drinks are on the house.

"Oh, look at the dead bird."
The slowpoke looked skyward and said "Where, Where?

What do smart Morons and UFOs have in common?
You always hear about them but you never see them.

Why does it take longer to build a slowpoke snowman opposed to a
regular one?
You have to hollow out the head.

THE slowpoke'S BEETLE

A slowpoke Purchased a new Volkswagon Beetle and was driving back to home very happily. On the way the car broke down. The slowpoke came out of he car and opened the bonnet, trying to fix up the problem. Immediately began to sweat. By that time another slowpoke came by that way and saw our slowpoke, totally confused and sweating, trying to search something inside the bonnet, and asked him what was the matter. "The Volkswagon people made me fool. They have given me the Car without the engine." slowpoke 2 said "Don't worry. I have spare engine in the back of new Beetle. You can take that."PS : Beetle's have back mounted engines.

TO LOSE WEIGHT,

The doctor told the slowpoke that if he ran eight kilometers a day for
300 days, he would lose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, the slowpoke
called the doctor to report he had lost the weight, but he had a
problem. "What's the problem?"asked the doctor."I'm 2400 kms from
home."

SPARE BOMB

Two morons got fed up with the their Govt and decided to blow up
the parliament. They took 2 bombs, put them in a suitcase in the
front seat of their car and set off. the 1st slowpoke asks "What
happens if the bombs blast off now". the other slowpoke replies
"Don't worry. I have a spare bomb in the back seat"

COUNT THE CHICKEN

Two morons walked toward each other on a country road. The first
guy was carrying a burlap bag over his shoulder. "Hey man, what's
in the bag?" asked the other fella. "Chickens," was the reply. "If
I guess how many, can I have one?" "You can have both of them."
"OK, Five?"

ANOTHER COUNT!

Our slowpoke is walking down the street and sees a man jumping up and
down on a manhole cover yelling "86, 86, 86". He asks the man,Excuse
me, but why are you jumping up and down on this manhole cover and
yelling '86, 86, 86'?" The man says, "Well, I can't tell you that,
but if you really want to know, I can let you go under there and
find out. He thinks for a moment, then his curiosity gets the
better of him, and he says, "Okay." The man lifts the manhole
cover, He steps into the manhole, and the man puts the manhole
cover back and starts jumping up and down on it yelling "87, 87,
87",

THE MORONIC PROFFESOR

A slowpoke was very keen on doing his Ph.D. He was in search of a
subject on which no one did any research before! As he was
thinking over it, he found a cockroach on the table in from
of him. He decided instantly to do a research on the roach.
He picked the roach and put it in the centre of the table
and said: "Run". The roach ran. He pulled out one leg of
the roach, put it again in the centre of the table and
said: "Run". The roach ran. He pulled one more leg of the
roach, put it again in the centre of the table and said: "Run".
The roach ran. This way the roach tried to run even when it had
just one leg. He pulled last leg of the roach, put it again in the
centre of the table and said: "Run". The roach could not! Our
Professor was satisfied with his study and started writing his
thesis: "When you pull out all the legs of a roach, it cannot hear
anymore".

COLOR TV

A slowpoke is buying a TV. "Do you have color TVs?" "Sure." "Give me
a green one, please."

LONG FLIGHT

A slowpoke calls Air France. "How long does it take to fly to Paris?"
" Just a sec," comes an answer "Thank you." says the slowpoke and hangs
up!

TRAIN TO HIGHBURY

Two Morons are at a railway station. The 1st slowpoke asks the clerk:
"Can I take this train to Highbury?" "No," answers the Railway man.
"Can I?" asks the other.

Studio CFR:

Tehehe welcome back bro

Ehen na so my brova. Now back to slowpoke biz.

Since I comes to nairaland, i have saw plenty plenty tings but i never seeing anyting that mik sucks like those. You knews that when I was come Some atimes back the way am trying to coping is no easy until when i now saw one guy here that come and show me how to come and use this place. What is am tried to said was is, I have forgots

Studio CFR:

Na dia u go old put - lol

CHARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP

GUESS WHO'S BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!

A man's dog died and the owner took the dog to church to have a funeral rite performed. The following conversation followed

Man: Priest I want you to conduct a service for my dead dog

Priest: I only conduct funeral service for humans, please go somewhere else to try

Man: Please sir, the dog is like a child to me

Priest: There's nothing I cxan do sir, I'm very sorry

Man: OK then, I'll go somewhere else to perform the rite and give the presiding priest the $20,000 that comes along with the burial

Priest: Did you say $20000 for the presiding priest?

Man: Yes sir

Priest: Oh! come on. You should have told me the dog is christian

Studio CFR:

U no soji- Please stay on topic- u are derailling

Tanx mate can u help me?

@ CFR, I beg no kill me with laff, so you hear my voice for inside the writing- you must really be on crack

Honestly penis size does not matter, what matters is how it is used. A guy wit big meat can give a woman pleasure and even wound her in the process but a guy who knows the art can use his finger to stir greater ecstasy in the same woman. What i'm i trying to say? If the pro uses his lean meat with precision the girl will still speak in tongues and faint, hoping the session never comes to an end. Although he has to be long @ least 5inch. So make una free my guy skeevies.

STUDIO CFR, if dem never pour comic acid for your body you no go chill. @poster this is the best i've read in days. keep it coming. Kudos

Enters two shaolin masters and the following coversation follows

Funshi: mmhmm haha(strikes a pose)

zhung xi: mhmhm! What style is that?

Funshi: haha mhmh snake style

zhung xi: hehe hhih (strikes a pose)

funshi: aha aha! What style is that?

zhung xi: hehehe! flying crane

Funshi: I'll show you who the true master is. mhmhmgrrr eee (jumps toward his opponent, bites his ear. on landing, he grins in an awkward manner)

Zhung xi: Aya aya, bitey bitey. What style is that?

Funshi: Hehehehe, Clifford Orji style.

@ poster, i must commend you for originality but imagine wetin go happen to you if na live audience you tell this crap?

the guy should have gone to welder to fabricate iron bra

[b]Studio CFR[/b], you dey mental, abi kalaku wen u take dey disturb ur sense, abi ur brain dey heavy you? If u be big man pikin you no dey go big man pikin for ya useless fada. Na my thread u see wen u one take show ur adulterated self. ekpa ri ge ge na.

@ rokiatu, please d jokes are, try understand. I really want to believe u're not in the same category as d joke subject.