₦airaland Forum

the picture on your profile is Megan Good.

http://www.zimbio.com/Meagan+Good/articles/19/Profiles+Sexy+Meagan+Good+Henry+Simmons

I believe Earthy gave you the best advice so far.  In addition to his/her advice, I would suggest the following:

I watched a movie called Fireproof a few months ago. it is a christian movie on marriages -- if you can get your hands on it, i reccommend watching it.  The movie is certainly NOT based on an african marriage, but I think the ideas in the movie are cross cultural.

Here is my advice (some of which came from the movie), everyday for the next month or so, do something unexpectedly romantic for her and say nothing negative to her.  Even she is povoking you, just walk away or hold your tongue.  This is easier said than done, but God will give you grace.

Stop talking to her about what is wrong with the marriage (for now).  You said you already tried doing that and it has not worked.  So do not keep talking-- if she is not responding, then it is a waste of effort at this point.   Rather, just start showing her you love her very much by doing unexpectedly romantic things for her.  For example, you may send her flowers, maybe leave her love notes, maybe call her during the day at work to say you love her, etc.  And when you do these things, do them wholeheartedly.  So, for example, do not send her a cheap bunch of flowers o!  it won't help. Send her the vey best you can afford so that she can see that you have put some effort into it.  Other ideas include making her dinner, maybe helping out with household chores to give her a treat.

This is very difficult to do because she may not respond to some or even most of your actions, she may straight up reject your efforts, or worse, she may mock you for trying to things differently.  But do not expect a reward or even acceptance from her.  Rather, PRAYERFULLY do these things. Make sure your efforts are firmly backed up by prayer. PRAY PRAY PRAY and PRAY again.  

If you have a good christian male friend (preferably someone older that you trust), you may confide in him and ask for his advice as well.  But, if you want to save your marriage, God has to be the center of the relationship. Otherwise, all the trying you are doing is in vain. from what you have described, your wife has likely fallen out of love with you and her heart is not in the relationship.  Only God can make the difference at this point.  But don't just pray and fold your ams.  Be proactive and ask God that the little effort you are making will be sufficient.

Somalian/ethiopian women have beautiful women but on average, they are not the total package. The total package (attractive face, sexy shape, class, elegance, educational level, maturity and exposure) is west african women. I'm not sure which country in west africa would be number one -, but I know for sure that most other africans are riff raffs compared to west africans.

But yes, if we are looking at face alone - I would say Somalia is number 1. Ethiopia/Eritrea/Northern West Africans equal number 2.

Total package, definitielly not Somalia or ethiopia/eritrea.

I got the following from a verified source. It is a press release from the chambers of Chief Mike Ozekhome:



PRESS RELEASE





The desperado, Adams Oshiomole whose woeful failure to win the Edo State governorship election have set him on the lunatic scene of attempting to set me up by falsely accusing me of stock-pilling arms and ammunition and carrying away ballot boxes, has finally met his waterloo.

The labour leader mistook stint propaganda for fame and popularity, he also mistook his fake public posturing on national issues for acceptability by the Nigerian people.

But when he came into politics, he discovered to his chagrin that politics was a different ball game and kettle of fish entirely. His people do not accept him because they do not believe in him. To underscore his inconsistency and lack of principles, he started his political career by registering with the PDP, when he discovered that he was not recognized nor accepted by the PDP, he, like a veritable political prostitute perched with the ANPP chieftains who threw him out like a dredge of palm wine. Thereafter , he had a brain wave and suddenly remembered that he was supposed to be a labour man after all. And so he anchored in the Labour Party. When it became clear to him that Labour Party had no political structures and would not even win a Local Government Area in Edo State, he ran to the embattling AC. His frantic attempt to woo me to his side having failed the desired result because I know our people do not accept him, he embarked on the use of vendetta, defaming my name with impunity and setting me up in two grand manners to ensure my complete elimination and total annihilation.

-2-
First, he gave false information to soldiers of 195 Battalion, Agenebode that I had arms and ammunitions in my convoy of 5 cars. In a commando-like manner, with soldiers waylaid me and my convoy, ordering everybody out of the vehicles and searching thoroughly after turning the inside of my vehicles up-side-down without any arms and ammunition being found. Of course, it was false and baseless allegation comported to entrap me and annihilate me knowing that I am the political leader of my people, who do not believe in the AC because of fake characters like Adams Oshiomole. The soldiers did not even find a pin nay not even a nail-cutter. The soldiers thereafter saluted and apologized profusely for the embarrassment they caused me based on false information.

The second strategy was to use his 3 personal police escorts, and 9 fierce-looking thugs comprising of a mixture of cultists and OPC men to kidnap and abduct me from near my polling booth towards an unknown destination, the presence of my 2 police escorts and villagers forced them to take me to the Police Area Command at Auchi. Only the three uniformed policemen who are his escorts went to the police station while the nine thugs vanished into thin air, apparently to go and inform Adams that they had brought his hunted-down game to him. To corroborate the fact that he was the mastermind and the chief architect of the mayhem thus far visited on me, Adams came to the police station to taunt me for not supporting what he said my brother and friend (that is himself). And instead supporting Senator Osunbor who is an Esan man and whom he called a stranger. I accused him of perfidy and murderous tendencies and we had a serious verbal altercation and abused each other thoroughly. The C.I.D. officers at the Area Command, Auchi being satisfied that nothing incriminating was found on me nor any illegality perpetuated by me and that the entire incident was a grand set-up by Adams Oshiomole to embarrass and humiliate me for not supporting him, asked me to go home in self recognizance. That is the madness of a failed politician and fake “defender” of citizens’ rights called Adams Oshiomole.





Chief Mike A. A. Ozekhome.

I have to say Trini girl hit the nail on the head. Many of us Nigerians run around quoting the verses in Malachi and others that talk about tithing (because that's what we've heard since childhood), but we never stop to really examine the context of the verses. The verses in Malachi about bringing all the tithes to the storehouse was speaking to the Levite priests (who were the only groups of priests) who were commanded to receive tithes -- not to the general congregation. Tithing is part of the Mosaic law from which we are free. If we want to be under the Mosaic law, even though Christ set us free from this, then why pick and chose the parts of the Mosaic law we'll follow?? Didn't the Mosaic law also command animal sacrifices? How come Pastors don't preach that?

Plus, why would the new testatament tell you to give as it pleases you in your heart, not out of compulsion, , yet at the same time compel you to give a tenth of your income as tithe. Unless we're saying God is a God of contradiction, it makes no sense. We are commanded to give cheerfully, and to give generously to the Lord and to the poor. If you can afford it, you should 10, 20, 30% or whatever to the church and to the poor , and do so cheerfully. However, if you can't afford it, you are not compelled to give 10% of your income.

Plus, there's a basic rules of finances that no matter how much you tithe, if you don't practice good finance, you won't be wealthy. period. You reap what you sow. Hence you see millionaires who know nothing about God and don't tithe (although these millionaires often give generously to the needy and do more for the poor than many self professing Christians). Being wealthy and tithing are two separate things, although one can influence the other. If you are investing your money, I beleive your faithfulness to God (with your money and your time) may encourage God to bless your investments more abundantly, than if you were simply investing with your own sense. But if you are not investing-- if all you do is tithe 10% of your money to a church-- and spend 80% and may be save 10%-- you simply won't be rich. You'll be living from pay check to pay check, irrespective of your tithing.

As to whether you should give to the church or the poor-- do both. The church needs your help to pay bills etc. (but the Church should stop forcing people to give by placing the yoke of tithing on their shoulders). The poor also need your help. Do both to the best of your abilities

remember when we were younger and our parents used to tell us that silence is the best answer to a fool? As one one of the carib ladies said, she is making some comments to get a reaction. So why don't we just ignore them and their comments?

Anyway sha, we no blame them. No be these yeye naija men wen put demselves for ground for dia women naim make dem dey get mouth? for the naija bobos, if una put unaselves like cloth wen don tear for ground, no vex if person match una for ground.

this must be the most ignorant thread i have ever come accross on this board. I don't always get along with Ghanaians (because the ones I met often want to play the Ghana is better than nigeria game). However, it is the stupidest thing for anyone to say that most Ghanaian women are not beautiful because they are seldom fair. How ignorant.

Ghanaian women -- particularly ashanti-- are some of the most beautiful women I know. They often have perfect black skin, nice bright and expressive eyes, and shapely bodies. Who equated beauty with fair skin. I'm embarrased that a Nigerian started this thread -- everyone knows beautiful women come in all shades.

Anyway, did anyone see the miss universe pageant this year? although miss ethiopia was the only african selected for the top 10, all the reviews i read agreed that Miss Ghana was the most beautiful African woman on the stage. Miss Nigeria did not even rank amongst the other African women.

I've seen very beautiful African women from all different countries, Ghana included.

GDP per capita is no longer $300. It's now $1400 -- according to the 2005 estimates.   See CIA worldfactbook.  If OBJ did nothing else, at least GDP per capita did improve under him -- from $300 8 years ago to $1400 now.

I don't understand all the arms up in the air about a husband giving a wife "allowance" in the modern century?  What's wrong with that?  I think it is a show of responsibility for a husband to give a wife "allowance" whther or not she is working, and whether or not she is financially dependent on him.  That's why he is the husband -- he is meant to provide for the family,including the wife.

The way my fiancee and I have planned our finances,  his money is for the upkeep of the family. His money goes in an account to which I also have access.  In our spending budget, we include an "allowance" for my personal upkeep that is given to me at the beginning of the year for t the entire year.  This amount is separate from any amount spent on the family, or for food or for children (we don't have kids yet though).  The "allowance" is solely for me (i.e, shopping, going to the spa, manicure,pedicure, hair salon, etc).  In addition, we have a joint credit card -- we both have a copy of the card.  The card is used for family expenses -- i.e, food, furniture, anything for the home goes on the card.  We have an agreement on what we can each spend on the card independently.  We consult each other for large purchase items.  Every month, he pays off the card from the account.

My fiancee is the higher earner. But I work and earn a high income as well -- but that's my money.  My fiancee does not ask after it, and does not ask me to contribute from it. I keep that money in my own separate account. It's my choice to work and my decision what to do with my money. As a (future)wife, it is not my responsibility to provide financially. So if i choose to work, it should not affect my husband's duty to provide financially for the home and to provide financially for me - whether in the form of allowance or not.
   
So naturally I save my salary(after deducting some additional spenging money).  I'm planning that when we buy a home soon, I'll surprise my fiancee and put down the downpayment from my personal account. 

Even though he provides financially for my needs, my fiancee can't act like a God over me, because he knows that i am quite capable of supporting a household on my own. So, giving a wife money for her personal upkeep is not necessarily degrading- it depends on the understanding the couple has.

Urhobo/Isoko/Effurun names-

- Ufuoma

- Ajiri or Ejiro

- Ese

- Ediri, Edinrin, Edirin or Odiri Odinrin Odirin

- Vona or Avona

- Rukevwe

- Rukeme

- Efemena (Efe for short)

- Ase

- Eniwo

- Oke

- Mamode or Emamode

- Elo

- Eloho

- Odesiri

- Emuesiri

- Afoke

I hate washing the bath! it's so tedious --it's like a workout to reach every corner! This is horrible for me because I like my bath to be sparkling white ALL the time -- so I end up having to clean the bath every other day. I don't mind cleaning the toilet -- it doesn't take that long and it's easy compared to cleaning the bath. Mopping, sweeping and vacuuming are all easy as well.

I also don't like doing laundry --it takes too long!

Amobi, please i never asked you, or any Nigerian man to go telling people to come and date from our culture. I was simply using the Kenyans as an example of how not to disrespect women from your ethnic group before outsiders. Likewise, just because I don't disprespect Naija men to non Nigerians does not mean I will encourage outsiders to date a Nigerian man. As you suggested, to each his own.

The example, was not to say that Kenyans are the best or not the best, or that we should encourage outsiders to date us or not -- but simply to say that when we talk about ourselves to others, we should respect what we say, because others are taking their cues from what we say.

By the way, in response to all those posts about nigerian women being sexually rigid -- there is aboslutely nothing wrong if a woman prefers not to be sexually loose before she marries (now if she marries, by all means, she she should be a freak in the bedroom!) I always revolt at the idea that in order to "catch a man" a woman has to give up sexually on his terms. Nope -- not if you don;t want to. I am a testatement of that. Being a good woman is a whole lot more than being sexually "free."

i';m getting married, at 24, and i didn't give up sex to my fiancee until we got engaged. most people said he would he would leave me (and yes, I lost a few men, some Nigerian, because of that). I won't lie, I too thought he would leave. But I knew that it is the husband God gives me that I want, not any other.

My fiancee is exactly what I wanted -- financially very secure (and yes, there's nothing wrong with wanting a man who is financially set, just make sure you're not materialistic); a Christian, very educated, loves me, and loves my country Nigeria.

This post is very similar to the ones I often see on African American boards. But there, the post is "Why are African American men attracted to white women." Invariably on those boards, the responses from the African American men would consist of insults and degradations of African American women and comments in favor of white women. I was always dissappointed and surprised to see that -- as I think it is shameful to find an ethnic group categorically dismissing their women. A nation never rises above its women.

Anyway, I am happy that on this website, most of the responses from men have not insulted Nigerian women. Some have insulted-- but many have not.

While people can have preferences, it is not okay to dismiss the women in your ethnic group, for whatever reason. I remember once, I was visiting Chicago and was having dinner with some doctoral students from Kenya, but educated in the United States, and some white American men. I was the only woman in the group. We started to discuss women and which group had the best women. Being a woman, I mostly listened to the conversation and did not say much. But what followed was an almost 15 minutes of praise of Kenyan women, by my three Kenyan friends. They said Kenyan women were the prettiest, the nicest, the most shapely, on and on. In fact they encouraged the white men to try dating a Kenyan sister. Do you think that Kenyans don't have issues with their women? Of course they do. But at least these three Kenyan men knew one thing -- you do not disrespect the women in the ethnic group that God placed you in to outsiders. Never. Vice versa -- Nigerian women must never disrespect Nigerian men to outsiders.

This is not to say we must marry each other ( i'm engaged to a Non- Nigerian) or that we must be attracted to each other. But a Nigerian man must not throw insults at Nigerian women to justify his preferences. If you like carribean women -- fine. If you find one that you love and want to marry -- congratulations! But please do not disrespect us to justify your preference -- it's cowardly. Plain and simple.

In response to the original post -- I visit London at least five times a year. My fiancee and I know several Nigerian couples there -- where a Nigerian man is married to a Nigerian women. so it is not categorial that all Nigerian men are attracted to carribean women. You should properly modify your question to more accurately say "why are some Nigerian men attracted to some carribean women."

If you correctly ask the question, the answer becomes apparent -- it is an issue of personal preference.

As someone stated, Nigeria is not party of G8-- so it is not a must that we are invited. I'm sure the G8 has an agenda they want to promote each time they meet, and different countries will be invited depending on their role in fulfilling that agenda.

In terms of importance to Africa though, Nigeria is key. Look at the roles we played in resolving the Sudanese and Liberian conflicts. South Africa played a role as well, but we certainly also played ours. And if for nothing else, our oil makes us important to the west. Afterall, who ever thought that some ijaw boys rioting in the delta could hit Americans in their pockets?

I was recently reading some articles on BBC. com about Africa, once again, starving to death. At the moment, almost half of the countries on the continent have a sizeable segment of their population on the brink of starvation because of a very poor harvest and extensive drought in some regions.

It seems as if year after year we see images of Africans thin as a broomstick with veins popping out of their skin starving to death. By the time the rest of the world realizes how bad the famine/drought is, hundreds of thousands sometimes millions are already dead. The world then responds with food aid and other charitable donations to help stabilize things for a few months (whether the aid actually gets to the people who need it is another story). Each year Africa receives food aid and each year there is a serious hunger problem on the continent. How do we break out of this cycle? Whose fault is it that every year the world is reminded just how desperately poor we are in Africa and how much we cannot take care of ourselves? Why for God's sake can we not feed ourselves? What are we doing when our children are dying for lack of ordinary food- we are not even talking about good food - just basic food to hold the stomach?

If you ask me, Africa's serious poverty issue is largely the result of selfish corrupt leaders who think of nobody but themselves, who never tire to fuel ethnic sentiments and incite people to pick up arms and kill each other while the rest of the world looks at us and shakes their heads. Rather than plan and strategize on how to effect sustainable agriculture so that we can at least feed our people, they steal and plunder the wealth of their various countries and amass houses and cars. All our corrupt leaders who have turned us into a continent of beggars should be lined up and shot one by one for each african child that has died from starvation or war.

It is frustrating that a conitinent so rich in resources is continually the pity of the world - We remain the only continent that has regressed not progressed in the past 20 years. I am not saying that every country in the continent is in shambles. There are stories of hope here and there (e.g Ghana). And of course not all of the continent is starving - I know Nigeria and several other countries was not identified as having a hunger or starvation problem.

But even those countries not starving still have serious poverty issues - Nigeria is identified as one of the lowest income countries in the world. It is a shame - a country rich in human and natural resources like Nigeria has no place amongst the world's poorest. I hope us Africans will get angry enough one day and oust our good for nothing leaders who have so woefully dissappointed and stolen from us and stifled the dreams of the African youth.

I typically date only french speaking African men from other West-African countries. I love Nigerian men, but from my experience, they have often been too pushy, too demanding, and wanting me to be more domestic than I am. Also, i think many of them have convinced themselves that we Naija girls are truly lonely, hence we will settle for any useless behavior they potray. Not so - there is lots for everyone to chose from in the United States. No need to settle.

Can you believe, I was introduced to this Delta guy three weeks ago through a colleague. The guy and i spoke over the phone. For the entire coversation he bragged about himself and about being a nurse (); and about his supposedly famous brother somewhere in Nigeria and his family name. He did not ask me one question about myself. Then at the end of the convo, he said, "get a pen let me give you my number." I kindly told him not to be so presumptuos and reminded him that before he gave me his number he should ask me if I wanted it. The only explanation I have for his behavior is that he must have thought i was desperate to find a Nigerian guy, hence to him, it was more important that i learn about him.

There are, however, great, well educated, and proper Nigerian guys out here. Many, not all, of such guys opt for white women or African American girls. Which is fine, you can't fault a person for liking what he likes. many others are simply arrogant. My experience, has been, however, that the educated and proper African men from other french speaking African countries have appreciated me for who I am and I have generally just found it easier to get along with them.

By the way, I have a lot of Nigerian girlfriends who are not lonely at all. They appear to be even busier than I am with men - and I think I have my hands full.

I think a lot of us naija girls limit ourselves and beleive we must date/marry Nigerian guy. I don't think so at all ( i think it would be nice to marry one if i find one that i am compatible with, but it is not necessary). A girl's prince charming can come in any color and be from any background!

Ludwic,

the girl's profile did say she was looking for friendship and not romance. When you told her you liked her, she reminded you that she just wanted to be friends. What other explanation do you need? Take the lady at her word.

I don't know where this impression that lawyers lie in order to represent their clients comes from. I am soon to be licensed as an attorney in the U.S., and I can tell you that since the first day I entered law school to the days I worked as an intern at the public defender's office to now that I am an associate at a big law firm, the importance of adhering to an ethical code of conduct has been ingrained in me and now guides my practice.

In order to be licensed in any U.S jurisdiction an attorney has to take a professional ethics exam that is separate from the bar exam. In addition, one of the most tested areas in the bar exam (at least in CA's bar exam) is an professional responsibility. Not only is lying wrong, an attorney can be disbarred, subject to monetary sanctions, and sued for malpractice for telling alie. A lawyer has an absolute professional duty not to knowingly tell a lie to his client, the court, the jury, or to anyone in his or her professional capacity. A lawyer has a duty to not take a case if taking the case means the lawyer has to lie in order to win for the client.

Now this does not mean that an attorney cannot zealosuly represent his/her client. First, there are two sides to every story. An attoreny has a duty to tell his client's story in the best possible light. So an attorney may carefuly select the facts to present about his clients so that his client's story is sympathetic to the court or jury, but cannot change the facts or misrepresent the facts. An attorney cannot profess that his client is innocent or anything along those lines that can be construed as a lie. Rather, the attorney professes that the other side has not met their burden of proof or has not established a case against his client. This is not saying my client did not do it. it is is saying, whether or not my client did it, the court of law requires the other side to prove their case against my client.

Additionally, beleive it or not, there are tons of lawyers that are not litigators (court or trial lawyers) and are thus not always in an aderversarial role. transactional lawyers and the like have no incentive to lie because they must coorporate with the other and be on the same level with them in order to close a deal. And if a lawyer does not close a deal for his client, he does not get return business. So, the deals or transactional lawyer (i.e, corporate lawyer) has a strong incentive to be fair.

forgive the spelling and grammatical errors, i typed this in a hurry. I'm off to my lunch break!

P.S, a very interesting post, will show it to my colleagues at the law firm for their insight!