₦airaland Forum

(11) A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a martinus. “You mean a martini?” the bartender asks. The Roman replies, “If I wanted a double, I would have asked for it!”

(11) A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a martinus. “You mean a martini?” the bartender asks. The Roman replies, “If I wanted a double, I would have asked for it!”

Enoquin:
Apart from 1, i get the remaining Those who are always 'heheheing' must have had doses of helium


Of course, but you said that before the before


Hehe...oops!

A plumber would say- ‘you-niun-ized’ ,whereas a chemist would say- ‘un-ayon-ized’ (un-ionized) . Gettit? Gettit??

(10) There’s a band called 1023MB. They haven’t had any gigs yet though

(9) . I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium got together and I was like.. ..”OMg”

(8
The statement below is true. The
statement above is false

(7) I would make another chemistry joke but all good ones ARGON!

Koolmexxi:
@OP, ur first 4 jokes would only be understood by people who've got a background in science and chemistry in particular... Does dat make a non-science oriented individual an unintellectual person??

No, everyone has a field of study.

(6) A hyperbole is an exaggerated claim. No, really, realllllllllllyyyyy exaggerated. I mean, like, the most exaggerated thing in the history of ever!!

okpamson15:
I hope u say 19

I will stop at 19..just keep calm

(5)
As I said before, I never repeat myself.

(4) What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium? “HeHe”

(3) Two chemists go into a restaurant. The first one says “I think I’ll have an H2O.” The second one says “I think I’ll have an H2O too”






N.B. the second one asked for H2O2 which is hydrogen peroxide

(2) Helium walks into a bar, The bar tender says “We don’t serve noble gases in here.” Helium doesn’t react.

Apparently, intellectuals do not find dumb jokes hilarious
or interesting (or perhaps that is just what they say and
don’t mean). But what about the not so intellectual ones? If
you are one of the non-intellectuals but totally get the jokes
of the big brains, then great enough. But if you don’t, then
good luck figuring out the logic hidden in the following listed
jokes of the smarties.


These may have you scratch your head a little but once you
figure the joke,you will laugh


(1)
How can you tell the difference between a
chemist and a plumber?
Ask them to pronounce “unionized.”










N.B. A plumber would say- ‘you-niun-ized’ ,whereas a chemist
would say- ‘un-ayon-ized’. Gettit? Gettit??

.

Ogbonnaya Onu (born 1 December 1951) was the first
Executive Governor of Abia State , Nigeria from February
1992 to December 1993. He was the National
Chairman of the All Nigeria Peoples Party (ANPP).,
until its amalgamation with other Nigerian opposition
parties in February 2013 resulted in the creation of the All
Progressives Congress .


A BRIEF PROFILE OF DR. OGBONNAYA ONU
Dr. Ogbonnaya Onu was born on December 1, 1951, to
the family of His Royal Highness, Late Eze David Aba
Onu, Eze Adu of Uburu in Ohaozara Local Government
Area of Ebonyi State in Nigeria.
He obtained grade one with distinction in his West
African School Certificate examination at Izzi High
School, Abakaliki, Ebonyi State. Dr Onu also obtained
distinctions in Physics and Chemistry at the Higher
School Certificate examination at the College of
Immaculate Conception, CIC, Enugu, graduating as the
best overall student. By 1976, he graduated with a first
class honours degree in Chemical Engineering at the
University of Lagos. He later obtained his Doctor of
Philosophy degree in Chemical Engineering (without
passing through a Masters degree) at the reputable
University of California, Berkeley, California, USA, in 1980,
where he did extensive work on coal liquefaction and
production of synthetic fuels under mild conditions. He
showed that it was possible under relatively mild
conditions to produce synthetic fuels comparable with
crude oil.
While in the University of California, Berkeley, Dr. Onu
was the President of the African Students Union; Member,
Graduate Assembly of the University of California at
Berkeley and also President of the Nigerian Association of
Northern California, Inc. Back home, he served as
President General of his alma-mater, Izzi High School,
Abakaliki, Old Boys Association.
Coming out of higher school, Dr. Onu taught at St.
Augustine’s Seminary, Ezzamgbo, Ebonyi State. After
completing his doctoral studies in the USA, he returned to
Nigeria at the time when many others in his situation
preferred to stay back. On coming back from overseas,
he taught at the University of Port Harcourt as the
pioneer Head of the Department of Chemical Engineering.
On several occasions, he served as Acting Dean of the
University’s Faculty of Engineering and was also elected
as a Member of the Governing Council of the university.
As a pioneer staff in the Faculty of Engineering and the
first Head of the Department of Chemical Engineering, he
helped nurture the department from scratch to a position
of repute. As a member of the Governing Council of the
University, he worked with others to provide leadership in
its search for excellence.
While in Port Harcourt, he became President of the
Rotary Club of Port Harcourt and the Chairman of the
Nigerian Society of Chemical Engineers of old Rivers,
Cross River and Akwa Ibom States’ Chapter. Dr. Onu was
the pioneer National President of the Raw Materials
Society of Nigeria. The Raw Materials Society of Nigeria,
RMSN, with the sole aim of encouraging Nigerians to look
inwards in the sourcing and utilization of raw materials,
played a very important role in the establishment of the
Raw Materials Research and Development Council,
RMRDC, by the Federal Government. He served as a
member of the First Board of Governors of the Federal
Government Raw Materials Research and Development
Council. By the establishment of the RMRDC, there was
no longer any need for the RMSN to continue to exist
since both of them had the same function.
Dr. Onu is a Fellow of the Nigerian Society of Chemical
Engineers, Fellow of the Nigerian Society of Engineers
and Fellow of the Nigerian Academy of Engineering. He
was also one of the longest served Directors of the
Nigeria Cement Company, Nigercem, Nkalagu, Ebonyi
State. He was the Visitor of Abia State University, Uturu.
In 1991, Dr. Onu was elected the first Governor of old
Abia State. He was the first Chairman, Conference of
Nigerian elected Governors. During his eventful tenure as
Governor, he emphasized the use of technology as an
important instrument for national development by starting
the processes for the establishment of a Technology
Village, as well as introducing computers into selected
public schools. He introduced the Free Maternal Health
Care Programme which enabled poor pregnant women to
receive free healthcare services as a measure to reduce
death during pregnancy and childbirth. Security of lives
and property were considerably enhanced such that
within a single year, the Abia State Police Command
received two letters of commendation from the Inspector
General of Police.
Dr. Onu is a resolute believer in Nigeria’s unity as an
instrument for national integration and development. As
Governor, he abolished the State of Origin Syndrome in
Abia State and led the way in appointing non-indigenes of
the State into top positions of responsibility in his
Administration.
Using the Abia Dream as a philosophy to mobilize the
people of the State to achieve excellence in all spheres of
human endeavour, Dr. Onu founded the Abia State
Polytechnic at Aba. He also established the College of
Technical Education in Arochukwu and attracted the
Michael Okpara Federal University of Agriculture at
Umudike, near Umuahia. In addition, Dr. Onu established
the Broadcasting Corporation of Abia State as well as the
National Ambassador Newspapers, which then won
several awards as the best State owned Newspaper in
Nigeria. As a God fearing leader, he christened Abia
“God’s Own State” and symbolized his noble dream for
the State by building the ‘Abia Tower of Peace’.
In 1999, he emerged the first Presidential Flagbearer of
the then All Peoples Party, APP, which was later known
as the All Nigeria Peoples Party, ANPP. A true democrat
and committed party loyalist, Dr. Onu demonstrated rare
political discipline and consistency, by remaining one of
the very few founding leaders of the opposition ANPP
who remained in the party since its inception in 1998 until
it merged into a new political party in 2013.
Little wonder, his fellow party men and women in
September 2010, in recognition of his rare political fidelity
and exemplary commitment to the party’s ideals, elected
him their National Chairman. As the Head of the leading
opposition political party, he was the Leader of Opposition
in the country.
Just within a period of two years in office, he united the
Party and repositioned it for future electoral victory. Dr.
Onu upheld internal democracy, adhered strictly to the
Constitution of the Party and also introduced reforms in
the ANPP. He initiated both a revised Manifesto and
Constitution for the Party. Through thoughtful and
fearless comments on issues of national importance, Dr.
Onu restored the lost glory of the ANPP to become a
credible opposition Party in Nigeria. A man of ideas, he
worked on ways of positioning the ANPP to lead Nigeria
into issue-based and ideas-driven politics.
In 2010, as National Chairman of the defunct ANPP, he
initiated discussions with the leadership of the defunct
Action Congress of Nigeria {ACN} on how all the major
opposition political parties could work together to effect
change in the politics of the country. Later he also
initiated meetings with the National Chairmen of all major
opposition political parties. All these efforts and many
others, finally resulted in the merger of the Action
Congress of Nigeria (ACN), All Nigeria Peoples Party
(ANPP), Congress for Progressive Change, (CPC), and
groups from the All Progressive Grand Alliance (APGA),
and the Democratic Peoples Party (DPP). Hence on July
31, 2013, the All Progressives Congress (APC), came into
existence. Dr. Onu and other party leaders willingly gave
up their positions as INEC withdrew the registration of
ACN, ANPP and CPC. On November 26, 2013, the new
PDP, broke away from the ruling political party and joined
the APC. This helped make the APC, the largest
opposition political party in the history of the country. He
is presently appointed as the Secretary to the Federal
Government under President Buhari Government. For
over two decades, Dr. Onu delivered thought provoking
lectures on different contemporary issues of national and
global importance both within and outside the country.
Some of the lectures include; “Nigerians should not allow
one party rule” at the ANPP National Assembly Caucus,
National Assembly Complex, Abuja; “Upon this Rock will
Nigeria Arise” Special Session of the Kano State House of
Assembly; “It is time to stand for Something” , Special
Session of the Lagos State House of Assembly and “The
fist as symbol of strength” , Special Session of the Benue
State House of Assembly.
Others are “Taking Nigerians for granted” , Special
Session of the Yobe State House of Assembly; “The
Eagles Flight in the Global Village” , Special Session of the
Kebbi State House of Assembly and “The relevance of
Opposition Parties in deepening democracy in Africa" ,
Maiden Republic Day lecture, Ghana National Union of
Polytechnic Students, Accra.
Honoured with several awards and recognitions both
within and outside Nigeria, Dr. Onu is The 2004 Man of
the Year of the reputable American Biographical Institute.
He was honoured with the Governor of the Year (1992)
Award and also the Star Governor (1993) Award. He is a
recipient of the Kwame Nkrumah Leadership Award
2011/2012 by the West African Students Union
Parliament and also the University of Lagos Golden
Jubilee Distinguished Alumni Award.
He is an honorary citizen of many cities in the world, in
addition to the State of Texas in the United States of
America. Dr. Onu also holds many traditional chieftaincy
titles, notably: Ikeoha Uburu, Dike-Eji-Eme-Udo of
Eastern States, Akajiugo Nnewi, Ogbuagu Abiriba,
Ugochinyere Umuahia, Ozurumba Orlu, Odiukonamba
Eziudo Mbaise, Dikeora Abagana, Ikemba Afikpo. He is
also the Togbe Kwami Vidza of Kpando District, Ghana.
Dr. Onu is a member of the ancient and noble order of
the Knights of St. John International (KSJ).
He is the author of many books, notably: “Technology
and National Development”, “Building a Modern Nigeria”
and “A Footprint: Memoirs of a Chief Servant”.
A fine statesman, brilliant scholar, outstanding
intellectual, accomplished administrator, prolific author
and poet, a man of great ideas and inventions as well as a
distinguished man of exceptional principle and exemplary
character. He is married to Dr. (Mrs) Chinyere Onu, with
children.

Marriage is a bed of roses. To get the beautiful rose, you
will have to put your hands through thorns on the stem.


Marriage is sacred and should be protected by both parties. Your ability
to meander through the thorny stems to get the beautiful
rose is what will determine how far your marriage will go.


Here are the top 5 marriage killers.


LACK OF TRUST: This creates a hedge in the wall of your
marriage. Though trust is earned, you should always give
your spouse the benefit of the doubt.


LACK OF COMMUNICATION: Communication is a two way
process. When you do not listen attentively to your spouse,
you break that link. When communicating with your spouse,
you must understand that any little body language can
disrupt the process. You are required to hear each other out
without interrupting or using abusive words.


UNTIDYNESS: if you do not take care of your personal
hygiene, you will create a distance between you and your
spouse. Personal hygiene is very vital to enjoying sex.


LACK OF GOOD SEX: Sex has been down-played in most
marriages, as a result of ignorance. Even your holy book
encourages couples to enjoy sex. You are meant to enjoy
sex with your spouse-Good sex. Good sex is when both of
you share your sexual preferences and expectation without
being shy. You can try to reach a compromise. Good sex
eases communication tension.


MONEY: Finances play a crucial role in every family. Couples
have to plan and manage money together. Do not hide your
income and expenditures from each other. Have a family
savings account.




SOURCE : pulse.ng/relationships/marriage-success-tips-5-things-that-can-destroy-your-home-id3612449.html

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if your dreams don't scare you, they are not big enough... #dreambig

Big House, Small Family.

More Degrees ,Less Common Sense.

Advanced Medicine, Poor Health.

Touched Moon, Neighbors Unknown .

High Income, Less peace of Mind .

High IQ ,Less Emotions.

Good Knowledge, Less Wisdom .

Number of affairs, No true love.

Lot of friends on Facebook, No best friends.

More alcohol , Less water.

Lots of Human, Less Humanity.

Costly Watches, But No time.

add yours pals....

.

Last

..

Plus

More

Cont'd

Contd

Why study when you already got all the answers??

Albert Einstein’s was estimated at 160,
Madonna’s is 140, and John F. Kennedy’s was
only 119, but as it turns out, your IQ score pales
in comparison with your EQ, MQ, and BQ scores
when it comes to predicting your success and
professional achievement.
IQ tests are used as an indicator of logical
reasoning ability and technical intelligence. A
high IQ is often a prerequisite for rising to the
top ranks of business today. It is necessary, but
it is not adequate to predict executive
competence and corporate success. By itself, a
high IQ does not guarantee that you will stand
out and rise above everyone else.

Research carried out by the Carnegie Institute of
Technology shows that 85 percent of your
financial success is due to skills in “human
engineering,” your personality and ability to
communicate, negotiate, and lead. Shockingly,
only 15 percent is due to technical knowledge.
Additionally, Nobel Prize winning Israeli-
American psychologist, Daniel Kahneman, found
that people would rather do business with a
person they like and trust rather than someone
they don’t, even if the likeable person is
offering a lower quality product or service at a
higher price.

With this in mind, instead of exclusively
focusing on your conventional intelligence
quotient, you should make an investment in
strengthening your EQ (Emotional Intelligence),
MQ (Moral Intelligence), and BQ (Body
Intelligence). These concepts may be elusive and
difficult to measure, but their significance is far
greater than IQ.

****Emotional Intelligence
EQ is the most well known of the three, and in
brief it is about: being aware of your own
feelings and those of others, regulating these
feelings in yourself and others, using emotions
that are appropriate to the situation, self-
motivation, and building relationships.

***Top Tip for Improvement: First, become aware
of your inner dialogue. It helps to keep a journal
of what thoughts fill your mind during the day.
Stress can be a huge killer of emotional
intelligence, so you also need to develop healthy
coping techniques that can effectively and
quickly reduce stress in a volatile situation.

******Moral Intelligence
MQ directly follows EQ as it deals with your
integrity, responsibility, sympathy, and
forgiveness. The way you treat yourself is the
way other people will treat you. Keeping
commitments, maintaining your integrity, and
being honest are crucial to moral intelligence.

***Top Tip for Improvement: Make fewer excuses
and take responsibility for your actions. Avoid
little white lies. Show sympathy and
communicate respect to others. Practice
acceptance and show tolerance of other people’s
shortcomings. Forgiveness is not just about how
we relate to others; it’s also how you relate to
and feel about yourself.

*****Body Intelligence
Lastly, there is your BQ, or body intelligence,
which reflects what you know about your body,
how you feel about it, and take care of it. Your
body is constantly telling you things; are you
listening to the signals or ignoring them? Are
you eating energy-giving or energy-draining
foods on a daily basis? Are you getting enough
rest? Do you exercise and take care of your
body? It may seem like these matters are
unrelated to business performance, but your
body intelligence absolutely affects your work
because it largely determines your feelings,
thoughts, self-confidence, state of mind, and
energy level.

***Top Tip For Improvement: At least once a day,
listen to the messages your body is sending you
about your health. Actively monitor these signals
instead of going on autopilot. Good nutrition,
regular exercise, and adequate rest are all key
aspects of having a high BQ. Monitoring your
weight, practicing moderation with alcohol, and
making sure you have down time can
dramatically benefit the functioning of your
brain and the way you perform at work.

****What You Really Need To Succeed
It doesn’t matter if you did not receive the best
academic training from a top university. A
person with less education who has fully
developed their EQ, MQ, and BQ can be far
more successful than a person with an
impressive education who falls short in these
other categories.

Yes, it is certainly good to be an intelligent,
rational thinker and have a high IQ; this is an
important asset. But you must realize that it is
not enough. Your IQ will help you personally,
but EQ, MQ, and BQ will benefit everyone
around you as well. If you can master the
complexities of these unique and often under-
rated forms of intelligence, research tells us you
will achieve greater success and be regarded as
more professionally competent and capable.

www.forbes.com/sites/keldjensen/2012/04/12/intelligence-is-overrated-what-you-really-need-to-succeed/

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