Obviously cooking is a deal breaker for you. Either help her learn or make a clean break now. No reason to string her along. But why was it necessary for you to indicate her virginity? Is their a correlation between virginity and cooking skills? Serious question o.

But did you ask us before you did the deed? No sir. Did you know you had a relationship before you decided to get in bed with her? Yes, indeed. For every action their is a reaction. You, my friend, need to figure out how to handle this reaction. I wish you good luck! Perhaps it is meant to be?

Is that something she needs to know? I wonder. I don't know the dynamics of your relationship though. I think you would know best how to handle it. Worse comes to worst, give a ballpark, I suppose.

Adeinfo:
Me and this girl are in the same school... we became friends... and I informed her of my intention... she agreed, but she did not know that I know her ex and she is still communicating with her.... I suspect she is playing me... cos I try to always be with her.... but she always decline.... this week at school she was trying to get my attention cos I did not talk to her... she was by all means trying to make me notice her.... she was flirting with other guys. I was not bothered. I discovered she was not happy because I was not moved at all. I love her, but can't tolerate her actions.. what should I do?

This sounds like some teenage type romance. Abeg, both of you should just mind your studies. Out here playing mind games...

Keketu:
[/b] i must confess im one of the freshest dude in my faculty and i can easily woo any girl but my problem is REJECTION , the will always say no, although i have crushes but they too will reject.. im feed up,

Modify- pic now in down[b/b]

Grammar could be a reason but most likely it's the over-inflated ego.

Awww. So sorry to hear. You will have to chuck it up to a life experience. A woman that will do that to you, is probably dangerous for your life anyway. You escaped at the right time. You'll meet someone better along the way. Try to avoid confrontations like that in the future. If the girl is entertaining the guy, she was not committed to you in the first place. Better to find out now than in the future. If you are in a similar situation in the future, handle it in a level headed manner. You lose more as you lose your temper. The macho thing is hardly cute in real life

Nice! blessings to them

But charley boy dress pass him in his days. he is married with children. I say leave them alone to figure out their lives.

Shocker! Not.

15 Claims Of Nairaland Ladies: My responses (Oh, don't worry, you don't need to agree or disagree. My truth is mine with or without your approval)

1. I'm a Virgin
I am and it does not make me more saintly than the person that chooses to have sex outside of marriage. Virginity is one thing, purity is another. There is a lot of confusion about that on this forum. I don't care to hear bout how you've kept your virginity, talk to me about how you're staying pure in a world that's saturated with lust. That is the real challenge.


2.. I Cannot Woo A Guy
Why not? If you are both enjoying each other's company, why not state the obvious? What I do not support is chase after every guy that so much as says hello to you. That is a sign of madness. Also, don't be desprate. Desperation smells bad to both men and women.

3. No guy can dump me
Why not? Guys dump girls all the time and vice versa. No one is dump proof, some people just dey form.

4. I don't ask guys for money
I don't. Personal preference. I thank my parents for instilling the value of money and how much better it is to make your own than to depend on other. I really have a complex against people being able to say it is because of them that I am able to achieve this or that. Turns my stomach. I can't speak for the next woman though.

5. Is Sex Love ?
Sex is not love. Sex is often confused with love. If you choose to do it, while confusing it with love, just be prepared to pick up the pieces when things fall apart. If you are mature enough to decide to have sex, you must be mature enough for all it comes with.

6. I don't reply Pms
Well that's silly. It is rude to not respond to people's messages. Even if you are not interested. Say your hi and bye.

7. My Husband Owns My Virginity
That's also silly. You own your virginity and have the freedom to give it to whomever you want. It would behoove you to not gift it to someone who will misuse it but it is yours, not anyone else's

8. Guys Bash ladies so much
Overgeneralization. There are women out there whose behavior make me cringe. Equally there are guys whose behavior is horrendous. NL is famous for putting everyone in the extremes of extremes category. All women dig for gold. All man beat their woman. Seriously, stop.

9. I'm only here to catch fun
As someone who prefers to laugh, I get a good percentage of my laughs from NL. There are some funny people here. You get to learn a lot about the mindset of this generation. It's kind of like church. Everyone is there for different reasons, but to each its own.

10. I'm Not A Boring Lady
LOL. If the conversation is not stimulating, I would definitely not have a lot to say. If it tickles my curiosity, i won't be able to shut up.


11. I Cannot Date A Broke Guy
I cannot date a lazy guy. In whose house are you going to be doing nothing? When I'm out there working and meeting my goals. We both have to have ambitions or the world will pass us by. Ma koja mi olugbala! Broke today is not equal to broke tomorrow but a lazy man today will very likely be lazy tomorrow.

12. A Mature Man Sees Beyond What A Lady Has Under Her Skirt
A mature man acknowledges his physical attraction while being committed to other aspects of the lady's life.

13. Nairaland Guys Are Not Caring
Thanks but no thanks on washing undies. I can definitely handle that by myself. Care in other ways

14. Nairaland guys love sex so much
Guys and girls think about sex just about the same but man, guys never shut up about sex though. You all just have to voice it. It is funny.


15. I'm A Wife Material
I see a lot of NL guys, spewing misogyny, thinking they are husband material too. I say both groups need to do better and be honest about their imperfections.


My final 2 cents: Guys and girls seem frustrated on this site because each group keeps trying to present the worst version of the other. My recommendation? Get off the net and go in search of that woman/man that defies all your stereotypes. Then accept them flaws and all. Life is truly not this serious. You are also far from perfect. Relax.

TristanReveur:


Err...You sure you ain't a white chick?

Or I am just a sensible person. I live my life with the consciousness of what I can bring to the table, not what other people must do for me. It is very unfortunate that most people have this idea that all women are just about the take take.

I can't tell you what to do here because at the end of the day you need to make a decision you can have peace with. However, I want you to start managing your expectations around outcomes of telling or not telling.

If you tell, do so risking rejection. We are all humans, flesh beings. While God is in the business of forgiving and forgetting, humans can forgive but the forgetting part is difficult, unless they get amnesia. It is very difficult to unsee/unhear things. This secret could be too much for him and he has a right to leave if he can't handle it. (As you would too if he told you a heavy secret).

If you don't tell, do so risking future exposure. There is nothing hidden under the sun. The truth always manages to come out. Truth just has its own way of not staying secret forever. For him to find out in the future, he will feel betrayal, in addition to all other feelings attached to your secret. You still risk rejection at this point and collateral damages are far greater (children, and businesses could be involved at this point)


So you have a big decision to make. Either way, you have a huge feat ahead of you. The choice is yours.

Bleh

Nairaland pals, I salute you for your never ending lists.

Bruh, you went through her phone though? Surprised no one is even addressing that invasion of privacy.

I prefer that each person pays for their meals at the getting to know you stage. When guys pay, they think they have already paid bride price and start demanding things. If our relationship actually moves further we will discuss how we want to pay for things when we go out. A nice split of financial responsibilities seem fair to me.

But hey, that's just me

I know your friend might think the boss is her biggest problem but actually her husband is. Any man that respects his wife would know how much grieve this behavior would cause her. He wants to make money at all cost. She better get wise and get her matrimonial home together before the dabarus enter.

OliverQuinny:
Is it compulsory to marry a lady cos shez preg? My heart is not in sync with my decision.

Put her in your sister's shoe. You have to take responsibility somehow. If that means marriage to both of you, then that. Just don't let the child suffer because you both decided to not take pregnancy precautions.

OliverQuinny:
We broke up cos we were also having arguements, and the moment I quit the job, it was kinda the "right time for her to strike". She explained why she acted that way though, said she wasnt mature enuff and dat she was just a baby then. I have since forgiven her, but my mind woudnt stop flashing back and am worried especially now that am considering marriage.

I am told no one is ever 100% sure when they get married but one should not be this uncertain. I think you both need to talk about your hesitations. I also get the sense that if she was not preggo, you would just want to continue to chop the thing without considering marriage.

You are back! It actually bring me joy to see you create another thread. I cannot get enough of you distorted reality. Hahahahaha. Gbowo e! Oshey!

This is no different from saying "I am driver. My boss told me to get the car ready for a trip. What does it mean?"

Silliness.

*In my chigul voice* don't be a weiste. Move on. How much cheating must happen before you wise up? If the story truly happened like so, wake up from thy slumber.

Why did you not remember how much she hurt you when you were carrying out the deal? Pikin don enter matter now. I strongly believe you need to actually talk out the issues that led to your intial break up. If she really left you because money no dey flow, that is a huge problem IMO. If both of you cannot fully resolve that, you will go into a marriage where you are already skeptical, hesitant and suspicious of her intentions.

I hope it all goes well.

oshaosha2014:


We are not the same, madam. A woman will do well in a marriage by conforming to the ways of her hubby(you wouldn't want a marriage where two pple are making the final decisions). And the husband, as u rightly said, shld love his wife as Christ loved the church and gave His life for it. As Christ is the head of the man so is the man the head of his wife, by extension, his children too. Christ expects us to follow His every directive, the same goes for the man in his family. The man is the ultimate authority in his home. Two pple don't occupy that position. And the man being a reasonable and God fearing man, loves his wife to a fault.

You don't need to marry a Nigerian man. There are women who want them that way - not stripping away what makes them men because you don't like it. Go marry those men in the western countries where there laws have turned them to second class to their women.

See that is the problem right there. When men are go into marriage thinking "my wife must conform to my ways since I am the head" the marrriage becomes a dangerous and toxic place for the woman and the children. Why? The moment she does not do things his way, she will reap a consequences as determined by the man. This takes responsibility away from the husband and alas it is the woman's fault. We quickly forget that both entities come from different backgrounds so they will share differences and both must be committed to working out the best way for the differences to not clash. It does not make him less of a leader to acknowledge that, yes I do get to make the final decisions in the home but my opinions and ideologies are not the only ones that matter. You are quick to pounce in saying giving this respect to your wife is a western thing. No my friend, it is a Christ like behavior to do so. Now will there be times the husband will still make a decision that does not sit well with the wife, of course. However it is much easier to accept that when you know that both parties have actually weighed the options together.
Women's minds truly needs to be transformed from this "less than" mentality. Your voice matters in your marriage. You deserve to be heard and respected while still honoring your husband. Your children will either thank you or curse at you for the kind of atmosphere you raise them in.

@Poster, sorry to say sweet heart but you did provoke him. I think he was wrong for hitting you however you did push him to that limit. Obviously there is tension between you two that needs to be resolved. I am not sure what it is that you and your hubby were quarreling about but your leaving it out tells me that you'd rather keep it private. whether it is something that can be discussed or privately, it needs to be resolved and there must be some sort of agreement and communication btn you two in order for your marriage to work. Bottom line though, keep your hands to yourselves!

Since they have said you provoked him, I say the next tome he provokes you, throw a couple of slaps his way. Gahhh! Utter nonsense.
For a nation that is so obsessed with weddings, Nigeria has no clue about what a healthy marriage should look like. There are boundaries that should never be crossed by either party. Physical abuse is one of them. These are things that should have been discussed in marriage counseling.

oshaosha2014:
I think the poster still thinks they are still dating. This is marriage and you will still learn a lot of things about your partner that you have not seen before. Another thing I see again is the issue of age. I think you have not processed the husband-and-wife thing very well. That man- your husband is your head now, whether you are age mate or not, you have to respect and worship him. You have to conform to his ways not him conforming to you. I am sure if he was 5yrs or more older than you you would understand what am saying. I want to believe he is a good and reasonable husband. If that is so, why not submit urself to him, and not try to judge or equate or look for whose right and wrong, and see how he will look at you so tenderly and treat you like the woman you are. Stop looking for right and wrong, that is being too static- marriage is a dynamic institution.

So marriage is a wife conforming to the ways of the husband because the husband is the head? Father Lord, I am truly afraid of marrying a Nigerian man. This ideologies of my people sef.
A husband that wants to be treated like the head must love his wife like Christ loves the church. Last time I checked, Jesus does not condone domestic abuse.

If he slapped you over something like sex, biko when even more major life issues come, won't he throw punches?

Pray and be wise in how you handle the matter. It will determine the course of marriage. Please note that prayer is not a substitute for taking action.

A word is enough for the wise.

Basically, you want a woman that will blindly follow you and never challenge your opinions and choice. Sounds boring. How will you grow if all you get is praise and no criticism?
Man, you have not seen wicked village girls sha. They gbo 'gboro past some of this city girls. Stay there looking like boli and epa.
I hope you find a good one because it would suck to face the reality that your idea of village girls was all wrong.

We! We!! We!!! Where can I find this "we" that continue to speak rubbish on behalf of my gender? Speak for thyself. Don't count me into your silly games.

Robert Glasper Experiment - Black Radio

carmelion:
On a very special note,I want to acknowledge a very special set of dolls in the house.They re no other people than those sweet ladies who still have their virginity intact.please have a cup of ice cream on my behalf.

Be full of pride and guide what you have jealously and make sure you give it to the man who knows its worth.As we approach valentine Feb 14th,please be sensible,valentine doesn't mean sex,there re more sensible ways to celebrate it.

Is your boyfriend telling you to prove your love by opening your legs for him?My dear that guy is an enemy,yes that's what I said,a bid enemy at that.

Once you give it to him that's it,you have joined "others".Be wise.

Why do you keep referring to ladies as "dolls"? You are dehumanizing and objectifying them, forcing them to fit into your neatly created social constructs. Ugh!

ITbomb:
I will help you, son.

That reaction that you describe is because you are proposing a risky level in an already comfortable level. And most often, you are making the proposal in that same environment that you relate to her as a 'lovely friend'.
Many a guys vex when they see the girl opening her legs to a dude she just met a few days. This happens cos they guy has led her to her fantasy world and she has been swooned and before she realizes herself, the brother has taken his due and all that is left is for the girl to sing their favorite song, "ALL GUYS ARE THE SAME"..
2
Here is what to do.
Move out of the locality (even if it is a week)
When you are back, and you meet her first time, hug her real tight and tell her how you missed her.
Take her somewhere romantic (do not tell her that you are taking her to somewhere romantic, just say you wan take her out.
Make sure you are sitting side by side not that romantic opposite sitting you watch in the movies.
When you are there, during a very lively discussion, create a silence scene and look her well in the eyes. (start training in front of a mirror)
In the silence, (if she catch your eyes and ask what? Much better) hold her hands, and tell her that you enjoy this moment and you wish to be experiencing it with one special person in your life (yeah, that's the killer words that you ask for) and that person is her. (and some other stuff but don't speak too much, just little and confident)

Two things may happen, if she says she will think about it, force a date on her (like a gentleman) tell her that is alright with you that you will call her the next day by 6 to get her reply. (nothing melt them more than to meet a guy's deadline, you will be occupying their mind till the expected time.

But if she start talking about how you are a brother to her or that she has a bf, then you will need to buy my ebook, just 2k

Remember, for friendzoned peeps, it is not just saying the killer words, it is how and where you say them. And please don't try this on whatsapp, if you can't talk with a girl face to face then let some smarter dude do the job

Chei! See love playbook. Me sef I don fall just from reading. Naija men! Una dey try oo.