₦airaland Forum

Ramadan Kareem!!!

I Go Die OOO!!!! LFMAO!!!!!

Done my lot, wish him the best

sweetberry:
well anytime u in london d best nigeria restaurant 2 be is marble retaurant
in nigeria iya yusuf in ilorin kwara

You got me salivating. I remember Iya Yusuf from my days in Ilorin 97-99. I hope she is still soo good.

Sweet Sensation would be my choice in Lagos

Festac Town, Lagos

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh,
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh?
____________________________________________

And the best for last

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

:Fred and Mary got married but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go
back to
Fred's Mom and Dad's for their first night together.

In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his
breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks

his mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.

She replies, "No".



Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to
school."

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up
yet?"

She replies, "No."

Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go
back to
school."

After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary
up yet?"

His mom says, "No."

He asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "Ok, now tell me what you think?"

He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I
think I
gave him my super glue."

twisted:

How do you explain situations where Police engage Armed robbers in gunfire and the robbers don't die because they have some sort of bulletproof charms

How do you explain the OPC burning up police stations with eggs?

Voodoo exists and it is real

We all know that Martins is older than he claims.

The only problem I have with Cele is I am quite sure that he is also older than the age he is claiming.

Let he who has not sinned cast the first stone

Titanic
Speed
Shakespeare in Love

"The End" ni opin cinema

LMAO!!

Definitely Bollywood

Peugeot - All models (Made for Nigerian Roads)

Honda - 90's models , Avoid civics.

[size=24pt]AZADUS[/size]

Not into IT just the basic computer knowledge, Still waiting on your reply

Ibrahimovich was a much bigger flop than Ronaldinho

What happens when a woman slaps another woman??

Zidane is the best
Henry is just good




Portugal will take the day 2-1

Da white boy - Em

@Blackgirl,

I feel your pain. I have a friend who is in a situation quite similar to yours, he is very confused right now. I am going to forward your post to him and I am sure it would definitely help him thru his pain and confusion,

Anyone seen her videos? Heard its out.

Love her songs

Action-Comedy for me remains my favourite

Very Kool indeed

Can someone without any basic knowledge of networking apply

@Kitaun,