₦airaland Forum

Belief is everything, whatever you believe in is what will help you become a better person. Some people believe in herbs and it works for them, some believe in conventional drugs and it works for them.

People should respect other people's beliefs, as that is what gives them peace. Tolerance is very important to peaceful living

If it bothers you, let it go. People marry smokers, drinkers and drug abusers and they don't mind.

Avoid what you don't like. You have noticed a red flag, you better let it go now.

Some people enjoy having possessive and jealous lovers, they call it affection.

I run away from people who are too clingy. There is a very thin line between love and hate.

Everyone is capable of showing anyone pepper. Stay where you are celebrated.

Not every country is like Nigeria where charlatans walk around freely. I never considered that dude a pastor though.

Christianity is the only religion that charlatans walk around freely and are applauded. It's a pity.

I don't know how women are ridiculing men these days, making them act like fôõôls.

I've come to admit that truly, some men are simps. There is no other excuse for this recent foolishness of men joining women to post naked.

Stop giving nonentities attention. Not everyone is interested in the life of riff raffs.

It's the mumu man that is seated right by her that is the bigger dunce. Even when a woman doesn't have sense, it is the man's duty to think for both of them.

Every woman will deny you sex from time to time. Even if you have 2 side chicks whom you're footing their bill, you'll still not get sex on demand.

The only woman who will give sex on demand is a paid hooker. You may even get some disrespect and attitude sprinkled on top.

Don't marry for sex, marry for more important reasons. Sex will never always be available on a platter, even if you have 5 wives.

This is a miracle indeed. This is the definition of a miracle, not the type you buy brand new wheel chairs for people and tell them to claim they've been crippled from birth.

Meanwhile, an accident scene should be cordoned off. Allowing people around the scene is unprofessional.

TheTundeMuniru:
You still lack the skills to discern between fictional and nonfiction stories.

You're labeling my current life experience as fairy tale?

Wake up from your dream, son!

All the powerful native doctors and spiritualists can't come together and curse the people making this country miserable for everyone. Africans and their mentality!

I remember when I discovered nairaland in 2005. My favourite pastime was coming up with fairy tale stories to test my imagination and writing skills. You will learn eventually- look back and cringe.

When you wake up from this dream, make sure to inform us.

As it should be. Obaseki will soon realise how cold and lonely it is when you're not in power. From hero to zero so fast.

Mood swings indeed. They find a way to drop the mood swing when dealing with their bosses.

Be a loving but firm husband. Let your wife see you as approachable but also know that you are not to be toyed with.

Learn to go from 0 to100 in 5 seconds.

The poor will always be amongst you, says the bible. If you can, give them 1k to share, once a week.
It may look like one is enabling laziness, but trust me, these dudes could be really useful sometimes.

This is a fake story. Nobody is this foolish in 2024.

Sounds like a guy who's love is not reciprocated. I hope you're straight though?

I don't see why you should be bothered that a very busy man didn't check on you. Dudes don't really take such to heart.

These are the sick people you guys deem fit to vote into position.

Very dull people, always comparing America to Nigeria, but will never compare America's level of healthcare, security, social welfare package and other good things. Morons.

Onegai:
There's no such thing as "Marrying your own". What that means is that someone is doing the heavy lifting to keep your marriage working. And it doesn't sound like it's you, bros.

Nothing in Life comes easy. There's no job that is "a great fit" without stress. Your dream house? Well, it requires maintenance to continue being your dream house. Your investments? Same hard work. Your grades? If you like, select the course meant for you. If you don't study, you'll fail.

Everything in Life requires work. And sometimes it is 30% from you, 70% from her. Other times it is 60-40.

The mistake is to think because you're having problems, it means you're incompatible. Because if it were "your own", you won't have problems, bah?

Well, even your parents didn't always love you perfectly and vice versa. So how do you expect a marriage to function based on "na my own"?

I'm married.

I'm just tired of seeing people make that mistake and divorce based on "this is so hard, therefore it means we made a mistake".

My uncle is in his 70s and he admitted that if he had the emotional maturity he had now, his first marriage won't have collapsed. His 2nd wife is okay but hindsight is 20-20.

Someone I know is about to divorce his wife and so many elders have said he'll regret it. I'd never understood why but now I'm beginning to see. And I wish I could knock sense into him, because his wife is now ready to reconcile (even though it was mostly his fault), but he's stubbornly on his high horse.

Fixing a marriage is initially hard work but pays off long term. Starting afresh is initially easy work but omo (and it is very hard to leave 2nd marriages in Nigeria, as you don't want to be seen as the problem. So you'll stay and endure what you couldn't tolerate with your first wife/husband).

I've seen fixed marriages before, where both parties did the work. They're the best marriages. The problem is that in Nigeria, we don't fix, we just tell the woman to go back and endure in silence. Then she and the man hate and resent themselves till they die.

Fix your marriage, work on your flaws first. By your changing, she will change.

Nobody is doing any heavy lifting. If someone is doing a heavy lifting in marriage, that person is a slave in that relationship. Marriage is 50/50 and compromise.

All that talk of using money to buy loyalty and affection doesn't work. What happens when the man no longer has the zeal or funds to keep impressing the wife?

A good marriage is by luck, whether you like it or not. Most people are just enduring their marriage with no true happiness.

Onegai:
Bro, because you haven't started cheating, please let me share some tips.

She feels EXACTLY the same way you do, about you. Like if you dropped dead, she'd cry but also be relieved.

Now, you have 2 choices:

1. Blow up your marriage.

Seems easy but I swear to you, you'll regret it when you're older. Even if you do cheat and stay, she'll know. And I'm telling you as a woman, we can hold grudges till we die. If you want to be 65 and terrified of trusting a woman who has been angry for decades about your behaviour with your old age, pray continue like several other men.

2. Fix your marriage.

Sounds hard, but take my advice and in 6-9 months, you won't be on NL talking like this. You'll be grinning in delight, your wife will be your babe once again.

To achieve no.2, turn her into your side chick

You're the man, the marriage takes its temperature from you (even biblically it is so). Fill her emotional cup (it is empty, so she can't pour into you). Love her. How so?

- sit down and make a list of everything you are attracted to in a woman. Ask her to make the same for her ideal man. Exchange the lists. INTENTIONALITY.

- spend time and attention on her. If she watches kdrama, ask to watch one with her. Forreal. Kdrama has horror, suspense, political, love, marriage, thriller, action and sci-fi. Which means, you can actually watch something with her. Then make her watch your stuff with you. AFFECTION.

- date night: every weekend this December, find somewhere you and her will go to. I can give you tips sef. ATTENTION.

- send her a link to a men's wear vendor and ask her to pick what she likes you to wear. Then buy it and wear it. Now do the same for her. Down to perfume. Pay for her manicure and pedicure. Whatever you like, you lead by example. VALIDATION AND TRUST.

- every time you see a fine girl outside, text your wife. Tell her "I was just thinking of you". Chat her up. If she's on social media, it's because YOU DON'T TALK TO HER SO SHE'S LONELY IN YOUR MARRIAGE AND IS FINDING VALIDATION ONLINE. And there are several Balthazars in Nigeria (they just don't record it ). So be chatting your wife up, gossip, gist, funny jokes, se.xy talk. ATTENTION.

- Spend some money. Be it sexxx toys, lingerie, ankle chain (you'd be surprised what she likes). Books, whatever. AFFECTION

- Pray with her. Wake up and find a prayer on Pinterest, personalise it and send "Iremide, ....". LOVE AND CARE.

I had to cut off some of your advice as it was too long. I don't know if you're married or not, but trust me, if he has to go through that stress, then he married the wrong woman.

When you marry 'your own', you don't need all that work. I only wish people can experience what a beautiful marriage is. Anyways, it's not something you plan or strategize for, it just happens. Some call it favour, grace or luck.

If you're the next of kin, it means the entitlements will be paid to you. However, under the law, the whole entitlement isn't yours.

NIgerian native laws identity whom should take what. Some cultures exempt women etc but I don't think any culture specifically allocates all the estate to one person, especially when he has siblings.

Better share your inheritance fairly with your siblings in your own interest.

Is it every woman life is easy for? What of those market women who wake up at 4am everyday to go sell their wares and return by 7pm. Most with profit of less than 5k a day.

Few women do have privileges, especially pretty and young females but that is just a few out of the population.

There are many women whom men do not even look at. They have to struggle just like everyone else. Then again, there are also reasonable females who feel disgusted opening their legs for just anybody because of money. Not every female is a whoooré. Such respectable women need to work as hard as men to pay their bills.

Nothing should surprise anyone in life, especially things women do. Always know that since there are men addicted to alcohol, drugs, smoking,, sex etc, there is the female version of that man.

People are people, irrespective of their sex. I've seen married female bosses, preying on young male staff, just the way men do. I've seen young ladies, trying to get as much body count by approaching men for sex.

People are people. Our responsibility should be to always seek out people with good values, both male and female.

illicit:
Everyone has a phobia

Mine is androphobia, I fear other people

I am not scared of dead people or ghosts but living human being...

If you actually have this phobia, then you need therapy. People who actually have this phobia have a dysfunctional life.

You've actually mixed it up, it shows you don't understand what you're saying., you're trying to sound smart.

Androphobia is fear of men (the male gender) while anthropophobia is the fear of people.

If I didn't marry when I did, I probably wouldn't even find the strength to date again. Dating in current times is now so stressful and material based. I sympathise with the unmarried men, the pressure is just too much now.

When I was dating, which is over 10 years ago, the level of materialism wasn't this high, and social media was in it's infancy stage. Everything now is a mess. Anyone lucky to find a decent woman should hold her tight.

Diabetes isn't just about eating sugary foods. It is mostly inherited in the first place. Being overweight and inactive is also a big cause.

People who exercise and manage their weight and do not have diabetes in their lineage are likely not to have diabetes even if they consume sugar.

However, if you have diabetes in your lineage and avoid sugar, you still have a chance of having the disease. When it comes to diseases, inheritance is such a big factor, that's why elite athletes still get terminal diseases.

Cheating isn't really worth it, especially when you're married. The girl will always misbehave because she thinks she's doing you a favour. She knows all she'll get from the relationship is money and she'll bill you like mad. She'll always threaten to leave, especially if she's beautiful.

If you must cheat as a married man, get a mature girl who's in her 30's and has lost hope of marriage or a single mother. Those are the type that will be happy to have a man and will show some form of loyalty.

If you ask me, cheating is a waste of energy, money and emotions. It depletes you spiritually, physically, financially and emotionally. Avoid it!.

Who told this deluded fellow that his opinion mattered?

Missroyalluv:
Including your parents. Because they spent all they would have use to have better old age to train you. They're very important too. My opinion though

You're very right. Parents also, for those whom have theirs alive.

People will always take advantage of people whom make themselves available. Growing up, my mum had a very rich cousin whom everyone called stingy, because his priority was solely his immediate family. He occasionally helped people but they were not his priority.

As young as I was, I realised that his behaviour was right. Your immediate family are the only ones entitled to your money. Whatever you give others is charity and it's at your discretion.

Immediate family means, parents, spouse and kids in this context. Siblings and cousins will be fine. If it's not a life or death thing, they'll sort themselves out eventually.