YOU have just gone through the honeymoon
phase of your new relationship and the other
shoe’s about to drop. Find out how you can
navigate through arguments, spend some
time apart and communicate to keep your
bond strong. Most of all, learn how to make
sure problems don’t recur like a bad case of
athlete’s foot.
1- She doesn’t (fully) trust you
She suspects that you eye every female in view.
Why? Probably because you possess the sense
of sight and as such, you notice the opposite
sex. This, in turn, makes her jealous. While
she may be partly right, she’s mostly wrong.
Sure you look at women, but only casually and
briefly. After all, by checking out women,
your hardwired-by-evolution male brain is just
doing what it’s programmed to do. This
doesn’t mean you actually want to pursue
these women. Your lady needs to know and
understand this.
What to do:
Invite her out with your buddies and show her
that you only have eyes for her.
Another great way to show her that she’s
overreacting is to play the “do you think that
guy/girl is cute?” game and show her that it’s
natural to notice attractive people. By
making it an innocent act, you reduce this
human instinct to its most unthreatening
level.
2- You need more “alone” time
It can be tough to start separating yourself
from her after spending all your time
together. The passion is still
there, but you feel like she’s smothering you.
It’s time to spend some time apart.
How to convince her to spend time with her
friends, and more solutions
What to do:
Spend quality time with her but most
importantly, make it count. Don’t simply sit
on the couch and watch television together
because you’re too tired to do anything else.
Plan a formal date: take her to a restaurant
and then head to a lounge for cocktails. On
those nights when you don’t have plans and
she suggests getting together, tell her that you
need some alone time to chill out.
You can also encourage her to spend time
with her friends or take up a new hobby. This
will give you space and something to look
forward to when you do see her. And if her
new hobby happens to be watching football,
then all the better, right?
3- You fight constantly
When the tiniest disagreement becomes an
all-out war, it can put a serious damper on
your relationship. Sleeping on the couch is not
fun.
What to do:
Cut the argument short: is the topic really
worth arguing about? If it is, then try to
understand the problem from her point of
view. Listen actively and attentively. She may
be hinting at what frustrates her; don’t
ignore this information. Similarly, this is a
great opportunity to let her in on some of
your anger triggers. She’ll listen to what you
have to say and take it to heart.
4- You disagree about financial matters
If you live together, who pays for what? Do
you always foot the bill when you’re out? You
might think she’s taking advantage of you.
Find out.
In the long term, questions like these can pose
major obstacles in your lives. And more
disconcertingly, can cause lingering
resentment if you don’t get them ironed out
early on.
What to do:
If you live together, create a joint account for
shared expenses. Otherwise, go Dutch or take
turns footing the bill on nights out. Either
way, use these tools to restore some financial
equilibrium. It’s not just about good fiscal
planning; it may very well save your
relationship.
5- There’s no more romance
The spark seems to be gone and neither of you
takes the time to be romantic anymore. It’s
time to put some fire back into your s*x life.
What to do:
Organise a romantic evening at home or rent
a hotel room. Put some champagne on ice,
light a few candles, buy her some lingerie, and
turn into Don Juan. Be spontaneous. Another
great idea is to plan a weekend getaway to the
country or a spa resort, to reconnect.
6- You work too much
She thinks you spend too much time at work.
Could she be right? Do long nights at the
office or working on weekends sound
familiar? If so, rethink your work patterns
for the sake of your relationship.
What to do:
Increase your productivity at the office. Clear
a few evenings and spend time with her. Make
an effort to give her the attention she needs.
Try and organise your lunch hours to see each
other more during your workweek. If you work
close to each other, hop in the car and take
her out for lunch.
Fix your problems
Your relationship is a two-way street. Keep in
mind that if you are making sacrifices for
her sake, she needs to do the same. If not, you
need to consider whether this is someone you
really want to be with.
Remember; relationships require maintenance
and compromise. There will always be issues
that need to be resolved. But if you use these
problem-solving suggestions, you’ll have a
better chance of getting through the turmoil.
Plus, you’ll pre-empt the constant nagging
that you would have otherwise heard from
your girlfriend.