vanitty: Poster, from your write up, I sense that you are convinced that your way is the right way, why is that so? Anyway eventually if u coerce your lady to resign from her Job and become a businesswoman, she may grow to detest you, not everyone is business minded and not everyone want to become self-employed

Also It is not absolutely necessary to share the same vision although I will have to admit, it helps a whole lot. You can have different visions as long as both visions don't contradict each other and you support + respect each other but to be honest, for me, it is not worth the hassle, it is better you talk it out now before you get married, if you realise she/he is heading north and you are heading south and rather than adding to you, he/she will most likely be a hindrance and one that is not willing to compromise, I will say you have not reached your bus stop. Keep searching.

honeric01: Which is more advisable?
1: A woman who understands, agrees and is willing to work with you to achieve your goal

2: A woman who understands, agrees but not willing to work with you but won't stop you from achieving your goal

3: A woman who understands, agrees but prefers her own goal more than yours and expects you to allow her achieve her own goal (having a contrasting goal to yours).


Is it advisable for a man who loves to be a boss of his own (an entrepreneur to marry a woman who prefers a 9-5 job (corporate job) and believes your not wanting her to follow her dream is to limit her even when you try to let her toll your line by preparing to help her fund any business of her dream?

I AM MORE CONCERNED ABOUT THE HOME FRONT, THE FOUNDATION OF THE FAMILY AND THE KIDS THAT ARE LIKELY COMING IN.
i believe women who have power over their time look over their home front and kids more than those who can't dictate their own time.

honeric01: Which is more advisable?
1: A woman who understands, agrees and is willing to work with you to achieve your goal

2: A woman who understands, agrees but not willing to work with you but won't stop you from achieving your goal

3: A woman who understands, agrees but prefers her own goal more than yours and expects you to allow her achieve her own goal (having a contrasting goal to yours).


Is it advisable for a man who loves to be a boss of his own (an entrepreneur to marry a woman who prefers a 9-5 job (corporate job) and believes your not wanting her to follow her dream is to limit her even when you try to let her toll your line by preparing to help her fund any business of her dream?

I AM MORE CONCERNED ABOUT THE HOME FRONT, THE FOUNDATION OF THE FAMILY AND THE KIDS THAT ARE LIKELY COMING IN.
i believe women who have power over their time look over their home front and kids more than those who can't dictate their own time.

Kobojunkie:

How do men who work 8-8pm get a balance on the home front?

Kobojunkie:

How do men who work 8-8pm get a balance on the home front?

honeric01:

That's them, this thread is about how it works. What is going to give both party family time and time freedom is what it's about.

Anyone with similar experience?

Sisi_Kill:

And Honeric01 goes. . ."Aaaayin?!! Men? Balance? Homefront? Men? Homefront. . .Men?!! Whachu talkin bout Kobo?

chucky234: Times are fast changing,gone are the days when an African man decide for the wife what to do and what not to.
We are all made to dream dreams and the woman should be allowed to follow her dreams if its beneficial for the family and still gives her the time to attend to her duties as a wife and a mother.
The key to marital bliss is effective and healthy communication culture between the wife and the husband.
The man should ta wife's happiness into consideration in whatever decision he wants to take,if the 9 - 5 job makes her happy then she should be given the freedom to take the job as long as it does not stop her from performing her duties effectively as a wife and mother.

debrief08: You seem to have made up your mind already, please free the poor lady and find someone whose time, career and choices you can control.
I am a person first before I am a wife or a mother, that keeps me whole sane and have healthy relations with people around me. My Son at 3 can't stand it when am home on leave totally always in his business.
My husband and I are both career people our kids are fine, my parents were both career people, my In Laws were full career people, my Mother In Law Retired as a perm Secretary and has served even after her retirement in various positions. She raised 5 great boys.
Find someone who shares your life veiw but don't erronoeusly insist that kids whose parents don't hover over them 24/7 because they have careers turn out badly

Kobojunkie:




@Poster, when you create rules in your head that apply differently to each gender in the marriage, you create problems. What applies to the man should also be applied to the woman. And thank God the WORLD is waking up to the fact that women were not created zombies for the menfolk.

honeric01:
this is not about one party, it's about both partym don't make this a gender stuff. The man wants a woman who's got time freedom just like himself, how's that a zombie stuff?

Sisi_Kill: Na wa oh. . .this one don pass be kiafu oh!!

What exactly does she do for a living?

What makes you think she won't have time for the home front?

Kobojunkie:

I asked you a question about THE OTHER PARTY and you immediately decided it was not for this thread. Dude, keep up with your own post.

honeric01:

You can comprehend i believe, you know what both parties mean right?

honeric01:

That's them, this thread is about how it works. What is going to give both party family time and time freedom is what it's about.

Anyone with similar experience?

honeric01: Now, back to pressing question, how do you mop out time daily for the family you Obviously work for if you leave home by 6:30am and return back an average of 8pm daily? How is the woman to balance this?

Kobojunkie:

Did you post this or not?

honeric01:
Don't worry, i'm more patient now so you can't bore me lol.

The man's already doing what's going to give him at least 15 hours of family time. Any more question?

Kobojunkie:

Did you post this or not?



There are millions of Nigerian families who have, over the decades, had to deal with mostly fathers who go off as early as 5 am in the morning , only to get home late at night, sometimes past 8pm in the evening. When I was a kid, my dad left before I would wake up and did not get back till about past 9pm each day.
To now create a thread raise dust because a woman also has to deal with the very same, leads me to believe this is more than just about the work hours but about the mindset of the men in this case.
The woman balances it the same way men have balanced it for years. Why is that hard to understand?

honeric01:

How does the op sound like a user? Where in the post did the op say the wife should work under him?did you skip the setting up the biz of her choice for her? Did you read the post at all? Do you understand English language? How's the man a lazy man?

Kobojunkie:

No, this man has chosen,probably because it is his dream, to do just that. Why does he expect the woman to do exactly what he is doing, when it is possible she does not share this dream of his? Or belief it is enough for her to quit her job?

penelope9: . Do you also understand English.You are not a MAN for great and mighty men do not think like this.What a wasted generation.

chucky234: Times are fast changing,gone are the days when an African man decide for the wife what to do and what not to.
We are all made to dream dreams and the woman should be allowed to follow her dreams if its beneficial for the family and still gives her the time to attend to her duties as a wife and a mother.
The key to marital bliss is effective and healthy communication culture between the wife and the husband.
The man should ta wife's happiness into consideration in whatever decision he wants to take,if the 9 - 5 job makes her happy then she should be given the freedom to take the job as long as it does not stop her from performing her duties effectively as a wife and mother.

mpmp:

My answer is:

NONE OF THE ABOVE, just make sure you marry someone you really really love.

With Love in the picture, the job he does and the time he closes from work; whether or not he is an entrepreneur and you are a corporate worker....and whatever else wont matter.

True love brings SACRIFICE(ADJUSTMENT). A lot of time, men and women in a relationship do not want to adjust. Husbands prefer their wives to adjust and meet them where they are. Wives also wrongfully think that if her husband truly loves her, he will do all the adjustment alone. Both are wrong, coz both should actually be adjusting to each other.

If a man really loves a woman in a marriage relationship, his priority will be to specialize in doing those things that make make her happy. If its her 9-5 career job that makes her happy, he will be solidly behind her up to the point that both will make sure the home front isn't neglected. If a woman loves a man, she will daily seek out his happiness. And if a 9-5 job or doing a private business is what makes him happy, she will support him with whatever she does. Soon they will become two hands washing each other, looking out for each other and keeping each other clean.

Isn't it awesome to see couples when they grow old, they begin talking alike, thinking alike, even looking alike. The reason is because each one has tried to personally adjust and fit into the dreams and ambitions of the other(spouse) during their union. At the end, the arrive at the same point and flow easily like water.

Never forget that children will come, grow up and go. The two of you that started the race will be the two of you that will finish it. If the foundation of love and sacrifice is not there, the beginning will be burdensome and the latter end a complete bore.

Kobojunkie:

Interesting! So what should the same rules apply to the man . . . I mean the man be allowed to follow his dreams IF AND ONLY IF it is beneficial and for the family and gives him the time to attend to his duties as a husband and father?

honeric01:

thanks but isn't this going to be a great burden on her if she's to do a 9-5 and still do family duties? Isnt she going to get old quickly than the man?

Sisi_Kill: @ Honoric01
No offense oh but how old are you? You don't have to say the exact number, just range . . .8 - 15 or 16 -21?

Sisi_Kill: @ Honoric01
No offense oh but how old are you? You don't have to say the exact number, just range . . .8 - 15 or 16 -21?

umra_8901: See confusion
I don't think you are really sure of what you want. If the lady wants to work 9-5 for whatever reasons, let her go for it. Don't force her to stop to do what you want her to do or what you feel will be better for you two. She'll end up resenting you for it. If working as your own boss and having a wife who is her own boss is so so so important to you, then find someone who wants what you want.
If you meet someone who has a different goal to you and you both love each other, you'll COMPROMISE not sacrifice. I think the key is meeting someone you can compromise for and who will compromise on somethings for you too.

Goodluck to you.