@honerik01 if she says she will work for some years into the wedding and then resign, I will advice the man not to marry her, because the marriage has only a 1/3 chance of success. There are 3 possibilities after the wedding. 1, she keeps to her words of resigning at the time she promised. Here, you are happy. 2, she does not resign, and you dont say anything. Here, you are not happy because you are only enduring the marriage. 3, she does not resign and you voice your frustrations. Here you are not happy because its either the marriage ends or you keep living like cats and dogs. So if a lady does not fit into your dreams and is not willing to bend, leave her because there are many ladies out there fasting and praying to get a man.

For me, I want to marry a teacher who will be at home latest by 3pm to take care of the home. I will look for that woman and I wont compromise. I need someone to teach and mentor the children. I cant leave my children to the care of maids. I wont compromise. Its shape-in or shape-out.

234GT: For me, I want to marry a teacher who will be at home latest by 3pm to take care of the home. I will look for that woman and I wont compromise. I need someone to teach and mentor the children. I cant leave my children to the care of maids. I wont compromise. Its shape-in or shape-out.

u must be very selfish! u are not thinking of how u'll add value to the life of ur spouse! tell me, will u like ur children to be teachers forever? i guess u don't know that FATHERS and mothers should motivate and train their children and the fact that a woman is an house wife doesn't mean their kids will turn out well!

I think this is one of the challenges of modern marriage and relationships! @poster, I think getting it done both ways is the key. Marrying a woman who will support your goals and whose goals you can support at the same time.
For me, the bottom line is this: Love the one you choose to marry and do not attempt to marry the one you love! If you love her, you would be interested in getting to help achieve her best in life and I am sure she would equally do the same with you.

Unlike 234GT, I would not marry a woman with that kind of a mindset.. but hey, she MUST be highly educated, with career aspirations he he... those in the health profession are highly preferred

honeric01:
Same with my late dad but this thread is about reviving family time, changing the norms. You understand now?

um . . . I never said we didn't have family time regardless.

chucky234: You seem to have missed the line buddy,we are talking about the woman here and not the husband as he will always have the most say being the head of the house. Or does your wife takes decision for you?

Actually, I don't live in the stone-age world you do.

Hello @honeric01.....

From the little I know and have learnt about lyf and marriage, things are not that mathematical... 1 + 1 doesn't always give 2!

Setting up a business is not automatic extra time for the family. It might even mean more time away from family, because you have more loads of responsibility to carry..

For a young marriage, I think you shouldn't get yourself worked up. If you never thought some things were going to be like this b4 you married, too late, but the issue is you have to move forward and make things work.

One of the finest counsel I got in life on women was "A woman is an incubator. Whatever you put into her, she nurtures it and reproduces same to you" Give a woman trouble and let her not be at rest and you will earn a disorderly home. Give her peace, joy, words of assurance, shower love and acceptance on her and pray for her, and you will see how well she will raise godly and happy kids for you.

I strongly sense that you have started nagging her, and that won't be a good route for you.

A good way to get a normal woman to support you in anything is life, is to see her own point of view and her own desires. Show her unreserved commitment to it (not always easy though) and let her see that you genuinely want her to succeed in anything she does... do this over a good while and be sincere about it. Drop every desire to make her align with how you want it done and just leave all to God and keep being a good husband...

You will be surprised at the way her heart will long after the fulfillment of your own dreams later on.

Remain committed however, to your own business model, she will begin to see the potentials in what you may have suggested, and she will begin to support in her own way. And you need to think of this, that her 9 - 5 job might be a succor should there be a storm in the business you are currently into.

Love, Patience, Commitment and Faith will see you through

I think it is very important to know your partners career dreams and find out if they are compatible with your life style. I once dated a 35 year old man whose career dream was to be an aspiring rapper at 35, smh. mohawk et al, and he wanted to meet my folks i knew once my father saw him, he'd bring out his rifle.

mohawk et al, and he wanted to meet my folks

huh?

Not all women are doing corporate job with fat salary.Not all men engage in a profitable biz especialy bz starters.I believe that if a lady is jobless or working her arse for low pay and the husband could get her engaged in better offer in his bz why not. However if the wife doer a highly rewarding job,the money could be used to expand the bz of the hubby. This is marriage and we shld help each other. If the wife wants to keep jobbing,no probs so long it doesnt hurt the children. Both parties should sit down and do what wil help each other

penelope9: Op, you sound like a user.Men like you are the type that use women to achieve their own dreams and replace her after use and she will have nothing to show for it after several years of building your own dream.Why are you a man? Build your dreams by yourself.You are a lazy man.

^^^^
I agree with the post.

maryjames9: Not all women are doing corporate job with fat salary.Not all men engage in a profitable biz especialy bz starters.I believe that if a lady is jobless or working her arse for low pay and the husband could get her engaged in better offer in his bz why not. However if the wife doer a highly rewarding job,the money could be used to expand the bz of the hubby. This is marriage and we shld help each other. If the wife wants to keep jobbing,no probs so long it doesnt hurt the children. Both parties should sit down and do what wil help each other

Interesting..

honeric01:

Love is not automatic, what if it's because of the love that's making the man think of something else for the woman? How many man love seeing his wife sleep off in her office dress looking so used up?

Like i wrote in my first post, the man is willing to set up any biz for her that won't dictate to her when to sleep and when not that she loves.

Thanks though.

I assume you read my post since you quoted it. Yes, Love is not automatic - but it takes two to tango and the bottom-line of the tango is understanding.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with husband and wife pursuing different careers. In fact its better. The couple were entirely different people before marriage and they still remain unique individuals in wedlock. If the couple were supposed to pursue the same careers in life, they should have started life together, gone to the same schools, read the same courses in the university, worked in the same company, etc. The difference in choices, likes and dislikes is what makes the love go round.

What if they met themselves in the same organization, were working in the same department and both continued working there after marriage. Are they pursuing the same career in your opinion? Who should step down for the other?

Is it right for husband to talk his wife into resigning from work and set up a business for her selling clothes while he continues working. What was her elementary, secondary and University education for?

I think its pure selfishness for men to think that their wives are supposed to suspend their careers after marriage, and it is the ultimate ignorance for wives to feel that after marriage, their man should do all the work while they tend to a business on the side.

And this idea of men "setting up businesses for their wives" as a way to compensate them after they(husbands) forced their wives to quit their jobs after marriage / keep them busy is foundationally wrong. Doing business and succeeding in it is a thing of the mind and soul. If a woman isnt interested in "business", regardless of how much money her husband spends / the time they put into it, the biz wont go anywhere.

Someone that is really business minded doesnt need a husband / wife to tell him/her what to do, where to source for funds, who to market to, how to market, where to start from, etc. A real business woman is a real business woman with or without her husband.

The only women that their husbands should assist in their businesses are those women who have been doing the business in one way or the other before marriage; those who are interested in the business regardless of who comes or who goes, who encourages / supports them and who doesnt.

mpmp:

I assume you read my post since you quoted it. Yes, Love is not automatic - but it takes two to tango and the bottom-line of the tango is understanding.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with husband and wife pursuing different careers. In fact its better. The couple were entirely different people before marriage and they still remain unique individuals in wedlock. If the couple were supposed to pursue the same careers in life, they should have started life together, gone to the same schools, read the same courses in the university, worked in the same company, etc. The difference in choices, likes and dislikes is what makes the love go round.

What if they met themselves in the same organization, were working in the same department and both continued working there after marriage. Are they pursuing the same career in your opinion? Who should step down for the other?

Is it right for husband to talk his wife into resigning from work and set up a business for her selling clothes while he continues working. What was her elementary, secondary and University education for?

I think its pure selfishness for men to think that their wives are supposed to suspend their careers after marriage, and it is the ultimate ignorance for wives to feel that after marriage, their man should do all the work while they tend to a business on the side.

And this idea of men "setting up businesses for their wives" as a way to compensate them after they(husbands) forced their wives to quit their jobs after marriage / keep them busy is foundationally wrong. Doing business and succeeding in it is a thing of the mind and soul. If a woman isnt interested in "business", regardless of how much money her husband spends / the time they put into it, the biz wont go anywhere.

Someone that is really business minded doesnt need a husband / wife to tell him/her what to do, where to source for funds, who to market to, how to market, where to start from, etc. A real business woman is a real business woman with or without her husband.

The only women that their husbands should assist in their businesses are those women who have been doing the business in one way or the other before marriage; those who are interested in the business regardless of who comes or who goes, who encourages / supports them and who doesnt.

Maybe you should work with the responses i have given so far? at least every case is unique, this is unique too and i have given reasons which can then form the kind of response you're to give. the instances you used here are not what is actually on ground. you typed in a general terms but some of my responses were and are specific.

Lastly, let me ask you this, which would you prefer to stand first, the family foundation or individual's career?
Which is more important? the children and the wellness of the home or the career of the woman?

Like i said, what i painted is specific so i would like to read responses that address the specifics.

honeric01:

Maybe you should work with the responses i have given so far? at least every case is unique, this is unique too and i have given reasons which can then form the kind of response you're to give. the instances you used here are not what is actually on ground. you typed in a general terms but some of my responses were and are specific.

Lastly, let me ask you this, which would you prefer to stand first, the family foundation or individual's career?
Which is more important? the children and the wellness of the home or the career of the woman?

Like i said, what i painted is specific so i would like to read responses that address the specifics.

let me make you know something today: a bitter woman can never make a good mother/wife. don't force a woman esp a career oriented one to resign and ve a biz so she can take care of the home more. it ll backfire and she will pass that bitterness to the children. they are the types that make horrible mother -in-laws. most of our mothers had jobs and we stil turned out well! a child that ll be bad ll be bad even if the mother lapped him/her all through her life! remember that those children ll come and go while you will stil have ur life to live. so to your question @nmph, both are important! i've seen many bitter women forced to sacrifice their career/ambition for their 'family' and the bitterness leaked into the lives of the children.

bukatyne: let me make you know something today: a bitter woman can never make a good mother/wife. don't force a woman esp a career oriented one to resign and ve a biz so she can take care of the home more. it ll backfire and she will pass that bitterness to the children. they are the types that make horrible mother -in-laws. most of our mothers had jobs and we stil turned out well! a child that ll be bad ll be bad even if the mother lapped him/her all through her life! remember that those children ll come and go while you will stil have ur life to live. so to your question @nmph, both are important! i've seen many bitter women forced to sacrifice their career/ambition for their 'family' and the bitterness leaked into the lives of the children.

That i won't do, what i can do is project my dreams and plan to a potential wife, if she believes in my dreams and plans, i will ask her what she's going to do with her own life that would complement the over-all dream. i am a male here and i am suppose to come with the plan of the home's foundation, hers is to help shape the foundation.

A woman who's coming with a mindset of 9-5 job that can barely change her clothes after getting home from work at about 8-9pm due to tiredness can't do ANYTHING in the kind of dream i have for my home. if a woman feel my dream is going to suppress her, she's got the option of leaving me.

I do not want a full house wife nor do i want a slave-to-money wife, what each and every parent should work towards is how to raise a well balance home so that the home can go out there to influence the society at large.

bukatyne: u must be very selfish! u are not thinking of how u'll add value to the life of ur spouse! tell me, will u like ur children to be teachers forever? i guess u don't know that FATHERS and mothers should motivate and train their children and the fact that a woman is an house wife doesn't mean their kids will turn out well!

I never said I wanted a housewife. I want someone who has a good job with beautiful career prospect. At the same time, she must be available for the children. I dont know when teaching became a bad job.