Which is more advisable?
1: A woman who understands, agrees and is willing to work with you to achieve your goal

2: A woman who understands, agrees but not willing to work with you but won't stop you from achieving your goal

3: A woman who understands, agrees but prefers her own goal more than yours and expects you to allow her achieve her own goal (having a contrasting goal to yours).


Is it advisable for a man who loves to be a boss of his own (an entrepreneur to marry a woman who prefers a 9-5 job (corporate job) and believes your not wanting her to follow her dream is to limit her even when you try to let her toll your line by preparing to help her fund any business of her dream?

I AM MORE CONCERNED ABOUT THE HOME FRONT, THE FOUNDATION OF THE FAMILY AND THE KIDS THAT ARE LIKELY COMING IN.
i believe women who have power over their time look over their home front and kids more than those who can't dictate their own time.

Mutual understanding and respect for eachother's dreams are the very important. Never marry someone who has a different vision from yours. Its two visions or di(2) visions or division. If you really need someone that would fit into your plans, then take the pain to find that person, because he/she is out there. Dont rush to marry someone whose vision doesnt fit yours thinking you will 'manage' who is available. I go with option 1.

234GT: Mutual understanding and respect for eachother's dreams are the very important. Never marry someone who has a different vision from yours. Its two visions or di(2) visions or division. If you really need someone that would fit into your plans, then take the pain to find that person, because he/she is out there. Dont rush to marry someone whose vision doesnt fit yours thinking you will 'manage' who is available. I go with option 1.

And what happens when she tries to tell you it's going to work out by saying she's only going to work for a while and not for ever?

I'm sorry I am just having a hard time understand how number 2 is possible. So if you don't mind please can you give example of "Not willing to work with you" I mean does she put down what you do? If she does then that means she doesn't understand your goal.

Secondly, why does she have to pursue the same thing you are pursuing? If you enjoy being boss of your company and she enjoys 9 to 5. . .why is that a problem?

Thirdly, Does it have to be you support first the I will support you later. . .why can't there be concurrent supporting, you both help each other achieve your goals.

Well sha, in my opinion. . .if you marry someone who understand you and you her from jump, all of these will be none issue.

Sisi_Kill: I'm sorry I am just having a hard time understand how number 2 is possible. So if you don't mind please can you give example of "Not willing to work with you" I mean does she put down what you do? If she does then that means she doesn't understand your goal.

Secondly, why does she have to pursue the same thing you are pursuing? If you enjoy being boss of your company and she enjoys 9 to 5. . .why is that a problem?

Thirdly, Does it have to be you support first the I will support you later. . .why can't there be concurrent supporting, you both help each other achieve your goals.

Well sha, in my opinion. . .if you marry someone who understand you and you her from jump, all of these will be none issue.

1: She won't stop you from setting up businesses or services but not ready to help in kind, finances and efforts. (hope i explained it better?)

2: I see it as a problem because she's likely coming home late, she won't have monopoly over her time and can't plan her time (useful time) compared to if she's the owner of her biz, she would only come home when she's released from work, she's a slave to her salary and can't decide when to work and when not to, she only works for the dreams of her boss/company. she's helping building another man/woman/people's dream while she believes she's building hers. (i mean if she prefer working all her youthful life for someone else) and there's going to be friction with both parties. (the couple).

3: Both can hardly help each-other in achieving their goals because they are going the opposite way. IMO

I am not married yet and i am willing to read from some reasonable people who are married and if possible have experience in this kind of scenario.

honeric01:

1: She won't stop you from setting up businesses or services but not ready to help in kind, finances and efforts. (hope i explained it better?)

Technically she does not owe you financial support in this. If you want to start your own business, you have to consider the risks involved and plan accordingly. Don't drag your woman into it just because she happens to be your woman. If she does not want to be involved, she has the right to say that and be that way.

For instance, if a man decides he wants to set up a hotel business in Nigeria(women and all involved). The wife may choose for religious reasons not to support that in anyway. She has that right. Just cause she is married to you does not mean she needs to be married to all the silly ideas in your head as well.

This reminds me of the case of a man I used to hear of from another friend, who lived in South Africa. The man and his wife moved to South Africa and started their family.They had five kids. He later went into 419 business, and she believing it was her place to aid her husband in all, joined him in it. When he got caught, she was also implicated since she was in it with him. They both got jail terms. Ask how those kids of theirs are doing today with criminals for parents?

honeric01:
2: I see it as a problem because she's likely coming home late, she won't have monopoly over her time and can't plan her time (useful time) compared to if she's the owner of her biz, she would only come home when she's released from work, she's a slave to her salary and can't decide when to work and when not to, she only works for the dreams of her boss/company. she's helping building another man/woman/people's dream while she believes she's building hers. (i mean if she prefer working all her youthful life for someone else) and there's going to be friction with both parties. (the couple).

Not everyone is designed to be a business owner. Some prefer the 9-5 setting. If this is the kind of job she was doing before you married her, I don't how it should be made a problem afterwards. As long as she is working, working hard, you probably should look to help her so she can better have "useful time" that you would like for her to have. Make yourself useful. Help her prepare that report or presentation that is due or run to the store to help her print her papers so she can maybe not need to spend time past 5 at the office. You are human being and so nothing should stop you from making yourself useful in the case that she is stressed or overwhelmed.

honeric01:
3: Both can hardly help each-other in achieving their goals because they are going the opposite way. IMO

There are so many people with future goals of owning businesses who in the meantime choose to work the 9-5 for so many reasons. One being that they likely know it maybe too much risk at the current time so they would rather wait till the right time to do it. I don't see why you, or anyone should make an issue of that though.

Kobojunkie:
Technically she does not owe you financial support in this. If you want to start your own business, you have to consider the risks involved and plan accordingly. Don't drag your woman into it just because she happens to be your woman. If she does not want to be involved, she has the right to say that and be that way.

For instance, if a man decides he wants to set up a hotel business in Nigeria(women and all involved). The wife may choose for religious reasons not to support that in anyway. She has that right. Just cause she is married to you does not mean she needs to be married to all the silly ideas in your head as well.

This reminds me of the case of a man I used to hear of from another friend, who lived in South Africa. The man and his wife moved to South Africa and started their family.They had five kids. He later went into 419 business, and she believing it was her place to aid her husband in all, joined him in it. When he got caught, she was also implicated since she was in it with him. They both got jail terms. Ask how those kids of theirs are doing today with criminals for parents?



Not everyone is designed to be a business owner. Some prefer the 9-5 setting. If this is the kind of job she was doing before you married her, I don't how it should be made a problem afterwards. As long as she is working, working hard, you probably should look to help her so she can better have "useful time" that you would like for her to have. Make yourself useful. Help her prepare that report or presentation that is due or run to the store to help her print her papers so she can maybe not need to spend time past 5 at the office. You are human being and so nothing should stop you from making yourself useful in the case that she is stressed or overwhelmed.



There are so many people with future goals of owning businesses who in the meantime choose to work the 9-5 for so many reasons. One being that they likely know it maybe too much risk at the current time so they would rather wait till the right time to do it. I don't see why you, or anyone should make an issue of that though.

Then why does she want to work to earn money and also be married if she wont be at one time helping his partner with her money when need be?

That's why i'm asking how safe it's marrying someone who can't watch your back. I thought marriage is a partnership?

Your example is actually bias, why use hotel or ilegal biz? I used businesses though. Which decent man would set up a 419 biz?

You mean the man should help her manage the time she uses to build another man's biz rather than her using that time to assist in building that of her husband?

What about in the case of a woman who's yet to start working but won't key into that of her hubby? How advisable is that?


The concern here is FAMILY TIME AND TIME FREEDOM, NOT MONEY O.

I have my career my husband has his, it makes our lives easier and sweeter. Married couple shouldn't mean being joined at the hips. Let her have her career and her own fulfilment, have yours. If she chooses to help you build finacess or with time its her choice not under compulsion as you make it sound.
With all I have gone through one thing I have always been proud of is my career. Working for "another man" as you put it pays her bills gives her a sense of worth, let her make her choices, if you don't like it find somebody else who keys into your vision. But its unfair to demand that anyone let's go of their own dreams and visions to build your own.

Op, you sound like a user.Men like you are the type that use women to achieve their own dreams and replace her after use and she will have nothing to show for it afetr several years of building your own dream.Why are you a man? Build your dreams by yourself.You are a lazy man.

Op, you sound like a user.Men like you are the type that use women to achieve their own dreams and replace her after use and she will have nothing to show for it after several years of building your own dream.Why are you a man? Build your dreams by yourself.You are a lazy man.

is this a question or an answer?

debrief08: I have my career my husband has his, it makes our lives easier and sweeter. Married couple shouldn't mean being joined at the hips. Let her have her career and her own fulfilment, have yours. If she chooses to help you build finacess or with time its her choice not under compulsion as you make it sound.
With all I have gone through one thing I have always been proud of is my career. Working for "another man" as you put it pays her bills gives her a sense of worth, let her make her choices, if you don't like it find somebody else who keys into your vision. But its unfair to demand that anyone let's go of their own dreams and visions to build your own.

You mean working in a similar career with that of her hubby wont give her a sense of worth? The point is actually about time freedom and not really about money.

penelope9: Op, you sound like a user.Men like you are the type that use women to achieve their own dreams and replace her after use and she will have nothing to show for it after several years of building your own dream.Why are you a man? Build your dreams by yourself.You are a lazy man.

Shut that your filthy mouth if you cant contribute intelligently to the thread.

penelope9: Op, you sound like a user.Men like you are the type that use women to achieve their own dreams and replace her after use and she will have nothing to show for it afetr several years of building your own dream.Why are you a man? Build your dreams by yourself.You are a lazy man.

Sound like a user? How? Where in the post did the op say the wife should work under him?did you skip the setting up the biz of her choice for her? Did you read the post at all? Do you understand English language? How's the man a lazy man?

1

[quote author=Metalgoong
Shut that your filthy mouth if you cant contribute intelligently to the thread.[/quote].Shut the Bleep up.What have you contributed.

honeric01:


You mean working in a similar career with that of her hubby wont give her a sense of worth? The point is actually about time difference and not really about money.

If that's what she wants to do then yes , it would but if it is not something she is interested in. . .why must she leave her own stuff to just because her husband is doing something else? You do remember she was a WHOLE HUMAN BEING before marriage and not some empty headed doll, waiting for someone to come her move her in any direction they please. . .right? This means that she had her goals and dreams. She went to school to get a degree for a particular career yet you expect her to abandon all that. . .ina ruwa, she is now married to you, so it doesn't count anymore.

Honestly, no offense of but I am convinced you don't know how to phrase the question you want to ask because no one should be asking such asinine questions in this day and age.

debrief08: I have my career my husband has his, it makes our lives easier and sweeter. Married couple shouldn't mean being joined at the hips. Let her have her career and her own fulfilment, have yours. If she chooses to help you build finacess or with time its her choice not under compulsion as you make it sound.
With all I have gone through one thing I have always been proud of is my career. Working for "another man" as you put it pays her bills gives her a sense of worth, let her make her choices, if you don't like it find somebody else who keys into your vision. But its unfair to demand that anyone let's go of their own dreams and visions to build your own.

Well said sister, everyone has a right to pursue his/her own career and dream and everyone has a right to invest in any business he/she feels inclined to. That she is my wife does not necessarily make her property in my hand, she is a person, an individual that stands apart from me and thus must follow her dream. Besides forcing a woman to give up a paid job 9-5 job as the op calls it may be counter productive. T

You're missing the point.

Let me ask you this question, how do you intend having quality time with your kids and hubby as a 9-5 career woman? i mean how do balance an 8-8pm (including traffic and other unforeseen situation) with the hone front?

Time freedom's what is paramount here. Maybe its about family time and not just money. The lady in focus is also not a good multi-tasker.

You are talking about time management. . .last I checked, you both have 24hrs in the day assigned to you and as far as I know, no one (not even a woman) conjure up more hours, so why is the burden on her alone to deal with it?

Here's a radical idea. . .husband and wife, sit down, talk it out and come up with a schedule where no one is losing out completely. You know, come to think of it sef, The one who is his own boss is in a better position to take care of things on the home front. . .don't you agree? There! Problem solved!!!

kutchs: Well said sister, everyone has a right to pursue his/her own career and dream and everyone has a right to invest in any business he/she feels inclined to. That she is my wife does not necessarily make her property in my hand, she is a person, an individual that stands apart from me and thus must follow her dream. Besides forcing a woman to give up a paid job 9-5 job as the op calls it may be counter productive. T

Sure everyone's got her/his dream but is it advisable marrying someone with an opposite dream?

What are the cons and pros that can be associated with it?

And what makes you think you'll have time at home when you're your own business owner. Yeah you can be your own boss, but for the first few years at least, expect to not have as much time as you think you will. if you think you can just chill as you please, chances are your business will go into the toilet. Even you yourself won't be able to leave your investment just like that.

Basically, the time factor is a non-issue.

Sisi_Kill: You are talking about time management. . .last I checked, you both have 24hrs in the day assigned to you and as far as I know, no one (not even a woman) conjure up more hours, so why is the burden on her alone to deal with it?

Here's a radical idea. . .husband and wife, sit down, talk it out and come up with a schedule where no one is losing out completely. You know, come to think of it sef, The one who is his own boss is in a better position to take care of things on the home front. . .don't you agree? There! Problem solved!!!

When a home is driven by one party, it's likely going to bring up alot of cons, when one party contributes most time to the health of a home, don't you think it's likely going to lead to feeling like the sole owner of the home?

[quote author=Man_51ut]And what makes you think you'll have time at home when you're your own business owner. Yeah you can be your own boss, but for the first few years at least, expect to not have as much time as you think you will. if you think you can just chill as you please, chances are your business will go into the toilet. Even you yourself won't be able to leave your investment just like that.

Basically, the time factor is a non-issue. [/quot


maybe this is why the need to be on the right path is coming up now that they're yet married?

If this is a real life situation. . .lay it all out, so people can evaluate it well. All this your coded and very weird phrasing is not helping, just makes you sound. . .errr. . .ehm. . .

Anyway, just explain the situation on ground and let people take it up from there. One size obviously does not fit all, so generalization isn't gonna work here. After all there are hundreds of married women doing what you think is such an herculean task and their homes haven't suffered for it. Not to talk of the the widows, single parents, one person guardians who don't have anyone else.

honeric01: You're missing the point.

Let me ask you this question, how do you intend having quality time with your kids and hubby as a 9-5 career woman? i mean how do balance an 8-8pm (including traffic and other unforeseen situation) with the hone front?

Time freedom's what is paramount here. Maybe its about family time and not just money. The lady in focus is also not a good multi-tasker.

How do men who work 8-8pm get a balance on the home front?

n op who told u that when a wife has a business instead of 9-5 job she would take care of the home? besides a 9-5 job is different from a career so which one are you talkin about? anyway in general, everyone has their destiny in life and while i believe that couples should help one another (not the wife helping the husband alone), everybody has his/her life to leave and it is very selfish of you to expect your wife to leave her dreams for yours because she's 'lucky' enough to be mrs. hononeric!

Sisi_Kill: If this is a real life situation. . .lay it all out, so people can evaluate it well. All this your coded and very weird phrasing is not helping, just makes you sound. . .errr. . .ehm. . .

Anyway, just explain the situation on ground and let people take it up from there. One size obviously does not fit all, so generalization isn't gonna work here. After all there are hundreds of married women doing what you think is such an herculean task and their homes haven't suffered for it. Not to talk of the the widows, single parents, one person guardians who don't have anyone else.

Sorry ma'am, maybe i'm not good to writing but i'm doing my best. Like i said, the post is about knowing if it will work, how it will work and what it entails. If it's worth it or not. Alot is involve but this particular one matters.

honeric01:


Sure everyone's got her/his dream but is it advisable marrying someone with an opposite dream?

What are the cons and pros that can be associated with it?

Na wa o..
Which one is opposite dream? Must madam leave the security of a paid job to join you in your aim to build castles in the sky?
I think in a marriage,one party should have a secured job while the other can pursue his/her business dream. Savings have to be made towards raising kids and building a home and that can only be achieved through a regular income.
When those same kids you are planning for start coming,school fees will need to be paid,feeding and all. FAMILY TIME could turn out to be a mirage if there's no regular income.

honeric01:
Sorry ma'am, maybe i'm not good to writing but i'm doing my best. Like i said, the post is about knowing if it will work, how it will work and what it entails. If it's worth it or not. Alot is involve but this particular one matters.

If this is how you dissect the worth of a relationship with anyone, dude, something is seriously lacking

I would tell all women to avoid you quick quick . . .

Poster, from your write up, I sense that you are convinced that your way is the right way, why is that so? Anyway eventually if u coerce your lady to resign from her Job and become a businesswoman, she may grow to detest you, not everyone is business minded and not everyone want to become self-employed

Also It is not absolutely necessary to share the same vision although I will have to admit, it helps a whole lot. You can have different visions as long as both visions don't contradict each other and you support + respect each other but to be honest, for me, it is not worth the hassle, it is better you talk it out now before you get married, if you realise she/he is heading north and you are heading south and rather than adding to you, he/she will most likely be a hindrance and one that is not willing to compromise, I will say you have not reached your bus stop. Keep searching.

Kobojunkie:

How do men who work 8-8pm get a balance on the home front?

And Honeric01 goes. . ."Aaaayin?!! Men? Balance? Homefront? Men? Homefront. . .Men?!! Whachu talkin bout Kobo?