Dear Husband,

I have been married to you now for ..... in that time I now realise that I have done things and behaved in ways that have given you an excuse to be abusive towards me. I am begging you to please forgive all my wrongs.

However because I am a human being and I have a limit to the abuse I can take, I am going to leave our home for the next .... days both to avoid the abuse and to go and seek the face of God through prayer, for God to make me a better person and wife to you. I promise that by the time I return I will be better.

Please promise me that when I return you will refrain from abusing me for 21 days during which I will show you how much I have changed. If you like the change you see then please allow me to continue and cease your abuse so that we can live as a happy couple. I promise to make the change permanent if you like the new improved me.

Thank you my dear husband for acceding to my request.

Your Darling Wife,

What do you make of this letter? Could it start a change in a home experiencing abuse? Your views please.

@Poster, where did you get that from? If the writer is a friend of yours, please tell her to seek counselling instead of sending that letter or giving it to her husband.

Kobojunkie: @Poster, where did you get that from? If the writer is a friend of yours, please tell her to seek counselling instead of sending that letter or giving it to her husband.

Why?

Lord_Reed:

Why?

Because by sending that letter, she is sanctioning the abuse, and essentially giving him the right to continue. Any woman in such a situation should get out before her life is ruined completely. If she needs to live with her parents until he realizes that she is not his punching bag, then she should but there is absolutely no excuse or reason for abuse in a marriage. If you will not allow your friends to use you for a punching bag, then their is no reason why a husband should be able to do so.

Smart wife....at least she's trying to better herself. And I admire her guts to admitting she's be wrong in some ways. I still don't think that any man for any reason should physically abuse his wife. But maybe that's his own mentality in resolving a dispute. Lets hope he learn from his mistake so that their marriage can take a turn for the better. He's lucky he has a good wife. Some women don't even give it a second shot they just up.

I hope he wouldn't be a di....ck he better change for the better.

REPLY FROM THE HUSBAND:

[b]Dear wife,
I have been married to you now for ..... in that time I have done everything in my power to please you ungrateful self, everything a husband should and yet you continue not appreciating all my effort to please you. i am tired of your shiit and i can see that you will never see the GOOD/RIGHT in what i do.

so because i am only human, i have enough of not being appreciated, so i suggest you stay wherever you decided to go, and see if you get the same treatment THERE, as you were getting here at home....i will let you know when to come back (if ever), hopefully, through prayers, i will also get a sign from God to take your sorry ass back.i promise that if i dont get the sign, i will find myself a lady that will value all my effort as a caring husband.

pls, promise me that when you finally realize your mistake, you dont come begging, as it will probably be too late.......just move on with your life, a wiser, newly single divorcee.....as the saying goes:"you dont change a winning team, you just buy better players". so as i will upgrade my team, make sure you upgrade yours.

life is too precious to waste it on waiting 21 days for your spouse to see the light. I am God and i was showing you the light but you were too narrow minded to see it. may the future bring you all the happiness that you "suposedly" didnt get from me. pls lose my number and dont bother coming back, the house locks have already been changes.........hell, someone new may already be warming your spot in the bed already.

Thank you dear ex wife for your understanding.

Yours trully ex husband.[/b]

MRbrownJAY: REPLY FROM THE HUSBAND:

[b]Dear wife,
I have been married to you now for ..... in that time I have done everything in my power to please you ungrateful self, everything a husband should and yet you continue not appreciating all my effort to please you. i am tired of your shiit and i can see that you will never see the GOOD/RIGHT in what i do.

so because i am only human, i have enough of not being appreciated, so i suggest you stay wherever you decided to go, and see if you get the same treatment THERE, as you were getting here at home....i will let you know when to come back (if ever), hopefully, through prayers, i will also get a sign from God to take your sorry ass back.i promise that if i dont get the sign, i will find myself a lady that will value all my effort as a caring husband.

pls, promise me that when you finally realize your mistake, you dont come begging, as it will probably be too late.......just move on with your life, a wiser, newly single divorcee.....as the saying goes:"you dont change a winning team, you just buy better players". so as i will upgrade my team, make sure you upgrade yours.

life is too precious to waste it on waiting 21 days for your spouse to see the light. I am God and i was showing you the light but you were too narrow minded to see it. may the future bring you all the happiness that you "suposedly" didnt get from me. pls lose my number and dont bother coming back, the house locks have already been changes.........hell, someone new may already be warming your spot in the bed already.

Thank you dear ex wife for your understanding.

Yours trully ex husband.[/b]

Good luck to you and your new wife. I hope her skin is made of iron so she can be able to endure all your physical abuse.

chaircover: By sending that letter, she is authorizing the abuse.

. . . . .All well and good until one day she "does things and behaves in ways to give him an excuse" (her words) and he beats her to death by accident.

Kobojunkie: Because by sending that letter, she is
sanctioning the abuse, and essentially giving
him the right to continue. Any woman in
such a situation should get out before her
life is ruined completely. If she needs to live
with her parents until he realizes that she is
not his punching bag, then she should but
there is absolutely no excuse or reason for
abuse in a marriage. If you will not allow
your friends to use you for a punching bag,
then their is no reason why a husband
should be able to do so.

Do men who abuse their wives not have an excuse? Do they not tell themselves they are justified? Does her saying so make a difference on that score?

She has already decide to leave in order to stem the tide of abuse. Are you saying she shouldn't come back to her home after eliciting a promise from her husband to stop the abuse?

rokiatu: Smart wife....at least she's trying to better herself. And I admire her guts to admitting she's be wrong in some ways. I still don't think that any man for any reason should physically abuse his wife. But maybe that's his own mentality in resolving a dispute. Lets hope he learn from his mistake so that their marriage can take a turn for the better. He's lucky he has a good wife. Some women don't even give it a second shot they just up.

I hope he wouldn't be a di....ck he better change for the better.

So you think a change can start in the home by the actions outlined in the letter?

@MBJ
If truly that letter is a reply to that of the hurting wife then the husband needs help more than she does because he is abusing his wife and has the guts to say she is unappreciative.

Lord_Reed:
Do men who abuse their wives not have an excuse? Do they not tell themselves they are justified? Does her saying so make a difference on that score?

She has already decide to leave in order to stem the tide of abuse. Are you saying she shouldn't come back to her home after eliciting a promise from her husband to stop the abuse?

I am not concerned about the man's excuse. No matter what it is, it is not justified.

Writing a letter of that sort is essentially sanctioning the abuse. Of course the man will promise high heavens, however since the promise will be hinged on her modifying herself enough to somehow cause him to not want to abuse her anymore, it is safe to conclude that the abuse is likely not going to end as a result.

Again, if you or anyone know any woman in this state, please do not hesitate to advice her not to send such a letter to her husband. But to instead look out what the best for herself FIRST and her future, in all this. No human being on this place, man or woman, deserves to be abused by anyone, not even a husband or wife.

Kobojunkie:

I am not concerned about the man's excuse. No matter what it is, it is not justified.

Writing a letter of that sort is essentially sanctioning the abuse. Of course the man will promise high heavens, however since the promise will be hinged on her modifying herself enough to somehow cause him to not want to abuse her anymore, it is safe to conclude that the abuse is likely not going to end as a result.

Again, if you or anyone know any woman in this state, please do not hesitate to advice her not to send such a letter to her husband. But to instead look out what the best for herself FIRST and her future, in all this. No human being on this place, man or woman, deserves to be abused by anyone, not even a husband or wife.

Okay so on what ground should a woman return to her home if she has departed because of abuse.

Lord_Reed:

Okay so on what ground should a woman return to her home if she has departed because of abuse.

My question is why is she desperate to return in the first place? She has successfully escaped with her life this time. Ideally, she should thank her creator and move on.

I agree with Kobojunkie and Chaircover that she is sanctioning the abuse by giving him reason to treat her that way. Putting the blame on herself instead of where the blame truly lies...on him. Is she now a robot, how will she ensure that she will never make the mistake of doing something that triggers him to beat her up. Is she just going to hit some kind of reset button and be the 'perfect wife' for him all of a sudden? Cos she is basically saying, anytime I misbehave (or you perceive that I have misbehaved), you are free to beat me.

So, to answer your question of when she should return. I would say when she is 100% or damn near 100% sure that he will never beat her again. The next time could be fatal so that's a huge risk she is taking. What will it take to be sure? Well for starters..
1. He should have completed his anger management courses or some form of ongoing professional therapy and now be equipped with the capability to deal with his anger appropriately.
2. He should be remorseful and be the one seeking her out. For her to be the one writing the letter trying to come back is total rubbish. If he does not even want her or seek her return, she is playing herself right back into his abusive hands.
3. A lot of time must have passed so he would have had enough time to process things and find out what he really wants in life.
And that's just for starters...

@ileobatojo
Your comment is highly appreciated but I have never heard of anger management courses here in Nigeria.

Lord_Reed:

Okay so on what ground should a woman return to her home if she has departed because of abuse.

The one thing is every woman, like every man, knows when she is being led on and when she is being loved. Women are equally capable of analyzing situations and figuring out on their own when to go back and when to hold still. And honestly, divorce, while still last resort, should never be removed as a option from the table. It should be there because every woman deserves a life where she is treated like a human being, not like a slave.

Kai.. na real wa for some people. Shouldn't you people first of all understand what kind of abuse we are talking about here? Isn't it funny that you all have automatically assumed we are talking about physical abuse?

^^^ do you really think it make any difference whether it is physical or emotional?!

rokiatu:
Good luck to you and your new wife. I hope her skin is made of iron so she can be able to endure all your physical abuse.

Lord_Reed: @MBJ
If truly that letter is a reply to that of the hurting wife then the husband needs help more than she does because he is abusing his wife and has the guts to say she is unappreciative.

we all know that any abuse can only be tolerated if a person is willing to be abused. if a man lays his hands on a woman (or degrade her with insults etc) and she is writing the crazy letter that was posted on this thread, then only a crazier letter can fix that. if a man abuses his wife (whether emotionally or physically) then his wife should simply give him a sound warning, and then RUUUUUUN for dear life if he tries again. if she stays and "pray/fast or whatever nonsense" she wrote, then she deserves each and everything that she gets thereafter.