Kobojunkie: You can effectively manage it by working on putting up with it for as long as it has to be. You agreed to it, so unfortunately there is not much else you can do.

paris10:

I have to disagree with you on this one. Ofcourse @poster wouldn't object to her husband inviting his family over for visitation purposes only. But wanting to turn her matrimonial home into a guest house is totally preposterous and bang out of order.

A two bed flat is actually not enough to fit in 6 family members. This is not Lagos! The husband should be ashamed of himself for yielding unto his own selfishness and not his wife. Mother-in-laws are a pain in the a.s.s and wouldn't pray my enemies welcome them.

Mrs.Oyibo:
Maybe the issue is not Nigerian women but Nigerian men. I feel reluctant to discuss this issue in great detail with my husband because I am also afraid that if I Put my foot down that the marriage would fail. My husband adores his Mum and thinks that she can do no wrong. He tells me that he's Always happy for my parents to come and visit us. And that I should be equally welcomig to his Mum. However, he fails to remember that my parents visit for a maximum of two weeks and that hey are financially independent.

I just feel like his younger brother is taking the p**s by not accommodating this woman. And I feel that my husband is more concerned about saving face with his Mum than he is with ensuring that our nuclear family is happy. But as u said initially, if I do say anything then it's bound to affect my marriage. The trouble is that I am not very good at holding my tongue and I fear that one day soon I will explode and that my mother-in-law will get the brunt of it

Did I mention that my husband and his siblings all work 12 hours a day and that I am the one who is at home with my mother in law all day long..............

Olutala: 3'Ps
Patience, Prayer, and perseverance my sister. All will be well

kuntama: I'm confused. Why should we glorify our mothers for "suffering for us?"
For goodness sake what are they supposed to do - have the child and do nothing for it?
We are a useless society where doing the right thing is so abnormal, that when it happens ( eg a mother actually looking after its child) we fall into hero worship mode.
Hiss. Society of failures and mediocrity. Hiss again.

kuntama: I'm confused. Why should we glorify our mothers for "suffering for us?"
For goodness sake what are they supposed to do - have the child and do nothing for it?
We are a useless society where doing the right thing is so abnormal, that when it happens ( eg a mother actually looking after its child) we fall into hero worship mode.
Hiss. Society of failures and mediocrity. Hiss again.

kuntama: I'm confused. Why should we glorify our mothers for "suffering for us?"
For goodness sake what are they supposed to do - have the child and do nothing for it?
We are a useless society where doing the right thing is so abnormal, that when it happens ( eg a mother actually looking after its child) we fall into hero worship mode.
Hiss. Society of failures and mediocrity. Hiss again.

Mrs.Oyibo:
I have been married to my husband for 5 years. He is the eldest of a family of five. Even before we got married my husband always told me about his responsibility to he younger siblings and always made it clear that he would like at least one of them to join us here in the UK. I never had a problem with this and actually thought that it would be good for him to have a sibling in the same country that could help to share the family responsibility.

Finally in August 2010 his Mum, his sister and his youngest brother were granted a visiting visa. His sister came to live with us in September 2010 and his brother joined us in December 2010. My husband's Mum visited in December 2010 and stayed for one month before returning to Nigeria. In January 2011 we applied for EEA residence cards for the two siblings and these were granted in May 2011.

My husband's brother lived with us until October 2011 when we asked him to leave because he had been stealing small amounts of money from my purse, ad had also been expecting my husband and I to continue to financially support him even though he a part time job! Anyway, that matter was resolved and things are once again amicable between us and the brother. My husband's sister continues to live with us in our two bedroom house and she shares a bedroom with my daughter.

So far, so manageable.

Fast forward to this Summer. My husband submitted a request for an EEA family permit for his mother and his remaining unmarried sister to join us in the UK. I told my husband that I was unwilling to have financial responsibility for another of his family members. He agreed and said that his Mum and his sister could stay with his younger brother and just come to visit us occasionally. He also said that we would have no financial responsibility towards his Mum and sister and claimed that this would be the taken care of by his younger brother and the sister that lives with us. I felt that this was reasonable and agreed to sponsor the application.

His Mum's visa was granted But his siter's visa was refused. His Mum arrived o. The 01st June 2012 and has been living with us since. We've been financially responsible for her since. When she arrived in London she didn't have 1 kobo to her name. For the first three weeks that she was here, my daughter had to share a room with my husband's Mum and his sister. The sister has moved out temporarily because she has secured work for the Olympic Period. however as soon as the Paralympics finish she will no longer be accommodated by her employer and will have to move back in. I don't know when my mother-in-law will return to Nigeria because We submitted an EEA residence card application to UKBA for her and they have up until the end of December to reply.

So here is the problem - I want my house back. I want to live in it with my husband and my daughter only. I am tired of living with my mother-in-law who speaks very little English. I am tired of her planning how many things she wants to buy before returning to Nigeria (with our money of course). I am tired of her asking when we will invite her remaining daughter to come and live with us. I am also tired of her moaning about how boring life in the UK is. Very very fed up.

Also feel that now that my sister-in-law is working that she should find her own place to live. After all, she's been with us for almost 2 years.

The problem is that my husband thinks that it is entirely normal that I be accepting of his family. He does not understand, or maybe chooses not to understand, when I tell him that I want control of my home.

How can I effectively manage this situation without causing a war with my husband?

Thanks!

Mrs.Oyibo:
I'm not Nigerian! I am oyinbo!

Truckpusher: TYPICAL NIGERIAN GIRL,YOUR NEXT MOVE WILL BE ON HOW TO KICK YOUR HUBBY OUT because YOU'VE STARTED KICKING UP DUST WHERE THERE IS NONE...THAT'S WHAT WE GET WHENEVER THIS YOUR OYIBO NEW FOUND FREEDOM GETS INTO YOUR HEAD...YOU'VE ALREADY STARTED SCREAMING MY HOUSE!!!IF I WERE UR HUBBY I'LL MAKE SOME SAVINGS AND WAIT FOR THE D DAY because NO REAL AFRICAN(NIGERIAN)WILL ABANDON HIS MOM AND SIBLINGS KNOWING THE ECONOMIC SITUATION IN THE COUNTRY.

dasparrow:

Na so now. That is Nigerian mentality for you. When I kept reading the posts of some forumites saying that the mother suffered for the son, I am thinking "so what? except a woman was pregnated during a r[b]a[/b]pe, becoming a mother is a personal choice." I am tired of hearing "our mothers suffered for us, blah, blah, blah." Did anyone think parenting is an easy task? Did anyone force some women and men to manufacture several children that they know they cannot comfortably take care of financially? If God had not given them the child/ren, the same Nigerian women will be in church day and night, 7 days a week praying and fasting for 'fruit of the womb.'

As far as I am concerned, most Nigerian parents did not do anyone a favour bringing children into this wicked world. After all, what future does Nigeria hold for all these youngsters that are brought into the world each day by their Nigerian parents? By the time they are 8 years old, they are sent to hawk goods on their heads or become a housemaid/houseboy in a rich extended family member's house. Most Nigerian parents selfishly bring children into this world to suffer. They know they don't have sufficient funds to provide their children's basic needs yet they phock away and multiply like gremlins. Many years down the line, their poverty stricken selves become a nuisance to their daughter and/or son inlaws and then they try to justify their actions by claiming it is the culture. Culture my foot!

Abbey2sam: are you high on some chip gari or something? You are definately madt....how i wish you can just become poor,,i mean very poor, like poverty